Disenchantment (2018) s02e06 Episode Script

Last Splash

1 Hey! What did you just do, Bean? Ugh! Everything is either trying to kill me or kiss me.
Oh, okay.
Let's stop bragging.
- We gotta get out of here fast.
- Laughing Horse! Where are you? Ugh.
He's too far away.
Good, I'm not really in the mood for Laughing Horse.
- Mora! Wait, Bean! - Who's Mora? She's this beautiful mermaid, but she's kinda sassy for a fish and she has a super annoying voice.
Wait, so do I.
Oh, my God.
We gotta go back and get her out of her tank.
- Hey, Mora! - Oh, Elfo! Good thing you brought a stronger friend.
What did I tell you? I'm here to free you, but if I smash your face in, I'm not apologizing.
Give me that! Bean, meet Mora.
Mora, Bean.
For a human.
You should see her in a drunken bar fight.
From what I've heard, I'm both obnoxious and amazing.
- Okay.
You can leave now.
- Thanks, guys.
Are you sure you can climb down the ladder with your fins and such? Ow! Bye, Mora.
Oh, no, Bean, they're getting ideas! Oh, no! Run! Quick, in there! No, too scary.
This way.
Okay, they'll never find us in here.
Ow! Elfo, where are you? I'm right in front of you, stupid! Ow! Ow! Ow! All right, smart guy, I'm standing right here.
You come to me.
Ow! Just, you come here.
All right, but don't try any of that funny Ow! I'm not… I'm standing still.
No, you're doing something to make Ow! Okay, it's this one.
It's right here.
Ow! Damn it! Oh, no! Run! Ow! Elfo, over here.
No, not here, there.
No, your other there.
Come on! Okay, now lure it over.
Oh, no! No, that's not it.
All right, take two.
Oh, no.
I am trapped in here with no way out.
- How was that, Bean? - B+.
Yes! Stience defeated! Chalk one up for ignorance! - Elfo, there's nothing there! - I have to see for myself.
You were right.
Okay, I got this.
How different can a ship-ship be from an airship-ship? That can't be good.
What about that button over there? Let me move these levers out of the way.
- Ooh! - Whoa! Bean, don't toot.
Yes, Bean.
Don't toot.
Alva! Bean, I'm speaking to you now through Boat-a-Vision, my latest invention, to beg you not to leave.
I can't hear you.
I have a hammer in my hand.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'm also sorry you broke the screen.
That was an expensive prototype.
But please listen.
If we work together… …both our kingdoms will prosper… I've got a lot of speakers, but there's only one of you, Bean.
And together, we can reinvent the world! You can't outrun the future, Bean.
Elfo, the lamps! What? Mora! Thanks, dude.
Man, that water is nasty.
There's a lot of amusement park vomit in there.
We're headed back to Dreamland.
You want a ride? I'm good.
I can swim home… once I… catch my breath.
Give me a week or two.
Oh, Edith.
At least I have this one card to remember you by.
" But now all my dreams are dead.
Oh, Elfo, are you seasick? Worse, I'm lovesick.
- You'd never understand.
- Try me.
It's about loneliness and uncertainty and beauty and love and risk and passion.
And then, it all ends in rejection and agony and tragedy and heartbreak.
Every goddamn time! Wow.
I've never been heartbroken like that.
Here, drink this coffee.
It's been boiling for hours.
What the… I'll be fine.
I'm an elf, I bounce.
Boing, boing.
Elfo's in some kind of mood.
Ugh! You know, I have seen a lot of freak show romances, and they never end well.
Some crazy threesomes, though.
I guess Elfo's always gonna be my little man of mystery.
I've got so much love and nobody to give it to.
Ow! Oh.
Did you just smack me on the bum-bum? I hope that doesn't happen again.
I said, I hope it doesn't happen again.
Ow! That was too hard.
So how'd you end up in a fish tank? You know the story.
Young, wide-eyed mermaid sets out from home, leaves everything with the dream of seeing her name in lights.
Where did I go? Yeah, the one place that has lights.
Anyway, apparently, I'm not film-friendly or… friendly.
So I ended up doing cartoon voice work, and I'm happy for the gig and all, but it's not the most fulfilling.
"Hi, Bean! I'm Squalid Squirrel!" Ugh.
Don't ever do that again.
I feel so stupid.
I was swimming around, being like, "I'm gonna be so famous and super rich.
I'm gonna have a yacht!" I shouldn't have told the other mermaids that.
They'll never let me live that down.
I know what you mean.
You unleash one evil queen on a kingdom and that's, like, all you've ever done.
