Delicious (2016) s03e03 Episode Script

Season 3, Episode 3

1 Tell me this isn't happening.
You've taken my dream and turned it into a nightmare! The darkened area, that's the cancer you can feel.
SAM: I've slept with him too.
(LAUGHS) ELLIOT: Come and work with me.
Fulfill your potential.
GINA: Mason Elliot needs taking down a peg or two.
(ALARM BLARING) You have to talk to Mum and Sam.
I will do no such thing.
The first time you fall in love, you fall the hardest.
We're gonna be grandmothers.
I'd like to know how long I've got left.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION, SEABIRDS CRYING) LEO: Like food and sex, Sicilians take their gambling very seriously.
- (SHOUTS IN ITALIAN) - (LAUGHS) (BOTH SHOUTING IN ITALIAN) But all of life's a gamble.
For most of its life, the octopus hides in its den.
But it's got to eat.
Fishermen use coins in the bottom of their traps.
They say it brings luck.
But you only need to be unlucky once.
Just ask the octopus.
(SQUAWKS) (BOTH LAUGHING) (CELLPHONE VIBRATES) MARC: What is it? Well, the good news is my son's not dead on a mountain pass.
The bad news is he may be a complete and utter shit.
He's not the first bloke to be freaked out over becoming a dad.
How did I mess him up so badly? I think you're missing the big win here.
Which is? You've kept yourself remarkably fit for a granny.
(GASPS) (BOTH LAUGHING) Women my age are meant to be having their own babies, not grandbabies.
Is that what you want? Another child? God, no.
Why? Is that what you want? Sure.
I mean, I always wanted to be a dad one day.
I missed having a mum when I became a mother.
- But you'd have me.
- You'd have us.
Of course, it's completely your decision.
Is it? That's nice.
Because you've got your whole life ahead of you, to work out who you want to be, what you want to do.
Yeah, we just want you to know that we support you whatever you decide.
So you keep saying, and yet you don't support my decision to not talk about it.
Listen, we can talk about lots of other things.
Or nothing.
You have to forgive your mother.
She can't help getting carried away.
Yeah, like you haven't thought about squeezing those chubby little thighs.
- Their fat little hands.
- Yeah, or the cheeks.
Oh, the cheeks.
Oh! Don't worry about being so late, dear.
There's nothing I enjoy more than watching my life ebb slowly away with nothing but tedium for company.
When are you gonna tell them? I came clean.
Now it's your turn.
You told them you were pregnant.
How are you enjoying the fussing and the clucking and the interminable bowls of pasta? What is it with this family? All we do is lie.
I haven't lied.
Not telling the truth is the same as lying.
I thought I could count on you not to argue semantics.
Miss Gina Benelli? Yes? The nerve of that.
He steals Adam and thinks he can buy your affection with this shrub.
Oh, I think it's an olive tree.
Nobody asked you.
Thank you, Mr.
- Let's go and eat.
- Oh, where are we going? To show Mason Elliot that we will not be intimidated.
So how are we playing this? You cause a distraction whilst I come at him swinging a sock full of coins? Follow my lead.
And to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure? We were thinking a ménage à trois.
If you think you can handle it.
- Really? - Of course not.
I'd rather have my brains ripped out of my nostrils with a meat hook.
We've come to see how your new chef is faring.
And, uh, when I turn my back, will I find you calling in a bomb threat or throwing eggs at my windows? We're flattered you think we're so imaginative, but really we've come for the food.
I think you'll be impressed.
We're going to drink our drinks, eat this food, and show that none of this bothers us, not one bit.
Wow, Sam.
You'll really have him over a barrel.
The best revenge is living well.
Don't talk to a Sicilian about revenge.
So, what, we should commit a murder? Well, maybe not an actual murder, but what's wrong with a small "accidental" fire? Gina and Sam are in.
You are better than they ever let you believe.
You have nothing to prove.
- God, this is terrible.
- I know.
They're possibly the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.
What did I tell you? Stunning, right? He overdid the reduction.
(BURPS) Did you just? I didn't even know you were capable of burping.
(BURPS) These mussels aren't from around here, are they? Mangan's.
They're the best local supplier.
SAM: But only this morning they announced a sewage contamination at Fulcombe Beach.
