Dog with a Blog (2012) s01e08 Episode Script

Atomic shock.
Atomic shock and Plus a blast! Yes! The patient Roosevelt, suffers from an irrational fear of Fear itself.
It's not mommy.
You don't have to pretend to be working.
Hi, princess.
Hey, how was school? Not good.
My teacher says I can't be "Chloe the magnificent" At school anymore.
Yeah.
They have a strict "No costume" Policy, And her teacher thinks the whole "Chloe the magnificent" Thing Has gotten a little out of hand.
Aww, but she's adorable! And she's just expressing her inner sense of magic.
She was selling "Fairy dust" And "Happy dreams" at lunch for two bucks a pop.
Chloe, I'm disappointed in you.
You were charging me four.
But I gave you the good stuff.
And then there's that.
Oh yeah.
I am rocking this boots.
And strut, and strut, and turn Strike a pose.
And keep it fierce.
Dog With a Blog S01E08 The Bone Identity Why does Karl want to meet you in the drama classroom? Why does Karl think do anything? He's pure evil.
Look, whatever he has planned, thanks for coming with me.
I'll either need a witness, or someone to help me gnaw through the ropes.
You know I'll always help you.
Even if it means missing lunch on taco Tuesday.
Fun to say, and fun to eat! Hello, ladies.
This is the infamous Karl Fink, our next door neighbor, and Avery's sworn enemy since little smarty science camp when he tried to weaponize cooties.
Thank you for meeting me, Avery.
And thank you for tagging along, Avery's sidekick.
Please don't do that thing where you talk together.
You can't tell us what to do.
And before you try anything, the hall monitors know where I am.
And Steve has finally built up enough stamina to walk briskly.
Oh, Avery, Avery, Avery.
I know we've had our differences in the past, But I've made peace with all the wrongs you've done me.
Like stealing my graham crackers at little genius science camp.
I did not steal your graham crackers, Karl.
And if you're going to be mad at me for anything, It should be for besting you at this year's spelling bee With the word: xanthosis.
X-a-n-t-h-o-s-i-s.
See papa, I know it now! I'm sorry, Karl.
Did your father pass? No, he's at the international space station.
The point is We're the two smartest kids in school.
No offense number 147.
We should be friends, and as a symbol of our new start, Please accept these flowers.
Wow, I'm this is very nice of you.
You have been finked! Graham cracker stealer! Really? Why did you go through all this when you could have just squirted me when I walked through the door? Why did the vikings pull their enemies' lungs out, and splay them across their chest? Because it's fun! You are a cruel, deceitful, and vindictive little man.
And those aren't even my words.
I heard your mother say it to your piano teacher.
You left out the most important part.
I'm avenged! I didn't know that about the vikings.
Why do they call it a "Dog eat dog" World? Dogs don't treat each other badly, but look what Karl did to Avery.
Humans are also capable of awesome acts of goodness.
Like flowing me these, yo! Hello, neighbor.
Karl, go away! You're a creepy little liar, And I wish you would get out of my house.
Again, not my words.
Your mother has no inside voice.
I made you a peace offering.
"I'z been Finked"? Actually, I made 500.
I'm selling them.
What brainless baboon would buy those? Oh, cool! They're in! And remember, I still have a mug and a mouse pad coming.
Well, I am off to get ready for the school-wide math competition Saturday.
Will you be competing at the x-squared games? You know math isn't my thing.
Yes.
Well, now I can create this wonderful auto-tune.
You know math isn't my thing Math--math--math I know! And so the cat says nothing! Because cats are stupid! Shh! Stan just told me the greatest joke.
Good one, stan.
You guys! Karl just left.
He's right on the other side of that door.
If anyone finds out Stan's secret, They'll take him away and do experiments on him.
What secret? Nothing.
There's no secret.
Stan's just a normal dog.
You can't fool me, Jennings.
I will find out what you're hiding, If I have to track you to the ends of the earth, And if it takes me the rest of my days! You know I can be a little compulsive.
Wait.
Let me say that again with my right hand in my pocket.
Karl! Just get out.
Okay, but first If I have to track you to the ends of the earth, and if it takes me the rest of my days! Bye! The school called.
They said Chloe wore her costume to class again.
I thought you were gonna-- Please tell me this doesn't happen every time I go to the store.
Well, if you had read my third book, You'd know exactly why I'm wearing this.
Chapter seven: "Say yes-up to the dress-up.
" Nope.
Still don't get it.
Look, Chloe wears the costume to make her feel special, right? If I wear the costume, too.
It will no longer be special.
And she'll lose her reason for wearing it.
