Dog with a Blog (2012) s02e13 Episode Script

What did you do to Charlie Potatoes? Oh, right.
That is actually a really funny story, if you're not Charlie Potatoes.
Last night, you had pizza, so Charlie smelled like cheese and pepperoni.
One thing led to another, I chewed on him, fell asleep, had that dream about a car chasing me which is all sorts of ironic when you think about it and aren't mad.
Cuddling Charlie Potatoes is how I get to sleep, and I need to sleep so I can dream about fairies and unicorns.
I don't get to see those in the daytime.
Wow, I really feel terrible, Chloe.
What can I do to make it up to you? I'll take your favorite toy Robert.
That's funny because Robert, hide! I felt really bad about Charlie Potatoes.
I'm sure Chloe was just joking about Robert, though.
But just to be safe, he's gonna lay low with some friends till the heat's off.
Did you guys hear what the theme is for the eighth grade dance? It's "Avery hasn't been asked yet," that's what it is.
No, I think it's "Under the sea.
" I know it's "Under the sea.
" The point is, I have no one to go with.
I'm gonna look ridiculous in my mermaid costume without a sailor on my arm.
You know it's not a costume dance.
I am really glad we had this conversation.
I hate dances.
I'm waiting for a guy who hates dances, too, to ask me so we can spend the night going, "ugh, I hate dances "And organized sports, and musical theater.
We have so much in common.
" What was I thinking, breaking up with Tony right before the dance? I was thinking, I cannot spend another minute with someone who calls hot chocolate "hot chocky.
" Pardon me.
I couldn't help overhearing, because I was eavesdropping; That's the whole point.
I am prepared to escort any one of you to the dance.
It matters not which.
I understand you've never asked anyone out before, but have you at least seen it in a movie? I realize I can be strong coffee, but in an effort to make friends, I will endeavor to ameliorate that.
Why do you suddenly wanna make friends? For the same reason everyone does.
To have someone say "how terribly droll" when I toss of a witty bon mot.
That's not why most kids want friends.
Well, the masses are wrong again.
Quelle surprise! Oh, my gosh.
What if Karl is the best we can do? Then we'd have to cue some teen movie makeover music, and turn that zero to hero.
Girls, are you with me? On three.
I'm totally kidding.
Lindsay, pull your hair back.
All right, Bennett, Upton carriage house is on.
You ready to watch our show? You always say we have to watch it together, and then you fall asleep within the first five minutes.
I really wanna find out why lady Kensington wasn't wearing her white gloves at high tea.
It sent shock waves through the carriage house.
Well, excuse me if I'm tired after taking care of the house and kids all day.
I should have a staff of maids and butlers catering to my every whim.
I know if I trace my ancestry back far enough, I'd find royalty.
Why else do I have this instinct to look down my nose at commoners? Look, I just wanna watch our show together.
Otherwise, it's just my show.
And if it were my show, it'd be sports.
Mommy, daddy.
I can't sleep without Charlie Potatoes.
Can one of you come lay down with me? I'll lay down with you, sweetie, even though it's probably beneath my station.
It's fine, it's fine.
Bennett, don't watch without me, or we're getting separate dvr's.
You know what that leads to.
Oh, yeah, being able to record what I want and watch when I want.
Ooh, what a nightmare.
Hey, great news, dad.
I'm gonna be deejaying the eighth grade dance on Friday.
It's gonna be my first paying deejay gig.
I hope it goes well.
Goes well? Aren't you just plugging into your equipment and pressing play? You're making deejaying sound way easier than it actually is.
There's a whole art to bending pitch, matching beats, and creating a sonic landscape.
Plus, I put my hands in the air, and wave 'em like I just don't care.
The truth is, I do care a little, and that's the hard part.
Oh, I guess your mom's down for the night.
And I can't watch upton carriage house.
I guess you and I could sit and talk for a while, huh? Okay.
- Good night, son.
- Good night, dad.
Hey, I overheard about the deejay gig, Ty.
Very cool.
So who repped you in the negosh? That's music biz lingo for negotiation.
