Cracker (1993) s01e03 Episode Script

To Say I Love You, Pt. 1

I who have nothing I who am no-one Adore you And want you so I'm just a no-one Wiith nothing to give you, but oh I love you He He buys you diamonds Bright Sparkling diamonds But believe me Hear when I say That he may glve you all But he'll never love you the way I love you He can take you to any place that he wants To fancy clubs and restaurants But I can only watch you with My nose pressed up against the windowpane Yeah yeah I who have nothing Did you win? Second? Downtown I'm Tina.
Can't get a word in edgeways can I? Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh Sh Sh - Sean? - Yeah.
Downtown We're gonna be all right.
.
Woo-hoo-hoo! I like karaokes.
You can go on your own pretend you're one of the singers.
Or go with one of'em.
Thanks.
Coffee? Sugar? Yeah.
- Hello Fitz.
- Hello.
Graham -Fitz.
Heard a lot about you.
ErI've only booked for two.
We're not stopping.
You want me to come home? Oh wait a mlnute - You want me to come home? - Who is this? Graham is my therapist.
Judith you don't need crap like that! more than therapy.
I need a trip to Lourdes.
- I can understand your hostility.
- Oh can you? Judith's told me things, intimate things, so you feel vulnerable.
- Jesus wept.
- Threatened.
- I don't think you should evade - I'm not discussing anything in front of this talking bloody textbook.
Fine.
Bye Fitz.
No, no, cancel that last statement, Judith.
You want me to come home? Yes.
Why? I think Judith needs to hear it.
Waiter, a plate of humhle pie for Herbert Lom there, please.
We're not eating, thanks.
Why do you want me to come home? Because I love you, that's why.
Diet Coke.
I'll come back on three conditions.
First, you go to Gamblers Anonymous.
Aw, it's run hy wankers for wankers! I'm involved in the local branch.
I rest my case.
- It's just about the best in the country.
- I bet you it isn't.
Second, we put the house in my name.
My sole name.
And third, we change the current account so that each cheque needs two slgnatures.
Well? Waiter, could I have a very sharp knife, please? My wife would like to cut off my balis.
I used to enjoy that, Fitz, the way you'd toss a hand grenade into the conversation, sit back and watch it go off.
But now it's boring.
The way you probe is boring.
The way you analyse is boring.
Your search for the bloody pure motive.
It's as boring as living with the bloody Pope! Would you get me a gin and tonic? A large gin and tonic for the lady, please.
Well? My gambling.
Is that boring? I can thlnk of a lot of words to describe it, Fitz, but noboring wouldn't be one of them.
No.
Life needs a bit of risk, Judith.
A bit of Bogart and Hepburn in The African Queen.
I prefer Judith and Fitz on the straight and narrow.
Come on.
Give me ten mlnutes.
I want to show you something.
Just tell me whether or not we have a deal.
We've been married 20 years, Judith.
What's ten minutes? That disgusting smell is my son's feet, by the way.
We've tried everything bar amputation though that's still a possibility.
Well! Whoever lives in this house obviously has - Get to the polnt.
- .
.
extremely expensive tastes in clothes! I bought you this when Cool Ground won the Gold Cup, and this when Doctor Devious won the Derby and this when Party Politics won the National.
- I've shared in your winnings, is that it? - Exactly! And why do you thlnk I left them all behind? Are you lonesome tonight?.
Do you miss me tonight? Are you sorry we drifted apart? Does your memory stray To a bright summer's day Do the chairs in your parlour Seem empty - We've got nothing.
We get our giro on Wednesday.
- I'll pay you back then.
- Telly.
Shall I come back agaln? What are you? Hey! Hey! Open the door! Tina, what's going on? You might as well glve us a bit more time.
There's nothing here worth taking! Tina! Tina, what's going on? Ahh! Tina! Stay.
Tina! Tina! Aargh! Aagrh, argh! The bastard's name's Cormack.
My ccc Your cups? He took them.
I'll ask my parents.
Get some money from them, pay that bastard off.
Get your cups back.
- It's on the stairs.
- Walk.
It is! You're not going down there, Sean? No! No! Sean! No! Bingo.
