Common Side Effects (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
- What if there were a
medicine that could heal,
like, almost anything?
But what if they didn't
want you to know about it?
Marshall Cuso.
- Rick, what would happen
if I brought this company,
like, a new product?
Frances, can we meet up?
Some people are following me,
and I brought my tortoise.
There he is. That's the guy.
He was poking around downstream
from one of our
dump sites in Peru.
American guy. Gringo.
♪♪
[ Children shouting ]
One day one of the local
kids got bit by a stray dog.
♪♪
Our guy shows up, gave the kid
a blue mushroom he'd foraged.
Wound gone. Kid's
healed instantly.
He was stirring up
trouble, this guy.
We thought we got rid of him.
That crash he was in? No
one should have survived.
♪♪
That's it? That's the story?
- Yep.
- What do you want me to do here?
Tell the National
Security Council?
I already told the DEA.
They're handling it.
Oh, Cecily.
I'm here in Washington.
I'm not meeting senators.
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
I'm not seeing my old
friend, the president.
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
I'm meeting you.
We put you in the administration
because we thought you
knew how to be useful.
We hoped that you'd be
more supportive, Cecily.
We share mutual interests.
- Jonas, I was assured they put
their two best agents on it,
Copano and Harrington.
- And yet they failed
to apprehend him.
I'm not sure you understand
how serious this is.
Connor here works for
Reutical Pharmaceuticals.
You don't think this
has implications?
Connor, show her.
- I keep one on me at all times
since I saw what it can do.
[ Inhales deeply ]
[ Exhales ]
[ Screams ]
[ Grunting ]
Aah!
[ Coughs and grunts ]
[ Breathing heavily ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
[ Groans and sighs ]
What the fuck?
[ Sighs ]
Yeah, I'd say it's
pretty impressive.
If this mushroom gets out,
it would be the single
greatest destabilizing force
the world has ever seen.
We've already begun
clearing the valley.
But if it's escaped
I'll call the DEA right now.
24/7 stakeouts,
whatever it takes.
- Cecily, I've decided to
supplement your efforts.
I'm putting some of my own
people on Mr. Marshall.
- Ah-ah, Jonas, don't tell me
anything I don't want to know.
- This is the most
dangerous man in the world.
And we need to get the
situation under control
[whispering] before
it gets out of hand.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Frances, are you still there?
- Yes. I'm here.
- Can you meet me really fast?
I have to get out of town.
I have something to give
you. Once I do that
- Okay, can you just
slow down for a second?
- What is going on, Marshall?
- Just listen.
I'd rather not say
much right now.
People are after me.
- What? W-Wait. Which people?
- Um, at least one
federal agency.
Look, just, if we just meet
in person, I can explain.
Okay. Yes, yes. Okay.
Oh, there there's this place
that makes ramen burritos.
- Ramen burritos, uh,
do sound interesting,
but maybe not right now.
Frances, I've gotta go.
Meet me at the fountain
in Tompkins Square Park.
- Wait, Mar Wait. Marshall.
Babe.
- Babe!
- Yeah. One sec.
Fish on the line here, babe.
- Yeah. I have to
run out real quick.
Fucking, um, Rick has a problem.
- Gah! Come to Daddy!
[ Game beeping ]
Mm! Fuck yeah!
You gotta go, like, right now?
- No, I know, I
know, it's so dumb.
Rick just called, and
he needs someone to
All right, cool. Hey, babe?
Pick me up some
cheese. We need cheese.
I'm sorry. We need cheese?
What kind of cheese?
Uh, the good kind.
Has a cow on it.
♪♪
[ Gasps ]
♪♪
♪♪
[ Breathing heavily ]
♪♪
♪♪
Marshall?
Marshall?
♪♪
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Snoring lightly ]
- Hey!
- Ah!
You're in big trouble, pal.
Yeah, you can't
stay parked there.
It's a fire zone. Keep
moving, all right?
Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
All right, buddy, I
gotta make a quick call.
Tie up some loose ends,
then we'll hit the road.
