Dirty Jobs (2005) s01e33 Episode Script

Monkey Caretaker

1 My name is Mike rowe.
My name is Mike rowe.
My name is Mike rowe And this is my job.
I explore the country looking for people who aren't afraid to get dirty The only defense an alpaca really has is their spitting.
Hardworking men and women who earn an honest living doing the kinds of jobs that make civilized life possible for the rest of us.
I think I got her stuck.
Now, get ready to get dirty.
[ Screeching .]
Coming up on "dirty jobs," I travel to South Africa to go diving with sharks.
The animals I really need to worry about down here aren't in the water.
Monkeys.
They're cute.
I'm at a rehab center for sick and injured monkeys.
Dawn: They're just my lame and lazy, being blind, some of them.
All right, you got lazy monkeys and blind monkeys.
You got any deaf ones? It's run by dawn and her fiancé, Rodney How long have you been engaged? 23 years.
Though it's actually the inmates running this asylum You have monkeys in your house, dawn.
Specifically, one perturbed primate named Patty.
Why does the monkey hate me, Rodney? I don't think it's anything personal.
Dawn: They just want a full tummy and to be able to live in peace and play.
That's all I want, except this one just peed on me a little.
This time on "dirty jobs," there's a different odor in the air We're all gonna die.
The smell of fear.
I think I'm connecting with them.
Can you feel the love in the air? Captions by vitac captions paid for by discovery communications Alistair Cooke was a famous author who used to host a program called "masterpiece theater.
" He would sit in a leather chair like this one and tell stories about classic literature.
Well, I don't have any classic literature for you, but I do have this chair, and I do have a story.
My crew and I were in South Africa to tape a segment for the discovery channel's "shark week.
" We had everything we needed A boat, an underwater camera, and shark-tracking sonar.
Man: Seen anything yet? I see a large, green animal, square-shaped It's coming right at me.
Everything, that is, except sharks.
It was going to be a few days before we could try again, and we needed something to do in the meantime.
We found it at the animal protection and environmental sanctuary, or apes, in a rural area of kwa-zulu natal province.
The dirty job was feeding and cleaning up after sick and injured vervet monkeys.
There was an obstacle, though Healthy vervet monkeys One in particular named Patty, who wasn't shy in introducing himself.
Come near me again This stick is called a sjambok in zulu, and down here, there's a very good reason to carry one around.
Monkeys.
They're cute.
The trouble started as soon as we arrived.
Apes is in a remote area, even by the standards of "dirty jobs.
" That meant we were going to be staying overnight, so we had more gear than usual to unload.
All right, let's go.
Well, we're off to a very strange start here at the monkey rehab center.
We just showed up, and we're trying to unload.
I've already been attacked by a monkey called Patty.
They come out of nowhere.
They come flying off the roof and through the trees, bounce right off your head.
Poor Dave here you know, he's unscathed as of yet, but it's only a matter of time.
Little Georgia, she had one bounce right off her head not too long ago.
[ Screeching .]
Oh, I'm sorry.
We're all gonna die.
Are you all right? Everybody sort of just walking around looking over their shoulder.
There's Chris, our cameraman.
Actually, he's an audio guy, but with a camera now, I think that makes him a cameraman.
This is one of the friendlier monkeys up here.
Now, as I say that, I'm sure it's only a matter of time till he leaps down and pulls my larynx out.
Anyway, we're here because these monkeys are in desperate need of help.
They need to be rehabilitated.
[ Chuckles .]
That's a good one, isn't it? [ Screeching .]
There he is, Patty, right there.
He's got us pinned in here like soldiers.
Later that evening, Chris met up with Patty Big time.
[ Screeching .]
Wow.
Yeah, this will take your finger off there.
Man: What is that, Chris? It's a monkey bite.
What happened? Rowe: We haven't even started shooting yet.
Monkey, three.
Crew, nothing.
One here.
Georgia's head.
And they just keep getting worse.
We haven't even started shooting.
These monkeys are killer.
This is the shower, except there's no shower in it.
This is a sink.
Not bad.
Water comes right out of the river.
Doesn't look bad, but one swallow, you'll be [bleep.]
for a week.
We're not staying here tomorrow night, so we need to have a hotel.
With three crew members down and who knows how many to go, Dave was on the satellite phone, plotting our escape from the monkeys.
It's a gnarly gash.
