Dog with a Blog (2012) s02e06 Episode Script

Now, are you sure you don't mind me being over so much? Not one smidge.
Karl, you're welcome here any time.
Dr.
James feels the same way.
- Don't you, dear? Of course he does.
- Uh I was just concerned you'd be busy A man of your prominence in the psychology field.
How do you not have a syndrome named after you yet? A mild disorder an irritating twitch, perhaps.
Well, I did have a patient with a serious case of "the Bennetts".
As I called it.
If but it didn't catch on.
Of course you are welcome here any time, Karl.
Oh, that means so much to me.
Mother's training 24/7 for the Strong Woman Competition, and Father's still up in the Space Station, so I'm rather lonely.
Could that be "the Bennetts"? Karl, we're neighbors.
Whenever you need some company or a nice, home-cooked meal Okay, a meal You just knock on our door.
Thank you.
Oh, what lovely flowers.
Now, where did they come from? Yeah.
I forgot to tell you, Ellen.
You got a delivery from Walter Perkins again.
Who's Walter Perkins? Ellen has a secret admirer who keeps sending her things.
It's really not appropriate.
Yogurt-dipped strawberries, gourmet honey, artisan cheese hamper It's really not appropriate.
Yogurt-dipped strawberries are tasty.
They were luscious.
So terribly inappropriate.
Mrs.
Jennings, you are a caution.
Oh.
You make teatime a true delight.
Why does he talk like he's a hundred-year-old British society lady? Hello, I'm a British society lad Man, that's hard.
Is Karl still here? Yep.
He's been hanging around here all day.
He's got Mom and Dad completely conned.
They don't know what he's like always pranking us.
"Pull if you're cool".
Oh, yeah.
Very cool.
Karl! How delightful! You have to be rescued from a life raft.
Wish he would leave so I could watch TV.
Cat On A Hot Tin Roof is on.
I don't know what it's about, but it sounds like it's got at least one good scene.
But I'm stuck here in the kitchen! I just heard a strange voice.
Who said, "I'm stuck here in the kitchen"? Oh, uh, I did.
Sometimes, when I'm stuck here in the kitchen, it makes me so mad my voice drops three octaves.
I'm stuck here in the kitchen! So tell me about those flowers.
Aren't they lovely? They're four your Mother from a Walter Perkins.
You do know there are three doors in this kitchen providing means of egress? You think you're so much smarter than us with your fancy words but really you're only smarter than me.
Do you guys know how close that was? He heard "a voice".
With Karl hanging around here so much, it's only a matter of time before he finds out Stan's secret.
You know what? I can't take the pressure of keeping that secret anymore.
Let the world know! I sometimes use Avery's tennis racket to scratch my butt.
That's not the secret we're worried about.
Oh.
In that case, I only use Avery's tennis racket for mixed doubles.
That's why your tennis racket smells so funny.
That's not the point of the story.
Karl almost heard Stan talk.
Then you should take out that whole tennis racket thing, because that's the part you remember.
We can't have Karl coming over all the time.
I mean, the pranking's bad enough, but he's going to find out Stan's secret.
He's only here because Mom and Dad like him.
Then we need to show Mom and Dad the Karl Fink we see.
Yucky, creepy, stinky Finky.
Exactly.
We need to get some dirt on him.
Then they won't be so eager to have him over.
We'll need a spy.
You need someone who blends in, who he'd never suspect Like this regular tourist, for example.
Stan, your disguise is that you're a talking dog who looks like a regular dog.
Why didn't you tell me that before I hired her to play my wife? Sorry, babe.
I guess you got that flea bath for nothing.
This will be my last blog for a while.
The master spy is going off-the-grid.
Even if you see me, you won't recognize me because I'm a master of disguise.
I come from a long line of disguise artists.
You probably don't know that my grandfather infiltrated the Yalta Conference.
So can you spot him? I'll give you a hint; He's not Churchill or Roosevelt.
Or is he? Mother, could you please the gym window? Your musk is drawing neighborhood animals into the yard again.
