Doctor Who s02e10 Episode Script

Love & Monsters

Doctor! Doctor! Look out! Where's he gone? Have you seen him? There he is.
Stop! No! Watch out! There! There! That's what it did.
It went ROAR! And if you think that was the most exciting day of my life, wait till you hear the rest.
Oh, boy! So there I was, with that thing going ROAR! Here boy, eat the food.
Come on.
Look at the lovely food.
Isn't that nice? Yes, it is! Get out of here, quickly! Who would like a porkie choppie, then? I said, "RUN!" Wrong one! You've made it worse! You said, "Blue!" I said NOT blue! Hold on.
Ahhh! Aaagh! Aaagh! Hold on.
Don't I know you? You can't imagine it.
The Doctor's machine.
The most beautiful sound in the world.
That wasn't the first time I met the Doctor and it certainly wasn't the last.
Oh, no! I just put that bit at the beginning because it's a brilliant opening.
This is the story of me and my encounters with alien life forms.
But be warned! Because it is gonna get sca-a-ary.
I need a remote control zoom.
I'm having to do that with the lean, sca-a-a-ary.
But look, don't worry, cos it's not just me sitting here talking.
Oh, no.
That's Ursula on camera.
Hello! My good friend, Ursula Blake.
On my brand new camera.
That was my family home, down there.
I did try, but there's two women live there now.
They're a bit severe.
Never mind, but that's where it all started.
Cos that's when I first met the Doctor.
What was it, I must've been three or four years old.
Middle of the night I went downstairs and there was thisman.
What happened? Elton? Tell me.
Why was he there? I dunno.
Still don't know.
All those years ago.
OK! First things first.
My name is Elton, not to be confused with I left school.
I got a job, transport manager for Rita Logistics, modest little haulage company, perfectly normal life, and then it all went mad! Two years ago, I was in town.
I was stocking up, nothing special, all the usual stuff.
When all of a sudden Shop window dummies! Come to life! I survived Obviously.
Twelve months later, I'm back in town, looking for a new suit, when I hear this plane overhead.
But it wasn't over yet! Cos then, Christmas Day I'm in bed, fast asleep, nice and cosy, when all of a sudden Like, ptscccchhhh! I'm stuck in bed cos there's glass everywhere and I was barefoot.
I had to invent this rudimentary pulley system just to reach my boots and by the time I'd done that that's when it all started happening.
That's how I met Ursula.
His name is the Doctor.
That's how I met Victor Kennedy.
You stupid man! That's how I met Jackie Tyler.
You don't meet many Elton's.
And that's how I finally met the Doctor and realised the truth.
I should say, this isn't my whole life - it's not all spaceships and stuff.
Cos I'm into all sorts of things.
I like football.
I like a drink.
I like Spain.
And if there's one thing I really, really love, then it's Jeff Lynne and the Electric Light Orchestra.
Cos you can't beat a bit of ELO.
# The sun is shining in the sky # There ain't a cloud in sight # It's stopped raining # Everybody's in the play # And don't you know it's a beautiful day # Hey, hey, hey # So! Great big spaceship hanging over London, imagine the theories! The internet went into meltdown! But I kept on digging.
Something was going on.
Oh, yes! And then one day, on some obscure little blog by someone called Ursula Blake, it was like a chance in a million.
'It was him.
It was that man again, but the photo was new, it was taken on Christmas Day.
'But Christmas just gone and he looked exactly the same.
' His name is the Doctor.
Doctor what? That's all anyone knows.
But Christmas Day, I was taking photos all over the place.
I went mad with it all, spaceships and lasers and everything.
We all went to Trafalgar Square that night, cos everyone was celebrating, just being alive.
I snapped him in passing, that's all.
He was just some bloke.
I didn't realise he was significant, until Mr Skinner pointed it out.
Who's Mr Skinner? Oh, there's a few of us.
The inner sanctum.
All studying this Doctor.
I've seen him, the Doctor, I swear to you.
I saw him when I was a kid.
He was in my house and he was downstairs.
Don't tell me.
He looked exactly the same then as he does now.
Yes! Yes! Oh, my God, you believe me! 'So that's how I met Ursula.