What the hell are we doing? It's really hot in here.
How come I only have this for a blanket? You're lying on your sheets, genius.
What the hell is this? It's all the rage in Africa.
They put the sheets on the mattress and then the primate gets between them.
There you go.
There you go.
All tucked in.
Man: Don't bite anybody.
Georgia's head is scabbed up, my face is still bleeding, and Chris is probably gonna lose a frigging leg.
We're only We haven't even shot yet.
[ Cellphone ringing .]
Oh, who could that be? Hey, Eddie, how you doing? This will be good.
Uh, he's sleeping now.
He's all right.
Yeah, it's a pretty bad gash.
He's going to need to see a doctor, but we'll get through tonight.
I mean, there's no sense in going out on the roads right now.
It's dangerous.
Yeah, we're going to shoot tomorrow.
Oh, that we're going to get hurt tomorrow? Hold on one second.
Dave will talk to you.
Dude, we're all gonna die.
[ Laughter .]
There's only one that This is weird.
There's only one that's bad, and it's that one.
Oh, the biter.
His name is Patty.
Like his name matters.
"We call him Patty.
It's important.
" No, I think we'll be all right.
You know, I can't guarantee anything, but We're not gonna be all right.
I'm more worried about Mike falling on top of me since he's on the top bunk.
You should be, dude.
It's pretty crazy.
Good night, everyone.
Good night, everybody.
[ High-pitched .]
Good night, never-never land.
[ Chuckling .]
Good morning.
Welcome to the bunk house at apes.
Rise and shine, boys.
Dave barsky, Doug glover, Adam Bradley.
We're all here hanging out in the middle of South Africa at a primate sanctuary.
"Apes," I think, stands for animal It doesn't matter what it stands for.
The situation right now is interesting.
We've been here through the night.
We're pinned down at the moment by a very cranky monkey named Patty who's on the loose.
He already scratched me open right here, did something unspeakable to our sound man's leg bit him.
This is gonna be an interesting day.
We're gonna learn a lot about taking care of monkeys.
We're gonna learn a lot about running from monkeys.
There's a monkey Look at this.
Right on that's dawn.
Dawn runs the place.
And that, I believe, is the angry monkey.
So, who knows what today is going to bring? A little adventure, a little fear And definitely a dirty job.
Dawn: Come on, it's time to feed.
Start shooting the show, but we can't because we're trapped in the bunkhouse on account of the crazy killer monkey is running amok on the grounds and we're all scared to leave.
There.
Look, you can see Dave.
He made it over.
He ran like crazy, barely made it in.
That wicked little simian went bouncing off the door right behind him, so that's how it stands right now.
We got one director, we got one camerawoman stuck over there, and three grown men stuck over here All of us combined just horrified over a single monkey.
Oh, stupid monkey.
Rowe: Watch it.
Heads up, guys.
That's him right there.
Come on, that's it.
Good grief, woman.
There are monkeys everywhere.
You know that, right? Well, what the hell do you think? You're in a monkey sanctuary, damn it.
Come on.
Well, that's dawn.
We're gonna go feed some babies now.
Things happen very quickly in the early morning.
Come.
I expected to be feeding baby monkeys in cages But no.
Why are there monkeys here in general? Because these are all orphans, and you find, in Africa, generally, they take monkeys, and the indigenous people take them, catch them, kill the mother.
Or some eat the mother.
And the other little tinies are then taken and they're sold If they're lucky.
Then others are knocked down by cars when they're crossing roads, and the babies are taken.
And as you can see, these little ones are quite endearing.
This is an absolute tragic soap opera you've got going on here.
It is a tragedy for us.
They're getting eaten.
They're getting run over.
Well, here's what I want to try and understand.
I want to understand my role here today and my crew's role, right, because it's like the monkeys are running the asylum.
They're free and we're caged, yes.
Yeah, look we're in the cage.
Yeah, because I don't want the big ones.
I don't encourage the big ones.
Come.
Now, you watch.
There you go.
That's a good boy.
You have monkeys in your house, dawn.
Well, really, we used to be at a place where they had their own private sort of rooms, if you like.
But unfortunately, here, this is not our own home.
It belongs to the people of the valley.
They kindly let us use it.
The people of the valley? The African people.
They put us in here to caretake the house.
So, they like they approve of the work you're doing here with the monkeys? Yeah.