Biz is short for Byzantium I think.
Pretty sure.
Might have to look that up.
What negotiation? They offered me $20 to play the dance.
I said, are you kidding? I'd do it for free.
So you're doin' it for free.
I'm also paying for my own ticket.
You see, this is why you need me to step in as your manager.
I'll get you a better "d," which is short for "dealie-o," which is long for "deal.
" So I just got off the phone with the assistant principal, and the good news is, you're not working for low money, and you don't have to buy - your own ticket to the dance.
- Yes! The bad news is, you're fired, and I lied to you about not having to buy your own ticket to the dance.
What? Don't blame yourself.
Could've happened to anyone.
But I might have to drop you as a client.
Toots.
Is that short for "toodle-oo"? No, I farted.
Lindsay, congratulations.
I heard that Peter Murphy asked you to the dance.
Oh, yeah, but then I broke up with him.
He's really cute, but he's always doing cartwheels, and he's not even on the gymnastics team.
- Yes, he is.
- Oh.
Well, even so.
So word on the rumor mill is Wes is going to ask you to the dance.
I've been wanting him to ask me out for months.
What if he does? What would I say? I'd say yes, but how would I say it? "Wes, would I? Yes.
Oh, my gosh, yes! Yes, yes, yes!" Too big? You may wanna leave yourself some head room in case you win the lottery.
Hey, Avery.
- Super casual.
- What? That was more for me.
I meant, hey, Wes.
Would you guys like to get going? Would I? Yes.
Oh, my gosh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Avery, would you like to go to the dance with me? Yes! Super casual.
- Sure.
- Great.
I'm looking forward to it.
Me, too.
Everyone's meeting at my house beforehand.
I'll see you there.
I hope you like dancing as much as I do.
It's a little better to music.
Yeah, it was still pretty good.
I'd show you my moves, but I'm a little exhausted.
Last night, my crew and I were dance battling to save a local rec center.
This is gonna be fun.
I'll see you later.
Did you guys see that? He loves to dance.
You know I can't dance.
- Sorry, mister - Hayden.
- Hayden.
That was the best I've ever danced.
I finally have my first date with Wes, and I'm gonna make a total fool out of myself.
I thought we were just gonna hang out by the snacks and talk.
What am I gonna do? You have time to practice.
And a place to practice now that you and your crew saved the rec center.
Bro, I got my gig back.
Yes! As your new co-deejay, I could not be more thrilled.
You're not my co-deejay.
I guess you didn't read the fine print when you signed those management contracts.
I didn't sign anything.
Are you saying this isn't your signature? That's your paw print.
Of course it is.
You gave me power of attorney when you signed this.
So for costumes, what do you think, sequins or lightning bolts? - What? - I'll figure it out.
I'll figure it out.
What are you doing? I'm just trying to dance like you.
You're dancing like when I was two, and I had to go to the bathroom.
And even with a full diaper, I was better than that.
Tyler, this dance is gonna be my first date with Wes.
I can't embarrass myself.
You have to teach me to dance.
I don't dance.
I rock out.
You don't teach that, it just happens.
Teach me how to make it just happen.
I'm pretty sure that would involve you living your entire life up to now completely differently.
Excuse me.
I was lying in wait, so I couldn't help overhearing.
What are you doing here, Karl? I heard music, and I assumed you were having a party and didn't invite me, so I came.
Looking for someone to teach you to dance? Check this.
Karl finally did it.
He built a robot that looks exactly like him, and programmed him to dance.
Now you've hurt my feelings.
Oh, my gosh.
It's self-aware.
I cannot believe that I'm about to say these words, but, Karl, can you teach me to dance like you do? For a price.
I understand you and your friends are going to the dance as a group.
As I told you, I am seeking friendship so I wish to be included.
- You wanna be our friend? - Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I wanna be seen as good friend material to attract others better than you.
I require nothing more than for you to circle around me as though I'm the center of your universe - and for you to hang on to my every word.
- That's not gonna happen.
Can I still please go with you guys? Fine.