All thanks to the Doctor.
'Turns out we read all the same sites and she only lived half a mile away.
She was like a proper mate.
Poor Ursula.
' But like she said, there was this little community, the select few, all with their stories of the Doctor.
'This little gang used to meet up, underneath the old library on Maccateer Street.
'Mr Skinner, first name Colin, but we always called him Mr Skinner.
'I don't know why, we just did.
' To me, the Doctor isn't a man, he's more a collection of archetypes 'Then there was Bridget.
' All these different Doctors come and go, but the single constant factor is this faux-police box.
It keeps cropping up, throughout history.
'She lived way up north but she travelled down just for the meetings.
'Then there was Bliss' What I'm trying to do, is sum up the Doctor, what he means to us.
'She was ever so sweet, Bliss.
'"Bless Bliss," we used to say.
' What he could represent and what he should represent and what he never won't represent, sort of thing.
We should have a name.
You know, as a group.
Names are very important.
What we need is a good, strong name, like a team, something like London Investigation 'n' Detective Agency.
LINDA for short.
Say it again? London Investigation 'n' Detective Agency.
'N'? Fish 'n' chips! Rock 'n' roll! Chakademus 'n' Pliers! LINDA! Oh, I like it, it's not too solemn! I like the 'N'! We're the men from LINDA! And the women! LINDA united! Did you think of that on the spot? No, I've wanted to use it for years.
I give you, LINDA! LINDA! So we'd all meet up, every week.
We'd talk about the Doctor for a bit, but after a while, Bridget started cooking.
Oh, my God, that's gorgeous! No, really.
Wow! Oh, rest of you, get your hands off! 'Next thing you know, Mr Skinner started his readings, cos he was writing his own novel.
' "That's the last time you ride the Ghost Train, Johnny Franzetta, now say your prayers!" To be continued.
No-o-o-o! 'Time went on, we got to know each other better and better.
' I only started all this because my daughter disappeared.
But it wasn't aliens that took her away.
It was just drugs.
I come down to London every week and I just keep looking for her.
Oh, Bridget # I gave my love a chicken # It had no bone # I gave my love a cherry # It had no stone # # I've got a brand new pair of roller-skates # You've got a brand-new key # 'Then it turned out that Bridget could play the piano and I confessed my love of ELO.
Next thing you know, musical LINDA! # You got me running going out of my mind # You got me thinking that I'm wasting my time # Don't bring me down # Just for fun.
# Don't bring me down # Your go.
Grooves! Your go.
Now, careful, mind the cables.
'And that's when it all changed.
'That Tuesday night in March.
'That's when he arrived.
' Lights.
'That's when we met Victor Kennedy and the Golden Age was gone.
' So, we meet at last.
"LINDA".
Pleased to meet you, sir.
I'm sorry, was the music too loud? No, no, no, I don't shake hands.
Back, back.
I suffer from a skin complaint.
Ex-ee-ma.
Oh, you mean Eczema.
Oh, this is worse, much worse, I blister to the touch.
Back, back, all of you further, further.
Thank you.
Sorry, don't mind me asking, but who are you? I am your salvation.
That's the Doctor.
That's really him.
You've forgotten your purpose in life.
You with your band and your cakes and your blubbing and all the while he still exists.
The Doctor.
Look at him.
Just look! Move back! Move back all of you.
Wait for this bit.
The picture cuts out but the sound continues.
Listen.
Just listen.
Listen to the sound of the universe.
That's What is it? What's wrong? Leave him! You've heard it before, haven't you? When? When was it? Where? Where were you? I'd forgotten till now.
But it was that night.
What night? I was just a kid.
That's why I went downstairs.
It woke me up.
That noise But what is it? What does it mean? That is the sound of his spaceship.
Right then! Homework! Using the Torchwood files, we can look at the old databases in a completely new light.
We are able to build up a more detailed profile of the Doctor.
I've allocated tasks to each of you.
I'd like you to Careful! Watch the ex-ee-ma! I would like you to complete your targets.
We'll meet back here this time next week, one step closer to catching the Doctor.
Well, don't just sit there! Move! Um, Bliss.
