Clarence US (2014) s01e06 Episode Script
Clarence Gets a Girlfriend
1 1x06 - Clarence Gets a Girlfriend I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! Hm, hm, hm.
Hold on tight.
Don't forget your helmet! Hello! Excuse me, Ashley.
Can I do a backflip over your binder? Um, sure.
And the crowd goes wild! - "That was really great.
" - "Yeah, I know.
Thank you.
" So you two are getting pretty close.
- We are? - Are you kidding me? It's so obvious.
Clarence totally likes you.
- You think so? - You have to make him your boyfriend.
You guys would make the cutest couple.
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
I hadn't really thought about it.
I mean, I guess I could.
Should I wait for him to ask me? - Ooh.
- You better make the first move.
Now it's a fighter jet! Pkk! Pkk! Yow! - Hey, Clarence.
- What? - Do you want to be my boyfriend? - What? I said, do you want to be my boyfriend? You don't have to if you don't want to.
Does that mean that you would be my girlfriend? - Yeah, I guess it does.
- Oh.
- Well, uh, okay, then.
- Okay.
So, I guess were supposed to go on a date now? A date?! Right.
Um, when do we do that? We could go tonight, if that's okay with you.
- What? - Maybe, like, Pizza Shack? Yeah, they got good pizza.
- I've never eaten there.
- Yeah, me, either.
Okay.
You want to meet there at like 5:00? - Yep.
See you there.
- Okay, bye.
So, I guess I have a girlfriend now.
- What?! - All right, buddy! - You snagged one! - I'll be right back.
I was supposed to be the first one in the group to get a girlfriend.
I've always been the nice guy of the group.
Hold the door, please! Oof! I guess nice guys do finish last.
Oh, yeah, havin' a girlfriend's great.
My brother's got like three of 'em.
- Wow.
- It's a lot of work, though.
You got to buy 'em stuff, talk to 'em.
Sumo, I got a confession to make.
I know I may seem like a lady killer, but I've never had a girlfriend before.
Will you teach me how to a be a man? Hmm.
It won't be easy, but I'll do it.
Now, the first thing we got to do is change up your wardrobe.
- My who? - Make you look sharp.
Here it is.
It's called a thrift store.
Pretty much everything in our house came from here.
- Wow.
- Shall we? Whoa! Look it that! Dang! This place is awesome.
Oh! Try this one on! It's classy.
- Clarence, no! - Oh, my.
Eh, no.
Eh, no.
Heads up! Yes! Hey, Sumo, check out my Oof! - Hup-ho! - Gah! Cannonball! - Ta-da! - This town's not very big, so we'll both have to share it.
- You'll never catch me.
- Get along, little dogie! Okay, I think I'm ready.
Come on out! Come on out! Come on out! Co - Man, he looks good! - Eh.
You don't like it, do you? Here.
This one's awesome! Aw, you look great! She's gonna love it! All right, what's next? Ashley's a nice girl.
She's gonna want a gentleman.
All right, where do we catch one? Gentlemen aren't caught, Clarence.
They're made like babies.
Okay, let's pretend I'm a fancy lady and you're my gentleman escort.
"Oh, my! I want to walk across the street, but there's this dreadful puddle in the way.
Whatever shall I do?" - Just jump right over it.
- No.
I could throw you over it.
No, Clarence, you have to be a gentleman.
Let's try it again.
"Oh, this nasty puddle! Whatever shall I do?" Well, my dear lady, just walk around it.
Clarence, no! Okay.
What's maybe something you could do that's gentlemanly? Maybe something you've seen on TV.
Spray-on hair? A chi A chia pet? Throw your coat down and let me walk on it! Oh, yeah! Now that you're a gentleman, all we got to do is make you interesting.
- Did your date get canceled? - Okay, Jeff, you got five minutes to make me interesting before my date.
Five minutes? That's impossible! - Great, thanks.
- You're a real peach, Jeff.
You know, you can't just make yourself interesting.
Right.
That's why you're doing it.
Hmm, nothing's coming up.
Interesting celebrity bloopers, interesting light fixtures, - top 10 interesting vacation spots - Aw, cool! - Touching! - Sorry.
It says I need to download a plugin.
- No! No! Click no! - Yes.
Just need to do a quick reboot after it downloads.
Did it work? I don't feel any different.
Jeff, what's wrong with this computer?! It's fine.
We just need to give it some more time.
Your computer's too slow, Jeff! Come on! - Think of something else! - Okay, okay! Just ask her these questions and you'll be fine.
You totally got this! This date's gonna be awesome! - Yeah, it is.
- And you're gonna be right there by my side the whole time! - N-N-No.
- What do you mean? Uh, Clarence, I can't come.
It's a date.
You mean it's just gonna be me and her the whole time?! - Yep.
- Hold on, hold on.
Let's back up.
