Deadwood s03e05 Episode Script

A Two-Headed Beast

" A Two-Headed Beast " Engine room! This is the Captain! Throw coal to the fuckin' boiler! And a hard right rudder! Hello, the galley! Fuckin' jeroboam of champagne to the bridge immediately! Uh, Mr.
T.
Uh, brief uh, idle time, uh, a harmless, uh, wilin' away I'm considering, Con, being Swearengen's decided a underling'll represent him in certain of our mutual transactions, would it be my seemly tactic to do likewise? Hmm I'd need to know my man had discipline and appetites in fuckin' harness and the like Well, what this is, Sir, uh… yesterday, I occasioned to fuck a woman after a considerable period of abstention, and that seems now to have… throwed me unawares, uh, into a fuckin' spasm of sex interest, which I… fuckin' pray will be brief Well… I believe I'll defer enlisting you in this other aspect Prudent, Sir, till I get well on the other fuckin' side Iceberg fuckin' avoided Looming fuckin' catastrophe Mr.
Tolliver and Mr.
Swearengen are… uneasy colleagues I wouldn't know, Sir That feels to me less than a full verity I don't know what that means, Mr.
Hearst That you not knowin' about any uneasiness between Tolliver and Swearengen sounds to me like a lie Yeah I guess so Better Would you want me saying my first loyalty was to you, Mr.
Hearst, to verity instead of Mr.
Swearengen? hat'd sound like a lie too, and peg me a liar in the bargain So I'll have to win you away I guess so But I oughtn't to imagine the process will be quick Guess not Good, Adams Did he coach you long? Didn't fuckin' coach me at all, Mr.
Hearst Captain Turner Go tell your friend I know he's afraid of me Dority? Big guy? I guess he looks big to you Is that what you brought me here for? You want me to take that back to Dority? I guess so Crazy nigger at the livery's in your debt Crazy nigger at the livery ought not plan on this becomin' no habit No chance of that He's bound for Oregon, Miss Lady, with the handsome nigger you're talkin' to right now, if our luck holds to the afternoon Get off your ass and start to walkin' Your friend might get to eat that warm Go ahead Put a hole in that thing I'm measuring the stroke to move you along with the rest of this shit Much obliged! Travel safe Biggest day of my Goddamn life, and I get a fuckin' spittoon spilled over my head That you already knocked on its side when you were fuckin' dozing I'm glad I did it I've enough blood and guts spilt in my Goddamn place, Steve For a lifetime, you understand?! If it takes the contents of a spittoon to make you fuckin' wash, then so fuckin' be it! What does washin' have to do with the other, Tom? Well, to put you on the fuckin' path, fuckin' respect yourself, and the fuckin' occasion, and bring no more fuckin' shame onto my place, God damn it! After I own the livery, you slanty-eyed bastards, maybe you'd like to come by and look at me then! Now get the fuck outta here! Here! Harry, what time is it? Hour's 17 minutes till 10:00 No harm in him showin' up early You've done this camp a great service, Mrs.
Ellsworth You're very kind And yet, Mr.
Merrick, in candor, witnessing the events of late in the east, oughtn't any depositor pause and consider before trusting his savings to a bank? Uh, well, I suppose that's true Which is why a bank owned locally wishing to make available funds to organize and develop our community… to build businesses and homes, and whose deposits are guaranteed by gold not two miles distant from this building in which we sit, isn't that why the depositor at the Bank of Deadwood, having considered, ought come forward in assurance and confidence Yes! Yes Have you any questions for me? I have not, Madam Not not at the present moment Well, I guess that argues for me showing Captain Cuntface how Goddamn afraid I am It wasn't aftertalk between you and Turner? Hearst was there when Turner said it, and Hearst I asked did he want it brought back to you Hearst says to me, "I guess so.
" "Guess so" don't sound like Hearst I'd said "I guess so" before I think he was making small of me What is there to consider over, Al? That sea creature Turner called me out It's Hearst calling you out I'm trying to decipher his reason Well, me seein' to Turner will not delay your Goddamn decipherin' Can you shut up now, Dan, that you fuckin' couldn't before? He hurt you, then he calls to you like a dog I had to tell him to fuck himself Even as I forbore till I could see to my fuckin' arrangements Think they'll get seen to by the snows? Ready your pen You're addressing me like a fuckin' field hand won't impede me cooperatin' Now go! That that's it, Hostetler 'Cause I keep my sense of priority on what the fuck is important I broke your fuckin' tip "Mrs.
