Dawson's Creek s03e05 Episode Script

Luke, I am your father.
Pacey you're monopolizing what's passing for a breeze.
Dawson, this is gonna go down as one of the most abysmal movie nights ever.
- Care to elaborate? - Well, look around you, my friend.
Two happening young guys in the prime of our lives can't find anything to do but sit in a sweatbox in the middle of an armpit-staining Indian summer and watch old movies.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we used to have really cute girlfriends? That was a long time ago, Pace, in a galaxy far, far away.
God.
I can't wrap my head around this film noir stuff which is making it difficult to churn out a paper on it.
Of course you can't wrap your head around it.
- Excuse me? - What we're watching is the cinema of cynicism.
No self-respecting son of Spielberg would feel comfortable in a morally ambiguous world populated with hard-boiled antiheroes and duplicitous femme fatales.
Could we just reschedule this verbal joust? It's too hot for spiky repartee.
But this right here, this is celluloid a fellow like me can relate to.
Pacey Witter is nothing if not the walking, talking embodiment of the fallible protagonist.
Okay, Johnny Antihero, explain to me this: How can this guy not know that this woman is setting him up for a fall of epic proportions? Because, Dawson not all of us are as immune to the lure of sex as you are.
Not all of us would opt for the warm and fuzzy emotional connections over those of let's say, a more physical nature.
You know? Most of us are just big, dumb guys happy to sell our souls for the slimmest chance of getting some.
- Can I quote you on that? - Oh, yeah.
Witter, two T's.
Fun time's over.
All this rapid-fire deconstruction is making me weary, Leery.
I think I shall retire to cooler climes namely, the air-conditioned interior of my pop's squad car.
Good night, Pacey.
Capeside police.
Yeah, I'd like to report a possible robbery.
Hi, Dawson.
Okay, explanation.
Thanks to your nosy neighbour antics out there, Dawson I fell down and went boom.
Kiss and make better? Eve, I just called the police.
They're gonna be here any minute.
Okay, I'll spill.
We didn't want you to find out this way, Dawson, but me and Jen we're having ourselves quite the torrid little affair.
Sleepovers, late-night pillow fights, brushing each other's hair tickling each other's arms, all that groovy stuff we girls do in pretty pink rooms behind closed doors.
There was a breaking, an entering and a flashlight.
- All that's missing is a ski mask.
- Good God.
Not even the suggestion of teen lesbianism can get you off my case.
Can't we just, like, make out or something? Let me kiss all your queries away.
Tell me your version or I tell the police mine.
Fine.
Do what your big, bleeding heart wants, Dawson.
But here's a filthy four-letter word for you, and don't you dare blush: PSAT, baby.
Don't you remember where you were when the cataclysmic PSAT scandal of '99 went down? - I for sure do.
- Is that some sort of threat? I remind you, you're the one that actually stole the test.
May I remind you that you're the one who gladly accepted my trial offer? So feel free to get all boy-scouty on me, Dawson but you should know, I'd get quite the perverse thrill out of making things profoundly uncomfortable for you and the rest of the Sweet Valley High extras you call your friends.
Doug, hi.
My sincerest apologies.
I thought I saw something next door, but it was actually just Jen sneaking in the window so as not to disturb Grams.
You sure about that, Dawson? Yeah.
Yeah, just Okay, then.
I saw this article in this magazine once where they put this thing up in the sky so that kids studying astronomy could track something during the night, and I think that is it right- Or maybe that's it.
What, you expect me to believe there's some sort of giant disco ball orbiting the Earth? Okay, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of stupid.
Maybe we should think about getting out of here.
I don't think so.
Not before the main event.
Come on, we've got the stars, we've got the moonlight.
It's perfect.
Yeah, lying in the grass on a hot Indian-summer night with your gay best friend.
That's your definition of perfect? A girl could do a lot worse.
Come on, Jen, I know you too well.
You can't tell me there isn't someone else you'd rather be stargazing with.
Okay, you got me.
- Matt Damon.
- Yeah, right.
