Clarence US (2014) s03e36 Episode Script
Belson Gets a Girlfriend
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
- Jeff: So, did you hear the latest? - The latest what? - About Belson? - What happened?! Ooh, Clarence, this is big news, baby! I'm talking once-in-a-school-year big, - my friend.
[clatter.]
- What is it, Jeff? You got to stop doing that.
I heard Belson has a girlfriend.
[Giggles.]
Uh[Grunts.]
Pfft! Yeah, right, Jeff.
Me and Belson are pretty much best friends.
I would know if he has a girlfriend.
No, it's true! Her name is [Gasps.]
Shh! I can't have Kimby taking credit for this juicy gossip! Her name is Pipi.
Pipi? [Laughs.]
[Sighing.]
Oh, Jeff, you're crazy.
I'm telling you, it's true.
[Laughs.]
Could you imagine? Belson with a girlfriend? [Laughs.]
Good one, Jeff.
Me and Belson tell each other everything, so there's definitely no way he Wha-wha-wha-what?! [Bubbling.]
[Romantic music.]
- It's true! - I told you.
Aww! My sweet, little Belsy! Belson and Pipi seen canoodling at the treehouse.
Tell everyone Jeff told you! If you want news, listen to Jeffrey Randle.
So, there's this kid Aaron at my school, and he's been wearing the same shirt for three days.
- So gross.
- Probably forgot how to unbutton it.
Excuse me, Belson, aren't you going to introduce me? Whoa, what's this mistake of evolution? Just where have you been hiding her? So, how'd you two lovebirds meet? - Um, we met at a garbage dump.
- She was eating trash And he was looking for a place to live.
Aww! And now your boyfriends and girlfriends! - Totally.
Right, honey? - [Scoffs.]
Yeah.
We're a thing.
"An item.
" [Both moaning.]
- Yuck.
- So gross.
You almost had it! Now you just got to touch lips.
- Mwah! - Oh! I almost forgot! A romantic gift for my darling.
Oh, sweetheart, you shouldn't have! - Mmm! - Crazy how I just know all the hot gossip before Kimby, huh? Everyone's so glad to hear it from Jeff.
Mmm.
That wasn't very romantic.
I think you guys need some dating tips.
I can help you how to be boyfriends, girlfriends, and then you'll be in love forever.
- Blech.
- Ugh.
Let's get out of here.
[Gasps.]
I'll call you back.
Later, squares! - Can I come? - No way, Clarence.
Come on, Belson.
Let the big guy tag along.
Yay! [Thud.]
Seriously? I thought we were gonna hang out, like, you know, just just the two of us.
It'll give us someone to make fun of.
Oh! [Laughs.]
Yeah, nice.
Plus, I think he's sort of cute.
Him? [Still groaning.]
- You're joking, right? - Yay! Date day! I write down all my best date ideas, just in case there's a date emergency.
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's see, it's somewhere in here.
Oh! There we go! Romancetown, population us! Oh, man, it's gonna be so good.
[Both chuckle.]
Movies are great for smooching.
Man: Down in front! Clarence: Shh! We are on a date! Psst! [Pretends yawn.]
- [Both laugh.]
That stinks! - Ow! [Laughs.]
Got to make a good impression! Belson's mom is gonna just love you.
Yeah.
I bet she will.
Oh, it is just so lovely to meet you, Pipi.
[Laughs.]
You're the best.
[Laughs.]
[Both laugh.]
[Laughs.]
Soulmates.
The mall a classic date spot.
72 Be right back! 73 Be right back! - 74 - 75 Kids, you can't take money out of the fountain.
They're in love.
A romantic meal for two is a must! Hmm? [Chomping.]
[Gasps.]
[Both laugh.]
[Both growling.]
[Music.]
So, I saw Belson and Pipi together at the movies.
I don't know who those people are.
Agh! [Cries.]
[Both laugh.]
Look at him! [Clarence sighs.]
They're ready.
Could I have some diamonds? But it's really, really important! [Grunts.]
[Groans.]
[Gasps.]
[Laughs.]
Psst! Oh, Belsy! I think your dumbface guy wants to talk to you about something dumb.
- Why'd you even invite him? - What? You invited him! [Laughs.]
What is it, Clarence? It's time to por-pose to Pipi! Oh, my gosh, Clarence.
You're so weird! I got you an engagement ring.
Go get her, Casanova guy! [Groans.]
My work here is done.
Hey, Pipi.
Will you m-marry me? Uh [Laughs.]
You just married a dog's butt! [Both laugh.]
We're gonna have butt puppies! - Ugh.
This romance stuff is so lame.
- [Laughs.]
Yeah.
