Dead to Me (2019) s01e02 Episode Script

This is delicious.
You wouldn't even know it's not meat, right? - Wrong.
- Char.
- This isn't meat? - Nope.
I can't eat this.
Okay.
You know what? You are being a jerk.
We have a guest.
Is she a guest or does she live here now? Yeah.
How long is Judy staying with us? Um Well, I don't know.
It's the - first night, so - I mean, we haven't talked about it.
- No.
We've never discussed the exact - I don't know.
Is it like - time frame, but - I don't wanna be awkward about it.
No.
Let's not be awkward, it's - Whatever you - Whatever you need.
- As long as you want it.
- As long as you want it.
- Sounds good.
- Okay? You don't even know her.
You met her in some group a few weeks ago.
And now she's gonna live in Dad's studio.
- Do you know how fucked up that is? - Okay.
She is sitting right here, so you're being rude, A.
B, enough with the "fucks," okay? You're 14 years old.
And C, I would never, ever put you in harm's way.
Okay? Everything is gonna be fine.
I'm an excellent judge of character.
Except for that one babysitter that stole money from your evening bag.
Stephanie.
Yeah, Stephanie.
Okay.
You know, well, Judy is not a petty thief with an opioid addiction.
- That I know of.
- No, I'm not.
But I hope that Stephanie got the help that she needs.
She's dead.
Um Charlie, I totally get it that it's weird that I'm here.
Look, you could be anybody.
I could be anybody.
She could be a crazy person.
So could I.
So could I.
I'm really sorry about Charlie.
He's just God, he's been such a little dick since his dad died.
- Oh, he's great.
- If you think he's great, then you are a saint.
- Oh, he's great.
- No, I'm not a saint.
- You are an angel.
- Oh, please.
No.
- You'll come find that I am the devil.
- I'm the devil.
I'm glad you're here.
Me, too.
Oh, you know what? There's some fresh linens and towels over there for you.
I I'm sorry, I didn't make up the bed.
I just haven't been able to bring myself to go into the guesthouse since Oh, stop it.
Come on.
You are so nice.
I can't thank you enough.
- You're such a good friend.
- Oh! Well not that good.
What? Look, this wasn't my finest moment.
But I gave Steve my business card the night I found out he wasn't dead.
- Oh.
- And he called me, and I'm selling his house.
- Okay.
- I'm really sorry.
But to be fair, in the moment, I thought you were a lying psychopath.
- No, of course.
- Oh, my God.
You're bleeding.
- What? - You're bleeding.
Oh, God.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah.
It's a nick.
- The glass chipped.
Sorry.
- Okay.
Look, I just I just hope it's not gonna be weird, me working with Steve.
Hmm It's a little weird.
I mean, not as weird as you lying about him being dead, but No.
Right, not that weird.
- That was way weird.
- Yeah.
- Can I please get you a Band-Aid? - No, I'm Because it looks like a gash, not really a nick.
I'm a bleeder.
Everyone's a bleeder, but that's just real grim.
I just I don't know.
I guess maybe I thought that, like, I don't know, if Steve and I would work it out or something.
- Do you still have feelings for him? - No.
I shouldn't.
You know what? This is probably for the best, you know? - It's gonna force you to just move on.
- Yeah.
But I just That was our house.
We were gonna have a family there.
And he doesn't even run it past me? Well, you know what? You can stay here as long as you want.
- Oh, stop.
- Okay? Oh! Yeah.
You know, I'm gonna get the first aid kit, 'cause this looks like a horror movie.
Thank you.
Oh, Jesus Oh, my God.
Hey! Slow down! 2QCE 265.
2QCE 265.
2QCE 265.
Hi, Gina.
Is Steve around? - Judy.
- Hi.
Haven't seen you in a while.
Steve's actually not in.
- Oh.
Mind if I just check? - Actually, I'm not supposed to - Judy.
Hey, girl.
Can I help - Hey, girl.
Sorry, girl, but you really can't be in here.
Girl, I know! Bye, girl.
Bye.
Uh-huh.
2QCE 265.
He was speeding near the street that Ted was hit, so I just thought maybe there'd be a connection there.
Oh, that's a stretch? Well, maybe if you found the guy, I wouldn't have to fucking stretch! - Who we yelling at now? - Cops.
Wonderful.
Steve is here.
- Hey-o.
- Hey! There he is! Christopher was just giving me a tour of your office.
Nice! Love it.
It's, like, beachy but not tacky.
You know, it's a tough wave to surf.
Thank you.
Have a seat.
I can't wait to take a tour of your house.
I drove past it last week.
Goosebumps from stem to stern.
Oh, here's the exclusivity agreement.
Yeah, thanks.
No, it's a sweet place, definitely, but way too much room for me now.
- Right, yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, hey, how's Judy? Did you find her that night you came looking for her? I did.
Yes.
Actually, um It was just a really funny misunderstanding, but meant to be.
How so? Well, I met you.
And now we are working together.
You have been hanging out with Judy.
Sounds like something she would say.
