Carol's Second Act (2019) s01e03 Episode Script

The Zebra

Something big is going on, I know it.
Are they gossiping? Is it about that jerk in Pediatrics that yelled at a really nice girl named Lexie? Doubtful.
Oh! Maybe Mrs.
Dempsey woke up from her coma.
Well, if that's the case, we'll have to pool our knowledge to catch her up on the last year.
I'll take arts and literature.
Lexie, you take reality TV.
Ooh, docuseries and competition? I'm on it.
Guys, it's not Mrs.
If it is, obviously, I'd take health and beauty.
But I think it might be a zebra.
- A zebra? - Ooh.
- That'd be awesome.
- I don't know.
Zebras appear cute, but they're notorious kickers.
No, no, no, Caleb, "zebra" as in a nickname for a patient with an extremely rare condition.
You know that old saying, if you hear hooves coming, you can assume it's a horse, but every once in a while, it's a zebra.
So? Do they have a diagnosis? What are the signs? Symptoms? Well, a headache is something you're giving me right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have some intriguing news.
It seems that here today we may have a zebra.
- Ooh! - Yes! A probable zebra.
Yes, thank you, Dr.
This could be a career-defining experience.
Let's be professional.
Don't get your hopes up.
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm fired up! Usually it's pneumonia, pneumonia, pneumonia, but not today! All right, everyone, patient is Margaret Hamden.
Female, age 40.
Admitted with symptoms of meningitis but has since developed physiologic tremors and unexplained abdominal cramps.
Finally, someone's taking a woman's cramps seriously.
Am I right? Where my ladies at? Sorry.
I want you all to study up and get ready to present theories.
Already have four.
If our patient does indeed turn out to be a zebra, Dr.
Frost and I will choose one of you to assist us in treatment and write up the case for publication in a journal.
Oh, I've already published twice, so I can definitely handle it.
Daniel's not the only one that's been published.
I wrote a very successful advice column in our school's science journal.
My nom de plume was Pipette.
Just to throw my hat in the ring, I have traveled to many countries where I've both treated and contracted a number of rare diseases.
Word of advice? When the locals say don't let a chicken in your tent, listen.
A word? Before I go, I need someone to take the lead on the new admit in 510.
Just to check, the person who takes this new admit will not be in the running to work on the zebra? - Correct.
- Uh, and therefore will not be eligible - to publish the case? - That's right.
A-And this new patient has something cool - or ? - The flu.
Thanks for volunteering, Dr.
What the heck, you guys? You know I love a medical mystery.
- Or any mystery.
- Murder? - Yes.
- Murder on a train? - Yes, of course.
- Murder in a castle? That's my fa Stop distracting me.
What you just did was terrible.
I deserved a shot at the zebra.
Sorry, Carol.
Sometimes medicine isn't fair.
Really? And you two weasels agree with this? Yes, because it serves my immediate self-interest.
I'm sorry, Carol, but if I can publish, maybe I'll be known as something other than Dr.
Frost's former pickleball partner.
I should not have revealed that.
Pickleball, cornhole.
White people games are wild.
I would never have expected this kind of self-centered thinking from two of you.
Being a doctor is not about personal glory.
We are a team.
A win for one of us - is a win for all of us.
- Hmm.
When I publish my article, I'll make sure to acknowledge you.
Not in the journal, obvi.
In a later Instagram post.
You know, whatever.
I'll bet my patient has some sort of really cool, exotic bird flu.
"Patient showing symptoms of the common flu.
" Don't read my chart.
What do you think you're doing? My scrubs? See, I thought if I tucked the top into the pants, it might give 'em more of a fitted, fashiony look.
What are you doing eating my blueberry muffin? Oh, th-this muffin is your muffin? I-I didn't know.
I'm sorry.
I-I It wa it was right by the apples.
Dennis didn't tell me it was yours.
It's his fault.
Excuse me? Just 'cause you're drowning, don't drag me in the pool.
Would you, uh, would you like an apple instead? Honestly, muffins aren't even that good for you.
A blueberry muffin is my Wednesday treat.
Apple was a bad idea.
I will replace this muffin for you.
As soon as we figure out the zebra.
Or now.
I'll go now.
I mean, would I prefer to work on a rare, interesting illness? Sure.
Do I feel betrayed by my best friends? You bet.
Is it too soon to call them my best friends? I am starting to think so.
But then I remember that each individual patient is fascinating in his own way.
Have you seen Driving Miss Daisy? I-It's about a black man who has to tolerate an old white lady.
Hello, Mr.
I'm Dr.
So, what seems to be bothering you? And, please, spare no gory detail.
Well, I guess to start, I'd have to say my head hurts and I have a stomachache and yep.
That's about it.
The cafeteria sold out of blueberry muffins.
Wow, I can't wait to watch the movie based on this.
If you're hungry, I have a bowl of vegan chili in my locker.
Aah, you guys are no help! I always assumed residency would break one of us, but, honestly, I had my money on me.
