Creamerie (2021) s02e02 Episode Script

- The guy's a crack up. (laughs)
Oh, so Steve, oh, you're gonna
meet Steve.
Steve's thing is he
waits till you're asleep
and then he Dutch ovens you,
ugh!
- Sounds like the army,
is that why you left?
- Ah, dude, the bullying is
definitely like a part of it,
but I would swap my left
ball and Dutch ovens
for no chair any day of
the week, you feel me?
- [Bobby] I do.
(waterfall roaring)
(mellow melodic music)
(mellow melodic music continues)
(mellow melodic music continues)
(soft eerie music)
(soft eerie music continues)
(soft eerie music continues)
- Where is everyone, Yvonne?
- Are we not ones, Daniel?
What's your name?
- Bobby, ah, Robert.
- Nice to meet Bobby Robert.
- I'm Alex, this is my
shitty brother, Jackson.
Don't feel sorry for him, long
story.
You're the resistance that
Ma was running around with?
Her name was Tilda.
- Tilda is and always will be
one of us.
- I'm sorry, but is this all of
you?
- But isn't this a safe place
for men?
Where are the men?
- Ah, the men, go get 'em.
(sighing)
Let's have a look at Tilda's
son.
- Oh, be careful, he's a lying,
manipulative piece of shit.
- I don't mean to be rude, but
we don't have a lot of time.
About a half day's drive that
way,
Lane has a facility where she's
keeping-
- What a momentous day.
All those in favor of Spree, say
aye.
- [Sisters] Aye.
- The ayes have it.
I call Spree.
(sisters cheering)
- Wait, what's Spree?
- Here he is.
(sisters laughing)
- Shaun?
- Daniel.
Hello, I'm Shaun, I've just
been making a toothbrush.
- What do they mean, "Here he
is?"
(tense upbeat music)
Ooh ♪
Ooh ooh ♪
Ooh ooh ♪
(lock clicking)
(screw clicking)
- Where did you even get this
thing?
Dr. Garvey, you're my
general practitioner.
The last time I saw you, you
prescribed me antifungal cream.
(Lane laughing softly)
You care about my wellbeing.
- You're mistaking my
professionalism for
sentimentality.
Now,
on three,
two, one.
(switch clicking)
(electricity buzzing)
(Pip groaning)
- Ow! (breathing heavily)
- On a scale from one to
10, how painful was that?
- You're a sadist.
- Oh, I don't take pleasure in
your pain,
but I do appreciate precision,
so on a scale from one to
10, how painful was that?
- 0.5.
- [Doc] 0.5.
- Why don't we just turn
Fitzy on and see what happens?
- Because one does not
turn on the trunchbull
until it is calibrated.
- We should call it Fitzy,
'cause she'll have you in fits.
- And that's how you know
taste can't be taught.
- [Lane] Sorry, what was that?
- I said that's how you
know taste can't be taught.
Oh, Laney, I'm only joking.
And anyway, the trunchbull
is ready for use.
- Hm, one last time, totally,
Pip.
Where have you taken Bobby and
Daniel?
- I know transcendental
meditation,
I can TM away from the pain.
In fact, I'm going to do it
right now.
(breathes deeply) Pebble in the
ocean.
Pebble in the ocean.
(soft melodic music)
(waves lapping)
(spoon tapping)
- Stop that and answer me, where
is-
- Pebble in the ocean.
(spoon tapping)
- Pebble in the ocean.
- No, you don't.
- Pebble in the ocean.
- Stop that.
(spoon tapping)
- Pebble in the ocean,
pebble in the ocean.
(electricity buzzing)
(Pip groaning)
(switch clicking)
(Pip gasping)
- Brilliant, huh?
Brilliant, huh?
On a scale from one to
10, how painful was that?
Scale from one to 10?
Of course, we could do it again.
- 50.
- (laughs) The maximum is 10, so
10?
- Ah-huh.
- 10.
- Now will you tell me where my
Bobby is?
- (breathing heavily) Yes, right
away.
(soft tense music)
(birds chirping)
(fire crackling)
- You said there were
eight, where are they?
