Chuck s01e01 Episode Script

Chuck Versus the Intersect

Morgan, this is a bad idea.
We can't stay here, Chuck.
I'm uncomfortable with the plan.
What plan? This is survival.
We've been compromised.
I'm a ghost.
Morgan, you can't leave me like this.
You can't do this to me, man.
Chuck, what are you doing? Uh, escaping.
From your own birthday party.
Hey, Ellie.
Wow, you look fantastic.
Uh, you know, sis, the thing is Morgan and I don't really feel like we're fitting in at my birthday party.
Because we don't know anybody.
Because they're all your friends and they all happen to be doctors.
Yeah, doctors who don't really get our jokes.
- Well, your jokes.
- Okay, my jokes.
Chuck, I have invited real, live women for you.
So please, let's go.
Morgan, you stay here.
- Need a hand, buddy? - No, no, no, I'm okay.
I'm all right.
Birthday boy, come with me.
We're gonna be social.
You are funny, smart, handsome.
- Thank you.
There's Captain Awesome.
- Please don't call him that.
Okay, I've identified some candidates for Chuck, and they are awesome.
Let me introduce you to Chuck, Ellie's brother.
We've heard so much about you.
Are you in a costume? No, I work for the Nerd Herd.
Nerd Herd? That is so cute.
What do you really wanna do? Working on my five-year plan.
What happened here? Did you hurt your hand? No, no, it's, ahh, from "Call of Duty.
" The controller chafes after several hours.
- Ellie said you went to Stanford.
- Yes, that's technically correct.
I graduated in '02.
- What was your major? - Engineering.
Oh, my God.
I knew this great guy.
He was an engineer.
Um, he ran track.
And I think he was a gymnast too.
- Bryce Larkin.
He was my roommate.
Oh, yes.
- What's he doing now? - I think he's an accountant.
It's hard to say goodbye.
COMPUTER Security breach: Data Vault.
- So do you have a girlfriend? - Ahh, no.
- I did, a while back at Stanford.
Her name was Jill.
We met freshman year.
Oh, that was a while back.
I remember when I met Jill, I was Uh, it was in Economics class.
I was walking across the quad and she had dropped her bag.
And I was, like, rushing to, heh To go and pick it up for her.
And, uh, we kind of, like, did that whole Like in a cartoon, kind of bumped heads and There was a whole gang of us, Jill and Bryce.
We had so much in common then.
How's he doing? Not awesome.
So there I was.
Jill with Bryce, me on a train home.
I guess she thought he was more exciting.
Larkin is in the vault.
Larkin, open the door.
You have three seconds.
We can compromise.
Blow the door.
Okay, let's go.
Stop right there.
Larkin! Turn right.
Larkin, stop.
Larkin is on the roof.
All units, converge.
I repeat, Larkin is on the roof.
All units, converge.
Don't move.
Too late, Casey.
Thanks for my party.
Your seven-layer dip? Tasted like eight.
- Chuck, can I tell you something? - It really was eight layers? Even though we may ask, no woman wants to hear about an old girlfriend.
It's depressing, okay? Stanford was five years ago.
You need to move on.
It's time.
Do we have to have this conversation again? We've rehearsed it enough.
Well, I'll get over Jill tomorrow.
Hey there.
Seems like everybody had a really good time, huh? I know I did.
Cheer up, Chuck.
You can talk to some women.
You know, it's a start.
A blast-from-the-past wow.
- Bryce remembered your birthday, dude.
- What? Got you kicked out of school, stole your girl? Yeah, Morgan.
I think I remember Bryce.
All right, well, what, uh? What do we got here? Huh.
What is it? "Zork.
" Remember "Zork," the old text-based video game? Bryce and I programmed our own version of it back at Stanford using a TRS-80.
Wow, you guys were really cool.
Yeah, if I could only remember what was in my hero's satchel.
The weapons I would use to kill the terrible troll.
You know what? You're still really cool.
And, uh, you're going home.
- Is it that time? - It's that time.
- Pedal safe.
Thank you.
Attack troll with nasty knife.
Are you okay? Morgan? Yeah, man.
Yeah, it's me.
What happened? I was gonna ask you the same question.
You okay? Did you spike the punch? Something goes wrong, you blame me.
After all these years, where's the trust? Yes, I did.
The 101 is clear at Universal City.
Watch for delays near Burbank Airport.
Security's checking all vehicles.