Yeah.
My name to them is umama.
I used to be called umama inkawu, which means "mother monkey.
" Mother monkey got promoted when I went to a place called ixobo.
Say it pronounce it again.
Ixobo.
The "x" becomes a [clicks tongue.]
[ Clicks tongue .]
Yeah, ixobo.
[ Chokes .]
Excuse him, he can't help it.
Ixobo.
Ixobo.
My new name is called "indlovu," which means "elephant.
" It's a zulu tribal name.
Okay, hold, hold, hold, hold, hold.
Are you zulu? Well, the people tell me I am.
I have the white skin, but I'm zulu inside.
Okay.
You're zulu inside.
And I'm a sangoma, as well.
And what? A sangoma.
They're witch doctors or witches, but I'm not, please note.
No.
Watch, I might turn you into a toad.
[ Laughs .]
Worse things have happened to me.
No, but like human babies, they also have tempers.
They're temperamental.
Yeah, I noticed that, Patty in particular.
You got one monkey here who's kind of on a rampage.
You know that, right? Well, he's more human than anybody else.
That's the trouble.
That is the trouble.
He's kept the human traits more than anybody.
That's the one that got me last night.
What got you last night? Why does he hate me so much? He doesn't hate you, love.
No, he hates me.
No, he doesn't.
He's actually very loving.
Did you see those loving teeth right there? Look at those loving teeth.
They're little compared to some of them.
Well, the tragedy here with us is he won't hurt you.
Just sit very quiet.
He'll probably come sit on you.
The tragedy here is that I haven't got the facilities to have their own place, which I had at the other place where they had their own area, their own room.
So, we got two little ones in here, and they're kind of cute and they're running around.
We got that guy out there who doesn't like me at all, and there are, what, a dozen more like him, maybe more? There's 22.
And he's now threatening you.
That's a threatening pose? [ Laughs .]
So, give me some tips as I go through your day with you.
Well, there's a lot of tips and hints with monks.
A lot of people mimic the monkeys, but when he does this at you, he's warning you.
Mm-hmm.
You don't try and touch them.
Don't scream.
Their hearing is incredibly acute.
Also, another thing, you never smile showing your teeth.
When they threaten, they go They show you how big their fangs are.
Right.
Okay.
And that's when you're smiling, you're now saying, "look, I've got bigger fangs than you've got.
" Right.
No, I don't want to send the wrong message.
All right, don't mimic, don't talk too loud.
Yeah, and don't stare like this at them, because eye contact is another body language of the ape.
Don't look them in the eye, don't smile, don't talk loud, and don't mimic them.
Just those four, or are there more? That's it.
This is the dining room off the lounge.
This would be the kitchen, and these are all the volunteers.
That's bidna and Sammy, and this is Rodney.
Good morning, sir.
Who didn't volunteer.
Who didn't volunteer.
He lives here, right? At least that's what he told me.
Okay, this you do not touch.
That is my lame and lazy.
They have a special way, because being blind, some of them What? Lame and lazy? Because the ones that sometimes come back injured and they don't want to We put them in there to heal and they don't want to leave, so they're the lazy bees.
All right, you got lazy monkeys and blind monkeys together out there somewhere.
Not at the moment.
We've only got our blind monks in the lame and lazy cage.
You got any deaf ones? No.
That's the problem with Patty.
He doesn't listen.
Okay.
Doesn't listen.
All this here, they get a variety.
It's very, very important.
It's all donated fruit.
If you could just clearly instruct me as to which piece of fruit to start mangling.
Twice a day, several days a week.
All right.
You do want me to touch this one, okay.
All right.
This weekend, we need to get food for the monkeys without tails.
That I had to get in.
Without toes? Tails.
Why don't the monkeys have tails? Now, look.
Please note.
You basically boss everybody around, don't you? I have to.
I'm the Alpha female I have told you.
She's the Alpha female, and you're the subordinate male? Now, you You don't touch them.
No comment.
That's you cut from here.
Okay, now, watch what Rodney Really go slowly.
Please, I'll ask you Don't touch this one.
I'll do this one.
Of course, it's the lame and lazies.
It looks a lot like this one.
Yeah, but there's a way of cutting it.
All right.
You're standing there You told me to cut it, and then you told me not to touch it.
I don't know how do I cut it without touching it? Darling, I've moved the dishes.
Stop being awkward.
