Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016) s01e07 Episode Script
Weaponized Soul
1 Previously On Dirk Gentlys Holistic Detective Agency.
Tod saw Todd.
There was a dog in the girl and a girl in the dog.
- Are you Lidya Spring.
- [Barks.]
Crazy bad guys.
A kitten-shark.
Lots of machines, one of wich may be Edgard's Spring Unlimited Energy Device.
Todd confessed to Amanda.
I never had pararibulitis.
But that went badly for him.
You are exactly, the piece of shit that work that you are.
Todd was captured.
- Farrah was captured.
- You're gonna come with me.
And I was captured.
This is getting really complicated.
What is going on? But don't worry Edgard Spring, Zachariah Webb, Patrick Spring.
I solved the case.
This no count as a magic, Todd we are going to fix, everything.
- What's next? - Everything is connected.
[.]
Can't believe that actually worked.
What? What happened? Are we Wh-Where are we? Are we still here? For the moment, yes.
But at the moment? No.
We're in the past.
If I'm correct, one week in the past.
The Unlimited Energy Device is a time machine? - Did-did you know that - Kind of a hunch, really.
But the good news is [Rimmer approaching, muffled yelling.]
Never mind, there's no good news.
Hide.
[banging and battering on door.]
All right, get the machine.
Plug it in.
Put the dog there.
We're switching her into the dog, and the dog into her.
- [muffled screams of protest.]
- Tie her in.
- [whispering.]
- That's Lydia! [whimpering.]
[muffled shouts of panic.]
Strap her in tight.
Get her tight Get her tight.
Oh, yeah.
Careful Careful with that.
Good, good.
Good.
Good Sorry about this, Rapunzel.
Good, okay, now, take her helmet and back up.
Everybody, back up! [Lydia screaming in panic.]
All right, ready? Okay, here we go.
Three, two, one, go! [electricity surging and sparking.]
Stay.
.
Everybody, stay back.
Stay stay back.
Everybody, stay back.
Okay.
Hey, girl.
Aw there's my girl.
Aw okay.
- Okay, get the dog - [door bangs open.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait whoa, whoa! Whoa, no, no! Whoa, whoa! Whoa, hang on So it's come to this, Pollux? Sacrilege.
Treason.
Death.
No one has to die here today, Rainey.
Do you know who this is? Do you? Come here.
Come here Lydia Spring.
Patrick Spring has the other machine, the unlimited energy device.
He's waiting for us at the Perryman Grand right now.
Spring is no longer a threat.
We don't need his other machine.
You have been running things for too long.
This is a new era.
You have lost the path.
It is time for a change Enough! Get the dog.
If he resists, shoot it.
No! No I will smash this, and I will end it, and you will spend the rest of your miserable life in that body.
Give me my dog.
Put the machine down.
Give me my dog! [whimpers.]
You can't beat me.
Let's go.
Now! And I will be back for my goddamn dog! [gunshots firing.]
What was that? [crashing, gunshots blast.]
[bullets ricochet.]
[henchman roaring, steam hissing.]
.]
[bolt whooshes.]
[electricity surges and crackles.]
[bullets ricochet.]
Are you the body that houses the soul of Jake Rainey? What are you? I'm looking for Jake Rainey.
Are you the body that houses the soul of Jake Rainey? Yes.
[yelping.]
- We're not with them! - We're on the same side! Who are you? Don't you see, Todd? This has all already happened! But there's still time to Easy Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who are you, and what are you doing here? Dirk, what's going on? Who is this guy? I solved the case, and this is Patrick Spring.
[.]
Please don't kill us! I can explain everything.
You go by Patrick Spring now, but your real name is Zackariah Webb, and you made a terrible mistake.
In the 1880s, you attempted to build a time machine.
[budgie squawking.]
But there was a problem.
At first, the device only half worked, it only sent energy through time, not matter.
It jumped the very souls right out the bodies.
This cost you the lives of many of your beloved pets.
Eventually, you fixed it, sort of.
You accidentally sent the machine into the future, and then, suddenly the machine came back, not exactly the same as the one you sent.
It had been altered.
Clearly, something had gone very wrong.
Whatever had happened, you had to undo it, so, in your mind, you only had one option Jump to the future.
The machine you used to travel forward was there in your lab.
But there was no sign of the original time machine you accidentally sent into the future that started this whole mess.
You had to find it.
In real time, more than 80 years have passed, and it looks like someone else is now occupying your mansion.
There are squatters in the house you abandoned, a group of hippies led by a man named Jake Rainey, and they had your original time machine.
You say "Hey! Give me that machine back!" They say, "No, "this magically appeared from nowhere, and is clearly meant for us, you give us your machine.
" "No, you don't even know what it does!" "We don't care, we're super crazy!" No, give me my machine right now!" There's too many of them.
You run, and it's all very scary.
To fight him, though, you need money, and resources.
Fortunately, you're a brilliant inventor, and you discover a way to turn your time machine into an unlimited energy device.
You move into the Ridgely, take the name Edgar Spring, and begin to build your empire.
You find the future fascinating.
The advances are irresistible.
Also, you can't leave until you wrest your machine back from Rainey.
But Ah-hah! Another wrinkle.
The bad guys had figured out how to use what was originally a glitch in your time machine to swap souls into different bodies.
Rainey could literally become a different person.
He used this ability to stay young and grow more powerful, eventually confronting you.
Rainey said, "Our group is growing, "You can't hide it forever.
Just surrender the machine you're using to make energy.
" And then you said, "I can't do that.
" "This is gonna be a war.
Then everything from here on, the blood is on your hands.
" It already was.
You've spent decades waging a war in secret trying to get ahead of your enemy.
The hippies renamed themselves, "The Men of the Machine," and Rainey made good on his promise.
