Drop Dead Diva s01e10 Episode Script

Make Me A Match

See that aspiring model there? That was me -- Deb -- until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up and I woke up in someone else's body.
So now I'm Jane a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Fred.
I used to think everything happened for a reason and, well, I sure hope I was right.
::: Timecodes - gius ::: You're the one for me Mmm.
That is a work of art.
- Just know it's not gonna go to waste.
- What? - Hey! - Hey, yourself.
Judge Summers' office called.
You are being summoned to her chambers.
She said you missed your last two meetings, so you better be prompt.
- What meetings? - No idea.
I didn't schedule them.
She sounded annoyed.
- Hmm.
I love mushrooms.
- When did she call? About 10 minutes ago.
Why didn't you tell me I was waiting for you to make me lunch.
Thank you.
I think I'm in trouble.
Teri said she sounded annoyed.
Oh, come on.
She's just a judge.
- What can she do to you? - She puts people in jail, Stacy.
Then why do you keep blowing her off? I didn't know I was.
If I go to jail, promise you'll bail me out.
Okay, but not till tomorrow.
The shoot is going all night.
The yo-ho-hos are kind of perfectionists.
Sweetie, I got to go, but drive carefully.
It just got real foggy.
Knock, knock.
Am I late? I'm late.
- Am in trouble? - Big trouble.
I've been reading up on my Funk & Wagnalls and I'm definitely gonna kick your butt.
- At scrabble? - No, karate.
Of course scrabble.
Running tally -- you, 7,642 me, 7,512.
I never should have challenged you on quetzal.
It's a South American parrot -- oh! Go ahead.
Rub it in.
It'll only make my victory that much sweeter.
We got to hurry up.
I only got 45 minutes before the parade of human misery begins again.
We need him.
Hey, do you have a minute? I have a client in my office.
The one who was pointing at me? Her name is Lily, and she's actually more than a client.
She's an, uh, acquaintance.
- An acquaintance? - An adviser.
- Financial? - A psychic.
No jokes, no snide remarks.
Do not roll your eyeballs.
How about a smirk? When you walked by just now, she said that she got a hit off of you.
Really? You're the last person I thought would fall for that stuff.
Grayson, she said you're gonna win her case.
Will you help? Who could say no to that? "Schmoopy"? Triple-word score and a bingo -- write it down.
I already gave you manipedi.
I'm not giving you that.
- It's a word.
- Enlighten me.
"Schmoopy" is what my boyfriend used to call me.
What boyfriend? - Um - Yeah, that's what I thought -- made-up word, made-up boyfriend.
Hey, that was really mean.
Oh, no, I'm not judging.
I mean, look at me.
I'm the one who just dropped And what do I have to show for it? Bubkes.
$25,000? You're the one who found it for me -- not that I'm blaming you but, you know, for that much money, I figured they'd find me a prince or at least a Baldwin.
- Ooh, yeah, but not the younger one.
- No.
Well, I hope you got your money back.
I called.
They said they fulfilled their end of the bargain.
Well, that's unacceptable.
Yeah, well, I didn't want to cause a stink.
You know, I have enough conflict in my day job.
- Do you know what you need? - Mm-hmm -- two W's and a "Q".
A good lawyer.
First thing tomorrow, you're coming to my office, and we're getting your money back.
All right, fine, but I'm still challenging you on "schmoopy".
- Why is she staring at me? - People will tell you the eyes are the window to the soul.
Don't buy it.
- No? - It's the eyebrows.
Eyebrows draw attention to the eyes playing a key role in the sexual dance between love and lust.
- Lily, why don't you catch us up? - I should have seen this coming.
The day after father died, mercury transited into sagittarius and that wreaks havoc on familial partnerships.
Yeah, well, we all missed that one.
Mm, sarcasm -- The last refuge of modest people when their soul is invaded.
So, you and your sister, Tessa, inherited your father's shop.
Yeah, the Third Eye Psychic Shop in Santa Monica.
It's been there for 60 years.
Father was an immense talent.
He told elvis to enlist, Angelina to adopt.