She'll realize her specialness comes from within.
Really? That's in here? Knockity, knockity.
Oh, hi, Karl.
Come on in.
Mrs.
Jennings, you look almost criminally perfect today.
That's so nice of you! And you, Dr.
James.
It's not what it looks like.
Really? Because it looks like chapter seven of your third book.
Brilliant work, by the way.
What a lovely young man! I just stopped by because I'm going for my afternoon stroll, And I thought I could take Stan for a walk.
Oh.
Stan! Come! How thoughtful of you, Karl.
Well, it looks like Chloe's fairy dust worked.
Stan, would you like Karl to take you for a walk? You kidding? After what he did to Avery? I got bacon treats.
I mean, really, how bad can he be? What is your secret? what is it? Do you have Super strength? A marsupial pouch? If only you could talk, you could just tell me.
Why am I just lying here? Here, have a bacon treat.
Oh, that's why.
You give me back my dog! How'd you find me here? We knocked on your front door, And your mom said you were out back in your "Evil layer.
" Mom, do not reveal my whereabouts to my nemesis! That right there is why my dad is in space.
Sorry, honey.
Oh, by the way, Your underpants were all over the bathroom floor.
Mom! Hi, Mrs.
Fink.
Avery Jennings here.
How many pairs of underpants are we talking about? Hmm.
Looks like all of them.
So, where were we? Look, we're taking him, Karl.
Go ahead.
Your eagerness to take the dog just proves I'm getting close to discovering He can fly! No! Well, I won't rest until I find out.
I Fink, therefore, I am.
I'm working on a catchphrase, what do you think? Just leave it right there.
I'll pick it up later.
Not really dressed.
Oh no! Honey! Yeah, um First off, your "Deluxe stacking storage food containers" arrived, so-- Yeah! I know.
Secondly, do you remember when you locked yourself out, and I said "Don't forget to put the hide-a-key back"? Yeah that's what I thought.
Look, when are you going to be home? Yeah that's what I thought.
Honey, did you forget to tell me that my new patients called and moved their appointment to 4:30? Yeah, that's what I thought.
So, I-I guess you're probably going to be looking for a new child psychology Yeah, that's--that's what I thought.
What are we going to do? Karl won't stop until he knows Stan's secret.
What if we convince Karl that Stan is special for another reason? Yeah, like I speak fluent Italian.
He can't know that you speak at all.
Capiche? What? You know, Karl's going to be in the x-squared games Saturday.
If we could get No,that would require Stan to be good at math for that to work.
How do you know I'm not good at math? What's 1250 times 1250? Oh, that's math.
No, I'm--I'm definitely better at Italian.
I'm guessing.
That's right! What's 10,000 divided by 33? How would I know? It's not like I'm a math genius or something.
There, you know my dirty little secret.
You're a math genius? Don't say that! It's embarrassing.
This is so unfair! I'd love to be a math genius.
I listen to subliminal math cds in my sleep.
And nothing.
Except for a recurring nightmare about being chased by the number twelve.
Mamma mia, that's a-scary.
That was italian, right? But I'm cool.
Math and cool go together like oil and that other thing.
Water? Oh, no, thanks.
I just had a glass.
If people find out I'm a math genius, I won't be cool anymore.
Well, what if just a few people found out? Look, I have an idea on how we can use this to take Karl down at the big math competition.
But we're going to need a little bit of your math genius.
Are you sure? I mean, Karl's probably already forgotten about the whole thing.
Karl Get your helicopter out of here and leave us alone! I will know stan's secret! Am I the only one here who's amazed that Karl could fit into that tiny helicopter? I'm telling you, this plan to keep stan's secret from Karl has got to go off without a hitch.
I agree.
What's a hitch? You are.
Stop interrupting.
We just have to be careful.
You know, Karl may be a jerk, but he's really smart.
What if we invite Karl over here, and then push him down into spaghetti? Chloe, you're not helping.
We're trying to come up with something real.
Spaghetti is real.
I have some in my pocket.
Blueberries Wrong pants.
Get out of here, okay? This is for the big kids.
Fine! No one ever listens to me! Hmm, trouble in paradise.
Come in, Chloe.
How did you know it was me? Just hoping because I adore you.
You know the old saying: The step-sister of my nemesis is my friend.
Nobody listens to me.
I'll listen.
I am a fantastic listener.
Karl, I'm pinned under the-- You were saying? Tyler and Avery have a plan so you won't find out stan's secret.
I have a fun notion.
Let's trade secrets.
You go first.
Okay.
What? Really? That's Stan's secret? I find that very hard to believe, but still You do realize you spit a little when you speak.