How's that sound?
Oh, Socrates. Are
you feeling okay?
Okay, actually, I know
someone who can help.
[ Birds chirping ]
- Yep. Just sit tight till
then. Grab some lunch.
- Got it.
[ Cellphone beeps off ]
They want us to wait
for a mycologist.
- Mycologist?
- Mushroom specialist.
- Yeah, I know what
a mycologist is.
They don't trust us
to find mushrooms?
They want an expert.
God, I love this thing. The
budget on this case is wild.
I don't get it.
They're acting like this
guy is mushroom El Chapo.
- He's not as bad as
some of our other cases.
He didn't dismember anyone
and dump portions of them
in different swamps.
Mm. Fair. I forgot that one.
Nah, this guy, he's he's
feeding ducks every night.
Yeah, those ducks.
Every night, 6:00 p.m.
It's like they got
an alarm clock.
- Do you think the ducks
will come back tonight?
I bet they will.
You'll bet, huh?
Okay. Unfortunately,
Zane's the one guy
for tortoise medicine,
so let's just get through
this as fast as possible.
♪♪
[ Bell jingles ]
Oh, come on, is that
a flowerhorn cichlid?
He can't have that in here.
Oh.
Hey, Marshall.
- Oh, man. Zane. What
are you doing, man?
What are you doing here?
- Well, it's kind of
a long story, Zane.
- [ Yawns loudly ]
- Listen, I've got this
sick tortoise, and it's
a bit urgent, so
- Where'd you get
this little guy?
- Is he from Madagascar?
- Zane, I
Because I do not do business
with tortoises from,
uh, Madagascar.
- He's not from Madagascar,
Zane. Look at this shell.
He's from Peru. Okay?
- Um, can you do
the thing with me?
- Damn it, Zane. Come on.
- I wanna do the thing.
- Half-brothers
are real brothers ♪
Half-brothers are true! ♪
- It wasn't that
hard. Thank you.
- Great. Okay, great.
Zane, please, I
- [ Yawns ]
- Zane.
- What are you doing here?
- Buddy? Please?
I-I've gotta get going.
People are after me.
- Why don't we let's
just see what we can do.
♪♪
♪♪
[ Frantic music plays ]
[ Stomach gurgles ]
Um okay!
We'll just start here with
a little Melaleuca, camphor,
mild aromatic, analgesic
for any discomfort.
Marshall, you're not very
good at this. [ Laughs ]
Oh, you know what would be
good? Thalassia testudinum,
crude fiber and protein,
dicalcium phosphate, kale,
calcium carbonate, lysine, dried
kelp, ascorbyl polyphosphate,
and a little lecithin
just to be safe.
Top it off with some
sun-dried river shrimp
and some soybean meal,
and he'll be good to go.
- Here you go.
- Okay. Thank you, Zane.
Uh, namaste. I gotta go.
Actually, [chuckles]
maybe you just wanna
leave him here with me.
[ Chuckles ] A gorgeous
specimen like this?
[ Laughs ] He needs the proper
care of a responsible expert.
Uh, no.
- Was I a good brother, Marshall?
- Zane
- Was I at least as a
good as a half-brother?
Was at least half good?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Well, um, cool, cool.
Are you gonna pay for
all that shit or?
[ Sighs ] Okay.
You're not gonna see
me for a while, Zane.
Good luck.
[ Bell jingles ]
Bartender, pour me another ♪
[ Song continues indistinctly ]
♪♪
- They executed a guy
in Alabama last night.
You know what his last meal was?
Onion rings.
Onion rings?
- Yeah, just onion
rings. That's it.
Pssh. Nah, my last meal,
I'm having filet mignon,
fries, and hashbrowns.
Caesar salad. Ooh, but,
like, mostly the dressing.
What do I care about
lettuce if I'm dying?
Martini, olives. Oh,
and I got to have
- They don't let
you have alcohol.
Come on. It's my last meal.
It's still prison.
In fact, in most states,
you can only get stuff
they already make in
the prison cafeteria.
