Call the Midwife s11e06 Episode Script

Series 11, Episode 6

Whether we pray, or do not pray each new day commences with an act of faith.
We turn our faces to a future we have yet to meet, always believing that what will be, must be.
ALARM RINGS That we will not break, no matter what we give, or lose, or must receive.
CAR HORN TOOTS Our yesterdays never return.
We must keep looking forward, trusting, letting go.
Saying, "This is the day the Lord has made.
"We will rejoice and be glad in it.
" Even when it hurts.
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH Welcome back, Nurse Robinson.
Thank you.
Good morning, everyone.
It's nice to see you back at work.
Is Teddy settling in at school? He is now so eager to get into the playground, he hardly has time for a goodbye cuddle.
They do grow up quickly, don't they? I used to cling on to my mother's knees so tightly at the school gates, I had to be prised off, like a limpet.
SISTER FRANCES CHUCKLES Have we heard anything from Trixie? She sent an aerogramme.
Her Godmother's still in hospital, so she's running in and out with toiletries and nightwear.
Ladies, please cease chit-chatting and pay attention.
In the absence of Nurses Crane and Franklin, we do have something of a build-up of district home visits.
I calculate that if we are strict with time, it will be possible to do, well, at least two extra per day.
You cannot be climbing on furniture at your age! SQUAWKING A bird has come into our home.
THEY SHRIEK Oh, cover your eyes! They always go for the eyes.
How do you know? I saw it in an Alfred Hitchcock film.
BIRD SQUAWKS Kindly collect yourself, Nurse Corrigan, and fetch Mr Buckle from the shop.
BIRD SQUAWKS A bird in a house presages bad news.
Not necessarily.
It might just be lost.
Or a bit scared.
What kind of bird is it? Ooh! Ooh! An increasingly angry one.
What on earth is going on? There's someone among us about to meet our Maker.
The only one that is going to meet our Maker is that bird.
Ooh! Sister Monica Joan.
This is a simple, practical challenge.
There is no need to need to inflame the situation by invoking folklore.
Hmm THEY GASP a bird indoors, eh? The old Grim Reaper must have someone in his sights.
Two extra visits.
There'll barely be any time for, "Hello.
How are you?" We'll be run off our feet.
Death by exhaustion.
That's what that bird is warning of.
Oh, idle hands do the Devil's work.
Well, he'll be getting no help from me today, that's for sure.
How nice to see you.
You too, Miss Higgins.
PHONE RINGS Please excuse me for one moment.
Dr Turner's Surgery.
How may I help? Of course, we will have someone waiting.
Mrs Singh from Walpole Road is en route, apparently in labour.
Would you like to take the delivery? Or I could.
I'll be on hand if you require support.
Of course.
Welcome, gentlemen, to the quarterly meeting of the District Health Committee.
Item one on the agenda measles vaccination.
BIRD SQUAWKS This, Sister, is a tried and tested method since we were poachers on the marshes of Essex.
HE CHUCKLES This speaks of grief to come.
We are to lose someone.
Can I help you, Sister? Given your passion for the esoteric, quite possibly.
Do you refer to my association with the spiritualist church? If you are genuinely interested, the meetings take place locally.
A message has been conveyed to me.
I seek assistance in interpretation.
Well, there I must disappoint you.
Spiritualism is a religion, not a parlour game.
The mediums I know do not dabble in reading the runes and gazing into the crystal ball.
Such things are pure theatre.
I speak not of theatre, I speak of life and death.
We all have our allotted span.
If I am to be called, I wish to know, in order that I might prepare myself.
Well, one possibility comes to mind.
Have you heard of a Mrs Greenhalgh? She was well known as a clairvoyant in the East End in years gone by.
It's not far at all.
The committee concludes that individual surgeries may set their own policy as regards to measles vaccination.
We have discussed the Council's offer of a five-shilling bonus per patient vaccinated, but most regard this as a lot of paperwork for little reward.
If I might interrupt briefly.
Contributions, Dr Turner, must come through the Chair.
Item two Measles could be eradicated if we took a systematic approach.
That must be the motivation, not the five-shilling bonus per jab.
Your tone is becoming intemperate.
