Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (2015) s03e13 Episode Script

Nathaniel Is Irrelevant

1 Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Rebecca.
Trent?! Oh, my God! What are you doing here?! I'm gonna have to blackmail you into being my girlfriend again.
You should know by now that I'm not interested.
I thought we were written in the stars, but I guess I was wrong.
Feeling a little emotional.
I think it's 'cause everything in this town reminds me of Darryl.
The three of us are just gonna have a baby together.
It's no big deal.
PAULA: We don't keep secrets and we don't lie to each other, okay? We've discussed it and we don't do it.
Trent doesn't just have dirt on me.
- He has dirt on you, too.
- Oh, my God.
REBECCA: Turns out I'm not only good at ruining my own life, I'm really good at ruining other people's lives.
I'm gonna mail him my poop, but tell him it's cupcakes.
I slept with my ex-boyfriend's dad.
JOSH: You kidnapped my mother! REBECCA: I may have ordered a hit on Nathaniel's girlfriend, Mona.
I mean, sometimes I do things that aren't great.
NATHANIEL: No, you're good.
I know you really well, Rebecca, and you're a good person.
Crazy is when I go off the rails This is what you've done to me Crazy is how your loving makes me feel This is what I always want to be I like it when a girl gets crazy in bed Don't mess with the bitch who's crazy in the head - You do - You don't Want to be crazy - And you don't - You do Want to be crazy To clarify, yes, no on the crazy We hope this helps.
What? (gasps) Good morning, baby girl.
We look beautiful today.
Why are you here? You said you went away.
Oh, I'll never leave you.
I will always be by your side.
We're one and the same, me and you.
(howls) (coyotes howling in distance) (panting) MONA: It's a dream.
Don't you like this rug? - Yeah, it's not bad.
- I think it'd be great for the living room.
It's beautiful.
It's tasteful, practical, it's fun.
It's perfect.
Yes, it is, it is.
It's perfect.
It literally is perfect.
I don't know.
I-I'm just not in love with it.
- Okay.
We'll find something else.
- Okay.
You know, I think we're the only couple in here not fighting.
Ooh, okay, well, let's find something to fight about.
What do you not like about me? Ah, well, you cheated on me a ton.
I should've seen that coming.
- (laughing) - I don't know why I thought that would be a fun game to play.
- I've made a grave error.
- Come on.
Okay, Heather, how are you feeling this morning? Yeah, it's a lot of people.
I know it's weird.
Darryl invited them all.
Well, it's a week until your due date, so this could be your last appointment.
I want all my loved ones around me.
So, I brought Oh, Auntie Paula, two-time mother, birthing sage, unofficial supervisor of this whole enterprise.
I'm Hector, Heather's boyfriend, and surprisingly cool with this whole situation.
- He's the only one I invited.
- I'm Valencia.
I like to record things for posterity and my own sense of self.
I know what it's about now.
Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.
There's a long line in the cafeteria.
This is my girlfriend, Beth.
We're in a love bubble, so we always like to be together.
Oh, that was good.
Sorry, guys.
Is it too much? A little.
I'm Rebecca.
I donated the egg, so that thing has my DNA in it, so good luck with that.
And I'm Dr.
Pratt and I'm gonna be delivering the baby, so I'm also important.
(yawns): You know what? You got this.
You look, you look like a doctor.
I'm so tired.
I'm just gonna take a nap on, uh, that gurney outside.
And the rest of you are just gonna stay? Oh, yeah.
No, it's fine.
I mean, one way or another, we've all seen one, so PRATT: All right, let's get started.
Heather, uh, any concerns? Oh, yeah, um, birth.
So, I agreed to carry this baby for free because I'm whimsical and random, but now I have to give birth to a baby uh, oops.
So, can you just, like, hit me in the head with a hammer and wake me up when it's over like they did in the '50s? Oh, honey, no.
No, no, no, no.
You don't want to miss birth.
It's an awe-inspiring and powerful experience.
Yeah, but, like, does it hurt? Well, women report different levels of discomfort depending Ah, Ba-Ba-Ba, Dr.
