Casual (2015) s03e05 Episode Script

Look at Me

1 MALE ANNOUNCER: Previously on "Casual" You're currently not working? I'm dabbling in the hospitality business.
If I put you on a budget, your savings can get you through the end of the year.
Okay, so this is the cereal aisle, and it's just like Postmates, except if you want a box, you just grab one.
I'm multitasking.
Job search? Tell me! It's all dumb, just dressed up entry-level stuff.
Where are you getting this list? Head hunter.
That sounds violent.
That's what work is, sublimation of our violent desires to hunt and fuck.
Why would you lie to me about the tattoo? 'Cause I'm a teenager.
If you want it removed, you can earn the money yourself.
Hello, hurried consumer.
Care to sign the green power initiative and put alternative fuel vehicles on the road? No.
You do not.
What does one do in a storytelling class anyway? We mine the experiences of our lives to create a truthful and engaging performance piece.
- Sounds hokey.
- Quarterlife crisis.
Mm! Midlife crisis.
Well, she looks like she's having a midlife crisis.
But she's dressed like she's having a quarterlife crisis.
And her boots are new, so that's part of it.
How did you know I got 'em today? Check your sole.
[both moaning.]
Oh, no.
Absolutely not.
- No.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- She was pretty.
- Robot.
- [phone chimes.]
- How many times a day do you think the average person gets rejected? Guy or girl? Uh, guy.
Single app or across all platforms? Let's say all.
- Thousands.
- [phone rings.]
Here he is.
I like your necklace.
It's a Celtic charm.
Yeah, huh.
Looks like two trees fucking.
The tree of life's about the connection between all God's creations: tree, animal, man, woman.
Well, I like it a lot.
What's your name? Valerie.
Nice to meet you.
That was quick.
Got an interview.
Some new company in digital branding.
- Sounds promising.
- Wow.
Oh, yeah.
Very promising.
What's going on there? You working something? No, just a little something.
- Mm, did you tip him? - Yep.
Bad move.
Now he thinks you look down on him.
No, you you know, what do you know? A lot.
Go on, Mallory.
Thank you.
It's Valerie.
All right, democracy in action.
Thanks, Megan.
- You have yourself a nice day.
- Yeah.
Excuse me, sir.
Are you re Sir.
Do you ever think about maybe shutting down your phone and just tuning in to the world around you? Once.
Yeah, but then I realized I was standing in a parking lot and it got too real too fast This is all a big joke to you, huh? Well, they say laughter is the best medicine for despair.
People are gonna sum up your generation in one word - Scapegoat? - Entitled.
You're asking people to sign paper for money.
Okay? It's not exactly Standing Rock.
You know, fights need foot soldiers too, huh? And that includes skilled petitioners.
Skilled? Anyone could do this job.
Yeah, almost anyone.
- Fuck.
- What do you think? Too much? Uh, just depends on what you were going for.
Eight hours of rigor mortis, 12-inch knife wound, self-inflicted.
[gags, chokes.]
- Then I think you nailed it.
- Dude, thanks.
Glad you approve.
I wouldn't say that.
No, in New York, no one gives a shit about FX makeup.
That's crazy, right? In a city full of monsters.
Anyway, just happy to be in this supportive community.
You ever seen "Skeletons Fight For Flesh"? Oh, it's the best! They're making a sequel.
I'm out here for eight seconds, and already I'm going in for a meeting with the prop master.
It's like [mimics head crunching.]
Crazy, but awesome.
Wish me luck.
Oh! Also stoked this worked out, 'cause there's some, like, some real weirdos in the Airbnb community.
Can't be too careful, you know? - Easy.
You're gonna run into - I yep.
Cool base.
[singing indistinctly.]
Every car on the road is an opportunity.
It's a chance for us to make a dent in climate change.
Aren't you just the cutest! - If we can all just - What's her name? Oh, Holly.
No way.
That's my mom's name.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, after Buddy Holly.
