Dog with a Blog (2012) s01e13 Episode Script

Bennett, do I have to keep asking you to finish assembling the garden shed? You don't have to.
It's really your choice.
Thanks for the towels, dad.
Now, I'm going to get the rope and a glue gun.
Aren't you going to ask her what she needs that stuff for? I'm hoping she's finishing the shed.
Bennett! If I were him, I'd assert my dominance by biting her on the neck.
Maybe that's why I've never had a long-term girlfriend.
Honey, I can't finish the garden shed.
I got to get ready for my fishing weekend with Tyler.
Where are the pillows the stray cats were born on? In the garage.
Thank you.
So, you're really dragging Tyler to the lake? You know he'll hate it.
You see, this is why I never had children.
Well that and I never had the desire after that weird weekend at the vet.
A father and a son have to bond, But nothing I've tried has worked.
Uh, even that technique from my latest book: Behavioral Mirroring.
S'up, bro? You're not stretching out my clothes, are you? Little bit.
I really think this fishing trip is our opportunity to bond.
Now I just need an ax, a nine iron, and your wedding dress.
The second one.
Sweetie, what are you doing in there? Just building a little fort.
Aw, that's cute.
A little fort.
Dog With a Blog S01E13 Guess Who's a Cheerleader Homework is fun when we do it together, Lindsay.
Everything is fun when we do it together.
Even talking is fun when we do it together.
Won't it be great when we're both doctors, - And married to twins, and live across the street from each other? - Yeah.
But one of the twins should be a mechanic, So if a car breaks down, he can fix it.
Ooh, a grease monkey! - Bye, girl.
- Bye.
Avery, the funniest thing happened at school today.
The cheerleaders were thinking-- I'm laughing already.
They were thinking of asking you to be their new flyer 'cause they can't find a high school girl small enough to throw up in the air.
I told them to come over here for your try-out.
Why would you do that? 'cause I want cheerleaders at my house.
They're on their way.
I gotta go soak a towel in body spray and smack myself with man-stink.
Wait a minute! The cheerleaders are coming right now? The cheerleaders are coming right now? Yeah! And they want me to be their flyer.
I know I made fun of cheerleaders for thinking that they're better than everybody else, but now I have a chance to be better than everybody else.
Finally, I'm going to be a cheerleader.
Did that sound like I was living through you? I try so hard not to be one of those parents.
We're going to be a cheerleader.
Mom! Please tell me this isn't going to be gymnastics when you attacked the judges.
- You stuck that landing! - Mom! You're right.
I'm not going to live through you just to make up for my past disappointments.
I have a perfectly fulfilled life-- they're here! Mom! You're right, I'm doing it again.
Take it down a notch, Ellen.
Hey, Brie, Maddie.
So, um, I don't really know any cheers, But I do have some gymnastics experience.
Stuck the landing.
If you want to show me some cheers, I could definitely try something out.
Okay.
You're in.
Great.
It's awesome to be a part of the team.
Thank you.
I'm in! You're in! You're in! I was happy for Avery that she found something She wanted to belong to.
Of course the best thing is to join something worthwhile, Something that will really make a difference in the world.
Do you want to join Chloe's magic blanket kingdom? Do I? Knock, knock.
Can we come in? State your business.
I'm a world-renowned child psychologist.
Plus one.
You may enter.
Chloe, this is amazing.
Bennett, she's taken over the whole kitchen.
I was going to make my banana-mustard-black pepper pie.
Are you sure your grandmother didn't mean Banana-custard-blackberry pie? You had a really bad phone connection.
But I've always made banana-mustard-black pepper pie.
I know.
That pie is illegal in my country.
Then I would like to apply for political asylum.
Granted.
You wanted to talk to me? Yeah, son.
What activity would you most like to do with your old man? Well, it's not going on a roller coaster, Because you threw up on me.
It's not going to see a 3-d movie, Because you threw up on me.
It's not playing board games, Because you threw up on me.
My hippo had just gorged itself.
It was disgusting.
No.
Son, you and I are going fishing this weekend.
You and me in the hot sun on a rocking boat with smelly fish And a bucket of worms? Why don't you just throw up on me now and get it over with? We're going, we're bonding, And you're going to love it.
You'll see.
It'll just be like-- oh.
Oh, I am tasting banana- mustard-black pepper pie.
I'm good.
No, I'm not.
Yeah.
When the girls release me into the air, Time slows down, and I feel like Icarus racing towards the sun.
It's, like, totally fun being a cheerleader.
Avery, those were the cute boys! Before you were a cheerleader, they never noticed you! Don't hate me if I'm a tad jealous.
Lindsay, I couldn't hate you, even if you accidentally Mixed up our twin husbands and kissed the wrong one.
Oh, hey! Don't forget our clean up the park event.
How could I? I already painted happy faces on our haz-mat masks.
These make protection from chemical inhalation cute.
Oh, uh, hey, guys.
