Die Hart (2020) s03e03 Episode Script
The Fisher King
[CAMERA SNAPS]
Watch where you're walking.
This is a crime scene.
Stop touching that. Jesus.
It could be evidence.
All right, everyone, listen up. My
name is Special Agent John Fisher.
I'll be taking over this
investigation. Somebody call dispatch.
Tell them to set up roadblocks
in a five-mile radius.
- Now. Let's go.
- Sorry, pal, this is my jurisdiction.
You're relieved of your
duty. Go find a new hobby.
Hey, kid, I'm in charge here.
You got an issue, fill
out a comment card.
You wanna bitch about
it? Call your wife.
Feeling lonely? Go fuck yourself.
- You can't talk to me like that.
- Yeah, actually, I can.
Quit tainting my crime
scene with your incompetence
and let me do my fucking job.
Walk.
- You got a time of death?
- Approximately 8:15.
I spotted three cameras
on my walk up the drive.
I bet dollars to donuts that
there's more inside this house.
Who's got the footage?
I said who's got the footage?
Me. Me. Hi, Officer Torres.
Um, looks like it's all
been recorded in the study.
Show me.
KEVIN: I'm telling you,
I didn't do nothing.
Then why were you running and screaming?
What're you talking about? Wasn't
nobody running and screaming.
Why did you just throw your phone away?
Because of satellites.
I don't want them to
triangulate my signal and get me.
Wait, what?
Look, what I'm about to tell
you is gonna sound crazy,
and you need to ignore the crazy.
- Listen to the sound.
- Kevin, just get on with it.
Separate it. I went over to
Jackson Pepper's house, right?
Wait, wait, wait. That
was Jackson Pepper's house?
Yes, it was Jackson Pepper's house.
Okay, so Jackson had
me come to his own house
and pick up a fugitive on the run,
and then you came out Kevin
Kevin, what did you do?
- Nothing.
- Kevin.
- I didn't do nothing.
- Kevin Darnell Hart.
I'll tell you what I
definitely didn't do.
I didn't murder Jackson Pepper.
That wasn't me. So you can cancel
that from your thought case.
- Shit!
- Is okay, is
Is Jackson Pepper dead?
- He's dead, Jordan.
- What do you mean he's dead?
Okay, I go over his house.
I want to tell him I'm a big
fan. I love his movies, right?
He bring out this hot ass lasagna,
like, some fucking boiling hot lasagna.
I don't know what kind
of microwave he got,
but this shit was way
too hot, so we sit there,
waiting for it to cool down, but
then he's, like, strangling me,
- on some kinky shit
- Kevin, this is not funny.
I'm not playing, okay?
He told me to strangle him,
but that's not how he died.
I want to make that very clear.
He died from the Venetian Fauchard.
Who's the Venetian Fauchard?
Are you fuck!
- Are you listening to me?
- I'm listening.
Well, then you would know
that that's not a person!
The Venetian Fauchard is
like a fucking harpoon!
- How would I know that?
- And the motherfucker fell on it!
Shit came out his guts.
Oh, my God. I saw his
intestines and shit.
- I got nauseous, I start farting!
- Oh, my God.
My gas, his gas, the
whole room starts stinking!
I said I gotta get the fuck outta here.
Then you pull up, right? You pull up
Why the fuck were you there?
Huh? Why were you there?
And whose car is this?
I I was I mean,
I have been, for two years nearly,
researching a role for
Jackson's next film, okay?
[SIGHING]
You doing auditions?
Yes I mean, yes.
And he told me to come there.
I was supposed to be there. I'm
supposed to be your getaway driver.
Shit.
Shit.
[SIREN HONKING]
What do we do? What do we do?
Fuck. You gotta get us out of here.
- How?
- What do you mean, how?
You the getaway driver.
It's fine. It's fine. Be cool. Be cool.
[SNORING]
- Why are you sleeping?!
- This way, if something happens,
it looks like I had
nothing to do with it.
- [SNORING]
- What are you, a fucking possum?
Been a long time since I've seen
anyone back up to physical tapes.
