Doctor Who - Documentary s10e16 Episode Script

Global Conspiracy

(MALE VOICE CHOIR SINGS) It looks pretty ordinary, a nice estate somewhere in Britain.
Could be Cheltenham.
Could be Bute.
But it isn't.
It's Llanfairfach.
We're in Wales.
Not the picture postcard version of talking steam engines, investitures of Prince Charleses or Shirley Basseys, but the Valleys, where men toiled beneath the earth, hewing coal from rock so the rest of us could read after dark.
Oh, yes.
My brother Bert told me how awful it was down the pit.
The noise, the people, all day in the darkness.
He never did anything else.
No one round here could.
I mean, I got out.
Thank goodness for my ballet dancing.
But here in Llanfairfach, it was the pit or nothing.
(TENOR SINGS IN WELSH) But that was a long time ago.
British Coal went the way of all flesh - down the toilet.
And after Michael Heseltine had coal dumped on his doormat, the writing was on the wall.
The slag heaps were landscaped, the pitheads levelled.
These days, Llanfairfach is just another post-industrial Welsh town struggling to adapt to the 21st century.
Or is it? Well, I'd just put our youngest down.
She'd been creating 'cause it was her sister's birthday and she felt left out.
I just nipped to the loo and that's when I found it, lying there in the pan, like.
- (TERRY) What did you find? - A giant maggot.
Those with long memories may recall the name Llanfairfach, because something happened here back in the '70s, something bad.
Something so strange that the very mention of it causes locals to shudder.
You see, it wasn't just coal that came out of the ground, it was death.
A death coloured green.
A green death.
It was a scandal.
It's hard to believe that people have forgotten.
It was way before all those other scandals that people have forgotten.
Global Chemicals, who I'm ashamed to say I was working for, poured chemical waste down the old mine shaft and nobody took any notice.
Well, not quite nobody.
Back in 1973, rumours reached my eyes that things weren't quite right down in the Valleys.
Well, first it was old Hughes, then Dave, then poor Bert.
- Horrible, it was.
- There'd been an accident in the mine? Accident? That's what they'd like us to believe, those Global Chemicals people, but I know what I saw.
They was bright green, like the scum on milk or bad cheese.
- Bright green? - Goose doings.
That sort of green.
- You know.
- Yeah - Then I seen 'em, didn't I? - (TERRY) What? Maggots.
As big as a sock! Well, this is what they're steamed up about - Global Chemicals.
Let's see if we can get some answers.
- Good morning.
- What do you want? - We're from the BBC.
Is it possible - Your function is unknown.
Really? I was hoping to speak with the boss.
No one can speak to the boss, except Mr Stevens.
- Can we see Mr Stevens? - No.
He's out.
You must be destroyed! With an attitude like that, it's no wonder the Blodwens and boyos are getting restless! There's no conspiracy.
Absolutely not.
There was a littlelocal difficulty over an abandoned coal seam.
Poison gas.
That sort of thing.
The government is far too busy sorting out the three-day week to be bothered by all this fubsy about giant flies! Nobody mentioned giant flies.
Didn't they? And that seemed to be that.
The mystery was filed away as another silly season story, like those lizard men attacking sea forts.
Until, that is, this! They They lived next door.
Nice people.
He worked at Tandy and she had the kiddies.
They was having a barbecue one Sunday and we was all round.
Anyways, I noticed this horrible smell.
Gordon reckoned it was the drains, so he sticks his arm down the hole.
When he brought it up it was all - (SPEAKS WELSH) - ''Yackyvee''? (GARY) Greenand glowing.
I'm no expert, but that's never come out of MY drain.
He was rushed to hospital, but the poor beggar had had it.
That was when people started talking.
It seems this wasn't the first time this had happened in Llanfairfach.
People had died back in the '70s.
There'd been death.
- Green? - Yeah.
Under the 30-year rule, documents relating to the Llanfairfach mystery have come to light.
Basically, the facts are these After the deaths of Bert the miner, Dave the miner and Hughes theminer, a local alternative community led by Professor Clifford Jones became involved.
Partly due to their protests, a team was despatched from the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce, a top-secret government organisation with its headquarters here.
Run by a Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge Stewart.
Together with a crack team of almost ten soldiers, this acronymic group was also home to secret agent Josephine Grant and its mysterious scientific advisor, Dr John Smith.
Ostensibly called in to investigate the strange deaths, it seems that UNIT were engaged in a cover-up.
Even proto-eco-warrior Clifford Jones seems to have become embroiled in the conspiracy.
Rather than opposing these government lapdogs, he in fact married one of them.
Yeah, that's right.
Jo was a great girl.
Wonderful, wonderful girl.
Loved her very much.
Still do.
We were very idealistic.
We wanted to change the world.
We went off up the Amazon in search of this protein-rich fungus.
We found it, too.
Buteventually we drifted apart.
There was always something that came between us.
- (TERRY) And what was that? - This big blue crystal.
In the '80s, I developed my own range of meat-free products - NutHutch.
Very successful, too.
Anyway, you wanted to talk about Llanfairfach.
Global Chemicals were the enemy.
That's how we saw them.
The unacceptable face of capitalism.
We used to organise these protests.
Quite small, to be honest.
There weren't many of us, but we were keen.
Global Chemicals was run by this man called Jocelyn Stevens.
And there was a deputy, as I recall.
I just applied for the job.
I'd worked for various petrochemical groups.
Global Chemicals were one of the biggest.
It was just a natural progression.
- (TERRY) Tell me about Stevens.
- Normal enough.
- At least at first.
- A good boss? That was the point, you see.
- He wasn't the boss.
- Really? Who was? According to official records, Jocelyn Stevens was killed in a freak accident involving the office computer.
His deputy, though, tells a different story.
No, he didn't die.
I wasn't there at the bitter end.
Grumbling appendix.
While UNIT were sorting out the green sludge and the giant maggots, yours truly was in the Newport General.
When I got back to work, Global had been taken over and they told me Stevens was dead.
But you didn't believe them? No, because I saw him, you see, not long afterin London.
Oh, he's still around.
I see him a lot - business conferences, gallery openings.
(TERRY) Really? Can you tell us where to find him? I don't mind talking to you.
Why should I? Surely Global Chemicals is an era you'd rather forget? Not at all.
I feel we did a valuable job.
Created new jobs.
In many ways we prefigured the national mood of the 1980s.
- You were ahead of your time? - If you like.
But the industrial waste, the giant maggots Merely the negligible by-products of an extremely efficient system.
And efficiency is what we all want, isn't it? Efficiency, productivity and profit.
We're carrying on the work of Global Chemicals to this day - in principle, at least.
- (TERRY) What do you mean by that, exactly? An efficient television schedule, Mr Scanlon.
Orderly, safe, functional - That's terrible.
- Is it? You know, I think things would become clearer if you talked with the boss.
Boss? Whose boss? Yours and mine.
- (BOSS) StevensI - What was that? Just a little experiment.
in interactive broadcasting.
Why don't you try it? (SNIGGERS) (MALE VOICE CHOIR SINGS)