After he passed, we were supposed to run the shop together.
But that didn't work out? You ever try putting a pair of hamsters in a duffel bag? Like that -- and then three months ago, she up and left.
To open a competing store across the street.
And she calls it The Third I -- "I", as opposed to "eye".
Did your father leave a will? Father? No.
Thought he'd live forever.
For all of his gifts, he didn't see the big picture.
Thin eyebrows unlike you.
Which means his estate will pass on to both of you in equal shares.
She refuses to work with me.
Tessa's sent out flyers using father's name to everyone on our mailing list as if she were the true legacy.
Are you saying your sister didn't share your powers? They're referred to as gifts.
Gifts, powers, who gives a rat's ass? We both got them up the hoo-ha.
That's what makes it so sad.
I mean, if we were a couple of hacks, I'd turn the shop into a falafel stand and call it a day.
She is confusing the marketplace.
- It's a long shot.
- But you can win it.
- Oh, I didn't say that.
- You don't have to.
Scrabble? Oh, you pick seven tiles with different letters.
Yeah, I know the game.
But why isn't it on your calendar? Is it some kind of dirty scrabble like strip poker or naked twister? Who plays that, Teri? No, my clothes stayed on.
Um, put it on my calendar for the third Tuesday of every month, okay? - Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't even -- - Jane, right? - Yes.
How did you know? - Don't worry, Jane.
You won't be alone for long.
And stay away from chili.
It's murder on the pancreas.
- Who was that? - Kim's client, a psychic -- one rung below mimes and balloon artists.
Well, she knew my name, so she must be good.
Yeah, she either read your soul, or she read your in-box.
And the psychic had this look like she could totally see through me.
Were you wearing your blue-silk top 'cause in the right light, you can totally see your That's not you at the door, is it? No.
But if you're scared, there's a croquet mallet under my bed.
Hello? Jane.
How about letting me in? Oh, my God.
Jane? If you want to call God, I Miss deli food.
Even gherkins.
Can we go back to the part about you being here for good? Oh, I couldn't concentrate up there.
I was sending bad people to heaven and vice versa.
- Because of Stacy? - She's all I could think about.
There's a loophole in my contract, and I gave up my guardian-angel status to return to earth as one of you.
Wait a minute.
You traded heaven - for Stacy? - I didn't have a choice.
- After that kiss -- - No, no, no.
Her memory's been erased.
She doesn't know who you are.
She fell for me once, so I know that it can happen.
Listen, it was a long trip, so I should probably get back to your condo.
After you left, I rented it out.
Just a little bump in the road.
What about my job? The firm replaced you.
They hired someone else.
Of course they did.
You can crash on the sofa.
But try and be out of here before Stacy gets here in the morning.
No one is more frustrated than I when a client struggles to find a match.
Yeah, I'm sure you feel awful.
We would like a full refund.
All due respect, my client fulfilled their end of the contract.
Oh, really, because my client is still single? The service provided her with 28 prospective matches.
- Frogs.
- Excuse me? Miss Hall provided Judge Summers with 28 individual dates.
Not one led to a second date.
Do you know what we call guys like that? - Frogs? - Frogs.
As in you got to kiss a lot of.
- Oh, you find that funny? - No.
A little.
Um, your contract guarantees an acceptable match with whom a member completes multiple dates within a three-month period.
There were no multiple dates.
In fact, some of the guys didn't make it till the entrée.
- Whose fault is that? - Excuse me? I'm just saying the client is very picky.
She is a highly intelligent woman whose standards are of a certain caliber which is precisely why she came to you.
- Madeline, I understand you're frustrated.
- Really? What gave it away? Look, my husband passed away four years ago.
I'm not looking for a fairy tale.
I just want someone who doesn't get on my nerves.
I have an idea.
If you're open to it every month, we host a mixer, invite all the clients.
And I don't believe you've been to any of them.
We're having one tonight at Bar Boca.
Ooh, I love their Appletinis.
They're good.
I have a very good feeling about tonight's group.
Well, I'm not really much into mixers.
If you will excuse me.
