Columbo (1971) s01e09 Episode Script

Blueprint for Murder

Mr.
Williamson Where is he? He's not in.
He's there, isn't he? I don't believe you, ma'am.
You can't go in there! Mr.
Williamson.
It's incredible, isn't it? Williamson City that's very impressive.
Doesn't it make you feel proud? Mr.
Williamson! Mr.
Williamson! I said where is he? At the construction site.
Where's Markham? He's up there.
Markham, up there? Who? Markham, Markham.
He's not up here.
I think he's over on the bridge.
Hey, Mr.
Markham, Mr.
Markham.
I saw him five minutes ago when he came in what are you yelling about? Thank you, thank you.
Boy, that guy's sure in a hurry.
Yes, he is.
You wanna talk about the dedication later, Mr.
Markham? No, Carl.
I wanna talk about it right now.
What time is it scheduled to start? Nine o'clock in the morning, sir.
And you've got the seats facing East? East? Oh, is that East? Oh, yeah.
That's East.
We don't want the people looking into the sun, do we? Carl.
No, sir.
I'll rearrange the seats, Mr.
Markham.
Thank you, Carl.
Bo! What a pleasant surprise.
Didn't know you were here.
When did you get back? Just in time, it looks like! What's the matter? Williamson City, that's what's the matter.
Oh, you spoke to your wife.
No, I didn't speak to my wife.
I just got back from eight weeks in Europe and I find she's off at some phoney health farm.
Well, maybe I better explain.
You don't have to explain anything.
You know what else I found? A bunch of letters between you and her and about a mile-high stack of blueprints.
Oh, it's the most revolutionary concept I ever had.
Jennifer and I assumed you'd be delighted.
Delighted? Let me tell you.
Nobody throws a lasso around my money without my consent, that includes my wife.
And you had better believe it! Well, you were in Europe.
There was no way to get in touch with you.
You could've waited.
We were positive you'd agree.
Agree? Forget it, boy.
The joyride is over! But the machinery's already been set in motion.
Well, then you unset it! And I'll tell you something else.
Don't ever speak to my wife or me again.
She's too young to recognize a con man when she sees one.
Can I suggest you consider what you're saying.
You're not talking to one of your underlings.
Oh, listen.
I know exactly who I'm talking to.
But Bo, listen, listen.
This project can give you immortality.
As long as that city stands your name will be remembered.
Name? I'm gonna tell you something Jackson boy! My wallet is a lot more important to me than my name.
You really are a Philistine, aren't you? What? All you care about is money.
You wouldn't reconize art if you fell over it.
We have a chance to do something extraordinary here and you're trying to ruin it.
That's right.
Quite right! And if you're on some kind of an ego trip you find somebody else to pay for it.
Bo, I have a thought.
Would you commission me to design your burial vault? That would be about your speed.
You really would like to see me dead, wouldn't you? But I'll tell you something.
It wouldn't count for much.
Well, maybe your wife might have other ideas.
Don't mean a thing because when I die all of my money goes into trust.
Jennifer'll get her share every year, you can count on that.
But there won't be any cash to build cities with.
If you're thinkin' of any uglies forget it.
Mr.
Markham, Bo Williamson was here and Get his wife on the phone, right away.
She's in Palm Springs at some health farm.
Golden Dunes retreat.
That's the one.
Get her.
She is there, isn't she? I see.
Well, when will she be available? All right, thank you.
Williamson do that? Yes, sir.
He just barged right in.
When he saw it he Never mind.
Did you reach Jennifer? They won't put the call through to her.
The guests aren't allowed to have telephones.
Call her back.
It's important.
I'm sorry, but they said the guests can't make or receive calls during their stay.
I see Then she's virtually incommunicado.
No telegrams, no outside visitors.
Just wheat germ and push-ups.
When does she get reprieved? Oh, she'll be back in time for the dedication ceremonies.
Thanks, Miss Sherman.
I think I love you.
I needed that.
Beautiful! Beautiful! Hey, Freddie! That is absolutely beautiful.
Bring that beauty back here.
What have you been doing to him, anyway? He's improved a lot since I can see that.
I can see that.
Thank you, sir.
Listen, you keep working him like that, and I'll be back in a few days to check him out.
I'll take him back to the barn and cool him off.
You better.
You better.
Hey, hey, beautiful! I don't believe this.
Hey, cool him out easy.
Hello, Bo.
Surprised? What're you doin' in my car? Waiting for you.
Get yourself killed that way.
Or the reverse.
Get out.
Over there.
Thank you.
Sit down, please.
Thank you very much.
Well, as usual I feel like an expectant father.
But contrary to the norm, each one seems to get more difficult for me.
I'm just grateful I have so many wonderful friends you know I'd like to also take this Hey! Where're you going? Over there.
No one's allowed in there.
What do you mean no one's allowed? I see 30 people down there.
