Cow and Chicken (1997) s02e06 Episode Script

Dream Date Chicken

Why don't you take a hint from your sister
and take out the garbage?
Stop raggin' on me!
Why do I always have to do
everything around here?
Honey? Talk to your son.
I've had just about all I can take.
Listen here, Chief.
When you're all grown-up and living life
like some hopped up and crazy bachelor,
you can sleep on a pile of garbage
for all I care!
But as long as you're living under my roof,
you've got to live by my rules!
- But
- That's it!
I'll have no back-talk, Mister!
You're grounded!
Where are you going?
I am runnin' away to be a bachelor
with cousin Boneless Chicken.
No one tells him what to do.
He just lays around his cool bachelor pad
and does whatever he wants.
Hasta luego, adios, Cow!
Adios, big brother!
Chicken's a grown-up bachelor.
And I'm all alone.
I want to be a grown-up bachelor, too!
Oh, couz? Cousin Boneless?
You's home?
Help me, boy!
I need to shave
and get ready for a hot blind date!
When was the last time you took a shower,
Boneless Chicken?
Does gettin' mauled by a slobbering
Saint Bernard count as a shower?
Let me help ya's out there, Boneless.
Man! This here bachelor life
is the life for me!
Hell-wo. I'm Winda.
You must be Bone-wess Chicken.
I kinda expected you to be owlder.
Not that I mind you being young
and strwapping and all,
instead of old and feeble.
Yeah, but your date is old and feeble.
He's my cousin, Boneless Chicken. See?
Pleased to meet me.
Oh, say,
Why don't you come a-wong, too?
That is, if you don't mind, Bone-wiss?
Mind? Mind?
Now why should I care
if you ruin our romantic adventure
by dragging along
some snot-faced chicken?
Oh, you're a funny one, Bone-wess.
So, if you're a blind date,
how come you can drive?
Where's your seein' eye dog?
I was kinda hopin'
you'd bring a seein' eye dog.
You're hil-ware-ious!
We're gonna have a bla-wast!
Yeah! The time of our lives!
Oh, how I wuv the ocean, Chicken.
How Chicken wuvs Winda.
Oh, sorry, I wasn't w-istening.
Oh, Sea Food and Milk. How romantic.
Care for some milk with your crabs, Sir?
Yes, ma'am!
Could I please have a straw?
Got no bones here, pal!
Need a straw to drink!
Straw for the boneless guy?
What an incredible day!
I think that you are incredible, Linda.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna be incredibly sick.
Wing or thigh?
Oh, Chicken, you're so adorable.
Adorable, my hiney!
Thanks for everything, Linda.
That was the best and only date
I have ever had.
What a wuv-ley thought, Chicken.
You know, you're the best chicken
I've ever dated.
I will never wash my eyeball again!
You're under arrest
for being a runaway chicken!
You, too, Winda!
For contributing
to the delinquency of a chicken!
Okay, men!
Get ready for your punishment!
About time he showed up!
I called the authorities hours ago!
Whatcha doin', Chicken?
I'm bee-flyin'! What does it look like?
Oh, can I fly him?
Only men can fly bees!
Here's your dumb bee!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Tisk, tisk. An inflamed tear gland.
Yet another
Chronic Crying Syndrome Sufferer.
I believe your crying problems stem
from an allergic reaction to civilization.
According to my calculations,
the best climate
for Chronic Crying Syndrome Sufferers
is located fifty-seven miles east of Bermuda
in the middle of the ocean.
But Mr. Weasel, I can't swim!
Worry not.
I'll figure out a way
for Chronic Crying Syndrome Sufferers
to live comfortably
in the middle of the ocean
without fear of drowning.
For, I.M. Weasel. Okay, then?
Branding! Branding! ♪
Coming for to here, Sea Horsies!
Time for to branding your butts!
Good horsie! We be the reins.
I.R. Baboon.
We must almost be there?
My tears have slowed to a snail's pace.
Yes. By my precise calculations,
I believe we have arrived.
Drop anchor.
I.R. at last Master of own density.
Please, please, don't worship me.
I've only done my duty.
While I'm below, please help yourself
to my hospitality bar.
Hospitality bar?
Well, I'll be going, then. I
My, what a vibrant out-cropping
of Baboon Butt Coral.
I should take a sample
back to the clinic to exam later.
Hey! Keep pinchers off merchandise!
You? What are you doing down here?
I.R. living here!
Free rent! Free food!
And best part, down hereno Weasel!
I.R. Queen of Ocean Floor!
What you're doing is impossible!
And may cause irreparable harm
to your lungs.
Weasel, go away!
I can't leave the poor creature to drown.
Let I.R. go!
Be calm, Baboon.
I'll let you in through my escape hatch!
I.R. no going inside metal pants!
I believe it's time to run like a spotted ape.
I.M. Weasel!
I hereby claim this island in the name
of Chronic Crying Syndrome Sufferers
Hey, guys, look!
Weasel built us an island!
I hope they save me
some of them weenies!
Oh, my!
This island's still too hot for habitation.
Weasel making plans against I.R.
I.R. find out what!
Hey, look at that funny jellyfish!
That's no jellyfish!
Quick, citizen! Grab me!
Sweet mother!
He has the bends!
We've got to get him
into the decompression chamber!
I hope the nitrogen bubbles
don't foam up his brain
and cause delusional hallucinations.
Hello, boobie.
Who are you to I.R.?
Well, I might be the Tooth Fairy,
or I might be the King
and Queen of Cheese.
And I might be your Fairy Princess.
Weasel plans to dispose of all
Chronic Crying Syndrome Sufferers!
He's gonna stick 'em all
in an incinerator, and poof!
This big chance for I.R.
to be hero for change!
Don't blame us! It's his foamy brain!
Baboon tracks.
Just as I thought.
What have you done with my patients?
I.R. wave bye-bye to Weasel!
Patients fine.
No more need Weasel.
Is that true?
We're fine. No problem.
Lowly Weasel. I.R. pass hat for you.
Now go on vacation, far away from I.R.
Well, I guess I could use some R and R.
Nothing like fishing to clear one'smind?
Holy mackerel!
By relocating
the Chronic Crying Syndrome Sufferers,
I've ruined an entire ecosystem.
They were the earth's water source.
I must remedy this situation at once!
A little Chronic Crying Culture.
Dab it on my tear duct.
These yoga classes have really paid off.
As the beauty of nature
and all things good inhales
a renewed breath of life,
let us give pause and thank the man
who made it all possible.
I.M. Weasel!
Thank you, Sir, for those kind words.
But I only did what a
any decent human being would have done,
concerning the circumstances.
Well, that's the way I must live my life for
I.M. Weasel!
And so,
everyone drowned in Weasel tears.
I just love sad endings!
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