You know Lindsay, right? Yeah, she's your little friend who talks at the same time as you, right? Yeah, we do that.
I don't really know how it happens.
Anyway, Aves, that's what we're calling you now, "Aves.
" Wanna sit with us at lunch today? You have to, it's not a question.
Oh, uh, can my bff come, too? I'd love for Linds to be in on the fun.
That's what we're calling her now: "Linds.
" Sorry, cheerleader meeting.
Oh sorry, Lindsay.
No, it's a cheerleader meeting, it's cool.
I'll see you later, Aves.
See you, Linds.
Bye.
Bye.
Okay.
We're not calling you Aves anymore.
She ruined it.
Your new nickname is "Avery.
" Oh, I like that.
I hope it catches on.
Look, Avery, it's not really a cheerleader meeting, We just don't like Lindsay.
We don't.
Not at all.
But she's my best friend.
If you hang out with her, you can't hang out with us.
It's all part of our school spirit.
Spirit.
Well, the fort's done.
Whoo! Now what do we do? Huh? Oh, let's name our country.
Okay, let's see.
My name's Chloe, your name's Stan.
Let's name it "Chloe.
" Uh, where's my name? Your name can be in the national anthem.
Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe Stan Well, at least my name is the big finish.
Chloe Ah, that's really beautiful.
So we have a name and a national anthem.
What do we do now? We need an enemy to conquer.
Hey, Chloe.
It's daddy and mommy.
Perfect.
Are they in there? I think so.
I can hear Chloe's voice.
I claim the family room in the name of Chloe! Oh! Chloe! We're letting you play in the kitchen.
Don't push it.
Retreat! Retreat! Retreat! Stan, what's going on? The conflict drags on, morale is low, and supplies are dwindling.
I don't think we'll make it through the winter.
How was your day? Look, Stan, I need to talk to you.
The cheerleaders are coming over tonight for a sleep-over And I love being one of them, But they say I can't be friends with Lindsay anymore.
Well, as a dog, I value loyalty above all.
Couch cushions! Bring me more couch cushions! Why else would I follow that crazy, red-headed tyrant Into a battle that can't be won? Avery, Lindsay's your best friend.
You can't turn your back on her.
I can be friends with Lindsay and still be a cheerleader.
I've just got to keep my two worlds separate.
Stan, bring them now or I'll have you shaved! You do not want to see me shaved.
I've got a couple tattoos I regret.
One's a pink unicorn, And the other one's embarrassing.
Bass master Bennett James here, Reeling in the big one.
Dad? Hey, hey you, son.
Hey.
Hey.
Ready for a weekend we will always remember? Oh! And I have not eaten a thing today, so nothing will be coming up but bile.
And, uh, a little bit of rice.
Do we have to go now? The cheerleaders are coming here for a sleep-over.
Oh! Too bad.
We're going fishing.
Could this get any worse? Well, yeah.
I've got a fish hook stuck in my butt cheek.
You're gonna need a pair of pliers and a flashlight, son.
Oh, come on! Are the cheerleaders here yet? No, you're the first to arrive.
When did you get that uniform? I thought you said you never made the squad.
I was the unofficial backup in case one of the eight Cheerleaders got the flu or was accidentally handcuffed to the flagpole.
It never occurred to me they'd go with just seven.
Mom, the cheerleaders are my thing, remember? Of course they are.
Yes.
You're the kid, I'm the mom.
This is your time to shine, not-- They're here! They're here! Oh! Oh, it's you.
What's your mother looking for? Her youth.
Mom, would you please change? And put on some other clothes, too.
Fine.
Call me when the cheerleaders get here.
Oh, are the cheerleaders coming over to help clean up the park? Here's your trash spike.
I spent all night bedazzling it.
Was that today? You forgot? Yeah.
I'm really, really sorry.
We'll do it another day, okay? So you're blowing me off? Well, I can't blow off the cheerleaders.
They always do this sleep-over at the new girl's house.
If you could just go before they get here.
You're kicking me out? I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way.
I just don't want you here when they come.
I can't believe you're doing this to me.
I can't believe you're not understanding how important Being a cheerleader is to me.
I can't believe you're being such a bad friend.
Me? Yeah, you! If you want me out of here so badly, I'm leaving.
But don't expect me to be happy about it.
Well, I guess I just lost my best friend.
That's the school spirit.
Spirit! Oh, Avery.
You ruined our bonding trip.
I hope you're happy.
I don't know what you're complaining about.
Look at all these fish we caught.
Son, we didn't catch them.
We were arguing so much the other fishermen threw them At us to get us off the lake.
We still caught them.
Ooh, the cheerleaders are in their pajamas.
I thought your stupid fishing trip would make me miss this But we got back in time! Ugh, I'm disgusting, I can't let them see me like this.
As long as you're in there, turn on the light.
You can help me hang this door.
I don't want to hang the door.
I don't either.
Let's bond over that.
You know, you guys, Lindsay's really not that bad Once you get to know her.
She just wants to be like us.
