Crawford (2018) s01e12 Episode Script

1 (VOICE): Previously on "Crawford": BOTH: Rockaberry Fruit Drones! Your cereal is not happening at retail.
The product failed.
SHELLERS: Japan is going crazy for this.
This video's going viral.
You've gotta finish that record.
- I will.
- Wendy, will you BRIAN: No! Are you seriously proposing to my sister? You take my company cars to go and threaten some hillbillies with flare guns, - 'cause that's how I got fired.
- I've agreed to pay these men off.
(VOICE) Money for camera.
It's 60 grand, give him the frickin' camera.
And then.
Yes! You don't get to just walk away like this, Cyn.
- Bryce, I can't go to U2! - No! Get in the car, now! Blockin' me in, huh? Blockin' me in! (THUD) I can't do this anymore.
(RACCOON CHIRPS) I'll miss you.
There's definitely more than there ever were before, but honestly, I can't explain how they're getting in.
Yes you can explain it, Don, you just won't.
What's that supposed to mean? You're making it easy for the raccoons to get in - because you like them.
- It's not that simple, Mom.
You could've been doing something constructive with your time, like workin' on your album, but something's just stopping you.
No, I've finished all the bed tracks it's You know, great art, it takes time, Mom.
Yeah, especially when raccoons are controlling you.
No, raccoons do not control me, I control me.
Then explain this.
Come on, I wanna show you something.
(TRUCK RUMBLES UP) (DOORS SHUT) Surprise, Spicy! Hope this isn't a bad time.
- No.
- You got our message? You know why we're here? Yeah, yeah, I do.
You're here for more money.
But guess what? I'm not paying you a cent more.
(DOOR OPENS) (LOCK CLICKS) Let me tell you why we're not gonna pay you any more money.
Please.
These two dishonourable men burnt their own truck.
(BUTTON CLICKS) The proof is in the camera itself.
Meta-data.
Seriously, are you guys that dumb? - I thought you deleted those? - I deleted it.
I deleted it.
That's Photoshop.
Those pictures are a year old.
Old? Well, a forensic detective said those pictures were taken 3 hours after we put the fire out.
It's over guys, there's nothing more I can do.
(VOICE) Pay Manny back.
Pay him back? The money's gone.
We got these jeans and, and Glyde's truck.
(VOICE) Sign it over.
As your lawyer, I'm going to advise you that's the best course of action.
All right, just give him the keys, okay? (KEYS THUD) - Gimme those jeans.
- What? Gimme those jeans, I like the pockets.
No way, freak! Gimme those cool jeans right now! Okay, okay, okay, okay! Ow! - Should be ashamed of yourself.
- Ashamed of what? It's a clear case of police intimidation.
But, you know you're also some, some nice guys who got caught up with some really stupid ones.
Happens all the time.
I get it.
Now look, if you're ever in trouble, here's my card.
Have a great day.
Your father found the two-way door in the roof.
Hmm.
Wendy found the little water system you rigged up in the walls.
And then there's the matter of this little beauty, the feeding tubes.
You are feeding and baiting the raccoons into this house, and turning away professionals hired to deal with them.
The raccoons are destroying our home.
I know, and you're right, and I don't know why I'm doing it.
You know, have you ever done anything that you-you do it and you do it again, and you do it again? You don't know why it's happening.
I've been thinking about it, and maybe I shoulda got help, but for me I think it's gonna be best if I sort this out on my own.
And I think I'm strong enough to do that, so I've decided that I'm gonna break up with the raccoons, and I'm gonna get back together with Manny.
That's great! Good for you! Thank you.
How are you doing with everything? - Oh - Since, you know.
Yeah, fired, yeah.
I'm just getting my head around that now, but I'm gonna send out some resumes.
Yeah, you can't keep a good woman down, Don.
Someone out there is gonna like my cereal.
(PHONE RINGING) Taylor, what's the status of Wheat Rock Drones? Uh yes, price point problems and some employee issues.
Which is not uncommon for big cereal launches.
Hi Vern.
You know why it failed to launch? Dumb name.
Wheat Rock Duuuumb.
Was that Vern's idea? Oh wait, more like, who cares? Nobody.
Especially people who want to make money.
And guys, no sugar, duh.
I'm making the dumb guy sound, understand? The mega cereal, and the original name, Rockaberry Fruit Drones, the ones the Liza Minelli girl had on TV.
All my markets, you guys produce, we distribute.