It was war.
They wanted your Unlimited Energy Device, and you needed to get back the Time Machine that was now a Soul Swapper.
But you couldn't get the upper hand.
Things seemed hopeless.
Your life was dark, and you were full of rage.
Could you keep living like this? That's when something you never expected happened.
You fell in love.
[quietly.]
Are you okay? [Dirk continues.]
: Lydia was born.
You had a beautiful daughter.
You were happier than you ever thought you could be.
But then terrible tragedy struck.
They killed your wife.
That was the last straw.
You had finally had enough.
You decided to skip directly to the end.
You jumped to the future, hopefully to catch your enemies completely by surprise.
Which is what led you here, today.
Is that basically what happened? How could you possibly know all that? - I got it all right? - How? Well, it seemed obvious to me I have magic powers.
So, wait, why didn't you just Oh, whoa, whoa! [quickly.]
Wh-What's the use in picking it all apart? No, what's done is done, and that's that, so great job, I think! I did the best I could.
Yes, definitely, 100% [both frantically agreeing.]
Totally reasonable series of logical decisions What's crazy about that? We are not the enemy.
We are here trying to save your daughter.
My daughter? What's happened to my daughter? They're taking her to the Perryman Grand Hotel to meet you the older you but listen, there's more elements at play here than you realize Don't get in my way.
Well, that guy certainly puts the "mad" in mad scientist.
Jesus, he shot the tires out.
Come on, we've got to get out of here before any more of them show up.
Do you know how to work that thing? Well, those guys don't look too bright.
How hard can it be? Oh, come on, all of them? Do you think he realizes this is the day he's murdered? I mean the other him.
Goddamnit, my brain hurts.
Look, I'm still figuring it all out myself, but it's possible that this is why he was murdered.
Todd, three questions, one answer.
That's what it means.
We got three maps that led to one solution.
Zackariah Webb, Edgar Spring, and Patrick Spring.
Three men are actually one man jumping through time.
The Unlimited Energy Device, the Soul Exchanger, and The Time Machine Right, three machines are actually one machine, existing simultaneously, but out of chronological sequence Wait, wait! If this is the morning, then Patrick Spring, the present Patrick Spring, isn't dead yet.
Farah's still being held by those creepy guys, and Amanda Amanda! Oh, my God, Dirk, we can fix it! We can save Lydia Spring and fix everything! Well, yes, that was my plan originally, but We've got to get to the Perryman Grand.
Now.
No, wait, Todd, just [groans.]
You defied the Supreme Soul.
You stole the Soul Exchanger.
No.
We did! We stole the Soul Exchanger.
Aren't you tired of being mindless drones? Aren't you all tired of being mindless drones? Isn't that why you came to me in the first place? I tell you, I have plans.
Big plans.
Red here is gonna meet a guy in the desert who is going to help us change everything! You said that I could have Rainey's body.
I want one of the good bodies, like the original souls get.
I am sick and tired of Rainey treating you like you're disposable, putting you for years into dogs and-and birds.
It does something to you, mentally.
You deserve better than that.
Yes, I also think that in my head.
I want to be a panther.
I want you to put me in a panther.
I don't like to be a human anymore.
You will be a panther.
You will be a panther, Ed.
Do any of you think that I want to be Gordon Rimmer anymore? No! We're going to get both machines.
We're going to get them both, and all the power that comes with it, and then we'll be able to do whatever the hell we want.
That is what we like best about you, Gordon, you always tell us what we want to hear.
Okay.
Who has the kitten? Rainey is a coward, content with the status quo.
But not us.
Not you, not me.
I am the only one with the balls to use the machine to create things.
That little kitty cat is what I call a weaponized soul.
That's right.
Very dangerous.
You understand.
We only use the kitty cat as a last resort.
[dog-Lydia barks.]
You know what is gonna be the sweetest thing in the whole deal? Getting me my goddamn dog back! This zoo is huge.
Shit! There's cameras everywhere.
Stay down, we can't get caught.
[Dirk.]
: Yes, that would be bad.
Look at you, running around with a crossbow.
You're like an action hero.
Oh, dammit! Quick, hide! We don't have time to sneak through the whole zoo.
We can't just Do you realize what this is? Do you realize what that is? It's fate! It's destiny.
This gorilla mask, it's just like the one I saw on the tape.
It's a sign.
These are all signs Todd, I don't think you're thinking this through.
I had a vision, Dirk.
I'm ahead of you for once.
I had a vision of myself wearing these clothes.
My sister hates me, I've got no job, everything I own is destroyed, but this could change everything.
Hey, is someone back there? Hello? Anyone back there? [whispering.]
No, Todd Todd! We're time-traveling detectives on our way to stop a murder! Get on the ground, and toss the keys away from you! We're taking your truck! So much makes sense now.
That's how they got the shark in the kitten! They must've soul-swapped it.
Right, perhaps.
How'd they get a hammerhead shark, though? They have money.
They steal the bodies of rich people.
Do you remember how obsessed Gordon Rimmer was with Lux DuJour? It's because he was Lux DuJour, right? Doesn't that make sense? And that's why there's been such a tiny response from the police so far.
They must have people on the inside! Right That's why everything's blowing up right now.
I mean, that Gordon Rimmer guy, like, rebelled, and then at the same time, Patrick Spring, like, shows up from the past, and, like, annihilates everybody.
It seems like a bunch of unconnected, spontaneous, and unlikely coincidences, but it's not.
Right? Everything is actually connected! You're starting to sound exactly like me.
Holy shit, Dirk, I get it.
I get everything.
[brakes screech.]
Listen, before we go into the hotel, now is the time for us to take a moment, and think, really think about how we're going to do this.
We have a unique opportunity here, and we need to be careful how we use it.
It's 9:36.