Otherwise, I'll start chopping you up.
You want it big enough.
Don't cut your hand.
Do not cut it too small, because it's wasted.
And that's it.
You'd think that putting fruit in some dishes would be fairly straightforward.
How many have you done, Mike? Well, counting this one, none.
Okay.
But vervet monkeys normally forage in the wild for their meals.
Eating table food can be harmful, even fatal to them, unless it's properly selected and prepared, which is why making dinner for the residents of a monkey sanctuary takes a long time.
You'll be more familiar with it after 15 years.
So you've been with her the whole time with the monkeys.
Yeah, we've been together No one's talking to you now, dawn, for god's sakes.
I'm talking to Rodney.
Tell him why we're still engaged, dear.
I don't understand what she said.
What did she say? Slim Gage? What is that? Still engaged.
Still engaged.
We are officially engaged, although dawn doesn't wear her ring.
We're an item.
How long have you been engaged? 23 years.
Still just working it out.
There's no proof because at one stage, we were breeding pigs.
No, we weren't.
And one of the pigs ate the engagement ring.
That old story.
There's an omen there somewhere.
We won't go into that It's sordid.
Am I supposed to be cutting this with the peel on it? Yes.
No.
No? Well, yes, no.
See, that's a mixed message.
I'm a woman.
I'm allowed.
23 years of this? Yes, would you believe it? Think I do.
Do I not deserve a medal? How many times you been bit by a monkey? Me? I've lost count, my son.
When you see my legs Which I wear shorts later when it's hot Sweet.
And no rude remarks about these chewed-up legs, arms.
Well, what about your arms? Let's just talk about your arms for a second.
Okay.
Where did you get that? That one He was playing with me.
Who? Patty.
Patty.
Yeah.
And this right here? That one there was the main female because I was ignoring her.
Great.
That finger was hanging off in bits, but it's stuck back.
What about you? Oh, yeah.
That's not a monkey scar.
That's a pig.
Rodney: No, that's a pig.
He got you there? But that's a monkey.
Oh! [ Laughs .]
Not Patty.
That's a week old.
And that was him trying to protect Rodney from people that arrived here and were screaming at Rodney.
Kept on [imitating monkey.]
at him, and he wouldn't listen.
Like that.
Do it again.
[ Imitates monkey .]
[ Imitates monkey .]
Yeah, there you are.
Well done.
So, the job here, dawn, is what? It's sorting the good fruit from the rotten fruit and taking out the useless stuff as stalks and things.
Rowe: Right, because we're preparing food now for the big, healthy, non-lame, non-handicapped monkeys.
This is for every monkey that is on the premises.
It's donated.
It's really precious because we can't always get it.
Mm-hmm.
And it's only because he is You are in his territory, as far as he's concerned.
Yeah.
I've got Mr.
Wonderful here to watch me.
A lot of people are watching right now, and they're thinking, "now, here's this well-intentioned woman "who cares about the monkeys.
"She says they're wild animals, but she brings them in her house.
"She says we shouldn't treat them like pets, but she nurses them from a bottle.
" You can see where the uninitiated might be getting a mixed message.
Well, if they're getting a mixed message, the babies that we get, their mothers have been destroyed, and if we didn't take them in, they would die, okay? Now, what do you say to the people I mean, this sounds heartless, but there are people out there that say, "well, okay, so they die.
I mean, that's the way of things.
" Well, unfortunately, I am one of the people that believe that our children and our children's children and children's children's children deserve a heritage.
It's their heritage.
These monkeys don't belong to me.
They don't belong to the man next door.
They belong to the people The people of Africa.
And before the white man came along with his modern weaponry, there was a heck of a lot more wild animals.
What's this? Spring onions.
They all go in here? Put two in each, love.
Two in each.
Yeah.
Like it matters.
I mean, honestly.
Two, four We already put two in.
Okay.
So, we're gonna put all these together That's right.
And we're off to the lame and mangled cage, or whatever it was.
Lame and lazy.
Just give me a moment.
Somebody hasn't cut up.
Now, this is my lame and lazy dish.
I believe Rodney did that one.
That one goes underneath.
And that one stays and gets put out later for Patty.
[ Screeching .]
Do you want me to carry these? It's fine.
Thank you.
Give me something to do, I beg you.
Take my arm.
[ Laughs .]
All right, now, seriously There.
