Downton Abbey s03e04 Episode Script

Episode 4

- Nothing for me, Mr Carson? - No, Anna.
Once again, I'm afraid there's nothing for you.
Come on.
I've got enough on my plate, without going into every detail.
You're co-owner of this estate.
You have to get into the detail.
Not to challenge Robert, surely? You won't have any reason to.
But you have to pull your weight.
That's all I'm saying.
How is Bates? I've not seen him for a while, sir.
Oh'? Why is that? I'm not quite sure, sir.
They've stopped all his visitors.
Has he given you a reason? Well, he's not written in quite some time now.
And you don't know why? No.
But I'm certain I will, before too long.
Mrs Crawley, how may I help? I'm sorry to push in on you again, but I didn't have time to come down before dinner and now we're on our way home.
Mrs Hughes, you know I went to see Ethel Parks? I do, ma'am.
Well, she wouldn't speak to me then, but she has since sought me out and asked me to deliver this letter into your hands.
When we last spoke of her, you seemed to think she'd fallen into bad ways? I'm afraid that's the case.
She has been working as a prostitute.
My, my.
That's not a word you hear in this house every day.
No, but I think it also serves to show the measure of her misery.
Ethel has been driven into this, of that I have no doubt.
If only she would allow me to help her, but she won't.
If this letter can give you any clue as to how I might be helpful, please let me know.
I will, ma'am.
Your sentiments do you credit, but I suspect she will be too ashamed to face how far she's fallen.
- Good night.
- Good night, Mrs Crawley.
So, am I to answer to you both? Of course not.
What Lord Grantham means is that I have made an investment in the estate.
That is all.
Otherwise, nothing has changed.
Very good.
And can we bring the staff back up to snuff? I believe we can.
Mrs Hughes is short of a housemaid, Mrs Patmore wants a kitchen maid and I need a new footman.
Do you, really? I sometimes feel the world is rather different than it was before the war.
I see.
I would like to return to my duties as a butler, sir.
But if you prefer that I continue to do the work of a second footman in addition Mr Crawley does not mean that at all.
Do you? - Certainly not.
- Well, that is good news.
I suppose it's too late to get into shape before the dinner for the Archbishop of York, but it'll be the last time you'll have to fudge it.
I will do my best for the Archbishop, with an added spring in my step.
Why don't you have breakfast in bed? Because I'm not married.
Yes, but now that Now that both of the others are, what difference would it make? - You know what I mean.
- I prefer to be up and about.
Tennessee is going to ratify the 19th amendment.
Meaning? All American women will have the vote.
Which is more than they do here.
Well, they almost do.
I don't have the vote.
I'm not over 30 and I'm not a householder.
It's ridiculous.
- You should write to The Times.
- Maybe I will.
Ask your mother if she needs any help with tonight's dinner.
There's nothing so toffee-nosed as a Prince of the Church.
So make sure you put him next to your grandmother.
She'll know how to handle him.
Oh, Anna, you'll be happy to hear that, as soon as we take on a new housemaid, you will be a lady's maid to Lady Mary, at last.
That's nice, Mr Carson.
Thank you.
I thought you'd be more pleased.
No, lam pleased.
Really, I'm I've just got a lot on my mind.
Sorry I have also advertised for a new footman.
He'll be second footman, won't he? As to that, I will make no pronouncements at this stage.
Try to find a man with something about him, Mr Carson.
I don't like to feel the house isn't being properly represented.
Is that aimed at me? If the cap fits, wear it.
You're very quiet.
You'll never guess what.
I've had a letter from Ethel.
She wants to meet me, but she won't come here.
What for? And why not? I think she'd be uncomfortable.
Why, particularly? Never you mind.
I think I'll ask Mrs Crawley if we can meet there.
Heaven knows what Ethel wants of us this time.
- Cora said you were looking for me.
- Yes.
I've stolen the nursery as a sitting room for us, and this is the paper.
Unless you hate it.
Is that all? Why? What did you think it was? Cora said you'd been to the doctor earlier.
I wondered why.
To find something for my hay fever.
And what will we use for a day nursery, should the need arise? I think we can worry about that a little further down the line.
Oh! Thank you my dear, that's very kind.
- How much do I owe you? - A guinea.
A guinea? For a bottle of scent? Did he have a mask and a gun? How are you? All right, I suppose.
