Dollface (2019) s01e10 Episode Script
Bridesmaid
1 [TURTLE MEOWS.]
Come on, lady.
I don't have all day.
Do I ? Do I know you from somewhere? I don't know.
Do you? There's just something really familiar about you.
You waiting for a bus? Oh, no, I'm waiting for my ride.
I'm going out of town for a wedding.
I guess, in the greater sense, I'm also waiting for my best friend to call me back.
We got in this huge fight even though I was trying to do the right thing, and now she won't speak to me.
It's like, I finally started to understand why having girlfriends is so important, and now I've fucked it up.
I guess I could just use some advice.
And I could use the last 30 seconds of my life back.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Are you okay there? Yeah, I'm good.
I'm great actually.
I, uh [EXHALES.]
Whew.
It's a pretty nice day out, so I, uh, thought I'd walk because it's only four miles.
And, typically, four seems like a low number, but I guess that's when you're talking about something that's not miles.
Uh, thanks again for cat-sitting.
Um, you sure you're gonna be okay to walk back? Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
It's actually It's part of a new workout craze that I'm really into.
Some some guys do CrossFit, I, uh I sweat profusely and carry women's cats around Los Angeles.
[CHUCKLES.]
Any big plans for the weekend? I've actually gotta go see a patient after this.
Someone's hamster got into a Monopoly box, and they think he ate a hotel.
Oh.
Hopefully it was at least on a good property.
I'm sorry.
Should I not be making jokes? How could you? I mean, a life is on the line.
Of course you should make jokes! A hamster ate a hotel! That is objectively hilarious, and, also, he'll be fine.
How about you? Are you, uh, excited for the big wedding weekend? Uh, excited might be a stretch.
The bride's actually my ex's sister.
But that's a secret because I told my friends it was my cousin.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, I know how it sounds, but I couldn't bail on her.
And we're all going down on this huge party bus with all the bridesmaids and groomsmen, so I probably won't even have to talk to Jeremy.
I really don't think it's gonna be weird.
- JEREMY: Hey.
- MELYSSA: Hi.
So, it turns out Alec's cousin Micky actually booked the party bus for this date in 2023.
So, a bunch of us had to split off and carpool in smaller groups.
It's gonna be weird.
[KNOCKING.]
Mads? We came to check on you We wanted to see what's go Oh, God.
Oh, hey guys! Hey! What ya doin', babe? Oh! You know when your bathroom drawers are just full of millions of lipsticks you never use because you don't know what they are? Well, Colin's on a surf trip, and I found myself with some extra time, so I came up with a system.
And as soon as I add Scarlet Cherry, that'll complete my second chart of "Summer Reds.
" Okay, uh, Madison We think you might be having an identity crisis.
What do you mean? My identity's a perfect combination of Velvet Rose and Coral Blossom.
I feel like we need you to move off of lipstick for just a second.
Yeah.
We're gonna hit you with some tough love right now.
This is about what happened with Jules.
[SCOFFS.]
Classic Jules.
We get in one fight, and she flees the country.
- Her cousin's wedding is in Mexico.
- And she's been trying to call you.
Look, maybe it's throwing you for a loop that for the first time, you're the one that's in the wrong.
And Jules came to you about Colin.
Yeah, with the wrong information.
Look, Celeste is lying.
They're getting divorced! The point is, Jules came to you to be a good friend, and you blew up at her.
Look, I know deep down you know you're wrong and that is why you are spiraling.
I think it's a little dramatic to say that I'm spiraling.
Oh, no.
What? I was just getting organized.
You must have scared the shit out of people at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Okay, fine.
I may be feeling a bit uneasy about the way Jules and I left things, but what am I supposed to do? Chase her to Mexico? Hey, yeah JEREMY: Um, okay, is it bigger than a bread box? What's a bread box? What do you mean? It's a box you put bread in.
Well, the bread I buy always comes in a bag.
Okay, is it like a box that you could put bread in? Well, it depends on how much bread, because if it's the amount that could be the size of Adam Levine, I'd say yes.
Because my answer was Adam Levine.
Have you ever played this game before? That's the third time you've volunteered your answer without anybody guessing it.
Because you never get it! So, I thought I'd just say it.
It was me sitting here.
All right.
Jules, you're up.
Is it an object made of plastic? - Yes.
- Is it a Frisbee? [LAUGHING.]
Yes! Jeez! What? I mean, you're always ranting about how Ultimate Frisbee should be in the Olympics.
Okay, think about its roots in the counter-culture.
How many professional matches can sustain without a referee.
BOTH: It is an elevated level of sportsmanship.
MELYSSA: Okay, jinx.
You guys owe me a Perrier.
What? Well, normally you'd say you owe me soda but, like, I don't drink soda 'cause it has too much sugar.
[BIDI BIDI BOM BOM BY SELENA PLAYING.]
áHola! áBienvenidos a México! Wait, it's you! Uh, no habla inglés, señorita.
- You guys made it.
Hi! - JEREMY: There's the bride! Thank you so much.