No Vagina.
Yes, it hurts, but it is so worth it.
Okay, listen up.
Mama is gonna tell you how wonderful birth really is.
(gentle music playing) Of all the mystery and wonder And beauty on this Earth Nothing can compare To the miracle of birth Well, your cervix has been closed And plugged with mucus But soon that viscous plug will be discharged It's called the bloody show.
And explosive diarrhea Means that labor's drawing nearer And those sharp, painful contractions 'Cause your cervix to enlarge - Beautiful.
- Then you'll race your ass Over to the hospital Where they'll strap you in for the hell ride of your life It's what your body's made for.
You'll soon be in so much pain That you'll probably exclaim "Please, just kill me now, doctor, doula or midwife" Tear, tear, tear goes your vagina Never will it be Its cute little self again But the good news is If you have a few more kids The rest will basically plop right out Mm-mm.
After hours and hours of utter torture You may poop yourself and/or throw up As you bear down 'Cause you're a goddess.
And though you've never been this tired Wait, here comes the ring of fire That's your vagina bursting into flames As the head starts to crown Burn, burn, burn, goes your vagina Oh And you'll curse and scream until (gasps) You hear a cry It's your baby! And, oops, there it went-a That was the placenta Which you must expel or you will surely die When it's all over They'll place the baby on your breast You may be happy for a moment But then for months you'll be depressed 'Cause you've wrecked your life and body You'll think, "Was it really worth "All that for the miracle Of birth?" But of course it was! Am I right, Dr.
Pratt? Isn't it a beautiful (vomiting) So, what was with you back there in the exam room? Ugh, I'm sorry about that.
I just haven't been sleeping.
What? I keep having nightmares about Trent.
I don't know.
He's still in my head.
I've been feeling guilty about that a lot lately.
Why are you feeling guilty? It was, it was my idea to find a fake boyfriend on Facebook to make Josh jealous, and I feel terrible because I brought this monster into your life.
Into our life, so No.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.
First of all, I was in on that with you, and then I let him stay with me and cook for me and clean for me and, I mean, I took his virginity.
(groans, gags) So, Trent is not your fault.
Well, I mean, regardless, it would make perfect sense you're having bad dreams about him.
I mean, he tried to blackmail you, and me.
Yes, he tried to you're right.
He tried to blackmail both of us.
He did.
He tried to blackmail us.
Well, listen, don't worry.
He is gone.
(quietly): I still have a tracker on him and I check his Instagram every day.
He is in Iowa with his mom.
Yeah, you're right.
- He's gone.
He's gone.
- Yup.
It's-it's in my head.
NATHANIEL: Did you hear what I just said? - Yeah.
- In the, uh, in the Harding case, we should depose the CEO and CFO.
And if You don't look great.
Are you okay? Yeah.
I, uh, I just haven't been sleeping much.
- Pretty tired.
- Ah.
I've been meaning to tell you, um (clears throat) I'm having a party Friday night and you are not invited.
Mona and I are moving in together.
We are, um, having a few people over for a little soiree, and, you know, some of the more tolerable people from the office are coming.
I didn't want you to get blindsided if you'd heard about it.
I see, uh Congratulations.
I'm happy for you.
Well, that's big of you.
I want you to be happy.
I'm the one who broke things off with you.
Like, I'm not insane.
(Rebecca screams) (panting) The hell? I I just I saw (chuckles) Is everything all right? Are you okay? REBECCA: So I think I'm losing my mind.
Uh, I might be having dissociative episodes.
So what happened is I hallucinated Trent this morning.
Like, I saw him.
I mean, I've been seeing him in my dreams for days, which is one thing, but seeing apparitions of him in real life? Well, maybe it's not mental illness.
Maybe it's just your imagination.
Our imagination can do crazy things.
Sometimes, I imagine that I'm a pilgrim.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- Mm.
Thank you for that, Bert.
I appreciate that.
And thank you, everyone, for coming here on such short notice in between sessions.