Man, I'd never tell you something lame like, - "Ooh, I like you.
" - You You wouldn't? Oh, uh I-I don't I don't know.
I-I mean, maybe.
"Ooh, uh, I don't know, maybe.
" [Laughs.]
Dude, I'm totally messing with you! Oh! [Laughs.]
Yeah! Yeah, me, too! - I, like, totally hate you.
- Yeah.
I hate you, too.
No one likes you! Not even your parents.
[Laughs.]
Look who's talking.
Everyone hates you! All the people! You're too scared to make friends with anyone because you think people won't like you, so you're petty all the time, and you're right.
They wouldn't like you if you tried.
[Chuckles nervously.]
Oh, my gosh! I'm just kidding! [Laughs.]
- Whoa! I got you! - G-Good one.
All right.
Be back in a sec.
- I got to go potty.
- Okay, cool [Sighs.]
Stop worrying about it, Belson.
I mean, it's cool.
It's cool! [Groans.]
If it's cool, then why do I feel so not-cool? - Stupid, stupid, stupid! - Hey, Belson! - How's married life? - I don't know, I bailed when she went to the bathroom.
- Is there trouble in paradise? - No! Well, sort of.
Ugh, this stinks! I-I-I don't know what's going on! Oh, Belsy.
You got to love how real people love.
Like in the movies! I think it's time for a makeover scene.
You still got that special money card? - What, these? - Oh, yeah.
[Music.]
Ooh, whoa Whoa, whoa Clarence, I look stupid.
You look dashing! And I got this card that'll tell her how you really feel.
Ugh.
Clarence, this doesn't feel like me.
Just do what I say and everything will be perfect.
One vanilla, please.
Pipi? Alone? Hurry, hurry, hurry! - Pipi! So, what's the scoop? - Nuh-unh.
I'm not playing your little gossip game, Jeff.
Oh, I, uh, didn't mean [Chuckles nervously.]
- Belson: Pipi.
- Belson? Whoa.
[Clears throat.]
When I was a boy, I played with army men.
When I was A teen? a teen, I studied in school.
When I was a young man, I had my heart broken.
And when I met you, it healed again.
Happy 30th anniversary, my beloved wife.
- Belson, I - It's happening.
I [Laughs.]
What are you doing, dude? You look ridiculous.
[Grunts.]
[Laughs.]
The tie! [Angry groan.]
- Belson! - Clarence! What happened? Did they break up! - I-I got to know before Kimby! - Belson! [Gasps.]
[Music.]
[Grunting.]
What are you doing? Your little sweetie-boy routine made me look like an idiot! I thought you looked super hot.
[Exhales sharply.]
I'm done with that girl! She doesn't know who she's messing with! We did every romantic thing you're supposed to do.
Isn't that what ladies want? [Grunts.]
Pipi isn't a lady! She's She's disgusting, and that's what I like about her.
[Treadmill beeps.]
[Panting.]
If that's how you feel, you got to tell her.
[Grunts.]
[Panting.]
I I just can't! [Train whistle blows.]
Huh? Belson, if you don't tell her, she's gonna hop the first train out of town and walk out of your life forever.
You're right.
What am I doing? Choo-choo! All aboard! - Belson: Pipi! - Belson? Oh, whoa! [Groans.]
Pipi, wait! Hey! - Stop the train! - Oh, no.
[Panting.]
Someone stop the train! I'll help you, Belson! [Grunts.]
Hey! Don't sit there! - Huh? - Huh? - Come on, kid.
Get off the tracks.
- No! This is for love! So, what was it you wanted to say? Pipi, you [Music.]
You chew really loudly.
[Music.]
- Huh? - And I like that.
And you're too short, like a little mushroom kid, and I like that, too.
And I like how sweaty your pits get in the afternoon and your weird golden leg hairs that stick straight out.
And I like that you eat steak fat.
And maybe telling you this stuff does make me scared, but I-I don't know, whatever.
[Music.]
- Huh? - Your hand is so sweaty, it's disgusting.
You know what, mall guy, I think I get it.
Sometimes, two kids who like each other try to buy a cookie pie with pennies, but the cookie guy doesn't want to count them all, so they get the cookie pie for free.
[Radio clicks.]
[Sighs.]
Yeah, it's that weird Wendle kid.
You want to get his mom on the phone? So This is sort of boring, isn't it? - You want to break up? - Yeah.
Hey, kids, who wants to get some ice cream? Both: Yeah! Ice cream, ice cream! Ice cream, ice cream! Now, ladies, rumor has it and don't ask me where I heard this from, Beatrice, you old snitch but our young Mavis has a crush on Dustin.
- Oh, we knew that already.
- Kimby told us.