What was your secret? Sometimes I send your mother flowers under the name Walter Perkins.
I just want to know who he is! I don't know! Okay, you ready to do this? Karl's over there warming up.
One-one-one-one, two-two-two-two, Three-three-three-three Man, look at all these nerds.
I can't even count them all.
Yes, I can.
15.
Darn it! What if my friends see me here? Tyler, it's okay.
It's saturday, it's school, and it's a math contest.
None of your airhead friends will be here.
Except them.
Hey, Tyler.
Did you come to make fun of the math geeks, too? Already did.
Pantsed three of them.
Or was it four? I don't know.
I'm not good at math.
See ya! Tyler! Come on! This is for Stan.
If Karl finds out the truth, we're going to lose him forever.
But Please.
Actually I'm here to compete.
What? Math is cool? Hey, guys! Tyler's doing math.
Math is cool.
How did you walk in here, and in, like, five minutes make math cool? Same way you made hip hop uncool in five minutes when you rapped the periodic table.
I bust my rhymes like helium But they're mine so don't steal-y 'em Per-I-odical - Come on, honey.
- I don't want to.
I told you, when Chloe saw just me wearing it, It still seemed special.
She needs to see that everybody's doing it.
Maybe we should just take her out of that school.
I can homeschool her.
'cause this is torture.
Ellen, you look ravishing.
- I do? - Mm-hmm.
I don't know if it's the boots or the harem pants, but you are working that, babe.
Ah I do kind of feel a teeny bit magical.
You don't think the tiara's too much? Maybe for a lesser woman.
I'm a princess.
I'm a special, magical princess.
Oh! Look at me! I can really move in these pants.
What was I thinking? Ahh! Huh? My plan worked.
Or we made it look so ridiculous, She's humiliated to look anything like us.
Who cares? We were having fun there a moment ago, Weren't we? Huh? Yeah, it was kind of fun.
Hmm.
So tell me Did you ever dance like this With walter Perkins? I don't know who that is! This came from Walter Perkins.
Tyler James? Really? You're competing? I'm competing, and I'm gonna win.
You do realize this isn't a "Poofiest hair-do" Contest? Yeah, I realize that.
I'm not happy about it, but I realize it.
You're not gonna last past the first round.
Final round.
We're down to our last two contestants.
Yay, Tyler! Whoo! This doesn't make any sense at all.
How have you not been eliminated? Stan is here? What are you up to? Okay, the next question is for tyler.
- 22 - that's right! - Square over two b.
- that's right! That's right.
- Yes! - But, no! No, no, no! Tyler is cheating! He is a dirty cheater! There is a dog out there giving him the answers.
No.
No, really.
The dog is a math genius! The little girl in the red rubber rain boots told me.
Mr.
Beeds, you have to believe me.
The dog is cheating for him.
You have to disqualify Tyler.
I win! Oh, Karl.
You must be pretty desperate to pull something like this.
You are disqualified for poor sportsmanship.
Wha-- Tyler is the winner of the x-squared games! Whoo! Yes! I'm getting a b-minus in geometry and I don't care who knows it! Yay, math! Ha ha! Yay, math! So, Karl Next time we go head to head, Why don't you win? Just to mix things up a little bit.
You had nothing to do with this.
Are you claiming you somehow set me up? Didn't I? If anyone finds out stan's secret What secret?! Get out of here, okay? This is for the big kids.
Fine! No one ever listens to me! Stan is a math genius.
He's just a regular dog.
You pretended he had a secret from the beginning just to set this up.
That's right.
His "secret" was part of an elaborate ruse to cost you the math competition.
Oh! And I did eat your graham crackers.
And they were de-licious.
Mmm, mmm, mmm! By the way, this is how it's done.
The dog is a math genius Dog--dog--dog--dog Bam! You haven't seen the last of me! Because your mom and dad invited me over for dinner.
I'm making my flan.
Wasn't that your phone, Avery? Don't ruin the moment.
It worked! Karl thinks the whole secret was fake from the beginning.
Thanks for risking being uncool.
Hey, for Stan I'd do anything.
So in the end, The whole thing was molto buono! Hey! I can speak-a italiano! Aw, I'm not speaking Italian.
Who am I kidding? Oy vey.
Hey! I can speak Yiddish! The point is, everything worked out and Avery out-finked fink.
But she still can't rap.
Tyler is the winner Of the math competition You think you can fink us That's a superstition Word.
Problem.
Can't afford to break another mic.
Saving up for a new phone.
Arrr, matey.
Where be me breakfast? All right.
Here we go again.
No, no, no, no, no! All right.