No one's allowed in there without an invitation.
You have an invitation? No, I don't have an invitation.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
You have no invitation.
So Out.
Actually, I'm a Lieutenant in the police.
My name is Columbo.
Oh, Lieutenant? Oh.
You know, I came here.
I'm just coming here to look for somebody.
Who you looking for, Lieutenant? A Mrs.
Williamson? Well, I'll tell you, Lieutenant, lotta people here.
Why don't you wander around.
Maybe you'll bump into her.
I see.
Thank you very much.
OK.
Bye.
let me give you some details about this building? You've heared this before, but you understand that it's a fantastic building, really.
Yes, you see, it's to be 32 stories high.
It's revolutionary in concept really because it won't be offices so much as living modules, almost cocoons where a man can coordinate his activities outside the context of mere business.
In fact, if he chooses, it can become virtually a second home, a remarkable place of mobility and freedom.
I don't know how the wives will feel about that.
In any case, these units will be for sale for all those who qualify.
You were asking me about the price earlier, we've been we haven't quite figured it out.
We've been dickering around somewhere between 30 and Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Something you want? Well, I didn't mean to interrupt like this and barge in, but I'm looking for a Mrs.
Williamson I'm Mrs.
Williamson.
Mrs.
Bo Williamson? That's right.
And who might you be? Lieutenant Columbo.
You called the police.
I did? Well, that's what they told me.
Lieutenant, I may not be the brightest lady in the world, but I do know whether I made a phone call or not.
Obviously some kind of mix-up.
Well, I'd like to get this thing straightened out.
Can anybody tell me where Mr.
Williamson is? I don't know.
You mean he's missing? To be absent is not necessarily to be missing, Lieutenant.
I assume you understand the distinction.
It's just that he's out of town on business.
And really, Lieutenant, I didn't call the police.
This is very very weird, because they told me they got a call from a Mrs.
Williamson and she said that her husband was missing and he might even be dead.
Oh that's ridiculous.
Wait a minute Goldie.
Who's Goldie? My husband's first wife.
She must've called you.
Why would she do that? I guess because Bo's been out of the country for eight weeks.
And he came back on business for a day and I suppose left again.
She gets a little tense when the alimony checks are late.
That's hardly a reason to call the police.
Well, Goldie's a little possessive.
Is that the word? They've been divorced a long time.
But she still can't give up the ghost.
Mr.
Williamson is a globetrotter, sometimes he takes off at a moment's notice, doesn't even tell Jennifer.
No kidding? Just I'm sure he'll show up in a few weeks.
If you'll excuse us if you've covered everything.
Say, did you build this? No, no.
One of my staff did that.
Oh.
Come on.
Do you want some? Yes.
Excuse me, please.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
A little on the slow side here.
Ah, forgive me a moment.
I just wanted to stop by and tell you that's a terrific building.
I mean it.
I know a lot of people like the old-fashioned stuff, but I figure you got to keep an open mind.
You have a new fan.
Yes.
Oh, absolutely.
It's just marvelous.
Tell me how did you two meet? Mr.
Markham designed a summer house for us.
It's incredible.
Really, it's a work of genius.
Jennifer tends to get carried away, Lieutenant.
But you are a genius.
And when everyone sees your plans for Williamson City you'll be buried in commissions.
What is Williamson City? Now I'm a superstitious guy, let's not talk about our project till it's hatched.
You'll have to excuse us, Lieutenant.
One of the obligations of the trade have to mingle.
Oh, sure.
Listen, sorry to bother you.
No bother at all.
Oh, don't worry about my husband, Lieutenant.
Believe me, he's very much alive.
He's dead, I tell you! I can feel it in my spine.
A little lower, honey.
Ouch, that's it.
I know more about Bo Williamson than that little lady'll learn in a lifetime.
Yeah, but Lover, take my word for it.
He has shuffled off this veil of tears.
How do you know that? Because he always calls me before he leaves town.
This time he didn't.
Yeah, but if he didn't call you, how'd you know he left town? I spoke with the child bride.
You mean Mrs.
Williamson? The current Mrs.
Williamson.
I call her the next-ex.
Don't get me wrong, lover.
She's half my age and twice as pretty but I like her.
Bo reached the point where he thought he needed a younger woman, and she's better than most.
I gotta say this for you, you a pretty healthy attitude.
I can afford it.
He pays, you know.
I tell you, lover, if gold lame was legal tender, I'd rule the world.
That's enough for today, Miko.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Say goodbye to the Lieutenant.
Dozo yoroshiku.
Columbo-san.
Anata wa suteki desu.
Anone, watakushi wa anata suki desu.
Anone, dewa mata.
Sayonara.
Sayonara.
See.
She's a lovely girl.
She is a lovely girl.
Very polite.
I don't know what she's said but it sounded like she liked me.