My abuelo still uses the palm pilot.
I think old people fear the cloud.
My foster dad used to have a Betamax.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop,
stop, stop. Pause right there.
Is that Kevin Hart?
OFFICER TORRES: The action star?
I think it is.
Jackson Pepper is the most celebrated
filmmaker of our generation.
He makes serious dramas.
What business would
Kevin Hart have with him?
Is there audio?
What no, sir. Just a video feed.
Okay.
Next time they're on camera is
here, the trophy room.
Gotcha.
Some sort of disagreement
started right here at the
table over the fettuccine.
I think that's lasagna, sir.
It was microwaved too long in
order to fully melt the cheese.
Wow.
Things got tense. Words were said
promises were broken.
Pepper exited the table,
Kevin chased after to here.
- Kevin demands something.
- Mm-hmm?
A big, splashy,
award-winning role, perhaps.
Pepper laughs in his face. [LAUGHING]
Kevin can't fucking take it,
- so he chokes him.
- [GROWLING]
All right, and then
they struggle over here.
And then around over here
and then it crescendoed, slamming
him into the bookcase over here.
Finally, all the way
over to this spot here,
where a rage-filled
Kevin lunged at Pepper
[GROANING]
sending him flying
onto the Venetian Fauchard.
Wow.
That is impressive work.
Also very cool that you
knew the name of that spear.
It's my job.
Agent Fisher, we've got clean prints
off three of the weapons in this room
and also one of the award statues.
Get everything processed
as soon as possible.
He said as soon as possible.
Let's move. [CLAPPING HANDS]
We got work to do.
JORDAN: Maybe you don't have to run.
You didn't kill him on purpose.
- It was an accident.
- What did you just say?
I didn't kill him, period.
- Don't even say that.
- Okay.
Okay? It was not me. It
was the Venetian Fauchard.
Please stop saying that term.
God, I should have known something
fucked up was gonna happen
the minute I was in there
sniffing Dustin Hoffman ass
cloth, he had a towel
Shut up. Just shut up. I
mean, we could go to the cops
and just explain that
it was an accident.
Or we could not.
That's the stupidest
idea that I've ever heard.
Then maybe they'll take us seriously
because, you know, we're, like,
high-level celebrities.
First of all, we're not.
Second of all, I want you to name
one Black man that was a celebrity
that ever got off with a crime.
- OJ.
- Wow, that was fast.
- Now, you had that one right in the tank.
- It was a highly-publicized case.
Yeah wait a minute, are you
are you comparing me to fucking OJ?
Oh, my God, this might as
well be a fucking Bronco.
Okay? No, what I'm saying
is, from what I can see,
we are running from the cops, and
by their logic, that makes us guilty.
I mean, it just feels
like the right thing to do.
- What if we just go to them first?
- No
I don't know what the fuck to do.
- I'll tell you what the fuck
- Aah!
- What are you What are you doing?
- No!
Get your hands off the wheel!
What are you hey!
No!
[SCREAMS]
What did we just hit?
I think I think it was a deer.
Yeah, yes, it was a deer.
You should go check that out.
You should go check it out.
Wait, stop there.
- Holy shit.
- [SNIFFS]
That's Jordan King.
That is Jordan King.
And that was her at
the fucking bus station.
I knew it. I knew it in my gut.
Grab the plates from that Mercedes.
It's not a touch screen.
- All right, we gotta put out an APB.
- We gotta put out an APB.
I'm looking for Kevin
Hart and Jordan King,
a murderer and his accomplice.
Suspects likely armed and dangerous.
Suspects likely armed and dangerous.
My guy.
[EERIE MUSIC]
I mean, we saw "Bambi"
and that was sad, right?
And we know how that
how that whole situation ends.
I mean, that's just life.
At the end of the day,
putting roads and stuff
in their natural habitat
I personally feel like the deer
is like an overpopulation situation.
So we could just be
assisting Mother Nature,
right, in balancing out the
ecosystem, when you think about it.
Um, Kevin
what if
what if we didn't hit a deer?