Alma Ellsworth, serene and comely principal of the just opened Deadwood Bank, assured this reporter that depositors need fear no local echo of eastern financial panics A locally-owned bank Careful, be careful Uh, "Lending to develop businesses and build homes in the region, and backed by the underground assets of one of the strongest mining concerns in the Dakota territory, such a bank cannot help but Do you mind if we, uh, walk on more level ground, Mr.
Blazanov? Oh, no no no no I'll watch out for livestock Thank you "Such a bank cannot help but draw prudent customers in great numbers from every area of our black hills.
" Mrs.
Ellsworth, being so elevated, so sweetly radiant in spirit, I wonder if her words resonated with me at the time as being more poetic and compelling than now they seem in cold transcription And with the lady herself absent This is bad To abandon a friend like that when he's taken by drink I think this is more woeful, Mr.
Merrick We shall fetch the Sheriff, Mr.
Blazanov Leon Mr.
Tolliver That's a guilty skulkin' fuckin' look on your features, son I think by now you'd be more come to terms with your weaknesses Merciless conscience, Sir, since childhood You're buyin' drugs? I was buying drugs, yes, Sir That is the fuckin' cross my weakness has to bear And do you bear it for yourself alone, Leon, or long as you're about it, with others as well and earn the extra dollar thereby? I do not do that, Sir, no I got to wonder, son… is it you been helpin' Lila in her fall? It is not, Mr.
Tolliver Lila drops her own bucket down the well I'm telling you, Sir! Takin' a whore o' yours down, that's next to directly robbing you Fella like me that's been indisposed To show he's back in play might cut a thief's throat You're fuckin' misinterpreting it.
I I was copping for another but it wasn't fuckin' Lila I was coppin' for that cunt at the bank Their faces weren't familiar, the men who left him here His name was Pasco Does Pasco have a friend here? How do you know his name? Cornishman, talked Union Worked for Hearst Do you feel there's a significance to that? The third of those organizers's been killed You got nothin' to say to that or on any other fuckin' topic On Hearst's orders, you believe? A knife to the chest, body atop Hearst's works in the thoroughfare I withdraw from our agreement I'd ask it's very brief extension No.
No Or we're both just fuckin' cowards I ain't no fucking coward! Though Dan might support your position What's he talking about? Wait a bit, Bullock Don't go for Hearst yet You know Al I've got the briefest of other bidness See to it Yes, s-see to it, Bullock Watching us advance on your stupid teepee, Chief, knowing you had to make your move… did you not just want first to fucking understand? Huh? Your repayment of the loan we make you now, Mr.
Fields, whose proceeds purchase Mr.
Hostetler's livery, is secured by the livery deed itself to be held as collateral in the possession of the bank until the debt shall be satisfied Understood and agreed to And don't lose one second to wakefulness or worry I'll repay in a timely fashion Will you be paid in specie or currency, Mr.
Hostetler? Gold, please Thank you, Trixie I don't suppose a handshake signaling the transaction's completion is absolutely required Then I guess we don't have to do it then And if you're hoping to pass as a man before you hightail it to Oregon, you will return to me that board you made me sign Thank you so much for squiring me, these gentlemen being so obviously compelled by other responsibilities Such acid scrutiny by former boon companions We was never your fucking boon companions, E.
B Forgive me my confusing, Dan, my own deep feelings for you with what yours may have been for me I did not offer my hotel to Hearst which sale has made me outcast among you Hearst forced the transaction upon me I miss our morning coffee Yeah? Bein' no one is frequenting the main bar, Davey, what in fuck business you think you're gonna do standing behind there? Boss says I'm to attend the auxiliary bar The auxiliary bar ain't made a cunt's hair bit of business sense since it's fuckin' inception! Go on up and set the boss straight Hey, you don't want to take that smart-aleck tone, that fuckin' attitude with me, Davey You hear me? Hearst organizes violence between his man and Dority Does he? Orchestrates combat between them, mutilates me, plants that organizer's body like a flag in the fuckin' thoroughfare That last is fresh news Makes of me and Tolliver a two-headed beast to savage what might be healthy borne out of the fucking election and gnaw its own privates off-hours Plans keep coming to the cocksucker that their final sum is this: But for what brings income to him, break what he can; what he can't, set those parts against themselves to weaken Scoundrel! Hearst The why's what fucking confounds me What's in his head, I cannot fucking find in mine Don't suppose you talk to the Captain? Hails and farewells, but he never replies Or the cook? The negress and I are not intimate Alright, E.