Bluegrass muslc Yee-ha! All right geezer! - Here.
- Ahh! You'll make me crash.
Can we come in? You can come in, but he can't.
Where did you get the car? - You're moving? - Yeah.
Where did you get the car? Sean bought it.
He's working.
You never told me you were moving.
We tried, but we didn't know where you were.
Where's he working? Some haulage firm.
Can you get rid of that? Whlch one? Oh, I'm not sure where.
But he's working, right? But I'm not sure where.
Wiil you lend it me, or not?.
Sammy's upstalrs.
Yeah? Well, go and see her.
Hello, Tina.
- Will you lend it me or not? - Not.
Get rid of him, come back with us and we'll talk about the loan then.
- Oh What? What will Cormack do? Yeah.
They said they would've given it me, but they're a bit short.
Well, they're moving house soon, as well.
And that's not cheap, you know.
Estate agents screw you, lawyers screw you.
Carpets, curtains - Petrol? - Ye-eah.
- You're lying.
They think I'm crap.
They told you to get shut of me, then they'd give you some money.
You and all.
You think I'm crap.
- You're ashamed of me.
- I'm not.
Listen, where are you going? Sean! Hey! I love you, right? Hey, Billy-no-mates! I love you! OK? I love you! The bus.
But we haven't got the fare.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Here, this fella's going a bit fast, isn't he? - We should've stopped there! - Love, you've gone past the bingo! Stopl Stopl - You've gone past, pet.
It's just like Bonnle and Clyde! Look, all I want to do is to talk to my wife, OK? - That's a clvil matter.
- Exactly! But we've had a complalnt.
That's a police matter.
If you don't leave these people in peace, I'm going to have to arrest you.
You're kidding.
- Come on you bastard, let's have you! - Is everybody OK? You all right? You all right, love? Nobody's hurt? We've got you now, you bastard! Name? I'll I'll I'll write it.
I need to hear it.
Kerrigan! What? You heard.
No, I didn't.
Y-you heard.
I didn't.
It's a good job we've got all night.
- K K K Kerrigan.
- Sit down.
- My name is S-Sean Kerrigan.
- Sit down.
- Sean Kerrigan! - Sit down! And I want to see Tlna! I want to see Tlna! - Sit down.
You can phone.
- All I've done is stole a vehicle.
- Sit down.
- We're not on the phone! - Tough! Just sit down! - I want - Sit down! - I want I want to see Tlna! Aargh! Let go of me! - Aagh! - Calm down! Get his legs.
Aargh! Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go of me! I want to see Tina! I want to see Tina! He's throwng fits, Fitz.
I'm in custody, Custardy.
You scratch my back Ten minutes George.
Let me out! Let me out! I've got to tell Tlna! - Hell,o Sean.
- Who are you? My name's Fitz.
I'm a psychologist.
I don't want a psychologist! I want a lawyer, right? So piss off! Just do one right now, right? Just do one! You're not exactly winning friends and influencing people! Will you get rid of that fella, will you? Will you get him out of my sight? - I'm not gonna be responsible for my actions! - Out.
- I'm not responsible if that walking turd - Out! .
.
stays in here much longer!.
All he's done All he's done is wind me up, right from the start! That's all he's done wind me up! - Sean, Sean, Sean.
- OK? Calm down.
I want you to tell my bird where I am, right? She needs to know where I am! She'll be going off her She must be going off her cake wondering what's happened to me! She needs to be told! We're not on the phone so a phone call's no good! - Do you understand? Right? - Yes.
Calm down.
Oh God.
I feel as though I'm speaking a foreign language! No-one understands what I'm saying! - Calm down.
Calm down.
- D'you know I need to tell a woman called Tina, right? Tina Brien.
I need to tell a woman called Tina Brien where I am.
- It's essential! Do you understand? Essential! - Right.
- That means very, very necessary! - Right.
- Do you understand? Very, very necessary! - Sean, Sean.
- It's very, very necessary I contact Tina.
- Sean.
Calm down.
Calm down.
I'm here to help you.
Let go of mel Let go of me.
Let go of me, right? Let go of me right now, or I won't be responsible for my actions! Right? You butt me, I'll butt you right back harder, OK? Now calm down.
