Clarence US (2014) s01e29 Episode Script
Jeff Wins
1 I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! You can't make me! I'm not moving an inch! Hah! I came as soon as I heard.
If I was informed correctly, the clock is ticking.
- Am I right, E.
J.
? - Yes, 100%.
Thank you so much for coming out on such short notice.
Let's not all start shaking each other's hands just yet.
Now lay the sitch on me one more time.
And that's how it happened.
Are you sure you don't want to sit down? No, thanks.
I think best when I'm walkin' around.
I'm like I shark.
I have to keep moving.
- Now tell me that whole story again.
- Seriously? We just Okay.
So, every year, Jeff enters this cooking contest, but every year he says it's not good enough and throws out the food before entering.
And now he won't even come out of his room.
Well, we always thought you had such a free spirit and might be able to get Jeff to relax a bit so Doesn't matter why we called you in.
Can you help or not? Oh, I can help.
Don't worry, ladies.
I've handled hundreds of cases like this before.
There's only one thing that just doesn't add up.
Who the heck is Jeff? Jeff, I just want to talk to you, friend! We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Now open the door so we can talk! - All right, you asked for it.
1, 2 - Pretty sure it's unlocked.
3! Ugh! Oof! Jeff! Can you hear me in there?! - Yes! Stop! - Good! Listen to the sound of my voice! I need you to do something for me, okay, buddy?! Just hand over the food, and no one is gonna get hurt, and we're all gonna go to the Cookoff! Cookoff! Cookoff! Cookoff! Nooooooo! No, Jeff! Don't hurt the food! You're gonna regret it for the rest of your life! Just give the food to me and I'll eat it! I don't even Nooooooo! Okay, let's just bake something else instead.
Okay, let's start at the start.
What's your favorite kind of food to eat? My My favorite? Well I usually narrow down my choices before starting a new dish.
I've divided my possible choices into 13 categories, each with subcategories based on texture, flavor, and country of origin.
After that, I perform a series of tests based on data Stop all this mumbo gumbo! Beep-boop-beep-boop-beep! You're like a robot-boy.
I love food, and you're making it sound like a homework.
Food's supposed to be fun and tasty, not like homework! Here.
Allow me to explain.
Maestro, if you please.
Sometimes my life can be a bit on edge, when things don't go my way - Where's that music coming from? - and all I want to do is hide behind life's hedge or lie down to decay.
But all in all, when I feel small and want to run away I just think of these key words that brighten up my day! At least I'm not uptight as you, Jeff at least I'm not uptight and don't give up a fight whether playing with my toys or acting like a chef - Okay, little rude.
- # at least I'm not as uptight as you # at least I don't fix my hair with glue - That was one time.
- Take it away, Sumo! Sumo, where'd you come from?! - You hear something? - I don't think so.
Did you? at least I'm not uptight at least I'm not uptight at least I'm not uptight like Je-e-e-e-ff! Blah, blah, blah.
I like soup.
Blah, blah, blah.
Let's make food.
Hello, Jeff! Is anyone home? Anyway, I'm just saying to loosen up, okay? Let's just make that food 'cause the contest starts in like an hour.
Read that book not today, we're gonna make it up open that door hold that bowl hold these things, then hit the floor look at what you got choose the best, then make the cut, yum, yum we're havin' lots of fun! don't use that thing let me use my tongue lookin' good punch that chicken punch that chicken now punch that chicken keep punchin' that chicken punch that chicken roll that dough now it's time to get flippin' with the mixin' spoon make some room you got to use your feet in this cookery school keep steppin', we're almost there Oh, yeah! Yeah! There A perfect saffron tagliatelle with oak moss vapor.
Wow! I actually did it! That ought to do it.
Now go change while I throw it into the microwave so we can head to the Cookoff.
Cookoff! Cookoff! Cookoff! Thanks for being there for Jeff.
I knew you'd be the right person to get him to calm down.
All in a day's work, me madams.
Guess I really helped you break a few eggs, huh? Jeff! Ladies, looks like we got ourselves a fugitive, and the clock is ticking.
Ugh! All right, people, listen up! I want you to search every treehouse, courthouse, funhouse, mouse house, haunted house, other kind of house! I want you to leave no stone unturned! Leave no pocket unprotected! Leave no ding-dong un-dong-dinged! It's okay, Clarence.
I think I see him right over there.
No.