Take that.
We're going outside with Patty and the other monkeys.
Yeah.
And we got what? I got three camerapeople here and a sound guy with a bad limp.
I'm listening to you.
I'm listening.
All right, I know.
I just want to make sure everybody's okay and we all got each other's back.
Now, you can take a stick.
A sjambok, okay.
All right.
Okay, that one is for you to guard the back.
We're going out.
We're armed.
We got food.
I've got to find the keys.
Uh-oh.
What do you need? Keys? Knife? Okay, let's go.
Okay, you go behind now.
Okay.
Rodney: I'll just guard him.
Come, come.
You just come with us.
Don't walk too close to me.
That's all.
Okay, now, I'm going to Just watch your backs, guys.
Go slower, love.
You walk backwards.
It's easier.
I'll tell you where.
Yeah, okay.
Come on, babies.
There he is right there.
Where? Patty.
Look at him.
Giving me the stink-eye from all the way over there.
Come, babies.
So I'll just stick back a bit so they'll come and eat, and then you can come into the cage.
Okay.
[ High-pitched .]
Come on! Do they like it when you screech that high? [ Normal voice .]
I have to because some of them are far away.
Come, babies! Dogs, get.
Now, why are the dogs out? Okay, just be very careful, you two.
You've got to keep your eye on him.
Never mind the camera crew.
Never mind who? What? I said, "never mind the camera crew.
They must watch them.
" Are you talking to Rodney or me? Not you.
Not you.
Come on.
Come, come.
See, you can see what these two are doing.
This is very interesting.
They're keeping Patty at bay while dawn here yells at me.
[ Laughs .]
[ Laughs .]
All right, we're in the monkey cage.
Just bring this one guy here.
Okay, come in.
Come in.
Just come on, boy.
Okay? Come, baby.
It's all right.
It's all right.
It's all right.
It's all right, lovey.
Nobody's going to hurt you.
Come.
Come, come.
Come here.
May-may.
May-may.
All they want is, you'll see today, where they're playing and whatnot, they just want a full tummy and to be able to live in peace and play.
That is their life.
That's all I want, except this one just peed on me a little.
They're very rude.
Barely been introduced.
Peed all over me.
Just ignore her.
Ignore her totally.
Nothing to see here, just a peeing monkey.
So, may-may, now, she came to us, and we thought we were going to lose her.
She is blind in one eye and nearly blind in the other.
Then you have star, who's a pain in the bum.
That one there, she races around all the time.
She's highly strung.
Just peed on me again.
That's all right.
Don't worry.
It doesn't leave a scent.
She's threatened you.
She's the Alpha female.
Oh.
Yeah.
Come on, girl.
Come, baby.
She's got an Alpha bladder.
[ Chuckles .]
How long does a monkey live? In the wild, 20, maybe.
That will be an exception to the rule.
Are these vervet monkeys? Yes.
Yes.
Rodney will give you the Latin name.
It's a mouthful.
I'll look forward to that.
See, you don't hear me very well because of my two front teeth.
I fell over a dog galloping down.
It was only a matter of time.
And I broke all my teeth, so I had to get two false ones, and I hate it.
They look pretty good, and I can understand every word you say, oh, yeah.
That's what happens when you trip over an Irish wolfhound.
What do I smell? Pee.
I haven't cleaned the cage yet.
This is very disgusting.
But, you know, you cannot clean the cage at its absolutely spotless In, I.
E.
, zoo conditions Because these animals must be able to learn to build up their own antibodies.
Okay.
All of this will be cleaned.
It gets cleaned once a week at least.
Mm-hmm.
I can probably help you out with that.
I've cleaned up pee and poo on several continents.
You now have to take your stick.
Yes.
And I'll move these for you.
Excuse me.
Sure.
Okay.
Standing here like a Christmas ham with nothing to do on my own show.
So, what I'm doing now is i'm raking straw and monkey poo.
We're cleaning up all the rubbish that is left here.
Some of this is wet, unfortunately.
Rodney, just watch very carefully, love.
Okay.
That's it.
Okay, now that's got to be dumped in there.
Naturally.
I hope you appreciate this, you monkeys.
Wait, I've got a bit more to do.
Yeah, I've got to just let the clean water out now.
Just hang on.
I just want to get Watch out.
Look out, avi.
Watch him.
That's avi, our driver.
He'll rip your throat out.