You know, Karl, instead of having to make deals like this, you can just be nice and chill, and people would like you.
I envy how easily the baser skills come to simple minds.
It is pretty great.
This coffee is not enough.
I barely slept last night in Chloe's room.
Her bed was so small, I slept on the floor.
I woke up with carpet face.
When will it go away? So we're not watching upton carriage house? No, we're going to watch it.
I'm staying up; I am determined.
Honey.
Honey! - Mommy.
- Yes, sweetie, what is it? I can't sleep without you.
You're my new Charlie Potatoes.
Come sleep with me, mommy Potatoes.
Okay, sweetie, daddy's gonna watch upton carriage house while you curl up next to mommy and get some sleep, okay? Yay! Oh, I am gonna pay for watching this without her.
But, like Derek, the bold upton stable boy, I'm gonna live for today.
Oh, Derek! This does not bode well for me.
Hello, friend.
Can I call you that? I'm trying to make new friends, and hoping to trade on your popularity.
Perhaps I can be the friend who tells it like it is.
That band on your shirt is passe.
Aren't I just a breath of fresh air? You're Avery's neighbor, right? Oh, Avery and I are more than neighbors, especially lately, since I've been going to her house every evening and I'm not sure if she wants me to say.
Are you guys studying together? Studying? No.
Let's just say you may have a surprise in store come dance night.
I've said too much.
I was just thinking that about two seconds after you sat down.
Now that we're friends, maybe you can tell some people how nice and chill I am.
Oh, and tell people I'm going to the dance with Avery.
That'll help my popularity, too.
Pound it out amongst yourselves.
I don't touch.
Okay, you ready? I'm ready.
What do you guys wanna show me? So, what do you think of our deejay costumes? You look like you're fighting crime in a 1970's roller rink.
Nailed it! Tough and groovy.
That's what I was going for.
Why do you think I had it sewn on to our butts? Why does my butt have to be groovy? Because my butt is tough.
Stan, come up with something else.
All right, we can switch, but I don't think you'll fit in my pants.
My butt is also tiny! Why did I sign those papers? Stan, I'm so nervous.
If tomorrow's dance doesn't go well, Wes and I will never end up together.
I'll grow old and lonely.
A desperate librarian with one of those pixie haircuts that just pushes men away.
As one half of a very popular deejay duo, I have to say, dance like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, and repeat cliches like no one's original.
Knockety-knockety.
Oh, look, your dog is wearing an exact replica of mother's old roller derby costume.
She was known as queen Kong, due both to her muscular bulk, and the fact that she once scaled a skyscraper.
It's not weird.
I'm pretty sure if you image-searched "weird," a picture of that would come up.
Toots.
Now can we please get started on my lesson? The dance is tomorrow night, and I'm so nervous.
Oh, Avery, you have every reason to be.
Let's see your progress.
Well, I didn't avert my eyes and experience a sensation of nausea.
There's a threshold I didn't think we'd cross.
Now the one subject we haven't covered yet is slow dancing.
That Karl guy said he's going to the dance with Avery, and apparently, he tells it like it is.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm just gonna talk to her and clear the air.
You know what? I don't think I need to.
Bennett, thank you for being so patient waiting for me to watch upton carriage house.
I promise tonight, I will stay awake.
Derek the stable boy is gonna marry lady Elizabeth.
Could happen.
You watched without me?! What gave me away? "Could happen.
" How could you watch ahead? I can catch you up on everything you missed in the first four episodes.
Everyone dies.
Everyone dies? Of what? Consumption, dropsy, shipwrecks, bad goose, dirigible mishaps, scurvy, stairs, war.
Oh, and the switchover from horses to cars is just a bloodbath.
Speaking of bloodbaths, Bennett, how are you gonna make this up to me? Tell you what.
Why don't you watch the first four episodes tomorrow, and I will do all of your housework.
Huh? That way, you can be all caught up, and you won't be tired.
And then, we can watch episode five together.
Really? You would do that for me? That does make up for a lot.
Thank you so much, honey.