- I love Buddy Holly.
- Me too.
Hey, okay.
I know you've been talking to Tracy here, but would you mind signing my petition sheet? You know, I'm just trying to prove to my mom that I can do this.
You know, and it would just mean a lot to me.
Of course.
Good for you for taking the initiative.
Whoa, those are some cool shoes.
They're kind of like mine, only yours are sparkly, which makes them way cooler.
I'm jealous.
- Thank you.
Really appreciate it.
- No problem.
- Thanks.
Have a great day.
- Bye, Holly! You little shit.
Oh, Tracy, come on.
This is bigger than you and me, right? This is about the world.
It's about making a difference.
It's about the future.
- [laughs.]
- [scoffs.]
Wow, bikes always remind me of my dad.
He fell off his, and now he's paralyzed from the waist down.
- Hey, will you sign this petition? - Yeah.
Wow, that's a great shirt.
Hey, you ever think about how we're selling oil to people who hate our way of life and probably want us dead? Mm.
I mean, like, Arizona in August.
You can't even wear black.
That's LA in 20 years if we don't get to work.
I mean, look.
Is global warming a Chinese conspiracy? I'm not a scientist.
But if you sign this, I get 65, and it'll help get rid of my awful tattoo.
[all chattering indistinctly.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
That was fun the other night.
Yeah, it was very fun.
We should hang again sometime.
Hello, everybody.
I confess.
Last week was tough, I know.
[laughs feebly.]
But we gained an understanding that it's not just words that shape our stories.
It's our bodies.
Yeah? So how do we use that? How do we take advantage of that? First, we have to understand When are you free? How about tomorrow night? Tomorrow's good.
- JOANNA: Then we can work on - Cool.
JOANNA: Reflecting or subverting those feelings.
The "Mad Men" stuff is over.
TV spots, pretty campaigns, their reach is negligible.
Yeah, any brand who wants to target consumers who matter, they come to us.
The right influencer paired with the right product can generate millions of impressions and, by extension, millions of sales.
Yeah, do you know how much Kim Kardashian charges for a sponsored Instagram post? - I - $700,000.
For one picture? - We could get her $750.
- We will get her $750.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
And how would I fit in? We want to grow beyond talent.
Packaging, content production, even apps.
It's all on the horizon.
And as chief technology officer, I would, what, head up a development team? Uh, yeah, eventually that's that's the hope.
Yeah, we're still in our capital building phase.
Our IPO's another year or two away, so The CTO is more of an IT professional.
So you want me to be the guy who tells you how to restart your computer? - Oh, no.
- [both laughing.]
No, no.
That's a stereotype.
IT's critical to a business like ours.
Yeah, well, that's why we rebranded the position.
I mean, calling something by a different name doesn't change what it is.
- That's debatable.
- Is it? Oh, look.
You know, we get it.
It's a new role for you.
But you'd be getting in early.
Yeah, and there's a real opportunity for growth in a world you may be aging out of? - Wow.
- I'm sorry.
It's just the people we meet your age, they're not versed in the newer languages: Swift, Julia, Google Go.
But but for all I know, you're fluent in all of them.
- So think it over.
Let us know.
- Yeah.
- I will.
- Cool.
- Thanks.
- Yeah, great.
- Thanks for coming in.
- Thank you.
Yeah, thanks.
- Oh, it's sliding.
- Yep, sliding.
Hey, there.
Got a minute to stick it to the oligarchy? What do you think these signatures are for? Clean energy initiatives.
- Like what? - Uh, research, subsidies What kind of subsidies? Fuel-efficient cars.
- $3 billion worth? - Uh-huh.
And who do you think benefits from that? Everyone? Who's paying you for these signatures? People.
You don't think maybe the people backing this initiative have a less than philanthropic agenda? [scoffs.]
What do you know? Nothing.
I'm just a concerned citizen of the world like you.
It's ridiculous.