Got a stickler on the I-605 San Gabriel River Freeway.
A fender-bender on the I-5 Freeway, northbound from 91 Freeway to So I'm playing Xbox and I'm like, "Dude, let me get the sniper rifle.
" Guy won't give me the sniper rifle.
I need a frag grenade Morgan, Morgan, Morgan.
As much as I would love to talk video games with you I've got a really splitting headache.
- Oh.
You know what, can you do me a favor? You mind driving? Whoa, whoa.
Are you being serious? You're gonna let me drive.
It's a company car, Morgan.
It's not that big a deal.
Whoa, it's not just a company car, okay? A hooptie's a hooptie, homeboy.
I mean, this baby's sitting on chrome.
Or plastic.
Do me a favor and stay off the 5, okay? The cops are in phased deployment.
Thanks for the tip, Ponch.
Fellow Nerds, today is going to be a very bad day.
We've got new computer virus on our hands.
They're calling this one the Irene Demova virus.
Ha, ha, ha.
Yes, yes.
It's named after the Serbian porn star.
Lonely dude call volume will be high.
This is a nasty one, kids.
It's a computer-killer.
Last night, the display version of our Prism Express laptop was fried when someone Excuse me, I - decided to enter Miss Demova's website.
Anna, close the eyes.
This is what happens.
Oh, this sexy.
Am I sexy? Am I sexy? Sorry, Chuck.
She drives me crazy.
But that's love.
Ahh, if you'll please just ignore dirty Uncle Morgan The former commander of NA TO I think everything is set to arrive in Los Angeles to deliver a speech before the security league.
will be The general has drawn fire for his criticism normal.
General Stanfield, the former allied commander of NA TO His report has been politically motivated.
He's already here, he landed last night.
Anonymous sources inside the Pentagon Who's already here, Chuckles? are trying to stop tomorrow night's speech from happening and its text I don't know.
Of course, we'll have updates for you as events unfold.
Bryce Larkin was CIA, Graham.
- He was one of your agents.
And it was NSA's job to find him.
To question him, not to kill him.
Thanks to Rambo here, we've got nothing.
No, you got a dead CIA agent.
That's gold star in my book.
- Lf this gets out - It won't.
- Nobody asked you.
- Actually, they did.
Major Casey is heading up this investigation.
So, what was Bryce after? What did this computer do? Well, this computer did everything.
After 9l11, the NSA and the CIA were told to play nice.
Share their intel.
This is how we did it.
Every scrap of data we had went into this computer.
It mined for patterns in the chatter saw things we didn't.
The data was encrypted into thousands of images.
Whoever received Larkin's e-mail got all of our secrets.
Find those secrets, Casey.
Found this on Larkin.
Hard drive's fried, but we picked up a trace signature.
- Where? - Los Angeles.
Which is perfect.
Been feeling a little pasty.
Stop the presses.
Who is that? Vicki Vale.
Vicky Vale Vick Va-Vicky Vale Vickity-vickity Vicki Vale Vick Va-Vicky Vale - I hope I'm not interrupting.
- No, not at all.
- Uh, that's from It's from Batman.
- Because that makes it better.
Ahh, hi.
Hey, I'm Morgan.
And this is, uh, Chuck.
Wow, I didn't think people still named their kids Chuck.
Or, uh, Morgan, for that matter.
My parents are sadists.
And carnival freaks found him in a dumpster.
But they raised me as one of their own.
- How can I help you? - Sarah.
- Sarah.
- I'm here about this.
Oh, yeah, the IntelliCell.
Uh, this model has a little screw that pops loose right in the back here.
You just go ahead and give it a couple of quick turns and good as new.
No problem.
Wow, you geeks are good.
- Nerds, I'd say nerds probably more - It's no big deal.
Yeah, you know, Nerd Herd.
Excuse me, excuse me.
I have an emergency.
I don't know what I did wrong, but I shot the entire recital but, um, now it won't play back.
Okay, we'll just take a look.
And you don't have a tape in here.
- But it's digital.
- Oh, boy.
Right, yes, but you still need digital tape.
Oh, no.
Her mom's gonna kill me.
Uh, Morgan, I need the wall.
It's yours.
I'm so sorry.
Okay, this way.
Are you ready? What's wrong? I'm usually in the back row.
- Why? - I'm too tall.
I block the other ballerinas.
Can I tell a secret? You can't tell the other girls.