- Don't.
- It was four years ago.
- You know that guy?
(Shaun slurping)
- That's enough then, fuck!
- Shaun?
- Yeah.
What's his deal?
- Nobody really knows,
he's just always kind of been
like that.
- Hey, no talk please while we
Spree.
Ah ah ah ah ♪
Ah ah ah ah ♪
Ah ah ah ah ♪
(soft eerie music)
Ah ah ♪
Ah ah ♪
(Jamie groaning softly)
- Are you okay?
- I'll be better when we
get our hands on the guns
- We can all talk when we've all
drunk.
Ah ah ♪
Ah ah ♪
(Jamie sighing)
Ah ah ♪
- [Daniel] It's actually pretty
yum.
Ah ah ♪
Ah ah ♪
Ah ah ♪
Ah ah ♪
Ah ah ♪
Ah ah ♪
(Alex burping)
- What?
Ah ah ♪
Ah ah ♪
- Okay, we've all had a drink,
now you wanna tell us
what happened to everyone?
The men that were here?
- They left.
- That's it?
They left?
- All but one, why?
- Because they had their own
minds
and they made their own choices.
- How are you the resistance?
You sound like a Wellness yoga
retreat.
- Tell us what you did to them.
- What we did is create a
safe place for them to exist
and then they chose to leave.
- Look, you're still the
Sisterhood, okay,
you can still save men.
There are six more men at Lane's
facility
and we know where they are.
You just bring your
tranquilizers and we just-
- We don't use tranquilizers
anymore.
- What, why?
- We voted against it.
- You voted against using
awesome, non-lethal weapons,
that give you an incredible
advantage?
What, what is wrong with you?
Ah ah ♪
- Okay, look, it doesn't
matter about the guns.
If Hunter was anything to go by,
you guys could just bust in
there with your bare hands.
- I know a secret tunnel.
- [Bobby] Of course you do.
- Isn't it your sworn oath to
protect men?
- How do we protect the wind
from blowing?
- What do you mean?
- How do we save the leaves from
falling?
- I, I don't understand the
words coming out of your mouths.
- You're not the resistance.
Ah ah ♪
- You're a bunch of pussies.
Ah ah ♪
- Meow.
Ah ah ♪
- Meow.
(sisters laughing)
- Oh God, we were wrong to come
here.
Ah ah ♪
- We wasted all this time we
didn't have
and now she's fucked!
Wrong choice, guys, wrong
fucking path
and now they're gonna perm Pip,
I'm gonna lose my shittiest
best friend forever!
I have to go back, I have to go
back.
I have to go back.
(eerie intense music)
I have to go back.
Ah ah ah ah ♪
- Go back.
Ah ah ah ah ♪
Ah ah ah ah ♪
Ah ah ah ah ♪
Ah ah ah ah ♪
Ah ah ah ah ♪
Ah ah ah ah ♪
(Jackson thudding to ground)
- Oh, my gosh, Jackson!
He's burning up.
Ah ah ah ah ♪
(birds chirping)
- Pip, just to confirm,
that you are taking us to
reconnoiter the location
where your friends have
kidnapped and are holding Robert
in an incredibly selfish
and truly disappointing act of
unwellness.
- Yes.
- And now, how far away
is this said location?
- Three, two,
six hours that way.
Eight with comfort stops and
snacks.
- Hm and why is it that
you can't point out
said location on a map?
- If you were to engage in
unwell acts
and hide in said location,
would you make said location
point-outable on a map?
- Okay
Who needs to go to the toilet?
(tin clattering)
- Check, okay.
(scissors snipping)
(Jackson groaning)
(cloth tearing)
- (breathing heavily) I need my
bag.
- What?
I
- Give me my fucking bag!
- No! (shrieking)
(tense melodic music)
(Jackson groaning loudly)
(melodic piano music)
I bury my fears ♪
For safekeeping ♪
White picket fences ♪
These little pretenses ♪
I bury my fears ♪
Beneath a lemon tree ♪
I'm marking the line now ♪
- Hey.
Do you want a toothbrush?
