Downton Abbey s05e90 Episode Script

Text Santa

Papa, I've looked at the estate accounts and if we all learned to dress ourselves, we could save 40,000 a year.
Next you'll be suggesting you go and get a job.
Oh, I do so love Christmas.
The whole family together.
It's a pity Granny decided to go skiing.
She was in the papers today.
She's broken the world record for ski jump.
Good for her.
Though I must say I've never been happier, and long may it last.
A toast to happiness.
- To happiness.
- Happiness.
Telegram, my lord.
Thank you, Carson.
- Ohh.
- Bad news? I'm afraid so.
It appears I have lost our entire fortune.
Not again.
I've let you all down.
Frankly, it would be better if I had never been born.
Darling, don't say that.
I'm going to take the car out for a spin.
Papa, don't.
You know what happens to anyone who takes the car out for a spin at Christmas.
I may be some time.
Don't be ridiculous, Lord Grantham.
You have everything to live for.
Crikey, who are you? I'm an angel, darling.
Look, I want to show you what life would have been like here If indeed you had never been born.
This will be perfect for when I'm doing the Black Bottom at the Tea Dance.
This will be perfect for when I'm on stage with my band.
Ahh, you got my delivery.
Is that a tradesman? In one of the bedrooms? Yes.
He's rather dishy.
That's right, ladies.
All the way from Selfridge's I brought you the finest in silk undergarments.
Typical yank.
Harry? What are you doing here? I brought you this.
Ohh, are you buying Mr.
Selfridge's undergarments, too? Well, not as such, but last time I was in Mr.
Selfridge's store We were discussing how to help the poor at the east end, and somehow, I managed to leave it in his office.
It's easily done.
In a bedroom with a tradesman? With a beard? He is one of the richest men in England.
Is he.
Perhaps he should meet Edith.
What is going on here? I think you need to leave.
Come, come.
Downton Abbey and Mr.
Selfridge should not be quarreling.
After all, we are on the same channel.
Ahh, and this will be perfect when I'm being flighty and spontaneous.
That's right.
That is the spirit, and there is more of that at Selfridge's Because it is a wonderful, magical place where all your dreams could come true, And the only limit is your imagination.
You're not Willy Wonka.
Not yet.
Do you have these in a size Thirteen? Come, come.
I think it's time.
His lordship's whiskey is absolutely delicious.
Not as nice as his brandy.
This is disgraceful.
What, them nicking your booze? I don't care about the booze.
Look at that fool Carson.
He's wearing my best slippers.
I'm out.
Three kings.
Not so fast, buster.
Full house.
Ladies over sevens.
Take them off.
Off! Off! Off! Off! We don't want Mr.
Molesley taking any more clothes off.
Where's Jimmy when you need him.
Why is Mrs.
Patmore wearing those ludicrous glasses? Because you don't exist The new earl hasn't paid for her cataract operation.
Who is the new earl? What you making, Molesley? I'm busy.
- What are you drinking, Rose? - Busy.
Thank you.
Lord and Lady Carlisle have asked us over for dinner tonight.
Aww, heck.