Columbo (1971) s10e04 Episode Script

Death Hits the Jackpot

- You weren't supposed to keep a key.
- Do you have insurance? That was something we agreed to, Freddie.
- That I don't keep a key to my house? - You don't live here any more.
Let's just get this over with.
I don't have a lot of time.
Freddie, what was so important it couldn't wait? Nance, we got a lot of things to discuss.
My lawyer sent the final decree over a month ago and you haven't signed it yet.
- I'd like to know why.
- I have got a date and I'm not ready.
I regret that I ever agreed to this.
- What? The divorce? - No.
Just come back another time.
No, Nance.
I'm here.
We're gonna talk.
I thought you wanted to get this over with.
I do.
I just don't understand why it has to be now, this minute.
So, what time is the "date"? - Do you mind if I finish my hair? - Go ahead.
- Thank you! - You're welcome.
I haven't signed because we agreed on something that's not in the papers.
Can you hear me? - Freddie, can you hear me? - Loud and clear.
Why did you renege? We agreed you had to pay your debt.
What? - You mean our debt.
- No, I mean your debt.
You borrowed that money, not me.
I mean, you just had to have all that equipment.
- Wow.
- We have discussed this and you agreed.
I think "Great.
Well, now it's final.
" But then you change your mind.
I mean, how many times do we have to go over the same thing? Huh! It never fails - just when I'm ready to go out, something comes up.
- Huh! - I hate being rushed.
- Hey.
Five bucks.
- Did you say something? This isn't just me talking, but my lawyer.
That debt was acquired by you on your own as an individual Yeah, all me.
Jeez! Prior to our marriage.
- Yeah, by about six weeks.
- What? Five.
Oh, my God.
Freddie, I can't hear you if you don't speak up.
- Freddie! - Come on, 11.
Come on, 11.
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on, 11.
Come on.
Please, please.
Come on, come on.
Give me 11, give me 11, give me 11.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Yes! Freddie? - Lottery? - Mm-hm.
- How did you do? - Not bad.
Picked three, won five bucks.
- Do you play? - No.
You know, I think your hair looks nice that way.
It's one thing to split assets fifty-fifty, but I don't think I should be asked to go fifty-fifty on your debt.
- That's not the way I see it.
- That's obvious.
This money I borrowed, the debt we're talking about, was so I could set up a photography business the same business we lived on for three years.
You know, it's the same business that I still break my back trying to run, that allows me to pay you money every month while we argue over this silly divorce that you wanted.
It's the same business that bought this house and your robe and this furniture, and probably even these ridiculous slippers.
- Freddie.
- No.
Here's the thing If you don't see it that way, that's fine.
I'll spend as much on fees trying to collect from you as if I assumed your half of the debt.
So it's over, OK? OK.
Divorce granted.
I'll change the papers.
Good night, good luck, have a nice date, have a nice life.
Freddie? Oh, God! Oh, God! God! Yeah! Here.
Hold it.
That's it.
Touch it.
Feel it.
Feel the history.
From the year 1674 from mother Russia.
A gift to the tsarina at sweet 16 from her father.
A total of 18 carats of emeralds.
The setting is platinum, of course.
The artistry is magnificent.
You can see that.
The craftsman must have been an inspired man.
Certainly a God-gifted one.
Mrs Weatherford, Mr Weatherford, this is more than a unique piece of jewellery.
It takes my breath away, Mr Lamarr.
Your breath and the grandchildren's education.
Our grandchildren have parents, darling, thank the good Lord.
And all of them gainfully employed the last time I looked.
It's a real nice piece, Lamarr.
Let us think about it.
As you wish.
The education of his grandchildren? Doesn't that fathead realise he'd be buying an investment? What does he think this is? A fish market? Am I losing my touch or is it just this damn recession? The information from your broker is in.
Do you want to see it? Do I want to see it? Ha! Yeah, I wanna see it.
The broker's secretary said to tell you that he'll be in his office.
I'm dead broke.
I'm broke.
- God.
- Uncle Leon.
- I got a problem.
- Oh.
I got a big problem.
You're the only person I've ever been able to turn to, to trust.
You know that.
Tell me one of your problems, I'll tell you one of mine.
If anyone's left standing, they'll win a prize.
- OK.
Can I start? - Go.
Um, I just won $30 million on the lottery.
Yes, I can see how that could be a problem for you, Freddie.
- No, I'm serious.
- I'm sure.
Uncle Leon, look at me.
I'm serious.
As God is my witness, I just won Wednesday night's lottery.
The jackpot was $30 million.
No one else has the winning numbers.
The whole thing is mine.
Every penny, every cent - mine.
I got proof.
- Well? - 30 million.
Uh, 30, 435, 885, to be exact.
Doggone, this is amazing.
I find it hard to grasp.
You're telling me.
$30 million, all going to my little nephew Freddie Brewer.
My favourite nephew! I know that for a fact, Uncle Leon.
No arguments there.
Well, Freddie, my boy.
For once in my life, I find myself at a loss for words.
You don't have to say anything, Uncle Leon.
I know how you feel.
You said you had a little problem here.
You were kidding me, weren't you? No, sir.
I got a little $15-million problem.
- You've lost me now.
- Nancy.
- What's she got to do with it? I thought - We're not divorced yet.
What I didn't say is if I go down there to collect the $30 million, the next thing you know, half of it's going in Nancy's bank account.
Would you agree I have a little problem? Let's take a walk, Freddie.
I'll think better in the fresh air.
Tell me, Freddie, who else have you told about your windfall? - Nobody.
- Nobody at all? Nobody.
Look, I've been walking around in a daze since Wednesday night.
I don't know if I've eaten or slept, but I know I haven't told anybody anything.
That's very good.
Good, Freddie.
Very good.
- Why? What are you thinking about? - A switch.
- A switch? - Substitution.
- What do you mean? - It's not exactly legal, I'm afraid.
We'd both be running a little risk, but I think it's the only possible solution.
- Let's hear it.
- I cash in the ticket.
- You? - Just as if I bought it.
I get the 30 million.
- And then? - And then I give the money to you.
We can do that? I mean, that that would work? - Why not? - I don't know.
I I I guess it would.
Wouldn't it? It's not really that complicated, Freddie.
You give me the ticket, I cash it in, the lottery people give me the money and I give it to you.
And Nancy never has to know.
- Bingo.
- All right.
This is good.
I like it.
Would you rather have the money while you're young and you can get all the pleasure out of it? - Yes.