- Ah,
no, thanks.
- Don't you have hard to reach
places?
- Yeah, I do, thanks.
(people chattering quietly)
- Do you wanna go make
some walkie talkies?
Cool.
(soft eerie music)
- Hello?
(soft eerie music continues)
(soft eerie music continues)
(soft eerie music continues)
(Alex gasping softly)
(soft eerie music continues)
Ma.
Ma.
(muffled Tilda speaking)
- [Tilda] Roger that, thanks.
(soft eerie music continues)
- Ma?
(soft eerie music continues)
(soft eerie music continues)
(soft eerie music continues)
(soft eerie music continues)
(Alex gasping softly)
(soft eerie music continues)
(gentle orchestral music)
(gentle orchestral music
continues)
(Alex gasping softly)
(wood scraping)
- (imitating static) Does
anyone read me, copy?
(imitating static) This
is Sierra Hotel November.
Anyone out there?
Please copy.
- (imitating static) Ah,
this is Bravo Bravo Yankee
reading you loud and clear.
I see you're not really into
the whole Spree situation?
Sierra Hotel November,
(imitating static) over.
- Ah, (imitating static) ah, not
as such,
Bravo Bravo Yankee, um,
had a bit too much of the
old happy juice a while back
and developed a bit of a
resistance to it.
- Oh.
- And anyway, um, we unanimously
agreed
to a trial moratorium on
mixed sex intercourse.
I mean, it was always
recreational,
non-pairing, non-procreative
intercourse anyway,
for obvious reasons, but ah, um,
yeah, ever since the,
the thing that happened,
um, we mutually agreed
that scarcity would breed
instability
and I don't wanna be a
vending machine anyway.
Over.
(birds chirping)
- Ah,
you wanna tell me more
about the thing that happened?
Shaun?
Do you mean the other men that
left?
Why didn't you just leave with
them?
(paper rustling)
I, ah, I found this in my
pocket.
Whose jacket was this?
Shaun, why did this guy leave?
Look, I mean, he even
circled some activities,
the same ones that I would've.
I could've actually
known this guy, you know,
I could've actually been
friends with this guy.
Shaun,
please.
- You should know,
that they didn't leave,
well, they left, but not like
that.
- What do you mean?
- Ah,
they're dead, Bobby,
they died.
It was an accident.
(Shaun sighing heavily)
- What?
How?
- You're not gonna like this.
- How could I like it,
Shaun? Please just tell me.
- They took the tranquilizer
rifles
to play "IRL Call of Duty"
and they shot each other
and drowned in the river.
- Ah, can you say that again?
- After years of frolicking
peacefully in the bush,
they wanted to play war games.
(sobbing)
I know, I know, right, the only
reason
why I wasn't with them is
because I wanted to win.
I was in here working
on a reloading magazine
for the tranquilizer rifle.
Do you know, I wish to God
I'd given up on working on that
magazine.
If I'd have just followed them
into the river that night.
(gentle melodic music)
(Shaun sobbing)
- Cheer up, mate, it's okay.
Hey, at least you're
good at making things.
Yeah, I mean, your walkie
talkies
even have little buttons on.
- I don't care about the
fucking buttons, man!
I'm an advertising
executive, for fuck's sake!
The girls tell me how useful I
am,
but I don't wanna make
furniture out of trees.
I don't wanna be some charity
case
or some fucking precious fucking
dodo man.
I don't want this stupid
fucking fleshy thing
dangling there if it's just
gonna,
if it means I have to hide,
I have to hide for the
rest of my life. (sobbing)
(gentle melodic music continues)
- It's okay.
- I don't want this to be my
safe place.
I want every place to be my safe
place.
- I know. (sobbing)
- (breathing heavily) Show me
your teeth.
- Fuck off, Alex.
- No, fuck off yourself
and show me your hard to reach
teeth.
- Why?
- Because Ma just showed
me the key to the cure.
(soft intense music)
(static hissing)
- A very Goddess evening
to you reporting in at 1800
hours.
Our anticipated arrival
time will be three hours.
- To six and a half
with, with comfort stops.