You're welcome.
So exactly what do you do around here? I'm ready to go to sleep with you.
Sweetie, we have to talk.
You're getting to be a big girl.
This isn't about getting a bra, is it? No, we're a few years away on that one.
What mommy is saying is that it's time for you to go to sleep like a big girl without mommy or daddy and without Charlie Potatoes.
But last night was fun on the couch, except for when daddy started crying.
Who's Derek, and why did he have so much to live for? You'll get through this, Chloe.
When you face new challenges, that's how you grow and get stronger.
Now it's new challenges that make me grow and get stronger? Yesterday, it was vegetables.
You can't say that for everything.
Hey, is Wes here? No, but Karl fink is.
He wants us to enter the dance encircling him and giggling girlishly.
I don't giggle.
I have a hearty deep laugh.
I don't use it, but I have it.
Be nice to Karl.
He's the reason that, tonight, I'm gonna be dancing with the boy of my dreams.
It happened, mother.
Avery called me the boy of her dreams.
The conviviality of our dance lessons has caused her to fall hopelessly in love with me, just as you predicted.
Well, we gotta get down to the dance.
We're missing stuff.
Look at this picture on buddy bop.
Peter Murphy and his cartwheels.
I did not make a mistake.
Wait a minute, is that Wes? Why is he already there? He probably just thought we're supposed to meet there.
Yeah.
Come on, let's go.
All right, mother, we're leaving now.
Don't worry, I'll let her down easy, much as you did that Ferris wheel you caught when it broke free from its base.
We are killin' it.
Yeah, we're awesome.
Actually, you're awesome.
I'm cool.
Couldn't fit "awesome" on my butt.
Tiny! There he is.
Why didn't he wave back? Didn't he see me? Avery! You mustn't fall for me.
Okay.
That's right, girl.
Walk away bravely.
- Hey, Wes.
- Avery.
Um, I guess maybe you thought we were supposed to meet here, and not at my house.
Or maybe I decided to go with someone else and didn't even tell you, so when you finally found out, it would hurt more.
Wes How would that feel, Avery? Bad, wouldn't it? Hard, mother.
She's taking it hard.
What did you do to Avery? I've been to detention.
I'm not afraid to go back.
This is the worst night of my life.
Bra stuff, huh? Life was so much easier before I liked boys.
It was so much easier before I lost Charlie Potatoes.
I feel like I just got my heart ripped out.
Charlie Potatoes did get his heart ripped out.
I just thought Wes was so perfect.
I can't believe he's such a jerk.
I never wanna see him again.
Is that Wes? It's probably not even Wes.
I'm crazy.
It's Wes.
Wait, he's such a jerk.
What am I doing? I'm such a jerk.
Hey, Avery, that's what you just called him.
Chloe, why don't you go upstairs and play in your room? Upset my sister again, and you'll be sleeping with Charlie Potatoes.
I'm so sorry.
I thought you blew me off and went to the dance with Karl.
Is that why you blew me off and went with another girl? I didn't go with another girl.
I didn't go with Karl.
I know that now.
Your friends told me.
Well, Lindsay told me.
Max just stood there growling.
Why didn't we just talk to each other? I have absolutely no idea.
I really like you, Avery.
I really like you, too.
So why does this all have to be so confusing? - I have absolutely no idea.
- Can we just start over? Avery, would you like to go to the dance with me? Max? It's not weird.
Seeing Avery so happy just makes me wanna cry.
Um, 'cause that's how a brother feels.
Uh, fast song.
I am exhausted.
After doing your housework all day, I finally understand why you're always so tired, and why your hands are so dry.
I did everything today.
Why are you tired? Because after you did everything, I had to go back and do it the right way.
But we are gonna get through this episode tonight.
Yes, we are.
Finally, I can blog.
I was really proud of Avery for growing up a little bit this week.
Chloe too.
She even found something else to help her fall asleep.
And the best part is, she's letting me borrow her pajamas.
Oh, Robert, you're back early.
Okay, a week in Texas doesn't make you a cowboy.