(CHUCKLING) She's joking, right? You've met Sam.
Does she strike you as a natural prankster? But a full-blown contamination Is unlikely.
Couldn't happen three times in a year, could it? Excuse me, I'm just I'm not 100% satisfied these are fragrant as they should be.
Smells fine to me.
Well, who wants fine when you can have exceptional? Rhiannon.
Smile, stay calm, and get the mussels off the tables.
- Why? - Keep smiling.
There's nothing to see here.
Just a slight sewage issue.
We've just served over 40 bowls.
Mason! (CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me.
With the main course you've ordered, I think the gazpacho Apologies.
I'm just gonna take this.
Put them down.
I'll just get some more menus for you.
- Put it back! - But they're full of sewage.
(PEOPLE GASPING) ELLIOT: There's nothing to worry about, folks.
Just a slight menu change.
How about a glass of champagne on the house? No.
Come back.
Mmm! Sicilian enough for you? Why are you here? Oh, don't tell me they've shut you down already.
Health and safety? Adam is family.
Mimi, what is it? Right.
I've never been one to sugarcoat.
I have a malignant tumor in my left breast.
The doctor recommends surgery and a course of chemotherapy, but that doesn't suit me at all.
So I'm letting the tumor do what it will, but I would like to have a funeral while I'm still alive enough to enjoy it.
What do you mean? Like a Like a death party? Oh, no.
I prefer the term "fake wake.
" Well, I mean, what is the point of everyone saying I'm wonderful if I'm not around to bask in their admiration? No more lies.
Happy now? When she doesn't sugarcoat, she really doesn't sugarcoat.
You knew? I asked you if she was okay, and you said It wasn't my secret to tell.
Ohh, it's the intervention.
You didn't expect us to just accept your death sentence, did you? Well, if you mean did I expect my family to respect my wishes, no, of course not.
SAM: It's completely understandable that you'd rather bury your head in the sand than face this.
It's scary.
We're all scared.
But you're not alone.
You're not gonna talk about God, are you? We've been researching what to do to combat the side effects of chemo.
And there's some really promising research that by increasing your consumption of antioxidants Oh, Sam, dear, and Teresa, my love, I'm old.
I'm not gonna spend whatever time I have left bald and vomiting, subsisting on a diet of wild blueberries and manuka honey.
But if it means you live Think of life as a party that you want to leave before some drunken boor leers at you and explains that he and his wife have a special arrangement.
I want to leave this party dancing on the tables.
Now, if you don't mind, I have some things to attend to, and my timeline is somewhat pressed.
If you'll only give me time All the heartache that he left I used to pretend there was a secret microfilm stashed inside those birds.
You're a natural storyteller.
You could hold a room spinning pure bollocks.
(CHUCKLES) If I hadn't been so proud, I might've been a better mother and warned you that people get hurt that way.
I did learn that lesson.
A little late, perhaps.
Did I disappoint you? You've been a liar a serial cheat, and the arrogant, self-centered bastard that everybody says.
But I absolutely adored you.
It's a mother's prerogative.
You know they need you.
I'm tired of being so needed.
You're the first person I ever loved.
I don't know this world without you in it.
TERESA: Do I score the jewels? As long as I live Uh Uh, n-no, no.
You have these and my record collection.
I'd rather have you.
Strange how it goes, isn't it? You're contemplating bringing a life into this world, and and I'm preparing to take one out.
Part of me thinks I could actually do it.
Be a mum.
Love someone so completely that But maybe I'm too selfish.
The question isn't, "Will I be a good mother?" Because I can answer that right now sometimes yes, sometimes no.
So, what is the question? Do you want this child in your life? I'll be yours for as long as I - Morning.
- Morning.
SAM: The trick is to delay payment for as long as you think they'll tolerate it before setting the debt collectors on you.
And when the creditors turn up at our door baying for blood, what do we do then? Smile and lie through your teeth.
When it comes to lying, I've been trained by none other than the grand high master herself.
Cut your mum some slack.
It doesn't matter how hard a mother tries, whatever you do, it's wrong.
You don't really believe that, do you? I never really knew how to do any of it being a mum, a wife.
I just kept pretending I did and hoping one day I wouldn't feel like such an imposter.
That's not true.