B May I ask your plans, Al? No Only to further their achievement No All right All right Yeah Glad to have been of help Always available for counsel I dare not think what you've been through to reach us It's been a crucifixion Too painful, even the merest details Formidable, even at bay My last camp, Jack As it may be for us all, young man The place is yearning for elevation and festering with wealth Oh dear Augment of cupidity in the Iris, a healthy augury We must help them however we can Heave ho, young man, but slowly It's past me I cannot figure the fuckin' angle Go ahead and fucking fight him All right then What you want to be carryin', Dan? Nothing I would want found secreted on me, worse comes to worst Well don't say you ain't bringing your blade Naked, visible in it's fuckin' sheath and disposable before we join If he dispenses with his If it's getting to go wrong, Dan, you just drop down flat What the fuck did you just say? Drop flat if it's going wrong, and I'll blow his fucking head off You do and it'll be the last Goddamn thing you do on this fucking earth Going wrong is not the end of fucking things, Johnny Fuck no! I have come back from plenty of shit that looked like it was going wrong All right, Dan He's got the advantage of you there, don't he? That short-cropped fucking hair? Well, he's not lacking for brass "Come scare me in the thoroughfare.
" Star City, Captain, you remember the man's name? Leonard That was a fight Not how I remember …As an object lesson to every man watching For not much fight, it did not end quickly I suppose is what I'm trying to say Do you understand me? Yes, I understand Thank you, Jack I am your Jack, Chesterton, but your producer too A rigor we've always sustained To carry a performer through illness when recovery is in prospect is an indulgence one can sometimes justify But support of idleness destined for the grave, that, Chesterton, the narrow economy of our art does not permit You would have me die destitute? You will purchase your keep with that voice intrusive and incessantly opinionated no vagary of our past has yet stilled The subject? We have but one In this instance, the theater is formerly a bordello The eye lines must be all wrong In the morning, it meets with your atrabilious scrutiny Oh… I must rest Bellegarde? We proceed Costumes, Countess, will you chair? Ja Props and scenery, chair? Only if you serve as second I'm so so so so sorry Is costumes taken? Are they performing now? Quiet Civic relations I'd appoint myself… without objection? Will we continue as if all among us are well when one so plainly is not? And what committee, Bellegard, to address the old man's mortal illness would you have us fucking form? No committee Committees is the task before us No business as usual Business and tasks is what we'll have, just as you are tardy and ginger on your bum for the usual fucking reasons, despite your deep personal grief Not offered as a case for change Civic relations is me, and we'll include here a subcommittee for the renovation of the bordello Supervision of the work, subcommittee head Countess, done, with thanks Civic relations, construction, Claudia Countess is the second Hiring laborers A truth divinely writ: we make more devotees of theater engaging 20 laborers at $2 apiece than two of the same at $20 Busy busy busy Is he receiving as yet? Let me go see Tell him last fucking call Broken bones mortally interfering with organs is what I would like to rule out Doc's back, Dan Don't need the fucking Doc Come on, Dan Let him look at you He come back special You heard what the fuck I said He wants to poke around in some innards, tell him to work on the one I killed Bottle? One of the girls? There's a clamoring line to see to you Get the fuck out of here, Johnny Sure Listen for raspy fucking shallow breathing in the course of the fucking night Him going blue too, would hint to you to fucking come get me Definitely Have you ample towels? Uh, ample, thank you Enough hot water? Well, I could almost wish it cooler May I help you with your back? What? Scrubbing your back Uh, I'm out--now Thanks anyhow Does it occur to you, banging repeatedly on the fucking wall, either I'm not in which makes what you're doing stupid or being in, don't want to see you which makes you a pain in my balls!? Doubtless now nodding agreement like little boy fucking lost What? Hello You fucking work at the bank I do now Not a noble "Hello" at opening, and regal fucking look-by at the closing up of shop? I'm at the hardware store all day, Trixie I'll switch with you Bank's a Jew's proper province anyways along