I didn't start a company to argue semantics with Kim Kardashian's social media pimps.
Do I command that little respect now? It's demeaning.
Yes, it is.
It's very demeaning.
- Hi, honey.
- [groans.]
- How was harassing strangers? - Fine.
Have you guys heard of the Clean Renewables Institute? - No.
- Nope.
It's the group behind my petition.
And some woman said that it was, like - [groans.]
- Not what it What? - Top-Knot wants to go out to dinner.
- The horror! He said he wants to hang.
"Hang" means "hook up.
" Not eat.
- You can't do both? - I can.
I just I'm gonna have to get half a portion of food or, like, a side salad so I look good naked and the whole time I'm gonna be thinking about how hungry I am and how I can't wait for him to finish so I can hurry up and pick up a burrito.
- Ghost him.
- Straight to the shadow realm.
I can't.
He's in my class.
- [phone chimes.]
- both: Oh, no.
Now I just want a burrito.
- Mm.
- I have a potentially terrible idea.
You like alpacas.
Oh, yeah, I love alpacas.
How delightful.
Have you ever seen one? I have a sweater.
So when's the last time you sang with someone? Uh, when that I [laughs.]
What? It's one of the 36 questions.
"The New York Times"? Okay.
Oh, those Like, for me, I sing, but mostly just alone in the shower.
Maybe you'll hear it.
What's your perfect day? [clicks tongue.]
Um, I think it's yeah, excuse me.
- Um - Have we decided? - Let's see.
- We'll do the tasting menu.
Is that okay with you? All right? - Well, that's a lot.
- And if you're interested in the soufflé, I suggest you order now.
It takes 45 minutes to prepare.
Love soufflé.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Actually, um, I'd prefer the the cheese plate, if that's all right with you, so Fuck the soufflé.
So cheese, huh? - Mm-hmm.
- Where'd that start? Ah, I can't really tell how hungry I am.
Do you do this a lot? - App date? - No, not recently.
I guess your profile just spoke to me.
Oh, I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was like 100 feet away.
Well, don't you just love life's little coincidences? [laughs.]
So what do you do? - In life? - In work.
- Do you know Snooger? - Sure.
Yup, my baby.
- Oh, wow.
- That's me.
Founded it, cashed out, and now here we are.
- Good for you.
- Never thought I'd be one of those dot-com guys, but there are worse things, I guess.
- Yeah, there are.
- Yeah.
So you probably know, then, why people keep coming back.
You know, why the app is so appealing.
Yeah, I have my theories.
Yeah, me too.
- Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm.
And they are? I think it's the swipe.
You know, it's just that gesture.
- Yeah? - There's no movement.
No time wasted.
And it's so elegant, it's like a conductor with a wand.
You know, and one swipe can unlock a person in an instant.
Like a video game or something.
And it just opens up this world of all these different possibilities and all these energies, and it's It's pretty cool.
I'm rambling.
What? Nothing.
Oh, come on.
That was just very insightful.
And weirdly passionate.
Thank you.
You know, I've thought a lot about this.
Why go into it if you're not gonna do the research? I totally agree.
Yeah, I, um - You're 28? - Mm-hmm.
And you own a home.
Have a career.
That's that's impressive.
I had help from my parents.
Which I used to be ashamed about, but, you know, I realized that you can't live your whole life apologizing for something that's out of your control.
It's what you do with it.
So now I just want to work and give a little back and find a guy that has his shit together.
I'll drink to that.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
You're so funny.
That's so rare.
You don't meet many women who Who what? You know what? I just I can't get that soufflé out of my mind.
- Can we just put one in? - Perfect.
Thank you.
Oh, don't worry.
We'll still get the cheese plate.
- Yeah.
- That's crazy.
I know.
Exes are awkward enough, but add in a pregnancy and it fucks with you.
Yeah, I get it.
But here's the craziest part.
My whole life, I've been mortally afraid of this.
- The accidental pregnancy.
