Clarence US (2014) s01e44 Episode Script
Water Park
1 [remote clicks.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! Announcer: Hey, you.
Yeah, you.
Are you fryin' in this Arizona summer heat? Man, is it hot.
Well, you'll be surprised to find out that nestled deep in this arid desert is one of Aberdale's greatest treasures Squirty's Moist Mountain water park! That's right the only water park for hundreds of miles, just 20 minutes from downtown, right off the I-10 freeway, across from Clam Clam's clam house.
We've got fun for the whole family! Are you brave enough to test your courage on the Log of Doom? Or maybe you're just looking to go with the flow at Tidal Wave Cave.
Bring the little ones to explore Cuddle Cove, with Belugi the pirate whale.
That's right Pirate Whale! And for all you thrill-seekers, Squirty is pleased to announce the grand re-opening of the Curd Churner, Squirty's most popular ride, now taller than ever before! Boy, does that look fun! Watch out for that first drop! It's a doozy! [chanting.]
Squirty! Squirty! Squirty! Squirty! Squirty! Oh, man, we're almost to the front.
Yeah.
I can't wait to go on that ride they just opened the Curd Churner.
[gasp.]
[woman screaming.]
Uh I don't know, guys.
There's a lot of other really neat attractions here.
Maybe we could check those out first.
The Curd Churner looks a little too intense for my tastes.
Yeah, intense.
[laughs.]
Welcome to Squirty's.
Squirt out the fun.
Da-da-da-da.
[thwack!.]
Ugh! Welcome to Squirty's, where, uh uh, have a hat.
[gasp.]
[stretch!.]
[snap!.]
- Welcome to Squirty's - No, thanks.
[panting.]
- Which one should we ride first? - Ooh, the Log of Doom.
[crying.]
No, I don't I don't want to fall in.
No! Oh! - Eh.
- So cold! - Okay, how about the Tidal Wave Cave? - I can't get out! That one looked pretty cool in the commercial.
[fan humming.]
[surf music playing.]
[laughing evilly.]
What? You guys don't want to do this one? Okay, guys, you're gonna love this one.
Let's hang out with Belugi, the pirate whale, and his marine mateys.
La-la-la, la-la-la la-la-la, la-la-la [gurgling.]
[metal squeals, snaps.]
Wow.
Looks pretty fun, right? [cries.]
Jeff, why do you want to do all this lame stuff? - Let's get to the Curd Churner already.
- Yeah.
Well, this is my first time at a water park, and I just thought maybe we could work our way up to the big ride you know, baby steps.
- Baby steps? - Aw, Jeff, you don't got to worry about that.
It's gonna be so much fun.
You're gonna love it.
Trust me.
I don't know, Clarence.
I-It looks kind of dangerous.
Didn't they close that ride down because someone shattered their tail bo-o-o-ne? [snap!.]
[dramatic music plays.]
Aah! It's beautiful.
[splat!.]
- I-I - You guys, let's go right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! La-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la la-la, la-la, la-la-la [squirt!.]
[thinking.]
Okay, Jeff, you can handle this.
We're just standing in the line right now.
Nothing dangerous about that.
You're gonna be okay.
One thing at a time, now.
Look at how long the line is.
You've got plenty of time.
Maybe Clarence and Sumo will get bored and won't even want to Okay.
All right.
We're moving.
Here we go.
Just one step.
No big deal.
Remember baby steps.
Everything is just fine.
[squirt!.]
[giggles.]
Young boy: Squirty.
[camera shutter clicks.]
[gasps.]
Just like on TV.
[squeak! squeak! squeak!.]
Squirty! Yay! [squeak! squeak! squeak!.]
[bird squawking.]
- Squirty, Squirty, over here! - No, not you.
[grunts.]
Squirty, I watch you on TV all the time.
Say your thing.
[chuckles.]
Say the "doozy" thing.
Say it.
Say it.
Say it.
Say the "doozy" thing.
Say it.
Squirty? Okay, Jeff, you can figure this out.
This line is really long.
Looks like about, uh, 300 people? And we're moving an average of about one step every two minutes.
So, according to that, if there's two to three people per drop, it should take about four hours before we even get to the top.
But what if the line starts moving faster? - What is that? - Curds.
Mmm.
- Gross.
- That's nothing.
- Check this out.
- Ugh! - What's happening to that man? - I barfed on him.
Every year I snap a barf picture classic prank.
That's why I brought this baby.
