Comic Book Men s04e15 Episode Script

KISS My Stash

Hey, if you could be any superhero, who would you be? Why do you always assume that if you get superpowers, you automatically become a superhero? I never hear you ask, "What kind of super-villain would you be? A super-villain motivated to steal for money, or would you be more like the world-dominating kind of super-villain?" I definitely want to rule the world.
Like, if you rule the world, then you can get all these other things.
You don't have the mind-set to rule the world.
You don't want to get your hands dirty, and you don't want to be disliked.
That is such a good point.
Like, "Ooh, somebody doesn't like me?" And, like, would you have it in you to have them killed? - Sure.
- Bullcrap! If they didn't like me, yeah, gone, they're dead.
I definitely think I'd go for ruling the world.
I think I could do a good job.
A lot of people would have to go.
Like, certain races, or? I was talking about these two clowns.
Oh, okay.
Hello.
Welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, the only show that can hold the wall against the white walkers.
I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Okay, man, did anybody bring in a monkey's paw this week? The other day a guy brought in something that I remember from my childhood.
Oh, what's up, guys? How you doing? What is this? It's a original Donkey Kong machine.
Really? It's very '80s.
- Does it work? - Yeah, let me turn it on.
It takes a little while to warm up.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, wow.
- That's awesome.
- There he is.
There it is, huh? Now, as I recall, the original Donkey Kong, I don't remember it looking like this.
Yeah, there was a stand-up one, but, you know, they took some of the video games and made them, like, cocktail tables.
Yeah, the reason why they did this because bars got mad when they had the big arcade games.
There's no place to put a drink, so they made these cocktail tables so you could drink and play, feed the quarters.
That sounds problematic if you'd get angry while playing Donkey Kong.
I remember being chased out of a few bars in Highlands when I was a kid, 'cause every once in a while, the bars would have games that you couldn't find - in other stores in town.
- Yep.
Did you have that experience with video games? I mean, I got to admit, video games always befuddled me, even to this day.
Wait, the early ones befuddled you? "One or two players? How am I supposed to figure this out?" "How does this work?" Were you were you into Donkey Kong? Yeah, I remember being fascinated.
I think, um, I was about six or seven when video games really hit, and I remember when I was a little kid, I went to the mall.
I dragged my parents in the arcade, and I begged them to let me play Donkey Kong.
And my dad was like, "No.
"No, we're leaving.
Let's get out of here.
I'm not gonna let you play this.
" Finally, I made such a fuss, then he's like, "Fine.
Here, here's a quarter," and the game I chose to play was Donkey Kong.
I played the first level.
I died really quick, and he goes, "See? What'd you get out of that? Nothing.
You didn't get anything.
" And he dragged me out of there.
It was a lesson in not wasting money.
I'm so sorry we're so mean to you at times.
I forget that, like, you had the childhood that, like Like, Oliver Twist would have been like, "Wow.
His life sucks.
" Yeah.
But that's cool.
Where did you get this thing? Like, I've seen the stand-up.
I've never seen a cocktail table.
We moved into an apartment together after college, and we had a dining room, and we're a couple single guys, - like - Who needs that? Yeah, who needs a dining room? And so we found it off a guy on Craigslist who, you know, buys these machines and restores them.
Was this your dining-room table? Yeah.
When I met my fiancé, we would have her over for dinner, we'd just throw, like, a bedsheet over it and just, you know - Whoa.
- You bang on it? No, we So why are you looking to sell this today? I'm moving in with my fiancé, so we're kind of selling off all the cool - Of our bachelor pad.
- I'm sorry, fellas.
- The Stash is not interested.
- I understand.
You want a hand bringing it out to the car? Yeah, if you guys don't mind.
- No problem.
- Wait, wait.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I actually might want this for myself.
What? How much? How much do you want for this? I guess we were originally looking for, like, $700.
Would you take $400? Well, we paid $500 for it.
We'd like to at least get our money back.
If you want to do $500, we could do that.
- $500? - Wow.
I can't even believe you're contemplating paying $500 for this piece of junk.
- Sorry, fellas.
- These guys are like - Sorry, guys.
- Hey, no offense.
I'll do $500.
- $500? - Wow.
- $500.
- All right, thank you, Ming.
- You got it.
- Wow.
Walt, I have something I think you'll be interested in.
Bearing gifts, huh? Get the out of here.
- How you doing? - Hi.
How are you guys? Good.