Miss Hall, do you really think there will be an appropriate match at this event? I already have someone in mind.
So, what did they give you, cash or check? - I think you should go tonight.
- I knew you were gonna say that.
What if tonight's the night you meet the one? What if tonight's the night an asteroid lands on Bar Boca? Well, then, I'll sue for wrongful death.
Except you'll be dead, too, because you're coming with me.
Jane, you're home early.
- Aah! - Aah! Hi.
Uh, I didn't know you'd be home yet.
Oh, my God.
You're robbing us and baking? Listen, I know you don't remember me, but, um -- - Drop your weapon! - It's not a weapon.
It's a whisk.
- Drop it! - Stacy, it's me, Fred.
We kissed.
- Kiss this, buddy.
- No, no, no! Aah! God! Geez! Ha.
Call Jane.
You know I loathe sweet grass.
Aw, but it is so cleansing.
Sage is cleansing.
Sweet grass is a Rastafarian street vendor.
Maybe we should get this moving before the fire marshal shows up.
We appreciate you both coming in.
We're only here as a courtesy.
My client's done nothing wrong.
She's killing the business! I mean, she might as well take a can of gas and torch the joint.
Don't be so dramatic.
You're the one doing that thing with your voice.
This is how I talk.
- Ow! What the hell?! - That's how you talk! And dressing like Anne Boleyn? Give me a break.
And what's with those scarves, sis? You trying to hide an extra chin? You want to borrow one? We can play Isadora Duncan.
Ladies, let's focus, please.
We're prepared to file an injunction to close you down unless you change the name of your store and relocate to no closer than five miles away.
Not a chance.
You know, just because you're the oldest and think you're entitled but I'm the one who studied with Madame Weitzman in Prague.
She was a drunk who ran a youth hostel.
I think we all need a cooling-off period.
How about we take a break and reconvene later? Reconvene? What happened to jumping in and saving the day? I guess the universe hasn't told me what to say yet.
You are killing the business! Your heart chakra needs a triple bypass.
You have such anger.
No wonder you've been married six times.
Ooh, said the single woman with eight cats.
What? Schmoopy is still close.
- Did you say -- - You heard me.
- Better? - She pepper-sprayed me.
- I warned you.
- I know, but I thought that -- What, that she would see a complete stranger in her house and think, "That's the kind of guy I should be dating"? But I am that guy.
She just doesn't remember.
Fred, she thinks of you as the crazy, soufflé- cooking, home-invader guy.
- You have to help me change that.
- I have done everything I can do.
I told her you were an old friend who's down on his luck and that you're sleeping on the couch for a while.
- How does that help? - What do you want me to do? - Help her see that I could be her type.
- But you're not! You rest.
Stacy and I are gonna be out late.
We have to go meet Judge Summers.
- Is this okay for the mixer? - Oh, my God.
Are you sure the judge is going to want me there? You could stay here and take care of me.
- I refilled my pepper spray.
- Understood.
Well I didn't expect to see you so soon.
- But you knew I was coming? - Of course.
- $50 for contact? - With the deceased -- loved ones, parents, girlfriends.
It's my specialty.
You know what? This was a mistake.
I- I really shouldn't be speaking with you at all.
I don't believe in mistakes.
And we're not really going to be talking about the case, are we? Just tuck it behind your ear.
- Would you tell her to stop it? - All right, Stacy.
I'm just trying to get her hair a little more fun.
Yeah, well, my hair doesn't like fun.
My hair likes a good book, a glass of Chablis, and bed before "Nightline".
I think what Stacy's trying to say is that it's all about first impressions - at an event like this.
- So true.
Well, first impressions are a lie, okay? That's why I don't believe in blush or teeth whitening or hair dye.
Sooner or later, they're gonna get to know who you really are.
And I say life is short.
Why not make it sooner? Madeline, I know that a function like this can seem overwhelming.
- Yes.
I'd rather have a root canal.
- Aha, then you are in luck.
The guy in the blue blazer, I saw him sign in -- oral surgeon.
He had crooked teeth.
Go figure.
Moving on, let's review small talk.