Yee-haw! Battle speed! Um, I'll be right back.
Elfo! Slow down! Wish I could, but I can't.
True love only has one speed and that is "breakneck.
" Right, Missy? - Whoo-hoo! - Whoa! Who the hell is Missy? Miss Adventure.
The name is right there on her ass.
I call her "Missy" for short.
Tell me what drugs you're on so I know what to do when you pass out.
Also, where are the drugs? It's not drugs, silly.
It's pure, uncut love.
And I'm overdosin'! When I die, do not resuscitate.
Also, the drugs are in Missy's tacklebox.
Bow chicka wow wow! Elfo's lost his mind.
Still, that does sound better than sad Elfo.
Is there a stable Elfo that I haven't met yet? Not really.
One time, I rescued him from Hell and he thanked me by being pissy for weeks.
Another time, he got mad at me for making him stand in the garden until my mail-order garden gnome arrived.
I paid him! Wait, no, I didn't.
I mean, I will.
Whatever! And this one time, Elfo got super weird when we were high and, like, I maybe, kinda, maybe kissed him.
Shut up! You're dating Elfo? No.
I mean, I… I've never dated anyone.
Really? I mean, yeah.
No… I'm… Or no, I haven't.
Okay, we're gonna have a talk.
It can't be any worse than the talks I've had inside my own head.
Like, "Hey, Bean, why are you so lonely?" "I don't know, maybe because nobody loves me.
" "Maybe you don't deserve to be loved because that's just not in the cards for you.
" "But maybe it is!" "I don't know.
You know, everyone else has it.
" "Yeah, I've thought about that! Duh!" "What am I, walkin' around, not thinking about anybody?" "I don't know, maybe you are.
" "Well, yeah, maybe.
" "Maybe 'cause you talk to yourself constantly.
" "Who doesn't talk to themselves constantly?" "There's an inner monologue goin' all the time.
" "Nope, that is not the case for everybody else.
No, sirree.
" "Don't call me 'sirree.
'" "I am out there.
" "I don't see you out there.
" "I am so out there! Like, anyone else that sees me is like, 'She's out there.
'" "You're not out there at all.
" "Ugh, I am, like, accessible.
" "What?" "You know what? This is why I just hate talking to you.
" "You have no idea what I'm really saying.
" "I'm trying to say one thing and you interpret it…" "Like, you're not listening.
" "No! You're not listening!" "Uh-uh.
I am so listening!" Hey, Mora.
You're here still.
What? Why are you laughing? You're so weird.
Uh, small issue with the boat, but don't worry, I got a lot of experience with relationships coming to a grinding halt.
Ow! Wait, sorry.
What were we talking about? Oh, wait, yeah, your pathetic love life.
Sorry, yes, continue.
I don't know.
I have done, like, so much with so many people, and, like, kissed, and like… And, like, touched stuff, and, like, moved around, and, like, talked.
- But then why is it not leading to dating? - I don't know.
I haven't done any of those things.
I have kissed a bunch of people and animals.
Hey, Bean, can I ask you a serious question? Why are you wearing just one boot? I can't tell what's broken.
I have no idea what I'm looking at.
I wish all you gals came with a diagram.
Oh, wait, it's upside down.
Take it off, Bean.
I don't know, I love this boot.
We've been through a lot together.
And what if I find my other boot? Hey! Thanks, though.
Damn it! Elfo? Are you okay down there? Oh, sure.
Missy and I are just having a little lovers' spat.
No, that's not what I said.
That's not what I meant.
No, I'm not going to apologize anymore.
No! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Stop looking at me like that! I'm so vulnerable and you're so mean.
Can we just kiss? That always solves everything.
Please! - Elfo? - Yeah? Are you sure you're okay? Totally fine! Why don't I just swim you guys back to Dreamland? Thanks, but I'm not real into drowning.
If you hold my hand, you can breathe underwater.
Really? Hey, Elfo, get up here.
Mora's gonna swim us back to Dreamland.
You two do whatever you want, but I'm not abandoning Missy.
Heartbreak can make you so crazy.
Like, okay, I don't share this often, but, like, a couple years back, I fell deeply in love.
I was so happy.
It was pure bliss.
But then one day, splash! It was over.
I was devastated.
So you know what I did? What? I found a giant piece of soggy driftwood, dragged it up onto the beach.
I let the sun dry it out, and then I whittled it into a life-size copy of her.
Wow! That's beautiful.
And then I chopped it into tiny, little pieces and I burned it.