No, no, no! No! What are you doing?! Say, "cheese.
" I don't know.
I'm not sure it's ready.
All right.
Let's see who you're up against.
Oh, no.
There they are.
They'll see me! What? Those are just a bunch of nice old ladies.
What the heck are you scared about? No, no, no.
That's "Gazpacho Gale," and to her right, Betty "the Boiler" Whipsniff.
She's won the past two years.
And don't even get me started on Annie "Alliteration Joke" Jones.
- She's the toughest one of them all.
- Jeff, you weirdo.
Those look like nice old normal old regular old ladies.
I guess you're right.
Wow.
I've never made it this far.
And you're not quitting now.
Give me this.
Free donkey rides for anyone over 69 years old! Oh, my gosh.
It's like Jeff didn't learn anything I taught him.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I - Neigh! - Who are you? Let's not get into that now.
Switch the nametags.
If you switch the nametags, Jeff will win! Uh, I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
Uh oh, no.
Don't do it, Clarence.
That's bad.
But he said I should do, but then didn't do, and I said no do Do-do-nah! - Uh, you want to go get a new kid? - You said it.
Oh, no! - What are you doing? - Uh, I was just, um, looking around, just checking the floor boards.
But everything looks good.
Let's get you over here for the competition.
Okay, good luck! Bye! - He had a lot of hair on him! - I was on a donkey! Hello.
All right.
Let's get this going! Thank you all for coming.
We're pleased to welcome a newcomer this year, young Johnny Randell.
Okay, contestants.
Let's taste those dishes.
Let's see.
Whoops.
Better luck next year, Gale.
Ooh! Well, it was a close one this year.
Gale, your mac and cheese was very lovely.
However, I do have a soft spot for meatloaf in this old heart of mine.
Speaking of soft spots vote for me! So, without further ado, Jeffrey, you are this year's winner! Come get your medal! Come on up! - I-I won? - He won? I won? I won! I did it! I really did it! I guess I'm not uptight anymore! Why? I love cooking.
Hey, thanks for swapping the nametags.
We don't normally approve of cheating, but it's good to see Jeff happy.
Swapped the nametags? I didn't swap any nametags.
Oh, no! I-I got to tell Jeff what happened! - Oh! - He can't know that he actually won! Oh, Cookoff! I won! Yes!
If I was informed correctly, the clock is ticking.
- Am I right, E.
J.
? - Yes, 100%.
Thank you so much for coming out on such short notice.
Let's not all start shaking each other's hands just yet.
Now lay the sitch on me one more time.
And that's how it happened.
Are you sure you don't want to sit down? No, thanks.
I think best when I'm walkin' around.
I'm like I shark.
I have to keep moving.
- Now tell me that whole story again.
- Seriously? We just Okay.
So, every year, Jeff enters this cooking contest, but every year he says it's not good enough and throws out the food before entering.
And now he won't even come out of his room.
Well, we always thought you had such a free spirit and might be able to get Jeff to relax a bit so Doesn't matter why we called you in.
Can you help or not? Oh, I can help.
Don't worry, ladies.
I've handled hundreds of cases like this before.
There's only one thing that just doesn't add up.
Who the heck is Jeff? Jeff, I just want to talk to you, friend! We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Now open the door so we can talk! - All right, you asked for it.
1, 2 - Pretty sure it's unlocked.
3! Ugh! Oof! Jeff! Can you hear me in there?! - Yes! Stop! - Good! Listen to the sound of my voice! I need you to do something for me, okay, buddy?! Just hand over the food, and no one is gonna get hurt, and we're all gonna go to the Cookoff! Cookoff! Cookoff! Cookoff! Nooooooo! No, Jeff! Don't hurt the food! You're gonna regret it for the rest of your life! Just give the food to me and I'll eat it! I don't even Nooooooo! Okay, let's just bake something else instead.
Okay, let's start at the start.
What's your favorite kind of food to eat? My My favorite? Well I usually narrow down my choices before starting a new dish.
I've divided my possible choices into 13 categories, each with subcategories based on texture, flavor, and country of origin.
After that, I perform a series of tests based on data Stop all this mumbo gumbo! Beep-boop-beep-boop-beep! You're like a robot-boy.
I love food, and you're making it sound like a homework.
Food's supposed to be fun and tasty, not like homework! Here.
Allow me to explain.
Maestro, if you please.