I just couldn't wait until Monday, you know? You offered to buy us all crudo, so, yeah, I'm here.
CLARICE: How have you been feeling lately? Have you scanned your emotional system, or whatever? Uh, okay.
Uh, let me do a quick scan.
Boop, boop, boop.
Oh, God, I'm so guilty.
I just feel guilt.
It's just guilt.
It's crushing, overwhelming amounts of guilt, for all the things that I've done to people lately.
I mean, not even lately, all the things I've done to people since I moved here.
And there are things people don't even know about.
Like what? Eh, I don't really want to talk about it.
Does that really matter? - Kind of, yeah.
- Of course it does.
Okay, point is, I've done some not great things to people, and I think what's killing me is I always get away with it.
I don't know why.
Is it because I'm smarter than other people? Maybe I'm cuter? Maybe it's 'cause you manipulate people.
Okay, well, stop talking, Rick, or I'm gonna give your hamachi to Lana.
That proves your point.
I do that.
You know, if you're feeling guilty, maybe you could confess the bad things you've done.
Like recently, I apologized to all ten of my children because I haven't been that present in their lives, and I feel a lot better.
Oh, Bert, wow.
Confess? Maybe that would make the apparitions or ghosts or memory of Trent Whatever it is go away.
Oof, it's gonna be difficult, but okay.
All right, I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna get it off my chest.
Got it.
So, who called this meeting again? I don't know.
The subject line says "The Purge," so are we throwing up or watching a horror movie or what? Oh, good, you got my Google Cal invite.
Honey, what's this about? I will tell you.
I'll tell you everything.
We're just waiting on one more person.
Sorry I'm late.
Someone asked me to change the water cooler on the way in.
PAULA: Rebecca, what is this? I have some things to say, and it's gonna be brutal.
(exhales) So, during the birth, in the delivery room, Valencia will be doing the video.
Hector, snacks, obviously.
Beth, coffee.
Paula, wisdom and ice chips.
And I don't know what Rebecca is gonna do, so she can be a floater.
So that's everyone.
Okay, actually, no one is gonna be in the delivery room, Darryl, just you.
Okay? We're gonna do this how I want.
It might be your baby, but it's my birth, and I'm terrified.
I mean, after that talk with Paula, like, I'm freaking freaked out.
My downstairs is gonna look like beef tartare.
But everybody loves you, and they all want to be by your side.
Why are you so obsessed with making this birth a group hang? It is not a group hang; I'm just having a few people over.
- What? - These people are my family, my support system, my rock.
They love me.
And they love that I look like Tom Selleck.
And they love making me oatmeal in the morning.
This is about Tom Selleck.
No, I'm kidding.
It's about WiJo.
You miss him.
I would've put that together ages ago, but I have such major baby brain.
Did you know that brains shrink three to five percent during pregnancy? I can't remember who told me that.
Anyway, so, do you, like, regret breaking up with WiJo? Do you want to be with him again? I don't know.
I just miss my friend.
Oh, Darryl, that's sweet.
And I would love to talk with you more about this, but I am having some wicked Braxton Hicks right now.
Wait, are you okay? Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Braxton Hicks are just the practice contractions, remember? (sighs): Oh.
Oh, ow.
Tight, tight, tight, tight, tight.
Bowling ball, bowling ball, bowling ball, bowling ball.
Oh, does it hurt? Maybe it's not a practice contraction.
Maybe this is a real one.
No, I don't think so.
I mean, I did see a bloody clump of mucus fall into the toilet bowl earlier, but (gulp) Wow.
The miracle of birth.
- (chuckles) - Mm-hmm.
Ha man.
Is it another Toni Braxton? Oh, that unbreaks my heart.
Um, no.
I'll-I'll let you know when they get painful.
Oh, it's right now.
- Oh! - Ah, it's right now.
- Oh! - Oh So get the car.
Get the car right now.
It's right now.
Okay, thank you.
Oh Toni Braxton.
(door opens) Oh Brandy and Monica.
(door closes) Aaliyah? Anybody? REBECCA: All right.