So, when a guy looks at you from across the room and he gives you the puffy chest and the perky eyebrow and the curled-lip thing, you go up to him and say -- "Excuse me, are you having a stroke?" - All right.
Clearly, this was a bad idea.
- I'm kidding.
I'm going in.
Look at the variety of men here.
Maybe I should try a dating service.
Right, 'cause you have so much trouble finding men.
Sometimes, I feel like I just keep meeting the same guy over and over.
Well, maybe you should broaden your search.
- What do you mean? - Like, instead of jocks you try another type like a cute but somewhat awkward shorter guy with small biceps -- someone who doesn't take you for granted and who would give up everything just to be with you.
You are so wacky when you drink.
I'm gonna go look around.
Her death was very sudden.
It was.
There's also an obituary that says so.
I don't read the papers.
- Her name was -- - Oh.
- I'm getting a "D".
- Deb.
She's a strong presence.
- She was.
- Not was, is.
She's still a part of your life.
You feel that, don't you? I don't know.
- I don't really buy into any of this.
- Then why are you here? 'Cause if there's even a chance that you can I want to know for the first time since Deb You find yourself thinking of someone else.
It's okay.
She wants you to be happy.
What if you're just telling me what I want to hear? That's what I'm getting from Deb, but it's for you to decide.
- Is this you and Lily? - Yeah.
You were close, weren't you? Now you're being quiet.
You know it's odd to keep a photo of someone you can't even talk to.
It's late.
And if we're done here, I'm closing up.
The crazy thing is my parents wanted me to go into the arts.
And I said, "Ma I want to be a doctor.
" You're boring yourself there, uh Mark? Uh, sorry.
It was a long day.
Up past your bedtime? Why don't you go get some rest? - Madeline? - Yeah.
I'd like to introduce you to Martin Donnelly.
Diana speaks very highly of you.
Well, hello, Martin.
At least he's the right age range.
Why don't you sit down? Maybe we'll reminisce about the Nixon administration.
I'll leave you to it.
- Getting hazard pay for this one? - Am I gonna need it, Tony? Just trying to break the ice, Jane.
Why? Seems like the thing to do.
We're both in the same field.
We are allowed to have a conversation that's not adversarial, I think.
Well, between you and me wouldn't it be easier if your client just paid my client the refund? Maybe, but that would be like a, uh, failure to Diana.
- And she doesn't like failure.
- Aw, shoot.
What is this? Um, that's a business card.
You know, in some cultures, they actually exchange them.
You know, in case you ever want to go to dinner, you know, talk about the case or not talk about the case.
I'm sorry.
Did you just ask me out? - That would be inappropriate, right.
- Yeah.
- At least at this moment? - Yeah.
The thing is, uh, I think your complaint against Diana is about to go away.
- She looks happy.
- Mm-hmm.
Excuse us.
Code red.
The guy with the judge -- I know him.
He sold me a car.
Salesmen are nice and stable.
In that deodorant commercial I did last year he played a salesman with B.
He's an actor, unemployed.
There is no way he can afford a dating service like this.
Oh, my God.
You shouldn't have to pay $25,000 to meet unemployed actors.
You can meet them for free at Jerry's Deli.
Diana hired him to charm Judge Summers.
You are actually quite charming.
- We have to go.
- Jane, this is Martin.
Hi, Martin.
Nice to meet you.
Good luck with your auditions.
- Ready? Let's go.
- Hmm? Excuse me.
I'll be right back.
I cannot believe I fell for it.
Don't blame yourself.
I've seen his work.
He's good.
"We'll go to the mixer.
You'll meet the man of your dreams.
" - I was wrong.
- Right.
But now I'm gonna make that woman pay.
We'll file for fraud, intent to deceive, false advertising.
- Are you emotionally distressed? - Look at this face! Punitive damages.
- What? - "Punitive" -- it's a funny word.
- But this is very serious.
- You're damn right it is.
And tomorrow, Diana Hall will regret this.
You have to remember to ask her why she picked Martin for me.
For the last time, I am not going to ask that.
