Chuck s05e05 Episode Script

Chuck Versus the Hack Off

Hi, I'm Chuck.
Here are a few things There are repercussions for your actions.
- So you're under arrest.
- For what? Attempted homicide.
John Casey, you're under arrest for murder.
Visiting hours are in effect.
All inmates with visiting passes report to visitation area.
How you holding up? Well, the government I proudly served for 20 years 'has locked me up with the scum of the earth.
I'm great.
Hold out your hand.
- What is that? - We have a plan to get you out of here.
Just take it.
You have any idea how hard it is to shrink blueprints to this size? Guy at Kinko's thought I was crazy.
Put that away.
I am not breaking out.
There is a very strong case against you.
Escape might be your only option to get your life back.
If I break out of prison, I'm a fugitive.
I don't run from the law, I am the law.
Now, Decker has me in here for a reason.
I'm gonna sit tight, keep my head down, you figure out what his angle is, okay? - Fine.
- You gonna be okay in here? Yeah.
If that one doesn't drive me insane.
Okay, I admit it, I tried to poison you to keep you subordinate.
- What is the big deal? - I could have died.
But you didn't.
All right, look, recently I put some people that I care about through, uh-- Through some rough times.
That's the thing.
True friendship is-- It's confusing, isn't it? Mm.
Look, guys, please just, aah, tell me what I have to do to get out of this place.
It's so simple.
Okay.
Jeff has agreed to drop all charges under one condition.
Okay.
You promise not to poison him anymore.
- Sorry, I can'! promise that.
- Wake up.
man.
You are gonna gel yourself killed.
Doesn't mailer.
I don't care.
Good luck in prison.
Good luck finding a better Indian guy in your life John, let's go back inside, bench press some poundage.
I'm gonna look like a Hinjew Michelangelo by the time I get out.
Hi, you.
Johnny, move.
I told him I was in here for parking tickets.
It takes every fiber of my being not to drop that barbell right on his throat.
Visiting hours are now over.
I gotta get back in there.
Check into Decker.
But be careful, he's capable of anything.
Thank you.
I can'! help feeling like Casey going to prison is all my fault.
What? Why would you say that? I'm the genius who started a spy company and convinced you to work with me.
Decker wanted Casey in jail no matter what, Whether we worked for ourselves or the CIA, it doesn't really matter.
And I'm not saying that to make you feel better.
Well, maybe a little.
- Thank you.
- Chuck, you've got-- - Sarah, you got a-- - Oh, no.
Honey-- Uhn.
Sorry for the theatrics getting you here.
Sometimes it's just more fun to knock somebody out and toss them in a van.
Why'd you bring us here? I need you to do a job for me.
You throw our partner in jail and now you want a favor from us? In exchange, I will make all of his charges disappear.
Think of Mr.
Casey as a giant slab of leverage.
And we all know that stubborn bastard will rot in prison unless I say otherwise.
You have the entire CIA under your thumb.
Why us? This mission involves some extremely dangerous technological terrorism.
Sure, I have agents who can write code but none who can do it as well as you can and handle themselves in the field.
There's no room for error here.
We need you.
Okay.
We're listening.
We've been tracking a computer super virus named the Omen.
Tech has only been able to uncover bits and pieces.
They assured me they've never seen anything like it.
Metamorphic code capable of erasing a hundred zettabytes of data per second.
What does any of that mean? It means this virus could essentially wipe out every database in the world in, oh, five seconds.
And just as we were zeroing in on its origin, all signs of it disappeared.
Thais why I need you.
Locate the Omen, bring it back to me, Mr.
Casey goes free.
And what if we say no? I have men on the inside who can make your friend's life a living hell.
Though, to be honest, I imagine hell will have no trouble finding him in there.
No fights.
Keep your nose clean.
Harder than I thought.
What do you think you're doing, inmate? Sorry if I got too physical.
It's the uniform.
Don't apologize.
I actually enjoyed it.