What are you doing here? What am I doing here? What are any of us doing here? Ah, he's trying to trip me up with existential questions.
Remember your training, Stan.
Your cover is a dog.
Affection from another living thing Peculiar but not unpleasant.
You are not gonna believe this.
I got something huge on Karl.
He knows how to moonwalk.
- What's useful about that? - He taught me how to do it.
Watch.
That's not moonwalking, Stan.
You're just walking backward.
I swear I was doing it before.
Go get something useful.
Fine, I'll go back.
I'll moonwalk back.
Okay, now you're just walking backward to music.
Hey hey! Okay.
You are not gonna believe this! I chased the juiciest squirrel and forgot to go back to Karl's shed.
I'll be right back.
Hey hey! This is big great dane big! Karl's middle name is wait for it Leslie! Boom! It's not "Leslie boom".
It's just Leslie.
Boom! I'll be back.
Uh, yes.
I'll hold.
Ah, real-life spying is so much more boring than the thriller I'm reading Boxer, schnauzer, spaniel, spy.
Correct an assortment of jams, jellies, and preserves.
Though I don't know the difference nobody does.
And the card should read; "Just my way of 'spreading' my admiration for you".
Signed, "Walter Perkins".
There's the sugar.
I got it! And this time, it's the real deal.
Apparently, Karl doesn't know the difference between jams, jellies, and preserves! - What?! - I know! He was ordering this fancy gift for your Mother under the name "Walter Perkins".
- And then - Wait, what? Karl is Walter Perkins? This is what we'll use to turn Mom and Dad against him.
So you guys didn't know that Karl was Walter Perkins? I thought everybody knew that.
Just like everybody knows Stan sometimes scratches his butt with Tyler's hairbrush.
Uh, what?! Well, yeah.
If the fur's not parted properly, I can hardly even feel the tennis racket.
For the Strong Woman Competition in Greenland, Mother will be pulling an inuit family on a sled with her teeth.
With her teeth! Bennett, can you imagine? Well, I once bit into a very tough piece of taffy But nothing like that.
Oh, can a taxpayer have a Saturday? Thank you.
Oh! It's another gift from Walter Perkins, Ellen.
Oh, my.
Someone's popular.
It's an assortment of jams, jellies, an preserves.
- Though who even knows the difference? - This is really getting to be too much.
I know.
It is so unsettling.
Should we report it? Oh, boysenberry.
Who on Earth is Walter Perkins? I'm Walter Perkins.
What? - Chloe, what are you talking about? - I've always been Walter Perkins.
Sweetie, you need to tell the truth.
Look at the card "Just my way of 'spreading' my admiration for you".
That's it exactly.
Sweetie, what is this all about? I wanted to do something special for Mommy because she's such a great Mommy.
Oh, but these gifts honey, did you spend your money from Grandma and your allowance? It was worth it to see you so happy.
Oh, it is so sweet.
It's as sweet as jellies or preserves Whatever's sweeter I don't know the difference.
Karl, isn't that just so nice of Chloe? So nice.
Chloe, why did you say it was from Walter Perkins? Who knows why kids do things.
We're high-spirited and whimsical.
It's just so thoughtful.
I don't know what to say.
Karl, isn't that so thoughtful of Chloe? So thoughtful.
Well, I'm just glad we finally know who the real Walter Perkins is.
Yep.
Mystery solved.
Well, I'll just go put these away in the kitchen.
Oh, I'll help.
We'll all help.
Look what Stan did to your pillow.
You two are despicable! - What did we do? - You stole credit for my gifts.
I'm Walter Perkins, and I have always been.
This is what happens when you put a raft in someone's backpack.
Well it's not always what happens but it's what can happen.
How did you know? How did Chloe know what was on that card? Tyler told her.
He's psychic.
I knew she was gonna say that.
That's preposterous! He can't even read his own mind.
I knew you were gonna say that.
It's why I looked hurt right before you said it.
Fine.
Don't tell me how she knew.
But I'm gonna figure this out and set the record straight.