I have a nine-year-old boy attending my surgery who is blind as a result of acute measles.
Another suffered brain damage and had to be put into a home.
Both cases entirely preventable.
Isn't that worth some intemperance? Shall we carry on? All finished.
You should feel a bit more comfortable now.
Make us both a cuppa before you go.
Oh, no time today, Mildred.
I'm sorry, but I'm on a really tight schedule.
I thought you would approve of the bonus scheme.
We should vaccinate for clinical reasons, not financial ones.
I suppose your involvement in the original trial explains this evangelism? The trial was very limited, confined to specific age groups, but the difference the vaccine made to infection rates across the community was quite clear.
But colleagues are afraid the whole thing will prove a pointless exercise because people simply do not want this vaccine.
Then let me prove them wrong.
I will run a pilot scheme and present it at the next committee meeting.
HE EXHALES SHARPLY We can't stop you doing that.
Hello? Excuse me, what do you think you're doing? This building belongs to me.
You're trespassing.
Well, that's great.
Do you like it? - It's the wheel of life.
- Yeah.
I'm sorry, I'm afraid this building belongs to my family's firm.
Which means that you're trespassing.
The place wasn't locked up properly.
That is basically an invitation.
Hmm, it's more of an assumption that property will be respected.
But if you just gather your things and move on, then we won't pursue charges.
And where exactly do you suggest we move on to? I'm sorry, "we"? We're a collective.
- And how many of you are in there? - It varies.
I'm sorry, if you refuse to leave, I will have to call the police.
- I mean, surely you understand that? - There's no need for that, man.
We won't be here long.
Toodle-oo! No that's that's not what I meant.
Ready? SHE STRAINS BABY CRIES You have a beautiful, bonny little baby boy! CRYING CONTINUES SHE PANTS SHARP SNIP BABY CRIES There's nothing better than this feeling, is there? BABY CRIES Where could that bird have come from, do you think? I reckon it fell down the chimney, looking for somewhere to nest.
Nest? In October? It must have been confused.
Or very stupid.
CHUCKLING The bird was conveying a message.
It was a raven, Sister Monica Joan.
Not a carrier pigeon.
THEY CHUCKLE Please be advised, I have located someone with the ability to make a true interpretation at the sign.
Once I have consulted her, I will let you know.
I've planned where I'm having the baby now.
This room is perfect.
I want it to be natural.
No hospitals, no drugs, no authorities banging on the door.
I just want to be surrounded by my friends.
Don't worry.
You are surrounded.
We're not leaving yet.
Not before the happening, at least.
Do you want to help me decorate the room? Hmm, maybe later.
We have a party to plan.
You will stay with me, though, right? - Kat? - Well, we've said so, haven't we? Yeah, relax, Clover.
You say it yourself all the time, there's nothing more natural than having a baby.
I've just been on the phone to the council.
- Did you have to argue with them? - No.
Because notified cases of measles are rising right across the district.
We are going to demonstrate to that committee that a vaccination programme can be both practical and effective.
We shouldn't have to, but we will.
BELL ON DOOR DINGS Your sign seems to be the wrong way round, Mrs Buckle.
Oh, it's half day closing today, Mr Aylward.
So, if it's a pattern for a crocheted mini dress you're after, I'm afraid you're out of luck.
Uh, nothing quite so exotic, I'm afraid.
Uh, I've actually come to pick your brains with regards to a housing problem.
Or, or at least, a property problem.
Do the Council have a policy on squatters? Squatters? SHE CHUCKLES Well, they have a lot of opinions.
I mean, it's happening all over the place because of the housing shortage.
I've heard of families moving into empty, derelict buildings out of sheer desperation.
I mean, they are breaking the law, but I feel for them.
I really do.
I'm not really talking about a family, Mrs Buckle.
A group of beatniks, dropouts, or hippies, I don't I don't really know what you call them, but they all seem to have hair down to about here, have occupied one of my empty warehouses.
Well, as I see it, Mr Aylward, you can either talk to the police, or you can talk to them yourself.
- Right.
- Hm.
OK, that's it.
Right, OK.
Thank you very much.
SHE KNOCKS Mrs Greenhalgh? Are you in there? SHE KNOCKS Why are you hammering on my door? I am Sister Monica Joan, of the Order of St Raymond Nonnatus.
