Death Comes to Town (2010) s01e08 Episode Script

Dead Man Walking

Previously on Death Comes to Town Did I just tell you I'm your mom? I talked to the mayor last night and we've decided to reinstate the death penalty, so I condemn you, crim hollingsworth, to death.
What's that? Oh, something I picked up at the bowmans.
I guess I should've told you.
This is the murder weapon.
We found it! We found it! I knew Marilyn was the murderer.
Get that! Mayor bowman, any thoughts on this somber day? Well, corrinda, I have to say the excitement is just palpable.
You know, I'm seeing faces in this town that I have not seen in years.
Oh, so there's a positive side to this sad event? Oh, absolutely.
You know, I'm getting reports from the people out at the no tell motel I've never been there.
Okay.
But they're reporting the greatest number of all night bookings I'v.
No one said Sorry.
No one said you had, corrinda.
Just that it's a place for sluts and whores and I've never been there.
Yes, corrinda.
I'm just saying that today's public and profitable execution is a start of a whole new shuckton.
This is a day everyone in town can be happy about With the obvious exception of the condemned.
Last meal walking.
Oh, hey, bring 'er in.
Nice.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Ooh Last pepper? Yeah, sure.
That's good.
Put 'er down.
Okay, go.
Oh boy, looked better in the photo, eh? Life is just like that.
Prabbi, you old so and so, what are you doing here? I'm a godless Indian.
Well, I am half priest, half rabbi, but I'm also a tribal elder.
Oh.
I'm here for you, my son.
Well, prabbi, I'd like to confess.
Part of me wants to hear that.
I'm not much of an Indian, eh? Yes, I know.
You're 1/16th.
Lower.
1/32nd.
Low.
1/64th? Low.
1/28th? Low.
256? I'm not an Indian at all.
My grandfather had a pet wolf and I got carried away, I guess.
It's okay.
It's okay.
We're all the same inside.
Yeah? White people are people too, right? Yes.
Thank you, prabbi, thank you.
Time to go, crim.
Okay.
Aloha.
I guess my last meal is to go, eh? Motel manager: Please, bear us in mind for any overnight needs you may have.
'Kay.
Thanks.
Oh, sir, I understand you're leaving us today.
Yup.
Well, if you don't mind my curiosity, at the risk of killing the cat, what line of business are you in, sir? I sell soup.
Soup! Soup.
That's a great line of business to be in.
Soup's never gonna go out of style is it, sir? Whoo! Oh my gosh! Whooo! Go shuckton go! Go shuckton go! Ladies and gentlemen and transgender citizens of shuckton! Today marks a turning point for our beloved town.
I see public executions as the cornerstone of a new economic boom for our town and I am very pleased to announce that I am in negotiations with the six flags people to build an execution-themed amusement park right here in shuckton.
Shuckton! Shuckton! Shuckton! And now, as your mayor, it is my great honour to cut the ribbon with these comically oversized scissors Look at them! - And declare this execution officially Open! Huh? Ugh.
Ugh! Do it.
I've been alive so long I've learned to talk.
Please kill me.
Don't tell me how to do my job.
Oops I'm old.
Yes! Yes! I don't know how much.
Are you sure I can't help by bending your knees a bit? Here, let me take that.
You're gonna lose it before we can take it to the police.
Right, Ricky, police.
Let's go.
C'mon, Ricky.
Well, we'ljust have to go there then.
I hope we make it just in the Nick of time.
What time is it? Is he dead? Yes.
Buttonhole is am gone.
I meant crim.
Buttonhole is dead? It are for the best.
You know what I never realized? People are as fun to pet as pets.
Yes, some of us am are very soft.
You know I never saw buttonhole pass, but I have to be there for crim.
Oh? Your love for crim is very thick.
You are what? A dog? Am he a trout? Stop! Stop! Hey! Howdy.
We're going to the execution.
Which way are you headed? Well, I'm checking on some tractor parts that need checking on, so I'd be going to gimble, then roarsucks, then sturdy corners, on to blind valley What a town! O' course, I gotta give red deer a looksee, then make my way up to devil's knee, careola, sleezeback, tain, herdel, and o' course, cruds.
Hop on.
I could be convinced to go as far as the cabot trail or loch lomond Any word from my lawyer? Sorry, crim.
Oh Who's in my family and friends area? Oh, this is Uncle Sanchez and power dog.
They're from the radio station.
They want you to do a station id.
Oh.
When I'm not getting executed, I listen to 102 fm, the fox.
Thanks.
Sorry I'm late.
Brother, it's okay.
I'm just glad you're here.
Sam, oh no.
Buttonhole's gone, eh? Yes.
Ah,t to me that you came.
No, no, no.
I had to come.
What? 'Scuse me.
A text? Yeah.
My cat nurse, we just started seeing each other.
Ah, Sam.
It's all right.
I'll tell her to text back In a bit.
Oh, okay.
Hold strong, brother.
Ladies and gentlemen, the time has arrived to welcome the man of the hour He's a killa, he's a thrilla, he's a pilla of our economic recovery plan Give it up for crim! Well, folks, as you know, it is our custom here in shuckton Well, our custom as of today To allow the condemned man to select his own means of execution.
Now, crim, I understand that you've selected a rather unusual way of going out.
Yeah.
Because I'm an epileptic I've chosen death by strobe light.
And to get that strobe a strobin', we've got our own local hero: He's the Captain of the shuckn spurs, everyone, warm round of applause for Daryl isotope.
