Cowboy Bebop (2021) s01e08 Episode Script

Sad Clown A-Go-Go

1 Please, you don't understand.
He's an experiment gone wrong.
Let there be light.
They say he's the best hit man in the solar system.
You can't let him out.
He says we can.
So we will.
This isn't someone you put in the world.
We hooked him on Red-Eye to control him.
It's why we invented the stuff, but it scrambled his brain.
That, and the time he spent fighting on Titan.
He's a violent, homicidal loose cannon.
Well then, he sounds like my kind of guy.
What's your name, soldier? LeFou.
Pierrot LeFou.
He hates dogs.
Not just dogs.
This is insane.
There's a reason we call him Mad Pierrot Thank you.
Care to return the favor? Do a job for me and you'll have all the Red-Eye you want.
What is the job? Kill Spike Spiegel.
Come on.
Come on.
Damn! When do I get to go? When it's your turn.
But you already hit the things.
Pretty sure you get two throws per turn.
This sport is weird.
Jet claims it is relaxing.
Why are we here? Because it's family time.
And during family time we do fun things together.
Like bowl.
Clip it.
Clip it! Aw! Damn! I can really see how this helps you find your inner Zen.
Just roll the ball down the lane, smart guy.
Get my mojo going.
- Of course.
- Faye, you're up next.
I'm going to get us some beers.
Wait, it's bad luck to bowl when the ball's on the way back.
Faye! Hello? Like the bowling gods give a crap.
Be free! This game sucks balls! What is happening? Well, after recent events, we wanted to do something special for you.
Guys, I don't even know when my birthday is.
Yeah, that's why we decided to make today your new birthday.
You two are the sweetest dickheads a girl could ever want.
Just don't sing.
- 'Course not.
- No, we'd never.
Happy birthday to you Typical.
It's my birthday, it's my birthday Wait, hold on.
That makes me a Virgo.
I don't know if that works for me.
You know, you're right.
A typical Virgo is intelligent, practical, reliable.
Oh, bite me.
I'm a total Virgo.
I didn't know you were into all that astrological wu-wu.
You know, I'm deep.
I'm layered.
Like nachos.
- That's a good thing you did back there.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- I'm not all bark and bite.
Come on, man, the world's your toilet.
Guys What the actual fuck? Oh, shit! Run! Shit! Help me.
Vicious sends his regards.
- We've got to move.
- No shit! Ein! Did you see the fire-power that guy had? - Who the hell can afford all that? - Get the burn kit bag! Third shelf.
Do you think someone sent him after us? I mean, I've pissed off plenty of scumbags in my time, so maybe it's payback? Come on, come on.
Sorry, pal.
Do you have any enemies who'd hire someone like that to kill you? I've got something to fix it.
Where's the burn kit bag? I'm coming, I'm coming! - And his face I mean, his face.
- I'm going to fix you up, pal.
- Hurry up! - Yeah.
That guy was such a creeper.
He looked me in my eye and he was like, "Die, die, die.
" Not now, Faye.
Here's the bad news.
This might hurt.
Might? Will.
You'll probably pass out from the pain.
Cigarette? Not a chance.
You're gonna want this in your mouth instead.
I saw a guy, he was way less banged up than you and he got one of these chem treatments, and he was crying like a baby.
Not helping.
Bite down.
Hey! Where are you going? Where are you going? To talk to someone, to help me figure out who this maniac is.
Let him sit in the solution for 15 minutes, wrap his arm, and get him in bed.
Thank you.
Hey, thanks for coming, Woody.
When you called I hoped we'd be meeting some place more, um Candlelit.
But after doing the digging you asked, can't say it got my whistle wet.
Must be bad.
You usually get a kick out of this kind of stuff.
This is dry-mouth, cold-sweats bad.
- Are you joking? - Making a point.
Your boy here is a phantom.
Scrubbed cleaner than my bikini line in the summertime.
No sign of him ever existing.
Now, who has that kind of access or money for this level of invisibility? Special forces, black-bag outfits, Syndicate.
Since when did you have that kind of heat on you? Never.
Yeah, well, I had a feeling you're into clean living, even in your dirty business.
But what about your partner? What about him? You ever run a search on the guy? I mean, saving my life was his job interview.
You know, he pulls my bacon out of the fire, I don't question his integrity.
Yeah, well, I took the liberty.
And your partner, Spike Spiegel, he's even less conspicuous than the Phantom.
You've got issues.
I got all sorts of 'em, but not my partner.
Thanks, Woody.
I owe you.
The greater the tab, the greater the payback.
So protect that ass of yours, Jet.
I'm going to want what's mine.
See you, Woody.
How you doing? I'm all right.
Those blue balls are worse than the fire.
Oh, man Good thing I brought something for the pain.
- Is that - Yes, it is.
From the secret-secret stash.
Monkey Punchy Jamaican rum.
Distilled on Old Earth, before The Fall.
I thought all you had on this ship was whisky.
This is for medicinal purposes only.
Easy, Ace.
It's a sipping rum.
I was sipping.
What are we toasting? Getting our asses whooped? I'm toasting you being alive after throwing yourself at that maniac when he came at you.
What did he say to you? - Who? - The maniac.
I saw him talking to you.
- Now I'm friends with him? - You're my friend.
No need to keep secrets.
I think you had a little bit too much of the Monkey Punchy, pal.
Thank you.
Listen, he yelled, "Die, die, die," at Ein.
I told you.
There's something fishy about that dog.
Initiating neural link.
No! No! Begin downloading his memories.
Go to your happy place.
Go to your happy place.
Go to your happy place.
- Oh, you're awake.
- Scooch, I need the gizmo.
What for? I need to figure out who that hit man was in the alley.
- Hmm.
- What are you doing? Making a list of everyone I've ever pissed off.
Come on, Spike.
The guy said something to you.
- Who is he? - That's what I'm trying to find out.
You can look into this guy all you want, you're going to come up empty.