Really, I wish I could be more like you.
Confident, capable, none of the Benelli crazy.
Now, I did tell you light on the tarragon.
So you need to bin this and start again.
- Gina, about our bookings - Right, everybody, listen up.
Nine minutes to service.
I want everything on this new menu to be on point.
- Yes, Chef.
- Yes, Chef.
Gina, please stop.
Listen No, actually, it's you who needs to listen.
Just to clarify, I run the kitchen, you run front of house, and Teresa is my daughter.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about you being one of those penguin mothers who comes back from the ocean only to find her own chick missing, so decides to steal someone else's.
You're being completely irrational.
Did she tell you what she's planning to do with the baby? If she had confided in me, I wouldn't betray her confidence.
Gina, wait.
You're not listening.
Gina! Where is everyone? That's what I've been trying to tell you.
I hate crowds.
So I had every table booked.
Under different names, of course.
- This is your fault.
- Mine? You goaded me into that stupid performance at Mason's, and now it's cost us a night's business.
Congratulations! Where are you going? I'm clear that I run front of house.
An empty house means I'm done for the night.
You two cleared my restaurant and wreaked havoc.
- I just cleared your restaurant.
- Get out.
Oh, come on, Gina.
You ruin my day, I ruin yours.
This isn't a game! Since when? This is my life.
I'm not playing! I thought you liked this.
Well, not anymore.
So get out.
Get out! (WATER RUNS) MARC: Oh.
Oh, fuck! Oh.
(CHUCKLES) Sorry, Sammy, I mean, it would be easier if I could borrow a drawer, hang up a couple of shirts.
Um, sorry.
I didn't mean to look so Like I just asked for one of your organs? It's just we've only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, and this all feels so Whoa, whoa.
It's just one small drawer.
Two hangers.
Three if you're feeling generous.
I'm not gonna push my luck.
Look, maybe me being here is a bit too, um - I didn't say that.
- No, but it is "too" Look, it's fine.
I'll move out, you deal with your life, and we can pick this up when you can.
I don't want you to go.
Two whole hangers.
Nobody's gonna mistake that for a marriage proposal.
Why are you watching me sleep, you psycho? (CHUCKLES) This was yours.
So small.
You know, if you have this baby, it'll be the hardest thing you ever do, and the job never stops.
But your heart sings every time they smile.
And it breaks when they're hurt.
I don't know if it's fair to make me anyone's mum.
You just know they're gonna be a little weirdo with frequently recurring head lice.
Hey, don't do that put yourself down with jokes.
I'm only just starting to realize that there's nothing that you can't do.
- Mum? - Mm? It's not Michael's baby.
What do you mean? Well, who's the father, then? Mum, don't.
Okay, okay, okay.
You can tell me later.
It's fine, it's fine.
Sam's gonna hate me.
It'll destroy everything.
Well, we don't have to tell her? She will find out.
We can't keep it a secret.
Look, you are doing better than ever.
And I'm not letting anything, not even the truth, undermine that.
Where's my pumpkin and amaretto sauce, Teresa? - TERESA: Yeah, nearly there.
- Give those a good shake.
Something's burning.
MARC: It's not me.
Sam, something's burning.
Oh, shit.
Shit, shit, shit! It's the pork! - Shit! - MARC: Whoa, whoa! Okay, don't panic! I've got this! No, Marc, no! Oh.
Sorry, I SAM: You idiot! Maybe that's why it's best to be a corpse at your own wake.
You can't be disappointed by the catering.
Hitch up your horses.
Or bridle them, or whatever it is you do to horses.
We need a cavalry.
- SAM: Gina.
- Hmm? - You called Adam? - Mum, please.
ELLIOT: I know you'd rather remove my spleen with a blunt butter knife, but I beg you, listen.
Shouldn't you be serving up poncey sea foam in your own restaurant? Rhiannon has that in hand.
I-I know you don't need anyone, but for once, let me help you.
MIMI: Oh, thank goodness you're here! It's like we're marching into the Battle of the Somme but instead of guns, we've got soggy runner beans.
Teresa, could you just find me that blunt butter knife? - Gina, we need the help.
- Over my dead body.
Gina, it's not every day I get to cater my grandmother's wake.
So please, let me be part of this.
