Danger 5 (2011) s01e01 Episode Script
I Danced For Hitler
1 Ah As he lay there, dying in my arms, he looked into my eyes and said "Pierre, why was it that I had to dress like this again?" Hah! Your move Maneki.
Again? Very well.
And then he whispered to me with his last breath "Pierre, always muddle the lime.
" But now I carry on his legacy the perfect Cherry Mendez.
Naturally.
He also taught me to make the world's quickest Bangkok Sunrise.
- Tucker, how is that Vodka Marconi? - Satisfactory.
How about now? Above satisfactory.
- Your double Jim Bourbons, Jackson? - Swell.
Claire, are you certain I cannot make you something? - It's 9 in the morning.
- Yes? You see no issue with drinking at 9 a.
m.
? Hey Claire, chill out.
Ugh.
Good morning boys and girls, we have orders.
Good day Colonel, can I mix you something? Yes, I'll have a er a Bangkok Sunrise, yes.
All right, everybody, at 0800 hours this morning the Nazis stole the Eiffel Tower.
The Eiffel Tower? Surely the Nazis have Shut up girl! We believe this could be the very beginning of the largest piece of Nazi propaganda ever executed by Hitler's propaganda wizard, Josef Goebbels.
It's safe to assume Goebbels has similar plans for other monuments.
I think we can all agree, a world without monuments is not worth living in.
Your mission: learn what the hell the Nazis want with the tower, where they're taking it, get it back.
And of course, as always, kill Hitler.
Looks like the loss of the tower has hit them quite hard, we must be sensitive.
Greetings, barkeep! Three Marconis and a Summer in Paris, please.
- Rene! - Marcel? - Son of a bitch! - Son of a whore! Marcel, I thought you bought it when we blew that bridge in Provence.
Sometimes I wish I did, old friend, sometimes I wish I did.
Marcel? Tell me you've come to return the tower.
- It is as you say, my friend.
- Girls, we are saved.
The great Marcel DeRochel has come to help return the tower! All of these fine girls are members of my battalion.
Each a true revolutionary.
Good front, no? Yes, they are Celeste? Bonjour, Marcel.
So, how have you been? - I thought you were dead.
- I'm not! - Don't ever leave me again! - I burn for you! Rrrr.
Four of my offensives have been sabotaged this last month, and I am beginning to suspect an insider.
Amongst your girls? Forget me.
Save yourself! Celeste! If this is the end of the line, couldn't you grant us one last drink? We will pay for it.
Inside that safe is gold, and frankincense and myrrh of very high quality.
If you let us have one last drink, I will give you the combination.
Very well.
Two, nine three, nine, four, nine two.
Bonjour.
Ah Marcel! I can't remember the last time we pulled the old life-saving Oh, I'm sorry, old friend.
Shh! You must rest.
You'll be better in the morning.
No.
No, Marcel, I'm not long of this world.
Please, do one thing for me.
Anything, my friend.
Get my ladies back.
They have no doubt been taken to the nearest outpost, by the river.
Where we used to take the girls on Bastille - You remember it, my friend? - I cherish those days.
Good.
Two parts grenadine, one part chartreuse, a pinch of salt and a fresh mint the perfect Fruit Madrid.
These are the latest group of detainees, mein Fuhrer.
I hope they are to your liking.
They all pale into insignificance when you really look at this one.
Isn't the irony sweet? The Resistance doing a performance at the Führer's birthday.
Argh! Hold up.
Good evening, sir, which mode do you require? Sexy bitch.
Sexy bitch mode activated.
Oh! Great work! Cut me loose.
What? Stop messing around and free me! Don't tell me that you're jealous that Hitler finds me attractive! Mm? The girls are bound to be locked up around here somewhere.
- Hey - Halt! Celeste? Claire! - We can jump it.
- No, we can't.
What the hell happened back there, llsa? That's the Statue of Liberty! That's what they want with the monuments? Don't look at it! You'll go blind with sorrow! - Dance at Hitler's birthday!? - No way in hell I'm gonna run around France chasing tail when Lady Liberty herself is in danger.
Girls are heading for the middle of a Nazi minestrone.
They need our help.
We need to tail that truck! - The team takes priority! - Not in my book.
I'm with Tucker on this one, my friend.
Celeste, and our comrades, need us.
Guess that leaves you and me llsa.
Fighting for freedom.