Lieutenant, would you like to turn around? I don't want to corrupt you.
OK.
You can turn around now.
Oh, fine.
The point is this, Mrs.
Williamson.
My friends call me Goldie! And since I'm standing here practically naked with you, you'd better be my friend.
Would you mind repeating that last sentence? I don't think I quite understood.
I said, since I'm standing here practically naked with you, you better be my friend.
And my friends call me Goldie.
Oh, I see.
Well, Goldie.
Let me ask you this.
Don't you think it's possible that your ex-husband could've slipped up and left town without calling you? No way.
He never forgets.
Does Mrs.
Williamson know this? Why ruin a lovely relationship? You mean to tell me that your ex-husband's closer to you than he is to his current wife? Lieutenant, we were married for We never had any children.
So we spent a lotta time getting to know one another.
Jennifer gives him youth.
For the rest, he comes to me.
Now, even if he leaves town for just a few days, he always lets me know.
Every time.
Yeah It's for you.
Oh, thank you very much.
Hello, yes, oh, all right.
I'll be right down.
Thank you.
They found Bo Williamson's car.
You see? What did I tell you? At the airport.
I'm gonna go down and check it out, but it really looks like he left town.
Honey, I've got gold-plated instincts and I trust 'em.
I am worried sick.
But his clothes are gone, his passport, his suitcase.
And his car is at the airport.
What more proof do you need? Excuse me.
Did I hear you say that he took his passport? Well, it isn't here.
And he spends a lot of time in Europe.
Oh, yes.
That's right.
Globetrotter.
That's what Mr.
Markham called him.
I noticed that he likes country and western music.
Does a bear like honey? I've tried to broaden his tastes a little, but it's impossible.
That noise is all he listens to.
Tell me something do you ever drive his car? Me? No, I have my own.
What's all this guff about cars and music and passports? I feel like the original voice in the wilderness.
Don't you two understand? Bo's gone and nobody gives a hoot! Who's Dr.
Moss? What? I see in your husband's appointment book, "Dr.
Moss, 10:45".
the 11th of the month.
That's tomorrow.
You see? He'd never leave town if he had an appointment with his heart specialist.
Oh? He had a bad ticker, did he? He has a pacemaker and his heart works perfectly.
The fact that he's missing the appointment proves it's unimportant.
Hey, look at this Blueprints.
What's he doing? Building a bigger house? Those are the preliminary plans for Williamson City.
Williamson City? Williamson City? I remember that.
You mentioned that down at the construction site.
What is that exactly? It's an entire community.
Churches, schools, everything planned from fireplugs to skyscrapers.
Mr.
Markham.
Did he design that? That's right.
I can't imagine Bo's bringing hard cash for something like that.
Well, there may be some things about him you don't know.
It's possible he's a bit more complicated than you think, Goldie.
The day he came back, he saw those plans and Elliot said he loved them.
Oh, then Mr.
Markham saw your husband before he left town? They had a meeting the day he came back, and Elliot told me all about it.
Are you a policeman? Yes, ma'am.
My name is Lieutenant Columbo.
Excuse me for just one moment.
I was out at the construction site, I don't know if you remember me or not.
Well is something wrong? Oh, no.
Nothing's wrong.
I wanted to speak to Mr.
Markham.
Is he in there? I'm sorry, Lieutenant, he isn't in.
Well, maybe I could speak to him at home.
He only goes there to sleep.
If you want him, you'll find him at the university giving a lecture to his students.
Oh, really? He teaches too, huh? Mr.
Markham feels he has a responsibility to share his knowledge.
I'll tell you something.
It's a wonder the man finds all the time, right? Pure energy, Lieutenant.
He's a dynamo.
A man like that throws off sparks and never slows down.
Most of us can't keep up with him.
But we love it, naturally.
I mean everyone likes to feel he's participating in something important.
He's an unusual man.
Tonight's lecture for instance, on Egyptian architecture.
Pyramids, tombs.
Things like that.
He gave up his dinner hour to verify a date.
Not the year, mind you, the date.
Lieutenant? Lieutenant? Lieutenant.
Is this where he works? Yes, it is.
Just wonderful.
Marvelous office.
Yes, it is.
Spacious.
Yes, it is.
Conference room? Yes, it is.
Very handy, isn't it? Yes, it is.
Wonderful.
I mean everything, the décor, the paneling I'm glad you like it, Lieutenant.
But really Mr.
Markham doesn't permit anyone in his office.
I see he likes music.
Yes.
He has it right here in the office, huh? Yes, he does.
He plays it while he's designing.
Classical stuff? My favorite.
Just love it.
Really, Lieutenant, it's getting late.
And I have to meet someone for dinner.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hold you up like that.
Forgive me.
It's just when I start hearing this stuff, I could just listen for hours.
I'm sorry.
Yes.
Well, if there's nothing else No, I don't think there's anything else.
