Cannon Busters (2019) s01e05 Episode Script

21 the Hard Way

- You're driving like an idiot.
- My car, my rules.
Don't like it? Tuck and roll.
You don't respect the car, the passengers, or the land around you I don't see it ending well for you.
It keeps not ending for me.
I've noticed.
How's that for some nature respect? Eyes forward and hands on the wheel.
Don't stare at me.
It's gross.
Damn it! This is your fault, freeloader! It is? Philly let you drive Bessie? No way.
Of course not! He So it was Philly who drove us into the ditch.
He distracted me! I was just pointing out your recklessness.
You can't drive like that with precious cargo.
Then you drive us to the next town, old man.
Stupid old man I won't be able to drive soon 'cause I'll be drunk.
Who was it? Who did this? Who drank the only thing I love? You Ow Ronin my ass! You're just a common thief, aren't you? You're like me.
No, worse! Because you fight like a cranky grandpa! Where'd you get that? Common thief? I'm a guest.
Don't you know how to treat guests? Gonna give me one? It's good manners to provide guests a drink.
Don't you know that when I drink one myself, I'm saving you some hassle? You grifter All repaired! Good, c'mon, guys.
We're gonna leave 9ine behind.
Hold on! We can't leave him! He's a part of our A-Are those my potato chips? Are they? I didn't know.
It's the last food I have! Why are you eating chips? You're a robot! Eating is fun.
My mouth feel gross.
Like it's full of potatoes and sand.
What a brat.
What should we do now? My mouth needs emergency maintenance.
No-good idiots.
Stupid robot, siding with a guy who doesn't wear shoes.
Stupid other robot Not appreciating chips There's only a piece left of the candy I ate yesterday.
Bessie, you hungry too? The short one No! I take it back! I'm gonna starve to death! Shit! What's that? Shit All right! C'mon, let's dance like crazy, girl! C'mon! Thanks anyway! Pretty graceful dancing.
Really? Oh! Look! Whoa! I'm going to try them all! It'll just gunk up your insides.
I don't get the appeal.
Thought so.
Pardon me, ladies.
Know what goes with snacks? Booze.
W-What's with this plant? Nature sucks! - Bravo! - Wow! The wait is over! Quiz time! A clowder of cats, a herd of horses, a blank of rabbits.
Litter! Correct! - Your prize.
- Over there.
On to the next one! - The liver and sometimes rectum! - Correct! - Vitamin D! - Correct! Lemon, garlic, diced jalapeno, salt! All correct! Humans are so lucky.
Eating whenever they want with no worry of gunking up their insides.
- We don't get to.
We have to.
- What happens if you don't? We get very cranky.
And then die.
Excuse me.
- Want to see another drink trick? - Yes! This place ain't so bad.
I can stay here.
Find a wife here, have fat, ugly babies raise fat, ugly brats, and live here forever.
Maybe I'll take up a hobby.
Knitting maybe.
Everything I need is here.
Nobody stealing my beer, nobody eating my chips What the hell? I never thought I'd die like this Hi, I'm Sam! - Have you ever had chips? - All the time.
You have the ridged ones? No.
The chips I consumed were flat.
What? Get this! This girl's never had ridged chips before! More surface area, which means more flavor! Yeah! Nibbling each ridge is nice too.
It's relaxing and like having 20 chips in one! I work in a sterile plant all day.
Coming home to a bag of ridged chips is the best! You need to try them all.
Every flavor.
Chips have multiple flavors? Totally! Totally! Hello, Unit 6273.
Does your owner happen to be with you? We've decided her name's Victoria now! Hey, 12welve.
Been a while.
Looks like I've finally tracked the untrackable.
What? Don't you want to hear how I lured you here? I lured you.
Unit 6273! You won't simply return to the order? Not without finishing my drink and a fight.
Do you have any contributions to my salad? I want to give this to Philly as soon as I can.
That's nice.
It's to apologize for eating food for fun when he needs it to live.
They'll be done when 9ine finally agrees to return to the Red Ronins or when he is killed for leaving us.
Victoria is so funny! Were you always this good? It's because I've had a lot to drink.
What are you waiting for? Do it! Do what? Settle this! Kill you? I won't do that.
I love you, 12welve.
And thanks to these wonderful bots, I'm finally drunk enough to say it.
Then please come back with me! The ronins are looking for you! If you don't return, they'll kill you! If I say no, you'll kill me too? Our orders are to take out everyone in this house.
There's a kid.
Don't worry.
They won't feel anything.
The only thing better than a good life is a painless death.
You're going to kill me too, right? I'm sorry.
Make your move.
Here, I'll make it easy.
Oh man.
It's because of the warm beer.
You sure you won't come with me? You don't have to go back.
We can go somewhere else together.
We'll meet again.
I see.
They'll think that's a love bite.
See you, old man.
I'm only 30.
Victoria! What do you think, Unit 6273? Should we have gone with them? I have no insight either way.
Maybe I'll call you Victoria too.
All right.
It is much easier to say than my old name.
No way will I let this happen again, you plant bi Mother Nature! Nature's a bitch! I hear you get cranky when you don't eat! Please eat this and cheer up.
This was fun, but it's time we part.
No You're leaving? We each follow our own paths.
It's time to resume my own journey.
And you're out of beer.
Wait, you didn't bring me beer? They ran out.
So long, drunken cowboy.
I'm not sharing! It's mine, you greedy chip thief! No, I just wanted to offer condolences.
I see you passed away while we were gone.
What? Keeping track or something? Stop looking at my body, you weirdo.
But Uh, thanks for the salad and stuff.
Of course.
We're friends.
Philly? Philly the Kid, I know you're there.
Pick up right now or This is a good song.
All right, time to go, freeloaders.