Columbo (1971) s10e06 Episode Script

A Bird in the Hand...

Come on.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
- Thanks.
- 34 red.
Let's do it.
Come on, baby.
Come on, baby.
Come on.
Let's see that seven, OK? Let's see that seven.
That's snake eyes.
I'm in.
What have you got? Mr Hacker.
What brings you down to Vegas? Game on tonight? A friend of mine said he spotted - a guy here.
- Guy? Maybe I can help.
- What the hell Where'd he go? - He'll be back in a minute, sir.
He forgot to make a phone call.
I'm keeping an eye on his winnings for him.
Is it McCain you're looking for? Harold McCain? I don't think you should His winnings.
- How much did he owe you? - None of your damn business.
I'll bet you people give him credit.
It's a courtesy of the house.
Considering who he is.
- Come on.
- All right.
He's given the boss some solid tips about some football games.
His uncle being who he is.
To be so close to the horse's mouth - Big Fred himself.
Slow down, you dumb blasted son - Well, wouldn't you know? - Uncle Fred.
Hey, Uncle Fred! Hey! Uncle Fred! Hey, what the hell's the matter with you, huh? You going deaf? Can't you even jog where there's sidewalks? - Turn those damn things off.
- Get off.
I can hear you.
- All right! - Well, what brings you back? They throw you out of Tijuana? No horses running to Caliente? Or did you get bit in the dogfights in Arizona? - Take it easy.
- Where have you been? Dolores has been worried.
I don't know why.
San Francisco.
There's a public relation firm up there I may go to work for.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Why didn't you just stay up there? Go get 'em? Stay after something for once in your life? I came back to get my laundry, OK? Pick up my mail at my shack.
Maybe see the game this afternoon.
- Any objection? - You're not in trouble again? If you are, you can put the bite on somebody else.
God's sake.
Look, give me a little credit, will you? All right, you can stick around a while.
A couple of days, if you have to.
Just so long as you understand - nothing has changed here, including my mind.
So you're still sore at me, huh? So we fought a little bit last week Get your heap outta here before somebody creams it.
Come on, I'll give you a ride.
Come on! Uncle Fred! Harold.
I see Big Fred finally got his baby carriage.
- Harold.
I've been so worried about you.
- Lousy license, though.
"Stallion No 1".
They're 0 for 6.
There's fans out there that would shoot at a plate like that.
Oh, he'd just think it was funny.
Or shoot back, maybe.
It's all part of the game.
Those people you're in trouble with - you don't think that they Hey, I don't know what they'd do.
And I don't intend to find out.
Oh, my poor baby.
Drink some orange juice.
That's a little strong for me.
Hey, watch it.
The gardener's here.
Didn't you notice? Fernando is not just a gardener.
But he is starting to prune the back hedge today.
The one way back.
And there's no one else in the house.
- Fred's probably in the shower by now.
- Look.
I talked to Fred already, Dolores.
He hasn't changed his mind, has he? About throwing me out or cutting me off.
Well, unless you can persuade him that you've given up gambling, - and your other little vices - He wasn't always so damn pure.
He didn't always own a football team, Harold.
He can't let people think that he's even re remotely mixed up - I will quit.
I told you.
Just as soon as I catch up, OK? And I might've, too, if it wasn't Aagh! Just just forget it.
How much did you round up for me? I'm afraid $20,000 was all I could manage without Fred finding out.
But, um, my pink pearls - he never notices whether I wear 'em or not.
- He never notices anything any more.
- Don't, Dolores.
- I got a couple of better ideas.
- Oh, Harold.
Promise me that you won't do anything desperate.
Oh, but I might.
There! You see that? That's a late hit.
- Get me the replay guy.
- They won't take calls.
They'll take mine, dammit.
Here, Honey, hit me again.
Sure will, honey.
haven't done well against the defensive secondary.
Wait a minute! Is that the Stallions' kicking team - Hey, look - we're going to kick.
- On third down? Get me the backs.
Tell 'em to pass.
Pass! - You can't pass without a quarterback.
- Why didn't you buy me a better backup? We're only down by 12.
We're 18-point underdogs beating the spread.
Yeah, well, spreads are for losers like you, kid.
Me, I like to win.
First down.
And he has Brown open in the end zone.
Touchdown! I think that may be all for the Stallions this afternoon.
If Garcia's extra point is good, that'll put the Stallions down by 19.
- Looks like a wrap, Don.
- I think you're right, Chris.
There's activity on the Stallions sideline.
If that's who I think it is But I don't expect we'll see him any this afternoon.
It's the Elks to kick off, and it's caught at the 10yd line by Banks, and he is to the 31 yd line, first and ten Stallions.
Look! It's him! It's Clyde! - Who? - Oh.
Clyde Wendowski.
Our number-one pick.
Hasn't played much yet.
Oh, Mrs McCain.
He's the most gorgeous hunk you ever saw! Only, he's had this terrible twisted ankle.
- He sure looks cured to me.
- Touchdown, Stallions.
The extra point is good.
The Stallions now trail by 12.
Now, it's Semian to kick off for the Stallions.
And it is dropped! That's Crawford! Scrambling for a cover! And he's got the ball! Touchdown, Stallions! Ha haaa! Hooo! Davis.
Back pass, looking for Cartwright.
Intercepted! Touchdown, Stallions! They've done it! They've come from behind! Harold! Did you see me, buddy? I did it, man.
We won! Wait till my mother hears about this.
What the hell happened? I thought you said you couldn't possibly play.
- The doctor said - You know what? I stole some extra pills at half-time.
When I got 'em to poke at me, I didn't even blink! - Damn fool! - Hey! I don't care what it feels like tomorrow.
Now they know what I can do, now they can't drop me.