Everybody wants to be like us, but not everyone can.
Right, girls? - Yeah.
- Totally.
You go, Brie! Mom! What? Oh! I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm sorry.
I'm going up to bed.
Good night, Mads.
Good night, Ells.
Yes! I can't wait to see your mom's face when she sees this.
You never finish what you start.
Well, I finished this, boom! Oh, shoot.
We can't open the door because we put the hinges on backwards.
Oh, great, we can't unscrew the hinges because the battery's dead.
And somebody made us leave our cell phones behind so we could bond.
Now is not the time to point fingers.
Now is the time to scream in kind of a crazy panic.
Help! Honey! Honey! Help! Help! Get us out of here! You got to get low, low, low You got to get low, low, low We're stuck in the shed! We're stuck in the shed! You got to get low, low, low Good, you're up.
We have to put on a play To teach Avery a lesson about loyalty.
I've been up all night writing it.
I'm only doing it if I can play a grizzled old mountain man.
Uh, okay, fine.
Awesome! Does my beard smell funny to you? It's been fun being part of this kingdom, But I got a better offer to join another kingdom-- Cheerlandia.
So, I'm out of here.
Grrr, I'm a mountain man.
I grow moss in my belly button.
I know it's unexpected, hurts your feelings, And is a shocking act of disloyalty.
I poop in the woods.
Okay.
All right.
I see what you guys are Doing here with your little drama, And it isn't very convincing.
I just can't believe that you're dumping Lindsay for the cheerleaders.
You dumped your best friend? It's not that I dumped her.
It's just I got some new friends It's complicated.
But, you're my big sister, Avery.
You're supposed to do the right thing.
Chloe, sometimes things change-- But I wanted to be like you.
I didn't know you thought about stuff like that.
In school, I wrote your name for the person I admire most.
This is the best play I have ever written.
Good.
I'm glad you guys are up.
I'm not giving up Lindsay as a friend.
Then you can't be a cheerleader.
Yes, I can.
I'm the only girl who's small enough to be a flyer.
How dare you threaten us.
How dare you call us not small enough.
Either I'm still friends with Lindsay, Or I quit the cheerleaders.
We don't need you.
We'll just find someone else we can lift.
Remy.
One, two, three.
Fine, we're best friends again.
Spirit! Way to go, Avery! Oh, well we're still in here.
It wasn't a dream.
Why haven't they come looking for us? Because as far as they know, We're at the lake until tomorrow.
What smells like rotting fish? It might be the rotting fish, son.
Listen, I'm, I'm sorry I dragged you into this.
Maybe I was trying too hard.
The thing is, I never did anything like this with my dad.
Really? You never got trapped in a shed in hundred degree heat With rotting fish and no hope of getting rescued? Eh, we just weren't that close.
And I wanted more for you and me.
It's frustrating for me because You never tell me what's going on, You, you never let me in.
I mean, we've got such a strained relationship.
We do? I thought we were really close.
Really! Yeah.
I mean, I love you and everything.
If I heard that three days ago, we wouldn't have had to go on this stupid fishing trip.
I love you, too and everything.
You know, I'm kinda glad we got to have this moment before we rot in here with these fish.
Hey! We are not going to rot in here.
Come on.
We are strong, we're resourceful, We never give up.
We're James men.
Let's see if we can find something to-- Snake! We're free! We're gonna live! You okay, dad? Yeah.
Yeah.
I, I think so.
Someday, son, when you tell this story, and by someday, I mean in five minutes when you talk to your mom, It was a snake, not a garden hose.
Dad? Yes, son, go.
Go to the cheerleaders.
I'm gonna go throw up.
Hey, you got to admit, That door stayed on pretty good, though, huh? Hey, girls.
How was the sleep-over? Ew! What is that smell? It's like a cow pooped a fish! Wait! Wait! I, I-- I usually smell so much better! There's a man throwing up out there! Ready? OKAY.
Be my "F", be my "R", be my "I", "E", "N", "D.
" What's that spell? Be my friend! Go Lindsay, be Avery's friend! Thanks, guys.
That was worse than when they made us cheer the gluten-free bake sale.
You expect me to forgive you just like that, After the way you betrayed me? Look, Lindsay, I'm really, really sorry.
I guess I just got so caught up in being A cheerleader I forgot who I was And what we meant to each other.
I didn't realize you were that shallow.
I thought we were the same, but I guess we're not.
I got you invited to the cheerleader sleep-over at Brie's house next week.
Avery, you're my best friend ever! So you forgive me? Of course I do.
I guess throwing away everything you believe in to be with the cheerleaders isn't shallow.
It's flexible.
That's what I told myself.
We are the same! What's that smell? Hello, ladies.
Do I still smell that bad? Oh, come on! I have never spent such a horrible night in the theater as last Tuesday.
I'm sorry about everything, little mountain man.
I will never let you down again.
You'll always be my hero, big mountain sis.
Now, let's go hollow out a bear to sleep in.
I did not write that.