I don't care who you are.
I don't like unexpected visitors.
I have been informed that you have the gift.
I've finished with all that.
- But, but Mrs Greenhalgh - Get away! I am in urgent need of your help.
THEY GASP What did you see? Did the touch of my hand induce a terrible vision? Leave me alone.
I've told you, I don't do that any more.
The measles vaccine is now fully validated and fully available, but the Ministry has no plans for a nationwide programme like the one for polio.
We have to demonstrate that with a little effort and ingenuity, it is possible to get a high percentage of patients vaccinated.
And how do we do that? Miss Higgins will identify all children aged two and below who are eligible.
Which may take some time.
The key is in the records.
Identifying and contacting families, once, twice, even three times if they don't turn up the first time.
Home visits from the district staff if necessary.
- Home visits? - That could be a lot of extra work.
And we're worn out as it is.
We must do everything we can.
And what if everything isn't enough? Then we will do more.
There you are at last.
I was beginning to think you got lost on the way home.
Sorry I'm late.
We don't have the staff and it's just so busy.
I made your favourite, fish tea.
I thought you might need a little bit of looking after.
Why? Because you've been back at work and you've been on your feet all day.
There's nothing wrong with me, Cyril.
Please stop treating me like someone with an illness.
I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.
I'm just tired.
Need a lie down.
Oh, you're still here? My name is Jojo, by the way.
Matthew Aylward.
We're not bad people, man.
Why don't you come in, hm? Take a look at what we're trying to do here.
There's tea in the pot.
Do you want some? DISTANT CHATTER That's very kind of you, but no, thanks.
So, painting indoors as well as outdoors? We're all art students.
It's how we express our feelings about the world and consciousness and all that.
Everyone, this is Matthew.
Hello, Matthew.
It would appear that he's our landlord.
CHUCKLING What's he doing here? Only you said you locked the door.
He's not being heavy or anything.
How are you managing to cope, in these conditions? I wouldn't have thought they were, uh, optimal for you.
That's for me to decide.
Of course.
You did indicate that you didn't intend to stay for long.
- When exactly might that be? - Hmm.
Within the decade? OTHERS LAUGH Well, I'm not sure that our tolerance can really extend that far.
Ooh! I was joking.
I'm failing to see the funny side of you trespassing on my property.
Good day to you, sir.
A good day to you, sir.
THEY LAUGH Morning, Sister.
No more trouble from our feathered friends I hope? Excuse me, sir! I don't think you can live here.
The building isn't made for it.
There's no electricity.
No water.
Oh, there's a standpipe on the dock.
We top up the drinking water every morning.
We just we need a space to express ourselves and be free.
Free from what? From all the rules on how we should live.
I choose how I live, right? And I'm going to choose how I have this baby.
Everything and everybody that I need is right here in this building.
You just have to let us stay just until after the baby comes.
Very well.
Mrs Greenhalgh? I come bearing gifts.
It was remiss of me to expect you to impart your wisdom without the necessary recompense.
It's a very handsome cake.
Wait till you're invited.
I must prepare.
I'll call you when I'm ready.
Is that sufficient? Well, I would have preferred gin, but it'll do.
Be seated.
You must not look upon me.
How are you this morning, Mrs Singh? Very well, thank you nurse.
If Baby has finished feeding, may I take him back to the nursery so Mrs Turner can look you over? He is my dream come true.
Is your spirit guide with you at this moment? I've got three of them and they never leave me.
Been with me as long as I can remember.
In fact, one of them, The Old Man, he's standing there right next to you.
Jabbering on.
What's he saying? I don't listen to them any more.
I I would very much appreciate it if you would.
I'm tired of them.
This isn't a gift.
It's a curse.
Oh, how can that be? God has granted you special insight.
If He did, He also got me accused of fraud and took to court.
I lost my husband at El Alamein my son at Bow Street Magistrates.
I'm so sorry.
What happened? He married into a respectable family.
High Church.
His wife didn't take to my calling.
They moved to Buckingham.
I moved in here.
We lost touch.
As long as I got my bottle of mother's ruin, I don't feel a thing.