- Mm.
Being locked into something without being prepared for it.
But when she told me it wasn't mine I don't know.
It kinda broke my heart.
I know I'm not supposed to say that.
- No, no, you can totally say that.
- I just don't want to be an old dad.
And if I keep fucking around for five more years, then what? I wake up, and I'm in my 40s, and my knees fuckin' hurt, and I wonder where my life went.
Yeah, I totally want a family too.
You know, but everywhere I look, I see the same messaging.
Wait until you're older.
Don't sacrifice your dreams to have a family.
Everyone says that to me.
But what if having a family is my dream? Well then, I think that's a wonderful dream.
Any religious affiliation? Agnostic.
Outstanding warrants? Not that I'm aware of.
Disease-free? With quarterly checkups.
- Should we go back to my place? - I'll call the car.
I'll be right back.
Excuse me.
- Oh, hey.
- He won't stop looking at me.
- We're gonna take off.
- Wait what? Yeah.
She's amazing.
What a night.
Alex, this guy is like raw plutonium radiating poison into my skin and breaking me down with his toxic lack of self-awareness.
- [phone chimes.]
- My Uber's here.
And it's surge pricing, so I really don't want to make him wait.
Go have fun.
Bye! [sighs.]
Mmm, my God, this soufflé is so good.
- You should try some.
- Nah.
I'm good.
That was impressive.
Byron, if you keep ordering me drinks I'm gonna keep drinking 'em.
'Cause that's the kind of night that I'm having.
Have a wonderful night.
What? Oh.
No, I paid when you went to the bathroom.
Just a little trick I picked up.
Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
- Sneaky tricks.
Well, that is very, very very thoughtful.
My pleasure.
So what do you say? Do you have the energy for one last stop? Maybe a little nightcap at your place? [both moaning.]
Hey, hey.
Look at me.
Just look at me.
Right here.
I'm gonna cum.
Will you cum with me? Um sure.
- That was incredible, huh? - Mm-hmm.
Goodnight, Byron.
Move the hot tamale.
Now the blue sucker.
You'll get a candy avalanche.
I'll get us a table.
You again.
Oh, you remember me? Can't forget you.
So what, your boyfriend afraid of me? Um, well, he's my brother.
And yeah, probably.
All right, then.
I'll call you when it's ready.
- Okay.
- [phone dings.]
Hm? Hey wrote, "Hey bb.
" - Top-Knot? - Mm-hmm.
- Ugh.
- When's your next class? - Tonight.
- Yikes.
It is so bad.
I drank all the gin just to un-hear him, and he would not stop talking.
You got to nip this in the bud.
- I mean, how? - Text him.
Tell him you want to be friends.
Short and sweet.
Yeah, but I don't want to be friends.
I just want the benefits.
Well, then get 'em somewhere else.
- Trust me.
- How's my landlord? - I'm seeing her again tonight.
- Ugh.
Val, listen, she's incredible.
She's honest, driven knows exactly what she wants.
I mean, it's almost scary.
To reconnect with Emmy, and then just like that, meet someone who checks all the boxes? I mean, what are the odds? What are the odds? - You're on tilt.
- What? Mallory! [Chuckles.]
- Close enough.
- Yeah.
One day of work, huh? That's all you had in you? - Not now.
- I guess it's for the best.
When the world starts boiling and it's too hot to move, you'll be perfectly prepared.
Entitled Millennial.
Fuck you.
You're a fucking fraud.
You don't give a shit about me.
The Clean Renewables Institute? It's a group of rich old men who want to sell natural gas.
Keep your voice down.
Why, are you afraid people are gonna quit signing? God, you're just a fucking user, like everyone else.
No, you know what? You're worse than that.
Because you fucking know better, and you still sell this shit.
And you're right, the world probably is gonna boil.
But at least you'll have enough money to run your fucking air conditioning.
Congratulations! [exhales.]
[light music.]
You all right? I'm fine.