- You didn't bet on the game, did you? - Get outta here.
Idiot! Hello.
- Who is this? - Three guesses.
McCain, this is the seventh time I called, and it's gonna be my last.
Hey, Hacker.
I'm glad you got me.
I'm sorry I had to cut out on you the other night.
I had to come hold my uncle's hand.
- Anyway, I told him about you.
- You what? Yeah, sure.
He wants you to know that he's gonna help out.
- Everything's gonna be fine.
- I don't believe you.
Big Fred would take your head off if he knew.
We can't talk about this on the phone.
I'll be up next week and we'll straighten everything out.
You better.
If you wanna stay in one piece.
Where the hell is it? Hey, Honey, wait.
I got it.
I'm up.
Hello? - Harold? - Bertie! - Where are you? - Surf club, where I'm supposed to be.
Coaches' breakfast.
Only, where's your uncle? I've been calling the house for 45 minutes, but there's no answer.
Not even Dolores.
Bertie, I don't know.
Uh, he's gotta be on his way.
Where else could he be? Look at your watch.
He's an hour late.
I've never known him to be late anywhere.
Maybe he had a flat tyre or something.
But, hey, sure, I'll check.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Keep moving.
Keep going.
Keep it moving.
They say a jogger just got hit over there.
- Hey, what happened? - They say a jogger got hit by a car.
- A definite hit-and-run.
- Come on, keep it moving! Harold! Quick! Harold! They're taking him to the hospital! You have to come with me! Oh, thank God you're here! It's her husband? Big Fred McCain? - We brought her over from their house.
- How badly hurt is he? They found him in the street, next to that broken glass.
He's been dead maybe an hour, they say.
Dangerous place to jog.
It's OK.
It's OK.
It's OK.
- Hold it! - It's all right.
That's Mrs McCain and Big Fred's nephew.
Don't let anybody else in.
I'll be back soon.
I'll tell you how to handle things.
All right, Dolores, come on.
Let's get you in the house.
- Come on.
- OK.
What the hell? Hey! Hey! What are you doing? Oh, excuse me, sir.
I was - I was looking for the - Who the hell are you? Get out! It's all right, sir.
I'm only the police.
Hey, that's Mrs McCain, isn't it? Oh, that poor lady.
From the, uh, police, ma'am.
I'm Lieutenant Columbo.
Columbo? You can call me Lieutenant.
I'll get out of your way Does that mean you're in charge of those guys out there? - Well, sir, not exactly, no.
- This is my husband's nephew, Harold.
Oh, yes.
I've seen your picture, too, sir.
Maybe in the Enquirer.
- I'm sorry I startled you in the car.
- No problem.
- Just a funny place to park.
- It's OK.
Come on, Dolores.
You know, Fred - my husband - must have moved it there last night.
He does that when he's gonna leave early in the morning.
I like to sleep late.
- It's not important, Dolores.
- That garage door - The car is not important.
- Come on.
Let me get you out of the heat.
You can come in, too, if you like, Lieutenant.
No, sir, I think I'll stay here.
Uh, Sergeant Duran! I think she can help you better than I can.
Any questions, I'll direct them to you.
- Would you help the lady in? - Of course.
- You coming, Harold? - You can go in.
I won't need you just yet.
I'll be in in a minute, Dolores.
Why would you need me at all? Your job here is to keep people away, isn't it? Oh, the traffic boys will handle that.
No, sir, I'm just waiting for more of my crew.
Look at that.
Even the tyres are customs.
No, I don't mind admitting, sir - this buggy sure caught my eye.
See, I got a foreign car, too.
It's French.
I don't know if you noticed it.
It's parked there.
No, I didn't.
What is your job, Lieutenant? - Homicide.
- On a hit-and-run case? Oh, don't let that worry you, sir, and particularly not Mrs McCain.
But the violent death of anyone as well known as Big Fred, we gotta look into it.
Just to make doubly sure, that's all.
Besides, our chief, uh he's the biggest Stallions fan in Los Angeles, if you know what I mean.
- I guess so.
- Yeah.
That's your crew now, right? No, no.
That's the accident detail.
There must be a dozen of them around here by now.
But you know, I was just thinking, when the people start trampling around here we don't want them poking into this.
There's gotta be some button you can push to lock the doors.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yeah, this was Uncle Fred's pride and joy.
And if we have to move it, I'm sure we can find a key.
OK, here's his, now where's hers? Oh, dammit, Dolores! - Early? You say you got here early? - Oh, sí.
Still dark.
- I'm pruning a hedge in the back.
- Did you see anybody? That early? Nobody gets up that early in this neighbourhood.
Except after a while Mr McCain.
He's always the first jogger.
- Did you talk with him? - No, we just waved to each other.
- Where was that? - Across the back street.
He come around the block - in the front, I guess.
Mostly he goes the same way.
Around and around the empty streets.
Always alone.
Now, excuse me.
I take these things to my truck.
Wait, Fernando.
I didn't see a truck.
- Where'd you park? - I park out in the street.
That's the way it is when he parks his car in the driveway.
Where's Columbo? I can't get him on his beeper.
- Where is he? - Sir - Get him on your horn.
- Lieutenant Columbo, sir.
Detective Robertson is here.
If you can hear me, please answer your beeper.
Want to bet he doesn't even carry one? Lieutenant Columbo.
Can you hear me, sir? Detective Robertson is here.
In the driveway.
Ay, no.
Ya me robaron la troca.
Lieutenant! Lieutenant Columbo! Ya me robaron la troca.
Lieutenant! They My truck.
My truck is gone! They stole my truck.
Not only my lawn mower and my blower - my tools, even.
- The whole truck! - Take it easy.
Maybe somebody moved it.
