Clarence US (2014) s01e26 Episode Script
Rough Riders Elementary
1 I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! Rough Riders, you've done it again.
Delicious even cold.
Jeff, you simply must try the chicken.
Yeah, I-I've had it before several times.
But not with this new sauce.
Cinnamon ranch, I think I'm gonna love you.
Nope, definitely not.
A rare misstep for Rough Riders.
Yecch.
Get this stuff out of my sight.
What you guys talkin' about? This gross, new Rough Riders sauce.
You don't even want to touch it, trust me.
Hmm.
What?! You're crazy! It's great! - Here, Jeff, you gotta try this! - Aw, Sumo.
Savory kick.
Bit of sweetness.
Is that nutmeg? Perfect 10 in my book.
You guys are gross.
I've lost my appetite.
I don't think I'll ever eat again.
Don't judge me.
But instead of a warm welcoming committee, I was greeted by the warmth of a sudden fire and, ultimately, the cold, hard earth.
- Oh, the humanity, indeed.
- Okay, Chelsea.
A little bit morbid, but it seems like you learned a lot.
- So - Yeah, well, it happened like - 80 years ago, so time to move on.
- Okay, then.
Any questions? Anyone have any interesting inquiries that, uh is on their mind? - Any Don't be afraid - Belson.
Belson! - Try some of my chicken.
- What? - No, I don't want it.
- Here.
Try my chicken.
Okay, just put it on the floor.
I'll eat it later.
Clarence! Did you bring enough to share with the class? - Huh? - Yeah, I think so.
Here.
Let me try.
Here's one for you.
And here's one for you.
And here's one for you.
And one for you.
Uh, not exactly what I meant, but I appreciate the effort.
Okay, back to the task at hand.
Our next presenter is Clarence.
'Scuse me.
- 'Scuse me.
'Scuse me.
- Ow! 'Scuse me.
Pardon me.
Unh! My project is about Attention.
Emergency faculty meeting.
All teachers to the gymatorium immediately.
Oh, this better be good.
Sorry, Clarence.
We'll have to finish your presentation tomorrow.
Jeff, would you put in a video while I'm out? - I got it.
- Emergency faculty meeting? I-I need to go to the bathroom.
Ms.
Baker! I mean, um, mis ter Jeff, may I please go to the bathroom, please? Yes, you may.
Just take a hall pass.
Please be seated.
Emergency faculty meeting will commence in two minutes.
Yee-haw! Bucky o'Neil here, and I'm proud to welcome you to the Rough Riders school-sponsorship program.
Now, we're gonna give you everything you need, from lesson plans to lunch menus to help you shape those precious minds of tomorrow.
Now let's turn things over to your regional senior Rough Riders team leader and my close personal friend J-o-s-h-u-a who will fill you in on all the details.
It's "Josh"! Hello.
I'm Josh, as you heard on the video.
I'm pleased to announce that your school district has decided to go into business with Rough Riders chicken.
and they're gonna start doing Rough Riders food for lunch so I can eat it all the time.
And they're finally gonna fix up the library.
And if we do good on tests, they're gonna give us coupons for Rough Riders food, too.
Isn't that great, you guys? Hey, as long as they're serving this sauce, I'm in.
- Ahh! - I don't know.
I have a bad feeling about this.
But I'm just gonna ignore it.
Hunh? Ha ha.
What a dummy.
He probably couldn't even eat his way out of a chicken bucket.
- Um, don't you mean - Whoosh! - Whoooooo! - Never mind.
Thanks! Daddy like! And if we subtract 15 degrees from the overall batter temperature, then how many packets of Rough Riders Southwest Fiesta spice mix do we add? Anyone? Oh! Trick question! You don't add the spice mix till after the chicken is cooked to golden brown.
Very good, Ryan.
Jeff! Psst! Hey, Jeff! - Pssssssssst! - Shh! I'm trying to learn about browning time.
Browning? Yeah, but, Jeff, isn't this supposed to be numbers class? You mean math? I-I can't remember.
Look.
I almost have a full coupon book.
Oh, I must have spilled some sauce.
Well, let me just get that.
Well, I guess it's kind of good that Josh and Sumo are finally getting along.
They're like mother and daughter.
All right, Rough Riders Elementary, let's hear a big, enthusiastic "cluck, cluck, hooray!" Cluck, cluck, hooray.
Cluck, cluck, hooray.
I'm proud to say that our merger so far has been a rousing success! - Yay.
- Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo! Oh, yeah! Whooooooooooo! Whoooooo-ooo-ooo! Whooowhooo whoo.
Something's off here.
Like, why did he say "Rough Riders Elementary" - instead of "Aberdale Elementary"? - Nonsense, Clarence.
You're starting to sound like you don't believe in team Rough Riders.
You've always loved Rough Riders.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm probably just being paranoid.
Cluck! Cluck! Hooray! Cluck.
Cluck Hooraaaay! Welcome to Rough Riders.
Have a clucktacular day.
Hey, Jeff, guess what I dreamed last night.
I dreamt that you and me was brothers, and, Sumo, you were there, too, but your head was on a dog's body, and when Wait Y'all aren't Jeff and Sumo! Do you even go here? Hey, Jeff, how come you're not sitting down? Jeff, do you know where Sumo is? I haven't seen him all day.
Jeff? Well, 'scuse me! Unh! Jeff, wait! Jeff, wait! Don't g-o-o-o-o-o-o! Hello! You guys?! Potato! Doorknob! I like farts! Anything! Unh! Whoaaaaaa! Whoa! Wait a second.
I have a bad feeling about this.
But I'm just gonna ignore it.
It's a pleasure doing business with you.
As long as they're serving this sauce, I'm in.
Is that nutmeg? It's the sauce! It's the sa-a-a-a-a-a-uce! It's the sauce.
Buk, buk, buk, cluck.
Cluck, buk, buk, buk, buk.
Cluck, cluck, buk.
And now, as is tradition I welcome you, Ryan Sumowski to the Rough Riders family Sto-o-o-o-o-o-p! Sumo, n-o-o-o-o-o! - Whaaaa - Oh! Sumo, we got to get out of here, buddy.
Something's terribly wrong! Buuuuuk! Buuuuuuuuuuuk! After them! Nature Kate? Chief Mack? Rake Backburn? And Don Delaio? - You're the best! - We're the best, kid! You came just in time.
The Rough Riders showed up and turned out to be alien chickens that take over the school and the world and everything.
Don't worry, boys.
We'll take it from here.
Yay! We did it! Oh, no! Shock wave! Whoo! Whew! And that's why Rough Riders chicken is my favorite food.
The end.
Ahh.
Delicious even cold.
Jeff, you simply must try the chicken.
Yeah, I-I've had it before several times.
But not with this new sauce.
Cinnamon ranch, I think I'm gonna love you.
Nope, definitely not.
A rare misstep for Rough Riders.
Yecch.
Get this stuff out of my sight.
What you guys talkin' about? This gross, new Rough Riders sauce.
You don't even want to touch it, trust me.
Hmm.
What?! You're crazy! It's great! - Here, Jeff, you gotta try this! - Aw, Sumo.
Savory kick.
Bit of sweetness.
Is that nutmeg? Perfect 10 in my book.
You guys are gross.
I've lost my appetite.
I don't think I'll ever eat again.
Don't judge me.
But instead of a warm welcoming committee, I was greeted by the warmth of a sudden fire and, ultimately, the cold, hard earth.
- Oh, the humanity, indeed.
- Okay, Chelsea.
A little bit morbid, but it seems like you learned a lot.
- So - Yeah, well, it happened like - 80 years ago, so time to move on.
- Okay, then.
Any questions? Anyone have any interesting inquiries that, uh is on their mind? - Any Don't be afraid - Belson.
Belson! - Try some of my chicken.
- What? - No, I don't want it.
- Here.
Try my chicken.
Okay, just put it on the floor.
I'll eat it later.
Clarence! Did you bring enough to share with the class? - Huh? - Yeah, I think so.
Here.
Let me try.
Here's one for you.
And here's one for you.
And here's one for you.
And one for you.
Uh, not exactly what I meant, but I appreciate the effort.
Okay, back to the task at hand.
Our next presenter is Clarence.
'Scuse me.
- 'Scuse me.
'Scuse me.
- Ow! 'Scuse me.
Pardon me.
Unh! My project is about Attention.
Emergency faculty meeting.
All teachers to the gymatorium immediately.
Oh, this better be good.
Sorry, Clarence.
We'll have to finish your presentation tomorrow.
Jeff, would you put in a video while I'm out? - I got it.
- Emergency faculty meeting? I-I need to go to the bathroom.
Ms.
Baker! I mean, um, mis ter Jeff, may I please go to the bathroom, please? Yes, you may.
