Clarence US (2014) s01e09 Episode Script
Honk
1 I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! 'K.
I'm gonna play level 4 thundragon with plus-2 fire.
Well, my divorcion has lightning power when I use it with wizard water card.
But then my guy chops right through your guy 'cause he has a chainsaw and yours is made out of wood.
- Uh - What the? Thanks for the fun, guys! See you later! Wah! I'm in jail for a crime I didn't commit.
Come on.
If you can't do the time, why do the crime? He shouldn't have stolen all that stuff.
Just get a job and earn it like my dad did.
Go, Belson! Go, Belson! It's your birthday! Wha-a-a-zzu-u-u-u-u-u-p?! Okay.
That was a very, uh, practical point of view.
- Okay.
Clarence, you're next.
- First of all, sincerely happy birthday to you, Belson.
You can have my bag of hair if you want.
Anyway, I thought this book was so great.
I started reading it, and he was in jail, and I thought, "what if the jail was made out of cake or something and he could just eat through the bars and get out?" - Yeah.
Like, and, what if? - Hey, thank you, Clarence.
Now, did anyone actually read the book? Guys, I really think everyone liked my cake-jail idea.
Wasn't it so funny? - Well, I mean, I loved it.
- It was pretty funny, but have you thought about not staying stuff like that? I don't think everyone can really relate to your sense of humor.
Yeah, but what about a pie jail? What if the bars are made of chocolate in the jail? And then you could just eat right through them.
See? That's exactly what I'm talking about.
You can't just spout words at people and hope they stick! Maybe you should look at people who are good conversationalists and try to copy what they do.
Okay, Jeff.
I hear you.
But what about a ice-cream cat? Meow! Meow! Don't eat me! Meow! - I'd probably eat him.
- Don't eat him! - Just give it some thought, okay? - Okay.
The bell's ringing! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I object.
Enjoy a cup of joe with contemporary artist Okay, Jeff said I got to find a good conversationalist.
That's when her tooth fell out! Oh, wow.
That guy's really good.
Welcome to "the Clarence show.
" What do you want to talk about, Mr.
Bacon chips? Talking makes me nervous.
Blah! Nobody actually laughed.
Whoa.
What's he doing with that horn? Blah blah blah blah.
Rah blah blah blah.
Blah.
Oh, he's honking it.
That horn is a killer.
I wish I had one.
Then I could just honk instead of talk.
I just had the biggest I - One horn, please.
- Oh.
Is this for your bike? Nope.
It's for my conversation skills.
Oh.
That's just wonderful.
Tee hee hee! I pledge allegiance to the fla of the United States of America.
And to the republic for which it one nation under god indivisible, with liberty and justice Okay, okay.
Good morning, students.
This is your principal.
Just a reminder that the winners of this year's "Let's diss disease!" raffle will be announced tomorrow.
Good luck on winning the grand prize two tickets to Squirty's moist mountain water park.
And now today's poem "a fall day" by Mrs.
Shoop.
"The night is crisp.
The day is done.
Listen to the swaying leaves as they go" Oh, Clarence, what a witty deconstruction.
I heard the math quiz got canceled.
- Yeah? - Good thing, too.
I didn't study much.
I'll see you guys later.
Whoa! Somebody farted! "Hot dog police 2"? It's the same as the first one.
Should have called it "Hot dog police 1 again.
" Not funny.
Melanie, we've been working together for a couple months now, and I-I think it's time that you Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Where'd it go? Where'd it go? Oh.
It's around here somewhere.
Ohh.
Clarence, the horn is a gimmick.
At first, you were just peppering it in, but now you're doing it all the time.
People may like it now but they'll get tired of it very quickly.
Can you just stop honking?! Oh, this'll never get old! Gonna be another honk-diculous day.
chocolate milk, and pickle spears.
And now the moment we've all been waiting for the "Let's diss disease!" raffle winners.
The grand prize winner of the tickets to Squirty's moist mountain water park is number 7 Come get your prize now, or we're giving it to someone else.
Clarence, we've been waiting all week for those results! Just a little honk humor.
Come on, guys.
Careful.
Careful.
Careful.
Care - Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-h! - Oh, whoa! It was the horn the ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-rn! It was the horn! - Not funny.
