Downtown Girls (2010) s01e01 Episode Script

Recycling Your Ex

Hey, guys, it's Shallon.
Thank you so much for watching all my vlogs and reading all my articles on glamour.
I love getting tips about where to eat and drink for free.
I steal toilet paper from Starbucks.
You know, unless you've written a novel called twilight, you ain't rich.
What's going on with the roommates? Mm Nikki's stressing a little bit about the store and how business is doing.
I need to raise my sales, like, 10% from last month, and they're not there yet.
Even though she's a daddy's girl and she comes from a really good family, she is a very serious businesswoman.
She is also very serious about finding a guy in the city who she has not already dated, which is a very tall order.
Victoria's freaking out about passing her second attempt at the bar exam and getting a job.
I'm under pressure, but, I mean, who is not under pressure? She's also a notorious serial first-dater, so at the very least, she's keeping herself busy.
Gurj is really going strong with her rocker boyfriend, Jared.
They are so happy.
Unfortunately, he's leaving for tour soon, and they're just joined at the hip.
I'm gonna cry when you go.
But she's got a really cool job at Atlantic records, so don't cry for her too hard.
Klo's wedding is rapidly approaching.
Oh, my God.
You couldn't pay me to go back to dating.
I am so excited.
I mean, it's not every day that your best friend gets married.
Unless, of course, your best friend is Pamela Anderson.
Then it's just another Saturday night.
we need dates.
I know.
I'm so bored lately.
I feel like I've dated, like, every available guy, like, different kinds, like, the band kinds.
Did you really date a car thief? I sure did.
There are some good exes.
I make it sound like I've only dated, like, the worst people on earth, but I have, like, good exes who I still like.
Just--you know, I'm sure you do.
Yeah, I have lots of exes that I like.
Hello, hot to trot.
Hi! Ready to go? Yeah.
Are you? Baby, I was born to do this.
Look at these hips.
Hello, ladies.
I brought friends.
Yay! Hi.
Mwah! Obviously you've done this before.
Yes, not well.
And have you guys done this? No.
I'm so excited.
Oh, my gosh, virgin pole dancers, yay.
I am such a virgin.
You haven't said that in a long time.
Draw your legs up.
Straight up.
Good, good, good.
So just like a big-- hi! Hi! Hi, sorry I'm late.
It's our other stripper.
I'm sorry, I'm just, like, it's so not me.
I'm so not into this.
You can do it, Gurj.
You can do it.
Stick your booty out.
Stick your booty out.
I feel violated.
Yeah, I really don't-- you should.
All right, so should we do our first pole trick? all you have to remember is not to think, okay? It's pole dancing.
It's not physics.
Like that? So let's learn just a really fun move that you can do at 2:00 in the morning on the subway.
Clean the pole.
Clean it! Clean it! Oh, my God.
Swallowing the pole.
Nikki, I was seriously impressed.
That was amazing.
My tushy.
Thank you so much.
Oh, my gosh.
It was amazing.
Thank you so much, everyone.
We were, like, talking about our exes, and I think collectively, between, like, the two of us and probably if we factor in, like, the rest of us, we've dated, like, every available man in Manhattan.
I've dated everyone on the spectrum.
I can't believe both of you are single.
I know.
Maybe you could recycle between the three of you, like, each do an ex.
Not "do," but-- oh, no, do.
That'd be awkward.
If you wanted.
Let's have an ex swap.
Oh, my God, that's hilarious.
Let's totally have an ex swap.
Ex swap.
Ex swap.
Ex swap! But you won't get weird.
'Cause you say it's, like, a good idea now, and then I think when you see-- I don't think it'd bother me.
Like, if they're an ex, they're an ex for a reason.
I don't mind.
I mean, I don't think I mind, but I am an only child.
I don't think you're gonna know until you see one of these-- yeah, I'm kind of a jealous biatch.
I don't know if you knew that, but-- I might mind.
Well, should we bring a guy for you? Are you allowed to, like, flirt with him? No.
I wouldn't want to.
Will you, like, talk to him and hang out? I mean, I'll talk to him.
But-- yeah.
I'll talk to him about my boyfriend.
Should we bring them to the house, or is that weird? I'd say let's do it on neutral territory.
'Cause then in case, like-- Sweden.
Karaoke? No.
Okay, no, that's the worst idea ever.
I like karaoke.
What about bowling? Bowling? Let's bowl.
I think bowling.
It's gonna be good, or it'll be a huge disaster.
Oh, this'll be-- one woman's trash is another woman's treasure.
That's right.
This is a boyfriend garage sale, practically.
After being awkwardly sexy in stripper class, I emailed my boss at glamour.
Com and pitched her my idea about the ex swap.
This party was either gonna be a huge success or a friendship-ending festival of jealousy.
I mean, can you really recycle your ex? What if I dated my friends' exes and they dated mine? Huh? 'Cause if a guy likes me, chances are, he'd like my friends because we're all so similar and vice versa, right? So I think this could be a really good idea.
I mean, after all, we're all drowning in our own dating pools.
We might as well try dipping our toes in each other's.
Gurj's boyfriend, Jared, is in town, but that doesn't mean she gets a pass on participating in our weird little dating experiments.