Sometimes my life can be a bit on edge, when things don't go my way - Where's that music coming from? - and all I want to do is hide behind life's hedge or lie down to decay.
But all in all, when I feel small and want to run away I just think of these key words that brighten up my day! At least I'm not uptight as you, Jeff at least I'm not uptight and don't give up a fight whether playing with my toys or acting like a chef - Okay, little rude.
- # at least I'm not as uptight as you # at least I don't fix my hair with glue - That was one time.
- Take it away, Sumo! Sumo, where'd you come from?! - You hear something? - I don't think so.
Did you? at least I'm not uptight at least I'm not uptight at least I'm not uptight like Je-e-e-e-ff! Blah, blah, blah.
I like soup.
Blah, blah, blah.
Let's make food.
Hello, Jeff! Is anyone home? Anyway, I'm just saying to loosen up, okay? Let's just make that food 'cause the contest starts in like an hour.
Read that book not today, we're gonna make it up open that door hold that bowl hold these things, then hit the floor look at what you got choose the best, then make the cut, yum, yum we're havin' lots of fun! don't use that thing let me use my tongue lookin' good punch that chicken punch that chicken now punch that chicken keep punchin' that chicken punch that chicken roll that dough now it's time to get flippin' with the mixin' spoon make some room you got to use your feet in this cookery school keep steppin', we're almost there Oh, yeah! Yeah! There A perfect saffron tagliatelle with oak moss vapor.
Wow! I actually did it! That ought to do it.
Now go change while I throw it into the microwave so we can head to the Cookoff.
Cookoff! Cookoff! Cookoff! Thanks for being there for Jeff.
I knew you'd be the right person to get him to calm down.
All in a day's work, me madams.
Guess I really helped you break a few eggs, huh? Jeff! Ladies, looks like we got ourselves a fugitive, and the clock is ticking.
Ugh! All right, people, listen up! I want you to search every treehouse, courthouse, funhouse, mouse house, haunted house, other kind of house! I want you to leave no stone unturned! Leave no pocket unprotected! Leave no ding-dong un-dong-dinged! It's okay, Clarence.
I think I see him right over there.
No.
No, no, no! No! What are you doing?! Say, "cheese.
" I don't know.
I'm not sure it's ready.
All right.
Let's see who you're up against.
Oh, no.
There they are.
They'll see me! What? Those are just a bunch of nice old ladies.
What the heck are you scared about? No, no, no.
That's "Gazpacho Gale," and to her right, Betty "the Boiler" Whipsniff.
She's won the past two years.
And don't even get me started on Annie "Alliteration Joke" Jones.
- She's the toughest one of them all.
- Jeff, you weirdo.
Those look like nice old normal old regular old ladies.
I guess you're right.
Wow.
I've never made it this far.
And you're not quitting now.
Give me this.
Free donkey rides for anyone over 69 years old! Oh, my gosh.
It's like Jeff didn't learn anything I taught him.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I - Neigh! - Who are you? Let's not get into that now.
Switch the nametags.
If you switch the nametags, Jeff will win! Uh, I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
Uh oh, no.
Don't do it, Clarence.
That's bad.
But he said I should do, but then didn't do, and I said no do Do-do-nah! - Uh, you want to go get a new kid? - You said it.
Oh, no! - What are you doing? - Uh, I was just, um, looking around, just checking the floor boards.
But everything looks good.
Let's get you over here for the competition.
Okay, good luck! Bye! - He had a lot of hair on him! - I was on a donkey! Hello.
All right.
Let's get this going! Thank you all for coming.
We're pleased to welcome a newcomer this year, young Johnny Randell.
Okay, contestants.
Let's taste those dishes.
Let's see.
Whoops.
Better luck next year, Gale.
Ooh! Well, it was a close one this year.
Gale, your mac and cheese was very lovely.
However, I do have a soft spot for meatloaf in this old heart of mine.
Speaking of soft spots vote for me! So, without further ado, Jeffrey, you are this year's winner! Come get your medal! Come on up! - I-I won? - He won? I won? I won! I did it! I really did it! I guess I'm not uptight anymore! Why? I love cooking.
Hey, thanks for swapping the nametags.
We don't normally approve of cheating, but it's good to see Jeff happy.
Swapped the nametags? I didn't swap any nametags.
Oh, no! I-I got to tell Jeff what happened! - Oh! - He can't know that he actually won! Oh, Cookoff! I won! Yes!