- And it barely relates to what we're talking about.
No! No! Stay back! Stay back! I've got a horn, and I know how to use it! We just want to help you, Clarence.
Put the horn down.
Why don't we just take it from him? - It's just a horn.
- No! Never! - Eh, he'll be fine.
- Yes, he will, because we're gonna make him fine.
- What's in here a new horn? - No.
People who love you.
- I don't love him.
- Yes, you do.
We all do.
- This is a place of love.
- Mnh.
- You may go ahead, Percy.
- Okay.
At first, you didn't have a horn, but now you have a horn, and N-o-o-o-o! Clarence, that horn is, like, super unbecoming of you.
- It mega limits your vocabulary.
- You have two choices.
You can either get rid of the horn and rejoin society - or you can keep the horn but - Choice number 2.
I'm keeping it.
Thanks, guys! Bye! No, wait! I was gonna say, "but at what cost?!" - But at what cost?! - Yeah! At what cost?! Eat up, little baby bird.
I just wish they knew you like I do, Hornsby.
No, that's just the bacon talking.
You're not going anywhere.
You're wrong! You are good for me! No, Hornsby! I won't let you go! Well, when you put it that way, I guess you make a lot of sense.
Goodbye, old friend.
Hornsby, I was wrong! Don't go! - Hold my hand! - What's going on? - Hornsby fell in! - Oh, no! Come back! Don't worry, buddy! Come on! Don't you go dying on me! Shh! Be quiet.
Everyone hates you.
Just stay in the backpack, okay? Hey, Clarence, I have a science project for you! This is for Squirty's! How do you like the horn now? If this doesn't break him, nothing will.
- He's still having fun? - Told ya.
That was awesome! Even that weird kid who doesn't talk was playing a horn! - Uh, there he is.
- You know what, Clarence? I never thought I'd say this, but I think I'm gonna miss that horn of yours.
Don't shed a tear for Hornsby, guys.
He's in a much better place now and so am I, because I learned my daily moral lesson.
That being true to yourself and not letting anyone else tell you who you are or what you should do is the only - way to forge true friendships? - No.
I learned that when you lose your horn, you buy the whistle.
Gimme that!
I'm gonna play level 4 thundragon with plus-2 fire.
Well, my divorcion has lightning power when I use it with wizard water card.
But then my guy chops right through your guy 'cause he has a chainsaw and yours is made out of wood.
- Uh - What the? Thanks for the fun, guys! See you later! Wah! I'm in jail for a crime I didn't commit.
Come on.
If you can't do the time, why do the crime? He shouldn't have stolen all that stuff.
Just get a job and earn it like my dad did.
Go, Belson! Go, Belson! It's your birthday! Wha-a-a-zzu-u-u-u-u-u-p?! Okay.
That was a very, uh, practical point of view.
- Okay.
Clarence, you're next.
- First of all, sincerely happy birthday to you, Belson.
You can have my bag of hair if you want.
Anyway, I thought this book was so great.
I started reading it, and he was in jail, and I thought, "what if the jail was made out of cake or something and he could just eat through the bars and get out?" - Yeah.
Like, and, what if? - Hey, thank you, Clarence.
Now, did anyone actually read the book? Guys, I really think everyone liked my cake-jail idea.
Wasn't it so funny? - Well, I mean, I loved it.
- It was pretty funny, but have you thought about not staying stuff like that? I don't think everyone can really relate to your sense of humor.
Yeah, but what about a pie jail? What if the bars are made of chocolate in the jail? And then you could just eat right through them.
See? That's exactly what I'm talking about.
You can't just spout words at people and hope they stick! Maybe you should look at people who are good conversationalists and try to copy what they do.
Okay, Jeff.
I hear you.
But what about a ice-cream cat? Meow! Meow! Don't eat me! Meow! - I'd probably eat him.
- Don't eat him! - Just give it some thought, okay? - Okay.
The bell's ringing! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I object.
Enjoy a cup of joe with contemporary artist Okay, Jeff said I got to find a good conversationalist.
That's when her tooth fell out! Oh, wow.
That guy's really good.
Welcome to "the Clarence show.
" What do you want to talk about, Mr.
Bacon chips? Talking makes me nervous.
Blah! Nobody actually laughed.