Thought you would.
I'm glad you came.
I have something- I'm all for business but wouldn't you like to take advantage of your state-given right? What right is that? A conjugal visit.
I would very much like to take advantage.
I thought you might.
I'm assuming you don't wanna stay over.
Ha, Maybe next time.
- What's on your mind? - Bartowski and Walker are good spies but I don't like that they're down a man.
Decker's up to something.
So you want my team to track them, make sure they're safe? Not your team.
You.
I figure you could take my place.
Right, I'm gonna take orders from Ward and June Cleaver.
It was just a suggestion.
Well, stop making suggestions.
Okay.
I'm done.
It is hard to say no to you.
I know.
I hate this.
Do you remember why we started Carmichael Industries? Corporate discount on the pinball machine, right? Ha.
We did it to gain independence.
And where are we now? Beholden to Decker, the exact type of person we said we'd never deal with.
- Stop it.
We're doing this for Casey.
- I know, I know.
All right, let's find us a virus, shall we? Uh What is happening? Is that-? Is that chardonnay? Wow, I haven't seen this in a long time.
We used to call this routine The Routine.
- That's very creative.
- Yeah.
Yeah, Chuck has quite a reputation as a hacker, you know? They used to call him The Piranha.
Swordfish, right? The movie is based on him.
Doesn't talk about it, he didn't think it wasn't an A-plus film.
- I thought it was pretty good.
- It was okay.
A lot of plot holes, and those hacker scenes were just, like Someone coded the name into the Telix script.
Little inside joke for anyone running viral countermeasures.
When The Piranha got really into a decoding session.
" he could get a bit giddy.
- Yeah, it's kind of cute.
- Yeah, it's also super nerdy.
It's definitely that too.
Got it.
The name was encrypted.
I ran an elliptic curve algorithm to find the key.
Of course after that, it was cake.
Hello, Colin Davis, the man behind the Omen virus.
Coming your way in three, two, one.
Guy was a head programmer at The Collective a rogue group of technological terrorists who sell viruses to the highest bidder.
Three months ago, he disappeared with the virus.
Drop off the grid.
Crazy.
I like that.
Well, Mr.
Colin Davis, let's see if you left us any clues as to where you went.
Shoot.
I promised Jeff that I was gonna help him with this whole Lester thing.
All right, you guys will be okay here.
Oh, make sure that he eats.
He goes overboard with the chardonnay.
Calls it his thinking juice.
- Ahh.
- Ahh.
Thanks, buddy.
- I love you.
- Love you.
How's the brain, Mr.
Grimes? It's okay, thanks.
Casey sent me to help with this Decker situation.
So if you'd be so kind as to take me to the newlyweds.
I can't-- I can't bring guests down to Castle.
Are you really gonna make me use this? - You'd shoot me'? - I'd beat you over the head with it.
This is Davis' last known location.
Must have brought the virus here.
Some kind of encampment behind this barrier.
Looks like some separatist compound.
There could be militia training back there.
Casey would have loved this mission.
And you're aware that you're gonna get yourselves killed without Casey? Decided to let her in after we had an adult conversation.
What are you doing here, Verbanski? Ease up.
I'm not here to steal any of your precious secrets.
I'm here because I'm going on this mission with you.
Oh, is that right? Look, we both want Casey out of jail.
You want your partner back, and I-- I hate to see the competition struggle like this.
As far as I can tell, you need a sniper on this mission.
Well, I've done some pretty amazing sniper work on "Call of Duty.
" I believe I've made my point.
Well, the sniper rifles are behind you in the armory.
I'll bring my own.
Things can get really nasty really fast if you're not running with a crowd in here.
- Is that a fact? - You look like you can use some friends.
And we could use some muscle like you in the yard.
I'll expect your answer tonight.
Hmm.
Dude, this place is no joke.
Especially for a guy with unpaid parking tickets.
What do you want? Look, I've seen Caged Heat.
I know how to survive in prison.