Come on.
When's the last time you cheffed in a commercial kitchen? If you chop off your finger, I'll shove it up your ass.
And not in a lovely way.
Oh, darling! Fossil, how good of you to come! You decrepit hag, you look glorious! It's bloody unfair.
It's been a lifetime.
Several! Oh, Lillian, this is Janice, who's my doctor, whose medical advice I'm ignoring.
You're not dead yet.
With surgery and chemo Oh, look, no shop at parties.
It's very boring.
I'll leave you.
You're so brave, Mimi.
If I'd been given a cancer diagnosis, I wouldn't be throwing a party.
I'd be under a duvet regretting everything I've ever done or didn't do.
Do you want the truth? I'm absolutely terrified.
It's not too late to give cancer a good kick in the bum.
It's not too late for you either.
Gertrude's here.
Oh, look! (APPLAUSE) It's beautiful.
Can I be honest? I have no idea, Mason.
Can you? The only thing Adam really wants is your approval.
So give him your blessing.
- Please.
- If you'll excuse me.
For the avoidance of all doubt, I think you're a pig.
A conniving, lying vulture, and I will never forgive you.
Very little ambiguity there.
But this means a lot to Mimi.
So thank you for helping to make this happen.
You're welcome.
You know, Gina may bring the punters in, but you're the one who keeps the sky from falling.
I always blamed other people for why I underachieved.
Leo's ambitions were more important.
Then Michael needed me.
Truth is, I let everyone else come first.
To being brave enough to let no one stand in your way.
Never again.
You sound very focused.
I am.
For the first time ever, actually.
Hope I'm not distracting you.
I never said that.
What's going on with us, Sammy? - What are you talking about? - No, no, we're not doing that.
We're not gonna pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.
(SIGHS) Maybe we should just be friends.
- Then when I can do more - No.
- I beg your pardon? - I've got a lot of friends.
You're either in this or you're not.
You waltzed into my life like a minute ago.
Leo's only been dead for two years.
You can't put your life on hold until things are more convenient.
Life is taking risks.
You have to take a punt.
Okay, then, maybe I don't want to.
Not again.
Not now.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
You should go home.
I just cannot figure you out.
You're actively working to destroy me That's the pot calling the kettle black.
and then you go and save the day.
Not that I needed any saving.
It's like you're villain, hero.
How do you decide which role to play? Is it Russian roulette? Adam told me he'd quit if I didn't let him help you.
Though I didn't need much convincing.
He told me what your family's been going through.
I had no idea, Gina.
Well, it's not really your You should've told me.
I'd have never pulled that stunt with the bookings.
I lost my wife to cancer.
I know what it's like to lose someone you love.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I'm sorry.
There's a lot we still don't know about each other.
Thank you.
You're a selfish, entitled upstart.
But you are very talented.
You're right, I am.
But I learned from the best.
Please look after our guests.
MIMI: Sam! Champagne should be savored.
It's hard liquor that you slam.
Ah, give me two shots of my usual, please.
Oh, God, Mimi, no, I There.
That's actually remarkably good.
Why do we even bother with tonic? Oh, I rarely do, dear.
So those tumblers that I see you with, they're all just gin? Occasionally there's a squeeze of lime.
I'm not an animal! Um Oh, Mimi, no.
No, I couldn't possibly It would make me tremendously happy to see these around the neck of my daughter.
Were you considering a swim? More like a drowning.
Oh, dear.
It's that bad, is it? Um, sorry, who are you? The woman saving you from self-pity.
Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I kind of want to be alone.
No, you don't.
No one really wants to be alone.
That's a bit presumptuous.
I'm not wrong, though, am I? Oh! You're nearly out of whiskey.
GERTRUDE: How's Peter? Increasingly racist, so my daughters tell me.
Oh, we're divorced.
Almost 20 years ago.
And you? Married, or I never married.
- I'm sorry.
- Well, don't be.
Falling in love is luck, I suppose, and I've been lucky in other ways.
My health.
Travel and Old friends.
Truth is, I've never been happier than I am now.
Blessing of age.
I just don't care what people think the way I used to.
You were always a rebel.
I wish that were true.
Things are so different, aren't they? Do you ever wonder what our lives would be like if we were young now? - We could - It's, um It's a million years ago.