What can we do for you guys? We were looking for a She-Ra statue.
She-Ra.
That's the He-Man? Yes, it's his twin sister.
Oh, okay.
I thought that Yeah, you didn't know that? No, I assumed that they were love interests.
I assume both.
Um, I don't think we have a She-Ra statue, though.
Well, I'm into anything She-Ra, really.
- Yeah.
- She-Ra.
Hey, man, didn't we get that score from Rob Bruce? Didn't it have some of the She-Ra Colorforms? Yeah.
I think I saw one in there.
Let me go check.
- All right, thanks.
- Colorforms would be cool.
Colorforms? Do you remember Colorforms? I love Colorforms.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Check this out.
- That's beautiful.
It is beautiful 'cause it's never been opened, never been touched by human hands.
So you know I'm gonna change that, right? Oh, if you buy this, you would open it? Absolutely.
I want to play with it.
A Colorform set unopened, never been played with - That's gonna change.
- That would It would almost be irresponsible of you to sell that to them, knowing I love Colorforms.
They're the greatest non-toy toy that ever was, 'cause what is it? It's a two-dimensional diorama.
There wasn't a lot of set-up or play involved.
You just peel them off and put them on the image, the background that there was.
The imagination needed to have fun with little vinyl paper dolls, and you did need to have an imagination.
'Cause you were done in 30 seconds, and then you were like, "Now what? Is this is the fun about to happen?" All right, now let's talk about some serious brass tacks.
So it's $75.
Could you take $40 for it? $40? Oh, I couldn't go that low.
I mean, look at it.
I mean, it looks like it was just made this morning for you.
I know, but it's going to a good home, and I'm gonna enjoy it.
It's not a puppy.
We don't care where it's going.
We don't care how bad the home life is there that this goes to.
What's the best do you think you could do? How about $55? But that's absolutely the lowest I can do on it.
Okay.
I'll do $55.
- Deal, $55? - Yes.
Deal, yes.
All right, $55 please.
You are getting the deal of the day, huh? The Walt Flanagan special today.
- Thank you.
- No more deals today.
You're positive you're gonna open it, huh? I am super positive I'm gonna open it.
Are you interested to see what's in there? Uh I remember they had a fragrance.
Yeah, good smell to them.
Colorform? You are right.
It was the smell of childhood.
- Mm-hmm.
- Exactly.
You know what? If you're gonna open it up, I wouldn't mind getting a whiff of it.
- There you go.
- Let's take a whiff.
You should do the honors.
You bought it.
All right.
I'm excited.
- Here we go.
- Too late now.
- Not any more.
- It just depreciated 50%.
Walt will now buy it back from you for $10.
- Oh, boy.
- Ready? - I'm ready.
- Ooh.
Wow.
- Look at all those colors.
- That is nice.
Yes, who would like to take a whiff? Oh, it's kind of lost its smell over the years.
Really? It didn't retain its scent? Yeah.
I got it.
I smell $50 worth of Colorforms that I'm in love with.
Happy? - Very happy.
Excited.
- It's nice.
Well, great.
I'm glad that you - Thank you, guys.
- Glad you dig it.
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
- See you later.
- Bye-bye.
Gentlemen, how's everybody today? - What's up, Roberto? - What's going on? I'm doing all right.
Walt, I have something I think you'll be interested in.
Oh, yeah? What's that? You got to open it up, man.
Bearing gifts, huh? What is this? Those are four all-access passes to this weekend's KISS concert at PNC Arts Center.
Get the out of here.
Oh, my lord.
If you want to win the heart, soul, organs of Walter Flanagan, all you got to do is throw out four magic letters for him KISS, man.
He's been a soldier in the KISS Army since childhood.
It was hard.
It was heavy.
It was it was everything that, you know, that a boy should be listening to who's ready to become a man.
No way.
- Where did you get this? - I got a friend.
He works for Doc McGhee, who's KISS'S manager.
I'm serious, man.
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to get backstage at a KISS concert.
Here's your opportunity.
I always thought it would come at some, you know, humiliating cost, you know, me and some roadie, but And there's something else.
When you get there, you go to the back door, - find my buddy Matt.
- Matt.
My buddy Matt works for the manager.
There's a chance that he can get you into the green room.
The green room.
And that's where, obviously, Gene and the guys hang out.
Oh, my God.
I've got the perfect item I'm gonna bring my 1977 Marvel Comic Super Special Number 1, the very first KISS comic, printed with KISS'S blood.