Uh What? Kimby! Kimbyyy!!! Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
- Jeff: So, did you hear the latest? - The latest what? - About Belson? - What happened?! Ooh, Clarence, this is big news, baby! I'm talking once-in-a-school-year big, - my friend.
[clatter.]
- What is it, Jeff? You got to stop doing that.
I heard Belson has a girlfriend.
[Giggles.]
Uh[Grunts.]
Pfft! Yeah, right, Jeff.
Me and Belson are pretty much best friends.
I would know if he has a girlfriend.
No, it's true! Her name is [Gasps.]
Shh! I can't have Kimby taking credit for this juicy gossip! Her name is Pipi.
Pipi? [Laughs.]
[Sighing.]
Oh, Jeff, you're crazy.
I'm telling you, it's true.
[Laughs.]
Could you imagine? Belson with a girlfriend? [Laughs.]
Good one, Jeff.
Me and Belson tell each other everything, so there's definitely no way he Wha-wha-wha-what?! [Bubbling.]
[Romantic music.]
- It's true! - I told you.
Aww! My sweet, little Belsy! Belson and Pipi seen canoodling at the treehouse.
Tell everyone Jeff told you! If you want news, listen to Jeffrey Randle.
So, there's this kid Aaron at my school, and he's been wearing the same shirt for three days.
- So gross.
- Probably forgot how to unbutton it.
Excuse me, Belson, aren't you going to introduce me? Whoa, what's this mistake of evolution? Just where have you been hiding her? So, how'd you two lovebirds meet? - Um, we met at a garbage dump.
- She was eating trash And he was looking for a place to live.
Aww! And now your boyfriends and girlfriends! - Totally.
Right, honey? - [Scoffs.]
Yeah.
We're a thing.
"An item.
" [Both moaning.]
- Yuck.
- So gross.
You almost had it! Now you just got to touch lips.
- Mwah! - Oh! I almost forgot! A romantic gift for my darling.
Oh, sweetheart, you shouldn't have! - Mmm! - Crazy how I just know all the hot gossip before Kimby, huh? Everyone's so glad to hear it from Jeff.
Mmm.
That wasn't very romantic.
I think you guys need some dating tips.
I can help you how to be boyfriends, girlfriends, and then you'll be in love forever.
- Blech.
- Ugh.
Let's get out of here.
[Gasps.]
I'll call you back.
Later, squares! - Can I come? - No way, Clarence.
Come on, Belson.
Let the big guy tag along.
Yay! [Thud.]
Seriously? I thought we were gonna hang out, like, you know, just just the two of us.
It'll give us someone to make fun of.
Oh! [Laughs.]
Yeah, nice.
Plus, I think he's sort of cute.
Him? [Still groaning.]
- You're joking, right? - Yay! Date day! I write down all my best date ideas, just in case there's a date emergency.
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's see, it's somewhere in here.
Oh! There we go! Romancetown, population us! Oh, man, it's gonna be so good.
[Both chuckle.]
Movies are great for smooching.
Man: Down in front! Clarence: Shh! We are on a date! Psst! [Pretends yawn.]
- [Both laugh.]
That stinks! - Ow! [Laughs.]
Got to make a good impression! Belson's mom is gonna just love you.
Yeah.
I bet she will.
Oh, it is just so lovely to meet you, Pipi.
[Laughs.]
You're the best.
[Laughs.]
[Both laugh.]
[Laughs.]
Soulmates.
The mall a classic date spot.
72 Be right back! 73 Be right back! - 74 - 75 Kids, you can't take money out of the fountain.
They're in love.
A romantic meal for two is a must! Hmm? [Chomping.]
[Gasps.]
[Both laugh.]
[Both growling.]
[Music.]
So, I saw Belson and Pipi together at the movies.
I don't know who those people are.
Agh! [Cries.]
[Both laugh.]
Look at him! [Clarence sighs.]
They're ready.
Could I have some diamonds? But it's really, really important! [Grunts.]
[Groans.]
[Gasps.]
[Laughs.]
Psst! Oh, Belsy! I think your dumbface guy wants to talk to you about something dumb.
- Why'd you even invite him? - What? You invited him! [Laughs.]
What is it, Clarence? It's time to por-pose to Pipi! Oh, my gosh, Clarence.
You're so weird! I got you an engagement ring.
Go get her, Casanova guy! [Groans.]
My work here is done.
Hey, Pipi.
Will you m-marry me? Uh [Laughs.]
You just married a dog's butt! [Both laugh.]
We're gonna have butt puppies! - Ugh.
This romance stuff is so lame.
- [Laughs.]
Yeah.
Man, I'd never tell you something lame like, - "Ooh, I like you.
