Carol's Second Act (2019) s01e05 Episode Script

The Nightfloat

1 Okay, Dennis.
You ready for our night float? Featuring a solo doctor performance by Carol Kenney? Yes, yes, your first time being the only doctor on call.
- (SIGHS) - Big night for you, scary night for our patients.
Ooh, is that Dr.
Jacobs or Beyoncé? Before I leave, I'm legally obligated to tell you that if you have any problems, - you can call me on my one night off.
- Yes, I know.
I have your number, and I promise I will call you if Let me be clear.
I'm legally obligated to say that if you have any problems, you can call me.
On my one night off.
Loud and clear.
I am excited to show you that I am totally capable of handling this shift by myself.
Not a single call.
How about texts? Just kidding.
Okay, you have a great Okay, bye.
There she is.
Nervous? No, no.
I'm excited for my first night float.
I'm so excited you're doing the first night float.
Being here alone and unsupervised? I'd break down and call Dr.
Jacobs immediately.
I'm sure you're excited now, but when it's just you and the linoleum, and you have to make your first life-or-death decision? (LAUGHS): Yeah, you're gonna cave and call for help.
Give me your patients.
Uh, here are mine.
525 is exhibiting signs of a lung perforation.
There's a chance it's gonna collapse, which might require an emergency needle thoracostomy.
(GASPS) Ooh.
That's a major procedure, Carol.
Are you sure you're ready for that? Why don't you just give up now and call Dr.
Jacobs for help? Your patients, Daniel? Aw.
Somebody jealous that I'm the first intern to do a night float? Yes, of course.
Being on a night float means you get to act like king of the hospital.
Don't you always act like king of the hospital? Not at night.
Good night, Mom.
Just wanted to say good luck.
Thanks, honey.
So, I'm sure you young thangs have some big plans for your night off? - Totally.
- Huge plans.
Real plans.
- Nothing.
- I could have plans if I wanted.
I'm very lonely.
Aw, come on.
Oh, Jenny, can you take them out for a drink or something? Sure, now that you've asked me in front of everyone.
(CHUCKLES) It's been so long since we could do anything except go home, sleep for three hours, cry and then come back.
Should we go to a bar? A bar.
I remember bars.
I miss bars.
Well, that settles it.
Let's go.
Happy night float, Mom.
Good night.
(EXHALES) Dennis, it's go time.
There's nothing happening yet.
(BEEP) (LAUGHS) Being the only ones here is fun.
Don't you just love getting a little you and me time? Hmm? Carol and Dennis.
C and D.
C+D Music Factory.
Washington, D.
You know, usually, I prefer the night shift.
Less people, less talk.
But somehow tonight, there's less people, more talk.
Okay, okay.
I get it.
I also like to be alone with my thoughts and not have to deal with other people rambling on.
My mother is like that.
She's always telling me stories about her friends.
People I don't even know.
But she does have this one friend, Linda, who is such a character.
Room 506's oxygen saturation is dropping.
How do you want to proceed? Oh, boy.
That's a lot of fluid around his lung.
I mean, we could monitor it, but I'm worried about respiratory failure, so (SIGHS) My plan of treatment is a pleural tap.
Or maybe I'm jumping the gun.
Although we don't want to wait too long, so Yeah, pleural tap.
Easy decision.
Easy life-or-death decision that no one's here to double-check.
(CHUCKLES) So? So, I know real doctors don't call, but maybe we could just check with Dr.
Jacobs just to confirm.
Well, you could, but the last intern who called Dr.
Jacobs on her night off ended up in the morgue.
As a doctor or a corpse? I don't know.
I'm not his mother.
Call Dr.
Just oh, wait, wait, wait.
Thank goodness you're still here, Dr.
Um, just talking it out, I was thinking about performing a pleural tap.
Uh, any red flags there? Ah, I love a pleural tap.
- Do you? - Yeah.
Well, great news, because unless you think it's a terrible idea, I'm gonna do it and you're invited.
This is perfect.
I had book club tonight and I didn't read it.
Let's go.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) What do you think? Well, it's not the hospital or my apartment, - so I love it.
- (CHUCKLES) It smells like alcohol and bad decisions.
I'm home.
This is weird.
I've only ever seen you guys in scrubs.
Are (LAUGHS) Are you guys wearing matching outfits? (BOTH LAUGH) - Oh, no.
- Oh, no.
We've never hung out in the real world.
I didn't realize you had good taste.
I didn't realize you had lesbian taste.
Well, it's a good thing we get practically zero nights off.
There's a low chance we'll ever go out again and accidentally reboot the movie Twins.
BOTH: DeVito.
Yeah, there's also a low chance we'll ever feel the touch of a woman again.
I'm recently single.
Sorry, dude.
And with our schedules, we probably won't get laid again forever? Wait, what are you guys talking about? Just use an app.
Here, I can help, I'm a pro at dating profiles.
That's a no-go.
I've been kicked off of every major dating app for pretending to be a CIA recruiter.
I've already said too much.