Judy's actually living with Jen now.
- Is she? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, in my guesthouse.
It's, uh, really It's nice having another adult around after my husband died, so She needed a place to land.
And it just worked out for both of us.
Great.
It's very kind of you.
You know, Judy's - She's been through a lot.
- I know.
I know.
She's really She's been a rock for me.
Really? Yeah.
Why? Uh, look, I don't want to talk badly about her, but uh for whatever it's worth, let's just say wherever Judy goes, chaos tends to follow.
- Okay.
- No, really.
I wish her the best.
But, uh, she is, um a little nuts.
Well, that feels like new information.
What in the holy fuck? You are free.
Oh, God.
Oh, boy.
Motherfucker! - Hey! - You threw rock at my car crazy bitch? You could've hit someone, asshole.
Slow the fuck down.
Yeah? Make me.
Ew! Fuck you! Yes, it was the same asshole, still speeding and the fucker spit at me.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, that is the exact message I want you to give the detective.
Thank you.
Hey.
Hi.
Breakfast is almost ready.
Um, have you been sleeping outside? Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Um I mean, is the guesthouse not Are you.
not - Why? - The guesthouse is great.
- Okay.
- It's just, it's Honestly, it's hard.
Okay.
There's a lot of Ted in there.
Like, a lot of his stuff, and I just It's, like, I don't know.
It's kinda, like, spiritually overwhelming.
Oh.
But it's okay.
Well, it doesn't You're clearly upset, so it doesn't seem okay.
I'm sorry.
No, no, please.
I'm I'm sorry.
No, I'm so sorry.
And honestly, there's, like, a lot of valuable stuff in there.
So, I mean, maybe the kids want it or you could even sell some of it and make some money.
I can't even bring myself to go in there.
You think I'm ready to start selling his stuff? Oh, God, you're right.
I'm sorry.
- I didn't - Oh, no.
I swear I didn't mean for you to get rid of anything.
I can never get rid of anything.
I mean, I'm such a collector.
I totally am.
I get it.
I even keep some of my stuff in a storage facility.
- Okay.
Just one sec.
- Wait, you know what? Forget I even said that.
Shit! Ugh.
- Hi.
- Ma'am.
So, did you find the guy? The license plate I called in? That fucking aggro piece of shit? - That's not - I don't know.
We're looking for Judy Hale.
Oh.
Why are you looking for Judy? - I'm Judy.
- Ma'am, we're here to inform you that a temporary restraining order has been placed on you, barring you within 100 feet of Steven Wood.
If we receive a complaint or notice that you have violated the terms of this order, you will be arrested.
Do you understand? I understand.
Have a good day.
- I can see how this looks.
- So, what, are you Are you stalking him? No.
Not really.
So, so, what is it? Just, like, a light stalking? I called him a bunch of times, and he didn't answer, so I showed up at his office.
- So you went to his office? - And his house.
- And then the golf course.
- Judy I swear, this is more a reflection of his character than it is of mine.
I have two kids who've been through a lot.
I don't need cops showing up at my door.
I just wanted to talk to him about selling the house, But he'd rather call up his cop friends and file a restraining order to keep me from telling him how hurt I am.
Hmm.
I'm just hurt.
Mm-hmm.
Bet you didn't know she was a stalker, huh? I did, actually, so Fuck.
- I told you that Steven was an asshole.
- I know.
Why'd you even wanna talk to that putz? - There's a lot of things left unsaid.
- Let him go.
- Good riddance.
- I know.
I can't.
Maybe I am crazy.
You are crazy.
But who isn't? You know what you oughta do? You oughta fill out one of these online profiles.
Or help me.
I don't know what I'm doing.
All right.
Let's see.
Abe, you know, you don't need to do online dating.
Half the women in here are dying to get with you.
Let's see how you did.
Yup, you're alive.
Oh, you don't hear that too often around here.
You know, if I saw you in here, I'd click.
I'm not good enough for you.
Forty years ago, maybe, but I'm not so picky now.
- I'm serious.
- Hmm? I've done some really bad things, Abe.
Aww, who among us? We all mess up.
But I know you.
You're good.
Crazy or not.
- I love you.
- Aww.
Welcome to my humble abode.
Told you I'd make it up to you.
You did good.
Steve, can I be honest? - No, lie to me.
- Hilarious.
This place is stunning, bro.
- Oh, thanks, man.
- No, it's perfect.
It It'll sell so fast.
I mean, these interiors! Are you sure you're not gay? That I know of.
No, I'm sure.
Water? Cold, room temp? Oh, I'm so good.
Can I keep giving myself a tour? Yeah, man.
Knock yourself out, bro.
- Here we are.
- Oh, thanks.
- Figured you were a room temp girl.
- You got me.
- Perfect.
- It really is stunning.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
It's weird, though.
I would never know Judy ever lived here.
Hm.
Yeah, I just always had a pretty clear vision of the space, I guess.
She just let me run with it.
You know, I, um I don't wanna get in the middle of anything, but a restraining order? I mean, how concerned should I be? Uh I'm sorry if that whole thing caused any drama, but, um, I felt like I needed to send a message.