I am so sorry again about cousin Micky's mix-up with the party bus.
I've informed my future husband here that if his half-brained cousin ever shows up at a Thanksgiving at our house, I'll make something like a turducken.
But instead of a duck stuffed inside of a chicken stuffed inside of a turkey, it'll be my fist inside Micky's skull inside Alex's ass.
Am I right, sweetie? [SIGHS.]
Anyway, we're having pre-rehearsal dinner drinks at the Welcome Casita at 5:00 PM.
Until then, we're just hanging out by the pool.
[SPANISH GUITAR PLAYING.]
I think they're gonna be really happy together.
Babe, do you have any Mexican money to tip the bellman? - Isn't that ? - Yeah, that's my Uncle Jeff.
Hang on! [EXHALES.]
[KNOCKING.]
Hey! So, Melyssa's already by the pool, and I just realized we didn't bring any sunscreen.
- Do you have any? - Oh, um, yeah.
Uh, hi, can I help you? Yeah, my back would be great actually.
But I I mean, shouldn't Melyssa be doing this? She's already in the pool.
Come on, is it really that big of a deal? I mean, yeah, kinda, isn't it? It's sunscreen.
Aren't we more mature than this? So, it's good to see you.
Mm-hmm.
You too.
I'm glad we ended up driving down together.
Uh-huh.
Although, I will say, after we passed La Jolla, I couldn't stop thinking about that AirBnB we got last summer.
- You remember, the one with the big tub.
- Okay, what happened to "it's sunscreen"? Okay, you know I'm not here for sunscreen.
- I don't even burn.
I bronze.
- Seriously? No one else knows me like you do, all right? Being stuck in that car was making me crazy.
I miss you.
What are you talking about? You don't miss me! You're here with Melyssa! She spells her name with a Y, Jules, all right? And Melissa's not a name that needs a Y.
This is insane.
You broke up with me.
I know, okay? I know that.
But having spent some time apart to date other people, it just made me realize what a huge mistake that was.
I wanna get back together.
áSorpresa! Guess who made it to Mexico Oh.
- Oh, my God.
- What the hell? I this isn't what it looks like.
Is it just me, or does that look like cum? What the fuck is going on? - I I can explain.
- You guys getting back together? - We might be.
- No.
No! - Are you serious? - Madison, I swear we're not.
- We're still talking about it.
- Jeremy! - What? We are! - [SIGHS.]
You have to believe me.
Why should I when you lied about bringing him? I didn't bring him! Jeremy was gonna be here anyway! Why would Jeremy be here anyway? At my sister's wedding? Wait.
Jules's cousin is your sister? That is, like, very Game of Thrones.
I knew this was a bad idea.
- Oh, come on, that's vintage! - JULES: Tough shit! You guys, please! I was supposed to be Ramona's bridesmaid from before we broke up, and I didn't want to bail on her.
Pretty impressive loyalty from someone willing to lie to her best friends for months.
Well, if I'm so awful, then what are you guys even doing here? Unless you wanted to attack me in a second country, I'm pretty sure we covered this back in America.
No one is trying to attack you.
Madison came here to apologize.
Yeah, great idea by the way, Stell.
I'm not the one who lied.
Don't take this out on me.
JULES: Well, I'm not sure if you're aware, but that's actually kind of Madison's thing these days.
Well, how about your thing, Jules? The thing where you go running to a guy whenever stuff gets hard for you.
You know what's hard for me? You guys! It's just this nonstop shit storm of feelings and opinions and judging and drama.
And you know what? If this is what it means to have girlfriends, then I don't know if it's worth it.
[CAR ENGINE STARTING.]
[YO NO TE PIDO LA LUNA BY DANIELA ROMO PLAYING.]
- MADISON: How dare she?! - I know.
- Like, how could she?! - I'm not sure.
- I mean, how dare she?! - STELLA: You asked that one already, and you're supposed to be navigating.
Okay, now I'm completely confident.
That is the same cactus we passed an hour ago.
No.
There's no way you could possibly know that.
Dude, yes, that is definitely the cactus that looks like Kevin Jonas.
Okay, look, you guys.
We are three strong independent women, okay? We can figure this out.
We know that Mexico is south of the border, so we just need to make sure we are driving north.
Madison, which way is north? On what goddamn planet would you expect me to know the answer to that? Okay, maybe we can figure this out using stars.
I'm an Aquarius, if that means anything.
Hey, girl, hey! Uh, I'm gonna look at the sky.
Oh, don't touch that window because it gets stuck sometimes.
- Stella! - [WOMEN SCREAMING.]
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
[RADIATOR HISSING.]
STELLA: Shit.
Well, we officially murdered my car.
Though I think it would've wanted to go this way.
Foreign lands, open road.
Jesus! What the hell was that? Do you think it was a coyote? Oh, my God Stella? Wait.
Bronwyn? This is so crazy seeing you here! Here on the side of the highway in the middle of the desert in Mexico? Yeah.
I would agree with that.