Thank you very much.
Good night.
Good night.
What happened here? An accident.
Isn't that something Williamson City? If you ask me, he doesn't deserve it.
Who is that? Bo Williamson.
I know I shouldn't be talking about this but it's a shame Mr.
Markham has to work for a man like that.
You mean Mr.
Williamson did this? Yes, he just barged right in here the other day and smashed it all to smithereens.
Guess he didn't like it, huh? People like that don't know what they like.
All they care about is what it costs.
Too expensive, huh? Mr.
Markham has a saying, you can't put a price tag on genius.
These were built over the course of a generation by an endless supply of slave labor.
Oddly enough, the pharaohs of the time, much like ourselves, were greatly concerned with the crime rate.
The tombs were particularly vulnerable because the Egyptians buried vast caches of treasure along with their dead royalty.
So, aside from being visually impressive, with their bulk and simplicity, the tombs were also a marvel of engineering skills, built to withstand the onslaught of thieves.
By the way, it's said that some of the engineers who built the pyramids were sealed up in their own creations to protect the integrity of the tomb.
Fortunately, today's architects are spared that particular indignity.
Lights, please.
Next week we'll move rapidly into the Baroque period, and even more rapidly into our first exam.
Those of you with failing grades will be permanently entombed at least as far as this class is concerned.
Thank you.
Didn't know you had an interest in scholarly pursuits, Lieutenant.
Well, actually, I just came by to ask you a few questions.
Say, that stuff about burying those Egyptians.
Is that true? According to some experts.
Gee I find that interesting.
I mean particularly for a fella in my line of work.
Why? Well, you know, the idea of burying a body in a place where you can't find it.
If I ever murdered anybody, that's what I would do.
Not many people have access to the pyramids, Lieutenant.
Oh, you wouldn't put 'em in the pyramids today.
No, today, you'd have to find another place like gee, I don't know.
You'd have to Like the foundation of a building? You know, now that you mention it, that would be a terrific place.
I mean, you put a body under a building, you would find it for a hundred years.
I'll keep that in mind, Lieutenant, in case I kill somebody.
Now if you'll get to your questions I haven't had any dinner.
Gee you know, neither have I.
I can offer you some raisins.
No no, thank you.
I'll tell you why I came by Would you get that board for me? Oh, certainly.
I came by because I'm still looking into the disappearance of this Bo Williamson fella.
Disappearance? So Goldie's got you convinced now.
No, not necessarily.
By the way, I stopped by your office because I wanted to talk to you.
I couldn't help noticing that smashed-up model of Williamson City.
What about it? Nothing.
I was just wondering how it got broken.
Why? Why do I have the feeling you already know the answer to that question? Well, your secretary did say something about Mr.
Williamson coming in there and she said he was kinda mad and he kinda threw things around.
There's a perfectly simple explanation, Lieutenant.
Bo was angry.
And for good reason.
We went ahead on the project without his permission.
It was very undiplomatic of us.
I see.
Us Oh, you mean you and his wife? Yes.
Well, Jennifer is an admirer of my work.
Yeah, she told me that.
In any event, Bo came back from his trip and he saw the plans.
It took him by surprise.
Bo's a volatile Texan, and when he gets angry, it shows.
Fortunately, when I explained the project to him he was delighted.
I see.
Happy ending? But won't his disappearance interfere with your plans to move ahead? Are we really back to that? Lieutenant, all the evidence indicates that he simply left the country.
Well, we did find his car at the airport.
There you are.
That should prove it.
It should.
But we checked out every flight list, and there wasn't one Williamson on it.
Lieutenant, Bo is a he's a high-powered tycoon.
He's got exotic business interests all over the world.
Now isn't it just possible for reasons not known to us that he might occasionally fly under a different name? Yes, that is possible.
Then I wouldn't worry about it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, a very hungry architect would like to get himself some dinner.
You know, what's a funny thing about that car.
Car's got a tape machine in it and the glove compartment is full of cassettes.
Every one of them is country and western music.
That's all.
And his wife tells me this man doesn't listen to anything else.
Nothing unusual about that.
No.
Except the radio dial was set at 52, classical station.
Turned it on, classical music.
I see.
You wanna half a candy bar? No.
Anyway, it seems that whoever was driving that car must've been listening to classical music.
It's confusing.
I'm sure you'll find an answer, Lieutenant.
I'm certainly gonna try.
Anyway, thanks for your time.
Oh, as for your designs Mr.
Williamson did give you his approval, didn't he? I already told you, Lieutenant.
As soon as he got over his anger he gave me his full support.
Right.
Thanks very much.
You know, that's some coincidence.
What is? That music thing.
You're a great classical music fan yourself, aren't you? I saw your record collection down in the office.
Guilty, Lieutenant.
I like classical music.
Along with a few hundred thousand other people in this city.