I was the first one here and I didn't see anything there.
- What kind of truck was it? - Not so new.
- Licence 54J647? - That's mine.
Have you seen it? In an alley four blocks down.
That's what I came to tell you, Columbo.
It's got a few dents, busted headlight.
Some spots that might be blood.
They're loading it on a flat-bed to take downtown.
- Blood? No, it couldn't be my truck.
- Can you reach them on your radio? Any reason why they can't swing around this way? That's it! That's my truck! That's it! That's mine! You can get up there.
Just don't touch anything.
- What do you want him to look for? - Anything different.
We'll check the blood spots.
Oh, Mr McCain! I thought you should know - Mrs McCain's feeling a little better now.
The pills seemed to help.
She'd like to see you, I think, when you can.
Oh, yeah.
Of course.
When I can.
An area like this, gardeners hate to park their rigs on the street.
Get 50 calls a week for robbery.
It's mostly kids, hard-up newcomers, immigrants that do the stealing, hoping to set themselves up as gardeners.
Only in this case, whoever stole that rig must have hit Big Fred.
He panicked, dumped the truck, ran with whatever he could carry.
- Is that what you're saying? - Well, aren't you? Well, I guess so, if the blood type matches.
I'll give you a ride to the lab.
We'll have this wrapped up in no time.
Oh, I got my own car.
I'll meet you there.
Lieutenant? - They said I should check in with you.
- That's him.
- You're the lieutenant? - Lieutenant.
This is Bertie Sobkowitz.
He's the general manager for the Stallions.
Lieutenant Columbo.
Hey, look, I gotta get my car outta here.
You mind backing up a little, sir? - You have to stop there, boys.
- Hey.
Hey, wait a minute! Officer, they can't come in here.
It's OK.
Just a pool camera for my own network.
- Nothing released until you say.
- They got clearance from downtown.
Big Fred loved publicity.
This is the least we can do for him now.
Can't we get rid of this traffic jam? What's in the way? - Uh, the Rolls.
- Harold, can't you move the Rolls? Mrs McCain thought it should be moved, too, but she couldn't find her keys.
She's so confused.
She's looking for her husband's keys.
I have one key.
For when I wash it.
I'll move it.
Once he gets it out of here, we'll be all right.
I hope so.
Couple of more cars, we'll be backed out the gate.
Fernando! Put it in the garage! Sí, señor.
Right away.
Mr McCain, look at this.
- Scratch marks.
- That's right.
They're fresh.
And we just happened to notice that they seem pointed toward the blast area.
- So what are they? What made them? - I don't know.
Maybe they were already here.
Maybe there's no connection.
The truth is, I can't really tell which way they're pointed.
- And of course, that pipe bomb - Pipe bomb? - That could blow things in any direction.
- That's what it was? Oh, yeah.
The lab's already confirming it.
They even got the formula for the powder they used.
A pipe bomb? That's a pretty sophisticated weapon, isn't it? Well, some of them, they can be pretty simple.
This was a kind that's been used in the Middle East.
And they have articles with diagrams in magazines.
You may have seen the magazines in a - oh, I don't know - barber shop, maybe.
No, my hairdresser only supplies music, Lieutenant.
What about fingerprints? They find any? On a door, maybe? Or the hood? - Underneath somewhere? - As a matter of fact, not a single one.
But they tell me the car was just washed.
But there wouldn't be any prints.
A pro would wear gloves, right? - Uh, yes, sir.
I guess he would.
- Yeah.
And who else but a pro could have gotten in here to plant the bomb? You said there was no obvious signs of break-in.
Seeing eyes in the fences, triple locks in the gates? Security patrol cars outside.
I'll tell you something.
- It'd take a real expert to break in.
- I agree.
You got it right.
- That's sure the way it looks.
- Looks? That it came from the outside.
A mob gangster.
That's what you're saying.
- That's the way it looks.
- As opposed to an acquaintance.
- That would come from the inside.
- What are you getting at? That someone who knew the grounds could figure out a simpler way to get in.
- Yeah? Like how? - Oh, I don't know.
Maybe know of someplace to hide before they locked the security gates.
- Would you do me a favour? - What? Would you put your thinking cap on and come up with names of people who are familiar with the grounds, and might have had something against Big Fred? Listen, Lieutenant.
You know, I would love to make this easy for you, but my Uncle Fred never left me a list of his enemies.
Right now I'm so busy trying to get my aunt through this I appreciate that, sir.
But I gotta tell you one little thing.
Sergeant Duran, she came up with something this morning in that garbage can back there.
It's a pair of cotton gloves.
They're dirty, but they smell of gasoline.
Now do you think that a real pro would dump his gloves in the garbage? Here? Oh, those are probably mine, Lieutenant.
Let me see.
Oh, well, course they are.
I threw those out just the other day.
They're stinky.
I always carry garden gloves like that in my car.
For when I pump my gasoline.
You do? When you go to a gasoline station you pump your own? Full service was invented to cheat women and old folks.
I don't like to be cheated.
Harold, do you realise what time it is? We have arrangements to make.
The lieutenant was just leaving.
I think.
I guess, uh, I will be going now.
- Bye-bye.
- Excuse me.
Everything is going to be all right.
George! Bertie! Handkerchief.
Make sure the limo and the driver are ready to go.
Please give us some room.
Clear, please.
Someone get the door.
- Mrs McCain! - No, no, no, no! No pictures! Out of the way! Out of the way.
- Out of the way.
- It's OK, baby.
We got you.
- I got you, baby.
- Oh! Get out the way.
Come on! Hey! It's all right, buddy, we got her.
See you at the wake! Oh, that's pretty good interference.
It sure looks like she owns 'em now.
Course, the league's gonna have to approve.