I knew this was gonna be really hard, so I made some lists.
So, I have one for each of you.
Uh, and basically this is a-a list of all of the things that I have done, that I should have told you all about, um It's bad.
It's-it's just-just to warn you, it's bad.
It's, like, really it's, like, really bad.
It's bad.
So just, uh look.
You almost had my Lolo killed? What's a "Lolo"? Oh.
"Lolo" means grandpa.
You didn't notice I was going through an abortion? Oh, oh.
I'm s I'm s God.
I'm so sorry.
Clerical error.
Just, you should have this one, and you should have that one.
Wow, off to a great start.
Well, mine's obviously for me, because it says you put out a hit on my girlfriend Mona? Why does it say "having sex with Greg's dad"? Ugh.
(Paula laughs) You had sex with Greg's dad.
No you didn't.
No way.
- That's on mine, too.
- Mine, too.
Yeah, um, so I just I didn't know what list to put that on.
I just thought everyone should know.
(sighs) You lied about Trent blackmailing me? You sent me poop? - Your poop? - Shut up, Josh.
So-so So Trent didn't blackmail me.
And you manipulated me and lied to me to get me to commit federal crimes, even though I didn't want to? JOSH: Sorry, back up.
Someone tried to kill my Lolo? Ah, that was more me.
I like to think I wasn't really gonna go through with it, but whatever; even if I did, he had a nice long life.
Mona, on the other hand This isn't right.
This is a mistake.
You promised me so many times that you wouldn't lie to me anymore.
I trusted you.
I didn't even check on what you told me about Trent, because I just believed you.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I told you.
I told you, it's bad.
It's really, really bad.
And that's why I just, I wanted to get it out in the open, and tell you no.
(sighs) Paula.
REBECCA: No, no, no, Paula.
Oh, Paula.
Rebecca tried to have my father deported? (hisses) Again, that was me.
But to be fair, I was promised sex.
Oh, God.
Okay, I deserve that.
I deserve that.
REBECCA: Hey, hey.
I know, I know, it's bad.
- And I am so sorry if I hurt you.
- You're sorry "if"? I was going through a very tough time.
- I barely remember half those - It was last week.
That is true, but it's not representative of the person that I really am.
But it obviously is.
I mean, you did it.
I just, I just I can't believe this.
You have let me down so many times.
And I am such a fool.
I am a sucker.
You are never going to be any different.
(sighs) (tapping button rapidly) Oh, forget it! I am taking the stairs.
(elevator bell dings) Oh, God! Leave me alone, you turtlenecked manifestation of my guilt.
I did it.
I confessed everything.
So you have no reason to be here anymore.
Leave me alone.
Never, my love.
Okay, seriously? Go away.
Go away, ghost.
Boo! Oh, God, you're real.
Trent, what are you doing here? You said you were leaving.
God, I thought you were in Iowa.
But I missed you, and now I'm-a-back.
I have unfinished business here.
What? What could it be? Blackmailing me again? You can't.
I told everyone everything.
Trent, I'm never gonna be your girlfriend, ever.
So just get that through your head.
Oh, we're way past that.
I know that's never gonna happen.
Now I just want you to feel as badly as you've made me feel.
So be careful, Rebecca.
Because I'm one scary, scary, sexy man.
Well, what are you gonna do? Oh.
It's no fun if I tell you.
(elevator bell dings, doors open) (sighs) (beeps) (sighs) (beeps) (sighs) Hi, Paula.
It's Rebecca.
I know we're in a big fight right now, but you got to call me back; it's an emergency.
I saw Trent.
I saw him.
He was here at the office, and I'm really, really scared.
And I'm trying to use your tracking device, but I don't know how it works.
So please just give me a call back, okay? Call me.
Hi, Paula.
It's Rebecca.
I know we're in a big fight right now, but you got to call me back; it's an emergency.
I saw Trent.
I saw him.
He was here at the office, and I'm really, really scared.
And I'm trying to use your tracking device, but I don't know how it works.
So please just give me a call back, okay? Call me.
What's wrong with Rebecca? She sounds really scared.