Hopefully this one won't really tick the boy off and put him on the wrong side of the ex party.
So Shallon had an idea Yeah? About doing An ex swap, kind of like a wife swap but with ex boyfriends.
And so we came up with this idea that we should all hang out one evening and bring an ex for each other, which I think is a bit weird.
It's like pooing where you eat or eating where you poo.
But-- Also they were asking me, like, if they bring someone if I'd flirt with them.
And I was like, "I probably wouldn't flirt with him.
" And they were like, "will you talk to him?" And I was like, "I'll talk to him, but I'll talk to him about my boyfriend.
" When's this going on? This weekend.
While I'm here? I'm not gonna flirt with anyone.
It's gonna be funny to watch.
You were really good at that pole dancing thing.
Thank you.
You were quite the natural stripper.
I can't believe Gurj wouldn't do it.
I'm so surprised.
I know.
I'm coming.
So I've invited Klo to our ex swap party.
Yeah, she's engaged, but she didn't join a convent.
She can definitely get her flirt on every once in a while.
I want you to come 'cause you have to flirt with these boys too.
I can flirt with boys.
Can you get Gurj to flirt with boys? Because I feel like she doesn't think that she can.
Flirting's okay.
Flirting's innocent.
Flirting's okay.
As long as it's not like, "hey, baby, meet me in the bathroom.
" Yeah.
So what boys are we thinking of bringing to the ex swap? I'm thinking of bringing two boys.
Yes! Are they real exes, though? Yes.
Who are you thinking of bringing? Dargon.
You are? Yes.
I'm so excited to meet him.
You will love him.
He rides a motorcycle.
Ooh, I've been with a boy with a vespa.
Where does he live, again? That would be new Jersey.
Does he have roommates? I wouldn't call them that, no.
Would you call them parents? Because they're parents.
I would call them more like parents.
So you want me to make out with your ex boyfriend that lives with his parents in Jersey.
Yep, that's what she's saying.
He's really hot.
He is really cute.
We need to do a little f-book stalking of these boys.
Victoria, who are you bringing? I have three boys on my roster.
Three? I feel bad.
I'm only bringing one.
I'm bringing a guy named Jed and Mike.
He's a lawyer.
And then I'm bringing Jeff, who is kind of an old ex-boyfriend, but he's a bit young.
How young? Uh, I don't want to say.
Here's Dargon.
Oh, my God.
Isn't he foxy? He's totally cute.
He's foxy.
And he's so sweet.
Let's see your potentials, Nikki.
That's Chase.
He's hot.
He's cute.
Ooh, I like him.
With two "t"s.
Here's Jason.
You're really giving us a lot to work with.
He's cute.
Oh, wait.
I didn't show you Jeff.
He's a little young.
How old is he? He's 19.
Is that a bar mitzvah he's at? Maybe.
That's what it looks like.
School play! It's his school play.
Guys, what's wrong with that? Extracurricular activities.
Drama club '09.
Just to recap, for Victoria, we have Jeff, who is 19 and in the drama club, and I have the guy who lives in Jersey with his parents.
So I'm the only one bringing anyone worthwhile? I think I'm gonna go home alone, and you two are going home with my exes.
Really? Thanks, guys.
We're on our way to lucky strike to bowl and bond with each other's exes.
My genius plan is finally in action.
But first, we have to go over some very important ground rules.
We need to figure out, like, a red zone for jealous, a green zone for go.
When you see me shove you into the lane, that will be red zone jealousy.
Red zone.
Should we go sit down? Yes.
Shot time! Oh, mistake.
How are you? How are you? Good.
Nice to meet you.
How are you? Good.
Check it out.
What's going on? Oh, my God! How are you? I'm so happy to see you.
Here, sit here.
So how are you? Good, how are you? This is Shallon.
Nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you.
Hi, nice to meet you.
What's your name? Jeff.
God, I just spotted my ex and did exactly what any other Completely panic and profusely sweat.
Oh, my God, where, where? Dargon's here at the bar, in the red shirt.
Oh, my God.
Love you.
Shut up.
Don't judge me.
Hey, you.
Hey, what's going on? Hi! Hi.
How you doing? Oh, my God.
Long time, no see.
I know.
You probably have, like, ten new tattoos I haven't seen, right? Uh, yeah.
12, 15.
Oh! Okay, so let me fill you in on who's who.
So Victoria's friends are here.
The guy in the blue shirt is 19.
Shallon is a writer for glamour.
Which one's Shallon? The blonde with the big t-shirt.
Thank you so much.
You're so positive in the way you talk about people.
Yes, I did.
Should we bowl soon? Yes, oh, my God, yes.
Whoo! Smooch! What is happening? What the [bleep]? Do we need to get a room for Victoria? I think she's gonna take his virginity.
I know you lied to me about your age, and I lied to you about my age But you lied to me too.
But, like, I totally But I understand.
I totally miss you.
I'm not mad at you.
I ain't mad at you.
Should we bowl? Let's bowl.
Baby, if you come stay with me, the dining hall is your oyster.
You want the soft serve, you can have the soft serve.