Deep breathing.
Deep breathing.
Easy.
Let go of me.
So where does this Tina live, then? With me.
Where's that? III.
I I-I'll write it.
I-I'll write it.
It's a loser.
- You don't stutter when you're angry? - No.
Cos it's the first thing that comes into your head, before it even comes into your head.
You don't see the words so they don't frighten you.
That's right.
There's speech therapy.
I'vetried speech the-ra-py.
I'm fine if I talk like this.
But this isn't me speaking.
This is some dickhead! So you'd ratherget angry? S S-S-S Occasionally.
Sometimes.
Sometimes.
S-Sometimes yeah.
Sometimes I get angry.
Sometimes.
You don't mind me helping you? Some stutterers do you know.
No.
Get me out of here.
You must let his girl know where he is.
I'd like him remanded on ball for psychiatric reports.
- Fortaking and driving away? - He needs help! Bollocks! I wound him up a bit that's all.
- I'm talking prevention here.
- Prevention? I want 20 serious crimes a day.
I enjoy them.
They pass the time.
Ovies, as well.
Bollocks to prevention.
- Will you take a look at him? - Beck's the officer in charge.
I know, but he doesn't have to find out, does he? I'm up for promotion Fitz.
I'm keeping this clean.
Promotion! Oo-ooh! I'm dumbstruck.
Well, well, well.
You can see your daughter tomorrow, hy the way.
Meanwhile consider yourself cautioned.
We're going to put you on probation for two years, Sean.
It'll take time to arrange this.
in the meantime, you're to report to your local police station every two days.
Failure to do so will result in a custodial sentence bearing in mind the reckless nature of your action.
Bastard! That bastard Cormack! - Hey, it's OK.
- Bastard! Have you got a problem, eh? Got some sort of a problem? It's OK, Sean.
- Hiya! - Daddy! How are you? Where would you like to go? - The park.
- OK.
What would you do if if a great big dinosaur came out of that lake to eat us? I'd say "Eat Katle first.
She's young and tender as a lamb chop.
I'm a stringy old T-bone steak.
" You wouldn't! No, I'd get one of those railings, sharpen it up and stab it through the heart.
- You wouldn't have time to sharpen it.
- No that's true.
Um Oh I'd do what Tarzan does.
You know when the alligators try and hite him, and they open up their jaws and he sticks a bit of wood in, so they can't snap 'em shut? I'd do that.
No, I know what I'd do, I know what I'd do.
I'd bang it over the head with a mallet, I'd leap up and bit it over the head with a mallet, and I'd keep leaping up, and hitting it, and hitting it until it got smaller and smaller, and you know what it'd be then? - What? - A tiny sore dinosaur! - Not bad! Da-ad! What an interesting bell! - Can i see Judith, please? - Come in Katie.
No, I'd like to hand over my daughter to my wife, thank you.
- Dad please.
- She doesn't want to speak to you.
Goodbye.
You train that dog to bark at me quite specifically, of course, don't you? You train it, don't you, you ill-natured old Polack bastard! Do you mind? It's nearly mindnight! Dad.
Dad! Are you going to come inside or not? Dad! Act you rage, not your shoe size, eh? Would you show a bit of consideration? That's all! A bit of consideration! Dad, come inside, will you? You're a bad joke! You're a really bad joke! Jimmy Tarbuck wouldn't even use you! Aw.
- Yeah? - Hiya.
Can I have the cups back? The little silver cups? Huh! I'd be very grateful.
Who is it?.
Business! At this hour? What's up love? I've got it! I've got his moneyl Sean! Uh - You - Me? YouI - The things you let him do! - I didn't.
- You did! You hleeding did! - I wanted you to stop him! I wanted you to stop him doing those things.
It's an orange Mk III Cortina - The body's that way miss.
- Thanks.
Gas.
It expands on the way down.
Makes you feel as if your gullet's going to explode.
You look terrible.
If I was a house I'd be condemned.
- DS Giggs.
- Yeah? How do you do? - DS Beck.
- How do you do? - So, you work on this murder enquiry together? - That's right yeah.
- How long for? - All part of the team for as long as it takes.
