Doctor Who (1963) s03e31 Episode Script

"Four legs, no feet, of arms no lack, it carries no burden on its back.
Six deadly sisters, seven for choice, call the servants without voice.
" What does it mean? A riddle.
Look, here's a way out.
Perhaps this is to tell us where the TARDIS is.
Or perhaps it's just another game.
Anyway, we've got to find out.
This is the next game? No.
We'll find the next game behind this door.
How can you be sure? Look.
The Doctor's move recorder for his game.
Yes, I know.
This door is here to delay us.
I think we're meant to try to get it open.
The Toymaker is hoping that we'll waste time.
Whew! That should do it.
It won't open.
But it must.
What's wrong with it? I know, let's pull instead.
I haven't made a mistake yet.
Let's hope not, Doctor.
I would hate you to end up in my dolls' house.
I reserve that fate for your two friends.
They'll win, too.
No, they will lose one game, and then like the clowns, they'll become my toys, and we shall be able to amuse ourselves through all eternity.
What do you mean? You remember the agreement? They must find your TARDIS before you finish your game.
If they don't, then you will have to stay here, and you'll be in my power forever.
Look.
They've already reached their next test.
That game? I might have known.
Steven! Dodo! Take care.
It's chair number- You fool! Now I have been forced to make you dumb as well as intangible.
You cannot speak until you have reached the second-to-last move of the trilogic game.
Now then, let them play their games whilst you play yours.
Go for move 444.
And no more clever tricks, if you please.
Your friends managed to outwit my clowns.
I shall have to find more worthy opponents for them.
There! I think perhaps the Heart family.
They have great experience in a great variety of games.
The Doctor was trying to warn us.
I'm seriously annoyed with your friend.
Once again, he tried to talk to you, so I've had to deprive him of his voice.
Let it be a warning to you.
Play the games according to the rules I set, or give up now.
The rules you set?! Your own players break them.
They cheat! How can we believe anything you say? Everything here is so strange.
We can't even be certain that that was the Doctor's voice we heard before.
It could be you leading us toward another trap.
I'm glad to see you're at last treating me with respect.
Only as long as you have the Doctor.
After that, we'll see- Forget it, Dodo, he's gone.
What odd looking chairs.
Perhaps these are what the Doctor was trying to warn us about.
Is this the room? Is this the room, I said.
I think so, my dear, uh hmm.
And I suppose these are the people we have to play against.
Hmm? Oh! Oh! Peasants, my dear, hmm.
Peasants! Just a minute.
Who do you think you're calling a peasant? Steven, don't you see who they are? Well, yes, they do look familiar.
They're playing cards! We shall play our next game with a couple of playing cards! The Toymaker's warped sense of humor, I suppose.
None of these look in the least like your throne.
Hmmm? No, no, no, they don't, do we my dear.
Although the Toymaker did say we'd find them in here, didn't he, hmm? What was that riddle again? Ah " four legs, no feet, of arms no lack, it carries no burden on its back.
" That must be these chairs! But what about the rest of it? "Six deadly sisters, seven for choice, call the servants without voice.
" Hmmm well, that can't be the chairs.
There are only three of them.
You're not paying the least attention again.
Hmmm? I warned you, if we don't find that throne, he'll keep us here.
We shall remain playing cards for the rest of eternity.
Ah! Very good point, my dear.
Yes, yes, we must find the throne.
What do you make of them? They seem almost like real people.
Uh ignore them.
They're sent here to distract us.
Let's take a look through here.
Where's that Knave? Cyril! Cyril! Tormenting the Joker again I'll be-.
Did you have to give him that sword? Quiet, Fool.
Cyril, what are you doing? Nothing.
Just playing with the Fool.
I'm hungry.
Ho, ho! The boy's always hungry.
He's a pig.
What did you say? I said, "Give him a fig.
" I I thought there was a throne to find.
So there is.
Where have those peasants gone? Hmm? Oh, uh, through that door, my dear.
Why didn't you tell me? Well, you never asked, me dear.
We must follow them at once.
Oh Fool, you stay here and look after these chairs.
Oh, but, uh, now that the Fool is here, don't you think we could have a joke or two? No! Come on.
Oh, well, then, a riddle then? Hmmm? Or a merry quip? Are you coming? Oh, ahem, yes, my dear hmm hmm hmm Dodo! Four in here, three in there.
It must be the chairs.
What it "Six deadly sisters, seven for choice.
" I suppose that means six of them are dangerous.
And only one is the right one.
We'll have to find out which one by elimination.
But how? How dangerous are they? No Steven! Don't! Why? What's wrong? Don't risk it.
None of the Toymakers' toys are just jokes.
Six of these chairs will destroy us.
It's a charming thought, but you're probably right.
But Dodo, have you noticed all these cupboards? They're all exactly the same shape as the TARDIS.
Yes, but they could be as dangerous as the chairs.
No, I don't think so.
There are only four, and there weren't any in the other room.
Alright, they're only dolls.
I've got it! We'll use the dolls to sit in the chairs.
If we've got enough that is.
That's four here, and these three make up the seven.
Don't touch them! Why? What's wrong? Well, they may be dangerous, too.
But the riddle said "six deadly sisters," and some of these are men dolls.
What was the last line again? Ah "call the servants without voice.
" You can't call someone without speaking.
But they haven't got voices.
We have.
Dolls - come out! Look, they must be the servants.
Maybe it's, um, poetic term, the call bit.
Huh, nothing's happened yet.
Well, if we can get them all out before the king and queen get here, we can test the chairs.
Wait.
With seven dolls in three cupboards, what's the other one for? Perhaps that might be the real TARDIS.
It won't open.
Of course - the Doctor's got the key.
C'mon - look! The Doctor's more than half way through his game already.
We've got to find out what we've got to do here first.
Quick! Before the others arrive.
Ahh the peasants again.
Caught you in the act.
What are you up to? Oh, uh, they seem to be playing with dolls, my dear.
I can see that.
The point is, what are they doing with them? They seem very real.
We're going to use the dolls to test the chairs.
To test them? Yes.
Six of them are dangerous and only one is safe.
You know, I feel very foolish talking to a playing card.
A playing card? Well aren't you? Dodo, its useless talking to them.
They're just products of the Toymaker's imagination.
We're as real as you are.
Henry Oh, uh, yes, m'dear? Come here.
Yes, m'dear.
Let this wretched child feel your arm.
Feel my arm?! There, child.
Isn't that an arm? Not much of one, I grant you, but nevertheless, a real arm.
It is! Steven, these are real people.
Feel his arm! No, I'll take your word for it.
Look, if you're real people, what are you doing here? And why are you wearing those ridiculous clothes? Ah yes, well, it would take a little too long to explain, my boy.
The fact is that we are victims of the Toymaker, the same as you are.
For instance, if I were to sit in this chair Henry - no! We don't know! Oh! Oh, no, no, no, we don't, do we, hmm? We must use the dolls.
We'll each choose a doll in turn, and then we'll take it in turn to test the chairs, that way we'll find the answer even quicker.
We found the dolls.
They're ours.
And we're supposed to be playing against you.
But that doesn't seem right.
There are four dolls and four of us.
We must be meant to have one each.
That's only fair.
And then we can test the dolls sitting in the chair before doing so ourselves, hmm? What do you mean one each? What about It's alright Dodo.
Yes, but what about It'll be alright.
Now never mind and keep quiet.
Alright, go ahead.
Choose your dolls.
But I don't understand.
What about the others? Oh, no no no, don't fuss yourself, m'dear.
The point of the game is to see who picks the chair which isn't dangerous, and whoever does that is the winner.
If it's you, you'll get your TARDIS back, and if it is us, we get our liberty.
Now, he's right Dodo.