- Or would you rather have it dribbled out? No, I would like it right now.
I'd like it right here in my hand.
That's your prerogative.
It's your money.
You can do whatever you please with it.
As a matter of fact, I know some people who might be interested in a transaction like this.
Of course, it could take a little time.
I could broker the deal myself, you know? Get a few dollars for my trouble.
I'll take care of you, Uncle Leon.
That's very generous of you, but I But nothing.
And I don't want to hear any more about that, OK? As you wish.
Many thanks.
- Forget it.
- OK.
- Do you really think this will work? - I do.
- Are you sure? - I am.
Uh, I think, though, that maybe we should have something in writing.
I mean, kind of an informal agreement about what we're doing in case Old Uncle Leon ups and drops dead clutching the winning ticket in his rigor mortis hand? - Uncle Leon.
I - Course I'm going to give you a letter.
What did you think? I wouldn't do this unless you have a written agreement.
Now then, I gotta know all the details in case they ask me some questions.
Well, how could I answer? Like, uh, where'd you buy the ticket? What day? What time? # I'm in the money Great show for you tonight.
And I can't wait to meet my special guest.
The only holder of the $30-million lottery ticket.
The only one! Do you realise what that means? He doesn't have to share the money with anybody.
Except maybe his wife, unless he wants to sleep in the bathtub tonight.
Wow! OK.
It's time for a few requests.
Impersonations of Hollywood celebrities.
Freddie? Freddie! Freddie! Freddie, did you know your uncle's on television? - Oh, that's the show.
- Oh, yeah.
I was sort of watching it.
- Is that champagne you're drinking? - Uh Don't get up.
I know where you keep the glasses.
- Trish, the door.
- Freddie! Your uncle is on the tube! - Champagne! - Oh, great! Everybody, there's a party at Freddie's place! Oh, man.
Freddie's uncle just won $30 million.
Hey, Freddie, introduce me to your uncle, OK? - What would he want to meet you for? - Freddie.
Way to go.
- I'll get the glasses.
- McGinty, can you control your creature? - Oh, relax, Freddie.
- He's cute.
- Those are my photographs.
- What's the matter? Let him hang out.
He's having a good time.
He's not bothering anybody.
- Right? - Yeah, sure.
Quello lì ha un naso come un carciofo.
- What did she say? - You got a nose like an artichoke.
- I love an old lady who speaks her mind.
- I'd love some champagne.
Freddie, do we have a problem here? Uh, I think I might have one more bottle.
Hey, the MC finished his monologue.
- He's applauding himself.
- Hurry, Freddie! Your uncle's already loaded, isn't he? Ha! The rich get richer.
You should've won, Freddie.
You could use it.
- Well, that's life.
- Yeah, being broke.
Can you imagine? To win 30 million dollars! I can imagine spending it.
- What's your uncle like? - My uncle is a great guy.
Yeah, well, let's hope he's a great guy to everybody.
- Let's see how great a guy he is.
- Absolutely.
Bring him down.
We love you, Lamarr! Freddie, aren't you just a wee bit envious of your uncle? I have my art.
What would I do with all that money? Ladies and gentlemen, here is the moment we have all been waiting for.
I don't know about you, folks, but that's the biggest cheque I've ever seen.
And it all belongs to Leon Lamarr! - Leon.
Whoo! - Here he comes.
There he is.
- All right! - A lot to smile about.
To Leon, the greatest uncle a guy ever had.
To Leon! Way to go, huh? Your daughter wants to know if she can buy the sports car she pointed out to you.
- The red one? - She didn't mention the colour.
Well, you tell her if it's the red one it's all right.
The Society for Homeless Pets would like to honour you.
- A group called Geese for Lithuania - Geese? - Maybe they meant "Peace".
- Pass.
- Freddie Brewer called.
- What did he want? - Well, he swore it wasn't money.
- Bless his heart.
He'd be the first today.
He said he had something to talk about not an investment opportunity, not a charity and could you meet with him this afternoon? That's impossible.
I'll call him on the way home.
All right.
The Reverend Hut Sun Kim Pass.
- Hello? - Freddie.
- Hey, Unc.
How are you doing? - Just fine, Freddie.
How are you? Uh, well, to tell you the truth, I'm I'm going a little crazy these days.
- How so, boy? - What? Are you kidding? I'm waiting to get the better part of $30 million, and in the meantime I borrow money to pay the rent.
You think that's easy? Uh, so, what's what's the good word? - What's our time frame look like? - Probably a couple more weeks, Freddie.
Two more weeks? You didn't think they were going to let me cash in that great big cardboard cheque? Seriously, Freddie, if you hadn't wanted me to make the cash-now deal I I know, I know, I know.
But I made the contact.
The deal is in the works.
Listen, old son.
You're going to have to dig down and find a little more patience.
In two more weeks, Freddie, you're going to be a millionaire, boy, many times over.
- You just think about that.
- I am, Uncle Leon.
I am.
You better believe I think about that every minute of every hour of every day.
Oh, Lord, have I been busy today! You have no idea, Leon.
Community meetings and charity benefits, political fundraising.
It isn't as though that I wasn't active before we won the $30 million.
And, darling, don't you find it surprising that we have suddenly gained a very large number of new and wonderfully close friends? Remarkably surprising, but I've got an idea on that regard.
- I am all ears.
- Not all, sweetie.
- How about a party? - Oh! Wonderful! I love parties! To celebrate our new-found wealth and delightful new friends.
- Perfect.
When shall we do it? - What about Halloween, huh? A costume party.
What do you think? Stunning idea.
Oh, we shall have such fun.
Should we have a theme? How about come dressed as your favourite millionaire? Other than yourself.
I love it.
Oh! Halloween.
Oh, my dear, that's only two weeks from now.
I have really got to get myself going.
Let's see.
The invitation list, the parking, the caterers Oh, sir.
I am positively overwhelmed with your presence.
Enjoy your bath, baby.
You got plenty of time.
It all looks fabulous.
Merci beaucoup.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, sir.
Another candelabra in here.
Oh, my.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
All right.
Oh! Sugar, thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
- That is splendid.
- Come on.
Hurry up, Wendy.
- OK, I'm coming.
- Long time, no see, Uncle Leon.
- How are you doing, boy? Anybody here? No.
Come on in.
Hey, you look beautiful, man.
- What are you? A doorman? - Oh, hell, I'm King George.
So, where's the money? Ha.