You gonna call her back? No, I'm done.
So, what is everybody wearing to Nathaniel's soiree tonight? I've got my cocktail suspenders, I got my lobster pot suspenders, I've got Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim.
Rebecca wasn't invited.
Yeah, have you not been reading the "shhhhh" group text chain? I wasn't invited to the party, okay, and I'm fine.
Listen, does anybody here know anything about spy trackers? I'm sorry, I-I don't - Spy detector? - No.
That was really awkward turtle.
TIM: What's "awkward turtle"? I don't know what you need a spy thing for, but, hey, leave our Nathaniel alone, okay? He's happy.
You're dangerous.
You're a loose cannon, Bunch, and you hurt everyone around you.
NATHANIEL: Mona? Mona? Mona? Mona! Hey.
I was in the shower.
God, I texted you.
I even called.
A voice call? What's wrong? I just I just I-I was worried about you today for-for no reason, regarding nothing and no one.
Oh, Nat, that's weird and cute.
I just needed to see you, and you're fine.
You were in the shower.
Everything's the way it's supposed to be.
All right, the party starts in a couple of hours, so I have to blow out my hair, otherwise my secret will be out.
(whispers): I have curly hair.
- (both gasp dramatically) - Come here.
(sighing) (chuckles) (exhaling slowly) (groaning) So, it looks like you're definitely in labor.
Oh, really? Do you think? No, I know, 'cause I'm a doctor.
Now, according to your birth plan, you want to labor naturally for as long as possible.
Uh, what does that mean? It means no pain medication.
Oh, no.
That's wrong.
Wait, where did you get this, anyways? What man filled this out? Because I did not.
Um, I did that for you.
I thought I was helping out.
And I checked "no early pain intervention" because I read that epidurals can slow down labor.
No, it's true.
You and I, we are gonna breathe through this together, Womb Goddess.
Okay, Doc, look at me.
Eyes here.
I want drugs all of the drugs.
Give them to me now! Yeah.
(romantic jazz music playing) I'm early.
(chuckles) And I brought ice, because there is never enough ice.
Wha Also, don't worry, I talked to Rebecca, and she is never gonna bother you again.
I gave her a stern talking-to.
And what happened? Was she upset? Why would you care if she's upset? After everything she did for you that you didn't ask for? Whew, that stupid bitch.
You're right, you're right.
I'm not even thinking about Rebecca.
I don't care.
Now, get your gas station ice out of here.
You're embarrassing yourself.
Go on.
(romantic jazz music playing) HEATHER: Nurse? Nurse? - Can I help you? - Yeah.
I was wondering, who played Uncle Jesse on Full House? I think it was John Stamos.
John Stamos.
Oh, my God.
My brain has shrunk way more than 5%.
I used to know everything about Full House.
Is that all? Yeah.
John Stamos.
I'm so sorry.
I saw the nurse coming in.
What's happening? Are you okay? No.
I forgot who John Stamos was.
I can't believe how calm you are.
On TV shows, pregnant women, they're always crying and screaming and punching their husband in the face.
Yeah, well, those shows were written by men.
I got an epidural, remember? I don't feel a thing.
Paula was right, actually.
Birth is beautiful when you get pain relief, 'cause then you just do crossword puzzles and binge watch Top of the Lake.
You don't look like you're having fun, though.
No, I'm fine.
It's White Josh, huh? You're still missing that guy.
Yeah, kind of.
But I'm okay.
Okay, cool.
(rapid typing, computer beeps) (rapid typing, computer beeps) (sighs) (beeps) (beeps) (groans, sighs) (sighs) TRENT: Adios to Prince Charming.
If I can't have you, no one will.
I saw your face when Nathaniel said he was moving in with Mona; I know how you feel.
I lost someone I loved.
Now you will feel the same.
Nathaniel Plimpton III must be destroyed.
Hashtag: motive.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, Nathaniel.
(jazz music playing, lively chatter) NATHANIEL: The roses have really come in well this year.
I've actually never noticed how much of a green thumb Sir, there's a problem with the bill.