There's a pending lawsuit.
Daniel? Oh, I don't need help.
I've got this.
Uh, Caleb, give me your phone.
(LAUGHS): Oh, my God.
Wait, did your messenger pigeon fly into a fan? Listen.
Do you know the environmental toll of a smartphone? Most e-recyclers don't have the capacity to recycle lithium batteries, - as we Mm-hmm? - Okay, great.
Looks like we're gonna meet people in person tonight.
Oh, but first, what are y'all drinking? - Mm.
Vodka soda with a twist.
- Vodka soda with a twist.
BOTH: DeVito.
CAROL: Okay.
Your pleural tap is done.
Great job, Mr.
Excellent work, Dr.
You handle a needle with the precision of Jascha Heifetz playing a Tchaikovsky violin concerto.
Oh, well, thank you.
I can honestly say no one has ever compared me to that before.
(CHUCKLES) I do get "a young Stockard Channing" from time to time.
Thank you for joining me, Dr.
Oh, it's my pleasure.
Uh, if it's all right with you, I might stick around a bit.
- All right with me? Uh, that would be great.
- Wonderful.
Oh! I know exactly what this night float needs.
Is it a secret handshake? Because I've been working on one.
(SIGHS) Hello, Dennis.
Guess who killed it on the pleural tap.
You killed someone with a pleural tap? What? No.
I-I was great.
We work in a hospital.
Think before you speak, woman.
Look, the point is, someone is doing a pretty good job on her first night float.
They threw me in the deep end, Dennis, and I am swimming.
"Mm-hmm" what? I just think someone is floating with a little help from Dr.
I'm the one that did the pleural tap.
Still cheating.
(GASPS) I have never cheated on anything in my life, including when I was chaperoning the eighth grade trip to Sacramento, and Jon Bon Jovi made eyes at me in the hotel lobby.
(CHUCKLES): You weren't gonna hook up with JBJ.
You didn't see the eyes.
And besides, I-I didn't call Dr.
Well, technically you didn't call for help, but help is here.
It's not floating till you float alone.
But you do you, girl.
I ain't judging.
Okay, I am judging.
What happened with the girl you were talking to? It was going great until I realized the guy next to her was her husband, and that the shawl over her purse was actually a blankie over her baby.
- Did he strike out with the baby mama? - You knew? And did you strike out with both brunettes because they're married to each other? - You knew? - (LAUGHS): I am so good at bars.
I love bars.
At this rate, we're never gonna find anyone.
I should never have broken up with Becky after college.
I mean, how bad is a cult, really? You just need to be more efficient.
And you guys are good at that.
You see, like, a hundred patients a day.
That's it.
Guys, let's just do rounds.
I'll be chief resident, Jenny will be the attending.
Lexie, point to a girl that you like.
That one.
Female, early 30s, no visible ring or partner, presents as single.
Well, I guess I should go write her a prescription for some Lexie-Pro.
(CHUCKLES) Well, she's exhibiting some complicating factors.
Her smudged mascara and her empty drinks indicate a recent history of romantic failure.
My diagnosis: not worth it, dude.
I concur, Dr.
Subject would require intensive care.
Let's move on.
All right, my turn.
That girl.
DANIEL: 20-something female, presents as single, exhibits multiple expensive brands.
My diagnosis: subject would not be cool with a guy whose phone flips.
Okay, okay.
Make some room for the senior attending.
I've got a girl for you, Caleb.
That girl in the blue.
She presents as hot.
Complicating factor: there are four women at that table, but only three purses.
So someone stole a purse? No, no, no, no, no.
I've been collecting data for years, and I've developed what I call Lexie's Lesbian Purse Theory.
Mm, intriguing.
Let us serve as your peer review.
Mm, you see, if a woman carries a purse, she may be straight, she may be gay.
However, if a woman does not carry a purse, 99.
9% of the time, she's a lesbian.
So, based on my research, if that table has four women and only three purses, what might we deduce? Between one and four of those women are lesbians.
- Exactly.
- CALEB: Well, this case may require some further observation.
Let's go run some tests.
(SIGHS) Every night float needs - snacks.
- Oh.
This will help fuel the rest of our night float.
All right, what's up next? Listen, uh, we have to talk.
Oh, no.
"We have to talk".
Every time a woman says that to me, I end up losing half my boat.
Now I have no boat.
Look, I really appreciate you being there for me, but if I'm gonna be a real doctor, I have to do this night float on my own.
Having you here feels like cheating.
I understand.
We had fun, though, didn't we? We did.
If I had to night float - with anyone, it'd be you.
- Aw.
We'll always have pleural tap.
They say if you love someone, set them free.
Goodbye, snacks.
- Good luck, Dr.
- Thank you.
- I should get to sleep anyway.
- (ELEVATOR DINGS) - Gonna be difficult.
I just drank a Red Bull.
- Mm.
Oh, well! - Good night.
- Dr.
Kenney! - What is it? - It's 525.
His lung just collapsed.
He's gonna need a needle thoracostomy, and Dr.