Me too.
I like it myself.
Enjoy your meal.
Yeah, yeah, I know him.
He's that Texas guy.
What's his name His name is Williamson.
He's a very close friend of Mr.
Markham's.
Friend? Well, weren't they friends? Not the last time I seen that guy.
The last time I saw that guy he looked like he was ready to wrap a two-by-four around Mr.
Markham's neck.
No kidding? When was that? Hey, look, Lieutenant, I got a building to put up, all right? I'll see you around.
Yeah, OK.
I don't want to interfere with your work.
But look, there's one other thing.
Talk to Mr.
Markham.
I'm just in charge of the nuts and bolts around here.
Then you know about those columns.
Not columns.
Piles.
Oh, piles.
So that's what they're called.
Well, tell me about them.
Well, Lieutenant.
First we sink a hollow steel cylinder in the ground.
Then we fill it with cement, and when it hardens, we got a pile.
That's what a pile is.
That's right.
That's interesting.
What do you do? You keep a record when you put 'em in the ground? Have to.
And which ones first.
You mean, you can tell me exactly what day each one of these piles was sunk? The day, the time, how long it took and how many men I had on the job.
Lieutenant, still obsessed with pyramids? Well, it must've been that lecture, Mr.
Markham.
I never really noticed buildings before but I'm interested in them now.
Carl, you gotta check on those HVAC estimates for me? Yes, sir.
I'll see you around, Lieutenant.
Hey, tell me the truth, Lieutenant.
Are you interested in buildings or builders? What do you mean? Well, let's look at your itinerary.
You showed up at my office at my lecture, and now at my construction site.
Well, actually, I just happened to some have spare time Perhaps you should spend your time a little more productively.
You're supposed to be tracking down Bo Williamson.
Now, surely you don't think he's here, do you? Well, no, I don't see how he could be.
Well, if you'll forgive me I'll go back to my work.
Certainly.
I assume I can look forward to another visit in the near future? Well if anything interesting turns up, I'll surely get in touch with you.
I'm sure you will.
Say, do you have the time? I think my watch is out of order.
I don't wanna be late.
I got an appointment at the doctor's.
Doctor, really I never intended to have an exam.
Just a moment.
Blood pressure's a bit low.
Well, that's normal for me.
Look, Doctor, really I know, you came here to ask me questions.
But a checkup never hurts.
Now, do you get enough exercise? Well, I walk a bit.
Doctor, listen.
I just had a police physical Can't have too many, Lieutenant.
The human machine is a delicate instrument.
There we go.
Now you were saying? Yeah, this is what I want to know.
Look, it's 11:20 Mr.
Williamson hasn't shown up for his appointment.
Now, was this just another routine checkup? When you have a heart condition that needs a pacemaker, no visit is routine.
You can roll down your sleeve.
What I mean is this, was this particular appointment any more or any less important than the others? Let me put it this way.
If Bo Williamson doesn't get to me or any other specialist, he's running a grave risk with his health.
Why is that? This is a pacemaker.
You mean, it's that big? It runs on miniature energy cells.
It's sort of like an electric watch? Exactly.
It regulates a heart that can't keep a steady beat of its own.
Now, every year or so, these energy cells have to be replaced or the pacemaker becomes erratic, causing the heart to malfunction.
In other words, you could die.
Put simply, yes.
Is this a big operation? No, but it is a surgical procedure.
Could another doctor besides yourself perform it? Naturally.
But knowing Bo Williamson, I seriously doubt if he'd put himself in the hands of another stranger no matter how competent.
Hmmm I see, all right, Doc.
Listen.
I want to thank you very much for the time and for the checkup.
It wasn't much of a checkup but you're welcome.
If you locate Mr.
Williamson, tell him to contact me immediately.
I will.
I'll do that.
Are you looking for something? Do you have a lighter? You won't find one here, Lieutenant.
And let me give you some free medical advice.
Stop smoking those things.
Well I've been trying.
Trying isn't good enough.
Remember I deal in pacemakers.
Well, lover, are you satisfied? Goldie! What are you doing here? Same thing you are.
Checking up on Bo.
He didn't show up, did he? No.
Columbo, the man is dead.
He would never miss an appointment with a doctor.
He was always very nervous about his health.
That may be, but there's no proof, there's nothing solid to go on yet.
Columbo, what does it take to convince you that I'm right.
His body? Please, slow down.
You're running me ragged.
That's the object of the game.
Isn't there anything you do badly? Yes.
Lose.
I don't believe it.
Have you ever lost? Come on.
You're doing beautifully.
It's just that I don't get my arm back in time.
Ready or not, I'm serving.
Oh, that's embarrassing! Listen, your problem is you're getting your racket back a little late.
Throw me a ball.
Can't.
We hit them all out.
I'll get it.
No, let me.
I'm getting embarrassed to face you.