Very standard deal.
Let us get some numbers together - and make a call next week.
- Call in a week? Too late! Don't you get it? You don't get it.
Call me back when you know what you're doing, you dumbasses.
Hattori, out.
(DIAL TONE) Hattori's markets are incredible.
This could be huge for us.
Vern, we don't own Rockaberry Fruit Drones, Cynthia owns Rockaberry Fruit Drones.
Remember her? We fired her.
We own Wheat Rock Drones, the name that Mr.
Hattori thinks is dumb.
We own the dumb name.
We have to talk to Cynthia.
(GLASSES CLINK, RELIEVED SIGHS) Thank you so much, man.
Thank you.
Thank him! I'm off to work! Oh, I miss work.
You know what I miss most about work? Customers.
Because when my customers are happy, it makes me happy.
- DON: Hey, Manny, hi.
- Hey.
Do you um, maybe wanna come for dinner tonight, as my guest? I'd love if you were here.
Yeah, how can I refuse? (BLOWS KISSES) (DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS) (VOICE) We need to talk about the voices in your head.
Sure, Dad, we can talk.
(PHONE RINGS) Ha, someone's callin' the old family phone.
Hello? Yes.
Taylor? Um, yeah, uh Okay, yeah I'm glad you had the old number that's uh No, it's okay.
Um, today? Fine.
Fine, okay.
Is that Vern? I'll see ya soon.
(HANGS UP) Wow.
That was Taylor and Vern.
They were crying.
It's so great to see you all.
Brian, Darrell, and Wanda.
Cynthia, is there a place that we can talk in private? Yeah, sure.
Hey guys, Vern and Taylor wanna talk to us in private.
TAYLOR: I was wrong about your cereal, and Vern was wrong to talk me into firing you.
And he's sorry.
I'm sorry.
And look, we have an amazing opportunity here to do some big things with this viral thing.
Oh.
You've seen the news from Japan.
Yeah, they seemed to really like my original.
- Rockaberry Fruit Drones name.
- Yes, they did.
And thankfully, we can still make it.
We have the assembly line ready to rock the Rockaberry.
Good one.
If you accept our apology, we stand to make a tonne of money here.
What about the car service arson situation? What arson? (LAUGHS) Oh, well we can totally overlook that.
Oh you, you can? You can overlook that? Oh good.
Good, 'cause it never happened in the first place, dumb pricks! Well, you guys got totally played by a crooked mall lawyer.
And in the process, you know what? You lost your best cereal executive, and your best cereal.
Yeah, I would call that wrongful dismissal.
Yeah, you guys totally played yourselves.
Yes, we did play ourselves, Brian.
And thank you so much for that helpful comment.
Look, you can do whatever you want with Rockaberry, but we can put this altogether, and we can bring you back home to us.
Where you really belong.
- We - Listen - Can I - Did - Okay.
- I just wanna say something.
- Okay.
- Just listen to our offer.
Go ahead.
We wanna make you a full partner, Cynthia.
And, we wanna have another shot at the cereal.
And to top it off, Vern and I will just stick with cardboard and packaging.
And that's where we belong.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
All right.
That's great.
Oh, and Vern, we have something for you.
You remember your jacket that went missing from work? Well, Brian found it at the Midtown Adventure Mall parking lot, of all places.
It's my Froot Loops jacket! I'm sorry it's a little dusty.
Oh that's okay.
That's okay.
Doesn't matter.
- Oh man.
- Wow, that looks great on you.
- Oh, I know! - And Taylor, if I come back, Shellers comes back, Devon comes back, and the cats come back.
As you wish, Cyn.
Let's do it right this time.
- Right! - Vern.
- Yeah, thanks.
- Ah, thank you, baby.
(VAN ENGINE RUMBLES, TIRES SQUEAL) (DOOR SHUTS) (ENGINE ROARS) (DOOR SHUTS) (SIGHS) (RUMBLES OFF) (KEYPAD BEEPS) (GARAGE DOOR OPENS) (FOOTSTEPS THUD) (HIP HOP PLAYS) (KNOCKS) Trippin' the wall to the B side High, if you fall on the - Wendy? Can I come in? - Yeah, it's still your room.
Right.
Oh, you shoulda seen Dad and Manny take care of those Everley's and that lawyer.
It was so sweet.
- So you were there? - Yeah.
- And Manny? - Yeah! Okay.
- Is everything okay? - I don't know, is it, Brian? Yeah.