I thought a toast would be in order, Your Lordship.
- Ain't that the truth! - Hey, who is this? - Oh, that's Joe.
- How are you doing, Joe? I'm chimp-sitting for a friend who's on vacation.
So, uh, where's the money? It's downstairs, locked in the trunk of my car.
- You're kidding? - My German shepherd's in the back seat.
That's good.
Do you know long it took me to count that money, boy? Bet it wasn't fast.
Well, now if you don't mind, sir, I'd like to have that letter of agreement back.
- The what? - That letter we both signed.
Your insurance telling what we were going to do with your ticket.
- Oh, that.
- Yes, that.
- That's under the mattress.
- That's a good choice.
Now, would you like me to open this bottle for you? You bet.
I'll get the glasses.
Everything looks splendid.
Ah! You're the most beautiful queen of my heart.
Come here.
This is my wife.
Good evening.
It is my pleasure.
Oh, sweetie, thank you.
I'm glad you could come.
Your Excellency, I'm honoured.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Hello? Yes, just one minute.
Mr Lamarr.
It's your nephew, sir.
Oh, Leon, hurry back.
Pearl Maister, I do believe Yes, Freddie.
Anything the matter? Oh, that's fine.
Ten o'clock's fine.
We'll barely be getting started then.
You bet.
Well, hurry up now.
I love you, Leon.
I love you so much.
- Hi, Leon.
- Hi.
It's Freddie.
He's going to be late, honey.
I mean, that's a a frightening thing.
But you're going to be OK.
You're going to be just fine.
Just take it easy and relax.
That's right, that's good.
You have such a wonderful, natural way with wild animals, Lieutenant.
It's a very unusual and attractive quality in a man.
I wouldn't call this guy exactly a wild animal.
Well, I meant not a purely domesticated creature like a dog or a cat.
- I like animals.
- As do I.
We have that in common.
Which is why when I heard poor little Joey here crying so pathetically I just had to try to do something.
- You would have done as much, I'm sure.
- Oh, I hope so, ma'am.
So that's when you came down and knocked? But the only response I got was from little Joey here.
That's when you called the police.
Is that right, ma'am? Trish.
I think it was just about 8:30.
Well, thank you, ma'am.
I live just downstairs, Lieutenant.
I'm a poet.
- A poet? - Mm-hm.
- Oh.
- And a potter.
And a potter.
Well, um, I'm going to have to check something out with the boys so, uh - Oh, certainly.
- Do you think that you could? Oh, here.
Of course.
He took my badge.
Joey! He lifted that badge and I never felt it.
You could be a real menace on the streets, baby.
If I can be of any further help, Lieutenant - Oh, thank you very much, ma'am.
- Trish.
- He drowned in the tub? - Taking a bath, slipped.
- Hit his head.
- Yeah, it happens all the time.
Taking a bath.
Well, there's the soap.
What's this? Bath oil.
All right.
- No, um back brush? - No.
You guys use a back brush? - No.
- No.
You don't know what you're missing.
Uh, well, there's his pants and his shoes.
- No socks? - Hamper.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, good.
- Bath oil.
- Right.
- We're thinking that's how he bought it.
- He wouldn't be the first.
- Oil clings to porcelain, victim climbs in - Or out.
Foot slips out from under him and, wham, down and out.
- Oh, look at this.
- You got something there, Lieutenant? "Skin conditioner.
Best used after the bath.
" They may be right, but not according to this guy.
You know, the washcloth was bone dry.
We figure he slipped reaching for the cloth, dropped it as he fell backwards.
Well, could be.
But then he would be getting in.
Oh, look at that watch.
Medical examiner will probably be able to confirm the time of death around there.
Just want to check.
Well, what do you know about that? OK.
Bag that and get it down to the lab immediately.
No problem, Lieutenant.
Turns out this guy is in the middle of a divorce.
- Is that so? - Wife's name is Nancy Ellen Brewer.
Her address and phone number, his lawyer, her lawyer.
Last year's tax return doesn't look too nasty, but you can't believe lawyers' letters.
No, you can't.
Oh, and the phone company called with your information.
Brewer's last call was made at 8:01 tonight.
three minutes before he, uh - Yeah.
Makes you think, doesn't it? - Yes, it does.
Here one minute and gone the next.
Call went to a guy by the name of Leon Lamarr, Beverly Hills.
Call was under a minute.
Here's his address and his phone number.
- Look.
- Oh, yes.
Oh, and Colonel Sanders! John, is that the chicken? I haven't the foggiest idea.
Who am I? I forget.
Oh, now, that's imaginative.
Oh, that's particularly good.
Bravo, sir, bravo! - Who's he supposed to be? - An eccentric millionaire, silly.
It was a perfect condo with a beautiful view, and Saint Peter said to this old couple: "It's yours for eternity, rent-free.
" Well, the wife was deliriously happy.
But her husband groaned and made a terrible face.
She said to him, "Elmo, sweetie, don't you like heaven?" "Like it?" he said.
"Hell, I love it.
" "If it hadn't been for you and that oat bran, we could've been here ten years ago.
" - Cute.
- That's the only clean one I know.
Oh, look at that unusual costume, Leon.
That's Mr Lamarr in the King George costume.
Isn't he clever? He's certainly unique.
Excuse me, sir.
I understand that you're the host of this party? Leon Lamarr.
I don't believe I know you, sir.
No, sir.
No, you don't.
I'm, uh I'm with the police, sir.
That's not for real, is it? It looks real.
It's for real, sir.
That's me right there.
Lieutenant Columbo.
I'm with the LAPD.
- Have we been getting too rowdy here? - Oh, no.
No, no.
No, sir, no.
I wonder, could we find a place a little bit more private? Sure.
What's on your mind? Not serious, is it, Lieutenant? Sir, did you receive a telephone call this evening from a man named Fred Brewer? - Freddie? My nephew.
- Is he your nephew, sir? Yeah.
Why? Has something happened? What time was that call? Around eight o'clock? - Yeah, about that.
- And what was the purpose of the call? He called to ask whether he could be late.
I said, "Fine.
Hurry up.
" Oh, he was coming here, sir? Tonight? Yes, he was invited.
What is this? Was there an accident? Uh, it would appear that way, sir, yes.
What do you mean "appear"? What happened? - Well, I'm afraid it's very bad news, sir.
- What? Your nephew is dead.
I'm very sorry.
Oh, my God.
I No, I just spoke to him.