In a way, you're kind of lucky you've never had a real romance.
Hmm! All I had to do was put a ring on it.
So, how do you know about… What's it called? Astrophysics? Mermaids navigate by the night sky.
Sailors stole that from us.
They actually used to get everywhere by following really long strings.
And you see those dots? They're actually big dots.
Some people call them stars, but that's speculative.
And then that, right there, is a constellation called the Big Flipper.
It's a heavenly mermaid, such as yours truly.
That's her head, that's her hair, that's her waist, and that's her tail.
And that bright pulsing dot right in the middle? That's her heart.
So, do you know what a heart is? Yes, I understand subtext.
Then those four stars that curve up and then that one there? That's her quiver and her arrow.
They say she killed a lot of humans with her fish-bow.
After she died in The Battle of Falling Water, she appeared in the sky to illuminate the way to Mermaid Island, our new homeland.
Oh, my gosh, Bean, look! It's a shooting star.
I didn't see it.
So, you know anything else interesting about the world up there in the dots? Mermaid scientists believe that in the future, ships will carry us up to space.
And someday, a mermaid will set fins on the Moon.
- Hey, where's Mora? - I don't know.
What happened? I woke up and she was gone.
This whole thing feels like a weird dream.
Or scurvy.
When does scurvy kick in? I can't see anything! Elfo, be careful! Stop fretting, we're in the middle of the ocean.
Oh, no.
She's hurt.
And Bean, you, too.
I'll scamper off and get help.
Here come the spins, and I'm not even drunk.
Bean? Bean! Come on! I really shouldn't swim with this head wound.
Maybe that's just your head wound speaking.
Jump in! That was amazing.
Just a sec.
Next time, keep your mouth closed.
I should've mentioned that.
I don't like to open my mouth underwater.
Why'd you come back for me? I left because I didn't want to get hurt again, and I came back because I'll never learn.
Lock up the sangria, Mora's back! Time to face the family.
Mora! Mom! I'm alive.
Don't be mad.
Oh, I thought we lost you.
- So, where have you been? - Away.
- Did the mermaid hunters get ya? - No.
- You bring us anything? - No.
- It better not be a shell bracelet.
- It isn't.
Or shell anything.
I said I didn't bring you anything.
Ladies, let's give Mora some space.
I'm sure she's exhausted from the long swim.
Actually, I'm good.
Uh, my friend gave me a ride most of the way home on her boat.
Boat? You mean… Hey, yeah, uh, human here.
What is that, a foot bone? Oh, I remember you, you're Zøg's daughter.
She's okay, for a drowner.
You must've been desperate to take a ride from a human.
That's enough, Rhonda! My eldest daughter has come home.
Let us celebrate her return and jubilantly proclaim… "We told you so.
" We told you so! We told you so! We told you so! You failed as an actress and as a daughter, but you've come back to Mermaid Island to resume the role you were born to play.
Princess Mora! - Whoo! - Whoo! How come you never told me you're a princess, too? Do you go around broadcasting it? No, of course not.
But I don't know what broadcasting is.
Gee, Bean, you must really like mermaids.
I mean, first Saphyria, now Mora.
What are you talking about? Oh, so I guess Bean didn't tell you about her late-night earlobe-nibbling escapade? Whoa.
There's no slobber in a good lobing, okay? Rhonda, I don't care what Bean did in the past, okay? Stop trying to start trouble.
Come on, Bean.
I want to show you an amazing place you haven't been before.
Is it another beach? Yeah.
I used to come here when I wanted to get away and forget everything.
You guys really need a swim-up bar.
I made something for you.
You have pockets in your fins? It's called a gift bladder for carrying small tokens and stuff.
A little gold sea star.
It's like that big bright dot in the constellation.
Her heart.
I'm not gonna ask where you pulled that from.
Just listen, okay? And don't judge me.
I don't have any walrus accompaniment, so… They say that you're a drowner And we're parted by the sea But I can keep you floating If you just hold on to me I'll keep you safe, I'm on your team And when it feels like just a dream Believe it's true Because I do And someday if there's a war On some not-so-distant shore And lines are drawn I'm never gone This star's your guide And I am always on your side What'd you think? Huh? Bean? Bean! Bean, I tried to get help, but nobody wanted to.
How about a hand here, Bean? Bean? Sorry, I… I just had the craziest dream.
It's great that you got some rest, 'cause I need your help.
Okay, Missy.
Push! Come on.
No, Missy! No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No! No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No! No! She's gone.
I'm sorry, Elfo.
It's okay, Bean.
There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
But none like her.

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