- What is your problem? - I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't mean anything.
Of course she'll be approved.
She's Fred's principal heir.
Well, I know that, sir.
His attorney, that Bertie fellow, he told me that.
I understand that you're in the will, too, as his only blood relative.
Some sort of a secondary inheritor.
Is that all you have to say? That you talked to him? I gotta tend bar at a wake.
- We want to say how sorry we both are.
- Thank you.
- You'll take good care of her, won't you? - Oh, yeah.
I'll take care of her.
- Bertie.
- Harold.
Well, there's our new owner.
- Let's hope it works out.
- Yeah, this is all new for her.
Not sure how she's gonna handle it.
I just wanna tell you, you have any problems with her, you just come to me.
Between the two of us, I'll see to it that you're able to do the job that I know you're capable of doing.
Right now, I'm gonna get her outta here.
I think she's had a little too much.
Excuse me, fellas.
Dolores, come on.
I won't forget you.
Wouldn't Fred just love this? I'm sorry.
Wouldn't he just die all over again to be here? - That bastard.
- Hey, guys.
Guys! Come on, come on.
Ease up, will you? No, no, don't stop.
That's beautiful! - More.
More! - Dolores! What's the matter with you? # Because of you # There's a song - # In my heart - No, no.
Let's get you outside.
# Because of you You think any of those people ever really liked him? Of course.
Even I did once.
Fred used to sing me that song while he danced on my feet.
- Gimme that.
- Excuse me, ma'am.
Could you tell me where the bathroom is? Dolores.
Thanks, boss.
- Some of these characters Come on.
- Gimme that.
You know what you need? You need some fresh air.
And rest.
When this is all over, I'm gonna take you someplace where we Harold, stop telling me what to do.
Stop giving orders.
On you, it sounds so silly.
Yeah, but it's true, honey.
Listen, I can take care of everything here for you.
Bertie and I have already talked about how to handle the team.
So that's what you've been up to.
Harold, I'm gonna fire Bertie.
Fire? Oh, no.
- No, no, no, no.
No, you can't do that.
- Oh, yes, I can.
I've been studying his contract.
I want a I want a younger man in there.
Besides, he may be a good lawyer, but as general manager he's a wimp.
You don't know what you're saying.
You don't know a damn thing about football.
That's what you think.
As for running a business, I was once Fred's executive secretary, remember? I still do most of his taxes.
Oh, darling, don't look like that.
I want you to stay just the way you are.
Don't go trying to be the man of the family.
Don't you worry.
I will never kick you out of bed.
Yes, I think it's time for champagne, don't you? Hold it.
Come on.
Mrs McCain thought it should be moved, too, but she couldn't find her keys.
She's so confused.
She's looking for her husband's keys.
I have one key.
For when I wash it.
I'll move it.
Once he gets it out of here, we'll be all right.
I hope so.
Couple of more cars , we'll be backed out the gate.
Fernando! Put it in the garage! Sí, señor.
Right away.
That was too close for comfort.
What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Vegas, Tahoe or Reno by now.
Wherever Big Fred made his money, maybe made big enemies.
Well, that must be Vegas.
That's where he hung around with all those mob guys.
No, uh Just wanted to look at that one more time.
Duran said you got several clues out of Big Fred's office possibly threats, blackmail, that kind of stuff.
The feds are interested.
FBI want into it.
I guess so.
- That's good, isn't it? - Yeah.
Me, I got nothing or too much.
Looking for a hit-and-run driver in LA is like looking for straw in a haystack.
It could be anybody, the way they drive here.
All you gotta do is find a killer whose bomb killed the wrong guy.
That's right.
That's all I gotta do.
Well, what are you doing here, Columbo? I just decided I was right in the first place.
- What? - I am staying here.
In the City of the Angels.
- May I help you, sir? - Uh, just looking, that's all.
Um Could you show me how you lift up the hood? The usual way.
Oh, from the inside? Yeah, should have known that.
Was there any particular part you wish to see? Just the distributor, please, and maybe the starter.
- It has both.
- Oh, yeah, there's the distributor.
And that wire would go right down through there.
- Wire, sir? What wire? - Uh, to the bomb.
Oh, excuse me.
I'm from the police, sir.
You see, the car we got, it's so messed up that it's hard to figure things out, so You don't mind if I check out a few things on this car, do you? Of course not, sir.
Anything to oblige.
Uh underneath, too.
I'd like to look underneath.
Perhaps in the service centre.
I'm sure there's a car we can put up on the lift.
No, no, no, no.
This will be fine.
Is there anything I could do to help you, sir? You don't happen to have a pair of pliers? Really, sir, no.
I certainly wouldn't.
- What about that gentleman? - What gentleman? Uh, sir? Sir, do you happen to have a pair of pliers? Pliers? - This what you want? - Oh, that'd be fine.
I'll return 'em.
What do you intend doing with those pliers? Oh, don't worry, sir.
The pliers will never touch the car.
They'll never touch the car? - What happened? - Nothing serious, sir.
Just my head.
I beg your pardon? I was just saying, it can't work because you can't reach from here.
What won't work? What are you doing? Just give me a moment, sir.
Let me rethink this.
All right, the wire started here by the distributor, came over to the bomb.
The bomb's about here, but then the wire went that way Got it.
This is as far It can't go any further.
Oh, yeah! Now you've done it.
Hmph! Yeah, I did it.
And it wasn't easy! But it's done.
Oh, boy.
What are you doing? I'm wiping up the marks you made with your heels.
Just look at this.
Hold it, sir.
Hold it.
Don't touch those.
That's it! That is it! That's it! Thank you very much, sir! Oh! - Hello.
- I just called to say how Hacker, I told you never to call me here or anywhere else Hey, hey, come on.