Well, how did it happen? Was it a car accident? Had he been drinking? Was that it? No, sir, no.
It was an accident in his home in the studio.
Apparently he was taking a bath and he slipped and he fell and hit his head.
He drowned, sir.
Oh, dear God.
I can't believe this.
Freddie was my favourite nephew.
He was more than that.
He was like a son to us.
Freddie, dead? How am I going to tell Martha? I just Freddie He was my brother Laurence's son.
His only child.
Laurence and his wife Betty - that's Freddie's momma were killed in a plane crash when he was just a kid.
He was 13 or 14.
Poor little tyke.
He just fell apart.
Martha and I tried to step in.
We we tried.
God, what a tragedy.
- Does Nancy know? - Would that be his wife, sir? - Ex-wife.
- Uh, no, sir, no.
She doesn't know yet.
Maybe I should tell her.
I think it probably would be better for us to do that, sir.
Yeah, you're right.
She probably won't even shed a tear.
It was a terrible marriage.
God knows whose fault it was.
Oh, Freddie.
Poor, innocent, irresponsible, wonderful Freddie.
I'm very sorry, sir, to have had to bring you this very sad news.
I can find my way out.
- Lieutenant Columbo? - Uh Oh, Mrs Brewer? - Yes.
You've come about Freddie.
- Uh, yes, ma'am.
I heard late last night.
One of the tenants in the building contacted a mutual friend who was vacationing in Cancún - Meyer McGinty.
Oh, and he's the gentleman that owns the chimp? Yes.
And Meyer called me.
I see.
Um Ma'am, can you tell me, um what do you get for a nightgown like this here? $425.
Well, I don't think that she'll be able to sleep in anything that expensive.
- She? - Uh, my wife.
We're going to celebrate our 25th anniversary.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
I was thinking along the lines of lingerie, you know? Something that she wouldn't ordinarily buy for herself.
- I know exactly what you mean.
- Uh, so it's 425? - Mm-hm.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
All right.
Well, I'll think about that.
- This here is, uh On the outside? - Mm-hm.
It's it's a robe.
- A robe? - Well, it's actually more of a peignoir.
And, uh Oh, and this is the pyjamas here.
- That's right.
- Uh-huh.
Well, I'll think about that.
And I'm sorry I got sidetracked here because I know this is a bad time for you, ma'am, and I'm sensitive to that and, uh Lieutenant, I think that you should know, Freddie and I had been on the skids for a long time and we were never exactly Romeo and Juliet to begin with, so I can't honestly say I feel a great loss.
Does that make me sound cold? I'm sorry if it does.
I'm not really a cold person.
When was the last time you saw your husband, ma'am? Let me think.
Uh, about a month ago, I believe.
He came over to argue some legal point in our divorce papers and then left.
I can't remember if we accomplished anything.
That was the last time that you saw him or spoke to him? Yes.
- Do you know what I'm thinking? - What is that, ma'am? If I'm not mistaken, Sterling? Oh, that's silver.
- Yes.
- Oh, I never checked on that.
- Well, I'm almost positive.
- Silver? Well, maybe I should change my plans, throw the lingerie out.
Well, you could always do both.
Silver and silk go rather nicely together, don't you think? Oh, both.
- 200 for the bracelet.
- Yeah? - Plus tax.
- Uh-huh.
All right, keep moving.
Don't block the sidewalk.
Thank you.
Keep moving.
Bucks for ducks.
Donate a buck, save a duck.
Save the environment.
Bucks for ducks.
- What's going on? - Move along.
Keep this pavement clear.
- He's OK, he's with us.
- Yeah.
What's going on here? It's about a little ticket worth $ 30 million.
I'll be a son of a gun.
That's why he seemed so familiar.
I kept asking myself, "Where have I seen him before?" Lamarr.
Leon Lamarr.
I saw the guy get the cheque on TV.
Well, it had to be the costume, cos I'm talking to him and I don't know he won the $30 million.
I don't recognise him.
I gotta tell my wife about this.
- Mr Lamarr? Give me that hand.
- Oh, Lieutenant.
I want to shake the hand that picked the $30-million ticket.
- Well, thank you.
- How does it feel? - Great.
Just great.
- I bet.
Where were you when you heard? - I was at home.
- You were watching on the TV? The TV was on, but I wasn't watching it.
- No? Really? - No.
I was going over my bank statement.
I wasn't paying attention.
I looked up when they called the number and I said: "Golly.
What is? The number" So you didn't see those balls with numbers on 'em? - I never saw them.
- You didn't see them.
They called the number and I looked at my ticket.
Sure enough - It was you.
- It was me.
- So what did you do? What did you say? - I just sat there.
I was stunned.
I mean, Nan and I started yelling.
- Yeah.
So what did you say? - Well, I"Honey! Honey!" That's my wife.
I just"I won! I won!" I just ran out.
I was yelling.
But she wasn't there.
- No? - No.
My son was there.
I said "Hell!" We kissed each other, hugged, cried a bit.
I said, "Sonny, your daddy is the luckiest man in the world.
" Well, I could second that, believe me.
That's a hell of a story, believe me.
Listen, the reason I came here to see you was I wanted to ask you about a watch.
Oh, right.
Any particular watch? Uh, your nephew's watch, sir.
Freddie's? Yes, it was a Le Sur.
That's a good choice.
Right here.
- Oh, yeah.
There it is.
- That's it.
The exact one.
- That looks like the exact same one.
- It is.
That's a Le Sur 2600.
You considering one of these yourself? No, sir.
I'm afraid that's too much watch for me to handle.
But your nephew, when he had his accident, he was wearing his.
Here, let me show you.
It'll just take a minute, sir.
You see, sir? You see how that crystal there is broken? Apparently when he fell.
- And the watch stopped working.
- I suppose it could happen that way.
It's waterproof, but not if the crystal is compromised.
I'm afraid, sir, my problem is not that the watch stopped working, but why he was wearing it.
- What do you mean by that? - Your nephew's watch is a counterfeit.
- Huh! That's impossible.
- Well, I'm afraid it's a fact, sir.
See, I looked on the other side and there's no serial number there.
- Yes? - You see, sir? - Yeah.
I see that.
- Not like on this.
And all these watches here, they got serial numbers.
Quality watches, they have serial numbers.
- Absolutely.
- But there was none on your nephew's.
So I sent it to the lab and they come back with a report.
It's worth about $100.
That baffles the hell out of me.
I Must be a mistake.
- Oh, I'm afraid not, sir.