What a sorry state of affairs.
SHE GASPS Turn around! What happened to your face? A splash of hot fat from the chip pan I trained as a nurse.
I may be able to help.
Stop looking at me.
Stop looking at me.
I don't want anyone to look at me.
Get out! SHE SOBS I don't mean to pry, Nurse Robinson, but I wondered if perhaps you were finding it difficult being back here on the ward after what has happened.
We all have our burdens.
We just have to carry them.
We can also share the weight if they become too hard to bear.
I believe the best thing for me is to keep busy and get back to normal.
I had a similar experience myself when I thought I might lose Teddy.
But thanks be to God, you did not.
Oh, Mr Aylward? What a pleasant surprise.
I'm so sorry to disturb you.
I haven't interrupted Compline or anything, have I? Nothing ever interrupts Compline, Mr Aylward.
It's not until eight.
Do come in.
Actually, I can't stop.
I have to get back to Jonathan.
It's just I have some squatters in one of my warehouses.
Oh, dear.
And one of them appears to be about to have a baby.
- Quite soon, as far as I can tell - Tonight? Uh, no, but imminent.
All I really know is that her name is Clover.
Uh, she hasn't received any medical assistance as far as I'm aware.
And she's really very young.
Give the address.
I'll make sure we contact her tomorrow and see what we can do.
May I present you with the fruits of my labour? In this column are the names of all under twos falling within the catchment of this surgery.
This number corresponds to the drawer in the main filing system in which their family records can be found.
And across here indicates they are already vaccinated.
- Very few of those obviously.
- Less than 15%.
We've a lot of work ahead of us if we're to reach the 60% target.
So, we have less than a month to more than treble the number of children inoculated on top of our normal duties? Put like that, it does sound an onerous task.
Onerous, but achievable, if we think positively.
Why aren't you speaking to me? There's no point.
You don't even know who I am.
I was upset when you told me.
I know I was.
- You were horrible about it.
- I was in shock! But now, I want you to come home, Susan.
See, that's why I'm not speaking to you.
You don't even know who I am.
- Excuse me? - Who are you? I'm Sister Frances, from Nonnatus House.
I'm a midwife.
- Are you Clover? - She's called Susan.
Not Clover.
You can't even bring yourself to say my name.
I give up.
You can't say I didn't try.
If I could come in and examine you, Clover, it would - put everyone's minds at rest.
- I just want to be left alone.
Well, if you don't want to be examined, we can just have a chat through the window.
SHE SIGHS I'm not sure if it's my place to speak of this.
Whatever it is, it will be treated in the strictest confidence.
I worry about Nurse Robinson.
I wonder if her return has come too early.
Has she said something? Oh, nothing like that, but I think she may be finding it distressing, working on the maternity side.
Perhaps I made a mistake.
I was thinking perhaps she could be redeployed to district duties for the time being.
You might say it is simply in order to help push forward the measles vaccinations.
If anything is to be said, it must be said with tact, gentleness and honesty.
You'll do what is best, I am sure.
I ain't being funny, Mr Aylward, but if I was you, I wouldn't buy my paraffin here.
Shocking mark-up.
Um, where would you buy it? Ironmongers, across the way.
- Much cheaper.
- Oh.
- Hello, love! - Mr Aylward.
I just come to get half of pound of pear drops to take to the meeting tonight.
I've discovered that the officers of the Council are much more receptive to my ideas if I start by handing out sweeties.
Take Mr Aylward's money, Fred.
Don't keep him waiting.
We only sell the finest quality paraffin here.
Are you stocking up for winter? Uh, actually, I found some old heaters that I'm going to take to the warehouse, because I had an attack of conscience about the squatters.
Or one of the squatters, anyway.
There's a cold snap forecast, I can run them there tomorrow.
So, you're talking to them, then? Yeah, I decided to give them a period of grace, for a number of reasons.
Thanks, Fred.
Now, that is what I call a gentleman.
She was adamant she has no need of our help.
But as far as you could tell, she's in good health? Well, as far as I could tell from looking up at her leaning out of a window.
I could only see her head.
But she has made her views on natural childbirth very clear.
There's natural childbirth and there's giving birth in a filthy warehouse without water or electricity.