Real ballerinas are tall.
Did you get it? Did it work? - Chuck.
- Hi, Harry.
We'll be back up and running in five minutes.
Five minutes? Do you know what five minutes means in Buy More dollars? I didn't realize we had our own currency.
I'm sorry about all the commotion.
We are not stock boys anymore, Chuck.
We are leaders.
Buy More leaders.
And you wonder why Big Mike wants me for assistant manager.
There's an open position? Big Mike didn't tell me.
And why should he? He knows you won't leave the comfort of the Herd.
Chuck, dude.
She left you her card.
Why wouldn't you call this girl? - Oh, I don't know.
Did you see her? - Yes.
Oh, man, yes.
I'm gonna repeat the question: Why wouldn't you call? Because I live on planet Earth, Morgan.
Why are you following me home? Aw, come Hey, we're buddies.
We're gonna go do friend things and I need to use your computer.
Mine's still acting up.
Ah, heh, heh.
Irene Demova? Oh, so beautiful and so deadly.
You gotta understand, this is what I've been telling I don't know how long Please, not the computer.
Hyah! Come on, Chuck, do something.
Give me the That's my friend.
Okay, look, he's not that good of a friend.
Didn't you hang that shelf? Damn it.
Now, I've been through it.
It's dead, it's totally fried.
This hard drive was murdered.
What if you were the target of a ninja vendetta and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nun-chuks? That's super, Jeff.
Thanks for thinking outside the box on that one.
And here I thought I couldn't get any more freaked out.
I'm gonna go buy some new locks next door at Large Mart.
Oh, thank God.
Uh, excuse me, sir? Do you know where they sell the? What do you want? Um, no, sorry.
Sorry, nothing.
Nothing at all.
Just I was, ahh Oh, the Wow, look at that.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Thank God.
Listen, there's a guy here.
He's trying to do something, I don't know.
Call the cops, security, the guy checking receipts.
- What kind of guy? - Scary, kind of a Terminator vibe.
- Stubble, red hair.
- Black leather jacket? Yes, yes.
Like that guy? I have eyes on him right now.
Like I said, the computer was destroyed beyond repair.
Okay, it's done.
I want you in the air in an hour.
- Lf he has an external drive, a backup? It's over, Sarah.
The NSA is stepping in.
Bryce was CIA.
He was our guy, and he burned us.
Casey's on his way out.
You're being recalled.
Because of Casey.
He's a burnout.
- He's a killer, Sarah.
Cold school.
I want you to listen to me.
Whatever happened with Bryce, you couldn't have known you couldn't have stopped.
But I can fix it.
If there's a backup, I'll find it.
Just give me 12 hours.
I'm losing my mind.
I'm losing my mind.
I'm losing my mind.
Morgan, not now.
Uh, phone trouble again? Uh, yeah.
I'm not sure I'm able to receive calls because I never got one from you.
Man, she got I'm sorry I left so quickly yesterday.
I had an appointment with a realtor.
I just moved here.
- Welcome.
And, uh, I don't really know anyone here.
I was wondering if you would show me around.
That is, if you're free.
Oh, he's free.
He's got nothing but time on his hands.
He is very available and you guys are gonna have a great time.
What's that, sir, Xerox machines? Yeah, I'm on it.
Apparently, my schedule is wide open.
You're very suspicious.
- Hey, Chuck.
- Ellie, captain.
Don't freak out, remain calm.
I have some news.
Chuck's got a date.
What? Who? Way to go, Chuck.
That's awesome.
Oh, God.
- What are you gonna wear? - Eh.
So, Sarah she's nice? Pretty? Yeah.
Actually, Morgan met her online in this kind of chat room.
- I'm totally kidding.
- Try it on.
Honestly - I'm a girl.
I know what girls like.
- I'll go change.
- Hey, these are leftover from the party.
- Oh, okay.
And, um, don't forget about the old-girlfriend rule.
Right, got it.
No mention of Jill.
Aces, Charles.
You're aces.
A Dad quote.
I'm impressed.
- Love you, sis.
- I love you.
Have fun.
I will.
I'll try.
Just - They grow up so fast, you know? And - Go home, Morgan.
Just go home.
Go home.
He's picking me up for a date.
You're on your own on this one, Sarah.
I can't help you if something goes wrong.
I didn't know about this guy, Graham.
Nice guys aren't sent government secrets.
What should I do if he runs? Kill him.