I'm gonna get that sucker signed.
Thank you, bro.
I'm serious.
I mean, it's KISS-tory.
I couldn't think of a better person, a better group of guys, to go see KISS.
- We'll make you proud, bro.
- Okay, brother.
Thanks.
I have the original cover to Wolverine number 8 by John Buscema.
Oh, my God.
Gene's back in the green room right now.
We'll go see if we can pop in and say, "Hey.
" I was nine years old when KISS came on my radar.
I fell in love with them the very first moment I picked up the copy of Marvel Comics Super Special number 1, the first comic book appearance of KISS.
So that was You'd never heard the music? The first Your introduction to a rock-and-roll band - was a comic book? - Absolutely.
The makeup was everything for me as a kid.
I had to know what this was all about.
I had to know, "What did this band sound like?" So I got my first record.
I traded some Mad magazines with a neighborhood kid for four KISS albums.
- That's a sweet deal, man.
- Oh, yeah.
Even back then he was ripping people off.
He was just training to run a comic book store.
Hey, man, how you doing? Good.
How are you guys doing? Good.
What's up? Uh, I actually wanted to show you today something you might be interested in.
I have the original cover to Wolverine number 8 by John Buscema.
Oh, my God.
I'm a gigantic John Buscema fan.
Where did you get this? When I was younger, it's like, I had some comics that I wanted to get signed.
I sent them off to John Buscema, and I didn't get anything returned at all for, like, nine months, and I just totally said it was a wash, and then all of a sudden, I got this package in the mail, and I saw this.
I got this.
He sent me this because he lost my comics, and then on the back of it, he actually wrote me a letter explaining what it is.
"Dear Christian, Sorry it took so long.
"I've been so busy, I forgot to return your books, "so I've sent you an original drawing.
"This was done for issue 8, "but I decided to do it over.
"That's why there are two covers.
"Hope it was worth waiting for.
Best, John Buscema.
" That's nice.
So this is his first pass, you're saying? - Right, yeah.
- And then he was like, "Ah, something's not sitting well with me.
"I'm gonna go take another shot at it," and that's the one he turned in to Marvel, - but he sent you the first pass.
- Right.
I-I can't imagine that happens often that, you know, an artist will go that extra mile and be like, "Here, I'll give you a cover.
" Not only would I not give you a cover, I'd throw your comics away.
Back in the day, wasn't the Hulk, like, 6'8"? And this would put Wolverine at, like, six foot.
Isn't Wolvy tall, though? Or is he short? He's a short guy? No.
Wolverine is supposed to be 5'4".
Oh, wow.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
Well, Hugh Jackman kind of, like Yeah, he doesn't look 5'4".
No.
He screwed it for everyone.
It was supposed to be Danny DeVito back in the '80s.
Wow.
What a different movie that would have been.
Apparently when they were first putting together a list of people who could play Wolverine, Danny DeVito's name wound up on it? Yeah, because Wolverine is, like, 5'3 ", 5'4", they were looking for diminutive actors who could fill the role, and his name was, like, on a short list, - and I remember - No pun intended.
No.
Yeah.
And I remember seeing someone had sketched a picture of Danny DeVito dressed up like Wolverine with the claws.
I mean, I guess based on the character alone, his character portrayal in Taxi, and also the roles he tends to take, the attitude is there, but I've never once looked at Danny DeVito and thought anything but Penguin.
Well, for me, I think this is the definitive cover out of the two.
I think that the drawing's better.
I know that proportion-wise Wolverine's supposed to be smaller, but I think it actually flows better, and it actually seems like they're looking at each other, because in the one that they actually published, I mean, they're so far apart that they can't have that sort of buddy-buddy camaraderie thing like they're supposed to in the cover, and I think that's why he did this originally.
So are you looking to sell it today? Yeah.
I'm looking to get, like, $3,500 for it.
$3,500, huh? See, this is one of those odd pieces, though, that it's not the published piece.
Oh, I know.
I know.
Well, would you take $1,600? I could do, like, maybe, like, $2,800.
$1,900.
That's as really as high as I'm gonna, though.
I think I'm still gonna pass on it, actually.
- You sure? - Yeah.
All right, man.
Well, thanks for bringing it in, though.
Hey, thank you.
I appreciate it.
Thanks a lot.
You know, any day I can look at a big John Buscema piece is a good day, even if I don't the chance to own it.