We must keep trying, we must be diligent.
Her outlook may change and we must be ready.
I find the evening air a fine remedy when trying to untie the knot of a troubled mind.
What do you do if someone is in pain, but you cannot help them? Nurse Robinson? How do I make it better? Grief has its own impenetrable timetable.
Whatever I do makes things worse.
So I sit here alone, out of the way.
Which is considerably easier, I imagine.
But the easy path is not always the most fruitful.
I feel the loss of our child, too.
Have you spoken of your grief with her? Have you told her of your pain? A man must be strong.
Sometimes we show our true strength by acknowledging our weakness.
Nurse Robinson, I fear I may have been guilty of insensitivity.
It didn't occur to me that midwifery may prove to be rather demanding, given your recent given your recent experience.
Has my work not been satisfactory? Your work is more than satisfactory, as it always is.
But your state of mind concerns me.
I don't need special treatment.
You do and I did not see it.
A married midwife is unusual.
A pregnant midwife is a rarity.
And a midwife who has lost a baby is something I've never known.
I'm sorry if I did not imagine how you feel Lucille.
You have no need to apologise.
I didn't even guess how I might feel.
This has all been so new to me.
I'm moving you to district work only, for a while, with immediate effect.
Unless you wish to take some leave? No.
I want to work.
It will distract me.
But that will be better.
And you will heal, in time.
Because we always do.
Can we try again? I'd really like to speak to you.
- Don't worry, she'll give up in a minute.
- Yeah.
- Something wrong? - Aching a bit.
KNOCKING CONTINUES I I might've over done it moving the mattress.
What were you doing lugging heavy stuff around? I'm trying to get everything just right.
It could be any time.
KNOCKING CONTINUES I wish she'd just go away.
We've got an oil projector coming for the happening tonight.
Downstairs is going to look amazing.
You'll stay with me, if I need you, won't you? Yeah, of course.
Or Kat will, or one of the others.
You are a very brave little soldier.
Another one down.
Excuse me, Doctor Turner, Sister Julienne has asked me to join the District for the moment.
Best news I've had all day.
Dr Turner is creating the 13th Labour of Hercules.
We need all the help we can get.
Jojo! Kat! Kat! KAT! SHE SOBS I have reflected at length about the disagreeable nature of our last parting.
And I decided I must return.
Did God tell you that? We are both guided by the voices of wisdom.
From whence they originate we need not agree.
So, what do your voices say, then? That by returning here might ease suffering.
- Do you really think you can help me? - I know I can.
It has become clear to me that I I did not seek your help because I fear death.
What I fear is death in life.
The loss of purpose.
Like you, I was given a vocation.
And like you I need to help people in order to feel alive.
My vocation is nursing.
Let me see your face.
I can't show you my face.
I'm too ashamed.
This is my gift.
Allow me to use it.
Aren't you disgusted? There is nothing disgusting here to witness.
Only a fellow soul in distress.
It will be below zero tonight.
- Where, where is Clover? - Probably upstairs.
- Oh.
- Do you like her? Is that what it is? Have you been drinking? Who needs alcohol? You've never been high, have you? You should try it.
I must see Dr Turner instantly.
Oh, he's about to leave for home.
It is a matter of the utmost urgency.
What is it, Sister? Dr Turner, I have a patient under my care who I suspect has an advanced rodent ulcer.
Clover? SHARP WINCE - Clover, what's wrong? - It hurts.
I've been shouting, but nobody heard.
The baby's going to come.
What, now? Now? I can't do it on my own.
Right, my car's downstairs.
- Yeah, I will take you to the hospital.
- It hurts too much.
I can't get down the stairs.
All right, uh All right, I'll find a phone and we'll have someone here right away.
Don't leave me.
Please, don't leave me! Don't leave me.
Please, please! I will come back.
I promise you.
Midwife speaking.
Slow down, Mr Aylward.
Explain the precise reason for your call and then tell me exactly where you are.
How long has it been like this? Years now.
It was just a spot to start with.
- Is it painful? - Itchy.
Sometimes I can't keep me hands off.
And sometimes I can't help myself, but give it a really good scratch and then it bleeds.