In Cannes they have trained dogs to retrieve tennis balls.
I'll tell Bo somebody's got something on him.
Elliot! What's the matter? Jennifer! What's the matter? It's Bo's hat.
A battered, blood-stained hat by itself means next to nothing.
Well, it looks kinda strange though, don't you think? We don't even know if he was wearing a hat if he was killed.
We don't.
But the question is where did it come from? When will the police lab have a report? Pretty soon.
I told them to rush it.
I got them.
Good.
What did you ask her to get? His army dog tags? Yes.
Do you want a drink, Lieutenant? No.
Thanks anyhow.
What I could really use is a cigar.
Beg your pardon? Here they are, Lieutenant.
I finally found them in the attic.
But why you want them I don't know.
You see, army dog tags usually have a blood type on them.
Here it is.
B positive.
Sure glad he saved these.
Lotta guys usually do.
I still think this is an exercise in futility.
We don't even know if it's his hat.
It has to be.
It wasn't new, but he had a lot of them around.
And the brim is fixed just the way he always wore it.
Besides, it was custom-made, so the label will be easy enough to check out.
Yes? Just a moment.
Lieutenant, it's for you.
Thank you.
Hello? Uh-huh Uh-huh.
That's what I figured.
Thank you.
Blood type, B positive, it's the same as your husband's.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
Then something did happen to him.
He is dead.
Jennifer, you're jumping to conclusions.
Don't be hysterical.
Lieutenant, tell her that blood on a hat doesn't necessarily mean that Bo is dead.
Well, that's true.
It doesn't.
But I'd say we have got a whole new ball game.
Sorry.
Strict orders.
He doesn't want to be bothered.
He's playing that music awfully loud.
Bad mood? He doesn't have bad moods.
Let's just say he's been happier.
Miss Sherman? Miss Sherman? Yes, sir.
Would you get me Mrs.
Williamson, please.
Yes, sir.
Yes? Mrs.
Williamson is on the line.
Hello? Hello, Jennifer.
How are you? Feeling any better? I'm not sure how I feel.
I just keep thinking about that hat.
Well, that's what I called you about.
I may have an explanation for you.
What? Well, I've got to check on a few things before I tell you anything.
Do you think you can arrange to have Bo's will sent over? Bo's will? What on earth for? Just trust me.
Get out of there! That won't help, Goldie, I've already seen them.
You said you wanted to talk and suddenly I find you poking around in my closet! You've got no right! Two of Bo's old hats left over from the old days.
I got a hunch there were be three on that shelf.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't you? You planted that hat.
You manufactured the whole show just to back up your story that Bo's was dead.
You're reaching, mister.
Now, what's that? It's Bo's will.
It's an interesting document.
It shows why you're so eager to prove he's dead.
Mister, you're farther out than your buildings.
According to this, the minute Bo Williamson is officially dead you inherit 25% of his estate.
And that's a lot of gold lame much more than you'll ever see in alimony.
Now you listen to me! You're after me for some reason and all I'm trying to do is to point out what's plain as the nose on your face.
That will doesn't prove a thing.
Suppose we call Lieutenant Columbo? We'll leave it up to him.
Uh Listen, now.
I can save yourself the trouble.
Ah The omnipresent constable.
What are you doing here? Well, your maid let me in.
She told me you were up here with Mr.
Markham.
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
How long were you standing there? Oh, not very long.
I guess I did hear the tail end of what you were saying.
Well, then I guess you know what kind of fertilizer this boy is spreading around.
You know, actually, Mr.
Markham is making pretty good sense.
He'd almost make a detective.
That stuff about the will, that's good police work.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
I thought you were my friend.
Goldie, I am your friend.
And because I'm you're friend, I'd like to give you some advice.
I think it would do you a lot of good if you told the truth.
I am telling the truth.
Are you? You see, I just spoke to that nice Japanese girl that gives you the massages.
Miko? We had a little trouble understanding each other.
But we finally made it.
She told me she noticed a bandaged cut on the back of your leg this morning.
It wasn't there yesterday.
Pure coincidence.
I cut myself shaving.
I also went down to the Bureau of Records and dug up your marriage license.
It turns out you and Mr.
Williamson have the same blood type B positive.
Very good, Lieutenant.
Obviously she took one of her husband's old hats, added some blood from a self-inflicted wound and left it near the tennis court.
Anything to make it look as if Bo had been murdered.
What about it, ma'am? Oh, and another thing.
The lab tells me the blood is only 24 hours old.
All right, all right I did it.
I planted the hat.
I was just trying to get everybody off the dime.
I guess I'm in trouble, huh? Falsifying evidence? There's no real harm done.
Surely she didn't break any laws.
Your help I don't need.
Like Mr.
Markham says, there was no harm done.
As far as I'm concerned, I think everybody can forget about it.
Well now I'll be going.
Mr.