May I speak with you for a second? Sure.
Excuse me.
And just right this way.
I-I don't understand.
I thought everything was taken care of.
Oh, there's just a couple of little extras.
You can see here.
I just need your approval on these little extras.
All right? So that's mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup.
Condiments are extra? Okay, do you want to be the one to go out there and tell them there's not any ketchup? I don't want to be that guy.
So just initial all the condiments.
(quietly): Where are you, Rebecca? I know you're coming.
I need you to see this.
What? What? Initial all the condiments.
(groans) REBECCA: Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where's Nathaniel? Rebecca, I told you to leave him alone! Shut up, George! I need to find Nathaniel.
It's so weird that you showed up tonight, right, Rebecca? Awkward turtle.
(chuckles) - I think he went over there.
- Okay.
They say love makes you crazy.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Rebecca, I have to pay the bill.
- REBECCA: No! No! (screaming) (baby cries) Man, I killed that.
(baby cooing) (siren whoops) Hey, hey! He was going to kill Nathaniel.
Okay? He had a knife.
He's the turkey carver.
He had a carving knife.
No, no, no, he wasn't.
He was my ex-boyfriend, and he was dangerous, and he's been stalking me.
He was stalking you by going to a party you were not invited to? And so you killed him? Oh, my God, I killed him? Is he dead? Well, the cute EMT, whose name is Rufus, which is so weird because I literally love that baby name, - Oh! - he said he fell in a swimming pool Just missed the diving board.
Oh, thank God.
'Cause I really, I really didn't mean to kill him.
Okay, Rebecca, stop.
Don't say anything.
Anything you say can be admissible.
Call Paula.
Someone call Paula.
But she's not a lawyer.
I'm a lawyer! (engine starts) (mouthing): Call Paula.
She's in big trouble.
Hundo P.
(baby cooing) Oh.
What are you doing here? Heather texted me.
She asked me to come.
- She did? - Yeah.
Why? I thought you hated babies.
People got to stop saying that.
(chuckles) She, uh She said you wanted to see me.
She also wanted to know who starred in School of Rock, "blank Black"" I did want to see you.
I wanted to see my friend.
We're, uh, we're friends? I thought you didn't want to be.
I thought you didn't want to be.
(chuckles): Okay.
I missed you.
Me, too.
I mean, I didn't miss myself, I missed you.
Yeah, right.
Right, right, right.
(chuckles) I got it.
Can I, uh Can I hold her? - You want to? - Yeah.
- Now, just support her head.
- All right.
Oh, God, okay.
I named her Hebecca.
It's a combination of Heather and Rebecca.
- Yeah? - Okay.
Well, they said I had 24 hours if I wanted to change it.
Oh, thank God.
(both laugh) - It is a bad name.
- Really? Objectively just very bad.
She's perfect.
You did good.
I think we all did.
Hello there.
(panting, muttering quietly) (door buzzes) Is he gonna pull through? Yeah.
Broke every bone in his body, though.
When you hit a pool from that height, it's like getting hit by a bus.
He's gonna be in a full-body cast for quite some time.
Oh, my God.
So, um they're gonna charge you with attempted second-degree murder.
What?! No! No.
Hey, I was saving your life.
Trent has been stalking me and blackmailing me practically since the second we met, and he was trying to hurt you.
- I know.
I believe you.
- You believe me?! Yes, I do, but I don't know if anyone else will.
To the cops and a jury, it looks like you crashed your ex-boyfriend's party, and then pushed another ex-boyfriend off of the roof, who was working there completely legally as a waiter.
No, uh-uh-uh, but I told the cops that he sent me those Instagram stories.
I had to.
Yes, but they already disappeared.
We couldn't find anything.
I'm going to prison.
For a long time.
Maybe not.
I have a plan.
You have a plan? Wait, are you representing me? After what I almost did to Mona? Why? I don't know, honestly.
I can't explain why I'm here.
I can't explain why I'm going to help you.
I can't explain why I just broke up with Mona.
What? Yeah.