Take it easy.
I'm just reading about your uncle's will.
I don't see your name much.
Oh, for God's sake, Hacker.
In due time, you'll get your debt.
I didn't call about that.
I just called to say how sorry I was about Big Fred's death.
And to say you got two days.
That's 48 hours.
And then I want my money.
- Yes? - Hi.
- Well, hello.
- You alone? All alone.
- Know what I'm doing? - No.
I am lying down, I'm on my bed.
I happen to be nude.
And I'm thinking of you.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
When was the last time, Mrs Dolores McCain, that we spent an afternoon under the covers, huh? It's been a while.
Let's do it.
Bees do it.
- Even - Even educated fleas do it.
And are you available later for dinner? - Chez Louis.
- That's my favourite restaurant.
I'm coming over, right away.
I'll be there in a minute.
Don't get dressed.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Oh, Mr McCain! You're here! Oh, boy.
What a happy coincidence! - Where the hell'd that come from? - This is borrowed.
We gotta be careful.
See, I was just checking to make sure we put it in the exact same spot.
- Why? - Oh, it's all right here.
Here's how the lab says that that bomb was planted under your uncle's car.
And I finally figured out how the wire was attached from the bomb to the starter.
- Good for you.
So what? - Oh, it's very interesting.
These buggies, they're built so low to the ground there's really only one spot that you can use to get far enough under.
And, uh Yeah, that's right about here.
Now, the guy had to use a pair of pliers to get the wire from the bomb, which was here, over to the starter.
Uh, are you watching, Mr McCain? Why don't you get down where you can see? But the trouble is, that from here, he can't reach it.
But if he twists his body Oh, it's still tight, but he can push with his heels.
And he's getting closer, but he can't go any further.
- Can you see that, Mr McCain? - Uh-huh.
But if he's left-handed, like you are, sir, he can reach it easily.
Like I am? Now, what makes you think What hand are you holding your cigarette in, sir? The left.
But if I were ambidextrous, I could have it in the right.
Oh, no, no.
I've seen other things.
So the guy was left-handed.
How many other lefties are there in this country? There's quite a few, sir.
No, that doesn't really mean anything.
But it does make it easier to explain the scratch marks.
- What scratch marks? - You remember, sir.
They're right here.
They're still here.
- The ones with the chalk mark.
- Oh, yeah.
And those are heel marks, I discovered.
And I can prove it.
We made some just like those ourselves.
You saw how.
I was pushing with my heels to get far enough left so I could use my left hand.
Didn't make any marks that I could see.
That's because I'm wearing rubber heels.
But there are heels that could make marks in asphalt.
Uh, ones like, uh What are those, uh Those Beverly Hills cowboy boots.
The same kind that I seen you wearing Like the ones you got on now, in fact.
Like those.
- And like thousands of other men wear.
- Oh, sure.
Of course.
But I still keep thinking Uh Excuse me, sir.
Would you mind lifting that boot? Oh, yeah.
You got that silver ornament.
That would really make a mark in asphalt.
Course, thousands of guys got the same thing.
But a hired killer? A real professional - like you thought was the only one could break in here he wouldn't wear hard shoes like that.
Risk tripping, making noise.
He'd wear tennis shoes, running shoes.
Black ones, maybe.
Anyway, I still think it was somebody who was so confident he knew his way around.
So that would cut the odds to what? Maybe 100-1? So now you're thinking friends, visitors? Servants? Someone who worked here? I wasn't thinking of them, exactly.
Ever since this car exploded, you've been trying to point the finger at me, right? - There have been certain indications.
- Nah, nah, nah.
You took a wild guess, and figured I'm the easiest one to blame.
- Well, you got nothing.
- Sir.
Harold? I've been waiting for you.
Yeah, all right.
I know.
- Well, can I go? - Of course.
But, sir you won't go far, will you? - I didn't know he was gonna be here.
- Well, I didn't, either.
Well, maybe we should go over to my place, then, yeah? I guess so.
- Separate cars? - Well - He's still here.
- Yeah.
Better separate.
- See you soon.
- I'll see you soon.
And tonight Tonight? Chez Louis.
Chez Louis.
Thought it was a pleasant afternoon.
You won't get any argument from me.
I'll be glad when this whole thing is over with.
And first I gotta take care of that Hacker.
Gotta do that.
Get him some money, quiet him down.
That son of a bitch.
He's crazy.
Got syphilis on the brain.
I think he drinks, too.
Well, I'll take care of him.
I'll do that.
It's nice being together, huh? It is.
You're the best.
Thank you.
Can I ask you something? Are we drifting apart? - Drifting apart? - Yeah, I don't know, I just, uh feel like I'm losing you.
Maybe it's just my imagination.
I don't know, I'm just so crazy about the money.
I'm getting another 10,000 from this friend of mine, Eddie, and, uh, and then all I need's another 20 and then I'll be more myself.
Hey, then maybe we'll go someplace, huh? Hey, someday, I'm gonna ask you to marry me.
Soon as I get that damn Hacker off my back.
- Are you gonna say yes? - Ask, and you'll find out.
I will.
I'll get another five from another source, that's 15.
Then I'll need another 15, and it's you and me, baby.
- Sounds good.
- Hey.
We were good for each other in the past.
We'll be good for each other again.
Where you gonna get the other 15? I thought I'd ask you.
But I won't give it to you.
Don't say that.
I think you use me.
No, I don't.
I think you used me before, and I think you're using me now.
- Honey - You're just like Fred.
You use me.
And that's over, buster.
You don't mean that.
He took me for granted, and you're doing the same thing.
And I'm giving you nothing.
- Nothing? - Nothing.
- Not a nickel? - Not a nickel.
I understand.