I didn't get up to the penthouse until after 10:00.
If we're gonna do this, we have to go right now.
There's three elevators guest, service, and freight.
If we don't want to be seen, we can go through the loading bay, and take the service elevator.
If Gordon Rimmer and his goons are in there, we need a better plan than that.
You saw the aftermath of what happened in the penthouse.
or what's going to happen, or not What are you holding? [whispering.]
It's the lottery ticket.
I'm meant to have it.
Or wait, if the lottery ticket is in this truck, then how-how could Todd, never mind, you were right.
There's no time for this! Right then, come on! [.]
[dog-Lydia barking.]
Whoa! Shit! Okay, staff elevator's out.
Uh we can go in through the service entrance and take the freight.
It's slow, but if we hurry, we can make it in time.
Can you get us into the penthouse? Well, no, but [sighing.]
The master key! It's in the office.
We can use it on any room in the hotel.
Masks on.
Look.
[whispering.]
Wait, if that's the key [elevator dings.]
- Stairs? - Stairs.
[knock on door.]
[whimpering.]
This isn't my daughter.
You catch on quick.
Where's the machine? Meeting us was only half the deal.
You get the machine, the other machine, your father's machine, then you get the soul that goes with the body.
Your friends are already dead.
It's all already over.
What the hell are you talking about? [.]
[barks.]
I've wasted the time.
15 years preparing for this moment, and I still took you for granted.
[barks.]
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Put the put the phone down.
Yes! I was awake.
I've been awake.
Where are you? It's time.
I'm on my way is where I am, and almost there already, so everything's great.
I said put down the goddamn phone! It's too late.
And now it's over.
No, it's not No, you can still have your daughter, you just bring us the other machine! Nobody move! Who the hell are you? Wait a m Don't blame yourself.
It always ended like this.
Shut up! You would make a deal with these people? They killed Catherine! [stammering.]
[panting in exhaustion.]
Jesus Christ! When you find Lydia, tell her I loved her.
Tell her I'm sorry.
It never ended any other way.
What? - [Dirk sighs heavily.]
- And good luck, Dirk.
I'm sorry I hit you.
Who the hell are those guys? [quietly.]
Oh, no No, don't! [meows.]
[yelps.]
[screams.]
[meows.]
Come on! Come on! We've got to get out of here! Come on! [Rimmer.]
: Hey, stop! Stop! Oh, Mr.
Palacios Todd, perfect, I need you to get to 745 Yes, I will, I just Welcome to the Perryman Grand, allow us to help you with that.
Hey, stop! I was wondering if I could get my check a little early this month? What? Why? Are you okay? [yelps.]
And do me a favor, check out the penthouse.
They've had a "Do Not Disturb" since 2:00 p.
m.
yesterday.
You still have your master key? No, I misplaced it.
Take mine.
745, and then the penthouse.
Oh, oh, Jesus Christ.
Come on, come on, we gotta go.
We gotta go.
Go! Go! Go! Holy shit.
What the hell just happened? What did he mean, "It always ended this way?" - Dirk? - Oh, right! Listen very carefully What's happening? It's a mess up there, but we're gonna figure it out.
Who's that? That's your best friend.
Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.
Listen to me, he's at the Ridgely Building - The Ridgely.
- Right.
What's that guy over there? No time to explain.
Three questions, one answer, you understand? Do you? [groans.]
Ah! There's no time! Get the kitten! We forgot it! Go! Run! Don't let them see your face! Okay! I'm I'm going to do something! Right now! Come on, we've got to get out of here! Run! [call ringing.]
Calm down, calm down! It was a loop.
It was a time loop! You remembered that happening! That's how you got the gorilla mask! It wasn't a coincidence.
That's how you knew to get the kitten! Well, no, I didn't have any context, I just thought that Well, I mean, once we'd got here, it was obvious.
Yeah, maybe to someone reading it in a book, not when you're living it! We have to get out of the hotel No! You knew it was a time machine! You lied to me.
You lied the whole time, and now you've screwed both of us! No! No! Silence! - [elevator dings.]
- No, you shut up! Don't you say a word, I don't want to hear it! Wait Holy shit, this is when it happened.
That means that Come on! What happened? Where is the machine? Something went really wrong.
Where are the others? - Someone came in.
- Who? Just someone! Okay? Someone got in, and now Patrick Spring is dead.
[whimpers softly.]
What do we do now? We'll figure it out.
We'll go to the we'll go to the reliquary, We'll find out what Rainey knows.
We still accomplished something.
Maybe don't throw all of it away, we might need some guns actually, so Right.
Sorry.
Okay.
[.]
- Who's that? - That's your best friend.
Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.
Listen to me, he's at the Ridgely Building.
The Ridgely.
- [yelps in fright.]
- Hi! Whose cat is that? Oh, it's the one from the crime scene, the one everyone's been looking for.
I got you this new shirt in the gift shop.
I've seen this shirt before.
Three questions, one answer.
Do you understand? "Three questions, one answer" But how could you have possibly known that? It's a map! [desperately.]
But you were there! - Where? - At the hotel! It's a time loop! You remembered that happening! You were hit pretty hard back there.
Are you feeling any better? My name is Dirk Gently.
I'm a detective.
You hired Your future self, hired me to investigate this whole "you dying" incident.
Well, me and him, we're future us.
We found your time machine, about a week from now, and used it to come back here.
Impossible.
When I took the machine out of Springsborough, I buried it We dug it up.
- Well, how could you - You told us how.
You left us a map.
Well, I suppose you will leave us a map.
Actually, you did a rather unnecessarily complicated bit with a map, to a map, to a map, in a maze that was a bit, what's the word "killy"? And you are Ah.
You are not paying attention.
You have stopped listening.
Right.