You gotta be the shot-caller, and I figured out a way to do that.
You know, Caged Heat was a women's prison movie.
Well, the lessons remain the same, John.
Hey, homes.
Got that 12-gauge you wanted, man.
Word.
- Drop it in my cell.
- Done.
All right.
Easier than I thought.
- That sounds like some military drill.
- I'll look for cover.
Get ready for action.
Okay, this is definitely not a militia.
Sarah.
- Sarah, I think we walked into a cult.
- Way ahead of you.
Strip.
Now.
What--? What are you doing? What are you doing? Joining a cult.
Strip.
Come on.
Now, keep a close eye.
I really have no place to hide a gun.
Not too close an eye, though.
I'm serious, for real.
Calm down.
No one's looking at anything.
Not much to look at, anyway.
That is not fair.
I have nothing to be ashamed of.
Children, are you lost? Can I help the new arrivals find their way? We were told to come here to seek enlightenment.
Then enlightenment you shall find.
Please, help yourself to some robes.
Welcome to the Church of the Eternal Wind.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
We'll just We have uninvited guests.
Find out who they are.
We have a situation.
Oh-ho.
Ha.
It's a little-- Little chilly under here.
These are very short robes, huh? Well, the church believes that the spirit enters from underneath.
Well, that's a totally natural entry point.
Thais an interesting pendant.
I imagine it has some kind of significance for you? All members of the church wear a pendant to remind them of their past lives.
I worked on Wall Street, lived the fast life.
Until I came here.
Not looking for a life story here.
Figure out where Davis is, locate the virus.
My patience is wearing thin.
My wife and I were looking for an escape from our everyday chaos.
Our friend, Colin Davis recommended we come -and check out your church here.
- Colin.
What a caring man.
But now we call him Moon Meadow.
That's his wind name.
Do you know where we could find Moon Meadow? - We'd love to see him.
- Mm.
I believe he's leading a drum circle in the garden.
It's mostly free-form, experimental drumming but there'll definitely be some jamming as well.
- Sounds like fun.
- Let's go check it out.
Hey.
How you holding up, man? I didn't think it would be this hard without Lester around.
I'm starting to forget him.
I can't even picture what Lester looks like anymore.
Close your eyes.
Imagine David Beckham.
Lester's a shorter, feminine version of his wife.
Right.
I can see him now.
Look, when I went through my dark period, I alienated a lot of friends.
But I was able to realize what I was about to lose before it was too late.
We have to make sure he knows what's slipping away.
I get it.
This reminds me of the time my dad tried to win back my mom when he heard she was having sex with Uncle Steve.
They ended up as a threesome.
I had a messed-up childhood.
Yeah, you did.
But you know what? It actually gives me a great idea how to handle Lester.
It's not a threesome.
These people dropped everything and came here.
Yeah, it's crazy.
I don't know what I'd do if I left the spy life.
I'm so caught up in it, I can't think of a world outside of it.
You're really good at computers.
You love them, Yeah, maybe.
We got eyes on Davis.
I'm in position to shoot any and all of these filthy hippies.
- It's almost like Casey never left.
- Yeah.
Stay focused.
This is over as soon as we find the virus.
So let's just get in and get out.
I found their clothes.
And these were with them.
Wrap up the Phish concert.
Make a move.
Ah-ah-ah! Whoa! You got some skills.
As do you, my friend.
So you worked in tech, huh? Oh, a lifetime ago.
And this This would've been my crowning achievement.
Till I walked away.
You know, I used to work in computers as well.
- You mind if I take a look? - Oh, no, I couldn't.
It's against church policy to ever remove your pendant.
But I do take it off twice a month, when I shower.
Ah.
Intruders! We have intruders! We've been made.
You get the chip, I'll take care of the guards.
After her.
Go, go, go.
Stop! - Leave me alone! - Colin! Colin, I'm trying to help you.
- Don't help me! - Come on.