That's the least creative and most disgusting prank I've ever heard of, not to mention unsafe.
[scoffs.]
Well, my next victim could be you.
[shudders.]
I don't even want to think about that.
But don't you remember from TV? "That first drop is a doozy!" [farts, laughs.]
That's you.
Uh, sorry, kid.
Squirty's got to go.
Uh, he's got a leak.
Uh, w-watch out.
[metal screeches, rattles.]
Squirty! [dramatic music plays.]
Uh, I'm sorry you fell.
[indistinct shouting.]
Wait, Squirty! You don't have to say it! Uh, never mind! You don't have to say your thing! Just please don't hate me! Wow.
Squirty.
Bring it on, Sq [gasps.]
[grunts.]
Squirty! [thud!.]
Ohh! [exhales sharply.]
The heck is this? It's all hard and flat.
Ugh! [squeak! squeak! squeak!.]
Takin' a break, I'm eatin' my lunch [gasps.]
Squirty! They said it was just a leak! I'm just takin' a leak I'll [gurgles.]
That's right.
Just drink it up.
- You're gonna be all right.
- Can't believe it.
I go into the bathroom by myself and then I [gasps.]
- You! - Aah! Weird guy! [gurgling.]
Give me my costume back, you little thief! Ugh.
[growls.]
[squish!.]
[grunts.]
Nice.
Mmm.
How tall is this thing? What is that, wood? This thing should definitely be metal.
Metal's at least 80% stronger for structural uses.
Didn't I read that the accident rates are three times higher on older wooden rides and that they've replaced over a dozen of them in the last five years? There is no way that this ride is up to county code or state code, for that matter! Oh, my gosh! Help! Help! Aah! Aah! Aah! [wood cracking.]
Aah! Aah! Aah! [gasps.]
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
It's fine.
I'm fine.
Oh, my gosh! Where on Earth is Clarence? Out of my way.
[grunts.]
[panting.]
[metal squeals.]
[coos.]
Ugh! [splash.]
[cries.]
[panting.]
Leave me and Squirty alone! [wind howling.]
Holy smokes! This is bad! This is really bad! This is way too high up! What if we fell? I counted at least 700 steps on the way up.
We'd reach a maximum velocity in three seconds, giving us only a precious two remaining seconds to prepare for the final impact, which would scatter our insides, reducing us to a hot pile of meat and juices! Juices! Juices! - Uh, you kids going down or what? - What?! We're in the front of the line?! How'd we get here to the front already?! Uh, actually, no.
I change my mind.
- What?! We've been waiting all day! - No, no, no, no, no.
I, uh Guys, get on the raft! [raft squeaks.]
[panting.]
Wait till I get my hands on you! [gasping.]
First drop's a doozy.
- Doozy.
- Oh, no! Oh, no! Aah! Yah! Aaaaaaaaaah! [beep! beep! beep! beep!.]
[whimpers.]
[laughs.]
Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! [giggling.]
[ting!.]
- Ah! - Hunh! Oh, no.
[vomiting.]
[camera shutter clicks.]
Yeah! Whoo! [giggling.]
- Yeah! - Squirty? - Yeah! Let's go again! - Hey, where did that guy go? Ah, whatever.
Come on.
Let's go look at the picture.
- Squirty? - Come on! Let's go look at the picture! [birds squawking.]
[bones crunch.]
[groans.]
[camera shutters clicking.]
Stop it! No pictures! You want it, you got to buy it! That's not it.
That's not it.
[camera shutter clicks.]
That's not it.
That's not it.
[camera shutter clicks.]
- That's not it.
- Squirty! That's not it.
Don't worry, Squirty.
You'll be in the hands of professionals.
These guys are the best.
I won't leave you.
Make sure that he gets liquids! Ah, dirty rotten shame.
The Curd Churner takes another victim.
This guy's insides are all mashed up like a bag of flour.
[mumbling.]
they're in the covers on the second shelf Oh, well.
Let's get him out quick.
Don't want people to see.
This place is a mess.
Hey, you.
Throw a towel over this guy.
I don't know, mommy.
I just want a cookie.
Can I have a cookie? - That's not it.
- Come on, Sumo.
- Let's go back on the ride.
- Wait! There it is! [camera shutter clicks.]
- It's beautiful.
- Yeah, I wouldn't, uh - I'll see you in line.
- [chuckling.]
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, hey, Jeff, wait up! [music.]