When was the last time we connected? Was it Fabian's gallery thing? Yes! Yeah, wait.
What are you doing out here? Are you naked on purpose? - Just picking up some more beer.
- Where's your wallet? You guys, this is so good running into you.
I have to show you something incredible.
Do you have a second? Um Ladies, welcome to the Bonobo Society.
- [PEACEFUL MUSIC PLAYING.]
- [WOMEN LAUGHING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING.]
DANCE INSTRUCTOR: Okay, it's really easy.
Everyone watching me? Here's that basic step again, guys.
You remember it.
Let's go.
And Come together.
All right, you guys got it.
Side to side.
Now you've got it.
There you go, just like that.
Cross-body lead, here we go, ladies.
Miss? And turn.
Perfect! All right, here we go again.
Break, ladies under RAMONA: Jules I don't mean to be that bride, but your resting sad face is getting captured in the candids.
Oh, ugh, sorry.
I didn't mean to be a downer.
It's just been a bit of a day.
Oh, God.
What did my brother do? Jeremy is confused, but it's not him.
It's my friends actually.
I just feel like no matter what I do, I'm always gonna mess things up with them.
Girls can be so dramatic.
When I worry about my wedding, I'm supposed to worry about who the groom is gonna be.
At this point, I'm more worried about the Maid of Honor.
That's the thing about getting older: you move into the next phase of life, people settle down, and stuff with your girlfriends doesn't feel so important anymore.
Yeah, but look at your bridesmaids, their speeches during dinner.
You're settling down, and your friends are still important to you.
Honestly, except my bachelorette, I hadn't seen half these girls since Sydney's wedding six months ago.
I mainly picked everyone so all of our hair color would create a gradient effect in the pictures.
All I'm saying is, there's a time when your girlfriends are supposed to be your whole world, and there's a time when that's supposed to end.
You're beautiful and smart.
Someone like you is gonna have a lot of options.
Just choose somebody.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[STRUMMING GUITAR.]
The Bonobo's a species of pygmy chimpanzee that lives as a matriarchy.
And we are a collective of women artists who have embraced the wild Bobobos' emphasis on female bonding as a source of inspiration.
IZZY: Got it.
So, are there any actual monkeys here that you study, or ? Oh, no, we just come to Mexico a couple times a year to do drugs and get naked in the wilderness.
- Copy that.
- BRONWYN: It's a lot of fun.
Well, do any of you Bonobos have a working cell phone or a Triple-A membership? - Hmm, we feel technology inhibits our radical self - expression.
Hey, uh, Bron, do you think we could crash with you guys tonight since my car is toast? Stella, I'm not even going to say "yes," because I'm trying to think of a word that's more powerful than "yes.
" Like, "rainbow.
" And if I did have to go to the bathroom, is it just a behind-a-bush situation? Rainbow.
What is that? BRONWYN: They're drinking peyote.
You should totally consider tripping unless you feel like you're in a negative head-space.
Oh, it's safe to say she qualifies as being in a negative head-space.
Yeah, Madison, it's serious stuff.
You're really not in the right state of mind.
You know what state of mind I'm in? The one who is done trying to make things work with Jules.
Look, if she wants to disappear again, let her.
Okay, you don't mean that.
Trust me.
You're gonna need Jules to be there for you.
Why? And if you're still trying to convince me that Colin I got into business school.
I heard back from Penn, and I'm moving to Philadelphia in the fall.
Oh, my God! Congrats! I just don't want you and Jules to lose each other when you're gonna lose me.
Fuck both you guys! You know, it's your fault we're even here in the first place.
[WOMEN CHATTING, LAUGHING.]
Well, that's gonna make things a lot better.
[WOMEN LAUGHING.]
Fuck the technology ban, I am filming this.
If this is what they mean when they say dance like no one's watching, they should honestly stop telling people to do that.
She's just gonna ride that wave now.
What do you say? - Iz? - If you're a bird, I'm a bird.
Feels like a weird time for a Notebook quote.
I'm hoping to encourage a hallucination that involves Ryan Gosling.
BRONWYN: Some things are long forgotten Some things were never said We were on one endless road I had a wandering heart Said we were opposite lovers You kept trying to prove me wrong I know that I ran you down You ran away with your heart Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you, I'll take the fall and the fault in us I'll give you all the love I never gave before I left you Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you, I'll take the fall and the fault in us I'll give you all the love I never gave before I left you Just know that I want you back [SONG SLOWING, DISTORTING.]
Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back MADISON: [ECHOING.]
Jules! Listen to me! No! [MARIACHI BAND PLAYING.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
Hey, you know you don't need to worry about Turtle with me.
I'm a trained professional.
Oh, I'm not worried about Turtle.
How's the wedding? You having a margarita for me? Uh, probably not enough of them, but, uh Being a dateless bridesmaid means dancing with many total strangers, and I was just, um WES: Just what? Thinking about you.
WOMAN'S VOICE: Hey, Wes, can you bring me another towel for my hair? Oh, um Sorry, I didn't I didn't know you-you had someone Yeah.