So I used you, Big Fred used you, and you're a woman that men use and humiliate.
- And you don't like that, do you? - No, I don't.
Oh, I know you don't.
Oh, I remember how you fantasised about Big Fred's death.
How you dreamed of hearing him beg for your mercy.
How you wanted him dead.
And now he's dead.
Interesting, huh? I find that interesting.
You wanna hear more? I have no idea what you're talking about.
There's something about his death that I know, that you should know.
Only I don't want to talk about it here.
It's too dangerous.
But if you're interested, I'll be in the parking garage.
Harold? You're behaving so strange.
What is it you want? You like all the attention you're getting from the football players, don't you? Yes.
You like firing Bertie? Taking over the team? - What were you gonna tell me, Harold? - You have blossomed since Fred's death.
I thought you had something important to say.
Where were you the morning Fred got hit by the truck? - Where was I? - And don't tell me you were at home, because Bertie called for 45 minutes, and then I called and there was no answer.
So don't tell me you were at home.
I don't like to hear people lie.
Now, honey sugar, you know what's interesting? I've known you five years.
And I've never known you to get up before 10:30.
And I've never known Fernando to start his day's work by cutting the back hedge.
Now, what did you tell Columbo? That Fred moved the car at night so in the morning the garage door wouldn't wake you? Since when would Fred care if he disturbed you? He didn't know you were alive.
You see where I'm coming from? Let me sleep on this, honey.
It's very confusing - I want the $15,000.
- I understand.
I can't get to Columbo now.
I got other plans tonight.
But you've got until tomorrow morning.
I'll call you early.
I just need a little time.
I wanna lie down.
Would you drive me home? What about your car? It's at my place.
I just wanna lie down.
I have to think.
I'll get the car tomorrow.
- This is Jack.
- And I'm Jill.
This is the breakfast show.
I think the folks know that, Jill.
The time is now 7:40am and it's overcast.
But don't despair.
In a few hours, by ten o'clock, our old friend the sun will be out in all his glory.
Hear that? Clouds gone by ten.
You can hit the beaches early.
- The time is 7:41.
- I just gave 'em the time! I know, Jack.
I just like to do it again in case somebody missed it.
Thank you, Jack and Jill.
This Captain Steven, copter one.
You were right about the weather.
We've got patchy clouds along the Pacific Coast Highway, from Malibu to Santa Monica just right for the surfers, with three to five foot Yes? I'm sitting here, I got the cop's number in my hand.
What do you want me to do? I thought about it.
Harold I don't like doing it, but you're in trouble.
So come on over.
I've got the money for you.
I'll be right there.
Love you.
But, Harold this is the last time.
Oh, yes! Go to the house.
Check with Detective Robertson.
- Where is the lieutenant? - How the hell do I know? Should have been here half an hour ago.
- Any word on Columbo? - He just arrived.
- It's about time.
- Died between 8:15 and 9:30.
- You're late, Lieutenant.
- Oh, hi, John.
A seven-letter word for a green leaf.
It's got a u in it.
The third letter is u.
It's not "lettuce".
You're doing a crossword? We're waiting for you, and you're doing a crossword? I don't even like 'em.
Blame my wife.
She's gets me started, and I get hooked.
"A green leaf.
" Arugula.
Let me show you this window.
Now, this is how the guy got in.
Obviously a professional.
Now, he used the glass cutter to cut the glass.
Never shook anything, so the alarm didn't go off.
Then he climbed through.
What he didn't know was what was on the other side.
There was a bowl of milk left for the cat.
He stepped in it and knocked it over.
Now, the victim must have heard that bowl go over, because he was right there in the bedroom.
Right over the room where the bowl went over.
Then he was moving to get his gun when the intruder shot him.
Harold was plenty scared.
Those mobsters had already threatened him.
- So who found the body? - Dolores McCain.
Ah, Dolores! Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's her car out there.
What time was that? - 10:30.
- 10:30.
10:30? - Where is she? - She's in the kitchen.
He just couldn't help himself.
It was an addiction.
He just couldn't stop gambling.
Couldn't help himself.
He tried.
But he - What time did you get here, ma'am? - Oh about 10:30.
I see.
All right.
- And you drove here? - Yes.
When was the last time that you saw him? Yesterday.
He came over the house.
Well, you were there.
And we had a good time together.
But at dinner, he asked me for money and I said no.
I've given him so much money, and I just said no.
And, uh, then he called me this morning, early Where did he call from, ma'am? Well, I assumed he was here.
He was.
We checked with the telephone company.
The call was made at 8:15 from this number.
I assumed that.
And, uh, he said this man Hacker had called him at midnight.
Threatened him.
He sounded terrified.
Said he was gonna run away to Chicago.
I think he said the 2:30 train.
And, uh, he had car fare, but he needed room and board.
I couldn't deny him.
He sounded so pitiful.
And, uh, so I said I'd help him, and bring some money around 10:30.
When I got here, the the front door was locked, so I went to the, uh the bedroom window, and I Oh, God.
All right.
All right, ma'am.
That's all I need now.
Uh You've been through enough.
Uh, I have a tape that I have to show you.
It's very important.
But we can do that another time.
All right, Officer.
- Is Mrs McCain dismissed? - Yes.
See that someone drives her home.
Yes, Lieutenant.
All right, Officer.
We're done.
Thank you very much.
Shot once in the abdomen, all internal bleeding.
The bullet's still inside.
That's what killed him.
I'd say it's pretty clear.
Either he woke up, or the alarm woke him.
You can see the alarm is set for eight o'clock.
Now, he spoke with Mrs McCain at 8:15.
According to the medical examiner, some time within an hour and a half, he was shot.
Now, he heard a noise in the basement.
The cat's bowl.
We know this guy was jumpy.