And I can put a sock on the doorknob, and my roommate Rajip is gonna be gone all night.
Usually when I bowl, I can, like, get a strike, but it's a complete fluke.
I'm horrible.
It's all in the wrist.
Well, Gurj is keeping her promise not to flirt, but Victoria is past the point of no return.
She's Frenching that kid again.
It is unsanitary.
Maybe Victoria was on to something.
Suddenly the theme of this party looked a lot less like recycle your ex and way more like reuse.
Well, awesome.
Dargon is actually into the bowling.
My gosh! Why do you have to be tall and pretty and good at bowling? My friends are all scoring, but of course, I'm striking out.
It's time to do something drastic.
Ooh, those balls look big.
Hmm, did I say earlier that flirting was innocent? False.
It's my turn.
No, it isn't.
You just went.
All right, should we do it together? Get out.
No! Oh! Watch it! Oh! That's pretty good.
That is pretty good.
That's better.
Team effort.
Team effort.
Excuse me.
We're trying to bowl! I saw that bowling.
That was pretty good.
Maybe you could teach me how to bowl.
It's getting late, but Victoria is finally remembering the theme of the party.
You're gonna get me in so much trouble, you have no idea.
I'm gonna get me in so much trouble, I have no idea.
I hope Nikki Laura is not gonna haterate.
I think it's already a foregone conclusion.
Foregone conclusion.
Look at you, preying on the little ones.
Yeah, I have that cougar mentality.
Does that mean you can't handle an older man? Yeah, I can totally handle an older man.
Uh-oh, my bf is awaiting.
Well, you should go.
What are you doing over there? Nothing.
You're being a little quiet.
I'm kind of quiet.
He's a quiet kind of guy.
Blow on it.
Blow on it.
I would say you go.
Give, like, a very sexy blow.
All right, do you want to teach me? Stick your tongue down his throat! Stop it! I just made out with him.
You made out with him? Yes! You just made with her? Yes! Oh, yeah, it's official.
Did you just kiss her? Yeah, he did.
Klo said you kissed her.
Him or him? Him.
Okay, here we go.
Where's my camera? Are you sure it wasn't him? She was sitting on his lap right here.
You're gonna make me look like an idiot? I'm being dead serious.
This whole night was a disaster.
So did you meet any boys you're interested in tonight? Nope.
Did I meet? No.
Did I kiss my ex? Yes.
Did Victoria kiss my ex? Yes.
I was drunk.
You're so proud of yourself that you made out with everyone.
I think it's unbelievable.
I think you did make out with everyone, though.
You humped a 19-year-old in the middle of a bowling alley.
I don't think we humped.
Well, where's my camera? But, you know-- really? Because-- Wednesday is hump day, so I was just being festive.
And if you have a problem with that, Nikki Laura, you could take it up with the person who invented hump day.
It's been a rough night.
I'm ready to go to sleep.
I think you should.
Nice job last night.
Oh, thank you.
Way to go.
I think we all get a big fail for that experiment.
No, can I just say, Shallon, so last night, the whole point was, we were bringing guys or exes to swap for each other, and she actually followed through.
It was your idea, Shallon.
But just--the plan was-- I hate to say, your idea.
The plan was to make an actual connection, not to make out with-- there's no shortage of guys for us to just make out with.
A connection of lips.
A connection of lips.
I made several connections.
You sure did.
I'm just reviewing them right now.
You are pleased that you didn't make e a connection with Dargon, because you'd be making a connection with the E.
Bowling ball peace.
So who hit you up this morning, then? The young one.
Did you really date him? I don't believe you.
When did you possibly date him? He's been in high school.
I think that we've all answered the question, "how young is too young?" Apparently I didn't know I was a jealous person, but apparently I am.
Yeah, apparently I still-- sorry, Nikki.
It's quite all right.
As long as it was all fun and games, it doesn't matter.
It's all in fun, and I just-- you know.
This is my favorite part from last night.
I thought it was fair game.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
I overreacted like a crazy person last night, which is fine.
I'm allowed to.
I'm a girl.
I'm just drunk and emotional.
He's a much better friend to have than boyfriend.
Well, Gurj, I'm proud of you for coming last night.
I had fun.
I'm glad I came.
I mean, I know the bf is here, but-- I know.
It's fun, though.
And I'm not gonna not talk to someone just because I'm not single anymore.
That's also really pretentious to be--to just assume that every guy is trying to flirt with me.
Yeah, Bob assumes that.
I'm sorry.
I'm taken.
He's like, "I'm just asking for the time.
" There's no sloppy exes.
I don't want you to ever, ever sleep with any of my exes.
Guys, I will be upset.
I will be upset.
Well, you guys won't, so-- Recycling your ex is a horrible, horrible idea, maybe the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night was pretty much a disaster on all counts.
But, on the plus side, Gurje came out and talked to some new guys, I think we're all trying to find out that you wanna flirt the rest of your life with, right? I mean, except for me.
I'm looking for a dude with a yacht, but that's just me.
I'm a hard woman to please.
This season on downtown girls Do you like my tattoo? I have the same one on my ass.
Now he's got some girlfriend who weighs 100 pounds.