Splish, splish, splish, splash, splash, splash splish, splish, splish, splish, splash [children screaming.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! Announcer: Hey, you.
Yeah, you.
Are you fryin' in this Arizona summer heat? Man, is it hot.
Well, you'll be surprised to find out that nestled deep in this arid desert is one of Aberdale's greatest treasures Squirty's Moist Mountain water park! That's right the only water park for hundreds of miles, just 20 minutes from downtown, right off the I-10 freeway, across from Clam Clam's clam house.
We've got fun for the whole family! Are you brave enough to test your courage on the Log of Doom? Or maybe you're just looking to go with the flow at Tidal Wave Cave.
Bring the little ones to explore Cuddle Cove, with Belugi the pirate whale.
That's right Pirate Whale! And for all you thrill-seekers, Squirty is pleased to announce the grand re-opening of the Curd Churner, Squirty's most popular ride, now taller than ever before! Boy, does that look fun! Watch out for that first drop! It's a doozy! [chanting.]
Squirty! Squirty! Squirty! Squirty! Squirty! Oh, man, we're almost to the front.
Yeah.
I can't wait to go on that ride they just opened the Curd Churner.
[gasp.]
[woman screaming.]
Uh I don't know, guys.
There's a lot of other really neat attractions here.
Maybe we could check those out first.
The Curd Churner looks a little too intense for my tastes.
Yeah, intense.
[laughs.]
Welcome to Squirty's.
Squirt out the fun.
Da-da-da-da.
[thwack!.]
Ugh! Welcome to Squirty's, where, uh uh, have a hat.
[gasp.]
[stretch!.]
[snap!.]
- Welcome to Squirty's - No, thanks.
[panting.]
- Which one should we ride first? - Ooh, the Log of Doom.
[crying.]
No, I don't I don't want to fall in.
No! Oh! - Eh.
- So cold! - Okay, how about the Tidal Wave Cave? - I can't get out! That one looked pretty cool in the commercial.
[fan humming.]
[surf music playing.]
[laughing evilly.]
What? You guys don't want to do this one? Okay, guys, you're gonna love this one.
Let's hang out with Belugi, the pirate whale, and his marine mateys.
La-la-la, la-la-la la-la-la, la-la-la [gurgling.]
[metal squeals, snaps.]
Wow.
Looks pretty fun, right? [cries.]
Jeff, why do you want to do all this lame stuff? - Let's get to the Curd Churner already.
- Yeah.
Well, this is my first time at a water park, and I just thought maybe we could work our way up to the big ride you know, baby steps.
- Baby steps? - Aw, Jeff, you don't got to worry about that.
It's gonna be so much fun.
You're gonna love it.
Trust me.
I don't know, Clarence.
I-It looks kind of dangerous.
Didn't they close that ride down because someone shattered their tail bo-o-o-ne? [snap!.]
[dramatic music plays.]
Aah! It's beautiful.
[splat!.]
- I-I - You guys, let's go right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! La-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la la-la, la-la, la-la-la [squirt!.]
[thinking.]
Okay, Jeff, you can handle this.
We're just standing in the line right now.
Nothing dangerous about that.
You're gonna be okay.
One thing at a time, now.
Look at how long the line is.
You've got plenty of time.
Maybe Clarence and Sumo will get bored and won't even want to Okay.
All right.
We're moving.
Here we go.
Just one step.
No big deal.
Remember baby steps.
Everything is just fine.
[squirt!.]
[giggles.]
Young boy: Squirty.
[camera shutter clicks.]
[gasps.]
Just like on TV.
[squeak! squeak! squeak!.]
Squirty! Yay! [squeak! squeak! squeak!.]
[bird squawking.]
- Squirty, Squirty, over here! - No, not you.
[grunts.]
Squirty, I watch you on TV all the time.
Say your thing.
[chuckles.]
Say the "doozy" thing.
Say it.
Say it.
Say it.
Say the "doozy" thing.
Say it.
Squirty? Okay, Jeff, you can figure this out.
This line is really long.
Looks like about, uh, 300 people? And we're moving an average of about one step every two minutes.
So, according to that, if there's two to three people per drop, it should take about four hours before we even get to the top.
But what if the line starts moving faster? - What is that? - Curds.
Mmm.
- Gross.
- That's nothing.
- Check this out.
- Ugh! - What's happening to that man? - I barfed on him.
Every year I snap a barf picture classic prank.
That's why I brought this baby.
That's the least creative and most disgusting prank I've ever heard of, not to mention unsafe.