Why don't you just, um, text me when you're back.
For the cat.
Right.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Sounds good.
[FLIES BUZZING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN DISTANCE.]
[IZZY SIGHING.]
So, no one was Ryan Gosling, but everyone was a bird.
Got it.
So, it wasn't sexual.
Oh, God, no.
It was extremely sexual.
Huh Hey.
Still mad at us? Should we get the fuck out of Mexico and go home? [CHUCKLES.]
Yes.
But not without Jules.
- Really? - You guys were right.
I don't wanna just stand by and lose her for another five years.
I definitely don't want to lose her forever.
- We're going to get her.
- Okay, so to clarify, I got into business school, and you trip so hard on peyote you wanna crash our estranged best friend's ex-boyfriend's sister's wedding? Do you have a problem with that? No.
No, I just think we body-swapped and it's real fuckin' awesome.
IZZY: Not to throw a wrench in Operation "How Izzy, Madison, and Stella Got Their Jules Back," but we don't have a car and we do look like mole people.
Mmm.
Yeah.
Something borrowed.
[MARIACHI BAND PLAYING.]
So, you stoked to be married? Husband! More photos! Now! I like your dress.
That line only works when there aren't five other people wearing the exact same thing.
[CHUCKLES.]
Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the sunscreen thing.
That was shitty.
Where's Melyssa with a Y? Well, she wasn't in our hotel room when I woke up this morning, but she did text me that the salsa instructor was taking her ATVing.
[CHUCKLING.]
We're both such dating all-stars.
It's a wonder this didn't work out.
I'm sorry it didn't.
I'm not.
The person I was with you, I don't want to be her again.
Is it because Is there somebody else? Yeah.
There is.
Three of them.
After last night, I figured you wanted nothing to do with me.
I can't believe you came back.
Look, Jules, our friendship is far from perfect, and I know we all drive each other crazy sometimes.
- A lot of the time.
- It's a pattern.
But it's worth it to me.
Jules! What a pleasant surprise to see you girls! Colin, Jules and Izzy work in my office.
And this is Madison Maxwell, she's quite the rising PR star who saved us a few months ago.
Hi, my name is Dr.
Colin Brooks.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Excuse me.
So, Jules, did you fly in or drive? Um, drove.
CELESTE: Oh, good old-fashioned road trip.
You know, Colin and I, we rented a Fiat last summer in Italy and we drove from Florence to, um Oh, honey, what was the name of that town with the vineyard? London.
No, in Italy, Colin.
Did you not take your ginkgo biloba? Oh, there are the Weisses that I wanted to introduce you to.
Jules, it was good seeing you.
Gotta go do the rounds.
Come on, honey.
[MARIACHI MUSIC CONTINUING.]
- Hi, I need a drink.
- Making a toast? No, I'm not speaking.
So, this is how you wanna leave it? You really sure you don't have anything to say? We do know each other, don't we? We used to, but I'm not so sure anymore, Dollface.
Don't call me Dollface.
Hey! I have something to say to you.
[GLASS DINGING.]
That was my best friend whose heart you just broke, and she did not deserve to be lied to, and neither does the woman standing next to you.
Look, I get why you lied.
You got yourself into a situation where you were terrified of telling the truth, because you knew what you were doing was a mistake.
But fuck that! Fuck being terrified of things that are hard.
And fuck picking your friends for their fucking hair color.
And fuck backsliding into bad relationships.
And fuck cheating on your wife.
And fuck you! [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK.]
Sorry.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[FEEDBACK INTENSIFIES.]
I didn't know what to do with that.
[WARBLES.]
Feels like maybe we should be heading out.
Yeah.
Let's go.
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER.]
- So, uh - Yeah.
[LA BAMBA BY APM LATIN PLAYERS PLAYING.]
Okay, that was the greatest thing I've ever seen, and I've been to Cirque du Soleil with Chrissy Teigen.
I just blew up my entire life and maybe a few other people's.
You did.
You okay? I love you.
I love you too.
STELLA: Okay.
All right.
Guys Love the lovefest, but we did just ruin a wedding and maybe a marriage.
So, it might be in our best interest to move quickly.
Good thinking.
Where's your car? So, the thing about Stella's car is, we were hoping to get a ride back to L.
A.
with you.
I came with Jeremy.
[LA BAMBA CONTINUES.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
RAMONA: What the hell is she doing? We already took pictures in that thing, right? [VOMITS.]
Ugh! I can't believe we just did that! Are the grand theft auto laws any looser in Mexico? Uh, no, they're really not.
We're like Thelma and Louise.
In Thelma & Louise.
I have no clue if I still have a job or an income, but I'm glad I have you guys to figure it out.
Everybody ready to go back to L.
A.
? I sure as hell am! It's good to see you again, kitten.
I knew you'd do the right thing.
What? You girls steal a woman's car from her own wedding, but you've never seen an old cat lady before? [CHUCKLING.]
I'm a woman, what you see I'm a woman, what you see I'm a woman, what you see It run through me, it run through me Oh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh It run through me Oh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh
Come on, lady.