I don't love her.
I love someone else.
Oh, God, there's another girl? Me, you're talking about me.
(chuckles) And I think you love me, too.
Nathaniel, of course I do.
I'm gonna get you out of here, and we're gonna be together, all right? Okay.
There's just one thing you have to do.
The next hearing is about entering your plea.
And I want you to plead not guilty Okay, not guilty.
by reason of insanity.
- Plead insanity? - Mm.
You want me to plead insanity? Yes, think about it.
It'll work.
To a judge, it'll make absolute sense.
You have a history of mental instability, you've been in an institution before, you have BPD.
None of this is your fault.
No No, but I put you in danger.
I brought Trent into your life.
He tried to hurt you.
It is my fault.
No, it's not.
You-you don't deserve blame for any of this or what led to this.
You've had a really tough time in your life.
We all have.
You've shown me that I have, too.
What do you mean? Take me for example.
I have issues with my father.
I have issues with my mother.
Those things made me kind of a jerk.
You helped me realize that.
You helped me to see that sometimes we can't control how we act.
I mean, everyone has their reasons, right? Before I knew you I did bad things and didn't know why But now I know you And I've learned to look inside I understand what makes me frightened and sad So, yes, I still do bad things But are they actually bad? No! Because nothing is ever anyone's fault We're all just products of childhood trauma Nothing is ever anyone's fault Pain causes anger and fear causes drama We can't control the things we do, just like I can't control That I'm in love with you Wow, the first part was kind of amoral, but that last thing was really sweet.
- Thanks.
- What else? I was raised to believe That every person's in charge of their fate But now I clearly see That my father's a dick, and he filled me with hate You were the first person who told me that.
Maybe you have a point.
I was brought up by a fat-shaming mom Who made me take laxatives the week before prom Yup.
Now I overeat ever since that abuse See? Psychology is a great excuse Nothing is ever anyone's fault Nothing is ever anyone's fault John Wayne Gacy was hit by his dad Exactly.
It wasn't technically Hitler's fault Wasn't technically Hitler's fault Hitler's brother died BOTH: And that made him super sad It's hard to paint people with evil or glory When you know that everyone's got a tragic backstory Free will's an illusion, morality is, too So it's not my fault That my parents messed me up 'Cause their parents messed them up And Adam and Eve were messed up by God Who was messed up originally by the Big Bang Everything is the Big Bang's fault Good point! Energy in space was the ultimate bad father Nothing is nobody's fault Nothing is nobody's Is that a double negative? Eh, it sounds good, why bother? But I'm glad for the trauma I'm glad for it, too BOTH: 'Cause my past is what led me To fall in love With you.
Is Paula coming? Did you call her? I called her, and I don't know.
Look, Rebecca, all you have to do now is plead not guilty by reason of insanity.
It's that's simple.
You can do this.
All rise.
(sighs) You may be seated.
This is Criminal Case Number 15-4270, The People of Los Angeles County v.
Rebecca Nora Bunch.
Miss Bunch, how do you plead? Your Honor, I plead not guilty by reason of By reason of, um (mouthing): Insanity.
Wow, I'm sorry, I can't do this.
I may have borderline, but I'm not insane.
(groans) I'm responsible for everything that happened, all of it.
As long as I can remember, I've let some other force control my life.
My mother told me who to be.
Love told me where to go.
And I went along with it all because I told myself that they weren't my choices.
That somehow the choices were being made for me.
But that's just not true.
They were my choices.
It's my life, and I'm responsible no matter what illness I have or what my parents were like.
And let's be clear, they suck.
I didn't mean to hurt Trent.
But I did hurt him.
And I want to face the consequences of what happened on that roof, and of everything in my life.
I have to.
I'm so sorry.
I want to change, Paula.
And I swear, I'm gonna try.
You don't have to believe me.
I mean, I wouldn't if I were you.
I've broken so many promises.
But I hope that this time is gonna be different, because this time I truly want to be held responsible for my actions.
So I plead responsible.
I mean guilty.
(all gasp) I plead guilty.