And what are you gonna do? Tell our parents that you're Walter Perkins? It'll look like you're trying to take credit from their sweet, loving Angel.
But I'm the sweet, loving Angel.
Not anymore.
You'll pay for this.
You'll all pay for this! Though first, you'll pay for the jams and jellies.
We're assuming no tip.
Co-rrect! And then you'll pay metaphorically, or my name isn't Karl L.
Fink! I'll put rafts in all your backpacks.
I'll "raft-pack" all of you.
You have no idea what I'm capable of.
Didn't he just tell us exactly what he's capable of? In jam, the fruit is crushed or in pulp form.
Ah Knockedy-knockedy.
- Oh, hello, Karl.
- What brings you here? Well, I have my afternoon free.
Mother's out of town.
She was pulling an airplane with her teeth when it unexpectedly took off.
She tried to hold on till Phoenix, but her jaw gave out.
Thank goodness for Lake Havasu.
And now they're taking Sundays! Thank you.
Ah, Chloe.
Another gift from Walter Perkins? Sweetie, I don't want you to do this anymore.
What's going on? Shh! It's all part of the plan.
This is what we wanted him to do.
Just play along.
I guess little red just can't help being such a sweet, generous Angel.
Oh! Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! What do I do? How do I get out of this, what's happening? - Ellen, are you okay? - Are you laughing? Oh, just relieved that you're not hurt.
I love you so much.
Chloe, why would you do such a thing? Yes, Chloe, why would you? I wouldn't! And she didn't.
- Karl did! - What?! Karl Fink is the real Walter Perkins and has been all along.
Lies.
All lies.
I am not Walter Perkins and I have never been! I'm Walter Perkins, and I have always been! Lies that are beginning to appear to have something to them.
Karl, I'm so disappointed.
No but I wouldn't.
I-I didn't.
I don't know what to say.
Chloe, why did you pretend to be Walter Perkins? Karl got Mommy wet.
You laughed at her.
Why am I the bad guy? Karl? On my honor, Karl L.
Fink never meant to Karl, this is just too much.
I think you should go home.
- I just have one question - It's "Leslie".
Mmm.
Okay.
We got Karl.
The question is "What's his next move gonna be?" He is good.
He's very good.
Well we're better.
We're very better.
Tyler, if you're using the modifier, you have Really? A grammar lesson now? I know Karl's up to something.
We have to find out what.
Excuse me.
I usually take the lead in these things.
Sorry.
I was just trying to keep it moving.
Anyway, Karl is up to something and we have to find out what.
Yeah.
Right.
I'm going in.
If I don't come back, tell my fake wife I fake love her.
Oops.
I mean Oh, hey, Stan.
I'm glad your entire family hasn't shunned me Because it kinda stinks being by myself, alone with my thoughts Clever and complex as they are.
Father in geosynchronous orbit and, Mother leaping home across the mojave desert like The Hulk.
Well, you know what they say What doesn't kill ya makes ya Weirder.
The thing is Ellen and Dr.
James are really nice to me.
And even though we prank and bicker all the time, Avery, Tyler, and little red Well, they're about the closest thing I've ever had to a f I don't know.
Maybe Karl Fink belongs in a shed by himself.
Maybe Karl Fink is destined for a life as a loner.
Maybe Karl Fink referring to himself as "Karl Fink" is a large part of the reason why.
I miss Walter Perkins.
Everything tastes better from a basket.
Stupid store-bought apple! Karl's not up to anything.
He's totally given up.
Oh, please.
He has not given up.
He's just weak.
He feeds on misery and the tears of the innocent, and we shut down his buffet.
Sorry.
I've been spending too much time around Karl.
No.
He really feels alone and down.
His connection to this family means more than you all realize.
This is Karl we're talking about.
He made me explode water in Mommy's face.
I mean, he exploded water in Mommy's face.
He confuses little girls! I'm just lucky that backpack didn't inflate inside my shirt.
Why would it be inside your shirt? Really? We're gonna talk about what goes on inside my shirt now? Guys, Karl is really hurting.
Before I came to this family, I was an outsider.