Oh, rubbish! I'm just saying.
He'll tear your face off, anyway, chew through your ankle.
Bite your legs off at the knees.
Monkey poo coming through.
Just empty it? Just empty it out because they come and scatter it around.
Who does? The other monkeys.
Just dump it in a heap.
The monkeys play in their own poo? No, they scratch, looking for food that might have been left behind.
And it also composts the place.
So it all goes back into the earth one way or the other.
Well, this is one way we might be slightly different from the monkey.
I mean, I don't root through my own poo for food.
I hope so.
They don't root for it.
They look.
Oh.
And then they take it and they wipe it clean.
I don't peer into my own poo for food.
Well, I bet you do to see if you've got worms.
Right, come.
I have given it a look.
What are you doing? Getting more grass to the cage.
I don't understand.
Come on, pick it up.
Okay.
We need more grass for where we took the other stuff out.
[ Imitating dawn .]
More grass, right.
[ Normal voice .]
Dawn Has it really come to this? I mean, you're raking grass with a stick? Yeah.
I mean, can't we just go to the hardware store, get you a rake? Well, to tell you the truth, yesterday I was told that certain people were arriving at 2:00.
We could have bought the rake, but we didn't want to be late for them.
I apologize.
My crew is profoundly [ Laughs .]
No offense.
Okay.
All right.
That's it.
Good.
Okay, thank you for that.
All right, I'm tired of monkeys.
What else you got? Like, a baboon or a marmot? Watch above your head.
She's threatening you.
She's the Alpha female.
Don't even look at her.
Just walk straight out.
You said, "watch out," and then you said, "don't look at her.
" Watch she doesn't pull your cap off.
You're taller than me.
There's this mesh thing here that has yet to be stolen.
I'm walking, walking, not looking, not making eye contact, not baring my teeth.
She's gonna spring right at me.
Look at her.
No, she's not.
Yes, she is.
Just don't look at her.
Don't look at her.
Don't look at her.
Just ignore her.
That's my girl.
No, no, this is good TV.
This is where I get mauled.
You're mommy's girl.
Ratings jump through the roof.
Oh, that's Patty.
Come this way, my boy.
Come this way.
All right, see, you got to watch them.
They move just look at this crazy fast.
Come this way over here, and then you can actually film them much better if you go into the shade over here.
Ah, look.
Autumn leaves are falling.
Fall.
Okay, look, guys.
Come over here.
You won't have the light in your lens.
Now she's a director.
Okay.
They'll come down and eat here now.
We're blocking them.
Come on, dogs, inside.
That's you The dogs are a damn nuisance.
And you And you.
Come, dogs.
They'll come down.
They'll gradually come.
They'll come down.
They're very nervous of strangers.
We work for that they not go to everybody in creation.
They are nervous of strangers, and this is what it's got to be.
Bobby! [ Imitating dawn .]
Bobby! Come, Bob.
There's one coming down the tree.
Rodney, come back, please.
Come back, right back.
You know they're not used to you feeding them.
[ Normal voice .]
What is up with that goat? Rodney: That goat's got a He was injured, and we rescued him.
He would have died if we'd left him.
Are you sure it's alive now? From my untrained eye, from this angle, that is one jacked-up goat.
See? Good grief, what happened to this fella? Here there's a massive abscess on the joint, which I'm treating slowly.
And this prevents him from using this leg.
This is a young goat.
Yeah.
Because he was crippled on the road, we picked him up, brought him here.
Although it's not a goat sanctuary, we look after anything that comes our way.
Anything that comes our way.
I mean, Rodney, don't you feel as though everything around here is ideal for an ambush? I mean, we're surrounded.
They own the high ground.
I mean, you've conceded the high ground to the monkeys.
There's only one monkey that will ambush.
That one.
And it's mainly because of a crowd.
He's not used to it.
But all of a sudden, having a whole gardenful of strangers, it's bound to upset him.
But he's the only one that seems pissed off about the whole thing.
He's the only one that's perturbed.
You've seen the reaction of the others.
They don't care whether you're here or not, to be perfectly frank.
No, they don't.
Yeah, that's typically how it is with me wherever I go.
He's nice and calm at the moment, you must admit.
He hasn't bitten anybody all day.
If he gets too close He moves so fast.
It's like greased lightning.
The next thing you know, he's got the high ground, which is a huge advantage, huge advantage.