So, you're saying it's just gonna be me and a girl alone? - Yep! - Sumo, I don't even know her! Good luck, buddy! Well, hello, there! What can I do for you, young man? Um, yeah, is Ashley home? I mean, I'm here to see girl.
Oh, I see.
Is that her over there? Hey, Clarence.
Let's go sit over here! So let's see what the chef's special is here.
Hmm Ooh! I recommend the double crust pizza, with crust baked right inside of the crust.
Double crust! That sounds good.
And I'll get get a milkshake, too.
E-Excellent choice my darling.
I said, "my darling.
" Hi, there! What would you kids like? Yes.
Thank you.
We'll have the cheese-crust pizza, and for the lady, your finest milkshake.
- Chocolate.
- Okay! Comin' right up.
Excuse me! Could we get some crayons for drawing, please?! - Sure, sweetie.
- Thank you.
Whew! - So.
How are - Oh! I know! If you were stuck on a desert island, name three things you would bring? Um, okay.
Uh I guess food, um, some - smoke flares, uh - Good choices.
Um, so, do you have any pets? Well, I did my hamster, Meatball but he died today.
I I'm sorry for your loss.
Look at him, just charmin' it up.
Our little boy's all grown up.
Worst, uh worst job you ever had? I've never had a job.
- Sounds like a real nightmare! - Are you reading from something? - No, uh, I don't read! - One chocolate milkshake.
- Uh, here's your milkshake! - Thank you.
Uh Uh I got it! Ashley, let's share this milkshake.
It'll be romantic! Oh, no.
Uh, I know what to do! Good form! I taught him that.
- Why did you do that? - Uh, so you could walk on it? - Clarence - I'm sorry.
I ruined our date.
I don't know about this stuff.
Me neither! This girlfriend thing is weird.
- I mean, is it weird for you, too? - Yeah, it's a little weird.
And I'm still wet from that puddle.
Do you want to just break up and be friends again? Yeah, I'd like that better.
Do you want to just go catch frogs behind the school? - There are frogs there? - Yeah! You didn't know that? There's There's a lot of frogs.
- I got a tadpole! - Whoa! Hey, Clarence, sorry your date didn't work out.
That stuff almost never works for my brothers.
Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
So, what's the deal with Ashley? Is she available now? I mean, not for me! Just so I know.
Fellas, fellas, fellas.
We don't need girlfriends right now.
We should just be more like these frogs.
Look at that one right there.
He's just floatin' down the river of life, not a care in the whole world.
That's livin'.
- I think that frog's dead.
- Oh.
- I'll give you a dollar if you eat it.
- Done.
Hold on tight.
Don't forget your helmet! Hello! Excuse me, Ashley.
Can I do a backflip over your binder? Um, sure.
And the crowd goes wild! - "That was really great.
" - "Yeah, I know.
Thank you.
" So you two are getting pretty close.
- We are? - Are you kidding me? It's so obvious.
Clarence totally likes you.
- You think so? - You have to make him your boyfriend.
You guys would make the cutest couple.
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
I hadn't really thought about it.
I mean, I guess I could.
Should I wait for him to ask me? - Ooh.
- You better make the first move.
Now it's a fighter jet! Pkk! Pkk! Yow! - Hey, Clarence.
- What? - Do you want to be my boyfriend? - What? I said, do you want to be my boyfriend? You don't have to if you don't want to.
Does that mean that you would be my girlfriend? - Yeah, I guess it does.
- Oh.
- Well, uh, okay, then.
- Okay.
So, I guess were supposed to go on a date now? A date?! Right.
Um, when do we do that? We could go tonight, if that's okay with you.
- What? - Maybe, like, Pizza Shack? Yeah, they got good pizza.
- I've never eaten there.
- Yeah, me, either.
Okay.
You want to meet there at like 5:00? - Yep.
See you there.
- Okay, bye.
So, I guess I have a girlfriend now.
- What?! - All right, buddy! - You snagged one! - I'll be right back.
I was supposed to be the first one in the group to get a girlfriend.
I've always been the nice guy of the group.
Hold the door, please! Oof! I guess nice guys do finish last.
Oh, yeah, havin' a girlfriend's great.
My brother's got like three of 'em.
- Wow.
- It's a lot of work, though.
You got to buy 'em stuff, talk to 'em.
Sumo, I got a confession to make.
I know I may seem like a lady killer, but I've never had a girlfriend before.
Will you teach me how to a be a man? Hmm.
It won't be easy, but I'll do it.
Now, the first thing we got to do is change up your wardrobe.
- My who? - Make you look sharp.
Here it is.
It's called a thrift store.
Pretty much everything in our house came from here.
- Wow.
- Shall we? Whoa! Look it that! Dang! This place is awesome.
Oh! Try this one on! It's classy.
- Clarence, no! - Oh, my.
Eh, no.
Eh, no.