[scoffs.]
Well, my next victim could be you.
[shudders.]
I don't even want to think about that.
But don't you remember from TV? "That first drop is a doozy!" [farts, laughs.]
That's you.
Uh, sorry, kid.
Squirty's got to go.
Uh, he's got a leak.
Uh, w-watch out.
[metal screeches, rattles.]
Squirty! [dramatic music plays.]
Uh, I'm sorry you fell.
[indistinct shouting.]
Wait, Squirty! You don't have to say it! Uh, never mind! You don't have to say your thing! Just please don't hate me! Wow.
Squirty.
Bring it on, Sq [gasps.]
[grunts.]
Squirty! [thud!.]
Ohh! [exhales sharply.]
The heck is this? It's all hard and flat.
Ugh! [squeak! squeak! squeak!.]
Takin' a break, I'm eatin' my lunch [gasps.]
Squirty! They said it was just a leak! I'm just takin' a leak I'll [gurgles.]
That's right.
Just drink it up.
- You're gonna be all right.
- Can't believe it.
I go into the bathroom by myself and then I [gasps.]
- You! - Aah! Weird guy! [gurgling.]
Give me my costume back, you little thief! Ugh.
[growls.]
[squish!.]
[grunts.]
Nice.
Mmm.
How tall is this thing? What is that, wood? This thing should definitely be metal.
Metal's at least 80% stronger for structural uses.
Didn't I read that the accident rates are three times higher on older wooden rides and that they've replaced over a dozen of them in the last five years? There is no way that this ride is up to county code or state code, for that matter! Oh, my gosh! Help! Help! Aah! Aah! Aah! [wood cracking.]
Aah! Aah! Aah! [gasps.]
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
It's fine.
I'm fine.
Oh, my gosh! Where on Earth is Clarence? Out of my way.
[grunts.]
[panting.]
[metal squeals.]
[coos.]
Ugh! [splash.]
[cries.]
[panting.]
Leave me and Squirty alone! [wind howling.]
Holy smokes! This is bad! This is really bad! This is way too high up! What if we fell? I counted at least 700 steps on the way up.
We'd reach a maximum velocity in three seconds, giving us only a precious two remaining seconds to prepare for the final impact, which would scatter our insides, reducing us to a hot pile of meat and juices! Juices! Juices! - Uh, you kids going down or what? - What?! We're in the front of the line?! How'd we get here to the front already?! Uh, actually, no.
I change my mind.
- What?! We've been waiting all day! - No, no, no, no, no.
I, uh Guys, get on the raft! [raft squeaks.]
[panting.]
Wait till I get my hands on you! [gasping.]
First drop's a doozy.
- Doozy.
- Oh, no! Oh, no! Aah! Yah! Aaaaaaaaaah! [beep! beep! beep! beep!.]
[whimpers.]
[laughs.]
Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! [giggling.]
[ting!.]
- Ah! - Hunh! Oh, no.
[vomiting.]
[camera shutter clicks.]
Yeah! Whoo! [giggling.]
- Yeah! - Squirty? - Yeah! Let's go again! - Hey, where did that guy go? Ah, whatever.
Come on.
Let's go look at the picture.
- Squirty? - Come on! Let's go look at the picture! [birds squawking.]
[bones crunch.]
[groans.]
[camera shutters clicking.]
Stop it! No pictures! You want it, you got to buy it! That's not it.
That's not it.
[camera shutter clicks.]
That's not it.
That's not it.
[camera shutter clicks.]
- That's not it.
- Squirty! That's not it.
Don't worry, Squirty.
You'll be in the hands of professionals.
These guys are the best.
I won't leave you.
Make sure that he gets liquids! Ah, dirty rotten shame.
The Curd Churner takes another victim.
This guy's insides are all mashed up like a bag of flour.
[mumbling.]
they're in the covers on the second shelf Oh, well.
Let's get him out quick.
Don't want people to see.
This place is a mess.
Hey, you.
Throw a towel over this guy.
I don't know, mommy.
I just want a cookie.
Can I have a cookie? - That's not it.
- Come on, Sumo.
- Let's go back on the ride.
- Wait! There it is! [camera shutter clicks.]
- It's beautiful.
- Yeah, I wouldn't, uh - I'll see you in line.
- [chuckling.]
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, hey, Jeff, wait up! [music.]
Splish, splish, splish, splash, splash, splash splish, splish, splish, splish, splash [children screaming.]