Mm Fine, I'm going to do what's right.
Traitor.
You're the traitor, Pedro.
Get me a new technical director! Who are you? John Schmidt, the new technical director.
What is this? Women don't talk.
These are the special costumes for the finale.
They are guaranteed, to blow the Führer away.
Not before I have inspected the Excuse me Herr Goebbels, the guards' new celebration outfits have arrived for your approval.
You'd better not mess up Schmidt.
- Celeste, are you all right, my love? - I knew you would come.
You'll get us killed.
What happened to the mission? Where's Jackson? It seemed you'd landed yourselves in a Wednesday casserole of a situation.
- We're here to get you out.
- Get us out? We have everything under control, Tucker.
I have an after dinner appointment with Hitler tomorrow night.
- The perfect chance to kill him.
- We're thinking bigger than Hitler.
Soon this place is going to be jam-packed with Nazi top brass and we're going to put on the best darn dance performance the Third Reich has ever seen.
Then, when they are fired up and ready for an encore, we'll give them an encore, an encore of bullets.
The crate is jam-packed with resistance-grade bang-bang.
Now that, my dear, is a real plan.
This doesn't look like rehearsal.
We are talking about the art of dance.
What do these special costumes look like? Special.
I would like to see one of them.
- Why ruin the surprise? - Crowbar! Oh.
.
argh.
Good, the Führer likes swans.
Terrific plan.
- Fire.
- Fire! Fire! Say, are they those military issue cigarettes, the kind that coat your lungs in thick menthol, making you impervious to gas? Yeah.
Why didn't I get any? Don't worry, Lady Liberty.
I've got your back.
Your Kronsteen, mein Führer, medium sweet just as you like it.
Thank you mein F Will you excuse me a moment, mein Führer? Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Hurry up, we don't have much time.
Radio the Resistance for more guns.
Right.
I don't understand how they swapped those crates, we loaded those guns ourselves.
Celeste What are you doing, my love? - Be quiet.
- You're the insider Rene was on to.
You did it all, the raid at the bar, the guns How? I had the box changed when you arrived.
The guns are still in the cargo bay.
- Then Goebbels knows? - No! He still thinks we're just Resistance tramps.
I was waiting for the big finale to hand all of your heads on a platter to Hitler, as a birthday present.
Oh, don't you cry! You! Who lets me go on for two years thinking you are dead! Making me doubt everything I've ever stood for.
You made me do this, Marcel! If that is your real name.
Now it's time for you to pay.
Will you stop this childish banter? - Get out of my way! - Mm? What are you doing here anyway? - What's going on? - This little mouse is actually a rat.
Drop the gun.
No.
Two parts dark rum, crushed ginger, fill with orange soda the perfect Heil Hitler.
Good work, Pierre.
One less traitor in the world.
That was Patriotic Dog, ladies and gentlemen, a tough act to follow.
And now, if I may have all of your attention, please.
As you all know, tonight we are here to celebrate the birthday of our majestic leader.
In the recent days, mein Führer, I have been preparing the ultimate birthday surprise.
If you would all care to turn to the window on your right.
I present to you, the Führer.
And now a light supper before the grand finale.
Ah, my Führer, did you enjoy your birthday surprise? But you'll miss the performance.
I'll get the weapons from the cargo bay, you lot will Pierre, pull yourself together! You lot will Attention! Hey! What are you doing? I need her for the performance.
The Führer requests her company.
Now! And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the grand finale performance The Rise of The Great Germanic Swan.
Happy birthday, mien Führer.
- You! - Claire? You idiot! I had him! Hey Wait, I So, Hitler is still alive, I see.
This war would be over if it weren't for Sergeant Screw-Up over here.
- You were in my line of fire! - Nice work, patriot.
Oh, quiet you! - Don't talk to her like that! - I'll speak to her however I please! You know what? The world doesn't need national monuments to remind people why they shouldn't kill themselves, because there's something else I know that does a much better job.
There's plenty of it, everyone can share it and it starts with the letter L.
You know what I mean.
- Tucker, shut up.
- Yes, very well.
Are you looking to make new friends? Don't look past Muchacho breath mints.
Muchacho, a new best friend, for your mouth.
All right, let's get straight to the biscuits.
At 0800 hours this morning an American soldier was eaten by a Nazi dinosaur.
Now, Nazi dinosaurs are popping up all over Europe.