What, you don't approve? All right, I'll go with Ben Affleck, then.
Well, he's got that scruffy, indie-cred appeal.
- Well? - No comment.
Besides, I was talking more about the realm of the, say, possible? Henry, for instance? The freshman? Yeah, the guy paid 500 bucks just to kiss you.
You gotta admit, that's kind of sweet.
Jack, Jack, Jack, my naive little pet it's the sweet ones you have to watch out for.
They'll run over you like a Mack truck.
Well, Henry's harmless.
Besides, he worships you.
He's a teenage boy.
He'd worship anything in a Wonderbra.
Besides I'm already sleeping with the best-looking guy on the football team.
And best friends are nothing to sneeze at.
God, I remember when I first met Joey and Dawson.
I was so envious of what they had, all that history.
Then that whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing kicked in.
See, that's what's so great about us.
Sex will never come between you and me.
No! Get the shoes! Get the shoes! Get the shoes! Not so tough now, are you, homecoming queen? Look at you.
You just said that this wasn't perfect.
Come on, Potter, take a break.
Hydrate yourself.
- No, thanks, I'm fine.
- I insist.
It would look very bad for the Logans if you got heat stroke and died on them.
It's nice to know you care.
How can it possibly be this hot at 7:30 in the morning? Is this gonna offend your delicate sensibilities? I'll probably swoon with excitement but seeing as though I need this job to support my sister and nephew I will just choose to look the other way.
So, Potter, what do you say? You and me and the movies tonight? Oh, joy.
Is this the part of our workday where you get inappropriate? - That depends on what your answer is.
- My answer is ask me again in two years when I am legal.
Watch, some other lucky lady's gonna take me up on this offer and you're gonna be green with envy.
I think I can live with that possibility.
Stop it! Stop! - It's just water.
- Stop it.
Stop it! What, are all teenage girls as uptight as you? No, just the ones with half a brain.
- You say she was a very close friend? - Very close, yes.
And yet you don't know where she lives? Oh, I'm sorry, kid.
We're closed.
I'm not here for the titillation.
I'm looking for a girl I go to school with.
She worked here.
- What's the name? - Whitman.
Eve Whitman.
She's a tall, leggy blond genetically engineered to corrupt the male species.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
- Somebody's playing with you.
- What do you mean? - Kid, how old are you, 16? - Yeah.
If you're 16, that means you're underage.
If you're underage, you'd never be permitted in my establishment.
If you're going to school with one of my girls, she'd be underage too.
So, what can we take away from today's tutorial? There is not, there was not, there never has been an Eve Whitman enrolled at Capeside High.
Come on, come on.
Let's go already.
I don't see why we have to practice in this heat.
It's gotta violate a thousand child endangerment laws.
Yeah, yeah.
Talk to the hand.
Listen, if we're late big, bad Mitch is gonna kick our- - Kick our what? - Don't look.
She's coming.
She's coming this way.
Just act normal.
Henry, when she comes over here, just ask her out already.
- This is ridiculous.
- It's not that easy.
You don't know how hard it is for me to talk to her.
Look at her.
She's, like, this perfect thing.
If you think she looks good in that, you should see her in a towel.
Boys, do I have good news.
The ice cream man, right outside.
- You want a lick? - No, thanks.
Henry? No? Okay, suit yourself.
I'll see you later? - Later.
- Bye, Henry.
You see? You see what happens to me? Why I can't ask her out? She gets within 3 feet of me and it's like my hard drive crashes.
I go preverbal.
Probably, if I asked her out, I'd hurl all over her like that kid in South Park.
Okay, so, what if you didn't have to ask her out? You mean like you could get her to ask me out? I'm so down with that feminist stuff.
Henry, I'm good, but I'm not that good.
What if your first date was, like? Was like kismet? You know, like fate? Two people just happening to be at the exact same place at the exact same time.
Dawson Leery.
How are things that go bump in the night? Deputy Witter, I was wondering if I could pose a hypothetical.
Pose away.
I'm working on a screenplay.
A film noir piece with a cop protagonist.