It is Bliss, isn't it? Yes.
Could I have a word with you in private, please? Course you can, yeah.
Thank you.
Goodbye, goodbye.
Better get to work.
Lots to do.
I never thought of it as work.
It's what we always wanted, though - to find the Doctor.
Yeah, I suppose.
All of a sudden, without anyone saying so, we were working for Victor Kennedy.
'And we had to admit, he was right, his methods were much more rigorous.
'It felt like we were getting closer and closer to the Doctor.
' Mr Kennedy? Yes.
We were wondering No sign of Bliss, do you know where she is? Yes.
Didn't she tell you? She's getting married.
She left a message.
It'll never last.
Stupid girl.
Come on, back to work! But we did get lucky once.
A police box, newly-arrived It says newly arrived today in Woolwich.
Well, don't just stand there! Move! Move! Go! Go! But don't get excited.
That's where you came in.
Woolwich, police box, red bucket, blue bucket, me so stupid, etc Useless! I just froze! You met him and you froze?! You stupid man! You can't hit me cos you don't touch, you said so.
I can use this! Use that cane on him and you'll get one hell of a smack off me! And then a good kick.
Is that completely understood, Mr Kennedy? Duly noted.
Ursula Blake, most likely to fight back.
Right then! We'll change tack.
We'll approach this sideways.
If we're to discover the truth about the Doctor, then we should try to findher.
When it comes to the Doctor's companion, the Torchwood files are strangely lacking.
It seems the evidence has been corrupted, something called Bad Wolf virus.
At least we've got these photographs.
They're first-hand evidence Elton? Oh, it was a London accent, definitely, she's from London.
So we hit the streets.
We get out there.
We take the photograph.
Someone's got to know who she is.
Somewhere.
Yes, but London's a big place.
I should know - my own daughter's out there.
Bridget, don't make this personal.
I don't like to be touched literally or metaphorically.
I haven't got the time.
Find me that girl! Go! Now! Move! 'And so it began.
The impossible task - 'to scour the mean streets.
'To search a major capital city for an unknown girl.
To hunt down that face in a seething metropolis of lost souls, 'to find that one girl in ten million.
' Oh, that's Rose Tyler, she lives just down there, Bucknall House, number 48, her mother's Jackie Tyler.
Nice family, bit odd.
# Don't you know it's a beautiful new day # Hey, hey, hey # Oi! Jackie! Hello, sweetheart! I'll see you down the Spinning Wheel tonight, yeah? Pub quiz.
Get 'em in! 'I'd been trained for this.
'Victor Kennedy's classes covered basic surveillance and espionage.
'Step one, engage your target.
'Find some excuse to start a conversation.
'But how was I gonna do this?' 'Scuse me, you couldn't give us quid for two fifties, could you? Yeah.
Ta-dah! Lovely, cheers.
'Step Two, without provoking suspicion, get on 'first-name terms with the target.
' My name's Jackie, by the way.
Um! Elton.
Oh, you don't meet many Eltons, do you? Apart from the obvious.
'Step three, ingratiate yourself with a joke or some humorous device.
' I tell you what, Elton, here we are, complete strangers and I'm flashing you my knickers! 'Step four, find some subtle way to integrate yourself into the target's household.
' Mind you, I'm only down here cos my washing machine's knackered.
I don't suppose you're any good at fixing things, are you? There we are, it was the fuse! Nothing wrong with the machine, that's fine, all working.
Oh, Elton, I should have you on tap! I used to have this little mate called Mickey, he did all that stuff.
He's gone now, bless him.
Well, if you need me, give us a call, I'll jot down my number.
You do that, and I'll make us a cup of tea, go and sit down.
Put the telly on if you want, I can't bear it silent.
It's just me, these days, rattling about.
There's my daughter, but she's gone travelling.
I keep her bedroom all nice and ready though, just in case she comes back.
And her name is? Rose.
That's a nice name - Rose.
So, where is she travelling? All over.
She's got her mobile, I get a call, now and then.
Not as often as I'd like.
Still - that age, who can be bothered phoning home? Who's she with, is it mates, or? Just mates.
Well, if I had you, making a nice cuppa tea like this, I wouldn't stray far from home.
You're a charmer.
Say it again! Magnificent! Oh, I could kiss you, except I can't.
The ex-ee-ma! I even got a picture of her on my phone.
That's amazing.
You've achieved Steps 1-4 in precise order, how did you manage it? Oh, I had to work hard.
She keeps everything very close to her chest.
That's hell of a chest.
But how do you move on? Step five, that's the problem.
Step Five.
This week's homework! I want a full plan of attack from each of you! Now go on! Vamoose! Avanti! There's work to do! And Elton, keep infiltrating! You will do anything to get that information, boy, anything! Yes, sir Oh, oh, Bridget Bridget? Oh, yes.
Could I have a word with you in private? Um.
Mr Skinner's giving me a lift.
I can drop you to the station.
I'm sure Mr Skinner won't mind? Not at all.
Bridget, I'll see you next week.
All right, then.
Bye bye.
Now Mr Skinner, I don't mean to pry.
But did you give Bridget a little kiss back there? I think I did.
And, if you get your way, might there be more little kisses between the two of you? I think there might.
I knew it! That's brilliant.
Now don't get excited.
We'll see.
Infiltration went well, cos Jackie kept phoning up, needing this and needing that.
It was strange, the amount of things that needed doing, it's like that flat was jinxed.
It's weird, these fuses keep blowing.
You must be near a sub-station, cos then you get power surges.
Still, there we go, fixed! There we are.
Little reward for my favourite handyman.
Oh, well I shouldn't really, I've got the car outside.
You can always splash out on a taxi, orwhatever.
See what happens.
Right, yeah.
Cheers.
Cheers! Very nice, what's that, French? Suppose so.
They know how to do things, the French.
Is that from Rose? I mean, is she in France? My daughter won't be coming back tonight, just in case you're wondering.
We've got the place to ourselves.
Right.
Nice music.
Il Divo.
Yeah.
You were saying.
Power surges.
From the sub-station, yeah.
Is that why it gets so hot in here? Is it hot? Oh, I think so.
You should take your jacket off.
No, I'm fine.
Oh, look at you, you must be boiling.
Oh, your shirt! Sorry! No, I'm fine, it's all right.
I've ruined it.
No, honestly, it's fine.
Take it off, I'll put it in the wash.
Oh, come on, it's only a little drop.
There now.
Ruined.
And there I was.
The ultimate Step Five! The perfect infiltration.
Target Jackie Tyler.
You're right - it is a bit hot! But it's about to get hotter! I'll see you soon.
All right, be careful.
Bye.
Everything all right? That was my daughter.
Oh, look at you.
I'm sorry.
I was just being stupid.
Is she OK? She's so far away.
I get left here sometimes and I don't know where she is.
Anything could be happening to her, anything.
And I just go a bit mad.
Put your shirt back on.
Where is she? Doesn't matter.
I'm sorry.
You'd better go.
Actually 'And that's when it struck me.
'Funny, the things you think of, with your shirt off.
'But that's when I realised what was really important.
' Never mind about Rose.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And I will put my shirt back on, because I am gonna go out and get us both a pizza.
Cos I reckon you need cheering up.
She goes swanning off and who's left to care about you, eh? So I say, nice bit of pizza, we'll put the telly on nice and loud, we'll annoy that woman next door, just you and me, as proper mates.
Yeah? Mates! Go on, say, "Yes.
" Yes! All of a sudden, a lot of things made sense.
I'd got so lost in conspiracies and aliens and targets, I'd been missing the obvious.
Cos I did like Jackie.
But I liked someone else even more.
# Hey you with the pretty face # Welcome to the human race # A celebration Mr Blue Sky's up there waiting # And today is the day we've waited for # Oh ho-ho # Mr Blue Sky, please tell us why Right.
Let's get inside, then.
The pizza's getting cold.
I went in your coat.
For once in my life, I thought, I'll pay.
I thought, he's such a nice man, he won't accept anything so I'll just slip a tenner in his pocket and look what I found.
A photograph of my daughter.
No, no, no.
It's not like that.
I can explain.
I bet you can.
I wasn't being pervy or anything, I wasn't after her.