I spent a lot of time alone, hoping to be a part of something like, well Like what we have.
Karl's everything you think he is but he also has real feelings.
I think you need to get your parents to forgive him.
But then he'll be around again.
What about your secret, Stan? When he's here, I'll just bite my tongue.
I can do that for a lonely kid.
Heck, I've done it a thousand times eating meatloaf in frenzy.
I have to admit, Bennett, I did like how upset you got when we didn't know who Walter Perkins was.
Of course.
I mean how would you like it if I started getting gifts from a "Vanessa Scarborough"? Vanessa Scarborough? You came up with that awfully quickly.
Who's Vanessa Scarborough? N-no one.
I was just trying to make a p Vanessa Scarborough? That's a very specific name for a made-up, imaginary no one who doesn't exist.
Kids, come here.
Sit between me and Mommy.
All right, we've been thinking, and we want you guys to forgive Karl.
What? Why? He does deserve credit for all of the nice gifts he sent.
True.
I guess.
But the squirting plant It went off right in your Mother's face Which is not okay.
I love you.
It went up my nose.
I am still smelling balloon water.
How am I the only one on the Internet who has this problem? He only did that to get back at Chloe for stealing all the credit.
Yeah.
- He probably thought she'd open it.
- Yeah.
So if you're gonna be mad at anyone, you should be mad at Chloe.
Yeah.
What? Chloe, being jealous is no reason to take credit for someone else's generosity.
And look at all the hurt feelings that it's caused.
Are you even sorry you drove Karl to explode a balloon in our Mother's nose? She may never have balloons in this house again.
Happy Birthday, Chloe.
Well, Karl is a nice boy, and This balloon-y smell does kind of remind me of clowns And who doesn't love to smell clowns? And he really seems to enjoy being over.
You know, he doesn't have what we have.
Avery, Tyler, I'm proud of you for the kindness you're showing Karl.
It's a real sign of maturity.
And Chloe we are gonna have a talk about a better way to deal with your feelings.
Why don't you go wait for me in my office.
- But - Chloe.
Just because I'm small doesn't mean vengeance doesn't burn hot in my heart.
I've been spending too much time around Karl, too.
Well, I think maybe we should put all this behind us and see if Karl would like to join us for dinner.
- We're having meatloaf.
- Yes! Ow, I bit my tongue.
Just a second.
Now, if Chloe never was Walter Perkins, how did she know what was written on the card? Yeah.
That part doesn't make any sense.
Um, I told her because I'm psychic.
Wait, I'll prove it yes.
- What was that? - 47? How did he know? Your meatloaf was absolutely delicious, Ellen.
Really? It tasted "balloon-y" to me.
You know how important smell is to your sense of taste.
But it's good.
It's good.
I'm getting used to it.
It's fine.
Don't tell her it tasted "balloon-y" to all of us.
I think a dish glove fell in the meatloaf.
Wouldn't be the first time.
As a token of our new found friendship.
I Have gifts for you.
- Oh, I don't know, Karl.
- Yeah, I'm not really much of a hat guy.
- Chloe, wait.
- It could be a prank.
It's just a hat.
I'm fine.
I'm Walter Perkins.
Well that is kinda nice.
- Oh.
- Oh! This is moldy cheese! Why can't I get this off? Cheese in the front, super-adhesive in the back.
I just wanted everything to return to our normal, prank-filled rivalry.
But cheese hats? Really? I thought you were better than this.
I wanted to take the lead on this one.
When vengeance burns hot in her heart, there's no denying her.
Sell me out once, shame on you.
Sell me out twice, cheese on you.
So Karl Leslie Fink was welcomed back into the fold thanks to Stan Mordechai James.
Yes, "Mordechai".
Long story some of it in Hebrew.
My point is Karl and I have a lot in common.
My Father wasn't around much, and my Mother liked to pull things with her teeth.
Bottom line no matter what our differences, we all share one thing The need to be part of a warm, loving family.
Sometimes family can be a real pain, though, like with my fake wife.
Not now, honey.
I'm blogging.