Markham! May I borrow that will for an hour or two? I'm afraid it isn't mine.
It belongs to Jennifer.
Why don't I take it back to her? I'm sure dropping it off will take you out of your way.
Suit yourself.
Let me ask you this question.
Is this the first pile iron you sunk? That's pile D-3.
We did that the day of the dedication.
You were here, remember I saw you coming in.
Well, what happens then? You just dig a hole and you just plop the stuff in? We usually dig 'em the day before.
I see.
Then you have this big hole sitting there all night.
It's not a safety hazard, Lieutenant.
Don't worry about it.
I see Mr.
Markham.
The Lieutenant was looking for you, Mr.
Markham.
I'm sure he was.
I see you have our building records.
Yes, sir but he wanted to take a look.
Now, listen.
I didn't think you'd mind.
No.
Of course not.
I wouldn't dampen your new interest in architecture.
All right, Carl.
Thanks.
Lieutenant anybody ever tell you you're very much like an arachnid? A what? A tick.
They're quite common, but excessively tenacious.
They hang on and they let go only under extreme prodding.
I never heard of 'em.
There it is.
There's what? Pile D-3.
What do you mean? Let's dig it up.
What? Come on.
You know you want to.
I don't know what you're talking about? Well, it's such a marvelous place to hide a body.
A crew comes in and digs a hole.
The hole sits there overnight.
If I were a murderer hypothetically speaking of course, it would be made to order.
I'd just drive up and dump the body.
The next morning the crew comes in and fills the hole with concrete.
Neat, clean, foolproof.
Wait a minute.
If you were a murderer hypothetically like you say, you're not gonna tell this to the police.
Why not? You'd never be able to dig it up.
Besides how do you know I'm not a victim of my own bravado? How much would it cost? I mean, to actually dig up pile D-3.
Just for the sake of curiosity.
A great deal more than your bank account, Lieutenant.
To say nothing of the permits, assuming you got permission, which is doubtful.
Hmmm probably be a mess wouldn't it? It's a lot of concrete Yeah, sure is.
You really believe that Bo Williamson met with foul play, don't you? Astonishing.
There's no body, no proof.
Aside from Goldie's pathetic attempt at fraud, no motive.
Well, actually there is a motive.
Oh? Oh, yes.
It's in Mr.
Williamson's will.
You see, before I dropped it off at his wife's house, I stopped by to see my brother-in-law.
He's an attorney.
Nothing big, you understand, but he's pretty good.
You've been very busy.
Well, it's just part of the job.
Anyway, he tells me there's a very interesting clause in that will.
It says that if Mr.
Williamson dies, his wife Jennifer doesn't gain control of the estate.
Is that so? Yes.
Aside from Goldie's 25 percent, the entire thing goes into a trust.
And the wife, all she gets is the income from the interest.
How nice for her.
Yes, it's lotta money but it's a lot less than it takes to finance your city.
You're proving my point, Lieutenant.
I have no interest in seeing Bo dead.
I want the city built.
Yeah, but if he's dead and it can't be proved, then legally he's considered alive which means his wife can spend the money without restrictions.
She can go right ahead and bankroll your city.
Quite a lawyer, your brother-in-law.
Yeah.
The whole family, we're kinda proud of him.
As long as he's giving you so much free counsel I hope there's one other point that he made.
What's that? A man can be declared legally dead without a corpus delicti.
But if you really want to make a case against someone it might help if you found a body.
Yeah, I know.
See, I figure I gotta come up with something concrete.
I uh need some information about Just a minute, please.
Yes.
I want some information.
How do I go about getting permission to dig up a pile of a building that's already under construction? I beg your pardon? A pile of a building that's under construction.
I want to dig it up.
Regular size pile? Yeah Ten thousand pounds? I would think so.
Ah Section 346-B Foundations.
Do you know how much a thing like that would cost? No.
How much? See 581-D Here we are.
What's your connection, by the way? Contractor, owner? No, I'm from the police.
Lieutenant Columbo.
Well, you'll have to have a departmental approval under regulation 613 of the Municipal Code.
I see that's Now, once you get that, you file your permits, your requisition slips, and if the Mayor's office approves of that, then you're set.
Been to the Structural Engineering Department? What for? Lieutenant, you have to show the exact foundation to be torn out so we can make our estimates.
Where do I do that? Room 316.
Down the hall.
All right.
I'll be right back.
I got 'em.
Good.
Well? Lunch hour.
Come back at 1 o'clock.
OK! How long have you been digging here? Since about 8 this morning.
And how much is this going to cost? I don't know.
Inspector? How much is all this going to cost? Uhh He won't tell you.
I'll tell you.
It's gonna cost considerable.
Hi, Lieutenant.
You know, you can still stop it before it's too late.
You know I went to so much trouble to get the permission I think I'd better go ahead.
Well, that's up to you.