Nikki Price researcher for the Lenny Lyon TV Show.
DS Penhaligon.
- How do you do? - Hi.
- And Dr Edward Fitzgerald.
- How do you do? I pay Fitz a retainer.
He helps me out now and again.
Right.
Kevln Cormack, loan shark.
You take the wife.
Tea, sympathy and everything she knows about his business.
Jimmy, door to door, both sides of the alley, statements from everyone.
- Are you all right? - Yes sir.
- Get on with it.
- Yes sir.
You look worse than he does, Fitz.
It started raining about one, he was found at five.
That's four hours of rain we could have done without.
- You all right, Nlk? - Yeah I'm fine.
- Cup of tea or anything? - No, no.
What did he use? - Brick.
- Came from here.
So why didn't your husband conduct that business here? Why was it a back alley? Will it delay the claim? - Insurance? - Yeah.
Posslhly.
did you see this man? No.
Did you hear him? Yeah.
A male voice? It was definitely a male voice? Would you get out of my shop, please? There's two killers.
One male, one female.
The female leads him up here for sex.
The male is hlding behlnd there.
He's strong.
He thlnks he can kill him with his bare hands.
He has second thoughts, pulls the brick out.
Absolute bollocks! - 45 quid.
- We're conducting a murder enquiry.
Your money where your mouth is.
Giggsy.
That's where you're wrong Fitz.
Right Cormack's murdered there.
Right? You don't go up an alley to have sex, then have it in the full glow of a street lamp.
Hold that.
- It's broken.
- It isn't.
I checked.
Get Panhandle.
I'd like that wall checked for human hair, OK? Right.
He steps out he comes down.
Bang, bang, bang! Giggsy drops down.
He grabs his accomplice by the hand, they start running up the alley.
Do you remember the soldiers coming back from the Falklands? Just about.
Remember all the women lining the quays, waving their knickers and bras in the alr? Patriotism? No.
Lust.
Some of those men had killed and those women wanted them.
- What is death Panhandle? - The finest aphrodislac in the world, Doctor.
Right.
There a button off a pair of Levi's.
Somebody undid his trousers in a hurry.
There there's long strands of hair.
So what happens is, they run up the alley, they stumble and they fall.
They help each other up.
They're frightened, but they're turned on, too.
So - excuse me - he pins her to the wall, he tears at his trousers, the button goes flying and they have sex, great sex.
The earth doesn't just move, it registers 8.
9 on the Richter scale mass-evacuation-of-southern-California time! Rip-roaring, riveting, shaking, shuddering sex.
You're sick.
Give or take a tremor, yeah.
I'd sooner watch Arsenal! Checked out the wife.
No boyfriend, no money troubles.
Uh there's an insurance on him, but it's shirt buttons.
He had a few bits on the side, but she knew nothing about it.
She's in the clear.
Giggsy and I are checking through everyone who owed him money.
I've been upstairs to talk overtime.
He's not prepared to sanction it yet.
Till it's sanctioned, we use every resource avallable to us.
Fitz is one of those resources.
He's not the fount of all wisdom.
Jimmy.
Jimmy.
We're paying him good money, so just shut it and listen.
Right.
You've all got his profile in front of you.
Study it.
We're going to release it to the medla tomorrow morning.
OK? - Uh, tonight.
- What? I'm going to be talking about it on the Lenny the Lyon Show tonight.
- You're going on Lenny Lyon? - Yeah.
- She wanted me.
- She must've changed her mind.
- Why? - I don't know.
Is summat tickling you Jimmy? - Have you heard a funny joke? - No Listen if you've heard a funny joke, let's all hear it.
I haven't boss.
I've organised a press conference tomorrow morning.
Till then keep shtum.
Don't mention it to anyone especially Lenny the Lyon.
- OK? - Right.
So what did you ask me the question for? Because I'm interested.
You're nosey.
You're voyeuristlc.
You get turned on hy suffering just like - forglve me- your brain-dead vampire audience.
So why are you here? I'm here because I thought we were going to have an intelligent discussion.
But apparently not.
You make Barrymore's show look professionall I mean what is it with you people? You've been queuing all day to watch this crap In the vague hope you mlght see yourface on television - is that it? For God's sake! All right.
