Dr Horribles Sing Along Blog (2008) s01e01 Episode Script

Act I

So that's, you know, coming along.
I'm working with a vocal coach.
Strengthening the ah.
Lot of guys ignore the laugh and that's about standards.
If you want to get into the Evil League of Evil, you have to have a memorable laugh.
What? Did you think Bad Horse didn't work on his whinny? His terrible death whinny.
No response BTW from the League yet.
But my application is strong this year.
A letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor.
That's gotta have some weight so Fingers crossed! E-mails! 2sly4U writes "hey, genius!" Wow! Sarcasm, that's original! "Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your transmatter ray?" "Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers.
" Well, no, they're not gonna say anything in the press but Behold! Transported from there to here! The molecules tend to shift during the transmatter uh event.
But they were transported in bar form.
And they clearly were And by the way it's not about making money, it's about taking money.
Destroying the status quo because the status is not quo.
The world is a mess and I just need to rule it.
I'm gonna Smells like cumin.
So transmatter is 75%.
And more importantly the freeze ray is almost up.
This is the one.
Stops time.
Freeze ray.
Tell your friends.
We have Oh, here's one from our good friend Johnny Snow.
Horrible, I see you are once again afraid to do battle with your nemesis.
I waited at Duly Park for 45 minutes.
" Okay, dude.
You're not my nemesis.
My nemesis is Captain Hammer.
Captain Hammer corporate tool.
He dislocated my shoulder.
Last week.
Look, I'm just trying to change the world, okay? I don't have time for a grudge match with every poser in a parka.
Besides, there's kids in that park so Here's one from dead-not-sleeping.
Long time watcher, first time writing.
Blah blah blah blah.
"You always say in your blog that you will show her the way, show her you're a true villain.
Who is her? And does she even know that you're Laundry day See you there.
Underthings tumbling.
Wanna say "Love your hair" Here I go mumbling.
With my freeze ray I will stop the world.
With my freeze ray I will find the time to find the words to tell you how how you make make me feel what's the phrase? Like a fool.
Kinda sick.
Special needs.
Anyways with my freeze ray I will stop the pain.
It's not a death ray or an ice beam that's all Johnny Snow.
I just think you need time to know that I'm the guy to make it real.
The feelings you don't dare to feel.
I'll bend the world to our will.
And we'll make time stand still.
That's the plan.
Rule the world.
You and me.
Any day.
- Love your hair.
- What? No I, I, I love the air.
Anyway, with my freeze ray I will stop - Hey, doc.
- Moist, my evil moisture buddy.
What's going on? Life of crime.
Got your mail.
Hey, didn't you go on a date last night? Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling with Bait And Switch.
Yeah? It was alright.
I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait but I hear you.
I saw Penny today.
You talked to her? So close.
Just a few weeks away from a real audible connection.
I'm gonna ask Oh my God! Is that from the League? It's from him, that's his seal, isn't it? The leader? Oh my God! I got a letter from Bad Horse! That's so hardcore.
Bad Horse is legend, he rules the League with an iron hoof.
Are you sure you want Bad Horse! Bad Horse! Bad Horse! Bad Horse! He rides across the nation the thoroughbred of sin.
He got the application that you just sent in.
It needs evaluation so let the games begin.
A heinous crime, a show of force, a murder would be nice of course.
Bad Horse! Bad Horse! Bad Horse! He's bad! The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware! The grade that you receive will be your last we swear.
So make the Bad Horse gleeful or he'll make you his mare.
You're saddled up, there's no recourse.
It's hi-ho silver, signed: Bad Horse.
- I don't know.
- Are you kidding? This is great! I'm about to pull a major heist! You know, the Wonderflonium that l need for the freeze ray? It's being transported tomorrow! Armored car? Courier van.
Candy from a baby.
Do you need anything dampened or made soggy? Thanks but the League is watching.
I gotta do this alone.
Will you lend a caring hand to shelter those who need it? You only have to sign your name.
Don't even have to read it.
Would you help No? How about you? - Will you lend a caring hand - Ah! What? I was wondering if l could just Hey! I know you.
You know me.
Cool! I mean yeah, you do.
Do you? From the laundromat.
Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month you skipped a weekend.
Or if that was you.
Could have been someone else.
I mean, I've seen you.
Billy is my name.
I'm Penny.
What are you doing? Umm texting.
It's very important or I would stop.
What are you doing? Actually, I'm out here volunteering for the Caring Hands homeless shelter.
Can you spare a minute? Umm Okay, go.
We're hoping to open a new location soon.
Expand our efforts.
There's this great building nearby that the city is just gonna demolish and turn into a parking lot.
- But if we get enough signatures - Signatures? Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Go on.
I was saying Maybe we could get the city to donate the building to our cause.
We would be able to pry 250 new beds, get people off the streets and into job training so they could buy rocket packs and go to the moon and become florists.
You're not really interested in the homeless, are you? No, I am.
But they're a symptom.
You're treating a symptom and the disease rages on, consumes the human race.
The fish rots from the head as they say.
So my thinking is why not cut off the head.
Of the human race? It's not a perfect metaphor but I'm talking about an overhaul of the system.
Putting the power in different hands.
I'm all for that! - This petition is about the building.
- I'd love to sign it.
Thank you! Sorry, I come on strong.
But you signed! I don't wanna turn my back on a fellow laundering person.
Well, if we can't stick together, l don't I'll probably see you there.
No, I will.
I'll She talked to me.
Why did she talk to me now? Maybe I should A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Don't plan the plan if you can't follow through.
All that matters is taking matters into your own hands.
Soon I'll control everything.
Hey! Hey! My wish is your command! Stand back everyone! Nothing here to see! Just imminent danger, in the middle of it - me! Yes, Captain Hammer's here! Hair blowing in the breeze! The day needs my saving expertise! A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Seems destiny ends with me saving you.
The only doom that's glooming is you loving me to death.
I'll give you a second to catch your breath.
You idiot! Dr.
Horrible, I should have known you were behind this! - You almost killed her! - I remember it differently.
If she It's curtains for you, Dr.
Lacey gently wafting curtains.
Thank you, Hammer man, l don't think I can explain how important it was that you stopped the van.
I would be splattered, I'd be crushed under debris.
Thank you, sir, for saving me! Don't worry about it! A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
- You came from above.
- Are you kidding? - Seems destiny - ends with me saving you - What heist were you watching? - I wonder what you're captain of.
- Stop looking at her like that.
- When you're the best - you can't rest, what's the use? - Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage? - My heart is beating - like a drum.
- There's ass needs kicking, some ticking - bomb to diffuse.
- I stopped the van! - The remote control was in my hand! - Must be in shock - The only doom - that's glooming is you - Assuming I'm not - loving me to death - loving you to death - Whatever! So please give me a second to catch my breath.