I was looking for the Doctor.
Oh, I know that.
I worked that out.
Cos it's never me, is it? No, that's how it started, but I changed my mind.
Let me tell you something about those who get left behind.
Because it's hard and that's what you become.
Hard.
But if there's one thing I've learnt, it's that I will never let her down.
So whatever you want, I'm warning you.
Back off.
But Jackie, I only wanted to meet him.
I thought you liked me.
I do.
Just get out of here! I said get out! And leave me alone! And she was right.
It's shameful.
We used that woman! I knew I couldn't trust you! You broke cover, you stupid little man, you failed Step Five.
I don't care about Step Five! Cos it's all gone wrong, Mr Kennedy, ever since you turned up.
We used to come here, every week and we'd have a laugh.
We were friends.
No wonder they stopped coming, I mean there's no Bliss any more and even Bridget, she hasn't turned up.
I've been phoning and phoning, there's no reply.
Who can blame her? I'm sorry, Victor, but you're on your own.
Cos I'm leaving, and so are you, Mr Skinner.
And as for you, Ursula, you're coming with me and we're going to the Golden Locust and we're gonna have a Chinese! What's that got to do with it? I mean, you and me, together.
Having a meal.
If you want.
Oh, I'd love it! But you can't leave.
You'll never know what he was doing.
You'll never know what he was doing in your house, all those years ago.
No, I'll never know.
Ursula? Get your stuff.
Mr Skinner, are you coming? Not to the Chinese, if you don't mind, just sort of walking out.
I certainly am! Victor.
Good luck.
Goodbye.
Mr Skinner? W-would you stay for a minute, please? We're walking out.
I've got numbers for Bridget.
I've kept records.
I've got old numbers.
We could track her down.
Together, you and I.
That's more like the old team spirit.
You two have a nice time.
I hope you find her.
I'll e-mail you.
Just come a little closer.
Mm! Yeah, I love prawns.
Oh, I left my phone.
Really? Yeah.
It's not in my pocket.
So much for the big exit.
Yeah.
C'mon, hurry up.
I'm not stopping, I just left my phone.
Victor? Take your phone and go.
Where's Mr Skinner? He's gone to the toilet.
But we haven't got toilets.
We have to use the pub on the corner.
Well, that's where he is, then.
Help me! What was that? It was nothing.
It was nothing! Help me! Get out.
That's Mr Skinner.
Victor, look at your hands.
Look at the rest of me! You've dabbled with aliens.
Now meet the genuine article! Oh, my God! You're a thing.
A thing? This thing is my true form.
Better than that crude pink shape you call a body.
What happened? Where am I? Ursula, is that you? That's Mr Skinner.
What have you done to him? I've absorbed him.
Colin? Is that you? Colin? Bridget, my love? Oh, my God, that's Bridget! Colin, where are you? I'm here, Bridget.
It's all right.
I'm close.
You've absorbed them both.
What about Bliss? Where is she? What? I said you really don't want to know.
You've absorbed them.
You're some sort of Absorbathon.
An Absorbaling.
An Abzorbaloff! Yes.
I like that.
Let them go.
I'm ordering you.
Let those people go! But they taste so sweet.
Just think about the Doctor.
Oh, how will HE taste? All that experience, all that knowledge.
And if I've got to absorb Jackie Tyler to get to him, then so be it.
Don't you dare! If I have to beat them out of you No, no, please don't hit me! Look at me! I'm such a slow and clumsy beast.
Please don't hit me.
Well, then, give them back.
What, you mean like this?! Just one touch! That's all it takes! No! No! Leave her alone! Don't touch me.
Oh, Elton.
I'm so sorry.
You can't touch me.
Ursula! "Most likely to fight back" indeed! Leave her alone! Yes! No! That's not fair! She tastes like chicken.
Elton, where are you? Please.
Mr Kennedy, please.
I'm asking you.
I'm begging you.
Give her back to me.
I can't.
Once they've been absorbed, the process is irreversible.
Wait a minute.
Now I've been absorbed, I can read his thoughts! Oh, my God.
Elton, you're next! Get out of here! Now you've seen him, he can't let you go.
Just run! Go on! Never mind me, get out! Isn't she the clever one? Run, Elton! RUN! Save yourself, boy! Run for your life! Oh, what's the matter? Have you given up so soon? There's no point.
Where would I go? Everything I ever wanted Has been absorbed.
Oh, Elton.
Don't say that.
But it's true! Then join us.
Join us, little man.
Come on.
There's everlasting peace.
Come on, join us - dissolve into me.
Someone wants a word with you.
You've upset my mum.
A great big absorbing creature from outer space, and you're having a go at me? No-one upsets my mum.
At last.
The greatest feast of all - the Doctor.
Interesting.
Some sort of Absorbatrix.
Absorbaklon, Abzorbaloff Abzorbaloff, yes.
Is it me, or is he a bit Slitheen? Not from Raxacoricofallapatorius, are you? No, I'm not! They're swine.
I spit on them.
I was born on their twin planet.
Really? What's the twin planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius? Clom.
Clom? Clom, yes.
And I'll return there victorious, once I possess your travelling machine.
Well, that's never gonna happen.
Oh, it will.
You'll surrender yourself to me, Doctor, or this one dies.
You see, I've read about you, Doctor.
I've studied you.
So passionate.
So sweet.
You wouldn't let an innocent man die.
And I'll absorb him unless you give yourself to me.
Sweet, maybe.
Passionate, I suppose.
But don't ever mistake that for nice.
Do what you want.
He'll die, Doctor! Go on, then.
So be it.
Mind you, the others might have something to say.
Others? He's right! The Doctor's right! We can't let him.
Oh, Mr Skinner, Bridget, pull.
No! For God's sake, pull, if it's the last thing we ever do! Bliss! All of us, together - come on! Pull! LINDA united! PU-U-U-ULL! Elton! The cane! Break it! My cane! Y'stupid man! Oh, no! What did I do? The cane created a limitation field.
Now it's broken, he can't stop.
The absorber is being absorbed.
By what? By the Earth.
Bye-bye, Elton.
Bye-bye.
Who was she? That was Ursula.
And that's it.
Almost.
Because the Doctor still had more to say.
You don't remember, do you? And then he explained.
That night, all those years ago There was a shadow in your house.
A living shadow in the darkness.
An elemental shade had escaped from the Howling Halls.
I stopped it, but I wasn't in time to save her.
I'm sorry.
Because that was the night my mother died.
We forget because we must.
So, there you go.
Turns out I've had the most terrible things happen and the most brilliant things, and sometimes, well, I can't tell the difference - they're all the same thing, they're just me.
You know, Stephen King said once, he said, "Salvation and damnation are the same thing," and I never knew what he meant.
But I do now Cos the Doctor might be wonderful, but, thinking back, I was having such a special time.
Just for a bit, I had this nice little gang.
# I'll tell you once more, before I get off the floor # And they were destroyed.
It's not his fault, but maybe that's what happens if you touch the Doctor, even for a second.
I keep thinking of Rose and Jackie and how much longer before they pay the price? Oh, now don't get all miserable.
Come on, Elton, you've still got me.
Oh, yeah, cos the Doctor said he could do one last thing with his magic wand.
If I can key into the absorption matrix and separate the last victim It's too late for total reconstruction, but Elton! Fetch a spade! Even then, after all that, the Doctor saved me one last time.
Here she is.
Could be worse.
At least I'll never age.
And it really is quite peaceful.
You'd be surprised.
It's a relationship.
Of sorts.
We manage.
We've even got a bit of a love life.
Oh, let's not go into that.
And I don't care what anyone thinks - I love her.
Aaah! But the thing is There y'are.
I've even bought a remote zoom.
But what I wanted to say is .
.
y'know, when you're a kid, they tell you it's all "grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, "have a kid and that's it".
No.
But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that .
.
and so much darker and so much madder.
And SO much better.
They're not safe! They're in the garden! I'm begging you! In the last six days, three of your children have been stolen.
If we find the source of that power They're kids' pictures.
Now get out! Chloe has a power.
She's using it to snatch the kids.
Get out.
If living things can become drawings, then maybe drawings can become living things.