I'll tell you what you want to know.
She is young and attractive.
She'd have to be, or he wouldn't have gone up the alley with her at that time of night.
She's probably been on the game, so'll have a few convictions for soliciting.
He's young too, and very strong.
He was sure he could take his victim with his bare hands.
He only picked up the brick at the very, very last minute.
He didn't mean to kill him, so it's an organised robbery and a disorganised murder.
But something happened.
Something snapped.
He's got a volatile personality, so he probably have a few convictions for violence of some sort.
And they're together, these two.
They trust each other.
They're a team.
They live together.
So they're probably in a bedsit, a council flat, a squat, -something like that.
-Dr Fitzgerald, thank you very much.
I'm afraid that's all we have time for.
We do hope you'll tune in tomorrow.
Thank you.
Good night I'm f He said nothing.
I'm I'mf f Young, strong and impuisive? That's every bloke in here.
It means nothing.
F F - You're frightened.
- I'm frightened.
Frightened.
Frightened.
He said He sald He said you were on the game.
He lied.
He lied.
He was winding you up.
You want to go to prison? Is that what you want? Sh Is it? Go to prison? Never see each other again? Is that what you want? Then we stay calm right? Sean! They're called suckers Mum.
They don't grow flowers.
They just take all the goodness out of the soll.
- Solo King.
- Likes a right-hander.
Good to firm.
Running at Chester.
That's a tight left-hander.
Doesn't stand a chance.
That's the one I'll have then.
Mum, it doesn't stand a bloody hope in hell.
It's neverdone anything on a left-hander in its life.
You couldn't plck your nose, never mind a winner.
AhJust My Bill.
Just My Bill.
It ran quite well last time out.
Stable's coming on form.
If it gets the conditions, it stands a good chance.
Then that's the one I'll leave alone.
Ooyah! Shit! Sugar! What is it? A wasp bite.
A bloody huge thing! it's a tiny wee thing.
Dry it.
No on the kitchen towel, not my tea towel! There we are.
Ta.
Did you watch it then the Lenny Lyon Show? No, I went to the bingo.
- Lenny Lyon did you see it? - I was out.
Ah right.
Where? At the pictures.
Who with? A friend.
What klnd of friend? A friendly friend.
- A male friend? - Yes.
- Graham? - Yes.
I gave you strict instructions not to talk about it! - They'll kill again.
- We don't know thatl I know that! They screwed after they did it! I don't have time to hang around and stroke your ego, your bloody publicity-seeking ego.
Yes! Forensic found human hair at the scene of the crime.
It matches what we found further up the alley.
Long traces of dye, probably female.
- Yes? - Nothing.
Fitz! Fitz! Hey Fitz, I need you.
You know, I need you.
You exploit the fact that I need you.
- 90 quid.
- Giggsy's still holding it.
Yeah.
S-18 to Control.
Hlde.
- Christine Brien? - Yeah? I'm a police officer.
Can I come in please? What do you want? Did you know a man called Kevln Cormack? No.
I was told you knew him.
Can I come in? - I owed him money.
- I know.
If you pay it back, fine.
lf you don't, fine.
It's no business of ours.
Thanks.
- You know Kevln Cormack was murdered? - Yeah.
- You want a coffee? - No, thanks Sit down.
Thanks.
Can you think of anyone who'd want to kill him? Anyone who ever met him.
He was a bastard.
- I've got to ask this, Christine.
You understand? - Yeah.
Where were you around midnight last night? At my parents'.
Till? Tillabout two.
You live alone? You won't tell the Soche? No.
My boyfriend stays occasionally.
- You live alone? - Yeah.
You're not married? Divorced.
You're a bad liar.
I know.
It doesn't matter.
Oh I never touch 'em.
I've uhgot a problem.
My boyfriend'll be in any minute.
I don't want him to know I owed money to Cormack.
I could call back.
When? Whenever's convenient.
Tomorrow night? What time? About ten? Right.
Thanks.
See you.
See you.
I lied to him.
He'll find out I lied to him.
We've got to kill him.
We'll do it tomorrow.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode