Downward Dog (2017) s01e05 Episode Script
Trashed
1 Sometimes, I feel like Nan and I are almost like different species.
And in some ways, that's great.
If I was with someone just like me, it would be this constant, like, "Oh, who's handsomer? Who's smarter? Like, who tells the best jokes?" Aah! Whoo! And with Nan, there's not any of that competition.
Hey, I almost died alone again.
You wouldn't eat me if I died in the house, would you? Would you? But part of being different means that there are aspects of each other that, like, we'll never understand.
Like, Nan exists in this very naive, idealistic kind of neverland.
She's so innocent.
"Can you tell me where to catch the 2 train to Brooklyn?" That's not "Is this the 2 train to Brooklyn?" That's That's the one.
But me, I'm just edgier and less ruled by societal norms.
For instance, part of me has always just really, really liked trash.
Just, like, getting into it.
And I actually like that about myself.
Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh! No! But Nan is so uptight and pious that she feels the need to act like it's disgusting or something.
And that makes me worry about our base compatibility, you know? Oh, buddy.
Oh, I know.
You can't come to New York, though, okay? I wish you could, but you can't.
You can't come.
Come on out.
Come on, buddy.
And, of course, when Nan starts packing up to leave, I have to put on this whole show of being like, "Oh, my God! Don't leave! It's gonna crush me!" But in reality, I get kind of excited because I know I'll get to explore some things and, like, have a little fun for once.
Hello? Hey.
Oh, great.
Hi.
You're here.
Listen, Jason, how do I look? Like, do I do I look like New Yorky? Like Uh, well, saying "New Yorky" isn't helping your cause.
Okay, Jason, um, I have, like, the biggest presentation of my life in six hours.
So maybe you could just like I just want, like, pure support.
That's all I want.
You look very New Yorky.
And they're gonna love you.
And then, you're gonna abandon all us lowly Pittsburghers.
- Okay.
- And take Martin from me.
All right, you're being, like, super-dramatic right now.
But also, super-sweet.
So thank you.
Okay.
[Sighs.]
Mommy's gotta go! She's gotta go! Ooh, I love you, and I miss you.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah! - Ooh, you're gonna like this.
- Hmm? I'm gonna be going on an adventure of my own while you're gone in virtual reality! Oh, gross.
Can you just Will you clean up? They're not just for porn anymore.
It's called "Moons of Deimos.
" It's sick, it's interactive, it's multiplayer.
- And I'm gonna play with all my buds - Wow, okay.
You make it really easy to be just friends sometimes.
- [Laughs.]
- All right, I am gonna go.
Oh, listen, um, I forgot to take the trash out.
So can you take it out? 'Cause the truck comes today, and if it stays there all week, it's just gonna reek.
And, oh, the latch outside, remember, the latch is kinda It catches a little bit, so be careful with it.
Okay.
Go! - I'm going! - We'll be fine! Bye-bye! I love you! Dog I love the dog! Bye! Okay, thank you! - Hey.
- Hey.
You're gonna do great.
Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
Okay.
[Cellphone chimes.]
Uh-oh.
Are you getting selfies from your ex? Wait.
Are things back on? No.
No.
I mean look around.
Like, can you imagine Jason here? He'd feel more comfortable in, like, a fictional moon.
Hey, guys.
Badges.
- Rigatoni Boy! - [Thump.]
[Groans.]
Here you go.
Oh.
Thank you.
What just happened? Oh, nothing.
It's just guy stuff.
You wouldn't understand, Nan.
[Chuckles.]
Kevin, that guy just assaulted you.
Okay, look.
I did a commercial when I was a kid where I got hit in the tats with a baseball and then I tried some of Mama Carnisi's delicious rigatoni, and it made it all better, okay? That's it.
I don't know why people find it so funny.
- Rigatoni Boy! - Hey, there he is.
Ha! You! [Both laugh.]
- This guy.
- Hi.
I'm Roberto.
- Nan: Hi.
- We're ready for you upstairs.
Okay.
Great.
- [Thump.]
- Oooooh! Time to enter a whole different reality, dude.
I mean, I've had garbage binges that were honestly, like, personally transformative sensory journeys.
Like, they changed me.
There's just the combination of, like, the sweet and the salty and the rot and the umami and, like, the dirt from the hallway just, like, dusting the pad Thai.
I mean, one time, like, one time, there was a diaper in there.
The food just tastes so alive like, sometimes, literally.
And Nan's always like, "Oh, my God.
It's so dangerous.
You'll get sick and die.
Blah, blah, blah.
" And I'm like, I do it because it's dangerous.
The danger makes me feel alive.
[Brakes squeal.]
Oh, crap! [Groans.]
[Whines.]
I mean, it's not like I have to get in the trash.
It's just, like, no one likes it when you're looking forward to something and somebody just comes and rips it away.
It's just rude.
- You ready, bro? - Oh, got ya, Drew.
- Call me Dorgon in here.
- Got ya, Dorgon.
Especially when I already have the taste in my mouth.
Because once I get a taste, I can't stop until until I've been satisfied.
[Indistinct conversations.]
[Conversations stop.]
The table is huge.
And you get to sit right up front.
Good to see you.
Um, I'm just I'm gonna I'm just I'm gonna use the restroom just for a minute.
I'll be right back.
Oh, my God.
This is so stupid.
[Sighs.]
Hey.
Are you all right? I don't think I can go back in there.
I mean, those those people are all, like, they're so perfect and and, like, clean, and I'm I was the weird little poor kid whose mom ran off with the dentist, you know? I don't even know what I was thinking.
Why did I think I could even Ow! Dude, ow! Look, you are brilliant.
And you're very smart, and you are extremely clean, okay? And it's because of all the stuff that you went through that you have anything interesting to say.
So just get it together, okay? And let's get back out there.
- Yes? - Yes.
Yes.
- Are you good? - I'm good, yes.
Okay.
Good.
Thank you for punching me in the boob.
Oh, my God.
So welcome.
Anytime.
I am very excited to be pitching you guys something that truly skates to where the puck is when it comes to minimal world-class product integration.
Not sure where my team is right now.
Whew! It's hot in here.
Is it not hot? I'm kinda hot.
Oh! Thank God! All right, I'm gonna give the floor over to to Nan.
Hi, everyone.
I apologize.
I was actually in the bathroom feeling insecure and undeserving, which, as it turns out, is how most of America feels.
But I think we can help that uh, even just a little bit.
Let's get started.
Uh, Jenn, Rigatoni Boy [Laughter.]
this is my dog, Martin.
And this is where our whole campaign started.
[Engine idling.]
Martin: I'm sure when Jason the traitor stole the garbage from me, he thought he would get, like, bedroom-giggles time with Nan.
But in reality, like, he opened a whole new world of trash to me.
It's just at some point, enough is enough.
Like, I'm tired of hiding who I am.
By living in the shadows, like, I've actually been buying into her Puritanical narrative that trash is bad and unhealthy and shameful.
I'm not hiding anymore.
Like, there's a big, beautiful, trashy world out here, and I'm gonna taste every fetid, moldy scrap of it.
- To Nan.
- To Nan! Yeah! Whoo! I don't want to speak too soon, but I feel like this is the direction we'll be going this fall.
Oh! You're almost like a young me.
But Tristen's never bought one of your ideas.
I hate you.
[Both laugh.]
To Nan! Come on! Every time I'm here, it blows my mind.
Just all these lives just stacked on top of each other, you know? Millions and millions of them.
I feel like your whole life has been building up to some kind of Woody Allen montage, that begins right now, on this rooftop.
[Laughs.]
I don't think we're allowed to reference Woody Allen anymore, actually.
Ohh, yeah.
I forgot that everyone was horrible for a moment.
[Cellphone chimes.]
Oh, no! Ugh! I have to have dinner with Dan's parents, - who just came in from the Hamptons.
- Mm.
Are you gonna be okay if I just abandon you? - Um - [Men chanting "Rigatoni Boy!".]
- You know what? I'll walk you out.
- Yep.
Okay.
I'd hate to spend the night with these douchebags when I could be out enjoying a crisp, New York fall day.
[Horns honk.]
["Rhapsody in Blue" plays.]
Martin: The thing is, like, trash makes me happy.
If something makes me happy, like, how can it be wrong? [French accent.]
Excuse me.
Is this the 2 train to Brooklyn? [Chuckling.]
Oh, my God! I have no idea, but I am so flattered that you asked me, so - Wow.
Thank you.
- Thanks.
Hey, good luck.
[Laughs.]
Wow.
[Music stops.]
Sometimes, I get confused.
Sometimes, I overanalyze and I take simple, simple problems and I turn them into these mazes of insecurity.
But sometimes, my purpose is clear.
[Music resumes.]
Like, it was all just teeth and hunger and the juice of old meat.
I was just fully me.
And the sad thing is, I'm sure if Nan saw me right now, she would start nagging about, like, how dirty and gross I am.
But, like, at this point, I don't even care what she thinks of me anymore.
Nan will never understand the wonder of trash.
And maybe she'll never understand me, but that's her loss.
Like, I know who I am.
I'm an animal.
I'm a filthy trash animal.
Watch me roar.
Hold on.
Time out for a sec, bro.
Martin, you good? - Drew: What were you saying, dude? - Oh, sorry, man.
- No, it's just that, like - Sometimes, I feel like we have this rare kind of connection, but at the same time, I just can't be something that I'm not.
And she doesn't want what I am.
I get it, dude, but you gotta be you.
I know.
But me is someone who wants her.
Look, I think you need to cut it off, even platonically.
Set yourself free.
Yeah, I think I need to stop devaluing myself.
Honestly, man, I feel like sometimes, she just doesn't respect me.
[Camera clicks.]
It was all kind of a blur.
But as I dug deeper and deeper into the garbage, it was, like, I just I just kept going.
It's like I wasn't even enjoying it anymore, but it was like this compulsion.
Like, I kept eating until I physically couldn't fit any more trash down my throat.
And the craziest thing is that, like, some part of me still thought the trash held the answers that maybe there was some different, like, more extreme form of trash that would make me feel okay about myself, even just for a few minutes.
But then, I guess I guess I passed out.
Because all these memories came flooding back to me [Puppies whining.]
things I had forgotten or repressed.
Like, my mom was there and my brothers and sisters.
And I remembered, "Right," like, "This is why I like trash so much.
Because I'm a trash dog from a line of trash dogs.
" And maybe all this time, Nan did know the real me.
Like, maybe that gate was left open for a reason.
Why would anyone want to be with a trash dog, like me? Good girl! [Indistinct conversation.]
[Laughter.]
[Gasps.]
Oh.
Hey.
Weren't you in the park? [Laughing.]
Yeah, I was.
It's bizarre.
What a small world.
- Hello.
- Hey.
Can we help you with something? This is the girl I was telling you about.
The one who was taking pictures of us? I'm not stalking you.
I-I saw you guys, and I followed you to your house.
Which, saying out loud, I realize now that's definitely what stalking is, so I was stalking you.
[Laughs nervously.]
I mean, you two remind me of me and my ex, and I just I-I really I wanted to see what kind of house you lived in.
I am so sorry.
I'm just gonna leave you to it.
I'm sor Are you Are you guys happy? Uh, what? I know that's really weird, and I'm not trying to be creepy.
I just I just really want to know if this could work for us.
Me and this guy.
Not like us like us, the three of us.
You seem very nice, and I hope everything works out for you, but we're gonna go inside right now.
That's absolutely understandable.
Thank you.
Sorry about that.
Did either one of you have to make any compromises, though, to make it to make it work? [Sighing.]
All right.
Pshew.
Martin: I know I say this all the time, but today was the worst day of my life.
[Raccoon chitters.]
But when I woke up, I just knew.
I knew I had to get back to Nan.
It's so real! Oh, Martin.
You'd love it here.
There's so many birds! [Gearshift clicks.]
[Car door closes.]
Martin: I realize that some people might say, like, Nan's this amazing, talented, beautiful, smart person whose hair smells like flowers all the time.
Like, why would she ever want to be with me? [Footsteps approach.]
And I don't know how to answer that question, but the beautiful thing is, as soon as I saw her, I remembered, "Oh, yeah.
Of course.
Nan is crazy about me.
" Like, no matter what mistakes I make, it's almost like I can never do anything to lose her love.
Martin? - Hey! - Huh? Martin was outside! - What? - Look at him! He's filthy! Oh, my God.
I-I When I had the goggles on, I thought that he was on the sofa.
I'm I'm I'm so sorry.
I cannot believe I was about to walk in here and ask you to - Ask me what? - Nothing.
Never mind.
It doesn't matter.
Look, hey, hey, I messed up.
I'm sorry.
Jason, Martin could've died! You are such a child sometimes.
It's unreal.
I-I said I'm sorry! I-I don't know what else to say! You know, people make mistakes.
When do you not make mistakes, Jason? I asked you to be a grown-up for one day one single day.
I feel like such an idiot for thinking you could pull that off.
Wow, that's You know what? You shouldn't say things like that to me.
I'm gonna I'm gonna get my things.
And, um I'm gonna go.
And, um I'm, um I'm not gonna come back.
You know what? I hope that's the first plan you ever stick to.
Sorry, man.
[Door slams.]
Martin: I think so often, I forget the really, really obvious things in life.
Because I don't think it's all that hard to be happy.
I I think you just have to be grateful.
Like, you have to remember to be grateful for what's right in front of you.
Because me and Nan are really, really different.
Like Like, we're like 60% compatible at best.
And, like, we have these huge issues we have to work out.
But, like, when you're always running around looking for what's wrong with everything, you just you just end up miserable.
Yeah, like, I'm a trash dog, and she's, like, a fancy lady, but we have each other, and that's what's important.
We're not alone.
And for that for that, I'm honestly really, truly grateful.
Sometimes, I feel like maybe the reason we don't have the right answers is because we haven't really been asking the right questions.
One thing I've always wanted to ask is just, like, "What if we never got out of bed?" Like, ever? Why are we so convinced it would be bad? [Ringtone plays.]
Like, that might that might solve everything.
Or we could not try my suggestion and we could just, like, keep getting out of bed every day expecting somehow to achieve a different result even though that's the actual dictionary definition of "insanity.
" I mean, I don't know.
Maybe it's worth a try.
And in some ways, that's great.
If I was with someone just like me, it would be this constant, like, "Oh, who's handsomer? Who's smarter? Like, who tells the best jokes?" Aah! Whoo! And with Nan, there's not any of that competition.
Hey, I almost died alone again.
You wouldn't eat me if I died in the house, would you? Would you? But part of being different means that there are aspects of each other that, like, we'll never understand.
Like, Nan exists in this very naive, idealistic kind of neverland.
She's so innocent.
"Can you tell me where to catch the 2 train to Brooklyn?" That's not "Is this the 2 train to Brooklyn?" That's That's the one.
But me, I'm just edgier and less ruled by societal norms.
For instance, part of me has always just really, really liked trash.
Just, like, getting into it.
And I actually like that about myself.
Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh! No! But Nan is so uptight and pious that she feels the need to act like it's disgusting or something.
And that makes me worry about our base compatibility, you know? Oh, buddy.
Oh, I know.
You can't come to New York, though, okay? I wish you could, but you can't.
You can't come.
Come on out.
Come on, buddy.
And, of course, when Nan starts packing up to leave, I have to put on this whole show of being like, "Oh, my God! Don't leave! It's gonna crush me!" But in reality, I get kind of excited because I know I'll get to explore some things and, like, have a little fun for once.
Hello? Hey.
Oh, great.
Hi.
You're here.
Listen, Jason, how do I look? Like, do I do I look like New Yorky? Like Uh, well, saying "New Yorky" isn't helping your cause.
Okay, Jason, um, I have, like, the biggest presentation of my life in six hours.
So maybe you could just like I just want, like, pure support.
That's all I want.
You look very New Yorky.
And they're gonna love you.
And then, you're gonna abandon all us lowly Pittsburghers.
- Okay.
- And take Martin from me.
All right, you're being, like, super-dramatic right now.
But also, super-sweet.
So thank you.
Okay.
[Sighs.]
Mommy's gotta go! She's gotta go! Ooh, I love you, and I miss you.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah! - Ooh, you're gonna like this.
- Hmm? I'm gonna be going on an adventure of my own while you're gone in virtual reality! Oh, gross.
Can you just Will you clean up? They're not just for porn anymore.
It's called "Moons of Deimos.
" It's sick, it's interactive, it's multiplayer.
- And I'm gonna play with all my buds - Wow, okay.
You make it really easy to be just friends sometimes.
- [Laughs.]
- All right, I am gonna go.
Oh, listen, um, I forgot to take the trash out.
So can you take it out? 'Cause the truck comes today, and if it stays there all week, it's just gonna reek.
And, oh, the latch outside, remember, the latch is kinda It catches a little bit, so be careful with it.
Okay.
Go! - I'm going! - We'll be fine! Bye-bye! I love you! Dog I love the dog! Bye! Okay, thank you! - Hey.
- Hey.
You're gonna do great.
Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
Okay.
[Cellphone chimes.]
Uh-oh.
Are you getting selfies from your ex? Wait.
Are things back on? No.
No.
I mean look around.
Like, can you imagine Jason here? He'd feel more comfortable in, like, a fictional moon.
Hey, guys.
Badges.
- Rigatoni Boy! - [Thump.]
[Groans.]
Here you go.
Oh.
Thank you.
What just happened? Oh, nothing.
It's just guy stuff.
You wouldn't understand, Nan.
[Chuckles.]
Kevin, that guy just assaulted you.
Okay, look.
I did a commercial when I was a kid where I got hit in the tats with a baseball and then I tried some of Mama Carnisi's delicious rigatoni, and it made it all better, okay? That's it.
I don't know why people find it so funny.
- Rigatoni Boy! - Hey, there he is.
Ha! You! [Both laugh.]
- This guy.
- Hi.
I'm Roberto.
- Nan: Hi.
- We're ready for you upstairs.
Okay.
Great.
- [Thump.]
- Oooooh! Time to enter a whole different reality, dude.
I mean, I've had garbage binges that were honestly, like, personally transformative sensory journeys.
Like, they changed me.
There's just the combination of, like, the sweet and the salty and the rot and the umami and, like, the dirt from the hallway just, like, dusting the pad Thai.
I mean, one time, like, one time, there was a diaper in there.
The food just tastes so alive like, sometimes, literally.
And Nan's always like, "Oh, my God.
It's so dangerous.
You'll get sick and die.
Blah, blah, blah.
" And I'm like, I do it because it's dangerous.
The danger makes me feel alive.
[Brakes squeal.]
Oh, crap! [Groans.]
[Whines.]
I mean, it's not like I have to get in the trash.
It's just, like, no one likes it when you're looking forward to something and somebody just comes and rips it away.
It's just rude.
- You ready, bro? - Oh, got ya, Drew.
- Call me Dorgon in here.
- Got ya, Dorgon.
Especially when I already have the taste in my mouth.
Because once I get a taste, I can't stop until until I've been satisfied.
[Indistinct conversations.]
[Conversations stop.]
The table is huge.
And you get to sit right up front.
Good to see you.
Um, I'm just I'm gonna I'm just I'm gonna use the restroom just for a minute.
I'll be right back.
Oh, my God.
This is so stupid.
[Sighs.]
Hey.
Are you all right? I don't think I can go back in there.
I mean, those those people are all, like, they're so perfect and and, like, clean, and I'm I was the weird little poor kid whose mom ran off with the dentist, you know? I don't even know what I was thinking.
Why did I think I could even Ow! Dude, ow! Look, you are brilliant.
And you're very smart, and you are extremely clean, okay? And it's because of all the stuff that you went through that you have anything interesting to say.
So just get it together, okay? And let's get back out there.
- Yes? - Yes.
Yes.
- Are you good? - I'm good, yes.
Okay.
Good.
Thank you for punching me in the boob.
Oh, my God.
So welcome.
Anytime.
I am very excited to be pitching you guys something that truly skates to where the puck is when it comes to minimal world-class product integration.
Not sure where my team is right now.
Whew! It's hot in here.
Is it not hot? I'm kinda hot.
Oh! Thank God! All right, I'm gonna give the floor over to to Nan.
Hi, everyone.
I apologize.
I was actually in the bathroom feeling insecure and undeserving, which, as it turns out, is how most of America feels.
But I think we can help that uh, even just a little bit.
Let's get started.
Uh, Jenn, Rigatoni Boy [Laughter.]
this is my dog, Martin.
And this is where our whole campaign started.
[Engine idling.]
Martin: I'm sure when Jason the traitor stole the garbage from me, he thought he would get, like, bedroom-giggles time with Nan.
But in reality, like, he opened a whole new world of trash to me.
It's just at some point, enough is enough.
Like, I'm tired of hiding who I am.
By living in the shadows, like, I've actually been buying into her Puritanical narrative that trash is bad and unhealthy and shameful.
I'm not hiding anymore.
Like, there's a big, beautiful, trashy world out here, and I'm gonna taste every fetid, moldy scrap of it.
- To Nan.
- To Nan! Yeah! Whoo! I don't want to speak too soon, but I feel like this is the direction we'll be going this fall.
Oh! You're almost like a young me.
But Tristen's never bought one of your ideas.
I hate you.
[Both laugh.]
To Nan! Come on! Every time I'm here, it blows my mind.
Just all these lives just stacked on top of each other, you know? Millions and millions of them.
I feel like your whole life has been building up to some kind of Woody Allen montage, that begins right now, on this rooftop.
[Laughs.]
I don't think we're allowed to reference Woody Allen anymore, actually.
Ohh, yeah.
I forgot that everyone was horrible for a moment.
[Cellphone chimes.]
Oh, no! Ugh! I have to have dinner with Dan's parents, - who just came in from the Hamptons.
- Mm.
Are you gonna be okay if I just abandon you? - Um - [Men chanting "Rigatoni Boy!".]
- You know what? I'll walk you out.
- Yep.
Okay.
I'd hate to spend the night with these douchebags when I could be out enjoying a crisp, New York fall day.
[Horns honk.]
["Rhapsody in Blue" plays.]
Martin: The thing is, like, trash makes me happy.
If something makes me happy, like, how can it be wrong? [French accent.]
Excuse me.
Is this the 2 train to Brooklyn? [Chuckling.]
Oh, my God! I have no idea, but I am so flattered that you asked me, so - Wow.
Thank you.
- Thanks.
Hey, good luck.
[Laughs.]
Wow.
[Music stops.]
Sometimes, I get confused.
Sometimes, I overanalyze and I take simple, simple problems and I turn them into these mazes of insecurity.
But sometimes, my purpose is clear.
[Music resumes.]
Like, it was all just teeth and hunger and the juice of old meat.
I was just fully me.
And the sad thing is, I'm sure if Nan saw me right now, she would start nagging about, like, how dirty and gross I am.
But, like, at this point, I don't even care what she thinks of me anymore.
Nan will never understand the wonder of trash.
And maybe she'll never understand me, but that's her loss.
Like, I know who I am.
I'm an animal.
I'm a filthy trash animal.
Watch me roar.
Hold on.
Time out for a sec, bro.
Martin, you good? - Drew: What were you saying, dude? - Oh, sorry, man.
- No, it's just that, like - Sometimes, I feel like we have this rare kind of connection, but at the same time, I just can't be something that I'm not.
And she doesn't want what I am.
I get it, dude, but you gotta be you.
I know.
But me is someone who wants her.
Look, I think you need to cut it off, even platonically.
Set yourself free.
Yeah, I think I need to stop devaluing myself.
Honestly, man, I feel like sometimes, she just doesn't respect me.
[Camera clicks.]
It was all kind of a blur.
But as I dug deeper and deeper into the garbage, it was, like, I just I just kept going.
It's like I wasn't even enjoying it anymore, but it was like this compulsion.
Like, I kept eating until I physically couldn't fit any more trash down my throat.
And the craziest thing is that, like, some part of me still thought the trash held the answers that maybe there was some different, like, more extreme form of trash that would make me feel okay about myself, even just for a few minutes.
But then, I guess I guess I passed out.
Because all these memories came flooding back to me [Puppies whining.]
things I had forgotten or repressed.
Like, my mom was there and my brothers and sisters.
And I remembered, "Right," like, "This is why I like trash so much.
Because I'm a trash dog from a line of trash dogs.
" And maybe all this time, Nan did know the real me.
Like, maybe that gate was left open for a reason.
Why would anyone want to be with a trash dog, like me? Good girl! [Indistinct conversation.]
[Laughter.]
[Gasps.]
Oh.
Hey.
Weren't you in the park? [Laughing.]
Yeah, I was.
It's bizarre.
What a small world.
- Hello.
- Hey.
Can we help you with something? This is the girl I was telling you about.
The one who was taking pictures of us? I'm not stalking you.
I-I saw you guys, and I followed you to your house.
Which, saying out loud, I realize now that's definitely what stalking is, so I was stalking you.
[Laughs nervously.]
I mean, you two remind me of me and my ex, and I just I-I really I wanted to see what kind of house you lived in.
I am so sorry.
I'm just gonna leave you to it.
I'm sor Are you Are you guys happy? Uh, what? I know that's really weird, and I'm not trying to be creepy.
I just I just really want to know if this could work for us.
Me and this guy.
Not like us like us, the three of us.
You seem very nice, and I hope everything works out for you, but we're gonna go inside right now.
That's absolutely understandable.
Thank you.
Sorry about that.
Did either one of you have to make any compromises, though, to make it to make it work? [Sighing.]
All right.
Pshew.
Martin: I know I say this all the time, but today was the worst day of my life.
[Raccoon chitters.]
But when I woke up, I just knew.
I knew I had to get back to Nan.
It's so real! Oh, Martin.
You'd love it here.
There's so many birds! [Gearshift clicks.]
[Car door closes.]
Martin: I realize that some people might say, like, Nan's this amazing, talented, beautiful, smart person whose hair smells like flowers all the time.
Like, why would she ever want to be with me? [Footsteps approach.]
And I don't know how to answer that question, but the beautiful thing is, as soon as I saw her, I remembered, "Oh, yeah.
Of course.
Nan is crazy about me.
" Like, no matter what mistakes I make, it's almost like I can never do anything to lose her love.
Martin? - Hey! - Huh? Martin was outside! - What? - Look at him! He's filthy! Oh, my God.
I-I When I had the goggles on, I thought that he was on the sofa.
I'm I'm I'm so sorry.
I cannot believe I was about to walk in here and ask you to - Ask me what? - Nothing.
Never mind.
It doesn't matter.
Look, hey, hey, I messed up.
I'm sorry.
Jason, Martin could've died! You are such a child sometimes.
It's unreal.
I-I said I'm sorry! I-I don't know what else to say! You know, people make mistakes.
When do you not make mistakes, Jason? I asked you to be a grown-up for one day one single day.
I feel like such an idiot for thinking you could pull that off.
Wow, that's You know what? You shouldn't say things like that to me.
I'm gonna I'm gonna get my things.
And, um I'm gonna go.
And, um I'm, um I'm not gonna come back.
You know what? I hope that's the first plan you ever stick to.
Sorry, man.
[Door slams.]
Martin: I think so often, I forget the really, really obvious things in life.
Because I don't think it's all that hard to be happy.
I I think you just have to be grateful.
Like, you have to remember to be grateful for what's right in front of you.
Because me and Nan are really, really different.
Like Like, we're like 60% compatible at best.
And, like, we have these huge issues we have to work out.
But, like, when you're always running around looking for what's wrong with everything, you just you just end up miserable.
Yeah, like, I'm a trash dog, and she's, like, a fancy lady, but we have each other, and that's what's important.
We're not alone.
And for that for that, I'm honestly really, truly grateful.
Sometimes, I feel like maybe the reason we don't have the right answers is because we haven't really been asking the right questions.
One thing I've always wanted to ask is just, like, "What if we never got out of bed?" Like, ever? Why are we so convinced it would be bad? [Ringtone plays.]
Like, that might that might solve everything.
Or we could not try my suggestion and we could just, like, keep getting out of bed every day expecting somehow to achieve a different result even though that's the actual dictionary definition of "insanity.
" I mean, I don't know.
Maybe it's worth a try.