["DIE HART (GO HARD)"
BY KAM KALLOWAY PLAYING]
Watch where you're walking.
This is a crime scene.
Stop touching that. Jesus.
It could be evidence.
All right, everyone, listen up. My
name is Special Agent John Fisher.
I'll be taking over this
investigation. Somebody call dispatch.
Tell them to set up roadblocks
in a five-mile radius.
- Now. Let's go.
- Sorry, pal, this is my jurisdiction.
You're relieved of your
duty. Go find a new hobby.
Hey, kid, I'm in charge here.
You got an issue, fill
out a comment card.
You wanna bitch about
it? Call your wife.
Feeling lonely? Go fuck yourself.
- You can't talk to me like that.
- Yeah, actually, I can.
Quit tainting my crime
scene with your incompetence
and let me do my fucking job.
Walk.
- You got a time of death?
- Approximately 8:15.
I spotted three cameras
on my walk up the drive.
I bet dollars to donuts that
there's more inside this house.
Who's got the footage?
I said who's got the footage?
Me. Me. Hi, Officer Torres.
Um, looks like it's all
been recorded in the study.
Show me.
KEVIN: I'm telling you,
I didn't do nothing.
Then why were you running and screaming?
What're you talking about? Wasn't
nobody running and screaming.
Why did you just throw your phone away?
Because of satellites.
I don't want them to
triangulate my signal and get me.
Wait, what?
Look, what I'm about to tell
you is gonna sound crazy,
and you need to ignore the crazy.
- Listen to the sound.
- Kevin, just get on with it.
Separate it. I went over to
Jackson Pepper's house, right?
Wait, wait, wait. That
was Jackson Pepper's house?
Yes, it was Jackson Pepper's house.
Okay, so Jackson had
me come to his own house
and pick up a fugitive on the run,
and then you came out Kevin
Kevin, what did you do?
- Nothing.
- Kevin.
- I didn't do nothing.
- Kevin Darnell Hart.
I'll tell you what I
definitely didn't do.
I didn't murder Jackson Pepper.
That wasn't me. So you can cancel
that from your thought case.
- Shit!
- Is okay, is
Is Jackson Pepper dead?
- He's dead, Jordan.
- What do you mean he's dead?
Okay, I go over his house.
I want to tell him I'm a big
fan. I love his movies, right?
He bring out this hot ass lasagna,
like, some fucking boiling hot lasagna.
I don't know what kind
of microwave he got,
but this shit was way
too hot, so we sit there,
waiting for it to cool down, but
then he's, like, strangling me,
- on some kinky shit
- Kevin, this is not funny.
I'm not playing, okay?
He told me to strangle him,
but that's not how he died.
I want to make that very clear.
He died from the Venetian Fauchard.
Who's the Venetian Fauchard?
Are you fuck!
- Are you listening to me?
- I'm listening.
Well, then you would know
that that's not a person!
The Venetian Fauchard is
like a fucking harpoon!
- How would I know that?
- And the motherfucker fell on it!
Shit came out his guts.
Oh, my God. I saw his
intestines and shit.
- I got nauseous, I start farting!
- Oh, my God.
My gas, his gas, the
whole room starts stinking!
I said I gotta get the fuck outta here.
Then you pull up, right? You pull up
Why the fuck were you there?
Huh? Why were you there?
And whose car is this?
I I was I mean,
I have been, for two years nearly,
researching a role for
Jackson's next film, okay?
[SIGHING]
You doing auditions?
Yes I mean, yes.
And he told me to come there.
I was supposed to be there. I'm
supposed to be your getaway driver.
Shit.
Shit.
[SIREN HONKING]
What do we do? What do we do?
Fuck. You gotta get us out of here.
- How?
- What do you mean, how?
You the getaway driver.
It's fine. It's fine. Be cool. Be cool.
[SNORING]
- Why are you sleeping?!
- This way, if something happens,
it looks like I had
nothing to do with it.
- [SNORING]
- What are you, a fucking possum?
Been a long time since I've seen
anyone back up to physical tapes.
My abuelo still uses the palm pilot.