Yes, I worry about you.
That sort of thing is so horrid.
Being jilted at the altar? Yes, it is horrid.
Multiplied by about 10,000 million.
You must keep busy.
What with? There's nothing to do at the house except when we entertain.
Well, there must be something you can put your mind to.
Like what? Gardening? Well, no, you can't be as desperate as that.
- Then what? - Edith, dear, you are a woman with a brain and reasonable ability.
Stop whining and find something to do! I'm going out, Anna.
I've told Mrs Patmore, and I think everything's under control for tonight.
But - What's the matter? - Nothing.
Except Well, I haven't had a letter from Mr Bates in weeks.
I worry I worry that he's being gallant and trying to set me free, if he wants me to make a new life without him.
I doubt it very much.
Then why would he be silent like this, and stop me visiting? Obviously, I don't know why, but I do know there'll be a good reason.
Do you really think so? I'd swear to it.
- They know you tricked 'em.
- Who knows what? Mr Durrant's a dealer on the outside.
What's that to do with me? He's working for your cell mate.
All I know is that you punched Craig, so they set you up, but you hid the stuff they'd planted and turned the tables on them.
Now they're angry.
And what can they do? I'll tell you what they can start by doing.
Durrant's reported you to the Governor for violence.
You're officially a dangerous prisoner The Governor won't fall for that.
No? So when was the last time your wife came to visit, eh? How many letters have you received lately? Thank God.
What a relief.
I thought she'd given up on me.
Don't thank God until you know what else they've got in store for you.
Stop talking! Go on, then.
Egg spoon.
Melon spoon.
Grapefruit spoon.
Jam spoon.
Shall I tell you? All right.
A bouillon spoon.
But I thought soup spoons were the same as tablespoons.
And so they are.
But not for bouillon, which is drunk from a smaller dish.
Off you go now.
I must get on.
You're taking a lot of trouble with young Alfred, Mr Carson.
- I feel quite jealous.
- I don't know why.
He asked for help.
You never did.
It's very hard to begin.
Well, find a way, Ethel.
We all have lives to lead.
Could you write to the Bryants? To say I want them to have Charlie.
We've already been down this path.
- To no avail.
- I know.
And I know I said a mother's love was worth more than all they had to give.
But I said it for me, not for him.
My dear, you mustn't do anything until you are absolutely sure.
Mrs Hughes said we all have lives to lead, but that isn't true.
I've got no life.
I exist, but barely.
- Ethel, we all know the route you've taken.
- It's good of you to have me here.
All I mean is, that I work with others like you, to rebuild their lives.
Can't we work together to find a way for you to keep your son'? With his grandparents, Charlie can build a life that is whatever he wishes it to be.
With all respect, ma'am, you and I working together could never offer him that.
You want me to write to them again? But leave it vague.
Say that Ethel would like them to keep in contact with their grandson.
I won't change my mind.
Nevertheless, that's what I'll do.
Then there'll be no disappointment, whatever comes.
Now, if you'll forgive me, we've a big dinner tonight.
Good day, ma'am.
Ethel has had a very hard time of it since she left us, Mrs Bird.
She's had great difficulty making ends meet.
And we know how she solved that problem.
Give my regards to Mr Molesley.
Until we meet again, my dear.
Oh, I had a coat.
It's there.
You will help Miss Parks, please, Mrs Bird.
Some manners wouldn't go amiss.
I do not believe it is part of my duties to wait on the likes of her.
I'm sorry, but that's what I feel.
I don't want to sound anti-Catholic.
Why not? I am.
Not in any real way, I'm sure.
I don't want thumbscrews or the rack, but there always seems to be something of Johnny Foreigner about the Catholics.
I've no time to talk, but tell them I'm all right.
I'm out of the ?at.
They haven't stopped me.
Who hasn't stopped you? Sybil? Hello? What's the matter? I've just had the most peculiar conversation with Sybil.
She kept on about being "out of the flat“ and nobody had "stopped her" and What do you mean no one had stopped her? Stopped her from doing what? That's just it.
I don't know.
She suddenly put down the telephone.
Dinner is served, milady.
Tell me, Doctor Lang, do you find that the war has driven the people back into the churches or further away than ever? Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
Someone sounds very angry.
Or very wet.
Or both.
- Do you have any luggage, sir? - I barely have the clothes I stand in.
- Where are they? - They're in the Tom? What's happened'? Where's Sybil? I had to get away and leave her to follow, but I'd made all the arrangements, in case.
She'll be on her way by now.
But why are you here? And why must she follow you alone? I can explain.
There's a dinner going on but I'll go and tell them that you're here.
No, don't.
No one must know.
I'll tell you it all when they're gone.
What's the matter? Tom! Go upstairs and find some dry clothes of Matthew's.
I'll come for you when the coast is clear.
Would you please ask Mrs Hughes to sort some food out for him? Yes, milady.
An idiotic man delivering a village pamphlet.
Can you imagine? In this weather and at this time of night? It's Branson.
He wouldn't come in.
Why not? ls Sybil with him? What's going on? She's not here, but apparently she's coming soon.
He'll explain what's happened when our guest has gone.
Something to look forward to.
Other men have normal families, with sons-in-law who farm or preach or serve their country in the army.
Maybe they do, but no family is ever what it seems from the outside.
Do you think he's on the run from the police? Don't be so daft.
Well, he hadn't got the money for a taxicab from the station.
Maybe he fancied the walk.
Yes, that's it.
I should think he loves a night walk in the pouring rain without a coat.
- What room is he in? - I'll take that, thank you, Daisy.
So there'll be no more gossip on that subject tonight.
They turned everyone out of the castle, Lord and Lady Drumgoole, their sons and all the servants and then they set fire to it.
What a tragedy.
Well, yes and no.
That house was hideous.
But of course that is no excuse.
It is not.
- But what was your involvement? - Who says I was involved? Well, you seem to know a lot about it if you weren't! And why are you running away? And what was Sybil's part in all this? She's not involved, not at all.
But they think I was part of it.
They think I was one of the instigators.
So the police are looking for you? That's why I couldn't go home.
I knew if they took me, I wouldn't get a fair hearing.
You mean you gave them Sybil while you saved yourself? I don't think they'll hold her, but if they do, then I'm prepared to go back and face the consequences.
You'd damn well better be! - You must see the Home Secretary.
- And tell him what? The police say he was there.
He says he wasn't! I didn't say I wasn't there.
Why were you? For the fun of seeing private property destroyed? Those places are different for me.
I don't look at them and see charm and gracious living.
I see something horrible.
With Drumgoole Castle I rather agree.
Mama, you are not helping.
But when I saw them turned out, standing there with their children, all of them in tears, watching their home burn, I was sorry.
I admit it.
I don't want their type to govern Ireland.
I want a free state.
But I was sorry.
Never mind that.
What's happened to Sybil? We agreed that I should leave at once and that she'd close the flat and follow.
But I got the last boat, so she won't be here before tomorrow.
Good God Almighty! You abandon a pregnant woman, in a land that's not her own? You leave her to shift for herself while you run for it? You have to go to London, Robert.
For Sybil's sake, if not for his, you have to see Mr Shortt.
I don't "have" to do anything! - I never meant - Go to bed! I'll give you my answer in the morning.
Of course, she married beneath her.
And who are you, then, a Hapsburg archduke? What if he has to go to prison? What then? That's quite enough of that, thank you, Miss O'Brien.
Bedtime, I think.
- I'm going up.
- Good night.
I'll try to keep them quiet, but, to be honest, I knew it would happen.
I knew he would bring shame on this house.
It sounds as if he's on the run from the police and, for all we know, Lady Sybil is languishing in a dungeon somewhere in Dublin.
Let's wait and see what the morning brings.
What in God's name is it? An electric toaster.
I've given it to myself as a treat.
If it's any good, I'm going to suggest getting one for the upstairs breakfasts.
Is it not enough that we're sheltering a dangerous revolutionary, Mrs Hughes? Could you not have spared me that? Hello.
- Can we help you? - I'm here to see Mr Carson.
Who's this? Jimmy Kent, at your service.
I'm Mr Barrow.
His Lordship's valet.
And I'm hoping to be his Lordship's footman.
Which is why I'm looking for Mr Carson.
What's the matter? Have you all been turned into pillars of salt? May I help? I've come for the interview.
I see.
Well, if you'll, er, wait there.
I want to make it quite clear that whatever I do, I am doing it for Sybil and not for you! I find your actions despicable, whatever your beliefs.
You speak of Ireland's suffering and I do not contradict you.
But Ireland cannot prosper until this savagery is put away.
That's all very well, Papa, but you must keep Tom out of prison.
I'll go to London today.
I'll telephone Murray and ask him to arrange an interview.
I won't come home until I've seen Shortt.
Thank you.
I know it's right.
- It's right for him.
- And for Sybil and for this family.
I suppose so.
Let me know if Sybil gets in touch.
She won't.
She won't want to give them anything to trace her by.
What a harsh world you live in.
We all live in a harsh world.
But at least I know I do.
I see you've been working for the Dowager Lady Anstruther? Yes.
But she's closed up the house and gone to live in France.
She begged me to go with her, but I didn't fancy it.
I didn't think I'd like the food.
I see.
She "begged" you, did she? You know what women can be like.
Not, I suspect, as well as you do.
Right, Charlie, let's get your hat on.
Make you look nice and smart.
- Be a good boy for Mummy, yeah? - Yeah.
Come on.
Thank you for letting us come.
And why have we come? To hear more guff about a mother's love? Mr Bryant, that's not fair! Isn't it? We know what you are now, Ethel.
We know how far you've fallen.
I didn't want to let Mrs Bryant in the same room as you, but she insisted.
- What Mr Bryant means - How could you know about me? Do you think it's so difficult to find out about a woman like you? I could give you a list of your clients.
You mean you've had me followed? What? Didn't you think we'd keep a check on our grandson? We're not judging you "m judging her.
I judge her and I find her wanting Ethel, we've decided to offer you some money.
To make things easier.
So that you won't have to Unless you don't want to give it up.
Well, that's very generous, isn't it, Ethel? It throws a different light on things.
There's Mrs Bird with the tea.
Would you like to help me, Ethel? Charlie, look what I've got for you.
- A teddy.
- That's right.
Should I not take it in, ma'am? - I can do that.
- I'm sure I don't need your help.
Thank you, Mrs Bird.
Ethel, you don't have to do this.
You have a choice.
You mean I should take money from that man? It won't be much.
Enough to keep us from starving, but not much more.
But even if Charlie doesn't go to a famous school or university, you'll be there to give him love.
Yet I suppose Mr Crawley went to a famous school and university.
I see.
Thank you, Mrs Crawley.
When do you want it to happen? Tomorrow night.
- But not Mr Durrant? - No.
Any other warder but him.
Tell Turner about it.
He's straight.
But don't tell him 'til the afternoon.
Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me? I can't stand Craig.
You do that very neatly, my dear.
I was trained by Mrs Hughes.
She was a good worker.
Even though things haven't gone so well lately.
I hope that you can accept our offer, Ethel, and that we can be friends.
Because we both wish you well, don't we, dear? I don't wish you ill.
I'll say that.
I can't accept your offer.
And we won't be friends.
What? Not even for Charlie's sake? I think you love my son, Mr Bryant.
I don't think you're a nice man, or a kind one, but I believe you love my boy.
So you'll be pleased by what I've come here to say.
Any news while I was out? No.
Perhaps the Home Secretary won't see him.
Papa'll pull some strings until he does.
You've started on the Augean task.
How are you getting on? Not badly.
I'm beginning to get a sense of how it all works.
In a way, it's probably best you tackle it by yourself.
Ah, Carson.
May we please have some tea? Of course, milady.
Anna said you were interviewing footmen today.
That is correct.
Have you chosen the lucky winner? Not yet.
There were two candidates when it came down to it.
One was steady, but not much else, but the ladies downstairs want the other one.
Why is that? I don't know precisely, unless it's because he's more handsome.
Of course it's because he's more handsome.
Oh, do pick him, Carson, and cheer us all up a bit.
Alfred's nice, but he does look like a puppy who's been rescued from a puddle.
Well, this new one seems very sure of himself.
You can manage that, can't you? I suppose I could, sir.
Well, it's settled, then.
Tell the maids they can buy their valentines.
So be it, milady.
But Alfred is very good, you know.
He's very willing, even if he is Miss 0'Brien's nephew.
Clearly, nothing worse could be said of any man.
You'll want to say goodbye.
I give you my blessings for your whole life long, my darling boy.
You won't remember that or me, but they'll stay with you all the same.
Let's not make a meal of it.
- Mummy.
- Come on.
I'll write to you.
I'll never see my son again.
Never is a long time, Ethel.
But you were right.
He does love Charlie.
And not just for his father's sake.
Well, I must be going.
I'll say goodbye.
You've done a hard thing, today, Ethel.
The hardest thing of all.
You don't agree, do you? I don't want to make you doubt, now that it's happened.
You've done the right thing for the boy, Ethel.
Whatever Mrs Crawley may say.
Begging your pardon, ma'am.
Perhaps you're right.
I am, until we live in a very different world from this one.
Well, then.
I should be away.
What chance is there for a woman like her? She's taken the road to ruin.
There's no way back.
Stand up.
Against the wall, the pair of ya! - What are you looking for? - Just keep quiet.
Mr Turner.
Well, well, a very mysterious package.
I don't think.
Craig, what do you call this? I don't know.
I've done nothing.
You'd better come with us, Craig.
You'll be sorry.
Oh, thank God.
I'm so sorry.
It's all right.
They didn't try to stop me.
But it doesn't mean they won't come after us, unless Papa can persuade them otherwise.
Tom, how could you have left her all alone, to fend for herself? It wasn't like that.
We thought this might happen and we'd decided what to do.
The question is, what now? You mustn't travel any more.
Not before the baby's born.
But Tom wants it to be born in Dublin.
He won't hold you to that now.
Won't this be the first place that they look? How could you be part of it? The Drumgooles are like us.
She came out with me.
She was Laura Dunsany then.
How could you dance round her burning house, Tom? It's horrible.
He didn't dance and he isn't dancing now.
Come in.
A telegram for you, milady.
Your father's coming home.
He's seen Mr Shortt.
And what happened? He doesn't say.
Only that neither of you is to leave Downton.
You're back.
I am.
Anything happened here? There's a new footman.
Came today.
- How was London? - Quite fun, as a matter of fact.
Has the firebrand been saved? That's not for me to say, is it, Mr Molesley? Now, I'd better take these upstairs.
You got the job, then? I'm on my way, Mr Barrow.
They say you were a footman once.
That's right.
So can I come to you if there's anything I need to know? Certainly.
Why not? I can never go back to Ireland? That's impossible! If you do, you'll be put in prison.
It's the best I could manage.
Surely they need proof, to ban a man from his own country? They have more proof than Tom will concede.
Is that fair? He's admitted to being there.
He's told you so himself.
But he did not tell me that he attended Dublin meetings where the attacks on the Anglo-Irish were planned.
I was always against any personal violence.
I swear it.
Oh, so at least we can sleep in our beds.
But you were not against the violent destruction of property.
I've told you.
The sight of it was worse than I expected.
So what was the deal you managed to extract from the Home Secretary? They don't want to make a martyr of him.
And with Sybil, they think they could have another Maud Gonne on their hands, or Lady Gregory or worse, if they're not careful.
Lady Gregory, Countess Markievicz, why are the Irish rebels so well-born? Whatever the reason, I don't want Lady Sybil Branson to join their ranks.
Mercifully, nor do the Irish authorities.
If Tom can stay away, they'll leave him alone.
I can't be kept away from Ireland.
You'll be arrested the moment you touch dry land.
Now then, do what Mr Carson tells you.
- I know what I'm about.
- Are you all right, Alfred? Yes, but shouldn't I be carrying the pork and Jimmy the veg? I am first footman.
- Never mind that.
Up you go.
- I think Alfred's right.
- Isn't he first footman, like he says? - That's for Mr Carson to decide.
By heck it's nice to think we're running at full strength again.
Really? I'm running at full strength and always have been with no one to help me, neither.
All in good time, Daisy.
All in good time.
What do you mean you wrote to a newspaper? No lady writes to a newspaper.
What about Lady Sarah Wilson? She's the daughter of a duke, and she worked as a war journalist.
She's a Churchill.
The Churchills are different.
Have we no Churchill blood? I think Granny is right.
Can somebody write that down? It's good to have strong views, but notoriety is never helpful.
Well, I've sent it now.
It won't be published.
Thank you for the vote of confidence, Papa.
This is our new footman, Mama.
- What should we call you? - Jimmy.
James, your Ladyship.
This is James.
- Welcome to Downton, James.
- Thank you, milord.
Well done, Carson.
That must have cheered up the maids.
He looks like a footman in a musical review.
Poor Alfred.
We mustn't allow him to be completely overshadowed.
Quite right, milady.
Hard work and diligence weigh more than beauty in the real world.
If only that were true.
I've never been James in my life.
I was Jimmy to Lady Anstruther.
I don't care if you were Father Christmas to Lady Anstruther.
You are James now, and you will stay James while you are at Downton.
He thinks he's the big cheese and no mistake.
That's 'cause he is the big cheese.
He's nice that new bloke, isn't he? Why do you say that? Oh, only an impression, that's all.
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed.
Can you tell the others? Tomorrow we'll make some plans.
I don't know how.
You've lived out of Ireland before.
Surely you can again.
But Ireland is coming of age now and I need to be part of that.
But I know what you've done for me.
I know you've kept me free.
And I am grateful.
Poor chap.
I'm sure he is grateful.
No, he's not.
He says it to keep the peace with Sybil.
But then I only rescued him for Sybil's sake, so I suppose we're even.
Did you get a chance to look through the books they brought in? As a matter of fact, I did.
- Could you make head or tail of them? - I think so.
I was waiting for a good moment to discuss them.
Oh? Yes, there were some aspects of the way things have been done - that I wasn't quite sure about.
- You sound like Murray.
Do I? He's always banging on about how we should overhaul this or overhaul that.
Nothing's ever right for him.
Well, I hesitate to say it Come on.
We should let them get in here.
We can talk about it another time if you really want to.
These came for you, Bates.
When? - When did they come? - They came when you were out of favour.
Now you're in favour again.
Why? What have I done? Just watch out for Mr Durrant.
You're not a favourite with him.
Oh, my Oh! Are you going to tip that over me? I was just making myself some toast.
You have to set the number on the dial and I had it up too high, but I've got the hang of it now.
Would you like a piece? I was worried that Mr Branson might take it into his head to burn the house down.
But I didn't think that you would.
No? You should never take anything for granted, Mr Carson.
No, no, no, no, not now! You never told me you went to those meetings.
I never told you I didn't.
And what else haven't you told me? All I know is I can't stay here.
Not for long.
You must.
And so must I.
And you must let the baby be born here.
You're very free with your musts.
But I will not be free with our child's chances.
We need peace and safety.
Downton can offer us both.
God in heaven! "Earl's daughter speaks out for women's rights.
" What? "In a letter to this newspaper today, "Lady Edith Crawley, daughter of the Earl of Grantham, "condemns the limitations of the women's suffrage bill "and denounces the Government's aims to return women to their pre-war existence.
" You said they wouldn't print it.
Well done.
That's most impressive.
Don't say you support her.
Of course I support her, and so do you, really, when you've had a chance to think about it.
So I should hope, anyway.
What do you think, Carson? I would rather not say, milord.
Anna? Yes.
There's quite a packet of letters arrived for you earlier.
Are they all from Mr Bates? It looks like it.
Why so many at once? Oh, I neither know nor care, just so long as I've got them.
Thanks for sticking up for me last night.
It won't make any difference.
Oh, no.
But it's good to know you're on my side.
I am on your side, Alfred.
In fact, there's something I've been wanting to say.
You've got my attention.
- Well - Ah, here we are, Daisy! I'd like to introduce Miss Ivy Stuart, the new kitchen maid.
And this is Daisy, my assistant cook.
My, but aren't you a sight for sore eyes, Miss Stuart? That's enough of that.
Alfred's a footman, so you'll know enough not to listen to a word he says.
Shoo! Tell me if you need any help.
Sorry, Daisy.
What were you saying? Nothing.
It don't matter now.
I hope we're going to get on.
We don't have to get on.
We have to work together.
A situation has arisen and I'm not quite sure which way to turn.
Well, obviously, if you've turned to me.
Robert won't discuss the matter.
And Mary is affronted by the very mention of it.
But given that I've sunk my own fortune, alongside everyone else's into Into, into Downton.
I feel a duty, apart from anything else, to do what I can.
About? Downton is being mismanaged, Cousin Violet, and something must be done.
The thing is, how do I do it without putting people's noses out of joint? Oh, my dear, oh, I doubt there is a way to achieve that.
I mean, you must do what needs to be done, of course.
But, oh, I think I can safely say a great many noses will be out of joint.