Your mission: find out where Hitler is getting these things from and put a stop to it.
Oh yes, and of course, kill Hitler.
Again? Very well.
And then he whispered to me with his last breath "Pierre, always muddle the lime.
" But now I carry on his legacy the perfect Cherry Mendez.
Naturally.
He also taught me to make the world's quickest Bangkok Sunrise.
- Tucker, how is that Vodka Marconi? - Satisfactory.
How about now? Above satisfactory.
- Your double Jim Bourbons, Jackson? - Swell.
Claire, are you certain I cannot make you something? - It's 9 in the morning.
- Yes? You see no issue with drinking at 9 a.
m.
? Hey Claire, chill out.
Ugh.
Good morning boys and girls, we have orders.
Good day Colonel, can I mix you something? Yes, I'll have a er a Bangkok Sunrise, yes.
All right, everybody, at 0800 hours this morning the Nazis stole the Eiffel Tower.
The Eiffel Tower? Surely the Nazis have Shut up girl! We believe this could be the very beginning of the largest piece of Nazi propaganda ever executed by Hitler's propaganda wizard, Josef Goebbels.
It's safe to assume Goebbels has similar plans for other monuments.
I think we can all agree, a world without monuments is not worth living in.
Your mission: learn what the hell the Nazis want with the tower, where they're taking it, get it back.
And of course, as always, kill Hitler.
Looks like the loss of the tower has hit them quite hard, we must be sensitive.
Greetings, barkeep! Three Marconis and a Summer in Paris, please.
- Rene! - Marcel? - Son of a bitch! - Son of a whore! Marcel, I thought you bought it when we blew that bridge in Provence.
Sometimes I wish I did, old friend, sometimes I wish I did.
Marcel? Tell me you've come to return the tower.
- It is as you say, my friend.
- Girls, we are saved.
The great Marcel DeRochel has come to help return the tower! All of these fine girls are members of my battalion.
Each a true revolutionary.
Good front, no? Yes, they are Celeste? Bonjour, Marcel.
So, how have you been? - I thought you were dead.
- I'm not! - Don't ever leave me again! - I burn for you! Rrrr.
Four of my offensives have been sabotaged this last month, and I am beginning to suspect an insider.
Amongst your girls? Forget me.
Save yourself! Celeste! If this is the end of the line, couldn't you grant us one last drink? We will pay for it.
Inside that safe is gold, and frankincense and myrrh of very high quality.
If you let us have one last drink, I will give you the combination.
Very well.
Two, nine three, nine, four, nine two.
Bonjour.
Ah Marcel! I can't remember the last time we pulled the old life-saving Oh, I'm sorry, old friend.
Shh! You must rest.
You'll be better in the morning.
No.
No, Marcel, I'm not long of this world.
Please, do one thing for me.
Anything, my friend.
Get my ladies back.
They have no doubt been taken to the nearest outpost, by the river.
Where we used to take the girls on Bastille - You remember it, my friend? - I cherish those days.
Good.
Two parts grenadine, one part chartreuse, a pinch of salt and a fresh mint the perfect Fruit Madrid.
These are the latest group of detainees, mein Fuhrer.
I hope they are to your liking.
They all pale into insignificance when you really look at this one.
Isn't the irony sweet? The Resistance doing a performance at the Führer's birthday.
Argh! Hold up.
Good evening, sir, which mode do you require? Sexy bitch.
Sexy bitch mode activated.
Oh! Great work! Cut me loose.
What? Stop messing around and free me! Don't tell me that you're jealous that Hitler finds me attractive! Mm? The girls are bound to be locked up around here somewhere.
- Hey - Halt! Celeste? Claire! - We can jump it.
- No, we can't.
What the hell happened back there, llsa? That's the Statue of Liberty! That's what they want with the monuments? Don't look at it! You'll go blind with sorrow! - Dance at Hitler's birthday!? - No way in hell I'm gonna run around France chasing tail when Lady Liberty herself is in danger.
Girls are heading for the middle of a Nazi minestrone.
They need our help.
We need to tail that truck! - The team takes priority! - Not in my book.
I'm with Tucker on this one, my friend.
Celeste, and our comrades, need us.
Guess that leaves you and me llsa.
Fighting for freedom.
Mm Fine, I'm going to do what's right.
Traitor.
You're the traitor, Pedro.