- You're not hearing me, Lieutenant.
I gave that watch to my nephew as a gift.
I gave it to Freddie.
He'd always wanted one, but he'd never been able to afford it.
You see, it retails at nearly $3,000.
And I gave it to him nearly a year ago on his 35th birthday.
Are you suggesting that what I really gave my nephew was a $100 knockoff? - No, sir.
Nothing like that.
- Well, what are you driving at? Isn't it possible that he needed money and some time during the year, he sold it? Freddie always needed money.
Isn't it reasonable to think that - feeling about you the way I know that he did that he wouldn't want you to know that he sold it? Yeah.
He could've bought a counterfeit cos he knew probably I'd never see the back of the case and never suspect it was not the original.
- Yes, sir.
- It could've happened that way.
I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
I was curt to you.
I apologise.
No harm done, sir.
- But getting back to my question - Please.
Yes, sir.
Now, we know this was a fake Le Sur, we established that.
Now, my question is this.
Since it was a fake, and since a fake is not waterproof, wouldn't you think Freddie would know not to wear it in the bathtub? Mr Lamarr? You don't want to be late for your luncheon appointment.
Excuse me.
Is it possible Freddie planned to take off the watch and fell before he could? Well, I suppose it's possible, but Let me ask you a question, Lieutenant.
Had he been drinking? I mean, it's no secret he had a little problem in that area.
According to the medical examiner's report, he'd been drinking heavily.
Booze could explain it.
It might explain why a man forgets to take off his watch.
It might also explain why a grown man slips and falls and drowns in his own bathtub.
- Uh, yes, sir.
It might.
- I think it would.
- Thank you for the time, sir.
- With pleasure.
Mr Lamarr! Don't spend it all in one place.
Funny man.
- God, I missed you.
- Yeah.
- I need you so bad.
- Me too.
- Do I have to go to the funeral? - Whatever you want, my darling.
- A detective came by today.
- Yeah.
He won't be back.
He was cute.
I kinda liked him.
I bet he liked you, too.
He's having his 25th anniversary.
I told him it was sterling.
If he comes by, sell him something expensive.
We need the money.
- You're the devil in disguise.
- It takes one to know one.
Uncle Leon.
There are no roses now.
They are gone with the sun.
No twinkle of fireflies to signal day is done.
Come, mourn the end of love extinguished with a light.
Awake from the ruined dream into never-ending night.
Povero Freddie.
Che bel suono hanno quelle parole.
O heavenly father, we are gathered at this final resting place.
We share the sorrow, grief and the memories to bid farewell to one of your children, in so far as we are all your children.
We share the sorrow of his unexpected departure and the fond memories of his brief time amongst us.
Our grief is tempered with the firm belief Nancy has a nerve being here after the way she treated poor Freddie.
I'm sure it can't be easy for her either.
I presume that she's the uncle's wife.
She's a wonderful person.
- Whose side are you on? - I'm not on anybody's side.
We humbly seek your blessing and your everlasting mercy.
- Amen.
- Amen.
Would Freddie's friends or relatives like to share some memories? - I'd like to say a few words.
- Certainly.
I'm Leon Lamarr, Freddie's uncle.
Freddie was more than a nephew to us.
My wife Martha and I practically raised that boy.
It's impossible for me to believe that I'm standing here and Freddie's in this box.
I just remember all the baseball games we shared together.
How excited Freddie would get when the Dodgers started to win.
How he always laughed at my naughty jokes.
I guess that's what they call today "male bonding".
But Freddie and me, we called it being buddies.
Good buddies.
So long, old buddy.
Oh, Mr Lamarr? I believe they wish to be alone with their grief.
Now, unless someone else would like to share their memories of Freddie, the service is concluded.
Thank you all for coming.
Excuse me.
Uh, sir.
Maybe he's a friend of Freddie.
Excuse me.
I'm from the Los Angeles Police Department.
- How do you do, sir? - How do you do? Si.
And you, sir, I'm assuming that you're a friend of Freddie's, and I just want to ask you one quick question.
Did he ever mention to you his intention of buying a car like this? No.
No, no, no.
That's not possible, believe me.
He don't have the money for rent.
That's what everybody tells me.
Thank you for your time.
- You're welcome.
- My pleasure to meet you.
L'onore è nostro.
It makes no difference if he's married.
He don't want to meet your niece.
- She's 58 with piano legs.
- Oh, che vuol dire? Come sarebbe contenta se ce la sposasse.
Oh, it's a breathtaking car.
As you can see, it's a most unique automobile.
It shouldn't jam up like that when it's sunny.
I wanted to ask you, sir, um Gee, I hope I didn't lose that thing.
Uh, I'm sure I Oh, here it is.
Um, I wanted to ask you about this car.
Sorry, but we don't take trade-ins.
- Could we step inside? - Do you have an appointment? Appointment? I don't think that, uh I need an appointment.
# Where have all the flowers gone? # Long time passing # Where have all the flowers gone? # Long time ago # Where have all the flowers gone? # Young girls have picked them, every one # Oh, when will they ever learn? # Oh, when will they ever learn? # Where have all the young girls gone? # Long time passing McGinty.
# Where have all the young girls gone? # Long time ago # Where have all the young girls gone? II poliziotto.
# Oh, when will they ever learn? Hey, that cop is here.
- What cop? - The lieutenant.
He's in the closet.
- In the closet? - Yes.
Lieutenant? Oh.
Hi, everybody.
I didn't mean to intrude.
I I just didn't know everybody was gathered here.
Oh, no.
It was just sort of spontaneous.
We all just drifted up here and started sharing memories.
- Can I help you with something? - No, I'm fine, ma'am.
- Are you looking for something? - No, just a couple of loose ends.
Listen, by the way, you might be interested.
Freddie was really going to buy that $175,000 car.
- That's not possible.
- Freddie couldn't afford the parking.
It's really true.
I just spoke to the salesman.
He picked out the colour.
- Where did he get that kind of money? - Maybe from a rich uncle.
The lottery winner.
How can life be so cruel? Just when he's about to have a terrific car, he gets zapped just like that.
Isn't that the way it always is? - Freddie was a beer drinker, wasn't he? - Oh, yes.
He loved to drink beer.
He loved it too much, if you want the truth.
Yeah, a six-pack a day.
That was Freddie's way.
Then how come he bought a case of champagne? - That must have cost him $700-800.
- A case? How do you like that? He was holding out on us.