- Thanks, though.
- Hey, thanks a lot, guys.
You got it.
This is it, baby.
Looking good, Ming.
So it's the day of the concert.
We roll into the PNC Arts Center.
We do it up right.
You know, let's make an impression, 'cause I'm sure they'd never seen KISS in makeup before.
It's crazy, man.
The amount of, like, guff you give cosplayers, but you're like, "But if it's KISS, "if it's in Satan's service, then, yes.
- Cosplay in Satan's service.
" - I'm a wreck.
We have to find our contact, you know.
Hi, excuse me.
- Are you Matt? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hi.
Rob Bruce sent us.
- How you doing? - Oh, my Yeah.
- You look great.
- How's it going? You already got your passes.
Great.
He said possibly you may be able to hook us up? Yeah.
Rob gave us a call.
Gene's back in the green room right now.
We'll go see if we can pop in and say, "Hey.
" Come back this way.
I'll show you where it is.
Mr.
Simmons, it's an honor.
Who are you guys? We work together at a comic book store.
How'd you guys get back here? Uh Mr.
Simmons, it's an honor.
Who are you guys? We work together at a comic book store.
How'd you guys get back here? Um, it's always been a dream of mine to be able to actually be in the same room with you, so I could tell you just how much you and KISS have meant to me my entire life.
I appreciate it.
Um, I bought this comic book when I was nine years old, and that was the day I fell in love with KISS.
That's probably older than you are.
No, I bought it when I was nine years old off the rack in 1977.
That's a compliment.
He said you look good for your age.
No, no.
Actually, I didn't say that at all.
I've always wanted to get the KISS book signed by you.
- Okay.
Have you got a - I do.
It's like one of those out-of-body experiences.
I'm looking down on me, and I'm screaming at myself, "Say something, you moron.
" And what did you spit out? "I was made for loving you!" All jokes aside, you know that our blood is in that comic book.
Oh, I know it.
We flew up with Stan Lee, and we poured it in the red ink.
So 1,000 years from now, they're gonna be able to repopulate the Earth by taking an old copy of KISS comics, taking our DNA Forget Jurassic Park.
You'll have KISS park.
- Planet KISS.
- Yeah.
Already trademarked.
I'm serious.
So you're a huge comic book fan I've read.
Before you were born.
In fact, as a fan, as a 13-year-old boy, I used to send letters to Marvel.
Stan Lee finally sent me a postcard, but on the bottom, he hand-wrote in, "You will do great things.
Stan Lee.
" I thought it was, like, some message from the gods.
So I live it, breathe it.
In fact, I have Simmons Comics, and we have various KISS comics.
We have lots of stuff.
You're like a geek at heart.
Like, the coolest rock star that ever lived is actually a geek.
Yeah, but, you know, when you really think about it, all the stuff that we loved that used to be kids' stuff, it rules the world now.
It is the height of American literature in the 20th century.
I mean, obviously, somebody in KISS was responsible for the very comic book-y look and feel.
He's something of a geek.
I mean, he may be the biggest rock star on the face of the planet, but deep down he's a nerd like me.
Thank you so much, Mr.
Simmons.
I do have to get back to tuning this thing.
- Thank you.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- Thank you, Mr.
Simmons.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- Thank you.
- Nice to see you.
All right.
KISS is number one in our book.
- You're right.
- Thank you.
- See you later.
- Have a good show.
Bye.
All I hear about is what happened backstage.
Did you actually stay for the concert? How was the concert? All right, New Jersey! You wanted the best! You got the best! The hottest band in the world, KISS! - Yes! Aah! - Yeah! Oh, it was awesome, man.
I mean, we got the choicest seats in the house, and we just we just let it all out, man.
We it was no inhibitions at a rock concert, baby.
And I bet you a bunch of people in the audience look at you guys in your makeup, and they're like, "How are we to know that that's not the real KISS?" "Where do we look?" We tried to rock it like it was 1977 style and everything, but it's hard to deny that, you know, it's not 1977 anymore.
My neck was killing me, man Oh, dude.
From head banging.
Come on.
You can't be in charge of the KISS Army and be like, "My neck hurts from honoring Satan.
" And just like the Overlook Hotel, man, we're closing up just when it looks like we're getting started for the season.
For Comic Book Men, I'm Kevin Smith.
Bryan Johnson.
Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Remember, kids, always rock and roll all night and party every day.
Good night.

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