Hey, I know we both want this, but you're not gonna use your relationship with Dr.
Frost to get picked for the zebra, are you? Of course not.
We'll compete on medicine alone.
So no country club shenanigans? The Irish have shenanigans.
Country clubs have ballyhoo.
The zebra hunt continues.
Perhaps you two could contribute your thoughts to Mrs.
Hamden's scans.
Well, uh, the MRI shows minimal meningeal enhancement, so the patient's symptoms are unlikely to be meningitis-related.
What else? Uh Oh, I am seeing some enlargement of the liver.
We might want to test copper levels to rule out Wilson's Disease.
Excellent observations, Dr.
But what Dr.
Gilani missed was this region of discoloration.
Appears to be damaged tissue.
Possibly pulmonary fibrosis.
Good instincts, Dr.
However, on closer examination, that appears to be a thumbprint.
Excuse me? The scan tech was mid-burrito.
I suspect that's less pulmonary fibrosis, more pico de gallo.
What an embarrassing and disqualifying mistake to have made.
Caleb, you know what that reminds me of? That time your father and I were about to compete for the Southampton tennis championship.
Oh, uh, no, I-I don't remember that.
What? Of course you do.
I spilled gazpacho all over my whites.
You know, I did have one more thought on that liver.
- I'm interested.
- Uh, y-you know what? It just came back to me.
I-I do remember telling you not to eat in your whites.
But if I know Dr.
Stephen Frost, he can't resist a cold soup on a hot day.
That's right.
He can't! I-I never spilled soup in the Hamptons, but I did spill red wine in the bathtub - at a Hampton Inn.
- Hmm.
Uh, I still drank it.
Sommers, come with me.
We'll run a test for copper levels.
On it.
Okay, sir, your IV is successfully inserted.
And they say treating the flu isn't as interesting as some rare disease.
As if.
I love the flu.
I don't know, I might be too close to it.
Let's just check your vitals.
Blood pressure 120/70.
- That's extremely interesting.
- Really? In as much as how normal it is.
I mean, people aren't gonna be talking about it around the water cooler, but I don't know, I like it.
Gary how long have you had these spots on your hands? I don't know.
That's interesting.
Like normal interesting, or interesting interesting? Have you had any bug bites recently? A few, when I went camping.
Oh, and more spots on your ankles.
Oh, Gary, now we're talking.
Jacobs, look what I found.
I am ready to get back on that zebra.
What is that? It looks like it has smallpox.
Very astute eyes, Dr.
Jacobs, - but, no, those are cranberries.
- Cranberries? The cafeteria was out of blueberry, but this one's a bran base with cranberries.
It's a cran-bran.
A cran-bran? I'm impressed.
You managed to find a muffin that's actually worse than no muffin.
What is the deal with this muffin? Loud and clear.
I did have a backup plan.
If I could just jam these bluebies into this regular muffin without smushing 'em You know what.
I'll just toss this one myself.
Lexie, I'm sorry.
I'm not proud that I used my connection with Dr.
Frost, but if I can say one thing in my defense I panicked.
When he picks you to assist with the zebra, just remember you are a card-carrying member of the patriarchy.
All right, listen up, you two.
Unfortunately, I have some bad news about Mrs.
- She's not a zebra.
- Oh.
Turns out it's meningitis.
Just regular, vanilla, viral meningitis.
The cramping and tremors were nicotine withdrawal.
She lied about being a smoker.
A liar and a smoker? Who is this lady, my stepmom? Look, I know we were all excited about the zebra.
And I may not be around for the next one, so I want you youngsters, always remember Ooh, fresh pot of coffee.
Good news is, you didn't win.
The bad news is, neither did I.
Maybe it's for the best.
I mean, Carol was right.
Medicine should not be about your own personal glory.
Listen up, ordinary boring doctors.
Test results from my "flu patient" came in.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mama's got a zebra! Welcome, everyone.
This is Gary.
or as I like to call him, Carol's medical miracle.
Miracle? I'm cured? Gary, don't be rude.
I'm talking.
Now, I first noticed these unique spots on Gary's wrists and ankles.
Let's see those tootsies, Gare Bear.
And, you know, another doctor might have brushed off his rash as eczema or psoriasis.
However, a thorough examination led me to what I'm calling the keystone of my diagnosis.
Tell us! His recent camping trip.
- Ah.
- It made me suspect an insect-borne disease.
Now, tick-borne illnesses are notoriously difficult to differentiate.
- The worst.
- Yes.
Conventional wisdom would dictate that we go straight to the Western blot test, but in the absence of the distinctive Erythema Migrans rash, I immediately tested for Rickettsia rickettsii.
And, guys, I nailed it.
Gary has a case of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.
Oh! Thank you.
We expect a full recovery.
Obviously, this illness is extremely rare.
There are probably more actual zebras in Southern California than cases like this.
Usually I'd discourage that kind of glib wordplay, but - this zebra is pretty exciting.
- No kidding.