- Jane -- - Just let me do my job.
- Is there a problem, Miss Bingum? - No, your honor.
Miss Hall, how much did you charge my client for your dating service? $25,000.
You set up my client with a man named Martin Donnelly.
How much did he pay for your dating service? Nothing.
Miss Hall, I have your service contract here.
Will you just point to the place where it says that for their $25,000 you will be introducing your clients to unemployed actors who have paid nothing to attend your mixers? It doesn't.
Nothing further.
Why didn't you ask her why she chose Martin for me? Because it is not relevant.
Miss Hall, why was Mr.
Donnelly given a free membership? A person is more than the size of their wallet.
If I think that a candidate is special and he or she passes our extensive background and vetting process then I will sometimes offer a free membership.
So Mr.
Donnelly isn't the only one? I have given free memberships to a firefighter, a professor a cop, even a law student.
I think these scholarships help to round out the pool for potential matches.
Nothing further.
The witness may step down.
- Redirect, your honor.
- What are you doing? - Excuse me? - Madeline.
I believe I have the right.
I will keep it short.
- Proceed.
- Thank you.
Miss Hall, at your mixer you chose one particular guy for me -- an out-of-work actor.
Why him? Mr.
Donnelly has a warm energy, a kind heart and he's an avid reader -- three different book clubs.
And as far as I could tell, the two of you were getting along.
Was I wrong? Nothing further.
Very well.
We'll recess for lunch.
You shouldn't have done that.
- What did you just say to me? - I didn't want the jury to hear that.
Jane, did you just say "I told you so" to me? No, but I will now.
I told you so, I told you so, I told you so.
Well, I have never.
I am absolutely appalled, Jane Bingum well, I'm appalled.
I appreciate all of you showing up on short notice.
This is a waste of time.
Do you have any idea how many sessions I'm missing? Sessions with my clients.
Look, nobody's forcing them to walk across the street.
And bite me.
Ladies, don't take this the wrong way, but we've heard enough from both of you.
Then what are we doing here? I want to speak with the one person we've yet to hear from -- your father.
Are you kidding me? You can't talk to the dead! Excuse me? Well, I'm not saying it's impossible.
Good, because we're requesting the deposition of Leon Lancaster.
Do you know what you're doing? Lily, for all your issues with your sister I haven't once heard you doubt her abilities.
She's a phenomenal psychic, just a lousy sister.
Tessa, do you believe you can contact your father right here? I can try.
Good morning, M-- good morning, Mr.
I hope I'm -- I'm not -- You're the kid who's been waiting to see me all morning.
You've got 30 seconds to tell me what the hell you're doing in my office.
Uh, my name is Fred, and I'm here to get my job back.
What job? You never worked here.
True -- uh, w- what I meant to say is even though I've never worked here before I- I feel like I have.
Um, I- I'm friends with Jane Bingum, and I know your, uh, firm inside and out.
I think that -- no, I know that I could be a kick-ass mail-room guy.
You do realize that position's already been filled? Yeah, but has it really? I mean, the guy you got in there right now -- he's fine.
But does he know to maximize a toner cartridge by shaking it side to side? Does he know that when you have a depo before noon, you arrive early and you like the coffee machine prepped the night before? Does he know that "Golf Digest" arrives on Tuesday and you like to read it over lunch but with a breakfast pastry, so he should set one aside for you? - I do like that.
- I know, sir.
Cherry cheese are your favorite.
Jennifer, call down to the mail room.
Tell them the new guy's being replaced.
Sorry, kid.
Uh, Whiting & Lippman are looking.
I'll put in a good word.
He's near.
I can feel his presence.
Let him know you're honoring his memory by serving smoothies in your new shop with the curlicue straws.
She takes coupons.
No negatives.
Got him.
Hi, dad.
Lily and I are both here.
Okay, Tessa, now that you've established contact ask your father how he wants the business run in his absence.
Dad said he left his life's work to both of us, 50/50 with neither of us having more say than the other.
So it was his intent for you to work together, as equal partners? - Dad says yes.