Yeah, I live with my sister and her boyfriend, Captain Awesome.
Ha, ha.
- It's true, though.
So wait.
You call him "Captain Awesome"? Yeah, wait till you meet him.
Everything he does is awesome.
Climbing mountains, jumping out of planes, flossing.
That's funny.
Well, I'm a funny guy.
Which is good, because I am not funny.
Is that your secret? Because I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you.
Oh, plenty.
Believe me.
I was thinking, "Either she's a cannibal or she's not that funny.
" I was pulling for cannibal because I never met one before.
Uh, not a cannibal.
But I did just come out of a long relationship so I may come with baggage.
Well, I could be your very own baggage handler.
Uh, so the guy, the ex, the guy.
The ex is the reason you moved here from? - Uh, D.
- Right.
Yeah, after I realized that all of my friends were his friends and that everything about Washington reminded me of Bruce I needed change.
- A big one.
- Bruce, yeah.
You give me crap for being Chuck and you went out with a Bruce.
That's nice.
That's real good.
So, what about you? What skeletons do you have in your closet? Any secrets? Any women? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, actually.
Well, back in college, there was someone.
Actually, that's all over with now and her restraining orders are very specific.
So I like you, Chuck.
So where are we going? Well, do you like music? I guess.
You guess? What's your favorite band? Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.
God, I'm not funny.
I don't listen to music.
This must be your worst date ever, right? I was waiting for you to say no.
Sorry, I kind of zoned out there for a second.
No, no, no.
God, no.
I, uh I've had much, much worse Ahh, much worse dates, experiences, overall with women.
- In 11 th grade, actually.
- Eleventh grade? Oh, you have to go back that far? - Come on.
- I really don't date all that much.
Chuck Bartowski's your mark.
NSA director wants him with a pulse.
Till we find out who he's working with and what he knows, he lives.
The CIA skirt, you can kill.
- They're good.
- Good.
- Let's dance.
- I'm not really a dancer.
Hey, where's the fire? Chuck, give me your keys.
I don't mean to be old-fashioned, but the company only wants employee Nerds, driving the Nerd Herd mobile.
I mean, it's kind of, you know Get in the car.
- How did you get into my car? Get in the car right now.
Just get in.
What is going on? Please tell me what's going on.
Sarah, you're not even looking.
Wait, who are these guys? What do they want? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die.
Tell me when to turn.
Uh, left in five seconds.
- Your left or my left? - What? - Too late.
- Aah! Oh, my God.
Computer emergency.
Those men will hurt you.
They're from the NSA and they're after you.
Me, why? Wait, why me? I'm nobody.
I'm the supervisor of a Nerd Herd at a Buy More.
Maybe I'll be assistant store manager and I don't even know if I want that job.
You know what, that's not your problem.
But that is.
Back, back.
Get out of the car.
Let's go, Chuck, move.
Sarah, look out.
Request emergency air EVAC.
Track location, we're on foot.
Let's go.
How well do you know Bryce Larkin? What? How do you? How do you know Bryce? We worked together at the CIA.
The what? The CIA? Bryce is a spy? Bryce Larkin from Connecticut is a spy? A rogue spy.
Did he try to contact you? I haven't heard from Bryce in the Wait, no.
He sent me an e-mail.
Did you open it? - Yeah, it was a line from "Zork.
" - What? Uh, "Zork.
" It's a video game that we used to play.
It was a riddle, then I solved it and there was pictures, lots of pictures.
You saw them? Your computer, did you back it up? Is there an external drive? It crashed a week ago.
Wait, hold on a sec.
Was I not supposed to look at those pictures? Okay.
I may have to aim my gun at you, so just don't freak out.
Why? It's late.
I'm tired.
Let's cut the crap and give him to me, now.
He belongs to the NSA.
The CIA gets him first.
You come any closer and I shoot.
Sarah? I'm freaking out.
You shoot him, I shoot you.
I leave both your bodies here, go out for a late snack.
I'm thinking maybe pancakes.
Chuck, no! Stanfield, the former allied Stop tomorrow night's meeting from They're gonna kill him.
Kill who? Stanfield, the general.
The general, Stanfield, the NATO guy.
Something is wrong with me, okay? I don't know what it is.
I'm remembering things that I shouldn't know.
Okay, Chuck, talk to me.
Like what? I don't know.
For example, ahh there was a Serbian demolitions expert at Large Mart today.