He told Mrs McCain that he was leaving town.
Well, we found this train timetable.
The 2:30 to Chicago is circled.
What we got here is a guy who heard a noise but don't know what it was.
He was alone and jumpy, so he decided to go and get his gun, but the guy got his gun first, and that's what happened.
- You think this bed was slept in? - What? - You think this bed was slept in? - Why would you ask that? Well, the sheet seems tight here.
You think somebody's foot was under that? People sleep all kinds of ways.
Maybe he slept on top of the sheets.
Maybe he put one foot under and the other one in sideways.
- What do you want from me? - Just asking.
What's this? An invitation ticket to a poker tournament at the Commerce Casino.
It's for tonight.
Yeah, but he won't make it.
- What's this? - It's $5,000.
- No kidding.
- It was in his boot.
In his boot? No kidding.
- Where's the boot? - It's in the closet.
- The money was just lying in the boot? - It was stuffed in the toe, behind a sock.
These are ripe.
- You're telling me.
- And damp.
Well, the guy's feet sweat.
Mine sweat, too.
That's why my feet are soft.
That's what my wife says.
Wait a minute, John.
Hold the phone.
When did he take these socks off? They feel like they've been worn recently.
Feel them.
They're still damp.
So those are the socks that he put on when he got up.
But when did he take the damp ones off? I mean, even if he took them off last night, even as late as 2am, it's now after 11.
That's nine hours ago.
They would be dry by now.
But these are still wet.
So when did he take 'em off? - You said the alarm went off at eight.
- Yeah.
Eight o'clock.
I hate to tell you this, fellas, but this alarm was set for 8pm.
And that poker tournament was What time was that? Nine? I think nine.
Yeah - nine.
Makes sense.
The club's right here in LA.
I'll tell you, boys I don't think we got a guy that just got up.
I think we got a guy that never went to bed.
Commerce Casino.
Ed speaking.
Do I know Harold McCain? Yes, I do.
When did he buy his ticket in the poker tournament? Is that your question? Well, I came on duty at 4am this morning.
He was here then.
I sold him the ticket before he left, so the answer to your question is My pleasure.
Gentlemen, either Harold was lying to Dolores or Dolores was lying to us.
- Coffee, Lieutenant? - No, thank you, ma'am.
This is the tape that I mentioned.
It's something you have to see.
It won't take long, ma'am, then I'll get right out of your hair.
I was just gathering up some of Harold's things.
Things that he's left here.
I think I got 'em all.
It's all so unbelievable.
I understand that.
I understand.
All right.
Here we go.
Now, of course, you weren't there at the time.
You were in the house.
She's so confused.
She's looking for her husband's keys.
I have one key.
Oh, dear.
I don't think I can watch this.
- You'll be all right.
- But it's gonna blow up, isn't it? Yes, ma'am, it is.
Right away.
All right.
Ma'am, did you notice anything unusual? What a stupid question.
You just made me watch my gardener get blown up! You're right.
You're absolutely right.
You were looking at the gardener and the car.
Anybody would.
Could I run this again, ma'am? - If it's absolutely necessary.
- I appreciate that.
And this time, more slowly.
It's amazing what they can do with TV tape and film.
- Does does it have to be so noisy? - No, ma'am.
I can turn it down.
There we go.
Anything catch your eye that time, ma'am? I just saw it blow up! What else is there to see? Yes, it's difficult to spot.
It is.
Can we do it again? Larger? - Garage! - Sí, señor.
Right away.
Oh, he moved.
I saw Harold move.
No, ma'am.
Once more, only this time, closer.
Watch his eyes.
See 'em? They're closed tight.
He flinched.
Before the explosion.
He knew it was gonna happen.
Oh, I've been so stupid.
I just couldn't let myself think that he was capable of trying to murder his own uncle.
Oh, Lieutenant, I'm sorry.
No wonder you stayed after him.
Kept pushing I know how difficult it is for you, ma'am, but it's something you had to know.
I couldn't keep it from you.
I appreciate it.
Forgive me.
I would like to be alone.
Those are Harold's things.
Please take 'em.
Oh, I will, ma'am.
They'll be among his personal effects.
I appreciate your time.
Mrs McCain! Yes? Just one more thing, ma'am.
I believe this belongs to Harold.
It's here in the den.
Should I take it, too? This is his hat, isn't it, ma'am? Yes, it is.
I'm not sure when he left it here.
- But please take it.
- I will.
Good day, ma'am.
Oh, just one more thing, ma'am.
You told me that Harold called, wanted money.
You said he had the fare, but needed room and board for Chicago, that right? - Yes.
- And you took money to the house? Yes, I brought $1,000.
I have to tell you, ma'am, that we found $5,000 in Harold's boot.
- Really? - Yeah.
So either he was lying when he said he only had car fare, or - Or what, Lieutenant? - You were lying.
I can't believe you said that.
Well, ma'am, you also said that he told you that he was gonna catch a 2:30 train.
- Yes.
- But his alarm clock was set for 8pm.
- So either he lied to you, or you - What? Lied to us.
Lieutenant, from now on, anything you have to say, you will say to my lawyer.
Now, leave.
Yes, ma'am.
- Uh, do you know Harold McCain? - I do.
And it was you that sold him this ticket to the poker tournament at 6:30 yesterday morning? - I did.
- Right.
Um - Gee, this coffee is cold.
You think - Oh, sure.
Right this way.
So you came in at, uh, 4am, and he was playing cards.
- How was he doing? - He was doing well.
He won $5,000.
Excuse me, sir.
I just wanna write that down.
And then he went home? No, I think he had breakfast.
- So Harold was in? - Oh, yes.
Harold was in a great mood.
He won money.
Left me a nice tip.