You know, we've put our lives at risk for you, against an army of body-swapping psychos, the least you could do is The Men of the Machine aren't some all-powerful evil empire.
They're buffoons, greedy imbeciles too stupid to Well, it seems that hasn't stopped them from hurting a lot of people while you became a billionaire.
They were so obsessed with the power they discovered, they never took the time to truly understand it.
Well, it seems their blindness has led to their undoing.
Huh, bit of dramatic irony, don't you think? Because that's exactly what happened to you.
[groans.]
Right.
I should have seen that coming.
Hey.
It's not over.
We still have time to save your daughter.
You're right, and you two play a part.
When the machine came back, it had a note on it, with your name.
My name? Yes.
Your name, covered in blood.
[timidly.]
Blood? These tubes tell the machine which date to travel to.
This tube is programmed to 1886, the day I sent it forward and started this whole bloody mess.
You'll need this tube to send the time machine you've got to me in the past.
As far as I'm concerned, to save Lydia, all I need to do is take one more jump.
You're not listening, that isn't even possible The machine I used is in the socket in my lab.
You use your machine to go back where you started.
Wait, where's your time machine? [sighing.]
Aw nuts.
We forgot it.
You what? We forgot the time machine at the zoo, at their temple thing.
How could you be so stupid? Hey! Man! You just killed yourself! After everything you've done, you don't get to tell us how stupid we are.
I'm over it! I'm over this! How do you not understand? You don't win! This is how it ended.
You don't use the time machine again for anything except to go back home.
[mockingly.]
"How could you know that?" 'Cause it's obvious! We just watched an older version of you die in that hotel room! You have no idea Do I understand exactly what happened? Hell no.
But I still think I understand what really matters.
I was waiting for some big complex pay-off where you explain everything, but now I get that you're just as blind and crazy as everyone else.
You're so obsessed with one mistake that you made a long time ago, that you can't see all the people you've hurt along the way.
You can't fix everything.
Some choices you just have to accept, and try and rebuild as best you can.
So accept it.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
All my inventions, all this death, it's all for nothing.
Lydia is the only thing I have left in this world, and my foolish, selfish, short-sighted choices have left her alone.
I was responsible for her, and my mistakes, they've ruined everything.
I'm heading back to 2001.
My daughter needs me.
Certain things can't be changed.
It's you.
It was you all along.
It will always be you.
Please save her.
I will.
Never enough time.
Never enough time to figure it all out.
Maybe make the maps less complicated, or murdery, or He's going to do whatever he did before.
Right.
It's actually really tragic when you think about it.
He leaves us here, returns to the past, and spends 15 years preparing for this moment.
By all accounts, Spring was a distant father to Lydia, and even more reclusive.
I suppose seeing yourself die might do that to you.
So he never won, never woke up from this dream.
He just ended up trapped and alone forever.
I'm trying to figure out what to do next, though.
Do we try to contact ourselves? I suppose we can't, because we didn't, right? Like if we don't remember it, then it didn't happen, so it's possible, or probable, that we that we If we were to The master key was missing the day of the murder.
I remember now.
It's because I stole my own key.
And the lottery ticket that I lost, I'm the one who found it in the truck in the first place.
Everything happened exactly the way that it did before.
You're a monster.
A monster? Come on, Todd, you're overreacting You knew what was happening before you even met me.
When Dorian died.
When they tried to kill me on the bridge.
When Farah was still being held in that room.
When that FBI guy threatened Amanda You saw what I said to me, that wasn't enough to No, no, no, no, when we were almost crushed to death, and electrocuted, and burned to death, and shot, you knew that we'd end up here I didn't know that, exactly.
I didn't have any context Oh, and when were you gonna share that with me, huh? I just sort of thought that you left things out because you were eccentric, or crazy, or stupid.
But you didn't.
You deliberately hid things from me.
- You lied to me! - I didn't lie.
I-I just didn't tell you the whole truth because I didn't understand it, and You're a liar, and you ruined my life, just to have a friend.
You deserve to be alone, Dirk.
I didn't lie.
I'd think you of all people know what a lie looks like by now.
No, wait, that wasn't what I meant, I'm sorry, I just That wasn't what I meant.
After all this is over, don't ever speak to me again, Dirk.
[.]
Shit.
I hear someone coming.
Get the machine, we've gotta get out of here.
[Rimmer.]
: Hurry up! Come on! They're coming.
Shit, they're coming! We have to go.
Now! They obviously don't catch us, Todd, or they'd remember us in the future from the past, which is currently the present, so Right? What do we do? What are you doing? Well, it worked last time.
No, it didn't! Well, we're not dead! I'll take us back to the Wild West, we can stop all of this before it even began.
Dirk, haven't you been listening to anything? - That won't work! - Get off! No, we are going back to the future to save Lydia Spring! The note with my name had my blood on it, Todd, my blood! I cannot just We're not going back to the Wild West! - Everything is connected! - I hate you! [gasps awake.]
What? Shit! Dammit No catch.
What's next? Break the actuator.
Trunk opens.
Maybe.
[kicking.]
[kicking harder.]
Wait [cocks gun.]
[sighs.]
[firing.]
[gunshots firing.]
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no! Fred, get the hell out there, see what that is! [.]
Run! Kill them.
Where are you going? I'm going to check on Rapunzel! - What's the plan? - Come on, grab hold! [breathing hard.]
No, wait I can [muttering.]
Like getting born again.
Getting born through this! [barking.]
Rapunzel? How did you Hey.
Oh, no.
Gordon Rimmer? 'Sup? [fires, glass shattering.]
[barking.]
- Put that dog - [Rimmer grunting.]
back in that dog! And that girl Back! In that! Girl! Stop! Stop! Stop When are we? Back where we came from.
Oh, shit.