Kenney, would you like the assistance of either of your fellow interns to monitor treatment? I'm generally pleasant and willing to be a beta, so maybe pick me? Or keep in mind who always helps you connect to the printer.
Such a difficult decision.
Who should I take with me on this medical journey of a lifetime? You know what? I couldn't possibly take either of you away from your regular patients.
Oh, th-they won't miss us.
Someone once told me and he was right sometimes medicine just isn't fair.
It's a personal goal to never know the context of this.
Let's move.
Sorry it didn't work out.
I'm not sorry.
Listen, Dennis, you seem to know how to get things around here.
Now, I know we're not exactly best friends Whoa.
Where is this coming from? I consider us pretty good friends.
Yo, for real? That's so great to hear, especially Okay, not nice.
Look, Dr.
Jacobs holds my professional future in her muffin-less hands.
The only way I can placate her is to get her a cafeteria blueberry muffin.
Now, can you help me? Easy.
And I don't have to do anything weird for it? So now I have to think about which medical journal to target.
Obviously, you have your New England, which is, you know, your Harvard of journals.
But maybe I go indie? I don't know, I've heard there's some pretty cool journals coming out of Portland these days.
Hey, Carol.
Didn't realize there'd be a line for the meet-and-greet.
Guys, this is Dr.
Gilani and Dr.
They crushed it today on their meningitis patient.
- Bacterial? - No, no, standard viral.
Pretty basic, but they're good.
Anyway, can you give us a minute? I got to give these cuties a little face time.
Oh, my gosh.
Sorry about that.
They were just all congratulating me on the zebra.
I don't know, it's kind of embarrassing.
Carol, I don't mean to be harsh, but with all this grandstanding, you're acting like a surgeon.
Yeah, I would expect this kind of behavior from Daniel, but you, Carol? What a shame.
So, are you guys mad? It's just, you're the one who said you were all about teamwork over personal glory.
But then you didn't share your zebra.
So I guess what's happening here is, you're jealous because I'm getting all the praise and attention that you tried to steal from me.
Well, you certainly seem to be enjoying the spotlight.
I am.
I'm loving it.
I haven't spent much time in the spotlight, 'cause you know who doesn't get enough attention? Moms.
And teachers.
And people who run small bookstores.
I'm not that third thing, but I think they deserve more attention.
What is it? My patient.
He's crashing.
We're coming with you.
I think he's allergic to the doxycycline.
- Okay, everybody, he's in anaphylactic shock.
- Tell us what you need.
- Start a new IV, bolus him with saline.
- On it.
Sommers, you need to intubate before we lose the airways.
No sedatives.
We don't want to risk paralysis of the throat muscles.
- You got it.
- Nurse, I need one of epi.
IV's in.
Patient is stabilizing.
All right, keep bagging him.
Let's get him to the ICU.
Great work, team.
Now, I give you this muffin, you meet me outside the men's room at 5:30 p.
I'm not just agreeing to whatever - Mmm - Okay, fine, I'll see you at 5:30.
Thank you, Dr.
As you were.
What?! That's it? I-I-I have to know.
Wha-What is so special about this muffin? - Please.
- Dr.
Kutcher medicine is not a field where one has a lot of control.
I rarely know what will happen from one hour to the next.
But no matter who dies or who lives or who vomits in my hair, every Wednesday morning I enjoy a cafeteria blueberry muffin.
It's my anchor.
In a sea of unpredictability, it's the one thing I can depend on.
I suggest you find one.
Thank you.
That's very wise.
Maybe my anchor is you.
Your advice is - Go get me some milk! - Okay.
Carol, you were amazing in there.
You were like a general or a quarterback or a mom at a pool with three kids.
I mean, I couldn't have done it without you guys.
And I'm sorry I waited till a real emergency to let you help me out with the zebra.
Oh, come on, Carol, we always got your back.
I mean, not this morning, obviously.
Threw you under the bus pretty hard.
But, uh, almost always.
Excellent work, Dr.
Now, go find yourself a typewriter because you've got an article to write.
Hey, Dr.
Frost, would it be okay if the three of us wrote up the article together? As co-authors? I mean, I'll be the first name, obvi.
Then me, obvi.
And then Dr.
Jacobs, then some other people, and then you guys.
And I'll acknowledge Daniel in a later Instagram post.
Excellent plan.
Are you even on Instagram? Yeah, she is.
She has four followers, zero posts, and her account is private.
And I forgot my password.
And here we have another snake.
I don't think these teenagers really like having a clown.
Yeah, doesn't look like it.
Seems a bit young for them.
Then why do you hire clowns? Oh, we don't.
- So I'm not filling in for anybody? - No.
Then what am I doing here? Oh, this is just for me.
Damn it, Dennis! Daniel, oh, are you a clown? Yes.
Long story.
Who got the zebra? Carol did, but we got to help.
Everyone but me.
Great day for Daniel.
Uh, your name is Pepperoni.
Now, make the kids another snake.