- What did I say? But he knew with our personalities, that would be challenging and so he assumed he would be getting this call.
Ask him about your shop -- the new one.
- Is he okay with it? - Oh, come on.
Don't ask that.
- What do you think she's gonna say? - This is legitimate.
Your side stipulated -- Dad says he's not okay with my shop.
This would not hold up in court, you realize.
Dad says I'm in over my head.
He says my problem is I don't always listen and I should because Lily has good ideas.
His wish is for me to work with Lily.
Dad says I need Lily and Lily needs me.
I knew that.
It's okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's okay.
You went on 28 dates through Miss Hall's dating service.
Were any of these men viable matches? No.
But you were promised a match, right? It was a guarantee -- a money-back guarantee.
Your witness.
Judge Summers isn't it true that you rejected every match that Diana set up for you because of your impossibly high standards? Absolutely not.
I have response cards that you filled out after every one of your dates.
Do you remember why you didn't want to see Matt Stalls again? He wasn't very well-read.
Sean Carls? He had an annoying voice.
Michael Doody? - Couldn't get past the last name.
- Exactly.
Don Reynolds.
"Ears" -- that's all you wrote, just "ears".
Objection -- your honor, counsel is testifying badgering the witness, and, frankly, making me angry.
Judge Summers isn't it true you misrepresented yourself when you signed up for this service? Of course not.
Would you mind reading your own profile? "I am a fun-loving romantic "who enjoys quiet walks on the beach candlelit dinners, and Hugh Grant movies.
" Is that all true 'cause you don't really seem like the fun-loving, romantic type? - Your honor.
- That's the kind of man my husband was and that's the kind of man I'm looking for.
- What's the last Hugh Grant movie you saw? - You know, I really don't need this.
Can you even name a Hugh Grant movie? "Four weddings and your funeral" -- are you familiar with that one you smug, insolent piece of crap? - Madeline -- - I'm done.
- No, no, no, you can't leave.
- Your honor.
Madeline, you are not dismissed.
I will hold you in contempt.
Well, you can't, because I'm dropping the case.
No case, no contempt.
Uh, short recess, your honor.
What are you doing? You know you can't just walk out of a courtroom like that.
- Are you sure you want to be lecturing me? - All right, look, I understand you're upset.
I am not upset, I am pissed at that lawyer for humiliating me in open court and myself for letting him, but mostly I am pissed at you.
Me? What did I do? You pushed me into this, going to court.
You're the one who signed me up for that stupid service to begin with.
Well, I'm sure I didn't tell you to lie on your questionnaire.
You filled it out for me! What? Jane, I trusted you when you said that I should get out of the house.
I got out of the house.
Now look at this mess.
Judge Summers.
Madeline! Judge Summers.
Do I know you? I'm Jane Bingum's assistant -- no reason you should remember.
We've only been introduced Teri.
Not so good with faces -- attitude, however.
- I suppose she sent you here.
- You suppose wrong.
I came here because you are bumming her out.
I am bumming her out? Jane doesn't have a lot of friends, and -- and you are one of them.
And -- and she tried to help you, and you kicked her to the curb! She forced me into that courtroom, and I have never been so humiliated in my entire life.
Oh, please.
You know, you have a reputation for being a tough, no-nonsense force of nature who doesn't get pushed around.
Nobody forced you into that courtroom.
The case didn't go your way, and now you are looking for someone to blame.
If you were my assistant, I would fire you for insubordination.
If I was your assistant, you'd already be on the supreme court.
People say I'm a force of nature? Jane left you a bunch of messages.
You should call her back.
Summoning the dead dad -- that was genius.
- How did you know it would work? - I sensed it.
Came down to communication.
I need to make it possible for the sisters to talk without pride getting in the way.
So you didn't actually believe that they were contacting their father? It doesn't matter what I believe.
It worked.
Nice dodge.
All right.
You want to know what I believe? I believe sometimes people need a little nudge.
A nudge? Tessa wanted to apologize to her sister but need someone to show her how to do it.
Lily wanted her sister back but didn't want to be the one to say so.
And then there's us.