I don't have all day.
Do I ? Do I know you from somewhere? I don't know.
Do you? There's just something really familiar about you.
You waiting for a bus? Oh, no, I'm waiting for my ride.
I'm going out of town for a wedding.
I guess, in the greater sense, I'm also waiting for my best friend to call me back.
We got in this huge fight even though I was trying to do the right thing, and now she won't speak to me.
It's like, I finally started to understand why having girlfriends is so important, and now I've fucked it up.
I guess I could just use some advice.
And I could use the last 30 seconds of my life back.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Are you okay there? Yeah, I'm good.
I'm great actually.
I, uh [EXHALES.]
Whew.
It's a pretty nice day out, so I, uh, thought I'd walk because it's only four miles.
And, typically, four seems like a low number, but I guess that's when you're talking about something that's not miles.
Uh, thanks again for cat-sitting.
Um, you sure you're gonna be okay to walk back? Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
It's actually It's part of a new workout craze that I'm really into.
Some some guys do CrossFit, I, uh I sweat profusely and carry women's cats around Los Angeles.
[CHUCKLES.]
Any big plans for the weekend? I've actually gotta go see a patient after this.
Someone's hamster got into a Monopoly box, and they think he ate a hotel.
Oh.
Hopefully it was at least on a good property.
I'm sorry.
Should I not be making jokes? How could you? I mean, a life is on the line.
Of course you should make jokes! A hamster ate a hotel! That is objectively hilarious, and, also, he'll be fine.
How about you? Are you, uh, excited for the big wedding weekend? Uh, excited might be a stretch.
The bride's actually my ex's sister.
But that's a secret because I told my friends it was my cousin.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, I know how it sounds, but I couldn't bail on her.
And we're all going down on this huge party bus with all the bridesmaids and groomsmen, so I probably won't even have to talk to Jeremy.
I really don't think it's gonna be weird.
- JEREMY: Hey.
- MELYSSA: Hi.
So, it turns out Alec's cousin Micky actually booked the party bus for this date in 2023.
So, a bunch of us had to split off and carpool in smaller groups.
It's gonna be weird.
[KNOCKING.]
Mads? We came to check on you We wanted to see what's go Oh, God.
Oh, hey guys! Hey! What ya doin', babe? Oh! You know when your bathroom drawers are just full of millions of lipsticks you never use because you don't know what they are? Well, Colin's on a surf trip, and I found myself with some extra time, so I came up with a system.
And as soon as I add Scarlet Cherry, that'll complete my second chart of "Summer Reds.
" Okay, uh, Madison We think you might be having an identity crisis.
What do you mean? My identity's a perfect combination of Velvet Rose and Coral Blossom.
I feel like we need you to move off of lipstick for just a second.
Yeah.
We're gonna hit you with some tough love right now.
This is about what happened with Jules.
[SCOFFS.]
Classic Jules.
We get in one fight, and she flees the country.
- Her cousin's wedding is in Mexico.
- And she's been trying to call you.
Look, maybe it's throwing you for a loop that for the first time, you're the one that's in the wrong.
And Jules came to you about Colin.
Yeah, with the wrong information.
Look, Celeste is lying.
They're getting divorced! The point is, Jules came to you to be a good friend, and you blew up at her.
Look, I know deep down you know you're wrong and that is why you are spiraling.
I think it's a little dramatic to say that I'm spiraling.
Oh, no.
What? I was just getting organized.
You must have scared the shit out of people at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Okay, fine.
I may be feeling a bit uneasy about the way Jules and I left things, but what am I supposed to do? Chase her to Mexico? Hey, yeah JEREMY: Um, okay, is it bigger than a bread box? What's a bread box? What do you mean? It's a box you put bread in.
Well, the bread I buy always comes in a bag.
Okay, is it like a box that you could put bread in? Well, it depends on how much bread, because if it's the amount that could be the size of Adam Levine, I'd say yes.
Because my answer was Adam Levine.
Have you ever played this game before? That's the third time you've volunteered your answer without anybody guessing it.
Because you never get it! So, I thought I'd just say it.
It was me sitting here.
All right.
Jules, you're up.
Is it an object made of plastic? - Yes.
- Is it a Frisbee? [LAUGHING.]
Yes! Jeez! What? I mean, you're always ranting about how Ultimate Frisbee should be in the Olympics.
Okay, think about its roots in the counter-culture.
How many professional matches can sustain without a referee.
BOTH: It is an elevated level of sportsmanship.
MELYSSA: Okay, jinx.
You guys owe me a Perrier.
What? Well, normally you'd say you owe me soda but, like, I don't drink soda 'cause it has too much sugar.
[BIDI BIDI BOM BOM BY SELENA PLAYING.]
áHola! áBienvenidos a México! Wait, it's you! Uh, no habla inglés, señorita.
- You guys made it.
Hi! - JEREMY: There's the bride! Thank you so much.
I am so sorry again about cousin Micky's mix-up with the party bus.