Could I pick your brain for the story? How can I help? Well, I could use some help with procedure, actually.
I'm stuck on the part where the hero is trying to find the femme fatale who's all but disappeared at this point.
How would a law enforcement professional like yourself find someone who doesn't wanna be found? That's a good question, Dawson.
Now, part of police work is knowing who your enemy is.
So let me ask you this: Who is this girl? She's kind of a lost soul.
She comes off like sort of a wild child but she's really sweet and vulnerable underneath all the posturing.
- Laundromat.
- Come again? - Laundromat.
- A laundromat.
Really? Yeah, you know, you see, Dawson, in a small town such as Capeside everybody, except for those with questionable hygiene sensibilities has to do their laundry at some point.
So you're saying you would stake out the laundromat? Exactly.
Obsession is not a pretty thing, my friend.
Doesn't it bother you? What, that we don't know all about Eve? Let me give you a little life lesson from the Witter vault.
Oh, God.
There are some women who will come onto the movie set that is your life and function solely as day players.
They'll show up, know their dialogue, hit their marks occasionally steal a scene or two but they will remain always and forever an impenetrable mystery.
But Eve barged into my life and stirred things up for her own amusement.
Correct me if I'm wrong, Dawson but didn't she try to go where no girl has gone before? Synopsise with me.
She works in a strip club, but she doesn't, all right? She says she goes to our school, but she doesn't.
She appears.
She disappears.
She reappears without rhyme or reason.
- Who the hell is this girl? - Okay, simmer down, Dawson.
This girl is giving you a meltdown.
Here's what I propose: We take a trip down to the video store.
You want film noir, right? How about that one with Matt Dillon where he has that really outstanding threesome with Neve Campbell and that chick from Starship Troopers? Yeah.
Oh, hey, one more thing.
My brother, he gave you the laundromat speech, didn't he? Yeah.
Hi.
Can I help you? Yo.
Now, Deputy Doug's laundromat theory may be all well and good but it's a tad too Andy of Mayberry for my taste.
Given my druthers I prefer Sheriff Dad's dissertation on how to pin a tail on the suspect.
Watch and learn, my friend.
Miss? A little service here, please? - Very funny.
- I'm serious.
I got my father's Sea Ray cruiser there.
Could you fill it up for me? I don't wanna get gas all over myself.
I'm on a date here.
So I smell.
You may have gone a little overboard on the cK One.
Wait till you see her, Potter.
She's a cutie.
About your age too.
Better dresser, though.
Not so uptight about showing off a little skin.
I'm gonna get so lucky tonight.
Don't tell me you found a high-school girl so riddled with insecurities she'd actually fall for your minor-league Humbert Humbert impersonations.
Hey, Joey! Isn't this great? I was at the country club today with my dad, and I ran into Rob.
- I didn't know you two knew each other.
- Oh, sure.
He went to prep school with my brother Tim.
So did you know that Joey and I were friends? Oh, I had a sneaking suspicion.
After all, it is a small town.
So, Andie, where's moneybags taking you tonight? All the way down to the Bahamas and back? No, we're just going to the movies.
It's too hot to do anything else.
Well, almost anything else.
That wasn't a sexual overture, was it? Not in front of the K-I-D.
- I'm all finished here.
- Great.
Here you go, Potter.
Buy yourself something pretty.
Save it for bail money.
Okay.
Let's see what this puppy can do.
Bye, Joey! Coincidence.
Moonlight.
Tell her how nice she looks.
What a beautiful spot this is.
Don't puke, don't puke, don't puke, don't puke, don't puke Henry? You okay? Gulp once for yes, twice for no.
Once.
Good, okay.
- What's on your hand? - Nothing.
- Jen? - Yeah.
You You're awesome.
You look awesome.
You smell awesome.
Everything about you is awesome.
I just- I wanted you to know that.
Good to know.
So, what are you doing here? Hanging out, you know? The same thing you are, just hanging out.
Actually, I'm just waiting for Jack.