" - You You wouldn't? Oh, uh I-I don't I don't know.
I-I mean, maybe.
"Ooh, uh, I don't know, maybe.
" [Laughs.]
Dude, I'm totally messing with you! Oh! [Laughs.]
Yeah! Yeah, me, too! - I, like, totally hate you.
- Yeah.
I hate you, too.
No one likes you! Not even your parents.
[Laughs.]
Look who's talking.
Everyone hates you! All the people! You're too scared to make friends with anyone because you think people won't like you, so you're petty all the time, and you're right.
They wouldn't like you if you tried.
[Chuckles nervously.]
Oh, my gosh! I'm just kidding! [Laughs.]
- Whoa! I got you! - G-Good one.
All right.
Be back in a sec.
- I got to go potty.
- Okay, cool [Sighs.]
Stop worrying about it, Belson.
I mean, it's cool.
It's cool! [Groans.]
If it's cool, then why do I feel so not-cool? - Stupid, stupid, stupid! - Hey, Belson! - How's married life? - I don't know, I bailed when she went to the bathroom.
- Is there trouble in paradise? - No! Well, sort of.
Ugh, this stinks! I-I-I don't know what's going on! Oh, Belsy.
You got to love how real people love.
Like in the movies! I think it's time for a makeover scene.
You still got that special money card? - What, these? - Oh, yeah.
[Music.]
Ooh, whoa Whoa, whoa Clarence, I look stupid.
You look dashing! And I got this card that'll tell her how you really feel.
Ugh.
Clarence, this doesn't feel like me.
Just do what I say and everything will be perfect.
One vanilla, please.
Pipi? Alone? Hurry, hurry, hurry! - Pipi! So, what's the scoop? - Nuh-unh.
I'm not playing your little gossip game, Jeff.
Oh, I, uh, didn't mean [Chuckles nervously.]
- Belson: Pipi.
- Belson? Whoa.
[Clears throat.]
When I was a boy, I played with army men.
When I was A teen? a teen, I studied in school.
When I was a young man, I had my heart broken.
And when I met you, it healed again.
Happy 30th anniversary, my beloved wife.
- Belson, I - It's happening.
I [Laughs.]
What are you doing, dude? You look ridiculous.
[Grunts.]
[Laughs.]
The tie! [Angry groan.]
- Belson! - Clarence! What happened? Did they break up! - I-I got to know before Kimby! - Belson! [Gasps.]
[Music.]
[Grunting.]
What are you doing? Your little sweetie-boy routine made me look like an idiot! I thought you looked super hot.
[Exhales sharply.]
I'm done with that girl! She doesn't know who she's messing with! We did every romantic thing you're supposed to do.
Isn't that what ladies want? [Grunts.]
Pipi isn't a lady! She's She's disgusting, and that's what I like about her.
[Treadmill beeps.]
[Panting.]
If that's how you feel, you got to tell her.
[Grunts.]
[Panting.]
I I just can't! [Train whistle blows.]
Huh? Belson, if you don't tell her, she's gonna hop the first train out of town and walk out of your life forever.
You're right.
What am I doing? Choo-choo! All aboard! - Belson: Pipi! - Belson? Oh, whoa! [Groans.]
Pipi, wait! Hey! - Stop the train! - Oh, no.
[Panting.]
Someone stop the train! I'll help you, Belson! [Grunts.]
Hey! Don't sit there! - Huh? - Huh? - Come on, kid.
Get off the tracks.
- No! This is for love! So, what was it you wanted to say? Pipi, you [Music.]
You chew really loudly.
[Music.]
- Huh? - And I like that.
And you're too short, like a little mushroom kid, and I like that, too.
And I like how sweaty your pits get in the afternoon and your weird golden leg hairs that stick straight out.
And I like that you eat steak fat.
And maybe telling you this stuff does make me scared, but I-I don't know, whatever.
[Music.]
- Huh? - Your hand is so sweaty, it's disgusting.
You know what, mall guy, I think I get it.
Sometimes, two kids who like each other try to buy a cookie pie with pennies, but the cookie guy doesn't want to count them all, so they get the cookie pie for free.
[Radio clicks.]
[Sighs.]
Yeah, it's that weird Wendle kid.
You want to get his mom on the phone? So This is sort of boring, isn't it? - You want to break up? - Yeah.
Hey, kids, who wants to get some ice cream? Both: Yeah! Ice cream, ice cream! Ice cream, ice cream! Now, ladies, rumor has it and don't ask me where I heard this from, Beatrice, you old snitch but our young Mavis has a crush on Dustin.
- Oh, we knew that already.
- Kimby told us.
Uh What? Kimby! Kimbyyy!!! Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose