Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s01e23 Episode Script

And the Winner Is...

I'm admitting him to medicine.
Order a skull series, schedule a cat scan, and get a neuro consult.
This patient's comatose.
His med-alert bracelet says he's diabetic.
He's also got a battle sign over his right mastoid, which means a basal skull fracture.
Get the skull film, schedule a cat scan, and call the neurosurgery resident.
I know what I'm doing.
End of story.
Well, yes, sir.
I'm not your intern, and I'm not your student.
I'm getting tired of you ordering me around.
I wasn't ordering you around.
It was an emergency.
Voices get short and loud.
Who put you in charge, anyway? I noticed something you overlooked, so I took over.
You always take over.
Not consciously.
During an emergency, every second counts.
I'm just as good a doctor as you are.
Hi, guys.
I'll try to refrain from ordering you around.
Fine.
Fine.
So, uh, what are you two so glum about? You fellows should be really happy.
I was out last night with canfield's secretary Marsha.
Big deal.
It sure wasn't much of a deal for me, but it was for you guys.
After a few drinks, she let it slip that you're both neck-and-neck for the resident of the year award.
You two are taking this lightly.
No biggie.
How do they decide who's resident of the year? Canfield and each head of service votes.
We're down to orthopedics and pathology.
Aren't you excited? It's nothing.
You mean your hearts aren't going to be racing right before they announce the winner? It's going to be a pain.
You have to eat blue meat.
Rent a tuxedo.
Listen to canfield's jokes.
I hope he doesn't tell the one about the oversexed pig.
Awards don't mean anything.
It meant the Mayo clinic for Hendricks.
I'm happy where I am.
Me, too.
This whole thing's really petty.
We shouldn't be worrying about some crummy award.
We're here to learn, not compete.
Absolutely.
I wouldn't risk the bone healing at that angle.
The angle isn't that sharp.
I'd immobilize the femur and put the patient in a body cast.
Dr.
mcguire's procedure involves less risk.
This looks like a child's fractured right forearm.
Judging by the break, it happened during a fall.
This 8-year-old fell from a swing.
A displaced fracture across the radial neck, oblique greenstick fracture of the ulna.
How would you treat it? I'd treat it with closed reduction under anesthesia and a cast.
This is like one of those cases reported in the December issue of orthopedics.
It may require open reduction.
Very good, Dr.
mcguire.
Very good indeed.
It did require open reduction after a failed attempt at a closed reduction as suggested by Dr.
howser.
No picture.
Patience, Catherine.
Just a little Patience.
I still have a few more wires left.
"Video-out on the vcr into video-in on the tuner.
" Don't you think i should call Manny's TV service? No, no.
I can do it.
I can do it.
"Red vcr into tuner Jack lower left.
" Hi.
How's it going? Piece of cake.
You're friends with Dr.
Marcus, yeah? Played a little golf, yeah.
Could you put in a good word about me Tell him I enjoy being on his service.
Why? His appraisal of me is very important.
I'm one of the finalists for resident of the year.
Oh, doogie, that's great.
It's down to me and Jack mcguire.
Good work.
So, you don't mind doing that? Yeah.
Yeah.
I could do that.
Cool.
But, Douglas, isn't this something that is based solely on your own merits? But even the smallest edge could make a difference.
If you win the award, i think you'll be happier knowing that you are responsible for the results.
I know I'm a lot happier when I accomplish something all on my own.
I mean, even if it's as simple as hooking up a little entertainment system.
I guess you're right, dad.
I just know you'll win, doogie.
Good luck, son.
Thanks.
Good luck to you, dad.
All right.
Here we go.
Voila.
Dad.
Honey.
Honey, do something.
Oh, come on.
I hooked it up.
I deserve credit for that.
Don't I? Catherine? Catherine? Hello? Is this Manny? From this X-ray, the chest appears normal, but the shoulder shows calcium deposits along the bicipital groove and the shoulder bursa.
I'd have to diagnose bursitis, but I doubt he died of that.
Right, but could it have possibly been an infarction? Probably not.
From this electrocardiogram, everything looks normal.
So I think we could rule out mi.
I don't know.
He certainly could have been involved in an acute myocardial infarction.
A lot of these patients have normal electrocardiograms when first evaluated in the E.
R.
That's exactly what he died of, Dr.
howser.
Acute myocardial infarction.
It pays to take some time, Dr.
mcguire.
Don't be so quick to rule out anything.
Come in.
Oh, hi, Dr.
Marcus.
I'm not interrupting anything, am I? I was just looking at Mrs.
jenner's x-rays while covering for mcguire.
He had a date.
I think we can take the cast off a week early.
Good observation.
Oh, you play golf.
Another good observation, Dr.
howser.
I think golf is the ultimate sport.
I mean, where else can people of all ages and different abilities play on the same level and enjoy nature at the same time? It's mind-boggling.
You play? Oh, whenever I can.
I used to play with your dad great natural swing.
Taught me everything I know.
We love playing.
It's just darn good family fun.
Well, I got to go.
Wait a minute.
What's your handicap? My handicap? Oh, um 20.
That's great.
It is? Uh, it is.
Yeah, it is.
Two guys have been taking a bite out of my wallet.
What are you doing this Saturday? Saturday, oh.
Unfortunately, I'm on duty.
Let's make it Sunday then.
Meet me on the first tee at 9:45 Partner.
You're getting closer.
We almost had lift off.
It's no use, Vinnie, i can't go through with this.
No, no, no.
Remember what it said at the beginning of the book.
Golf is an easy game.
Just be patient.
One more time.
Right.
Head down.
Slow and easy.
Take it back.
Slow and easy.
Don't forget to follow through.
Well, you're gettin' there.
My god, i ruined the rug.
Oh, that reminds me.
Always replace your divots.
Excuse me, Dr.
zielonka.
I followed up on the serum enzymes from the tennis player we reviewed.
I also found an article on diet and coronary disease, and I copied it for you.
Thank you.
It pays to save journals.
That's what i tell howser.
He throws them away.
I'll take a look at it.
When I was first assigned to pathology I wasn't doing handsprings, but I like it so much, I'm thinking of changing my specialty.
Really? Dr.
zielonka, call the operator.
Well just a second.
Hello.
This is Dr.
zielonka.
Oh, yeah.
Put him on.
Allo, Jean-Pierre.
Oh, no.
That's too bad.
I was hoping you could make it.
No, no, no.
I understand.
Well, you know i put a bid in on that '45 chateau petrus.
Well, thank you.
I hope I get it, too.
Call me when you get back.
Au revoir.
So, you're into wine.
I'm a collector.
How about that? I have a moderate little cellar myself.
Ooh, how interesting.
What imported, domestic? I wouldn't let a domestic touch these lips.
You like the French.
What else is there? Sounds like you're going after big game '45 chateau petrus.
Wow.
The crown Jewel of anyone's cellar.
I put in a sizable bid.
I tasted a chateau petrus once Truly a religious experience.
I don't think there's ever been a truer marriage of soil, sun, and fruit.
Do you attend many tastings? Yes, but never in the states.
Perhaps you'd like to go to one tonight With me.
I'd love to.
Five dollar Nassau, two down, automatic press.
That ok with you, howser? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Nassau's fine.
Good shot.
Caddie! I'm coming.
Remember, doog, keep your head down, eye on the ball, follow through, firm grip, and pray.
Right.
There we go.
Whoa! Way to go, doogie! Good hit.
Looks like we got a player here.
Glad I don't have to walk after that one.
Hit me with your best shot why don't you hit me with your best shot hit me with your best shot fire away you come on with a come-on you don't fight fair if that's the case see if I care knock me down it's all in vain I get right back on my feet again hit me with your best shot why don't you hit me with your best shot hit me with your best shot fire away Fore! Fore! Fore! Hit me with your best shot why don't you hit me with your best shot Ooh! Aah! Hit me with your best shot fire away Got it! another automatic press.
Just not your day, Marcus.
Not my day, not my month, not my year, not my life.
Faint.
What? Faint, pass out, fall down, pretend you're unconscious.
Why? Just do it.
Vinnie? Vinnie? Vinnie, you all right? Uh, yeah, sure.
My friend suffers from hypoglycemia.
I've got to get him to some glucose.
Sure.
I understand.
Be my guest.
You're all right.
By the way, your friend fakes being sick better than you fake playing golf Which isn't saying much.
Congratulations, Helen.
Oh, thank you, Joseph.
I am so thrilled Oh, beyond Oh, beyond anything, i guess.
I can't wait to lay it down in my cellar.
May I see it? What do you think of Helen's little treasure? I bet it'll go great with roast beef.
You never serve wine like that with dinner.
I was joking.
I know that.
Of course.
A wine like that should always be savored alone.
Shall we open it so we can get on with the savoring? Huh? Jack, that bottle cost me $2,300.
Right.
It did, didn't it? Helen tells me you have quite a cache of wine yourself.
Yeah.
Reds, mostly.
What region? Uh Some in the south, some in the north A few in the East, and West.
What do you think of the nose, doctor? It looks fantastic.
I couldn't even tell you had it done.
I'm talking about the bouquet of this haut-brion.
Oh, right, that nose.
It's a good one.
It smells damn good.
'75 was a splendid summer, a very fine vintage.
Surprisingly forward and mature-looking.
Deep flavors, a long finish, full-bodied, and yet, not very tannic.
Yeah, exactly.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Mcguire, you may be out of your league here.
Just cut the act.
What act? You don't know anything about wine, do you? I do.
I'm just nervous.
You make me nervous.
Will you Dr.
mcguire, would you like to take a look at the prize? Sure.
Aah! Aah! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! I'm telling you, you're a shoo-in.
No, sport, you are.
Oh, no.
You don't know what I did.
I played golf with Marcus, cost him over 100 bucks and change in bets.
You don't know what i did to zielonka.
No, Jack, not that? No, not that.
Worse.
I broke her $2,300 bottle of wine.
Whoa.
I guess we both bombed out.
Yeah.
Guys, I had dinner with Marsha last night.
I know who the resident of the year is.
Who won? Who is it? She said it was a tie.
It's got to be you guys.
We must have canceled each other out with our stupid behavior.
Congratulations, resident of the year.
Well, congratulations to you, resident of the year.
So he says, "doctor, my sex life stinks.
" The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "you need exercise.
"I want you to run 2 miles every day.
"It'll improve your heart rate, "well-being, self-image.
Call me next week.
" A week later, the man calls.
"Doc, I've been running The doctor says, "so how's your sex life?" The man says "I don't know.
I'm 14 miles from home.
" All right.
I guess you all heard that one.
One year ago, same place, same time.
Well, enough levity.
Let's get on to the reason we're here tonight.
Of all the duties i have at eastman, I think this next one is my favorite Presenting the coveted resident of the year award.
I needn't tell you the prestige of this honor or how much it has meant to past recipients' careers.
The results this year were the closest in the history of the award.
It was so close that for the first time, we have a tie.
The co-winners are two young men who are true team players, two men who have sacrificed their individual needs for the good of the hospital, their fellow doctors, and their patients, two men whose unflagging energy and thirst for knowledge have led them to the top of their class.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the residents of the year, doctors jerrick hersch and miles whitley.
Where is the award? I didn't win it.
Ohh! Mcguire got it.
Son of a gun.
He didn't win either.
We both managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
I learned a lesson.
Yeah, what? I was blinded by ambition.
I forgot my friendship with mcguire.
I embarrassed myself around my superiors.
I deserved to lose.
Quit beating yourself up.
Good comes from every bad experience.
There's absolutely no good coming from this one.
You did something that no other mortal man in the history of all mankind has done.
What's that? You're the first golfer to take a free drop out of an old lady's chicken salad.
You should be proud of yourself.
Beat it.
I got to get into bed.
Good night, doog.
Fore!