[pounding on door.]
Oh Dirk! [electricity crackles.]
Tod saw Todd.
There was a dog in the girl and a girl in the dog.
- Are you Lidya Spring.
- [Barks.]
Crazy bad guys.
A kitten-shark.
Lots of machines, one of wich may be Edgard's Spring Unlimited Energy Device.
Todd confessed to Amanda.
I never had pararibulitis.
But that went badly for him.
You are exactly, the piece of shit that work that you are.
Todd was captured.
- Farrah was captured.
- You're gonna come with me.
And I was captured.
This is getting really complicated.
What is going on? But don't worry Edgard Spring, Zachariah Webb, Patrick Spring.
I solved the case.
This no count as a magic, Todd we are going to fix, everything.
- What's next? - Everything is connected.
[.]
Can't believe that actually worked.
What? What happened? Are we Wh-Where are we? Are we still here? For the moment, yes.
But at the moment? No.
We're in the past.
If I'm correct, one week in the past.
The Unlimited Energy Device is a time machine? - Did-did you know that - Kind of a hunch, really.
But the good news is [Rimmer approaching, muffled yelling.]
Never mind, there's no good news.
Hide.
[banging and battering on door.]
All right, get the machine.
Plug it in.
Put the dog there.
We're switching her into the dog, and the dog into her.
- [muffled screams of protest.]
- Tie her in.
- [whispering.]
- That's Lydia! [whimpering.]
[muffled shouts of panic.]
Strap her in tight.
Get her tight Get her tight.
Oh, yeah.
Careful Careful with that.
Good, good.
Good.
Good Sorry about this, Rapunzel.
Good, okay, now, take her helmet and back up.
Everybody, back up! [Lydia screaming in panic.]
All right, ready? Okay, here we go.
Three, two, one, go! [electricity surging and sparking.]
Stay.
.
Everybody, stay back.
Stay stay back.
Everybody, stay back.
Okay.
Hey, girl.
Aw there's my girl.
Aw okay.
- Okay, get the dog - [door bangs open.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait whoa, whoa! Whoa, no, no! Whoa, whoa! Whoa, hang on So it's come to this, Pollux? Sacrilege.
Treason.
Death.
No one has to die here today, Rainey.
Do you know who this is? Do you? Come here.
Come here Lydia Spring.
Patrick Spring has the other machine, the unlimited energy device.
He's waiting for us at the Perryman Grand right now.
Spring is no longer a threat.
We don't need his other machine.
You have been running things for too long.
This is a new era.
You have lost the path.
It is time for a change Enough! Get the dog.
If he resists, shoot it.
No! No I will smash this, and I will end it, and you will spend the rest of your miserable life in that body.
Give me my dog.
Put the machine down.
Give me my dog! [whimpers.]
You can't beat me.
Let's go.
Now! And I will be back for my goddamn dog! [gunshots firing.]
What was that? [crashing, gunshots blast.]
[bullets ricochet.]
[henchman roaring, steam hissing.]
.]
[bolt whooshes.]
[electricity surges and crackles.]
[bullets ricochet.]
Are you the body that houses the soul of Jake Rainey? What are you? I'm looking for Jake Rainey.
Are you the body that houses the soul of Jake Rainey? Yes.
[yelping.]
- We're not with them! - We're on the same side! Who are you? Don't you see, Todd? This has all already happened! But there's still time to Easy Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who are you, and what are you doing here? Dirk, what's going on? Who is this guy? I solved the case, and this is Patrick Spring.
[.]
Please don't kill us! I can explain everything.
You go by Patrick Spring now, but your real name is Zackariah Webb, and you made a terrible mistake.
In the 1880s, you attempted to build a time machine.
[budgie squawking.]
But there was a problem.
At first, the device only half worked, it only sent energy through time, not matter.
It jumped the very souls right out the bodies.
This cost you the lives of many of your beloved pets.
Eventually, you fixed it, sort of.
You accidentally sent the machine into the future, and then, suddenly the machine came back, not exactly the same as the one you sent.
It had been altered.
Clearly, something had gone very wrong.
Whatever had happened, you had to undo it, so, in your mind, you only had one option Jump to the future.
The machine you used to travel forward was there in your lab.
But there was no sign of the original time machine you accidentally sent into the future that started this whole mess.
You had to find it.
In real time, more than 80 years have passed, and it looks like someone else is now occupying your mansion.
There are squatters in the house you abandoned, a group of hippies led by a man named Jake Rainey, and they had your original time machine.
You say "Hey! Give me that machine back!" They say, "No, "this magically appeared from nowhere, and is clearly meant for us, you give us your machine.
" "No, you don't even know what it does!" "We don't care, we're super crazy!" No, give me my machine right now!" There's too many of them.
You run, and it's all very scary.
To fight him, though, you need money, and resources.
Fortunately, you're a brilliant inventor, and you discover a way to turn your time machine into an unlimited energy device.
You move into the Ridgely, take the name Edgar Spring, and begin to build your empire.
You find the future fascinating.
The advances are irresistible.
Also, you can't leave until you wrest your machine back from Rainey.
But Ah-hah! Another wrinkle.
The bad guys had figured out how to use what was originally a glitch in your time machine to swap souls into different bodies.
Rainey could literally become a different person.
He used this ability to stay young and grow more powerful, eventually confronting you.
Rainey said, "Our group is growing, "You can't hide it forever.
Just surrender the machine you're using to make energy.
" And then you said, "I can't do that.
" "This is gonna be a war.
Then everything from here on, the blood is on your hands.
" It already was.
You've spent decades waging a war in secret trying to get ahead of your enemy.
The hippies renamed themselves, "The Men of the Machine," and Rainey made good on his promise.
It was war.