He only bring out two bottles.
I remember.
And he sure was slow about that.
Stop talking like he's a Scrooge.
- Let's take a group picture.
- We need a camera.
This is Freddie's and it's got film in it.
The Italian policeman don't steal no picture.
Mamma, behave yourself or no Jay Leno tonight, eh? Andiamo.
Oh, Lieutenant, will you take a picture? - All right.
- It's Freddie's camera and it's a good one.
All right.
Here we go.
- Lieutenant.
We're ready.
- Take the shot.
- What's he doing now? - OK.
The moment is now.
- What's wrong with him? - What's the problem? OK, everybody, here we go! Cheese on three.
One, two Cheese! I don't like those earrings all bunched together like that.
It's tacky.
- Yes, sir.
I'll take care of them.
- Otherwise, everything's about perfect.
Hey! Get out of there! I can't hear you.
I can't hear.
I don't know what you're saying.
What the hell was that all about? No, no.
I mean, spread them all over the case.
All right.
Excuse me.
I'm pressed for time.
I got an appointment at the vet's.
I just wanted to know whether or not that charm bracelet - Is that sterling? - Are you interested in sterling? They told me the traditional gift for the I don't know if the proper gift for the lady that you've shared 25 years with is a metal worth only $4 an ounce.
How many ounces are we talking about? Come here.
Let me show you something beautiful.
No, sir.
Thank you, but I'm really pressed for time.
- All right.
- Although, gee, if we made it fast Pull this one out right here.
I do have a question about your nephew.
I'll be quick, sir.
It's not a big thing.
I looked through your nephew's telephone bills and was curious about something.
Last month he made 11 calls to your shop here in Beverly Hills, but on the previous month he only made one.
Can you account for that? Well, Freddie's behaviour is not that complicated.
When he didn't call me it was because he was making ends meet.
And when he did it's because he needed money.
- That's why he made all those calls, sir? - Yes, sir.
- He needed money? - Yes.
- Well, that don't add up.
- You got a problem with that? Yeah, something's missing here cos on the 20th, the day he called you for money, that boy went out and he ordered a $175,000 automobile.
- What? Who told you that? - The salesman, sir.
Oh, yeah.
He'd selected the colour and was going to have it delivered in Europe.
- In Switzerland, in Bern.
- Huh.
Don't pay any mind to that.
That sounds like Freddie.
It sure does.
He could do that.
That kid was in the clouds.
- It was all fantasy.
- You mean, he would make things up? Make 'em up? He told me he was going on tour with Madonna as her photographer.
- It wasn't true? - Made it up.
- No kidding? - Ask Madonna.
Well, I'll be a son of a gun.
So this whole thing about the automobile, that was all in his mind? Let me tell you the kind of thing he'd do.
He'd rent a Rolls-Royce for the day, see? So he could go and look at houses for sale and These are $4-million houses.
He'd have people walking through the rooms taking pictures, ask questions.
He wanted to know if there was room to build a tennis court.
- No kidding? And he had no money? - Not after he rented that Rolls.
He was broke.
And it's sad, cos Freddie was a talented boy.
- But he was mixed up.
- Yeah, he sounds mixed up.
Well, listen, thank you very much for this information.
I'm going to run along.
Do you remember the name of the real-estate agent that showed him those houses? It was Mary Sedge or something.
She's in Beverly Hills.
- I'll think of it.
I'll give you a call.
- Much obliged, sir.
Uh, Mr Lamarr, wonderful things you said at the funeral.
Very touching.
- Thank you.
- Oh, one more thing.
Uh I'm going to have to make this fast, sir.
Freddie bought a case of champagne.
It was on the same day he made the call to you.
Would he do that? Would he spend $520 on a case of champagne and on the same day call you up for a loan? Well, that surprises me.
But I suppose he could have, being Freddie.
Cos this wasn't a fantasy, sir.
I mean, he actually bought the case of champagne.
Yes, I hear you, sir.
I just wish I hadn't.
Well, I appreciate that, sir.
Once again, thank you for the time.
I'm sorry.
Just one more thing.
You said your nephew was coming to your party? - Yes, sir.
- And he called to say he would be late? - That's right.
- It was a costume party? Sure.
You were there.
- Had you told your nephew that? - Say what? Did Mr Brewer know that your Halloween party was a costume party? - Oh, I'm sure he did.
Why? - Well, it's probably nothing, sir.
I'm just trying to understand why, if he was planning on coming to your party, why he didn't have a costume.
He didn't? In his studio, sir, on the night of his death, no costume.
- Are you sure? - Oh, quite sure, sir.
I even went back after the funeral and I searched again, and no costume.
Since it was Freddie, it doesn't surprise me.
See, costumes cost money and he was an imaginative boy.
I suppose he was going to wear some old clothes and come as an eccentric billionaire like Howard Hughes.
They say old Howard never wore anything fancy.
Everyone thought you were in costume and you were wearing your own clothes.
- That's a good point, sir.
- Yes, sir.
A damn good point.
And that would explain it.
Much obliged.
My pleasure.
What does a grateful woman buy a gracious jeweller for a gift? Anything in the store at half price.
My dear, I think this afternoon will have to hold us for a while.
You're not serious? Your cute busybody Lieutenant Columbo is still snooping around here and there looking for God knows what.
For a while, I suggest we try to keep our distance from one another.
Well, how long are you talking about? A day? A week? Longer? Long enough to come out of this alive and free.
Now, we've got to exercise discipline a little bit.
- Discipline? - Yeah.
You've got $24 million, Leon, after taxes.
Half is mine.
I want it.
All in good time.
Somehow, I don't think it'll look right for the widow's bank account to suddenly swell to 12 million.
Do you? In the meantime, I'm sure you know that your share is completely safe with me.
Come on.
Come on, now.
Good evening, ma'am.
Do you have a moment? - Can I get you something to drink? - No.
- Soda, mineral water? - No.
One quick question.
- Uh, do you want to sit down? - It's about your divorce.
Do you remember when we first met? It was in a lingerie shop.
You told me how for six months you've been going through a difficult divorce.
Because of that, you couldn't honestly say you were feeling a deep sense of loss over Freddie's passing, that you really wanted that marriage to be over.
- It was true.
- I don't doubt that.
That's what's bothering me.
- What? - Why didn't you sign the divorce decree? Honestly? - I didn't like the communal-debt clause.
- The communal-debt clause? But your husband's attorney told me that Mr Brewer signed and mailed a copy of the final decree on October 2, and he had eliminated the communal-debt clause.