Look at him.
He knows he's above us and he's got the sun behind him.
It's ingenious.
Yeah, that's what he does right before he bites you.
Rodney: This is our sole source of transport.
Rowe: She's a beaut.
It's 38 years old, a rolling testimony to British engineering.
And you've seen the state of the roads.
I've seen the state of the roads, and I know that the goal is to go collect some nuts.
But before that, we've got what some sort of mechanical issue? The roads shake the hell out of it.
As you can see, it's no spring chicken.
So, this is a simple repair.
Uh-huh.
We just got to put the exhaust back where it used to be.
Let me tell you something.
Nothing's simple here.
Now we have hornets and wasps flying around.
These are wasps and hornets, right? They are wasps and hornets, yes.
That monkey's still giving me the stink-eye, so If it's simple, I believe you.
But I don't really believe you.
Well, what the heck? That's a nut in there? Yeah, that's a nut under all that mud.
Wait a minute Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
But we're south of the equator.
Anticlockwise.
Anticlockwise.
That will allow me to cover your knees in mud.
That was quick and simple.
I love quick and simple.
That was simple.
Door's broke.
I see you watching me.
Hang on, it's a slow starter.
Purrs like a kitten.
Rowe: Well, according to this, we're going zero kilometers per hour.
Yeah.
The truth of the matter is the speedo cable broke about 50,000 miles ago.
Oh.
Who needs a speedometer? So, tell me about the guy we're going to see.
Brian spicardi is the induna.
We're gonna meet spagadi? Spicardi Spicardi.
That's his Christian name inculu.
It's pronounced "inculu," with a click in the "c.
" Right.
Yeah, I can't click.
This part of kwa-zulu natal is not densely populated, but the people who do live here are a tightly knit community.
As you might have noticed, there's not much of an infrastructure.
The residents often depend on one another for basic necessities.
They're mostly indigenous members of the zulu tribe, and foreign visitors are very rare.
So, as a gesture of respect, Rodney was bringing us to meet the local tribal chief to keep him in the loop.
Word travels fast around here, though, even without phones or Internet.
The chief was already expecting us.
Maybe he heard it from the monkeys.
Now, what does He is a zulu chief by definition.
By birth By birth.
Whereas the indunas are by appointment.
He's also a man in his 80s.
I think he's 82 or 83.
He has 10 wives.
Coming up to this area Before it became overgrown, it was used mainly for grazing.
This used to be cotton.
How'd you like to be poked with that? What do they call these, again? Thorn tree acacia.
There you go.
So, this is Brian spicardi's house.
I hope he's in.
Just a little impromptu visit to a zulu chieftain's house.
Should be fun.
Rodney: There you are.
Brian: Morning.
Good morning.
How are you? Fine.
And you? Good.
Brian, I want you to meet the film crew from discovery channel.
How are you, Brian? My name is Mike.
Mike.
It's wonderful to meet you.
That's a zulu handshake.
The double Like this? I didn't even know it.
We are all friends now.
We've got new friends.
We are adding more friends in our family and in our town, so we are very happy.
Well, we love to make friends.
Who's this? It's my younger son.
What's his name? Menzi.
Menzi, I'm Mike.
How are you? Good.
Now we're friends.
Oh, I saw them yesterday.
Nothing happens in this valley unless you know about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hi, how are you? Good.
I'm Mike.
I'm mavis.
It's very nice to meet you.
These are all my friends from the United States.
We've come by just to, you know, hang out, meet some goats, play with some monkeys, say "hey" to the neighbors.
It's very nice.
You are from United States of America.
Yeah, from Hollywood.
From Hollywood.
[ Laughs .]
Yeah, the real jungle.
I've never been there.
We'll hop in Rodney's truck.
We'll be there in five or six years.
[ Laughter .]
Pleasure.
Brian and mavis.
Perfect shake.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
Now we're going to go in now and go to prepare food for this evening.
Go in quickly now, please.
There he is again Mr.
Wonderful.
He's much calmer.
Oh, yeah, positively sedate.
Do monkeys prefer lettuce or cabbage? The monkeys love both.
Okay.
And like us, some have a preference.
One will only eat lettuce, another will only eat cabbage.
So, like us, they have their likes and dislikes.
They're identical to their human cousins.
Well, not identical.
I mean, there is that one chromosome.