Really?
So you can't get, like,
Pizza Hut or something?
Not in most states.
So where do you think he went?
- Who?
- The guy. Marshall.
Somebody's not telling
us something here.
I'm not complaining.
We got to spend some
time in the country.
- Two agents, overtime,
motel room, per diem.
That's a lot of resources.
- In the grand scheme
of things, I don't think
your three egg-white omelets
were that big of a deal.
Nor was my burger,
chicken fingers,
and on our regrettable
first day, tuna melt.
- This might look
like individual fungi,
but their mycelium
communicates with each other.
If a fungus needs help,
the network knows and
transfers sugars, water,
and minerals to
a friend in need.
You think you're looking
at a different fungus,
but what you're seeing
is a single intelligence.
- Because what does
fungi do? It adapts.
We poison the planet.
So how do they respond?
They only get stronger.
The blue angel mushroom
rumored, never found
could have massive potential,
effects on humans 100
times more effective
than stem-cell therapy, than
anything we've ever seen.
- I'm on 'shrooms
and I'm at the store.
What is my life?!
- What? Why would
you go to the store?
- Ugh.
- Oh!
- Is that you?
- Oh, uh, no.
No, just some research. Yeah
- Hey, listen, you wanna
go to lunch with me?
What? Oh, I mean, um, yes.
Um, is this, like,
a firing-me thing?
Because if it is, I
- Jonas Backstein canceled
on me, which is not good.
Jonas the Wolf?
- Never use that
nickname. He hates that.
I just don't want to waste
my reservation at Tuh.
It was impossible to get.
- Yep. I know. I'm
the one who got it.
Neat. So you'll come?
Um, okay. Yeah. Just, um
It's actually pronounced Té.
- Sure. Yeah. Whatever.
Reservation is 1:30,
but I guess you know
everything about the place.
[ Quiet background music plays ]
Hey, could I have more
of that squid-ink foam?
That was delicious.
Ah! Well, the company is
just completely fucked.
[ Slurps ]
They brought me in as
CEO with one job
settle the huge fucking
lawsuit that's coming at us
because of the depression
and the suicidal thoughts
that were a side
effect, allegedly,
of Spumiva, which, you
know, no one talks about
how much arthritis we
alleviated, but fine.
Anyway, it turns out the
surviving relatives are
I was at the deposition.
They were really
Ah, their stories? A
jury's gonna be in tears
at some of this shit, and
that's not good for us.
- Right.
- [ Sighs ]
And then the testing's
coming in on Omcutizane,
and it is not good.
We're basically just selling
people hope at this point.
Which arguably is
better than nothing.
[ Skeptical] Mm.
- Your squid-ink foam.
- [ Sighs ]
Then the North Carolina dump
situation is a whole mess.
The attorney general down there
is like a monkey on my back.
I don't even want
this. Do you want this?
- Oh, uh, no, thank you.
- [ Sighs ]
Frances, do me a huge favor
and tell me some good news.
- Okay, here it goes.
Um, Rick, do you remember
that new medicine
I told you about?
I think that it could
really be something.
- Frances, we have
hundreds of people
who literally just
find new medicines.
You really have
something they don't?
- Well, yes. Well, okay,
it's a little weird,
but I ran into this guy
I knew from high school.
He's upstate, kind of a
shaman sort of weirdo guy.
But, anyway, he
found this mushroom.
Mushroom? What kind?
- Well, it it
works like stem cells,
where it, like, heals
everything in your body
- Is this thing worth
my time? I'm super busy.
I honestly think it might be.
I think I should go after it.
Well, where is this guy?
Just talk to Mario at the
garage, get my Beemer.
- You want me to go right now?
I mean, I did have some wine
- It was mostly just
whites. You're fine. Go.
Okay, okay.
I guess I'm going.
Go save this company.
♪♪
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
- Hello?
- Rosie. I got raided.
- Fucking government. If
it's not the Forest Service
fucking you on your
firewood permit,
they're raiding your house.