I've informed my future husband here that if his half-brained cousin ever shows up at a Thanksgiving at our house, I'll make something like a turducken.
But instead of a duck stuffed inside of a chicken stuffed inside of a turkey, it'll be my fist inside Micky's skull inside Alex's ass.
Am I right, sweetie? [SIGHS.]
Anyway, we're having pre-rehearsal dinner drinks at the Welcome Casita at 5:00 PM.
Until then, we're just hanging out by the pool.
[SPANISH GUITAR PLAYING.]
I think they're gonna be really happy together.
Babe, do you have any Mexican money to tip the bellman? - Isn't that ? - Yeah, that's my Uncle Jeff.
Hang on! [EXHALES.]
[KNOCKING.]
Hey! So, Melyssa's already by the pool, and I just realized we didn't bring any sunscreen.
- Do you have any? - Oh, um, yeah.
Uh, hi, can I help you? Yeah, my back would be great actually.
But I I mean, shouldn't Melyssa be doing this? She's already in the pool.
Come on, is it really that big of a deal? I mean, yeah, kinda, isn't it? It's sunscreen.
Aren't we more mature than this? So, it's good to see you.
Mm-hmm.
You too.
I'm glad we ended up driving down together.
Uh-huh.
Although, I will say, after we passed La Jolla, I couldn't stop thinking about that AirBnB we got last summer.
- You remember, the one with the big tub.
- Okay, what happened to "it's sunscreen"? Okay, you know I'm not here for sunscreen.
- I don't even burn.
I bronze.
- Seriously? No one else knows me like you do, all right? Being stuck in that car was making me crazy.
I miss you.
What are you talking about? You don't miss me! You're here with Melyssa! She spells her name with a Y, Jules, all right? And Melissa's not a name that needs a Y.
This is insane.
You broke up with me.
I know, okay? I know that.
But having spent some time apart to date other people, it just made me realize what a huge mistake that was.
I wanna get back together.
áSorpresa! Guess who made it to Mexico Oh.
- Oh, my God.
- What the hell? I this isn't what it looks like.
Is it just me, or does that look like cum? What the fuck is going on? - I I can explain.
- You guys getting back together? - We might be.
- No.
No! - Are you serious? - Madison, I swear we're not.
- We're still talking about it.
- Jeremy! - What? We are! - [SIGHS.]
You have to believe me.
Why should I when you lied about bringing him? I didn't bring him! Jeremy was gonna be here anyway! Why would Jeremy be here anyway? At my sister's wedding? Wait.
Jules's cousin is your sister? That is, like, very Game of Thrones.
I knew this was a bad idea.
- Oh, come on, that's vintage! - JULES: Tough shit! You guys, please! I was supposed to be Ramona's bridesmaid from before we broke up, and I didn't want to bail on her.
Pretty impressive loyalty from someone willing to lie to her best friends for months.
Well, if I'm so awful, then what are you guys even doing here? Unless you wanted to attack me in a second country, I'm pretty sure we covered this back in America.
No one is trying to attack you.
Madison came here to apologize.
Yeah, great idea by the way, Stell.
I'm not the one who lied.
Don't take this out on me.
JULES: Well, I'm not sure if you're aware, but that's actually kind of Madison's thing these days.
Well, how about your thing, Jules? The thing where you go running to a guy whenever stuff gets hard for you.
You know what's hard for me? You guys! It's just this nonstop shit storm of feelings and opinions and judging and drama.
And you know what? If this is what it means to have girlfriends, then I don't know if it's worth it.
[CAR ENGINE STARTING.]
[YO NO TE PIDO LA LUNA BY DANIELA ROMO PLAYING.]
- MADISON: How dare she?! - I know.
- Like, how could she?! - I'm not sure.
- I mean, how dare she?! - STELLA: You asked that one already, and you're supposed to be navigating.
Okay, now I'm completely confident.
That is the same cactus we passed an hour ago.
No.
There's no way you could possibly know that.
Dude, yes, that is definitely the cactus that looks like Kevin Jonas.
Okay, look, you guys.
We are three strong independent women, okay? We can figure this out.
We know that Mexico is south of the border, so we just need to make sure we are driving north.
Madison, which way is north? On what goddamn planet would you expect me to know the answer to that? Okay, maybe we can figure this out using stars.
I'm an Aquarius, if that means anything.
Hey, girl, hey! Uh, I'm gonna look at the sky.
Oh, don't touch that window because it gets stuck sometimes.
- Stella! - [WOMEN SCREAMING.]
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
[RADIATOR HISSING.]
STELLA: Shit.
Well, we officially murdered my car.
Though I think it would've wanted to go this way.
Foreign lands, open road.
Jesus! What the hell was that? Do you think it was a coyote? Oh, my God Stella? Wait.
Bronwyn? This is so crazy seeing you here! Here on the side of the highway in the middle of the desert in Mexico? Yeah.
I would agree with that.
When was the last time we connected? Was it Fabian's gallery thing? Yes! Yeah, wait.