Slop! Too much tree cover.
I don't have a shot.
I'm coming down.
- Wait up.
- Go away.
I'm trying to help.
Some of our members have a checkered past.
They pay a lot of money for enlightenment, as well as protection.
Looks like you walked into the wrong cult, bitch.
Colin! Oh.
No, it's okay.
I vowed never to let anybody have this virus, no matter what I had to do.
Davis.
No! No.
Stop.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Get it out of there.
Give me the chip.
Give me the chip.
Davis? Davis? Huh? Huh? Where's the chip? Huh? I hid it - Inside him.
- So he swallowed it.
Yes, he did.
Hey.
Honey.
- Hey, you all right? - Yeah, never better.
Good.
I need your help.
Davis swallowed the chip.
We gotta get him out of here now.
Okay, let's cover up his- Guys, can we find him some pants? Decision lime.
You gonna join us? Not interested.
Thought you might say that.
Come on! Hey.
Hey! You touch one hair on his head, and I will pull your plug.
Mark my words, son.
Step back or your nights will get real long.
Real long.
Step back.
- What the hell? - I told you.
I figured out a way to become the shot-caller.
Now, any of these people get out of line, and I will pull their plugs.
Literally.
I've been using my Buy More skills to set up cable and Internet for the inmates.
- Of course you have.
- In fact I got a shipment of 12-gauge electrical wire that is making installations a snap.
These monsters are petrified because I can take their tech away at any moment.
- That sounds like a good plan.
- I know, All right, I'll see you in the yard.
Please let me go.
This is a mistake.
Look, I promise you we're not gonna hurt you.
We just need to wait for the chip to, you know, complete its journey.
- Then you can go.
- You don't understand.
The virus is too dangerous to be released.
It could wipe out everything.
I knew I should've destroyed it, but It was my finest work.
You know, I just couldn't.
Hey, Uh I understand.
I tried to gel out of that life.
It's sucking me back in.
It's like I'm trying to outrun something I shouldn't have done in the first place.
I get it, Colin.
Believe me, I do.
And I assure you, we're the good guys here.
I hope to God you're telling me the truth.
a chip and a distribution device.
It's like a modded USB drive.
You insert the chip into the device, and the virus can be uploaded to any system.
I'm hoping you didn't swallow the device, as well.
No, it's still locked up at The Collective, my former employer.
Right.
Right, right, right.
So, what you're saying, then is we just need to sneak past a few hackers and get the device back? No, it's not that easy' There are some extremely dangerous people selling these viruses.
- Can you help us get in? - No.
Best I can do is show you where they're storing the device.
Okay, great.
That's a great start.
Thank you.
I'll go grab a computer.
Is there anything I can get you while I'm up? Our kitchen's fully stocked.
Sandwich? Nachos? We have some of those gourmet jellybeans.
Do you have the kind that tastes like buttered popcorn? I think I can make that happen.
A snack? Casey's in lock down and this jerk wants jelly beans? We should just cut him open and get that chip out right now.
You know, I know that we're not partners or friends but are you okay? You seem to be on edge since we started the mission.
I'm fine.
- We can talk about it if you want.
- No, no, no.
We don't talk.
Okay'? I'm just off.
- Stop trying to be my shrink.
- Okay.
Is it, um about Casey? I just noticed that you have some emotions for him.
Can we stop with this garbage and just get to work? You can still have feelings for somebody and be a spy.
Oh, and be like you and Mr.
Hospitality? That's my fate? No.
No, no, no.
So I've been noticing Lester popping up online about the same time every day.
- Fancy prison.
- Yeah, right.
So look, we initiate a chat, and then we begin Scare Lester Straight.
You ready'? Hello, friends.
Guess you couldn't live without me.
Huh? Hey, listen, I'm sorry to tell you this but we've been interviewing people to fill your spot at the Buy More.
Oh, come on.
Right.
What, are you gonna just replace me? Actually, he just showed up.