Now go on, choose your doll, and keep quiet.
We'll try our luck in the other room.
Oh, very well.
Oh, are you going, m'dear? We'll see you later.
I thought we were all supposed to play this game together? Well as there are seven chairs, I thought that Dodo and I might try our luck in the other room.
And that way we'll all have an equal chance.
Ah yes, yes, yes, certainly m'boy, yes, anything you like.
Well, good luck.
Come on, Dodo.
Alright, I'm coming.
They're so big! Charming couple, aren't they, hmm? It isn't very charming to be told you're not real.
We were not amused.
Well, which chair do you suggest? Yes, well, none of them look like the throne, do they m'dear, hmm? Well, then you must pick one at random.
Ah, yes of course, random, yes, ah now Eenie meenie minie moe, catch a nigger by the toe Ah! No, Henry! Put the doll in it.
Ooh, the doll, yes, of course, the doll.
Yes, my dear, you're of course, of course, pick up the doll.
Ah, here we are then.
Now then, we'll take the doll and then- ooof! I say it's rather rather heavy my dear.
Nearly as heavy as I am, I've no doubt that, uh, this will be perfectly good test for the Henry! Oh, no not more playing cards! They look rather sweet, don't they? A Jack and the Joker.
Leave them alone, and concentrate.
You nearly gave the game away in the other room.
They think that there are only four dolls.
Now if everyone chooses the wrong chair with those dolls, we're going to need the extra ones to find the right chair.
Is that fair? They seem quite nice and friendly.
Can't you understand, we've got to win every game, otherwise we'll never see the TARDIS again.
This isn't a children's party.
Well, I'm sure if you explained that then the King and Queen would help us.
Oh, Dodo they belong to the Toymaker, remember that.
He wants to keep us here - at any rate the Doctor.
Why? I don't know, and it doesn't matter.
But we've got to find the TARDIS before the Doctor finishes the game he's playing.
Right.
Throw your doll into a chair.
Throw it? Yes.
Six of these chairs are deadly, remember that.
I don't want to see either of us caught out by one of those.
Now throw it.
Very well.
What happened? It was some sort of electrocution! That could've been us! Yes I see what you mean about this not being a children's party.
A party? Is it tea time, already? Mmmm I smell crumpets toasting! What's that? Oh, oh, don't be scared of us.
Alright.
Stand by.
I'm going to try chair number one.
Horrible! The Toymaker must be mad! Do you really think he means to kill us? What do you think? Well, what do we do now? Well, we've got to get the other dolls! We've got to get out of this place! We can't go in there! Why? Or they'll know about the three extra dolls, then! Henry! Turn the thing off! I don't think I can get near enough m'dear.
I wish you'd stop this silly game! Father's a very nice chair here for you, my boy.
Mother! Did you hear what he said? Henry! Well, just a harmless little joke, m'dear, hmm hmm.
Yes, well, I suppose we'd better try the doll in it, don't you think? Ahh now then upsie dazie we shall try the this, uh, chair now.
Oh dear! It's - it's disappeared! I can see that! Well, that leaves us with chairs number five and six.
What do you propose we do now? Well, I suppose we'd better see how that young couple are getting on in their room, hmm? Well, they can't have succeeded.
We'd have had a visit from the Toymaker if they had.
Ah! Yeah oh, we need two more dolls, hmm hmm hmm.
Uh, yes, a pity, hmm.
I know, the Fool! Oh really Henry! How you can think of entertainment at a time like this -? Oh yes, of course.
I see the Fool! Precisely, my dear.
Mother! Mother! No, it's no use.
I can't tell a thing just by looking at it.
We'll have to get those other dolls.
The King and Queen are coming.
Good! I'll tell you what I'll do I'll try to distract them.
You step into the other room and test the chairs.
If they're both deadly, then this must be the right one.
Ahh! Still one chair left to try, I see.
Why don't you try it, girl? Why don't you? Haven't you had any luck either? No more dolls.