What is your opinion, doctor? HE EXHALES SHARPLY My opinion is you were quite right.
Mrs Greenhalgh, I think you have a skin condition called a rodent ulcer.
What's that? It's a form of skin cancer.
But, don't panic, it's not the type you die of.
I'm going to refer you to a hospital as soon as I can, so you can see a specialist.
I won't go to the hospital.
I can't.
Mrs Turner.
Mrs Turner, you have no idea how glad I am to see you.
- Where is my patient? - Uh, this way.
But I'm afraid the conditions are far, far from ideal.
My name is Nurse Turner.
I'm a midwife.
I just need to settle you on the bed and then we can work out where we're up to.
- Are you going to help me? - Of course I am.
I'm going to examine you, to see how things are progressing.
And, in the meantime, Mr Aylward will go and call for an ambulance.
Right, absolutely.
You'll be all right.
My friends said they'd help, but I didn't want to go to hospital.
Your friends are in no fit state to help anyone.
Why didn't you want to go to hospital? It was meant to be perfect.
Natural isn't always perfect, and perfect isn't always natural.
What matters is that you and the baby are safe, well and expertly looked after.
Which is exactly what is going to happen.
Now, have you had an internal examination during your pregnancy? SHE GROANS It's nothing to worry about.
Let's have your heels to your bottom and your knees nice and wide apart.
Ambulance, please.
There's there's a young girl in labour.
Her name is Clover.
Can I have her surname please, sir? Um, I'm sorry, I don't know her surname.
And the address? The, address is it's it's quite hard to describe.
It's not exactly a residential property.
It's a warehouse.
SHE GROANS SOFTLY I want my mum.
Once this is done, we'll get in touch with her.
Does she have a telephone? SHE SNIFFLES She died.
When did you lose her? Uh I was 16.
My dad always said she's the last person who could tell me what to do.
She sounds like a strong woman.
Like mother, like daughter.
I've got no-one.
Well, you've got me, Clover.
My real name's Susan.
Can you call me Susie? Cos my mum used to.
Susie, sweetheart I promise you we are going to get through this.
SIREN RINGS Hey! Hey, hey.
Hey, stop! Here! SHE GROANS LOUDLY That's it, good girl.
Take a breath, push gently.
One more, slowly, slowly SHE GROANS Well done! Baby's head is born.
The worst is over.
Do you want to feel it? Where's that ambulance, Mr Aylward? It couldn't find the place.
It just sailed straight past.
Well, it looks like we aren't going to need it after all.
This little one is about to be born.
It won't care if it's in the pitch dark.
The next contraction will be much easier, then the baby will be out.
Is that the contraction coming now? - Hm.
- Wonderful.
Now, push, sweetheart.
What is it? Wait, what is that? What is? Can you see that? What is wrong with my baby? Oh, my God.
- What is wrong with my baby? - They can't be here.
Get out! GET OUT! You have a little girl.
I just need to help her.
- Let me see her.
- Not right now.
Let me see.
SHE GRUNTS SOFTLY SHE GROANS What's wrong with it? I need you to try and keep calm now.
Your baby has a condition called gastroschisis.
BABY CRIES She has been born with her intestines on the outside of her body.
I am going to do everything I can.
Mr Aylward.
Mr Aylward! I need you to find boiled water and greaseproof paper and then we need to get this baby to hospital as soon as we can.
- Can it survive? - I don't know.
She"s going to die, isn't she? Now, listen to me carefully, Susie.
I know this is frightening but, right now, you need to focus on being strong for your baby - as your mother would have done for you.
Have you got that? LOUD ROCK MUSIC She's losing too much heat.
We have to try and wrap her up now.
BABY CRIES I need the greaseproof paper to keep the moisture in.
BABY CRIES This is all I could find.
It will have to do.
Find me something clean to keep Baby warm.
- It's hurting again.
- That's the placenta coming now.
As soon as it's delivered, we are taking you both to hospital.
- But the ambulance - Mr Aylward will drive.
BABY CRIES - Lucille.
- Yes? I have something I need to say to you.
Can it wait until morning, Cyril? I'm tired.
It cannot wait.
I see.
We haven't spoken about it since it happened.
- What is there to say? - We lost a child.