Heads up! Yes! Hey, Sumo, check out my Oof! - Hup-ho! - Gah! Cannonball! - Ta-da! - This town's not very big, so we'll both have to share it.
- You'll never catch me.
- Get along, little dogie! Okay, I think I'm ready.
Come on out! Come on out! Come on out! Co - Man, he looks good! - Eh.
You don't like it, do you? Here.
This one's awesome! Aw, you look great! She's gonna love it! All right, what's next? Ashley's a nice girl.
She's gonna want a gentleman.
All right, where do we catch one? Gentlemen aren't caught, Clarence.
They're made like babies.
Okay, let's pretend I'm a fancy lady and you're my gentleman escort.
"Oh, my! I want to walk across the street, but there's this dreadful puddle in the way.
Whatever shall I do?" - Just jump right over it.
- No.
I could throw you over it.
No, Clarence, you have to be a gentleman.
Let's try it again.
"Oh, this nasty puddle! Whatever shall I do?" Well, my dear lady, just walk around it.
Clarence, no! Okay.
What's maybe something you could do that's gentlemanly? Maybe something you've seen on TV.
Spray-on hair? A chi A chia pet? Throw your coat down and let me walk on it! Oh, yeah! Now that you're a gentleman, all we got to do is make you interesting.
- Did your date get canceled? - Okay, Jeff, you got five minutes to make me interesting before my date.
Five minutes? That's impossible! - Great, thanks.
- You're a real peach, Jeff.
You know, you can't just make yourself interesting.
Right.
That's why you're doing it.
Hmm, nothing's coming up.
Interesting celebrity bloopers, interesting light fixtures, - top 10 interesting vacation spots - Aw, cool! - Touching! - Sorry.
It says I need to download a plugin.
- No! No! Click no! - Yes.
Just need to do a quick reboot after it downloads.
Did it work? I don't feel any different.
Jeff, what's wrong with this computer?! It's fine.
We just need to give it some more time.
Your computer's too slow, Jeff! Come on! - Think of something else! - Okay, okay! Just ask her these questions and you'll be fine.
You totally got this! This date's gonna be awesome! - Yeah, it is.
- And you're gonna be right there by my side the whole time! - N-N-No.
- What do you mean? Uh, Clarence, I can't come.
It's a date.
You mean it's just gonna be me and her the whole time?! - Yep.
- Hold on, hold on.
Let's back up.
So, you're saying it's just gonna be me and a girl alone? - Yep! - Sumo, I don't even know her! Good luck, buddy! Well, hello, there! What can I do for you, young man? Um, yeah, is Ashley home? I mean, I'm here to see girl.
Oh, I see.
Is that her over there? Hey, Clarence.
Let's go sit over here! So let's see what the chef's special is here.
Hmm Ooh! I recommend the double crust pizza, with crust baked right inside of the crust.
Double crust! That sounds good.
And I'll get get a milkshake, too.
E-Excellent choice my darling.
I said, "my darling.
" Hi, there! What would you kids like? Yes.
Thank you.
We'll have the cheese-crust pizza, and for the lady, your finest milkshake.
- Chocolate.
- Okay! Comin' right up.
Excuse me! Could we get some crayons for drawing, please?! - Sure, sweetie.
- Thank you.
Whew! - So.
How are - Oh! I know! If you were stuck on a desert island, name three things you would bring? Um, okay.
Uh I guess food, um, some - smoke flares, uh - Good choices.
Um, so, do you have any pets? Well, I did my hamster, Meatball but he died today.
I I'm sorry for your loss.
Look at him, just charmin' it up.
Our little boy's all grown up.
Worst, uh worst job you ever had? I've never had a job.
- Sounds like a real nightmare! - Are you reading from something? - No, uh, I don't read! - One chocolate milkshake.
- Uh, here's your milkshake! - Thank you.
Uh Uh I got it! Ashley, let's share this milkshake.
It'll be romantic! Oh, no.
Uh, I know what to do! Good form! I taught him that.
- Why did you do that? - Uh, so you could walk on it? - Clarence - I'm sorry.
I ruined our date.
I don't know about this stuff.
Me neither! This girlfriend thing is weird.
- I mean, is it weird for you, too? - Yeah, it's a little weird.
And I'm still wet from that puddle.
Do you want to just break up and be friends again? Yeah, I'd like that better.
Do you want to just go catch frogs behind the school? - There are frogs there? - Yeah! You didn't know that? There's There's a lot of frogs.
- I got a tadpole! - Whoa! Hey, Clarence, sorry your date didn't work out.
That stuff almost never works for my brothers.
Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
So, what's the deal with Ashley? Is she available now? I mean, not for me! Just so I know.
Fellas, fellas, fellas.
We don't need girlfriends right now.
We should just be more like these frogs.
Look at that one right there.
He's just floatin' down the river of life, not a care in the whole world.
That's livin'.
- I think that frog's dead.
- Oh.
- I'll give you a dollar if you eat it.
- Done.