- What did he eat? - Pancakes.
- That's all? - And orange juice, blueberries and coffee.
- Do you remember what he was wearing? - What was he wearing, Ed? - Let's see.
He had - Was he wearing shoes or boots? - Oh, boots.
He wore boots a lot.
- And his cowboy hat.
He wore that a lot.
- Hat and boots.
- And he had a bright sports shirt.
Oh, I think so.
But I'm not sure.
- And then he went home? - I guess so.
No! He went into the barber shop.
Told me he was gonna treat himself.
- Yes, Harold came in.
- And you worked on him yourself? - Yes.
- What did you do for him? - I did his nails.
- Manicure? - Facial.
- Facial.
- Uh, shave and a haircut.
- Shave and haircut.
Manicure, facial, shave and He had a haircut? Yes, sir.
Well, what do you know about that? - Hey, Baines.
- Lieutenant.
- The box is - Upstairs, to your left, sir.
See you in a bit.
Let him in! All of you! Sorry, men.
Better seats downstairs anyway.
You too.
It was a great game.
I had it on in the car.
Lieutenant, you should know that I am speaking to you now as Mrs McCain's lawyer.
I understand that yesterday you strongly implied that she's a liar.
She doesn't like that.
I don't blame her.
So I'm here to see to it that you don't take advantage of her.
- Now, what's on your mind? - Can I hang this up, sir? - Don't test my patience, Lieutenant.
- Oh, no, sir.
No, not at all.
Let me just say that there's something that bothers me, and I want to clear the air.
- Well, I suggest you start.
- Mrs McCain, you told me that you were with Harold in a restaurant on Thursday night, and that's true.
I checked with the restaurant, you were with Harold.
And Harold, I'm told, parked his car in the parking garage.
Small point.
Could you tell me, ma'am, where you parked your car? - In the street.
- In the street.
Which makes sense.
Parking is permitted on that street at that hour.
And then you went home.
And where did you park your car at home? I'm not gonna let her answer that.
Don't answer.
I have no idea why you're even asking.
I can tell you.
Would you like to hear? - It's up to you.
- Well, I think it's better.
I mean, get it all out in the open.
I was doing a crossword puzzle.
And I put the paper down on the hood, and uh Here, let me show you.
One picture, believe me, one picture is better than a thousand words.
You'll notice that the sunny side of the hood is different than the shady side.
You see those things on the shady side? Here, sir.
Use this.
You can see better.
Look here, on the shady side.
See those bumps? Those are bubbles.
That's dew.
And that tells me that that car was parked there before sunrise.
Now, Mrs McCain, you told me that you didn't arrive there till 10:30 in the morning.
So that's why I asked where the car was parked the previous night.
And we'll answer that, if necessary, at the appropriate time.
All right.
Mrs McCain, did Harold's feet sweat? - Can she answer that? - Dolores? - I have no idea.
- Well, mine do, very bad.
And that's why I noticed Here.
Let me show you.
Thank you, sir.
That these socks were damp.
Now, we found these socks in Harold's boot.
But the socks on his feet were dry, and these wet socks were in his boot.
I couldn't understand if he got up at eight o'clock and put on dry socks, when did he take the damp ones off? But he had this ticket to play poker in the tournament that night.
So I called the casino.
And it turns out - wait till you hear this Harold didn't get up at eight o'clock.
Harold never went to bed.
He played poker all night.
- So? - So, I went to the casino.
And they told me he won $5,000, that he had pancakes for breakfast, and they told me what he was wearing.
I got it right here.
He was wearing these boots - that's where we found the socks this shirt, and, uh Where's the, uh Oh, that's supposed to come.
- Why didn't you knock? - I didn't want to disturb you.
But I'm waiting for that.
How did I know you were here? - I didn't know what to do.
- OK.
Uh, this is what was missing.
This hat.
Harold was wearing this hat.
The casino manager and the waitress, they both remember the hat.
And you, ma'am - well, you remember it.
I saw it in your den.
You said Harold must have left it there.
So the big question is when did he leave it there? And I found the answer.
I got it right here.
These are hairs You see, ma'am? Hairs.
Tiny little fellas.
Tiny, tiny, tiny little hairs.
And Harold got a haircut at 7 am.
These pieces, ma'am, are freshly cut.
And, in this hat, we found these hairs.
So we know that the hat was in your den, ma'am, on the morning he was shot.
- That places the victim - Are you implying that I killed Harold? Shot him dead in your den, ma'am.
Moved the body.
Probably used a wheelchair.
Wanted the cops to find a jumpy guy who just got up.
Took off his pants and shoes and stretched him out in his underwear.
And left him lying there, reaching for a gun.
- Why? - Why was he reaching for a gun? No.
Why? What is the motive? Why on earth would I deliberately kill Harold? He was no real threat to me.
I would have paid those trivial gambling debts.
There has to be a reason for murder.
Maybe because he suspected you killed Big Fred.
What? That's what I said.
And I suspect Harold was right.
Look, Big Fred w But Big Fred was run over.
Oh, my God.
- Dolores? - Just shut up.
Lieutenant, you know perfectly well that it was Harold who tried to kill Fred.
And he would have, but you got there first.
You parked the Rolls in the driveway so the gardener's truck couldn't come in.
You sent the gardener to cut the back hedge so you could steal his truck, and run over Big Fred.
And then you came home and you started to cry when you heard the news.
- Prove it.
- I don't have to prove it.
One in the hand is better than two in the bush.
You're under arrest for the murder of Harold McCain.
That idiot.
If it wasn't for him, you'd have nothing.
I told him not to try anything desperate.
Meddlesome little son of a bitch.
You've been a big help, Bertie.
I don't know what I would have done without you.
Well, thank you.