Oh, so crim, any last words? Let's do 'er to 'er.
Okay.
You heard him! Flip that switch! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Spirit bear.
I knew you'd come for me.
Are we going to that great bush party in the sky? Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop these shenanigans! You're not my spirit bear.
Stop this execution.
This man is innocent and we have the proof to prove it.
Huh? What? No! No, no, no, no! We should not be stopping, people.
We should be killing! Today is a day for killing.
Tell everybody what you just told us.
That Marilyn is the murderer! And we found the murder weapon A bloody remote - at her house.
No! That's not true.
In fact, it is a lie.
Tell them, mom.
I grabbed it from your house.
Oh really? When? I took it from Larry on the night of the murder, and then I murdered him.
Oh.
Shit! Oh dear.
Yes, I murdered Larry bowman, and I feel horrible about it.
Hmm? Why did you do it, mom? I did it to protect you, Ricky.
How did it happen? Here's how it happened.
It was the night of the murder.
Ohhh He didn't ordinarily order pizza from me, but he did on that dark night.
Pizza's here.
Porterhouse just told me the secret you'd been keeping all these years.
What secret, pray tell? That Ricky's our son.
Trust me, I'm not gonna let a mistake from my past ruin my reputation.
What does that mean? That means that fat people die all the time, and if you spill the secret, old ladies die all the time.
Now what? Aren't we done? Hey! Ow! Ow! Ow! Leave! Ricky! Alone! Help! Helphelp! Spirit bear? Help! Help! Help! I need your help hiding a body.
I killed the mayor.
I killed the mayor? I killed the mayor.
And that's how I killed Larry bowman.
Oh! Don't believe her! Come on! Like what, she killed Heather weather too? Yes, I killed Heather weather too.
Oh! And this is how I killed Heather weather.
I mean this in the nicest way, but I'm gonna blab to the whole town about that bastard baby.
Hello, this is Heather weather not reporting the weather but the news.
Heather weather! Oh, would you like an autograph? Yes, sign it with your face.
Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And then she dropped like a sack of taties.
Oh my God! Release this man! Huh? And let's fry that crazy old pizza lady! C'mon! Whoo! We're gonna fry the pizza lady! I promised you folks a killin' and a killing's what you're gonna get.
I'm corrinda gablechuck, standing backstage where, just moments ago, they fried local boy crim hollingsworth like a bacon and egg sandwich.
For the What? They didn't kill him? Okay, you know what would be nice, is if you told me the facts before I went on.
Can we do that? No.
We can't? Oh, for Sakes! All right.
Well okay, on a personal note, there is even more breaking news.
I've thought about this long and hard and even though you - the good people of shuckton Voted against it 11 to 1, I've decided to keep my baby.
Testing, testing.
You don't have to do it alone.
Testing, testing.
You don't have to do it alone.
Yes, I do.
You see, there's this thing that women have had since the mid-1970s, it's called self-worth, and I have it.
And even though it's going to be hard to raise this baby by myself, I know with the help of welfare I can do it.
I cheated death! I'm free! Oh sh Not again! I've had enough.
Oh, now what? Shit I don't care how much trouble I get in, I'm taking you out.
I've waited 30 years, you have no idea how powerful I am now.
Well, you don't know how powerful I am.
I was the Captain of the shuckton spurs.
Hit me! Ricky, Ricky, Ricky! Ricky, Ricky, Ricky! Oh, so fancy.
Grrr! Ungh! So you found out about your birth, huh? Well, here's something you didn't know.
You're supposed to be dead! I was a rookie.
I'd had a late night with a lady friend and slept in.
By the time I reached doc porterhouse's, it was too late.
Little fella's still alive.
So I blew it.
Needless to say, the higher-ups weren't too pleased! That's why I've been stuck on this shitty route for so long.
Why didn't you kill me after that? Because there's rules.
But I've been trying.
Look at your weight.
Unnnggghhh! Ricky! Ricky! Ricky! Ricky! Ricky! Ricky! Ungh! Oh Fat boy fall down.
That Ricky never does anything right.
Death! Death! Death! Death! Death! Death! Death! Death! Death! Ungh! Ahhh! Shut up! C'mon, Ricky.
Ow! Ricky! Ricky! Ricky! Unnn-unnghh! Ahhhhh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh Ahhhhh! Ricky, Ricky, Ricky! No.
I can't lose.
I am the great decider of death Me I'm responsible for all death.
For your mayor and your skanky weather girl And one day soon, all of you.
That sure sounds like a confession to me.
Hey guys, third ti's the charm.
What do you say we fry that guy? Whoooo! Kill! Kill! Kill! You can't kill me! I'm death, you moron.
Oh, right, pitchforks in 2010.
Give me a break.
Torches in broad daylight.
Arghhhhhh! Mr.
death! Mr.
death! It's me, rampop.
Remember? Mr.
death, it's rampop! What do you want? Can I come with you? No, you can't come with me.
Please? All right.
Don't move.
People.
I see people.
People.
I see people.
Thank you.
It runs on bat's piss and unleaded.
Oh yeah! Good job.
Can we get out of this hick town already? I'll say.
Hey, what's heaven like? Heaven? It's like calgary In the '60s.
Ooh.
Bye, death.
I think you're misunderstood.
Here I come, Larry.
I'll see you in heaven! What the? Larry! Oh, Larry.
What a wonderful surprise.
How come you're looking at me all faggy like?