What are you doing out here? Are you naked on purpose? - Just picking up some more beer.
- Where's your wallet? You guys, this is so good running into you.
I have to show you something incredible.
Do you have a second? Um Ladies, welcome to the Bonobo Society.
- [PEACEFUL MUSIC PLAYING.]
- [WOMEN LAUGHING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING.]
DANCE INSTRUCTOR: Okay, it's really easy.
Everyone watching me? Here's that basic step again, guys.
You remember it.
Let's go.
And Come together.
All right, you guys got it.
Side to side.
Now you've got it.
There you go, just like that.
Cross-body lead, here we go, ladies.
Miss? And turn.
Perfect! All right, here we go again.
Break, ladies under RAMONA: Jules I don't mean to be that bride, but your resting sad face is getting captured in the candids.
Oh, ugh, sorry.
I didn't mean to be a downer.
It's just been a bit of a day.
Oh, God.
What did my brother do? Jeremy is confused, but it's not him.
It's my friends actually.
I just feel like no matter what I do, I'm always gonna mess things up with them.
Girls can be so dramatic.
When I worry about my wedding, I'm supposed to worry about who the groom is gonna be.
At this point, I'm more worried about the Maid of Honor.
That's the thing about getting older: you move into the next phase of life, people settle down, and stuff with your girlfriends doesn't feel so important anymore.
Yeah, but look at your bridesmaids, their speeches during dinner.
You're settling down, and your friends are still important to you.
Honestly, except my bachelorette, I hadn't seen half these girls since Sydney's wedding six months ago.
I mainly picked everyone so all of our hair color would create a gradient effect in the pictures.
All I'm saying is, there's a time when your girlfriends are supposed to be your whole world, and there's a time when that's supposed to end.
You're beautiful and smart.
Someone like you is gonna have a lot of options.
Just choose somebody.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[STRUMMING GUITAR.]
The Bonobo's a species of pygmy chimpanzee that lives as a matriarchy.
And we are a collective of women artists who have embraced the wild Bobobos' emphasis on female bonding as a source of inspiration.
IZZY: Got it.
So, are there any actual monkeys here that you study, or ? Oh, no, we just come to Mexico a couple times a year to do drugs and get naked in the wilderness.
- Copy that.
- BRONWYN: It's a lot of fun.
Well, do any of you Bonobos have a working cell phone or a Triple-A membership? - Hmm, we feel technology inhibits our radical self - expression.
Hey, uh, Bron, do you think we could crash with you guys tonight since my car is toast? Stella, I'm not even going to say "yes," because I'm trying to think of a word that's more powerful than "yes.
" Like, "rainbow.
" And if I did have to go to the bathroom, is it just a behind-a-bush situation? Rainbow.
What is that? BRONWYN: They're drinking peyote.
You should totally consider tripping unless you feel like you're in a negative head-space.
Oh, it's safe to say she qualifies as being in a negative head-space.
Yeah, Madison, it's serious stuff.
You're really not in the right state of mind.
You know what state of mind I'm in? The one who is done trying to make things work with Jules.
Look, if she wants to disappear again, let her.
Okay, you don't mean that.
Trust me.
You're gonna need Jules to be there for you.
Why? And if you're still trying to convince me that Colin I got into business school.
I heard back from Penn, and I'm moving to Philadelphia in the fall.
Oh, my God! Congrats! I just don't want you and Jules to lose each other when you're gonna lose me.
Fuck both you guys! You know, it's your fault we're even here in the first place.
[WOMEN CHATTING, LAUGHING.]
Well, that's gonna make things a lot better.
[WOMEN LAUGHING.]
Fuck the technology ban, I am filming this.
If this is what they mean when they say dance like no one's watching, they should honestly stop telling people to do that.
She's just gonna ride that wave now.
What do you say? - Iz? - If you're a bird, I'm a bird.
Feels like a weird time for a Notebook quote.
I'm hoping to encourage a hallucination that involves Ryan Gosling.
BRONWYN: Some things are long forgotten Some things were never said We were on one endless road I had a wandering heart Said we were opposite lovers You kept trying to prove me wrong I know that I ran you down You ran away with your heart Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you, I'll take the fall and the fault in us I'll give you all the love I never gave before I left you Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you, I'll take the fall and the fault in us I'll give you all the love I never gave before I left you Just know that I want you back [SONG SLOWING, DISTORTING.]
Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back Just know that I want you back MADISON: [ECHOING.]
Jules! Listen to me! No! [MARIACHI BAND PLAYING.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
Hey, you know you don't need to worry about Turtle with me.
I'm a trained professional.
Oh, I'm not worried about Turtle.
How's the wedding? You having a margarita for me? Uh, probably not enough of them, but, uh Being a dateless bridesmaid means dancing with many total strangers, and I was just, um WES: Just what? Thinking about you.
WOMAN'S VOICE: Hey, Wes, can you bring me another towel for my hair? Oh, um Sorry, I didn't I didn't know you-you had someone Yeah.
Why don't you just, um, text me when you're back.