Whoa.
What's he doing with that horn? Blah blah blah blah.
Rah blah blah blah.
Blah.
Oh, he's honking it.
That horn is a killer.
I wish I had one.
Then I could just honk instead of talk.
I just had the biggest I - One horn, please.
- Oh.
Is this for your bike? Nope.
It's for my conversation skills.
Oh.
That's just wonderful.
Tee hee hee! I pledge allegiance to the fla of the United States of America.
And to the republic for which it one nation under god indivisible, with liberty and justice Okay, okay.
Good morning, students.
This is your principal.
Just a reminder that the winners of this year's "Let's diss disease!" raffle will be announced tomorrow.
Good luck on winning the grand prize two tickets to Squirty's moist mountain water park.
And now today's poem "a fall day" by Mrs.
Shoop.
"The night is crisp.
The day is done.
Listen to the swaying leaves as they go" Oh, Clarence, what a witty deconstruction.
I heard the math quiz got canceled.
- Yeah? - Good thing, too.
I didn't study much.
I'll see you guys later.
Whoa! Somebody farted! "Hot dog police 2"? It's the same as the first one.
Should have called it "Hot dog police 1 again.
" Not funny.
Melanie, we've been working together for a couple months now, and I-I think it's time that you Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Where'd it go? Where'd it go? Oh.
It's around here somewhere.
Ohh.
Clarence, the horn is a gimmick.
At first, you were just peppering it in, but now you're doing it all the time.
People may like it now but they'll get tired of it very quickly.
Can you just stop honking?! Oh, this'll never get old! Gonna be another honk-diculous day.
chocolate milk, and pickle spears.
And now the moment we've all been waiting for the "Let's diss disease!" raffle winners.
The grand prize winner of the tickets to Squirty's moist mountain water park is number 7 Come get your prize now, or we're giving it to someone else.
Clarence, we've been waiting all week for those results! Just a little honk humor.
Come on, guys.
Careful.
Careful.
Careful.
Care - Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-h! - Oh, whoa! It was the horn the ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-rn! It was the horn! - Not funny.
- And it barely relates to what we're talking about.
No! No! Stay back! Stay back! I've got a horn, and I know how to use it! We just want to help you, Clarence.
Put the horn down.
Why don't we just take it from him? - It's just a horn.
- No! Never! - Eh, he'll be fine.
- Yes, he will, because we're gonna make him fine.
- What's in here a new horn? - No.
People who love you.
- I don't love him.
- Yes, you do.
We all do.
- This is a place of love.
- Mnh.
- You may go ahead, Percy.
- Okay.
At first, you didn't have a horn, but now you have a horn, and N-o-o-o-o! Clarence, that horn is, like, super unbecoming of you.
- It mega limits your vocabulary.
- You have two choices.
You can either get rid of the horn and rejoin society - or you can keep the horn but - Choice number 2.
I'm keeping it.
Thanks, guys! Bye! No, wait! I was gonna say, "but at what cost?!" - But at what cost?! - Yeah! At what cost?! Eat up, little baby bird.
I just wish they knew you like I do, Hornsby.
No, that's just the bacon talking.
You're not going anywhere.
You're wrong! You are good for me! No, Hornsby! I won't let you go! Well, when you put it that way, I guess you make a lot of sense.
Goodbye, old friend.
Hornsby, I was wrong! Don't go! - Hold my hand! - What's going on? - Hornsby fell in! - Oh, no! Come back! Don't worry, buddy! Come on! Don't you go dying on me! Shh! Be quiet.
Everyone hates you.
Just stay in the backpack, okay? Hey, Clarence, I have a science project for you! This is for Squirty's! How do you like the horn now? If this doesn't break him, nothing will.
- He's still having fun? - Told ya.
That was awesome! Even that weird kid who doesn't talk was playing a horn! - Uh, there he is.
- You know what, Clarence? I never thought I'd say this, but I think I'm gonna miss that horn of yours.
Don't shed a tear for Hornsby, guys.
He's in a much better place now and so am I, because I learned my daily moral lesson.
That being true to yourself and not letting anyone else tell you who you are or what you should do is the only - way to forge true friendships? - No.
I learned that when you lose your horn, you buy the whistle.
Gimme that!