- Who's this fool? - This is our new Nerd Herder.
- Vali Chandrasekaren.
- Oh, come on! That is a pretty stupid name.
Where are you from, Mr.
Fake Name? Look at my face.
You can't tell I'm from Montreal? Like all true Hinjews.
- Oh, no, you did not.
- I did.
And I am.
I just wanted to say thanks for giving up your spot.
Some great people here.
I'm excited to star? getting to know everybody.
Lester, you should hear this guy's singing voice.
- Like an angel.
- Come on.
It really is though.
Oh, Canada - That's just a little bit, you know.
- My word.
Many people say it's the type of voice that would go perfectly with a keylar.
May I have a moment alone with Jeffrey, please? Of course.
Sure, sure.
- Hmm? - Well done, well done.
Yeah, yeah, perfect.
You nailed it.
Your voice.
,.
.
Wow, - You really underplayed it.
- It was fun.
- Yeah.
You earned this, - Okay, this one's just Wi-Fi? The Indian Modeling Agency said you'd give me one of the good ones if I helped you out, so - You know, this comes out of my salary.
- Don't care one bit.
Jackpot.
Who's the new guy? Don't worry about it.
I'll find out myself.
You know, it is amazing.
They're like little popcorn pills, you know? Whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? He agreed to help.
I just wanted to extend our full hospitality to our guest make sure he's perfectly comfortable while we wait patiently for the chip.
- I was just telling your partner- - He's not my partner.
Go on.
The Collective has an unbreakable security system -but it does have one weakness.
- It can be manipulated from the inside.
Man, these jelly beans taste funny.
Just speeding up the process a little bit, You've got something on your shirt.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God! Keep it in the can.
Keep it in the trash can.
What do you think? Do I look like a hacker'? Is the beanie overkill? You look perfect.
Okay, I found a duct opening on the east corner, just below the roof.
We have our entry.
At 2200 hours, we'll be in the sen/er room waiting for you to override the security system.
- Got it.
Be careful, babe.
- You too.
I'm here for a job.
You realize what happens if you don't get the job? I do.
Welcome to The Collective.
The very best of the very best.
You said that you want a job.
Let's prove it.
- Sit.
- Okay.
Hi.
Howdy.
Freddy is my best programmer.
If you can prove your skills up against him, then you have the job.
But if you fail -you might not be so fortunate.
- So a good old-fashioned hack off, huh? Great.
Perfect.
I'm just gonna take a moment to get prepared, if you don't-- Don't mind.
Boom.
Oh.
Once you've had Rombauer.
you just can't go back -to any other chardonnay, right? - Who are you? I've been out of the game for a while -but they used to call me The Piranha.
- There's no way.
Let's do this, huh? Okay, the first person that hacks into Federal Reserve and transfers one penny into secure account wins.
Are we clear? Begin.
Freddy's an expert at subverting complex security systems.
He is the reason our own system is so secure.
Oh, yeah.
I can tell.
He did a great job.
That's my man.
You seem to know your way around a computer' Oh, I'm son's, are we still talking? I'm kind of busy here.
You have a little hiccup there at the bottom of your page.
A compiler can't optimize a value away like that.
If you don't mind.
There you go.
Rookie mistake.
I'm sure it won't happen again.
Oh, I'm losing.
Better get back to work.
I forgot something.
I'm really good at this.
The sewers are in here somewhere.
Can you pull up the schematics? - Verbanski! - Fine, I love Casey.
Just- Just-- Jeez, stop grilling me.
So do you wanna talk about it? I've been a wreck since Casey went to prison.
I had no idea I had such strong feelings for him.
Now I'm petrified that this could turn into something.
You're looking at it the wrong way.
What, we're gonna have some kids and I quit because it's too dangerous? Relationships are about communication.
Big life changes don't just spring up on you.
Hey, stop! I couldn't imagine my life away from this.
Do you think it's gonna be that bad? Sarah, girls like us, we don't just leave the spy business.