Oh, well, Jack couldn't be here tonight because he had these other plans important plans, so he sent me instead.
Okay, I think I know where this is going.
Continue.
- That's- That's it.
- Out with it, Henry.
Well, I guess he thought if you were here and I were here and we were both - Here.
- Here, together then it would be like a date, you know, like our first date.
Henry, I know you're new at this, being all of, I don't know, what, 14? - Fifteen.
- Okay, 15.
Dating is a consensual activity that usually involves some sort of prearrangement.
Next time, don't skip the part where you ask me.
And the plot thickens, my friend.
Where're you going? What, are you daft, man? I'm going after her.
That girl is in dire need of following.
You follow her.
I'm gonna check out that boat.
Sure, now you're thinking, butch.
Hands up! You're under arrest.
Dawson Leery.
Why am I not surprised? Let me guess, research for your screenplay.
No, a friend of mine lives here.
This friend wouldn't be your mysterious femme fatale, would she? No.
Nothing as lurid as that, I'm afraid.
Just a friend.
Funny.
Never figured you for the type to be pals with octogenarians.
Come again? That boat on which you were a trespasser belongs to a Mr.
and Mrs.
Paul Stepmuck.
Sweet little couple, somewhere in their late 80s.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
"Oh.
" Dawson, the Stepmucks are big fans of Capeside but only in the summertime.
They spend the rest of their golden year in New York City.
I clambered aboard the wrong boat.
Maybe you did clamber wrong.
Or maybe your friend is the one we've been looking for.
- What do you mean? - Couple weeks ago somebody stole a speedboat and took it for a little joy ride.
A speedboat, really? You wouldn't know anything about that, would you, Dawson? No.
I mean, why would I? Look, Dawson I know that you're a good kid but something is going on with you.
All of a sudden, you're the boy who cried 911 you pose thinly veiled hypotheticals to an officer of the law and all of this somehow revolves around some mysterious femme fatale which, of course, begs the question: Is there something you have to tell me, Dawson? Deputy Doug in the house! Oh, I should've known.
Wherever there's smoke, there's my imbecilic little brother.
Doug, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times despite his dapper, Gap-clad appearance my friend Dawson does not play for your team, okay? Find another date to the policeman's ball.
Little brother your obsession with my sexuality is just plain weird.
Look, do I have to talk to Dad again? Doug it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow it might not be the day after that, but one of these days you're gonna open your mailbox and that Adv ocate cover story will be yours.
The copy's gonna read: "Good Cop, Gay Cop: The Dougie Witter Story.
" And I'm telling you, Doug, we are gonna be so proud of you.
Really, truly.
I am not gay! Now, both of you, off this dock now! I mean it.
- So? - She's squirrelly, that one.
Lost me like that.
Oh, my God, Joey! What are you doing here? It doesn't matter.
Isn't this amazing? Me on a date with Rob Logan, Senator Logan's son.
His parents are loaded.
Not that that matters, but it doesn't hurt.
And he's so cute.
Slow down, Andie, okay? Rob Logan is not a nice guy.
Since I started working for him my life has become one gigantic leer-fest.
He's a creep to an exponential degree.
Okay, Joey, this may come as a surprise to you but not everybody minds being looked at as a sexual object.
The guy hits on me daily in a wide variety of creative and not-so-creative ways.
My first day, he walked in on me while I was changing my clothes.
Why are you trying to ruin this for me? Look, I'm not trying to ruin anything.
I just thought you should know what kind of a guy Rob Logan really is.
Joey, guys is hardly your area of expertise.
I mean, between Dawson and my gay brother I'm sorry, but it's true.
You're not exactly sophisticated when it comes to dealing with guys.
Get a grip, okay? It's not about me.
Yeah, it is, Joey.
I mean, you're still fixated on Dawson and you're so closed off to any new experience that a guy so much as looks at you and you freak out.
Joey, staying home every Friday night isn't gonna bring him back.
And going out with a nimrod like Rob Logan is a recipe for recovery? If you think this little escapade will help you get over Pacey- Joey, I'm moving on with my life.