And what makes you so sure? Because I've already researched him.
Yeah? You did research into why this guy hates dogs? Enough with the bullshitting already.
You can tell me if you know this guy.
Uh Ein? Spike Spiegel.
I have travelled all this way to take your life.
I will kill your friends.
I will destroy your ship.
I will rip your heart out.
I'd rather you didn't.
You will face me or see all that you love destroyed.
You have two hours.
Or the killing begins.
The dog plays movies from his eyes.
From his eyes! I have seen so many things That you, the dead, Would never believe All these moments will be Soon forgotten Like tears in the rain It's time to die I know what you're doing.
Step aside and let me.
Not on your life.
You're going up against a military-grade killer.
And you think you're going to go at him alone? The guy's got a force field, Spike.
It's ablative armor.
It diffuses kinetic energy from explosives and fast-moving bursts.
It's useless against a blade though.
If I can get close enough, I might be able to What? Draw a drop of blood before he tears out your lungs? That's not going to happen.
I get that you think that.
With your past and all.
I know who you used to be.
Do you? A man with your skills only comes from one place.
Where'd you serve? Shoulder of Orion? Titan? Tanhauser's Gate? Look, I get it.
You're on some kind of Special Ops team.
There's no shame in that.
I know how a man's deeds can follow him around and haunt him.
I don't want to talk about it.
Well, be that as it may, you're on my ship now.
My team.
If you want to go on a suicide run, you've got to go through me first.
Me too, nut-bucket.
All right.
- I'll set a course for Earthland.
- What do you think about the dog? I mean, I'm just saying I kind of like the dog.
It's fuzzy, cute, but It shoots video from its eyes.
That's probably not the least it can do.
Your shedable shackles.
Time to lock you down, Vicious.
We agreed it would only be you and me.
- When we see the Elders, sure, but - Send your men away.
You're one paranoid parakeet.
And you're not? We take my ship.
Just you and me.
We made a deal.
With my ship, my men can at least track me if you decide you want to eat my testicles for tea.
Lose the guards, lose the ship or lose the deal.
Scram! Don't be afraid.
When I return, everything will be different.
And for the better.
I love you.
I know we've been through this a dozen times, but we're fighting a nearly unstoppable assassin here - We don't know if he's unstoppable.
- We know.
There's one of him and three of us.
That gives us a tactical advantage.
- Right, war hero? - War hero? Since when? You two ruck the muck together? Is that where the bromance was born? We marched in the Battle of Mind Your Own Business.
Let's get our shit together, guys.
All right, once again Phase One.
Spike takes the ship from the bay.
flies it down to the park, walks the rest of the way.
Then Spike does like the killer says and faces him down like a man with no dread.
Which leads to Phase Two.
Unknown to our killer, Faye's flying down in her Red Tail thriller, and while he's distracted staring at Spike, Faye fires flashbangers in a dazzling first strike.
- Paving the way for Phase Three.
- What's with all the rhyming? It helps to retain the plan.
I saw it in an old Lee Marvin picture.
Paving the way for Phase Three.
When Jet flies the Bebop into the atmosphere, and fires a grapnel like a man with no fear, puts the bad man into the sinkhole, and puts in some gas to finish our big goal.
I feel like we need more phases to get the meter going.
I like the meter just fine, smart guy.
I didn't come up with this plan to fail.
Or to lose either one of you.
I want to hear it again, with feeling.
Phase One.
Did he or did he not approach you and Mao with the treacherous plan to murder us? He did, Your Excellencies.
- Treason.
- Treason.
By his own weapon.
You should have known better, Vicious.
You've disappointed me, boy.
You've always disappointed me.
You shouldn't have made Julia sing.
Don't be rash, boy.
I have always loathed that term of endearment.
I would have preferred "son.
" It's a crime Mother is no longer with us to witness this.
She did always want us to be closer.
Well, I'd say we're having a proper father-son moment now, aren't we? A true heart to heart.
Didn't you dream that one day I'd prove myself to be man enough? How about now? You You're nothing but a scared little boy.
You will never be anything else.
I beg to differ, Dad.
then he drops the bad man into the sinkhole, puts in some gas, to finish our big goal! Can I say something? Yeah.
Poisonous gas feels a little intense.
So you're a pacifist now? Uh What else am I supposed to do with a canister of poison gas, hmm? I've had this stuff sitting on a shelf for years.
I finally get a chance to use it on somebody Fine! Fine! Forget I asked.
We've got a lot riding on this.
And we only get one shot at it.
Let's do this thing! Really? It's like that? Yes! Phase One, here we go.
I'll ping you when I'm ready for Phase Two.
Spike! Can you hear me? Bonjour, Captain! No.
No, no, no, no, no, no! Did what I think just happened, really happen? If you think that every one of our ship's systems got knocked out by a multipartite fractal cascade virus.
We got rid of the dog! How did the assassin break into our system? It wasn't the assassin.
Spike did it? - He really didn't want us to go, did he? - No, he didn't.
He fried the fusion module and lame-ducked us.
Son of a bitch! It's going to take at least an hour to replace.
Did you truly believe I would trust you with my life? That I didn't have a plan? Tell Julia I'm sorry.
For making her sing? For failing to deliver your head to her.
Hello, boy.
Let's party! Ah! Oh.
It hurts, Mommy.
It hurts, Mommy! It hurts, Mommy.
Why, Mommy? Hello, sweetie.
Don't get up.
Did you have a good day? Mine was good.
Bloody good.
And I have a feeling it's only going to get better.

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