They wanted your Unlimited Energy Device, and you needed to get back the Time Machine that was now a Soul Swapper.
But you couldn't get the upper hand.
Things seemed hopeless.
Your life was dark, and you were full of rage.
Could you keep living like this? That's when something you never expected happened.
You fell in love.
[quietly.]
Are you okay? [Dirk continues.]
: Lydia was born.
You had a beautiful daughter.
You were happier than you ever thought you could be.
But then terrible tragedy struck.
They killed your wife.
That was the last straw.
You had finally had enough.
You decided to skip directly to the end.
You jumped to the future, hopefully to catch your enemies completely by surprise.
Which is what led you here, today.
Is that basically what happened? How could you possibly know all that? - I got it all right? - How? Well, it seemed obvious to me I have magic powers.
So, wait, why didn't you just Oh, whoa, whoa! [quickly.]
Wh-What's the use in picking it all apart? No, what's done is done, and that's that, so great job, I think! I did the best I could.
Yes, definitely, 100% [both frantically agreeing.]
Totally reasonable series of logical decisions What's crazy about that? We are not the enemy.
We are here trying to save your daughter.
My daughter? What's happened to my daughter? They're taking her to the Perryman Grand Hotel to meet you the older you but listen, there's more elements at play here than you realize Don't get in my way.
Well, that guy certainly puts the "mad" in mad scientist.
Jesus, he shot the tires out.
Come on, we've got to get out of here before any more of them show up.
Do you know how to work that thing? Well, those guys don't look too bright.
How hard can it be? Oh, come on, all of them? Do you think he realizes this is the day he's murdered? I mean the other him.
Goddamnit, my brain hurts.
Look, I'm still figuring it all out myself, but it's possible that this is why he was murdered.
Todd, three questions, one answer.
That's what it means.
We got three maps that led to one solution.
Zackariah Webb, Edgar Spring, and Patrick Spring.
Three men are actually one man jumping through time.
The Unlimited Energy Device, the Soul Exchanger, and The Time Machine Right, three machines are actually one machine, existing simultaneously, but out of chronological sequence Wait, wait! If this is the morning, then Patrick Spring, the present Patrick Spring, isn't dead yet.
Farah's still being held by those creepy guys, and Amanda Amanda! Oh, my God, Dirk, we can fix it! We can save Lydia Spring and fix everything! Well, yes, that was my plan originally, but We've got to get to the Perryman Grand.
Now.
No, wait, Todd, just [groans.]
You defied the Supreme Soul.
You stole the Soul Exchanger.
No.
We did! We stole the Soul Exchanger.
Aren't you tired of being mindless drones? Aren't you all tired of being mindless drones? Isn't that why you came to me in the first place? I tell you, I have plans.
Big plans.
Red here is gonna meet a guy in the desert who is going to help us change everything! You said that I could have Rainey's body.
I want one of the good bodies, like the original souls get.
I am sick and tired of Rainey treating you like you're disposable, putting you for years into dogs and-and birds.
It does something to you, mentally.
You deserve better than that.
Yes, I also think that in my head.
I want to be a panther.
I want you to put me in a panther.
I don't like to be a human anymore.
You will be a panther.
You will be a panther, Ed.
Do any of you think that I want to be Gordon Rimmer anymore? No! We're going to get both machines.
We're going to get them both, and all the power that comes with it, and then we'll be able to do whatever the hell we want.
That is what we like best about you, Gordon, you always tell us what we want to hear.
Okay.
Who has the kitten? Rainey is a coward, content with the status quo.
But not us.
Not you, not me.
I am the only one with the balls to use the machine to create things.
That little kitty cat is what I call a weaponized soul.
That's right.
Very dangerous.
You understand.
We only use the kitty cat as a last resort.
[dog-Lydia barks.]
You know what is gonna be the sweetest thing in the whole deal? Getting me my goddamn dog back! This zoo is huge.
Shit! There's cameras everywhere.
Stay down, we can't get caught.
[Dirk.]
: Yes, that would be bad.
Look at you, running around with a crossbow.
You're like an action hero.
Oh, dammit! Quick, hide! We don't have time to sneak through the whole zoo.
We can't just Do you realize what this is? Do you realize what that is? It's fate! It's destiny.
This gorilla mask, it's just like the one I saw on the tape.
It's a sign.
These are all signs Todd, I don't think you're thinking this through.
I had a vision, Dirk.
I'm ahead of you for once.
I had a vision of myself wearing these clothes.
My sister hates me, I've got no job, everything I own is destroyed, but this could change everything.
Hey, is someone back there? Hello? Anyone back there? [whispering.]
No, Todd Todd! We're time-traveling detectives on our way to stop a murder! Get on the ground, and toss the keys away from you! We're taking your truck! So much makes sense now.
That's how they got the shark in the kitten! They must've soul-swapped it.
Right, perhaps.
How'd they get a hammerhead shark, though? They have money.
They steal the bodies of rich people.
Do you remember how obsessed Gordon Rimmer was with Lux DuJour? It's because he was Lux DuJour, right? Doesn't that make sense? And that's why there's been such a tiny response from the police so far.
They must have people on the inside! Right That's why everything's blowing up right now.
I mean, that Gordon Rimmer guy, like, rebelled, and then at the same time, Patrick Spring, like, shows up from the past, and, like, annihilates everybody.
It seems like a bunch of unconnected, spontaneous, and unlikely coincidences, but it's not.
Right? Everything is actually connected! You're starting to sound exactly like me.
Holy shit, Dirk, I get it.
I get everything.
[brakes screech.]
Listen, before we go into the hotel, now is the time for us to take a moment, and think, really think about how we're going to do this.
We have a unique opportunity here, and we need to be careful how we use it.
It's 9:36.
I didn't get up to the penthouse until after 10:00.