Somehow, I thought you of all people would understand that and be happy for me.
I guess I was wrong.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
I was getting worried.
You missed the previews and the dancing candy.
Sorry, long line.
This is gonna be great.
Excuse me.
Coming through.
Pardon me.
Sorry.
Joey, what are you doing? These are great seats.
Regular or diet? I couldn't remember, so I got both.
No, get out of here, now.
Andie, in the light of the day, you can psychoanalyse me all you want but I am not leaving you alone with this guy.
What the hell is going on here, Potter? Do you like nachos? Personally, I find them to be one of the more disgusting innovations in movie food.
I mean, all this congealed stuff.
It's not even cheese, you know.
It's kind of cheese food.
Here.
Try them.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
This is comic gold, this stuff.
Goober? There's ice cream in the freezer.
Oh, yeah.
Since football, I've been eating you out of house and home.
No problem.
I wish I felt more like I was earning my keep around here.
But you are.
You are making my granddaughter happy.
Happier than I've seen her in quite a long while.
Oh, Jennifer, you scared me half to death.
I'm sorry, Grams.
Getting surprised really sucks, doesn't it, Jack? - Jennifer- - This is between Jack and I.
So how does it work? Do you take cash, credit card? Is it just Henry, or do I have to service the entire football team? Calm down.
You're overreacting.
Which one of you is going to tell me what's going on here? I just thought I'd do a favour for a friend, so I set them up.
- I thought it would be romantic.
- About as romantic as a carjacking.
He's just a kid, all right? He's a nice kid and he likes you.
Yeah, real nice.
He stares at me like I'm a pornographic fantasy come to life.
- He's infatuated with you.
- Well, I'm not infatuated with him.
I told you a thousand times, and you didn't listen.
- You took his side.
- I didn't take anybody's side.
I just- Wanted to get your little football buddy lucky.
Well, sorry.
What the hell are you doing in my room? - I want my picture back.
- And I want some answers.
Fine, Dawson, what would you like to know? I'd like to know why every single word out of your mouth has been a lie.
Why you claim to be a high-school student.
Why you live in a yacht that's not yours.
I wanna know once and for all who you are.
You have every right to ask those questions, Dawson - and the answers are forthcoming.
- I'm sick of being toyed with.
Since you slam-danced your way into my life, I wrecked my father's boat- That was worth every penny, and you know it.
It's been one disaster after another.
I turn a dork into a stud in a matter of weeks and this is my thank-you note? Where's the love? Eve, the " I'm so hip and amoral" routine is really old.
- Is that what you think I am, amoral? - Either that or a criminal.
Sticks and stones, Dawson.
- Now, give me back my picture.
- Eve, for the last time what were you doing in Grams' house? Looking for something to steal to get bus money out of here.
There, satisfied? Now, give it to me.
Not until you tell me how a faded, old snapshot could mean so much to someone as cold and detached as you.
You're right, Dawson.
I never was a student.
The yacht not mine.
I was just sort of squatting.
And that girl is my mother, Dawson whom I've never met whom I'm trying to find.
And that picture is my only clue.
Talk.
I'll listen.
Okay, let's see, where to begin? How about last Christmas, as I was rummaging around in the attic looking for some wrapping paper? I found the photo in question of the girl that bears me an uncanny resemblance.
What did you do? I asked my folks, of course.
And? Painted into a corner, Mom and Major Dad finally told me the truth.
- That you were adopted? - That's right.
No more calls, we have a winner.
What did you do? Nothing.
Very strangely, I had no angst whatsoever.
It's only after that it kind of crept up on me that I had this oestrogen-charged urge to seek out the missing pieces of the puzzle.
Which brings you to Capeside why? All I know about my mother is that she lived somewhere in this part of the country, near the ocean.
I've been travelling up and down the Eastern Seaboard, asking questions - hoping to get lucky.
- And have you? Depends on what you mean.
No, Dawson, I haven't found her.
Not yet, anyway, and not here.
Which means it's time for me to move on and so ends another instalment in my melodrama.