I hope you realize how much work you're causing for a great many people.
Well, it's a lot more than I expected.
I'll give you that.
You should have dressed for the occasion.
What? They're taking a picture.
You're gonna be a celebrity on the 6 o'clock news.
All right.
Come on! Give me a break, huh? I wanna apologize for the press.
I didn't realize they were gonna be here.
I had nothing to do with it.
Must've been a leak down in the department.
No, I invited them.
Hope you don't mind.
I intend to make a statement when you're finished.
You do? Maybe I'll have a statement of my own.
Well, you're clutching at straws.
Carl.
You're keeping a record of the delay in construction time, aren't you? Yes, sir.
All right.
Fine.
Lieutenant,I want you to know I admire you.
Really? You've got the courage of your conviction.
That's an admirable trait, misdirected as it may be.
Lieutenant! There you are.
You just stay right there because I am gonna love you to death.
We could have used you at the Alamo.
You've got guts! Oh Jennifer called and told me about this.
Then she pulled the covers over her head which is her way of dealing with problems.
But I'm here to give you support.
Thanks.
I appreciate that.
Are you getting a little nervous, Mr.
Markham? Should I be? Well, it depends on what's down there.
The usual, Goldie bedrock and cement.
Hmmm I wonder.
So does the Lieutenant.
But he'll have his curiosity satisfied soon enough.
Mr.
Markham.
Can I see you a moment, please? Don't be intimidated.
I think he's scared.
If this looks all right to you, can I bring in the crane? All right.
Bring her in, take her up.
What's happening? Another half an hour.
Another half hour.
Nervous, Lieutenant? Yeah, a little.
Why not? You're learning architecture the hard way.
Take her up! OK, fellas.
Let's forget it, huh? Nothing here, Mr.
Markham.
Not even a button.
Well, Lieutenant Columbo? I guess I was wrong.
I consider that an accurate statement.
Do you have a moment? I'd like to talk to you.
Nothing I'd like better.
Mr.
Markham, I think I owe you an apology.
Is that all you have to say? Not much.
Good night.
Carl.
Fill up the excavation and sink another hole.
We'll pour the concrete in the morning.
Lieutenant, you say you owe me an apology? Well, you owe me a great deal more than that.
There's not a trace of a body.
Not a bit of clothing, not a ring, nothing.
Now I'm not a police officer, but the conclusion seems to be obvious.
You didn't find Bo Williamson because he isn't here and he never was.
Stop gloating.
What's the matter, Goldie? You should be delighted.
It means that Bo is still alive.
The only one who's suffered here is the Lieutenant.
And me.
Why you? Well, I've been suspected of murder, my work has been delayed my relationship with Bo and Jennifer has been jeopardized.
Lieutenant, I'm sure you have a lot of explaining to do to your superiors.
So if you'll forgive me, I'll be off.
Here, put this on.
I'm sorry, lover.
That's okay, Goldie.
No, it's my fault.
I put the bug in your ear.
They're going to suspend you, or something? I don't know.
I'll buy you a drink.
I'll buy us both a drink.
No, that's OK.
Thank you, Goldie, you go ahead.
I owe you one.
I'll see you later.
License and registration, please? That was real nice, sir.
What? That was a real nice piece of driving you did back there.
The way you panned it, the way you pulled it over.
Oh, thank you.
Left front.
Could've been hairy.
Yeah, it could've been well, there's no real harm done.
Thank you for stopping.
I appreciate it.
Open up.
What? The trunk.
You might as well get your keys, and I'll help you out with the spare.
Isn't that ridiculous! What? My spare no air.
It's useless.
I've been meaning to get it filled, but you know how it is.
Well, why don't I call a tow truck? They'll bring out a pump.
Oh, yeah.
That's great.
Thanks a lot.
Good night now.
Good evening, Mr.
Markham.
Bo Williamson? Ahead of me all the way, weren't you? Well, I kinda had a hunch.
You see, you kept trying to finesse me into digging up that pile.
And I had to ask myself why.
I mean, you're not a dumb man, Mr.
Markham.
You wouldn't lead me right to the body.
Then why did you dug it up? I had to play along, didn't I? You see, I figured you had the body somewhere.
But what you really wanted was a fool proof hiding place.
Now what's better than a place that's already been searched at considerable cost and my embarrassment.
Officer.
No, no.
Don't bother.
You will admit it was a clever idea.
Oh, yeah.
It was perfect.
Who would look in the same place twice? I should have left it where it was.
Mr.
Markham, curious about that.
Where was it? It was in the equipment shed at his stables.
You never can be sure about those things.
You know, bodies have a funny way of surfacing.
No, this was brilliant.
Eventually you would've had a whole building over the grave.
Yes, brilliant.
It was just that music thing that bothered me.
Carnegie Hall and Nashville, they don't mix.
No, no they don't.