And your attorney told me that you got a copy of that document on October 4, almost a month ago, and you never signed it.
I see.
Well, yes, I suppose that does need to be explained, doesn't it, Lieutenant? Have you ever gone through a divorce, Lieutenant? - Heaven forbid.
- Well, I hope for your sake you never do.
All that tough talk, Lieutenant, fades like a blush when all of a sudden the doorbell rings and somebody hands you this very imposing legal document called the "final decree".
And there's your soon-to-be ex-mate's signature already in place.
And the only thing that's missing, the only thing that keeps the door from closing on a chapter in your life which you personally, royally, played your part in blowing all to hell is your own John Hancock.
Well, let me tell you, Lieutenant, it gives one pause.
I didn't sign the final decree because I couldn't bring myself to admit that what was being granted was what I actually wanted.
It's funny how we often learn things about ourselves much too late to change them.
Oh, Freddie! Freddie.
- Hello? - Hello.
Are you insane? I asked you never to call me at home.
Now, you should direct this call to the office.
I'm still your ex-niece-in-law, Leon.
Speaking to each other isn't a criminal of fence.
What is so important you had to call me here? - Why are you listening to terrible music? - Come to the point.
Your friend the lieutenant called today.
- What about? - The final decree.
I don't understand.
What are you getting at? Freddie, the miserable, backstabbing louse, changed the divorce papers the way I wanted them and signed them the same day he won the lottery.
October 2.
They were sent to me two days later.
- Did you sign them? - I couldn't, Leon.
If I did, we'd be divorced and then he wouldn't have needed you, darling.
But what did you tell Columbo? I was brilliant, Leon.
Probably even better than you.
I told him that when I saw the final decree, I broke down.
I got all weepy and just couldn't bring myself to sign on that dotted line because, deep down inside, I was still in love with Freddie and didn't really want the marriage to end.
You think he bought that bowl of mush? I think I almost had him in tears.
He's coming up on his 25th anniversary.
- This is a man that understands love.
- Maybe.
But, Leon, couldn't I just have a couple of million? Night, hon.
# For he's a jolly good fellow # For he's a jolly good fellow # For he's a jolly good fellow # Which nobody can deny Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Been up to the river lately, Mr Lamarr? I've been trying to get up there to fish, but what's suffering is my golf game.
Happy birthday, Mr Lamarr.
Well, Lieutenant.
It's not my birthday.
This is an unexpected thank you from my staff, and I appreciate it.
This year we're going to have our Christmas bonus early.
You deserve it, and I'm proud to give it to you.
How often do you get to work for a $30-million lottery winner as nice as Mr Lamarr? - Thank you.
- This is for you, sir.
A souvenir.
Oh, thank you very much.
- That's the winning number.
- It's here on the cake, too.
Well, I got to tell you a story.
This is the damnedest thing that happened to me.
I'll never forget it as long as I live, and you're going to find it interesting.
I was over at Freddie's.
His friends were there having a wake.
And, uh Do you mind holding this, sir? They suddenly wanted to take a picture and they handed me Freddie's camera, and I'm fooling with this thing here and suddenly I couldn't believe it.
Sir, see if you see what I saw.
Do you see it, sir? No? Look in this area here.
No? Nothing? OK.
If you cover up these two and if you read from the right: "4, 5, 6, 8, 11, 16", the first six numbers, they're the winning lottery number.
That's right.
So? Well, you can imagine my shock when I looked down at Freddie's camera and I saw the winning lottery ticket.
I mean, it was like something that happened in a dream.
What is that? A coincidence? Is that what it was? It's not a coincidence because I gave this camera to Freddie years ago.
I taught him how to use it.
I make pretty damn good pictures myself.
I'll show you sometime.
These numbers are second nature to me Sir, what you said before, I believe that was right.
It was no coincidence.
We're closed, sir.
Come back another time.
Thank you.
Is Mrs Brewer still there? Somebody for you, sweetie, but you have time to duck out the back if you want.
- May I talk to you? It's very important.
- I'd better see what he wants.
- See you in the morning.
- OK.
Thank you.
I have some very unsettling news and I'm afraid I don't know any delicate way to approach it.
- What news, Lieutenant? - It's about your husband.
What is it, Lieutenant? I don't understand.
I mean, what could be worse than the news that he was dead? The fact that he was murdered.
Are you all right? Yes.
Would it be better if you sat down? No.
I'm I'm fine.
It's just such a shock hearing you say that.
I mean, Freddie, murdered? Why would anybody want to murder Freddie? That's a very interesting question, isn't it? We have $9,000.
Would someone offer $10,000? turn-of-the-century ruby brooch.
Will someone make it 11? Is 12 offered? No? Going once for 11, going twice And sold for $11,000.
The next item is number 19 in the catalogue.
An heirloom 40-carat diamond necklace of exceptional quality.
We shall entertain an opening bid of $300,000.
I have $300,000 on my right.
$300,000 is the bid.
I'm looking for 350.
I'm looking for 350.
Do I see 350? I have I'm looking for $400,000.
May I have $400,000? I have $400,000 on my right.
The bid is $400,000.
I'm looking for 450.
May I have a bid of 4 I have $450,000 from the gentleman in the raincoat.
You're not bidding, are you? He's not bidding.
- Were you bidding? - Bidding? - He wasn't bidding.
- Were you bidding? Bidding? No, I Please, sir.
You mustn't wave your catalogue.
Now, please, sit down.
- Ladies and gentlemen - I didn't know.
- Gee, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Shh.
And now to item number - How far am I going on this one? - Up to 800,000.
- I didn't know.
- It does create confusion.
Oh, I can see that.
That's why I don't go to these places.
My wife, she bid $80 for a footstool that was made out of coffee cans.
- Can you imagine that? - No, I can't.
She bids 500,000.
Do I hear 550? $650,000.
Silent bids, please, Mr Lamarr.
Does anyone care to respond? I'm looking for $700,000.
No? Going once, going twice Sold to Mr Leon Lamarr.
- Nicely done.
- Thank you, ma'am.
- Bravo.
- Very kind of you, sir.
Glad you got what you wanted.
- Is it important, what you came here for? - It's very important.
- Your office told me you were here.
- I'll have to thank 'em for that.
- They said I could have left a message - Right.
Well, sir, it was too, uh too personal.
- It has to do with your nephew.
- Mm-hm.