For the cat.
Right.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Sounds good.
[FLIES BUZZING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN DISTANCE.]
[IZZY SIGHING.]
So, no one was Ryan Gosling, but everyone was a bird.
Got it.
So, it wasn't sexual.
Oh, God, no.
It was extremely sexual.
Huh Hey.
Still mad at us? Should we get the fuck out of Mexico and go home? [CHUCKLES.]
Yes.
But not without Jules.
- Really? - You guys were right.
I don't wanna just stand by and lose her for another five years.
I definitely don't want to lose her forever.
- We're going to get her.
- Okay, so to clarify, I got into business school, and you trip so hard on peyote you wanna crash our estranged best friend's ex-boyfriend's sister's wedding? Do you have a problem with that? No.
No, I just think we body-swapped and it's real fuckin' awesome.
IZZY: Not to throw a wrench in Operation "How Izzy, Madison, and Stella Got Their Jules Back," but we don't have a car and we do look like mole people.
Mmm.
Yeah.
Something borrowed.
[MARIACHI BAND PLAYING.]
So, you stoked to be married? Husband! More photos! Now! I like your dress.
That line only works when there aren't five other people wearing the exact same thing.
[CHUCKLES.]
Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the sunscreen thing.
That was shitty.
Where's Melyssa with a Y? Well, she wasn't in our hotel room when I woke up this morning, but she did text me that the salsa instructor was taking her ATVing.
[CHUCKLING.]
We're both such dating all-stars.
It's a wonder this didn't work out.
I'm sorry it didn't.
I'm not.
The person I was with you, I don't want to be her again.
Is it because Is there somebody else? Yeah.
There is.
Three of them.
After last night, I figured you wanted nothing to do with me.
I can't believe you came back.
Look, Jules, our friendship is far from perfect, and I know we all drive each other crazy sometimes.
- A lot of the time.
- It's a pattern.
But it's worth it to me.
Jules! What a pleasant surprise to see you girls! Colin, Jules and Izzy work in my office.
And this is Madison Maxwell, she's quite the rising PR star who saved us a few months ago.
Hi, my name is Dr.
Colin Brooks.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Excuse me.
So, Jules, did you fly in or drive? Um, drove.
CELESTE: Oh, good old-fashioned road trip.
You know, Colin and I, we rented a Fiat last summer in Italy and we drove from Florence to, um Oh, honey, what was the name of that town with the vineyard? London.
No, in Italy, Colin.
Did you not take your ginkgo biloba? Oh, there are the Weisses that I wanted to introduce you to.
Jules, it was good seeing you.
Gotta go do the rounds.
Come on, honey.
[MARIACHI MUSIC CONTINUING.]
- Hi, I need a drink.
- Making a toast? No, I'm not speaking.
So, this is how you wanna leave it? You really sure you don't have anything to say? We do know each other, don't we? We used to, but I'm not so sure anymore, Dollface.
Don't call me Dollface.
Hey! I have something to say to you.
[GLASS DINGING.]
That was my best friend whose heart you just broke, and she did not deserve to be lied to, and neither does the woman standing next to you.
Look, I get why you lied.
You got yourself into a situation where you were terrified of telling the truth, because you knew what you were doing was a mistake.
But fuck that! Fuck being terrified of things that are hard.
And fuck picking your friends for their fucking hair color.
And fuck backsliding into bad relationships.
And fuck cheating on your wife.
And fuck you! [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK.]
Sorry.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[FEEDBACK INTENSIFIES.]
I didn't know what to do with that.
[WARBLES.]
Feels like maybe we should be heading out.
Yeah.
Let's go.
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER.]
- So, uh - Yeah.
[LA BAMBA BY APM LATIN PLAYERS PLAYING.]
Okay, that was the greatest thing I've ever seen, and I've been to Cirque du Soleil with Chrissy Teigen.
I just blew up my entire life and maybe a few other people's.
You did.
You okay? I love you.
I love you too.
STELLA: Okay.
All right.
Guys Love the lovefest, but we did just ruin a wedding and maybe a marriage.
So, it might be in our best interest to move quickly.
Good thinking.
Where's your car? So, the thing about Stella's car is, we were hoping to get a ride back to L.
A.
with you.
I came with Jeremy.
[LA BAMBA CONTINUES.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
RAMONA: What the hell is she doing? We already took pictures in that thing, right? [VOMITS.]
Ugh! I can't believe we just did that! Are the grand theft auto laws any looser in Mexico? Uh, no, they're really not.
We're like Thelma and Louise.
In Thelma & Louise.
I have no clue if I still have a job or an income, but I'm glad I have you guys to figure it out.
Everybody ready to go back to L.
A.
? I sure as hell am! It's good to see you again, kitten.
I knew you'd do the right thing.
What? You girls steal a woman's car from her own wedding, but you've never seen an old cat lady before? [CHUCKLING.]
I'm a woman, what you see I'm a woman, what you see I'm a woman, what you see It run through me, it run through me Oh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh It run through me Oh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah-eh-eh