Do you think I am unaware of that? I'm sorry, it's just that I had a chat with Sister Monica Joan You had no right to speak of our private matter outside these walls.
It seems I have no right to speak of our private matter within these walls either.
When you're ready, I'll be here.
Hold her carefully.
Try not to move her at all.
As quickly and smoothly as you can, please, Mr Aylward.
ENGINE STARTS Good luck, Susie! "Susie"? That's what her mother called her.
Oh, you poor thing.
I've never seen a baby with gastroschisis.
I certainly hope I never see another.
Even with the best care, this little one's life will be hanging in the balance.
And the mother's so young.
She did so well through the whole thing but young.
- Oh, Patrick! - Oh, darling.
The funny thing is, at the time, I felt completely calm and in control.
It's only now I realise I've never been more frightened during a delivery in my life.
SHE SOBS Am I getting confused? I thought you changed the dressing a few days ago.
You are not confused.
I have information that you received your appointment with the specialist at St Cuthbert's and kept it from me.
Despite all my efforts to influence you to the contrary, you still plan to miss the appointment.
There is nothing left for me in this life.
I am without purpose and with no-one to mourn me.
And the sooner I am in a box, the better.
The key is to understand God's purpose in your life.
DOOR OPENS - Arnold.
- Hello, Mother.
How is she? BABY CRIES The paediatrician and the surgeon, even the nurses are amazed.
She's not giving up.
It looks like no-one is going to be telling her what to do either.
Mother like daughter.
Are those for me? Of course, they are.
- As a thank you.
- Why? You tested me to the limit.
It helped remind me how lucky I am to be doing what I do.
Has she got a name yet? I was thinking maybe Clover.
BABY CRIES It never really was my name, but maybe it could be hers.
Is something wrong? The mother's changed her mind and cancelled her appointment.
We bent over backwards to get her in here.
She's decided that her children are having too many injections and she doesn't think it's worth having another one just for measles.
Excuse me, Mrs Dr Turner tells me you aren't interested in your son having the vaccine.
Do you know much about measles? I had it when I was a kid.
Bit of a rash, that's all.
You know that around 100 children die of it every year in this country.
Can you imagine losing your child to a preventable disease? Could any wound cut deeper? It doesn't matter where you are, what you're doing, all you feel is that pain inside you and it just keeps on hurting.
I've let you down, Cyril.
I failed.
It wasn't meant to be.
That's all.
I have missed you.
I don't know where you went, but I'm glad you're back with me now.
I was trying to be strong.
I didn't want to burden you.
I knew your heart was broken too.
How can we be strong if we're not together? SHE SNIFFLES You're right, Cyril.
We have both been through pain.
Sharing that pain is where we'll find healing.
Arnold dropped me off.
And he's coming back later to pick me up.
I am delighted you both have found each other again.
Did the surgery go well? Well, the doctors say so.
I'm just waiting to have my radiotherapy and then they'll know more about the prognosis.
- That must be difficult.
- I'm not afraid.
I have a purpose now, with whatever time is left.
And I'm listening to my spirit guides again.
I could read for you now, if you'd like? Oh, that would be wonderful.
SHE EXHALES DEEPLY - What is it? - Oh, I think I'm just really tired.
- Did you see something? - No.
Tell me.
I felt something.
Something unfortunate that will happen here, at Nonnatus House.
Pain passes.
Better days DO come.
And still, we long to see what lies ahead.
We yearn for our vision to pierce the veil, to be able to say, "There's nothing to fear, and no harm will come to us.
" But we have no lamp, and no spyglass, and the road ahead is dark.
Have faith in the light.
In the warmth.
In the tenderness and nearness of the people that you love.
This is now.
This is today.
This cluster of hours, this muddle of joy, and imperfection.
This is the present, and is all we can be sure of.
Embrace it.
It is the most precious thing we have.
You can't just leave me here.
Carole? Were you with a boy? So, what if I was? We are midwives, not baby-sitters.
RAVEN SQUAWKS Edina hates making a fuss.
You have to come.
My mother can't get out of bed.
I have to choose between what's good for my daughter and what's good for me, and I don't think I should have to choose at all.
This is my career.
My life! Sub extracted from file & improved by
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