Sir, there's reason to believe that your nephew's death was not accidental.
- In fact, there is reason - Just a moment.
- Was I bidding on this? - No, sir.
This is 1469.
You said you were lukewarm on it.
Yeah, I remember.
Now, what was it that, uh You you were saying that it wasn't an accident? I don't think so, sir.
I think it was Do you want to know what I think? Hold your hat.
I think it was murder.
Murder? What the hell are you talking about, man? What in heavens name Come on.
Let's go.
And now item number 21 in your catalogue, the beautiful oriental jade pendant set in pure platinum with 22-carat gold filigree.
I'll entertain an opening bid of $100,000.
What are you saying? Who would want to murder Freddie? What did he ever do to anyone? You said he fell in his bathtub.
How does that turn into murder? - I don't think he slipped.
He was placed.
- What is that supposed to mean? Well, what it means is that whoever killed him, they first knocked him unconscious Detective Stroller, Mr Leon Lamarr.
- How do you do, sir? - How are you? I mean, whoever killed him knocked him unconscious, then they undressed him Jack, you don't have to stand there holding that.
Put it down there.
Whoever killed him, they knocked him unconscious, then they undressed him, then they dropped him into the tub.
How do you even come up with an idea like that? Do you have anything to substantiate it, to establish such a horror story? - You mean in a courtroom, sir? - No, I mean right here and now with me.
Where were you, sir, on the night that Freddie died? I don't know what this is leading to, but I don't like the sound of it.
- I would appreciate an answer.
- You know the answer.
Why ask? - I don't know the answer.
- Are you trying to irritate me? - No, no.
No, not at all.
- Cut the bull here! Please! Mr Lamarr, sir, on the night Freddie died, you were at your house.
- I know that, yes.
I saw you there.
- Exactly.
But that was after nine o'clock.
I don't know where you were at seven o'clock.
Oh, I I see, Lieutenant.
Well, any o'clock, I was home.
- Home all night? - The whole night.
- At your party, wearing a costume.
- You weren't.
- No, sir.
I was wearing my suit.
- People thought it was a costume.
Yes, sir.
That thing you were wearing, was that an English king, sir? It was King George.
You know that.
Don't you remember? Boston Tea Party.
Boston Tea Party.
Yeah, that rings a bell.
King George.
Yeah, I remember now.
King George.
Was this the costume you were wearing, sir? Is there any significance to these questions I'd appreciate it if you would identify it, sir.
Is this the actual jacket? Well, hell, I don't know.
Let's take a look.
Same material.
Yes, same colour.
- Size 44? - 44.
- Looks like it would fit.
- Yes.
That's the jacket, yes.
- And the pants, sir? - Yes.
The pants, yes.
And the socks? You couldn't be sure about socks.
- No.
- And the shoes? Couldn't be sure.
Couldn't be sure.
A bit like the socks.
And this thing here, sir.
Is this something you wear around your neck? That is a medallion and it is worn around a neck.
OK, sir.
We're almost finished.
I just gotta show you a couple of photographs that your nephew took.
You'd be surprised.
He's a good photographer.
I'm not surprised, sir.
I said he was talented.
Yes, sir.
Does anything strike you in these, sir? Well, there's a chimpanzee right there in all the photos.
- He's a friendly guy, isn't he? - Yes, sir.
He likes people.
Was this taken at Freddie's studio, do you think? Well, it's hard to tell.
There's no background and Well, in this one, the photos on the wall I'm not positive.
I'd say that's his studio.
- When was the last time you were there? - I don't remember.
- Now that is a lie.
- A what? Jack.
- You got it, Jack? - Got it.
That's a blow-up of a fingerprint that was made at Freddie's studio and I'm afraid, sir it places you there on the night of his death.
I'm afraid you're a fool.
I've been to Freddie's many times.
I'm not surprised you'd find my fingerprint.
But I am surprised you'd use that print to place me there the night of his death.
Where did you get that idea? About the fingerprint? That's not your fingerprint.
That's the chimp's.
And I didn't find that fingerprint on Freddie's doorknob, and I didn't find it on his refrigerator, and I didn't find it on the sink but on this medallion, which was hanging around your neck.
We know the chimp was in the studio on the night of the murder.
Now we know you were there.
Two things that did you in, sir.
This badge and those photographs.
Here the chimp's going for a lady's bracelet, and here he's got a man's cigarette case and here he's going for the lady's earrings.
And on the night of the investigation, he was grabbing this badge.
What do these things have in common? They're all shiny and they're all metal.
Just like this medallion.
Hello, Leon.
- What are you doing here, Nancy? - Oh, Mrs Brewer.
Thank you for coming.
- I want to thank you for your cooperation.
- Cooperation? - I hope it hasn't been too unpleasant.
- I was told you had something to tell me.
Well, like all those jokes, ma'am, there's good news and bad news.
- Which do you want first? - Well, I guess the bad news.
The bad news is Mr Lamarr is going to be arrested for the murder of your husband.
Oh, my God.
How could you? - Huh! - And what's the good news? - That you've just inherited $24 million.
- What? It wasn't Mr Lamarr who won the lottery, it was your late husband.
Even though you were getting a divorce, you were still legally married at the time of the drawing.
- I get the money? - All of it.
All of those millions.
- It'd be a cold day in hell.
- Leon! You lying, treacherous bitch.
You sold old Leon out, didn't you? You want to see cooperation? I'm going to show you cooperation.
Who was it pretending to be Freddie calling me from the studio? - Leon! - His own darling wife.
His widow, trying to scratch my eyes out.
- Idiot! - You wish I was as dead as Freddie! I hate you more than your wife is going to hate you! - That's how much I hate you! - All right.
Book 'em.
Book 'em.
- Leon! Oh, I'm going to get you! - Suspicion of murder.
Get your hands off me! Leon! Leon! Leon! Good night.
Jack, I was thinking about my wife's anniversary gift.
She's got enough jewellery.
She got two ears.
How many earrings can she wear? What we need to do is spend more time together, just the two of us.
- I'm going to take her on a trip.
- That's nice.
Getting away on a cruise? I wasn't thinking about a cruise.
I was thinking of camping out in the woods, going fishing, cooking over a campfire.
- How does that sound? - To me, great.
Are you sure your wife likes that kind of stuff? My wife would rather get dressed and go out dancing.
You know, on second thoughts, maybe I ought to have her old car repainted.
Jack, it's 25 years.
I ought to do something special.
Your car or her car? I didn't hear that.