I think old people fear the cloud.
My foster dad used to have a Betamax.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop,
stop, stop. Pause right there.
Is that Kevin Hart?
OFFICER TORRES: The action star?
I think it is.
Jackson Pepper is the most celebrated
filmmaker of our generation.
He makes serious dramas.
What business would
Kevin Hart have with him?
Is there audio?
What no, sir. Just a video feed.
Okay.
Next time they're on camera is
here, the trophy room.
Gotcha.
Some sort of disagreement
started right here at the
table over the fettuccine.
I think that's lasagna, sir.
It was microwaved too long in
order to fully melt the cheese.
Wow.
Things got tense. Words were said
promises were broken.
Pepper exited the table,
Kevin chased after to here.
- Kevin demands something.
- Mm-hmm?
A big, splashy,
award-winning role, perhaps.
Pepper laughs in his face. [LAUGHING]
Kevin can't fucking take it,
- so he chokes him.
- [GROWLING]
All right, and then
they struggle over here.
And then around over here
and then it crescendoed, slamming
him into the bookcase over here.
Finally, all the way
over to this spot here,
where a rage-filled
Kevin lunged at Pepper
[GROANING]
sending him flying
onto the Venetian Fauchard.
Wow.
That is impressive work.
Also very cool that you
knew the name of that spear.
It's my job.
Agent Fisher, we've got clean prints
off three of the weapons in this room
and also one of the award statues.
Get everything processed
as soon as possible.
He said as soon as possible.
Let's move. [CLAPPING HANDS]
We got work to do.
JORDAN: Maybe you don't have to run.
You didn't kill him on purpose.
- It was an accident.
- What did you just say?
I didn't kill him, period.
- Don't even say that.
- Okay.
Okay? It was not me. It
was the Venetian Fauchard.
Please stop saying that term.
God, I should have known something
fucked up was gonna happen
the minute I was in there
sniffing Dustin Hoffman ass
cloth, he had a towel
Shut up. Just shut up. I
mean, we could go to the cops
and just explain that
it was an accident.
Or we could not.
That's the stupidest
idea that I've ever heard.
Then maybe they'll take us seriously
because, you know, we're, like,
high-level celebrities.
First of all, we're not.
Second of all, I want you to name
one Black man that was a celebrity
that ever got off with a crime.
- OJ.
- Wow, that was fast.
- Now, you had that one right in the tank.
- It was a highly-publicized case.
Yeah wait a minute, are you
are you comparing me to fucking OJ?
Oh, my God, this might as
well be a fucking Bronco.
Okay? No, what I'm saying
is, from what I can see,
we are running from the cops, and
by their logic, that makes us guilty.
I mean, it just feels
like the right thing to do.
- What if we just go to them first?
- No
I don't know what the fuck to do.
- I'll tell you what the fuck
- Aah!
- What are you What are you doing?
- No!
Get your hands off the wheel!
What are you hey!
No!
[SCREAMS]
What did we just hit?
I think I think it was a deer.
Yeah, yes, it was a deer.
You should go check that out.
You should go check it out.
Wait, stop there.
- Holy shit.
- [SNIFFS]
That's Jordan King.
That is Jordan King.
And that was her at
the fucking bus station.
I knew it. I knew it in my gut.
Grab the plates from that Mercedes.
It's not a touch screen.
- All right, we gotta put out an APB.
- We gotta put out an APB.
I'm looking for Kevin
Hart and Jordan King,
a murderer and his accomplice.
Suspects likely armed and dangerous.
Suspects likely armed and dangerous.
My guy.
[EERIE MUSIC]
I mean, we saw "Bambi"
and that was sad, right?
And we know how that
how that whole situation ends.
I mean, that's just life.
At the end of the day,
putting roads and stuff
in their natural habitat
I personally feel like the deer
is like an overpopulation situation.
So we could just be
assisting Mother Nature,
right, in balancing out the
ecosystem, when you think about it.
Um, Kevin
what if
what if we didn't hit a deer?
["DIE HART (GO HARD)"
BY KAM KALLOWAY PLAYING]