Seems like it.
You just don't get women, Brian.
(CATS MEOW) (PHONE RINGS) (CATS MEOW) (CEREAL CRUNCHES) (MEOWING) (CEREAL CRUNCHES) - Ugh.
- CYNTHIA: Hey, Dev.
Hi, Cynthia, I just got to your office.
It's a complete mess.
You need to come in and see this.
- What would you like me to do? - Dev, sorry, not comin' in.
Got a serious family dinner, you have got this.
I have utter faith in you, okay? - Understood? - Bye.
Vern! I need you to do a few things for me.
Hi.
What's with all the smiles? Oh, I'm not smiling.
Am I smiling, Dev, Dev? I am smiling.
You wanna know why? Because remember my new cereal that you are no longer part of? Ah! Pew! Pew! It was greenlighted.
- You greenlit that? - Yeah.
- Good luck.
Replace the carpets, steam the curtains.
The nose prints on the window panes, and Shellers' desk area please, tidy it up.
Thank you.
(PHONE RINGS) (DEV CLAPS) - (HOWLING) - Hey uh, what's with the howling? Oh honey, Don is finally getting rid of those raccoons.
Okay, fair enough.
Uh, Dad, I heard that you finally squared away everything with the Everley's, and that you brought Brian along.
I really, really would've liked to have helped.
(VOICE) The men are dangerous.
Okay, so too dangerous for me, but not too dangerous for that classic badass, Brian.
Okay, then.
You know what, she's glowing.
I think she's met someone.
Yeah, yeah, she's found someone new.
(HOWLING) (MIC FEEDBACK SQUEALS) Quig? Yo, Quigley! You guys hungry? (SMACKING HIS LIPS) Food? (OPENS AND CLOSES DOOR) (WENDY GASPS) Ah! I-I'm Dale, I'm from the band, Don's friend.
I'm well I'm not in the band, it's tour promotions, mainly.
I'm really branching out into a lot of things.
I'm just staying here for a few days.
Okay, cool, um, I'll tell Don.
(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS) Hey, sorry to scare you guys, just need a place to crash for a few days.
- Shh.
- You know, get back on track.
Set up a couple tours, whatnot.
Why don't you just stay for dinner? What is that? We're gonna make this dude eat in the garage, is that If he doesn't mind eating in the garage, that works, right? Yeah, garage.
No, I like the garage.
- No, don't.
- You know what, I'll be in the garage.
That's what we do now? (VOICE) I don't hear raccoons.
Are they gone, question mark? Yes, they're gone.
Exclamation point? What? What are we talking about? I'm Mom, you can bring home Sunbeam and Raisin now, okay? Don, thank you.
Here you go.
Oh he uh, he seems a little dehydrated.
He's got stuff for that.
There better not be any Brussels sprouts in that, Mom.
- (DROPS UTENSILS) - Wha! - Dude, with the Theremin? - I know, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I put it together on the bus.
Just in time for the new record.
- Uh, how's it comin'? - Um What's wrong? The record, the tour.
I didn't do it.
I didn't finish the record.
Whadda you-whadda you mean you didn't finish the record? Why? Really trippy shit with raccoons, man.
Raccoons stopped you from makin' the record? Whadda you mean raccoons stopped you? I know how it sounds, but that's what happened.
- It sounds crazy.
- Yeah, it's crazy.
(DOOR SCREECHES) Uh Dale, this is Manny.
Manny, this is Dale, my roadie, promoter.
Hi.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Thank you for coming.
- No, of course.
Sorry, I wanted to like, get cleaned up and stuff before you got here, but uh, I've been thinkin' about the past and I I got a sense you thought things were starting up again between us, so I just wanted to talk to you about something, - if that's cool? - Yeah, okay.
Uh, I'm seeing someone new.
His name's Lincoln, he's in a band called Sumerhassy.
Sumerhassy rocks, they totally smoke live.
- Yeah, they're okay.
- Lincoln.
- Lincoln from Sumerhassy? - Yeah.
Yeah, don't make this more difficult than it already is.
- No, it's great.
No I'm - I love you, I just wanted to be honest with you, that's all.
I'm I'm happy for you, Manny.
You deserve to be happy, so I'm happy for you.
I want you to be happy, too, right? Hmm.
Thanks.
I'll go see if your mom needs some help inside, okay? - Okay.
Yeah.
- I'll see you.
- See you later.
- Yeah.
So raccoons, huh? You got sober brain.