Rather looks like a stalemate, doesn't it? Ah! Not quite, my boy.
Oh no, I still have one card to play, hmm hmm uh, if, you'll, uh, excuse the expression, hmm hmm.
Oh, what goes up the chimney down, and can't come down the chimney up? Down the chimney oh no, no, no, my dear fellow, no, no not work! We want your advice, don't we my dear? Advice?! From a Fool?! We still have to pick a throne, my dear, hmm hmm.
Ahhh Ah, now then, my dear fellow, for instance, um, what do you think of this chair? No you don't! Not this one! Steven, the cupboard with the other three dolls - it's locked.
I can't open it.
But you must.
It was open before.
Three more dolls? And you kept them from us? Cheat! Dear! Dear! Oh-o, you can talk after what you were about to do to this poor fellow? Poor fel - oh what's that?! Oh, eh, nothing, my dear chap! Uh, now, ah, come with us.
We can't leave you in such company.
_ in back.
Come on my dear fellow Come Cyril! Now you've done it handed them the game, right on a platter! If this isn't the real chair, we've lost the game.
I don't see that.
Look they've got two more chairs to test.
They get the Joker to sit on one; if this isn't the right chair, then the other one must be.
You've been moving along very satisfactorily.
It's especially commendable considering that young Dodo has chosen to sit in the wrong chair - the freezing chair.
Dodo - you fool! Steven, I feel cold all the way through.
Stand up! Help me.
I'm freezing.
I can't move.
Stand up.
I can't! Look! Try! You must.
You must try.
I think I'm turning to ice, Steven.
Fight the cold! Fight it, Dodo.
You've got to get out of that chair.
Now fight it! It's no use.
Look, you must try.
We've got to concentrate - together.
We can't.
We must - now! Ah! Oooh! Oh, thank you.
You did it.
Oh, we did it together.
Oh no, I couldn't do a thing.
I couldn't move.
Thank goodness you're safe.
The Doctor would never have forgiven me if anything had happened to you.
But Steven, we've lost.
Well, there's a much better choice in here.
Now give us your honest opinion: which is the better chair? Well, sir, I I think, ah perhaps that one.
Number six? Good! Good! Well, it is not possible really to test a chair by just looking at it, hmmm? Now come on, Fool, we haven't got all day! Oh, poor fellow.
Poor fellow.
What's he laughing at? He wasn't laughing, were you? Hmm? And they call me a fool.
Well, look, ahem, sit down my dear fellow.
Oh, not on your life, sire.
A joke's a joke.
I'm giving notice.
You can try out your chairs for yourself.
Humph! Your son, I think, ahem, my dear, hmm.
Well, what do you propose we do now? Well there is nothing else for it.
You'll have to try out the chair.
I?! Well, one of us will have to, ahem.
I know - we'll draw matches, hmm? No! I don't trust your matches.
We will toss for it.
Heads! Ah! You forget, my dear.
I know that coin has got two heads, hmm, hmm.
Then Then we will both sit in it.
And if we go, we go together? My love.
Nothing happened.
It's alright.
We worried for nothing.
Oh the poor things! We must help them.
No, not now! You mean That must be the one.
We've won! There's the TARDIS! As soon as the Doctor wins his game, we can go! We're safe! Oh no! It can't be! It's got to be the real one.
Look! It's happened again.
It's another of those that the Toymaker's made.
Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Well, what now? You know, we never really solved that last riddle - call the servants without voice.
No.
Let's try again.
You never know.
Dolls, dolls, wherever you are - come out! You're doing better than I thought.
But don't rest on your laurels.
The Doctor is succeeding even faster than you.
Time and luck are running out.
Here is the next clue: "Hunt the key to fit the door that leads out on the dancing floor; then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet.
" But He's gone.
Steven, look.
I said that's all they were.
Never mind that now.
The next game - come.
Dolls, dolls, wherever you are, come out!