Water under the bridge surely.
It belonged to your grandfather.
Thank you.
(EXHALES SLOWLY) When you lose someone, you never stop feeling their absence.
You just have to go on with so much less than you had.
Um I've never been very good at the whole "friends" thing.
Um, but with Mimi, it's easy.
And because she is so incredible the fact that she loves me makes me like myself more.
So Mimi was aiming her shotgun at this bloke, and he was yelling loudly that this was a load of fuss over a stupid fox, and that she wasn't going to shoot at him.
And then she pulled the trigger.
(PEOPLE GASP) And cool as a cucumber, she said, "Next time, I won't miss.
" (LAUGHTER) I know a lot of strong women.
Bit of a family hazard.
But you're the most formidable.
And from the moment you welcomed me I knew I was home.
SAM: I've never been close to my own mother, and I was always jealous of other girls who were.
It only just occurred to me, that for so many years, I've been the one that other people are jealous of.
Because I have had that.
Because you are my mum.
Oh! Oh, so many people here that I haven't seen for years.
My goodness, you got old.
(LAUGHTER) But we're still here.
And you can't get to my age without losing people.
Friends and my husband and my son.
Some people you love so much that even if they died at 100 years old it would be too soon, but the compensation is that, in some ways, I can feel them still with me in all of you.
My whole life is in this garden.
And as lives go, it's been pretty wonderful.
(VOICE BREAKING) I am so very grateful.
To Mimi.
- To Mimi.
- To Mimi.
To Mimi.
(GLASSES CLINKING) (APPLAUSE) Oh! Ho ho! What a week.
Like being continually smacked in the face by an octopus.
That's a grotesque image, but actually that's exactly how it feels.
Where's Marc? That's another tentacle right between the eyes.
I just broke up with him.
Why? He wants more than sex and dinner.
He wants everything.
All of it.
But you really like him, Sam.
You practically light up like a Christmas tree when he's around.
Don't lose him.
Good men pochissimi very, very few.
A good gambler knows when to bid and when to fold.
A really good gambler doesn't read his cards but the other players around the table.
Sometimes in life you just need to show your hand.
I like you.
I really like you.
This sex and rivalry thing, it's fun, but it has a shelf life.
I want more.
Well, what more could I don't need an answer now.
Well, you haven't asked a question.
I'm a difficult man, I know.
Uncompromising, obsessive, selfish.
Maybe don't lead with that in your dating profile.
But with you With you I want to better myself.
Okay? (KNOCK ON DOOR) I lied when I said it's in the past It's not.
I think about you all the time.
I thought that staying with Peter was the right thing to do.
But the truth is, I was a coward.
What would everyone say? My children.
My mother.
And we've wasted over 40 years.
I do enjoy a good party.
Any excuse for copious drinking.
In fact I enjoyed it so much that I'm not sure I want it to be my last.
(GASPING) Oh, thank God! Oh, I'm so happy! Oh, I'm delighted that I've raised your spirits, Sam, but as I'm really going to try and live, I don't think you should kill me with love.
(LAUGHS) Oh! I'll be needing these a while yet.
Turn 'round.
(LAUGHS) The biggest gamble of all is telling the truth.
There's nowhere to hide with the truth.
That's why they call it naked.
- Champagne? - Yes! Why not? Preferring an easy lie to the cold, hard glare of truth, that's just human nature.
Sam, I have to tell GINA: No, Teresa, don't.
She's happy.
It's just Teresa's worried that, oh, having one too many especially you.
What? Since when? I'm not the one who's pregnant.
No, but you are one glass away from telling me that you love me and suggesting karaoke.
Nobody wants to watch you murdering "Livin' on a Prayer" again.
(LAUGHING) Even when you know you'll be found out, if you can buy yourself an hour, a week, a year, you'll lie your ass off.
But the truth is always there, just waiting to take you down.
Well, you clearly all think I'm about to die.
Otherwise, why the last supper? You think this is a relationship? Well, isn't it? I always hoped I'd die in my own bed, not in some damned establishment.
- It isn't Michael's.
- Has Gina known all along? Fucking Benellis.
I want out of the Penrose, away from here altogether.
Teresa's just called.
They think Mimi's had a stroke.