What was that about? Nothing.
It's just the stupid petition.
I'm a fuck-up.
Even when I try to do good, it turns bad.
At least you're trying.
That's what you say to someone who's destined for failure.
Well, I'm always looking for interns.
Failures need not apply.
That was probably illegal, huh? - Super illegal.
- [Both laughing.]
[indistinct chatter, laughter.]
So, how did you know? I went to the shelter a couple times.
And the two times that we met, we locked eyes, and he's got the cutest Little face, and these human eyes, and it was, um it was an instant connection.
You just know.
I miss my dog.
- Carl.
- Aw.
Well, you should get another one.
I got the space.
You do.
You do.
I knew I'd love your place.
- My temple on the hill.
- Yeah.
So how about you show me the rest of it? Okay.
[Kool Blues "I Need You".]
MAN: I need you Yeah, I need you Don't you know I need you Whoo, I need you Don't you know baby, I need you Hello.
Welcome, everyone.
Who wants to go first? Byron.
Please, take the stage.
[clears throat.]
It started with Whitney Houston.
"The Greatest Love of All.
" I'd heard that song a million times, but I never really thought about it.
Nor did I think of it then.
For my thoughts were only of her.
Our first encounter.
It was brief, but tonight's dinner was to bring our spring to bloom.
I took her aboard a cuisine cruise of seven courses, each more lavish than the last.
But it wasn't enough.
I opened my heart, praised her wit But she toyed with me.
Like a cat with a rat, she shunned my eyes and plundered my soul's vessel.
At home, I lay awake, tending to my shaken core.
Was I still Byron? Or had she taken that from me too? I soon realized the answer, for I'd heard it earlier that night.
If I fail, if I succeed.
no matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity.
And that is the greatest love of all.
Thank you.
[snorts, giggles.]
We can clap.
[scattered applause.]
Definitely clap.
So sorry, that was really, really, good.
That was great.
[loud rock music.]
Oh! Hi! Hi! Hi, hi, hi.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey, who's this? - Oh, I'm Rae.
I'm sorry, I'm Alex's Airbnb.
So that's it.
Dude! I got the job on the movie.
So, um, yeah, and I, uh I was thinking, what if I stayed in the room and rented in more of like a longer-term situation? - Uh - 'Cause I know money's tight.
You know, and you're looking for work, so even if it's, you know, till you find something, whatever, it would really help me out.
- Right.
- You guys want drinks? - No thanks.
- No.
WOMAN: She's cute.
Nice meeting you.
I know.
I'm sorry.
It's just it's so crazy.
I don't understand.
She needs you right now? Yeah.
Yeah, you know, she's my boss.
This happens sometimes.
- I'm really sorry.
- Yeah, but it's it's 11:00 at night.
Yeah, it is.
And you know what? Oh, shoot.
Okay, I just remembered that I'm gonna be out of town for the next two weeks at this expo, so I'll just, um - I'll call you when I'm back.
- You can stop.
You're here, and I'm here.
Different timelines.
That's all.
Is this because of Rae? Because I can evict her.
I can do that.
Just toss her ass right back out on the street.
You know? We can do the things.
- The things? - Yeah.
You don't have a job.
I'm sorry.
You need a ride? No, I'm the late shift.
You're doing all right.
Right? Mm-hmm.
Don't forget to wear sunscreen, okay? - Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
[reflective music.]
Hey, uh do you find me attractive? I do.
Do you think you can have sex with someone you find attractive? No strings attached? - I can.
- Excellent.
You don't even know my name.
You don't know mine.
So HARPER: No, no, no, I just don't don't do anything.
Just leave him there, and I no, I'm downstairs.
I'll be up in one second.
[Thao & The Get Down Stay Down "Cool Yourself".]
Yeah, no.
Just wait.
Just wait.
MAN: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I will love you like this now You can recognize it later I will love you like this now You can recognize it later But I would never blame you If you would never stay here Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
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