If we're gonna do this, we have to go right now.
There's three elevators guest, service, and freight.
If we don't want to be seen, we can go through the loading bay, and take the service elevator.
If Gordon Rimmer and his goons are in there, we need a better plan than that.
You saw the aftermath of what happened in the penthouse.
or what's going to happen, or not What are you holding? [whispering.]
It's the lottery ticket.
I'm meant to have it.
Or wait, if the lottery ticket is in this truck, then how-how could Todd, never mind, you were right.
There's no time for this! Right then, come on! [.]
[dog-Lydia barking.]
Whoa! Shit! Okay, staff elevator's out.
Uh we can go in through the service entrance and take the freight.
It's slow, but if we hurry, we can make it in time.
Can you get us into the penthouse? Well, no, but [sighing.]
The master key! It's in the office.
We can use it on any room in the hotel.
Masks on.
Look.
[whispering.]
Wait, if that's the key [elevator dings.]
- Stairs? - Stairs.
[knock on door.]
[whimpering.]
This isn't my daughter.
You catch on quick.
Where's the machine? Meeting us was only half the deal.
You get the machine, the other machine, your father's machine, then you get the soul that goes with the body.
Your friends are already dead.
It's all already over.
What the hell are you talking about? [.]
[barks.]
I've wasted the time.
15 years preparing for this moment, and I still took you for granted.
[barks.]
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Put the put the phone down.
Yes! I was awake.
I've been awake.
Where are you? It's time.
I'm on my way is where I am, and almost there already, so everything's great.
I said put down the goddamn phone! It's too late.
And now it's over.
No, it's not No, you can still have your daughter, you just bring us the other machine! Nobody move! Who the hell are you? Wait a m Don't blame yourself.
It always ended like this.
Shut up! You would make a deal with these people? They killed Catherine! [stammering.]
[panting in exhaustion.]
Jesus Christ! When you find Lydia, tell her I loved her.
Tell her I'm sorry.
It never ended any other way.
What? - [Dirk sighs heavily.]
- And good luck, Dirk.
I'm sorry I hit you.
Who the hell are those guys? [quietly.]
Oh, no No, don't! [meows.]
[yelps.]
[screams.]
[meows.]
Come on! Come on! We've got to get out of here! Come on! [Rimmer.]
: Hey, stop! Stop! Oh, Mr.
Palacios Todd, perfect, I need you to get to 745 Yes, I will, I just Welcome to the Perryman Grand, allow us to help you with that.
Hey, stop! I was wondering if I could get my check a little early this month? What? Why? Are you okay? [yelps.]
And do me a favor, check out the penthouse.
They've had a "Do Not Disturb" since 2:00 p.
m.
yesterday.
You still have your master key? No, I misplaced it.
Take mine.
745, and then the penthouse.
Oh, oh, Jesus Christ.
Come on, come on, we gotta go.
We gotta go.
Go! Go! Go! Holy shit.
What the hell just happened? What did he mean, "It always ended this way?" - Dirk? - Oh, right! Listen very carefully What's happening? It's a mess up there, but we're gonna figure it out.
Who's that? That's your best friend.
Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.
Listen to me, he's at the Ridgely Building - The Ridgely.
- Right.
What's that guy over there? No time to explain.
Three questions, one answer, you understand? Do you? [groans.]
Ah! There's no time! Get the kitten! We forgot it! Go! Run! Don't let them see your face! Okay! I'm I'm going to do something! Right now! Come on, we've got to get out of here! Run! [call ringing.]
Calm down, calm down! It was a loop.
It was a time loop! You remembered that happening! That's how you got the gorilla mask! It wasn't a coincidence.
That's how you knew to get the kitten! Well, no, I didn't have any context, I just thought that Well, I mean, once we'd got here, it was obvious.
Yeah, maybe to someone reading it in a book, not when you're living it! We have to get out of the hotel No! You knew it was a time machine! You lied to me.
You lied the whole time, and now you've screwed both of us! No! No! Silence! - [elevator dings.]
- No, you shut up! Don't you say a word, I don't want to hear it! Wait Holy shit, this is when it happened.
That means that Come on! What happened? Where is the machine? Something went really wrong.
Where are the others? - Someone came in.
- Who? Just someone! Okay? Someone got in, and now Patrick Spring is dead.
[whimpers softly.]
What do we do now? We'll figure it out.
We'll go to the we'll go to the reliquary, We'll find out what Rainey knows.
We still accomplished something.
Maybe don't throw all of it away, we might need some guns actually, so Right.
Sorry.
Okay.
[.]
- Who's that? - That's your best friend.
Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.
Listen to me, he's at the Ridgely Building.
The Ridgely.
- [yelps in fright.]
- Hi! Whose cat is that? Oh, it's the one from the crime scene, the one everyone's been looking for.
I got you this new shirt in the gift shop.
I've seen this shirt before.
Three questions, one answer.
Do you understand? "Three questions, one answer" But how could you have possibly known that? It's a map! [desperately.]
But you were there! - Where? - At the hotel! It's a time loop! You remembered that happening! You were hit pretty hard back there.
Are you feeling any better? My name is Dirk Gently.
I'm a detective.
You hired Your future self, hired me to investigate this whole "you dying" incident.
Well, me and him, we're future us.
We found your time machine, about a week from now, and used it to come back here.
Impossible.
When I took the machine out of Springsborough, I buried it We dug it up.
- Well, how could you - You told us how.
You left us a map.
Well, I suppose you will leave us a map.
Actually, you did a rather unnecessarily complicated bit with a map, to a map, to a map, in a maze that was a bit, what's the word "killy"? And you are Ah.
You are not paying attention.
You have stopped listening.
Right.
You know, we've put our lives at risk for you, against an army of body-swapping psychos, the least you could do is The Men of the Machine aren't some all-powerful evil empire.