I've been doing this since I was 16.
Never had another job.
I wouldn't even know what to do if I did.
Stop right there! How about you? Could you do anything else? Thanks.
This might be it.
Chuck, I've got the device.
Let's get out of here.
Thanks for the help.
Hope you enjoy losing.
- Done - Done.
One penny, transferred out of the Federal Reserve into a secure account.
Easy.
Little too easy if you ask me.
Honestly, who wants a penny? $0 I hacked into the Buy More and got us all flat screens.
- All right, - With extended warranties, I might add.
You are clearly very talented.
Unfortunately, I don't care that you are talented.
We have all the flat screens that we need.
Whoa, uh-- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Before you use that, I've got a little business tip for you.
And what is that? You should really look into finding a better security expert.
Freddy! Alarms! - Fixed it.
Find him! Guys, I'm in trouble.
Coming your way.
I don'! think I got the job.
Heh.
Let's get out of here.
Go, go, go, Your plan worked.
As soon as Lester saw the other better Lester -,.
.
he changed his tune.
- That's fantastic, He said he wouldn't poison me anymore, so I dropped the charges.
- He'll be back at work tomorrow.
- Mm.
Man, I can't wait.
This wasn't about me and Lester, was it? Hmm? I don't know.
There's someone who hasn't forgiven your dick-ish behavior and you need to right that wrong.
I'm talking about John Casey.
I know, dude.
I'm not brain damaged.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Too soon? That's-- I don't-- - You want me to do the talking? - No.
It was supposed to be me and Chuck.
We don't wanna do anything to spook Decker.
You should probably make yourself scarce.
So I've been I've been thinking about life after the spy game.
What do you mean? You know, maybe you're right.
I'm great with computers.
Maybe Carmichael Industries isn't a spy firm.
Maybe it's a tech company.
What do you think? Sarah? Well, what would my job be at Carmichael Industries? I mean, what would I do? Well, you'd-- He's here.
- Did you bring the virus? - The deal it's still good? John Casey goes free? Here.
What are you planning on doing with it? What do you plan to do with it, Chuck? What are you talking about? I got some good footage of you and your team in possession of the most dangerous computer virus in the world.
Smile.
Ha-ha-ha.
Don't worry, we'll release the virus, but you'll get the blame.
That should get you on the FBI’s most wanted list pretty quickly.
So this was a setup.
You set us up? Now that I think of it, it was pretty irresponsible to release Casey into the hands of his criminal colleagues.
That's enough of this nonsense.
You release Casey now.
Gertrude, what's happening is bigger than just me.
The plan is in motion.
It's too late for all of you.
It's just a shame that Casey had to be the first to die.
Give me one reason not to kill you.
Go ahead.
It'll only further prove your guilt.
So I suggest you get your hands off of me and get a little head start because soon, people will be hunting Chuck the way they hunted Bin Laden.
Go.
Let's go.
Let's go right now.
Hey, Decker.
Aren't you forgetting something? Don't worry.
I left a little consolation prize.
- He deserved that.
- Go.
Go, go, go! Come on! Come on! Come on! So it was all a setup, huh? Chuck was gonna be the fall guy, and you were never getting out of here alive.
John, your team needs you now.
Okay.
What do we do about Decker? I already took care of him.
You didn't.
I have to disappear for a while.
Yeah.
I understand.
We could've been something.
Still can be.
Perhaps someday.
Surveillance changes shifts in two minutes.
We gotta get into the heating ducts before they realize you're gone.
You're gonna break me out alone? No.
I found someone who cares about you as much as I do.
Huh.
Prisoner transfer from CB-11.
section 3-8.
Copy that.
I missed you, big guy.
What plan was Decker talking about? Why would he wanna frame you? I don't know, but I intend to find out.
If he was telling the truth, then we're already in deeper than we know.
Sarah, I was wrong about quitting the spy life.
Because right new, we've gotta be the best spies we've ever been, okay?