That's kind of odd, wouldn't you say? Last week, the NSA, you guys intercepted some blueprints.
Blueprints of a hotel, that hotel.
And then the CIA, you guys found a file of schematics of a bomb in Prague.
The bomb is in that hotel.
He was working with Bryce.
No, he opened Bryce's e-mail.
Those pictures you saw were encoded with secrets.
Government secrets.
If you saw them, then you know them.
- There were thousands of them.
Wait a minute.
You're telling me all of our secrets are in his head.
Chuck is the computer.
- What did you say, what's that mean? - Listen to me.
- Tell us where this bomb - What is happening? You said there was a bomb.
Is there time to stop it? - What? What, are you crazy? - No, we're the good guys.
We get paid to keep bombs from exploding.
Look, I can't help you.
Okay? I really wish that I could, but I can't.
- Call Bryce, he can save the day.
- Bryce is dead.
He died sending those secrets to you.
Bryce is dead? And he's gonna have a lot of company unless you start talking.
So pretty please, can we diffuse the bomb now? According to the schedule, the general's already on the stage.
It is our mission to give our nation's diplomats the military perspective on world issues.
Now, maybe it was just because I was a uniform Wait, Casey.
We can't take him in, he's too valuable.
Okay, Johnny Commodore.
Stay here but tell us where to go.
- Uh, the easiest way? - The fastest, Chuck.
The fastest.
Got it.
Chuck, stop.
Chuck, wait.
You know, it takes courage to speak up, to take action.
This way, this way.
It's through there.
This way, this way.
Chuck, where is it? I don't I don't What that means is we simply shouldn't do it.
Well, I disagree.
- During my time in Vietnam - That's it.
I met an exhilarating young colonel.
He theorized This Yeah, right here.
- Oh, God.
- No time to evacuate.
Ideas? - Disconnect the laptop.
The cables? No, definitely a trap.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Ladies and gentlemen.
We may have a cautionary situation here, so we'll take a short break.
Chuck, is there anything else you remember about the bomb? - Hi, Morgan.
- Hey, how's it going? - Little busy right now, buddy.
- In a good way? Details.
- Why are you calling? - I don't know.
Laying on your bed, Ellie's with captain, my computer got case of the Demova's.
So I figured I'd check in.
You won't Okay, okay, I have an idea.
That's not an Xbox and you're not an X-Man.
I understand that.
This is a Prism Express laptop, okay? We sell this at our store.
It has a DOS override.
I think I can do this.
I can do this, please.
He's our best shot.
Bomb, meet Mr.
- He's searching for porn.
- Nn! Oh, this sexy.
- Ew.
Am I sexy? Am I sexy? You did it.
I did it.
I did it.
I diffused a real bomb.
Ha, ha.
This is a real I What if I was wrong? Don't puke on the C-4, huh? He's coming with me.
- What if this a fluke? - What if it wasn't? - What if he can stop something bigger? - Fine, drop him in a psych tank.
Let him stare at four rubber walls.
He'll tell us what we wanna know.
We don't know how this works and what triggers the memories.
- He'll crack wide open.
Not my job.
- I break things, I don't fix them.
- What about his job and his friends? And what do we do about his sister? What about my sister? - Nothing.
We were just discuss - No, no, no, hold on a second.
You have to leave my family and my friends out of this.
We'll see.
Look, Bryce sent that e-mail to me.
I'm the one remembering your secrets.
Which means you have to listen to me, both of you.
And right now I'm gonna go home.
No, you're not.
You You need me.
How long you been here? All night.
There's nowhere I can run, is there? Not from us.
Talk to me, Chuck.
Yesterday, I was making Now I have one in my brain and I can't figure out why Bryce did this, why he chose me.
What are you gonna do with me? What happens now? For now, you go back to your own life.
We'll protect you and you'll work with us.
And my sister, my friends, are they in danger? Do you know how worried I was? I even called Morgan.
You get to go all the way? Morgan, shut up.
What? I'm just Tell them nothing to keep them safe.
Early morning procedure, so Group hug, huh? Mm.
I need you to do one more thing for me.
Yeah? Trust me, Chuck.
Well, wish me luck.
Sorry, man.
Go get them.
- Didn't think you'd apply.
- Uh, I think I'm ready for this, Big Mike.
And what it means: Responsibility, decisive leadership Save it for interview.
- Now go train the new guy.
- Okey-dokey.
Don't freak out.