- Sumerhassy? - Told you.
You really like Sumerhassy, Dale? - You lose your creative juices.
- Is that for real? Raccoons stopped you from making a record.
We're all gonna sit down and talk about some positive changes for this family.
(RACCOONS CHIRP) (VOICE) I thought I had things under control.
I made some bad decisions that put the people I love in danger.
I accept some of the responsibility.
(RACCOON CHIRPS) (VOICE) But it was the raccoons that started this.
It was raccoons.
- BRIAN: Nice, Dad.
- Can I go next? Yes, the raccoons.
The raccoons.
Well, nobody's more aware of the raccoon issue than I am.
But I would like to assure you all, that we are now raccoon free.
So you know, I'm gonna live a healthier life and Whatever people say at this shit.
Actually, Don, Brian wanted to talk first.
- After you, Brian.
- Thanks, Mom.
I'm the happiest I've been in a while.
I have it all.
Everyone's together.
I'm grateful, and I wouldn't change a thing.
I-I do have a confession to make.
Uh, for the past few years I've been struggling with bending signs around the neighbourhood.
You know when I get stressed, I bend signs, just bend them.
And when they're all bent I I feel relieved.
Okay, Don.
Yeah, um, (CLEARS THROAT) I'm going to not piss anyone off anymore.
Because I'm pissing my own family off, and I'm pissing raccoons off, and I'm pissing myself off.
I'm not good enough for some people.
And um So I think uh, I'm going to try to stay away from raccoons, for real, this time, and I think I'm going to uh, I'm gonna make the best record of my life.
And I've already chosen the title, it's called "Barefoot Bandit".
Okay, okay Don, wonderful.
That's good council.
All right.
So I guess it is my turn.
Uh, well I will no longer be seeing Bryce, for the time being, until the family's back on track, you know.
And also, Owen, I wanna share in your hobbies.
I wanna go crazy on stuff with you.
Like like space! Cool! I mean, that's awesome! Hon, I find all that stuff neat too, okay? So no more secrets.
(HAPPY GIGGLES) (VOICE) I love you.
(PATS OWEN) Hey, Wendy? Hey, Wenners, Wenners? - Do you wanna go? - Okay, yeah, um I am also going to be making some positive life changes.
Um I'm engaged! I'm getting married! (DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS) (DARREN SIGHS) Hi! Yes.
It's true.
I guess we're gonna be family now, huh? That'll be kinda nice, right, Manny? Family only.
No, Wendy, Wendy, what are you doing? Not this guy! I thought we were friends.
What is this, this is a joke, right? Wendy, what are you doing with this guy? Seriously! Fancy pants! If you are gonna sell us a toilet, you'd better do it now because we are getting married, whether you like it, or not.
Okay? And Brian, you bald, little weird little boy, Prancing around like a girl with that wig on in the mall? You promised you wouldn't tell anybody! (SLAP) Ugh! I don't need a wig.
Why would I need a wig - when my hair is growing back? - (GASPS) Oh, Brian! That looks great.
You're doing something that everybody else does, - grow your own hair.
- (ELECTRICITY FIZZLES) Oh, Don, it's your buddies, the raccoons.
- (RACCOONS CHIRP) - No, just gimme a break.
Just gimme a break! Guys, we had a deal! No! - (RACCOONS CHIRP) - Okay, okay.
We're just gonna go.
We're gonna hit the road uh, we're gonna take a little bit of a road trip.
Uh, I won't be gone too long though because you know, I actually got a job at the Midtown Pool Hall, and I start next week, so get out.
- DARREN: See ya, Pops! - Get out.
Get.
(DOOR CLOSES) Owen! Let it go, okay.
This is not happening.
This is not happening! DARREN: Wait, Wendy! Come back! Wendy! (THEREMIN MUSIC PLAYS) DON: Dale! Dale, can you please stop playing the Theremin? - This really happening? - Yeah, it just happened, and he is out of his mind! I mean, you saw what he just did! (DON PANTS) (RACCOON PURRS) Chewing their way through the walls.
It's not happening.
It's not happening.
(VOICE) Don, can you hear me, Don? (WALL THUDS) Don't worry about Wendy.
Don, it's me, Dad.
Over here.
See that's what I wanted to talk to you about, we don't need to use words anymore.
I'm talking with my mind! Just like you! Isn't that crazy? Hi! - (WALL CRACKS) - (RACCOON CHIRPS) Subtitle corrections by