with the addled self-deceived Our depositors? The bank's founder and president, Chief Officer, as well, of air-headed smugness and headlong plunges unawares into the fucking abyss I-I don't understand You wouldn't You're too fucking healthy-minded You'll sit here waiting for me to materialize from a piece of fucking furniture and think the world is normal Do you want to get fucked or not? Please Your hair looks like a porcupine Forgot the brush Do you mind? Well, no no no That's… How's it now? Better Thanks very much I haven't finished Oh, go ahead then Go on Presentable? Very You're young for failing eyesight Spiny too, like a porcupine? Huh-uh I guess it'd be unmanly to fear I may faint Please don't I'll make some arrangement What do you mean? For my things and the like arrange to collect my things Will you have me… bring the little one back? I'll collect Sofia Don't forget Come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah Think this is pretty fucking funny, don't you, Hostetler? No Watch me crawl around here like a Goddamn fool, and you laughing up your fucking sleeve Hostetler don't know where the board is I'm the one hid it Oh, I believe that Definitely Assisstant fucking baboon You hid it, he don't know where and you can't remember where it is! I wasn't too drunk not to know I should hide it, but I was too drunk to keep track of where Is this it? Is this the board? Clean it the fuck off! Well, yeah.
Ha ha ha Bring it here.
Bring it in Unwrap that cocksucker! What the fuck is that supposed to be? Give him the board You think I'm a fucking moron? You think I'm a moron to fall for your fucking lies Don't you call me dishonest I'll call you that and worse You hand me that then ride off with the actual board? This is the actual board, wrapped in the cheesecloth that I stole off a horse I never knew this board was took from where I had it until I looked for it during last night, and that's when he told me that he had hid it To keep you from doing something stupid This is the board! For Christ's sake, what difference does the rest of it make? I don't know it's the actual board There's no more fucking writing on it! Shall I accept myself as satisfied, only for Hostetler once escaped to send the real fucking board back from Cheyenne while he's laughing up his lying sleeve? For Bullock to open the package and humiliate me? Or for the fucking bank woman to humiliate me with the true fucking board? Or to revoke my fucking security on my fucking loan? Or whatever your fucked-up plan is to make me a fucking cunt! I will not be called a fucking liar I didn't live my life for that Yeah, fuck you, Steve We're leaving Talk stupid to our fucking dust! Yeah? I wish you'd look in on Dan, boss Not for being poorly as… down Johnny,… some shit's best walked through alone Dan's killed people before You have too But neither've been solitary after A fair fight, something Dan and I have always struggled to avoid, is different You see the light go out of their eyes It's just you left and death So that's why Dan wants to be alone He knows where to find me Sit down If you want to What are, what are we waiting for? To see what kind of hell breaks loose Uh, Whiskey, please And leave the bottle I just saw to the remains of a friend Yes, Sir George Hearst Jack Young Jack Young Yes, Sir How do you do, Jack? How do you do? Sheriff Is he up there? Who? Is Hearst fucking up there, Farnum? I cannot say I cannot say I cannot betray the whereabouts of an owner-guest Mr.
Hearst… I regret not being out here with you before, Sir Help too stupid to wake me from my nap Not at all On down there now, Jack At least do that much right Helluva fucking day How much do you know? I heard there was a set-to in the thoroughfare Did you know it was my man killed? Was that the outcome? My man was killed, yes I'm sorry It happens It's the nature of things It don't lessen the sadness when it's a friend's The Sheriff joins us Whiskey The Sheriff recently put me on notice he is vigilant of my possible transgressions You sound drunk to me Whom are you addressing? You You sound drunk Do I? Mm-hmm When I say "Fuck yourself, Sheriff," will you put that down to drunkenness or a high estimate of your athleticism? Did you just tell me to fuck myself? I think I did and to shut up or I'll quiet you myself You're under arrest Fuck you, and shut up or I will shut you up for good Threatening a peace officer, I'm taking you into custody Don't be stupid, Bullock Don't you be fucking stupid Fuck you Johnny The Sheriff eliminates several of our options Not a fucking word comes to print Understood