It's more Movie of the Week than film noir.
- With an edge.
- With a lot of edge.
Oh, I don't know.
Eve, call me gullible but this time I actually believe you.
Thanks, Dawson.
You're a hugely sweet boy and you're right, I played with you.
I do that, I guess.
I move into a new town and chances are I'm not staying forever so I play a role.
That way no one can get close to me and believe me, most guys are content with me, the actress.
But you dug at me.
You wanted to see inside my screwed-up little soul.
Well, I mean once you get past the lying and the stealing and the using sex as a weapon there's a lot of good stuff in there.
I hope I haven't done anything irredeemable.
I'd like to think you'll remember me once in a while and smile.
Well, the ride in my father's boat will always elicit a giddy grin or three.
See, there you go.
Maybe I'll even get a footnote in the unauthorized biography.
You just might warrant a whole chapter.
I'll be checking the credits for you, Dawson.
Take care, Eve.
Should I just fall on my sword now or wait until the battle's over? What do I care? Either way, you're a dead man.
Look this whole Henry thing you got it all wrong, okay? I didn't do it for him.
I did it for you.
I'm serious.
I just wanted to show you that the things that you want are there for the taking if you just, you know, believe you deserve them.
You don't get it.
This was our place, yours and mine.
- Doesn't that mean something to you? - Yeah, of course it does - but, I mean, don't you want more? - No.
Not from us.
Jack I've had lovers, I've had boyfriends but what I've never had is a boy who is first and last a friend.
Who wasn't secretly trying to get in my pants or wouldn't walk away from me if I didn't want to sleep with him.
Who liked me for me.
Unless you've recently decided to be bisexual.
I think that you setting me up was a lot more about you than it was me.
Come on, give me a break.
I do not have a secret crush on Henry Parker.
Neither do I, but that's not what I'm talking about.
I mean, maybe it's you who's lonely for the relationship.
Well, maybe I am.
This isn't exactly New York where gay kids are tripping over each other coming out of the closet.
This is Capeside.
Gay population is one.
It's me.
I'm it.
Jack you're gonna have a love life.
You're gonna have a fantastic love life and it's gonna be awesome and terrifying and And when it happens, it's gonna change your whole life.
Yeah, it's easy for you to say.
I know it is.
You just You have to have faith that sometimes things happen when they're least expected.
See what I mean? - Hey.
- Hey.
Stud-puppy's not here yet.
You must have kept him out pretty late last night.
Okay, nothing happened.
And not that you deserve an explanation but after the movie, he walked me to my door and was a perfect gentleman.
Yeah, he's a prince, all right.
Prince of Darkness.
Hey, Rob.
Slacking off on the job again, Potter? You know, Joey and I, just girl talk.
Yeah, I know.
So last night, quite a threesome.
Only, next time, I wanna be in the middle.
It was an unexpected pleasure, though.
I assumed you were working.
Don't we stay open till 8 on Fridays? Nobody ever comes in after 7, you know that, Rob.
Just answer the question, Potter.
Yeah, we usually stay open until 8 on Fridays.
You're fired.
- What? - You heard me.
I'm in charge.
It's unacceptable for an employee to close early without my permission.
And that's really why you're firing me.
Spare me the adolescent mini-drama, Potter.
You're fired because you closed early.
End of story.
Joey- She can explain.
I mean, this is all just a really big misunderstanding.
Don't bother, Andie.
Nice working with you, Potter.
You know what, Rob? The day your out-of-whack libido lands you in so deep that not even Daddy can save your ass don't call me as a character witness.
Rot in hell.
My word.
Beware of heretics bearing air conditioners.
My father's orders.
He wanted me to take this extra of ours over to you.
Mrs.
Ryan, who is that in that picture? Oh, that's our Lord, Jesus Christ as interpreted by one of our gifted Sunday school students.
I meant the one below it.
That's my daughter, Helen.
She can't have been more than 18 there.
As I recall, it was right before she went away to college.
So that's Jen's mom? I have only one daughter, Dawson Leery.