They're buffoons, greedy imbeciles too stupid to Well, it seems that hasn't stopped them from hurting a lot of people while you became a billionaire.
They were so obsessed with the power they discovered, they never took the time to truly understand it.
Well, it seems their blindness has led to their undoing.
Huh, bit of dramatic irony, don't you think? Because that's exactly what happened to you.
[groans.]
Right.
I should have seen that coming.
Hey.
It's not over.
We still have time to save your daughter.
You're right, and you two play a part.
When the machine came back, it had a note on it, with your name.
My name? Yes.
Your name, covered in blood.
[timidly.]
Blood? These tubes tell the machine which date to travel to.
This tube is programmed to 1886, the day I sent it forward and started this whole bloody mess.
You'll need this tube to send the time machine you've got to me in the past.
As far as I'm concerned, to save Lydia, all I need to do is take one more jump.
You're not listening, that isn't even possible The machine I used is in the socket in my lab.
You use your machine to go back where you started.
Wait, where's your time machine? [sighing.]
Aw nuts.
We forgot it.
You what? We forgot the time machine at the zoo, at their temple thing.
How could you be so stupid? Hey! Man! You just killed yourself! After everything you've done, you don't get to tell us how stupid we are.
I'm over it! I'm over this! How do you not understand? You don't win! This is how it ended.
You don't use the time machine again for anything except to go back home.
[mockingly.]
"How could you know that?" 'Cause it's obvious! We just watched an older version of you die in that hotel room! You have no idea Do I understand exactly what happened? Hell no.
But I still think I understand what really matters.
I was waiting for some big complex pay-off where you explain everything, but now I get that you're just as blind and crazy as everyone else.
You're so obsessed with one mistake that you made a long time ago, that you can't see all the people you've hurt along the way.
You can't fix everything.
Some choices you just have to accept, and try and rebuild as best you can.
So accept it.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
All my inventions, all this death, it's all for nothing.
Lydia is the only thing I have left in this world, and my foolish, selfish, short-sighted choices have left her alone.
I was responsible for her, and my mistakes, they've ruined everything.
I'm heading back to 2001.
My daughter needs me.
Certain things can't be changed.
It's you.
It was you all along.
It will always be you.
Please save her.
I will.
Never enough time.
Never enough time to figure it all out.
Maybe make the maps less complicated, or murdery, or He's going to do whatever he did before.
Right.
It's actually really tragic when you think about it.
He leaves us here, returns to the past, and spends 15 years preparing for this moment.
By all accounts, Spring was a distant father to Lydia, and even more reclusive.
I suppose seeing yourself die might do that to you.
So he never won, never woke up from this dream.
He just ended up trapped and alone forever.
I'm trying to figure out what to do next, though.
Do we try to contact ourselves? I suppose we can't, because we didn't, right? Like if we don't remember it, then it didn't happen, so it's possible, or probable, that we that we If we were to The master key was missing the day of the murder.
I remember now.
It's because I stole my own key.
And the lottery ticket that I lost, I'm the one who found it in the truck in the first place.
Everything happened exactly the way that it did before.
You're a monster.
A monster? Come on, Todd, you're overreacting You knew what was happening before you even met me.
When Dorian died.
When they tried to kill me on the bridge.
When Farah was still being held in that room.
When that FBI guy threatened Amanda You saw what I said to me, that wasn't enough to No, no, no, no, when we were almost crushed to death, and electrocuted, and burned to death, and shot, you knew that we'd end up here I didn't know that, exactly.
I didn't have any context Oh, and when were you gonna share that with me, huh? I just sort of thought that you left things out because you were eccentric, or crazy, or stupid.
But you didn't.
You deliberately hid things from me.
- You lied to me! - I didn't lie.
I-I just didn't tell you the whole truth because I didn't understand it, and You're a liar, and you ruined my life, just to have a friend.
You deserve to be alone, Dirk.
I didn't lie.
I'd think you of all people know what a lie looks like by now.
No, wait, that wasn't what I meant, I'm sorry, I just That wasn't what I meant.
After all this is over, don't ever speak to me again, Dirk.
[.]
Shit.
I hear someone coming.
Get the machine, we've gotta get out of here.
[Rimmer.]
: Hurry up! Come on! They're coming.
Shit, they're coming! We have to go.
Now! They obviously don't catch us, Todd, or they'd remember us in the future from the past, which is currently the present, so Right? What do we do? What are you doing? Well, it worked last time.
No, it didn't! Well, we're not dead! I'll take us back to the Wild West, we can stop all of this before it even began.
Dirk, haven't you been listening to anything? - That won't work! - Get off! No, we are going back to the future to save Lydia Spring! The note with my name had my blood on it, Todd, my blood! I cannot just We're not going back to the Wild West! - Everything is connected! - I hate you! [gasps awake.]
What? Shit! Dammit No catch.
What's next? Break the actuator.
Trunk opens.
Maybe.
[kicking.]
[kicking harder.]
Wait [cocks gun.]
[sighs.]
[firing.]
[gunshots firing.]
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no! Fred, get the hell out there, see what that is! [.]
Run! Kill them.
Where are you going? I'm going to check on Rapunzel! - What's the plan? - Come on, grab hold! [breathing hard.]
No, wait I can [muttering.]
Like getting born again.
Getting born through this! [barking.]
Rapunzel? How did you Hey.
Oh, no.
Gordon Rimmer? 'Sup? [fires, glass shattering.]
[barking.]
- Put that dog - [Rimmer grunting.]
back in that dog! And that girl Back! In that! Girl! Stop! Stop! Stop When are we? Back where we came from.
Oh, shit.
[pounding on door.]
Oh Dirk! [electricity crackles.]