Please don't get me on that subject.
Wait, I want to get on that subject.
Are you saying there's no difference? Seriously, seriously, sometimes the monkeys have got far more sense than some humans, really.
I didn't say we were better I just said we were different.
Very different.
They're small and hairy, for instance.
What do you want to do with the grapes? I could tell you very really, but I'm too polite.
Yes, you know what you are? You're the model of decorum.
I am.
I am.
I am.
Where would you like me to shove these grapes? Well, you can leave them in there because they have to be sorted later, the same as that.
For god's sakes, woman, this is We're just trying to feed some monkeys.
I feel like I'm at sardi's or at aquavit or le bec-fin.
You're like a chef.
Every monkey has a special little taste.
They all have their own little proclivities.
What the heck is happening here? There are fruit flies everywhere.
Well, the fruit flies like the fruit.
That's why I have to do the fruit now, because the fruit flies go onto the fruit and make the fruit rotten quicker.
When do the people eat? Do you ever You've just eaten, you hog! Well, I had monkey food.
You did not.
When are we gonna sit down for a proper meal? You had ham and scones, and I offered you a proper meal Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had ham and scones, but I saw you earlier feeding them to the monkeys, too.
The monkeys get the ham and the scones and we get what's left over.
Well, that ham and scone wasn't so good, so the monkey got it instead of you.
You're lucky I didn't give it to you and say, "here, you can have this rotten one.
" You've got a lifestyle here, and I applaud it.
You're up to your neck in rotten fruit and fruit flies.
It's a petting zoo here on the plains of Africa.
Isn't he lovely? A lovely pet, this one.
[ Speaking zulu .]
I did once, but I was drunk.
I was a young man.
I said, "thank you very much, my man.
" Ah, you're welcome.
You're welcome.
And thank you, sweet lass.
[ Speaking zulu .]
That means "liar.
" Hey, Patty.
[ Snarling .]
Yeah, yeah, I think I'm connecting with them.
Can you feel the love in the air? Where is he? See him? So, even though Patty had terrorized every one of us [ Laughter .]
in the end, as we were packing up and preparing to leave, I think we all had to admit, we developed a certain fondness for him.
Man: Just keep backing up.
I'm serious.
Man #2: Where is he? Right behind you.
Rowe: That would be funny.
Just back up.
I'm serious.
Kill the monkey.
Kill that monkey.
Now.
Kill it.
Barsky: When we get closer to the hotel, can we call to let the doctor know? Yeah.
Rowe: Imagine monkeys running around your house just everywhere.
Dude, that was insane.
Dude, hey.
[ Screeches .]
The emotional scars have healed.
Let's see how the physical damage is doing.
Chris, come on in here a sec.
It's been a couple of months since the actual bite, and here we can see that's healing very nicely.
Had some anxious moments there, though, didn't you? Oh, yeah.
You were worried, weren't you? You're telling the girls it's a shark bite, aren't you? All the time.
Yeah, well, look, the boys and I pitched in, got you a little memento from the trip.
All right.
Enjoy.
The rest of the bunch is over there.
Get out of my shot.
Good man.
Chris whiteneck.
Where else on the planet could a man go swimming with sharks and come home with a monkey bite? Only on "dirty jobs.
" You're fired.
About six months ago, I officially ran out of ideas for "dirty jobs.
" The only reason we're still on the air is because you people keep going to discovery.
Com/dirtyjobs and suggesting more ideas, so thanks a lot.
Yum-yum.
Ooh, look, it's ham.
Come on, you like ham.
It's ham! Don't make me come out there and force-feed you ham.
Come on, this is our big finish.
Patty, hey, come on.
It's how we say goodbye.
Come get the ham.
Just come and get the ham.
It's ham.
That's it.
See, he only responds when I talk angry to him.
It's ham! That's not Patty.
Oh, that's not Patty? Oh, no wonder.
Here comes Patty.
No, it's not.
That's the Alpha female.
Be careful.
The Alpha female.
What kind of advice is that? My name's Mike rowe, and I've put a pig on a pedestal.
Why? Because even though he works in the dirt, this noble creature is the embodiment of hard work, self-sacrifice, and a good-natured willingness to get the job done, no matter how dirty.
Day after day, he goes about his business without complaint.
And night after night, he brings home the bacon.
[ Pig snorts .]
I am sorry I said that.
What's on your pedestal?