Frost just left.
Well, do you want to stop him? Uh You better decide fast.
He has a very good parking spot.
I've got this.
Catheter is placed.
Threading the extension tubing with a 60cc syringe.
KAREN: Breathing is improved.
Patient is stabilizing.
And we are clear.
All right.
Karen, transfer this patient to the ICU.
Dennis, walk with me.
(EXHALES) Question: did I crush that or did I nail it? I-I got to say, you did all right.
And you did it on your own.
I did.
I did a needle thoracostomy totally unsupervised.
I don't know what I was worried about.
I got this.
Okay, the training wheels are off, and the night restarts now.
Good evening, Dennis.
You know what, normally, I don't like this sort of thing, but after that? Good evening, Carol.
And now, it's time for this night-floater to swim.
Well, folks, it's still early in the game, but it looks like Lexie's pulling ahead.
Now, Jennifer, I've got to say, I think Lexie could win this match on the strength of her outfit alone.
She's got the trappings of a very hot male doctor.
Oh, looks like Caleb's trying the "arm stroke" maneuver.
You know, Daniel, I don't think I've seen flirting this overt since eighth grade, when Kevin Singleton said if we made out, no one had to know.
Yes, the "it'll be our secret" method.
I know it well.
I had to retire that one from play because it's gross and bad for my brand.
(CHUCKLES) - Well? - It looked like it was going my way when she was like, "I'm vegan and I love hiking.
" But then she said she hated cats, so who knows what's what.
Wait, so you just give up? Would you give up on a diagnosis? Not at the hospital.
Well, this is a teaching bar, and my interns don't bail.
You guys get back in there and figure it out.
So, uh, where is Kevin Singleton now? He burned down a Pizza Hut.
Patient is 24.
Admitted for pneumonia, but has started complaining about heart palpitations.
I checked her vitals, and her heart rate is through the roof.
Oh, yeah.
That is really fast.
Hey, Bree, I'm Dr.
Don't worry, you're in the right place.
Just just hang tight.
- Standard A-fib? - Yeah.
Looks like it.
Let's prep a dose of IV diltiazem, bring the rate down.
Uh, Dennis? Just, uh, hold up a second.
I'm worried about this EKG.
Something's off.
I mean, the rate keeps fluctuating, and the QRS seems to get wider as it's speeding up.
That's not typical of A-fib.
So, no meds? (SIGHS) Maybe I should call Dr.
Are you sure? You've been crushing it.
- The night's almost over.
- I know.
I don't want to, but this EKG concerns me.
It's your call.
- So? - So? The tests came back positive for Lexie.
It's cool, actually.
Her roommate wants me to go home with her.
- Okay.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
She wants me to go back to their place and look at her rash.
- Okay.
- Well, you know, maybe it'll lead to something.
Depending on where the rash is.
(CHUCKLING): Well, I'm gonna declare tonight a win - for the interns.
- Oh, I don't know.
I feel bad.
We spent so long helping the others, we didn't get around to you.
You didn't get to talk to anyone you liked.
Yes, I did.
All right, Bree.
You're stable and you're gonna be fine.
Kenney is right.
We figured out your A-fib was caused in part by Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome, a rare disorder in the electrical system of the heart.
Our cardiology team will be coming to evaluate you shortly.
But for now, just rest.
I'm glad you called me, Dr.
Because of the WPW complication, the standard treatment for atrial fibrillation would have killed her.
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.
I mean, I'm glad I didn't kill her.
And I'm glad I called you for a good reason.
So now you won't kill me.
Well, you did the right thing.
Well, I hope I didn't ruin your whole evening.
- Looks like it was fun.
- Excuse me? Oh, the stamp on your hand.
Were you at a concert? Oh I once met Jon Bon Jovi in a hotel lobby in Sacramento.
- Good morning.
- Dr.
Jacobs is already here.
You called her.
I knew it.
I win.
Pay up.
I hate to see my hard-earned money go to hair gel.
It's okay, Carol.
I would've wussed out, too.
DANIEL: Yeah, sorry about your career, Carol.
So, you've burned through teacher and doctor.
What's next, fun old lady detective? Okay, okay.
You guys don't know the half of it.
- The half that Dr.
Jacobs did? - (CHUCKLES): Oh! Burn.
Enough! This woman crushed it tonight.
She saw patient after patient after patient, and just as she was about to finish her first night float without one single phone call, she got one unusual patient.
And she was doctor enough to put her ego aside and make the call.
Because that's what real doctors do.
So don't give her any crap, unless you want to deal with me.
Thank you, Dennis.
C+D Music Factory.
I'm out.
Sorry, Carol, I was way out of line.
I don't care about whatever medical stuff you did.
Whatever you did to Dennis is way more impressive.
You guys look a little rough.
Big night? Well, Caleb and Lexie both went home with ladies.
And we ended up diagnosing both ladies with ringworm.
- Ooh.
- Also, their dog.
You actually look pretty good, Daniel.
Anything to report? Nope.