Get me a new technical director! Who are you? John Schmidt, the new technical director.
What is this? Women don't talk.
These are the special costumes for the finale.
They are guaranteed, to blow the Führer away.
Not before I have inspected the Excuse me Herr Goebbels, the guards' new celebration outfits have arrived for your approval.
You'd better not mess up Schmidt.
- Celeste, are you all right, my love? - I knew you would come.
You'll get us killed.
What happened to the mission? Where's Jackson? It seemed you'd landed yourselves in a Wednesday casserole of a situation.
- We're here to get you out.
- Get us out? We have everything under control, Tucker.
I have an after dinner appointment with Hitler tomorrow night.
- The perfect chance to kill him.
- We're thinking bigger than Hitler.
Soon this place is going to be jam-packed with Nazi top brass and we're going to put on the best darn dance performance the Third Reich has ever seen.
Then, when they are fired up and ready for an encore, we'll give them an encore, an encore of bullets.
The crate is jam-packed with resistance-grade bang-bang.
Now that, my dear, is a real plan.
This doesn't look like rehearsal.
We are talking about the art of dance.
What do these special costumes look like? Special.
I would like to see one of them.
- Why ruin the surprise? - Crowbar! Oh.
.
argh.
Good, the Führer likes swans.
Terrific plan.
- Fire.
- Fire! Fire! Say, are they those military issue cigarettes, the kind that coat your lungs in thick menthol, making you impervious to gas? Yeah.
Why didn't I get any? Don't worry, Lady Liberty.
I've got your back.
Your Kronsteen, mein Führer, medium sweet just as you like it.
Thank you mein F Will you excuse me a moment, mein Führer? Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Hurry up, we don't have much time.
Radio the Resistance for more guns.
Right.
I don't understand how they swapped those crates, we loaded those guns ourselves.
Celeste What are you doing, my love? - Be quiet.
- You're the insider Rene was on to.
You did it all, the raid at the bar, the guns How? I had the box changed when you arrived.
The guns are still in the cargo bay.
- Then Goebbels knows? - No! He still thinks we're just Resistance tramps.
I was waiting for the big finale to hand all of your heads on a platter to Hitler, as a birthday present.
Oh, don't you cry! You! Who lets me go on for two years thinking you are dead! Making me doubt everything I've ever stood for.
You made me do this, Marcel! If that is your real name.
Now it's time for you to pay.
Will you stop this childish banter? - Get out of my way! - Mm? What are you doing here anyway? - What's going on? - This little mouse is actually a rat.
Drop the gun.
No.
Two parts dark rum, crushed ginger, fill with orange soda the perfect Heil Hitler.
Good work, Pierre.
One less traitor in the world.
That was Patriotic Dog, ladies and gentlemen, a tough act to follow.
And now, if I may have all of your attention, please.
As you all know, tonight we are here to celebrate the birthday of our majestic leader.
In the recent days, mein Führer, I have been preparing the ultimate birthday surprise.
If you would all care to turn to the window on your right.
I present to you, the Führer.
And now a light supper before the grand finale.
Ah, my Führer, did you enjoy your birthday surprise? But you'll miss the performance.
I'll get the weapons from the cargo bay, you lot will Pierre, pull yourself together! You lot will Attention! Hey! What are you doing? I need her for the performance.
The Führer requests her company.
Now! And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the grand finale performance The Rise of The Great Germanic Swan.
Happy birthday, mien Führer.
- You! - Claire? You idiot! I had him! Hey Wait, I So, Hitler is still alive, I see.
This war would be over if it weren't for Sergeant Screw-Up over here.
- You were in my line of fire! - Nice work, patriot.
Oh, quiet you! - Don't talk to her like that! - I'll speak to her however I please! You know what? The world doesn't need national monuments to remind people why they shouldn't kill themselves, because there's something else I know that does a much better job.
There's plenty of it, everyone can share it and it starts with the letter L.
You know what I mean.
- Tucker, shut up.
- Yes, very well.
Are you looking to make new friends? Don't look past Muchacho breath mints.
Muchacho, a new best friend, for your mouth.
All right, let's get straight to the biscuits.
At 0800 hours this morning an American soldier was eaten by a Nazi dinosaur.
Now, Nazi dinosaurs are popping up all over Europe.
Your mission: find out where Hitler is getting these things from and put a stop to it.
Oh yes, and of course, kill Hitler.