Yep. I'm done.
Let's go with the
plan we discussed.
You know what to do?
I know exactly what to do.
But I'm out here splitting
logs. You know what, though?
I'll get the
Mulvaney twins on it.
- The Mulvaney twins?
Ugh. If you have to.
Just, Rosie, remember,
just get my animals,
- burn my notebooks.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Burn the notebooks from
under the floorboards.
- Got it, got it, got it.
- Aditditdit. Okay, okay.
Just keep it small. Stick
to the plan. I gotta go.
♪♪
You have arrived.
- Hi, Marshall. About
your mushroom
No. Okay. Just be natural.
Just be natural.
♪♪
♪♪
Uh, Marshall?
Marshall, a-are you here?
It's Frances.
[ Man speaking indistinctly ]
- Oh!
- I'm telling you, man.
So Rosie said get the guy's
papers and then do the burn.
- Yeah, look at that other room
over there, I think, probably.
No, sitting up on top
there. [ Door opens ]
Come here. Come on.
Go on, you rascal.
[ Door closes ]
Oh, shit. Oh, shit, shit, shit.
Oh, shit.
♪♪
Give that over here.
- Louis, it's papers. It
doesn't have to be that big.
- No, it don't. But
it is. Deal with it.
Ah, shit!
You fucking idiot!
[ Coughing ]
[ Smoke alarm beeping ]
[ Gasps and coughs ]
Oh! [ Coughing ]
[ Panting ]
Oh, shit, shit.
Oh, shit. Come on.
Come on. Come on!
[ Tires screech ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Engine revs ]
♪♪
You hungry, bud?
We'll grab a burger when
we're out of the city, okay?
I know, I know. Hold the
patty, extra lettuce.
♪♪
♪♪
[ Honks horn ]
♪♪
♪♪
[ Horn blaring ]
[ Panting ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Please. Please.
[ Panting ]
Oh, my God.
♪♪
Amelia? Mushroom expert?
- Mm-hmm.
- I hope you don't mind,
but we're kinda in a hurry.
Gotta catch some ducks.
They're not gonna be there.
So because of the leak,
there was actually a mushroom
growing in my drywall.
Yeah, they can grow anywhere.
I wonder what that was?
Peziza domiciliana, maybe?
- Maybe you can
give me your number.
I can text you some
pictures of it.
- I put it in as
"Amelia Mushrooms."
- Is that really your
last name? Just kidding.
- That wasn't here this morning.
It's a Super Contact Six.
You see many BMWs around here?
Now, that's interesting.
The hell?
♪♪
[ Ducks quacking ]
♪♪
- Hi. This is DEA
Agent Harrington.
We're at a scene here,
where we executed
a search warrant yesterday,
and there's been a fire.
- From what the DEA is
saying, it sounds like arson,
but there's still no sign
of this Marshall guy.
[ Panting ]
[ Bell chimes ]
- Final boarding call
for Lakeshore Limited,
final destination
Chicago, Illinois,
with connections west.
Just sit tight, buddy.
♪♪
- Did you have any
luck tracking him down?
- It seems, uh, I may have
underestimated Mr. Marshall,
but we will escalate.
Just keep me in the loop.
We'll get this guy, I promise.
[ Line disconnects]
- Connor.
- Yeah?
- You gave us all the
mushrooms that you had?
- Mm-hmm. Yep. All of them.
- You understand that
wherever this mushroom exists,
it must be destroyed.
♪♪
And you didn't try
to sell any, did you?
- Look, did I have
a conversation?
Sure.
You know, I'm just
exploring my options here.
I mean, come on,
give me a break.
[ Gunshot ]
[ Upbeat guitar music plays ]
♪♪
- Every time I
ooh-ooh-ooh talk to you ♪
I get the feeling
what you might do ♪
Every time I talk to you ♪
Afraid it might be the last ♪
Well, every time
I see your face ♪
I get the feeling
what you might do ♪
Every time I talk to you ♪
Afraid it's
gonna be the last ♪
♪♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