- Sorry, it'll be three
to six and a half hours
with comfort stops.
(static hissing)
- No stops
and don't disturb me again
until you're there, out.
(static hissing)
- Okay, have a lovely
evening, that's over and out.
Roger, roger, over.
(Michelle laughing)
- Are you aware of everything
Lane does?
- Ah, (laughing nervously)
I'm more aware of what Lane
does than Lane herself.
- No, you're not.
- Excuse you?
- You're not like her,
you didn't want what happened
with Bobby that night?
(soft intense music)
- Hold him!
- Argh!
- I don't know what night
you're talking about.
I was drunk and I don't
remember. (laughs nervously)
- Michelle, she's doing what
we all saw her do with Bobby,
only 100 times worse, I
saw it with my own eyes.
- Oh, Pip,
it's okay.
Blaine warned me that you
were prone to psychosis,
so I have some ginkgo biloba
extract in my bag here for you.
My Goddess, where is it?
(laughs)
You know, I'd lose my head
if it wasn't screwed on.
- Take the, turn around, turn
around now.
Something you need to see.
- So she got you hooked on some
shit?
- Where are they?
- Worm food.
(Jackson groaning)
Is that how she got you to
do all the shit you did?
(Jackson groaning)
Go on, tell me how she got you
addicted
and how none of this is your
fault.
(Jamie vomiting)
- You're pregnant.
(gentle melodic music)
I remember the second you
were pregnant with Oscar.
- Don't say his name,
don't you fucking try
your Memory Lane bullshit with
me.
(gentle melodic music continues)
- [Jackson] This was us.
- I said fucking don't.
(gentle melodic music continues)
- This was you and me,
we were whole, complete.
Then Oscar came along.
Peace.
For one whole incredible
year, there was, (sobbing)
there was peace.
(gentle melodic music continues)
Then when he left,
we weren't complete anymore.
- Fuck you.
Fuck you, fuck off! (sobbing)
- I lost him too, Jamie.
- Oh, and I'm supposed to
say, "Yeah, that explains it?"
- No, that's not what I'm
saying.
- I stayed on your farm,
I thought you were gone.
You chose to get high!
You trapped men and you, you
fucked her for your next fix.
(gentle melodic music continues)
We were nothing to you.
- You're wrong.
- I'm wrong, I'm the, oh, my
God!
I'm the one that's wrong?
- I know it's hard to
understand.
- No, no, no, it's simple.
- Like grief never changed you?
- Oh, yes, please tell
me how our child dying
justifies you being a sadistic
junkie!
- Like you didn't jump on the
first dick,
that came along to replace
Oscar!
(eerie melodic music)
(blow thudding)
- Uh!
(blow thudding)
- Uh!
- Here, you can fucking talk.
Oh, what a fucking shit show!
(objects clattering)
Oh God, no guns, no muscle,
nothing.
I can't leave her there, I
have to go back. (sobbing)
- I know a secret tunnel to the
facility.
You could bypass Lane's guards.
- Give me one reason
why I should trust you.
- Because I'm the only lead you
have
and if I fuck you over,
you have a sharp knife.
- Ah!
- Bingo, second molar.
RBT, retained baby teeth.
You have it, you have it,
Jackson has it,
that's four of you,
this could be it,
this could be the genetic
marker of immunity.
- We're going back to Lane's
facility.
We're taking Jackson's secret
way in
- And when he fucks us, what
then?
- Stay here if you want, but
I'm going back for my friend.
- Hey, Shaun.
- [Shaun] Yeah?
- You ever get that
rifle magazine working?
- Did I ever?
(mellow melodic music)
(mellow melodic music continues)
(mellow melodic music continues)
(sisters laughing)
(mellow melodic music continues)
- I love you.
(mellow upbeat music)
(mellow upbeat music continues)
(mellow melodic music)
(mellow upbeat music)
(mellow upbeat music continues)
(tense melodic music)
(tense melodic music continues)
(tense upbeat music)
(tense upbeat music continues)
(mellow melodic music)
(mellow melodic music continues)
(mellow melodic music continues)
(light melodic music)