Just take a hall pass.
Please be seated.
Emergency faculty meeting will commence in two minutes.
Yee-haw! Bucky o'Neil here, and I'm proud to welcome you to the Rough Riders school-sponsorship program.
Now, we're gonna give you everything you need, from lesson plans to lunch menus to help you shape those precious minds of tomorrow.
Now let's turn things over to your regional senior Rough Riders team leader and my close personal friend J-o-s-h-u-a who will fill you in on all the details.
It's "Josh"! Hello.
I'm Josh, as you heard on the video.
I'm pleased to announce that your school district has decided to go into business with Rough Riders chicken.
and they're gonna start doing Rough Riders food for lunch so I can eat it all the time.
And they're finally gonna fix up the library.
And if we do good on tests, they're gonna give us coupons for Rough Riders food, too.
Isn't that great, you guys? Hey, as long as they're serving this sauce, I'm in.
- Ahh! - I don't know.
I have a bad feeling about this.
But I'm just gonna ignore it.
Hunh? Ha ha.
What a dummy.
He probably couldn't even eat his way out of a chicken bucket.
- Um, don't you mean - Whoosh! - Whoooooo! - Never mind.
Thanks! Daddy like! And if we subtract 15 degrees from the overall batter temperature, then how many packets of Rough Riders Southwest Fiesta spice mix do we add? Anyone? Oh! Trick question! You don't add the spice mix till after the chicken is cooked to golden brown.
Very good, Ryan.
Jeff! Psst! Hey, Jeff! - Pssssssssst! - Shh! I'm trying to learn about browning time.
Browning? Yeah, but, Jeff, isn't this supposed to be numbers class? You mean math? I-I can't remember.
Look.
I almost have a full coupon book.
Oh, I must have spilled some sauce.
Well, let me just get that.
Well, I guess it's kind of good that Josh and Sumo are finally getting along.
They're like mother and daughter.
All right, Rough Riders Elementary, let's hear a big, enthusiastic "cluck, cluck, hooray!" Cluck, cluck, hooray.
Cluck, cluck, hooray.
I'm proud to say that our merger so far has been a rousing success! - Yay.
- Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo! Oh, yeah! Whooooooooooo! Whoooooo-ooo-ooo! Whooowhooo whoo.
Something's off here.
Like, why did he say "Rough Riders Elementary" - instead of "Aberdale Elementary"? - Nonsense, Clarence.
You're starting to sound like you don't believe in team Rough Riders.
You've always loved Rough Riders.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm probably just being paranoid.
Cluck! Cluck! Hooray! Cluck.
Cluck Hooraaaay! Welcome to Rough Riders.
Have a clucktacular day.
Hey, Jeff, guess what I dreamed last night.
I dreamt that you and me was brothers, and, Sumo, you were there, too, but your head was on a dog's body, and when Wait Y'all aren't Jeff and Sumo! Do you even go here? Hey, Jeff, how come you're not sitting down? Jeff, do you know where Sumo is? I haven't seen him all day.
Jeff? Well, 'scuse me! Unh! Jeff, wait! Jeff, wait! Don't g-o-o-o-o-o-o! Hello! You guys?! Potato! Doorknob! I like farts! Anything! Unh! Whoaaaaaa! Whoa! Wait a second.
I have a bad feeling about this.
But I'm just gonna ignore it.
It's a pleasure doing business with you.
As long as they're serving this sauce, I'm in.
Is that nutmeg? It's the sauce! It's the sa-a-a-a-a-a-uce! It's the sauce.
Buk, buk, buk, cluck.
Cluck, buk, buk, buk, buk.
Cluck, cluck, buk.
And now, as is tradition I welcome you, Ryan Sumowski to the Rough Riders family Sto-o-o-o-o-o-p! Sumo, n-o-o-o-o-o! - Whaaaa - Oh! Sumo, we got to get out of here, buddy.
Something's terribly wrong! Buuuuuk! Buuuuuuuuuuuk! After them! Nature Kate? Chief Mack? Rake Backburn? And Don Delaio? - You're the best! - We're the best, kid! You came just in time.
The Rough Riders showed up and turned out to be alien chickens that take over the school and the world and everything.
Don't worry, boys.
We'll take it from here.
Yay! We did it! Oh, no! Shock wave! Whoo! Whew! And that's why Rough Riders chicken is my favorite food.
The end.
Ahh.