You know, she won't leave me alone.
Um I just wanna move on.
That's all.
Right.
I'm gonna Can I go upstairs? - Mm.
Mi casa is your casa.
Please.
- Going up, too? - Of course.
- Great.
Ooh! What's in here? Oh, you know, actually Maybe you don't Okay.
Well, this needs a little work.
Oh, I'm sorry about this.
Oh.
Uh, it's okay.
Well, you know, I honestly kind of forget about this room.
I usually just keep the doors shut and - I can't really bring myself to - It's I get it.
Judy told me about the miscarriages.
She did? Yeah.
She did.
It's terrible.
Can't tell you how many times we started decorating this room.
I can imagine.
We waited too.
You know this last time we thought we were in the clear.
I mean, she was five months.
Um Should've waited longer.
You know, babies don't even need their own room Look, I guess I don't know either of you very well, but for what's it's worth, if I had gone through what you and Judy went through, I'd be a little nuts too.
Yeah.
I'm gonna show you the master suite.
It's sick.
Hm-hm.
Okay.
Hey, Charlie.
What's up? What are you doing? Oh! Cool.
That game looks so violent.
It's, like, disturbing, huh? I don't talk to strangers.
Yeah, me neither.
Or stalkers.
No, that's smart.
But just so you know, I'm not really a stalker.
I mean, not a good one, anyway.
Yeah.
You got caught.
This time.
Honestly, the whole thing is a misunderstanding.
And you expect me to believe that? Well, you're playing a game where the women have watermelon boobs, but can somehow run 80 miles an hour so, I don't know what you believe.
I believe you're annoying me.
I just wanted to say that, um I really appreciate you guys letting me stay in your dad's studio.
Um, well, it wasn't my call.
My vote doesn't count.
It counts to me.
Whatever.
It's It's just weird you being in there.
It's weird for me, too.
Do you have any weed? Do you? No.
Good.
Uh You didn't answer.
I don't talk to strangers.
But I am gonna order a pizza if you are at all interested.
Only if it has meat on it.
It shall.
How is it? - Good.
- Good? Meaty? Seriously, they killed a whole herd of animals for you to have that much meat on your pizza.
- Okay.
- They taste pretty good.
- Want some of my meat? - Sure.
There's meat on yours.
You can have all my meat.
Okay.
I like it.
No wonder you couldn't sleep.
There's just so much shit in here.
Let's clear it all, okay? - Really? - Yeah.
You go ahead.
- Go ahead.
- No, go, please.
- You first.
- I'm not gonna fight you about this.
Okay.
Can I have Dad's Les Paul? All right, kiddo.
There you go.
- Thanks, Mom.
- Yeah.
Cool! - I want the gun.
- Hmm? - What gun? - Dad's gun.
Okay.
Well, it is in the safe, and I do not have the combination.
And even if I did have the combination, I would be getting rid of the gun.
Why do you want Daddy's gun? For protection, you know? I'm the man of the house now.
Oh, come on, please.
I don't know where you're getting this patriarchal shit from, but you are not the man of the house, you are a child.
I am the woman of the house and I do the protecting.
So You can have the drums.
Yes! - Did I just get played? - I'm pretty sure you did.
Wait.
I'm sorry.
There's a gun in here? Mm-hmm.
Sorry.
Shit, this is heavy.
It's so heavy! Why didn't we hire guys to do this for us? Because we're empowered women.
And I might have told you it would be cathartic for you.
Yeah.
Well, it's not.
Well, now we know.
And, you know, hiring men to do our bidding is also very empowering, so Yes.
Uh, note taken.
I appreciate you making room for me.
Yeah.
I appreciate you telling me about the storage place.
You know, I saw the nursery at Steve's house the other day.
Your house.
- Really? - Yeah.
He, uh He couldn't bear to go in there either.
He couldn't even look when I opened the door.
Well, I told you Steve's not really good at dealing with feelings.
I mean, I honestly can't blame him.
You know? Grief does some weird shit to people.
You know? What you guys went through was was intense.
Yeah.
It was.
Holy shit.
Are you all right? Oh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, you know what? This is for you.
I just thought you might want it back.
Oh, my God! Thank you.
Wow.
- Did you steal it? - No.
No, Steve said I could have it.
I mean, I would've stolen it if I had to, you know.
That's so sweet.
You know, there was something that Steve said that really, really bothered me.
What? He said you were nuts.
Oh, yeah.
It was practically my nickname.
No, but that's not okay.
Men call women nuts and crazy way too often just to undermine us.
- You know? - Yeah.
You're right.
No, I mean you shouldn't be able to call someone crazy anymore.
- No, you shouldn't.
- No, crazy should go the way of the R-word.
R-word? Don't make me say it.
- Retard - Got it, got it.
Oh, you motherfucker! What? What? What's wrong? Wait here.
What are you doing? Jen? Hey! Hey! Hey! What the fuck are you doing? Get in the car! Hey!