Us? You think all this has something to do with us? I know we agreed not to talk about the kiss.
That's right.
We're gonna pretend it never happened.
- Right.
- Right.
But the truth is I'm a little bit psychic.
Really? And I sense that if I asked you out to dinner on a date you'll say yes.
So, what do you say? You busy? Uh, discovery from the dating service.
I subpoenaed every file of every member in the state.
Guess I went a little overboard.
You really were trying to help me.
Jane, uh I want to apologize.
I- I overreacted.
I blamed you for things that weren't your fault.
But it was my fault.
Hugh Grant was my lame-o idea.
No, I distinctly remember that was mine.
Murray loved those movies.
God help me, I was just trying to find somebody like him.
I understand.
I hope you never know what it's like to lose the love of your life to have to go on without him.
I can't imagine.
Still, you know, it doesn't give somebody like Diana the right to take advantage.
I mean, she may not have broken that contract, but she definitely bent it.
Ron Haywood -- what is that file doing here? Is that from my office? No.
These are all from the dating service.
Ron Haywood is a client -- Diana's client? Yeah -- she tried to set you up with him, but I guess he declined the date.
His loss, by the way.
Did you file the papers to have my case dismissed yet? No, I was going to first thing in the morning.
I have a better idea.
Miss Hall, your contract states that every client has undergone an extensive background check, correct? That's right.
And you claim that your background checks are state-of-the-art.
True? Absolutely.
They must be if you're asking someone to pay $25,000.
So anything less than that would be breach of contract, am I right? I suppose so, yes.
Would the man in the back row please stand? - Do you recognize Ron Haywood? - Yes.
He's a client.
Is it true that you tried to set him up with Judge Summers two months ago? I tried.
He declined the date.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
Yes, it does.
Or maybe he just didn't want to date the woman who sentenced him to five to seven years in prison for wire fraud.
Were you aware, Miss Hall, that Mr.
Haywood is a convicted felon and that Judge Summers presided at his trial? No.
Last night, with the cooperation of the prison board I cross-referenced all of your clients with the California felony database and Mr.
Haywood and seven other men were on both lists.
So, Miss Hall you have introduced felons to wealthy women.
Gosh, imagine the liability.
Your honor, we'd like a short recess.
I imagine you would.
That should do it.
Your articles of incorporation -- everything your father wanted in black and white.
You will be co-owners of the original business -- a 50/50 split.
Kent, you came through for us, just like the universe told me you would.
You know, the universe told me the same thing.
Yeah, I'm sure the universe has nothing better to do than tell us the same thing.
- Sorry.
- It was no big thing.
Listen, we are gonna go out to dinner at Le Deux.
- Would you like to join us? - Actually, we would love to join you, but we already have dinner plans.
Don't order the halibut.
Just a feeling.
A full refund? Every penny, and they've agreed to disclose their business practices in all promotional literature.
And what about the ex-cons? Oh, they're shutting down for a month to implement a vetting process -- well, a real one this time -- under court supervision.
Well done, and thanks.
What is that? Oh, I was just packing up some case files and this caught my eye.
George Cotton -- do you rember him? Uh, yeah.
He was a chef.
Yeah, you went out with him once.
Take a look at the feedback card.
"Madeline has a sharp sense of humor and a distinct world view.
"I found her tough, but lovable -- a winning combination.
" He's kind of cute.
- His phone number's on the back.
- Really? Thank you.
Are you ready to go? What? I'm sorry.
I was talking to Let me just turn in my last time card, and we're out of here.
Dude! Are you going out with Stacy? I can't believe it, either.
This started off as the worst week ever -- fired for no reason at all.
I'm on the balcony, contemplating my sorry life when this goddess starts talking to me.
Uh, then she says something about trying on a new type and suggests we get drinks.
- You're killing me.
- I know, right? Hey, uh, you seem like the kind of guy who has no problem with the ladies.
Uh, any advice? Yeah.
Just, um treat her well.
She deserves the best.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for the ladies' room.
Oh, you're Kim's psychic.
Um, the other day, you told me that I wouldn't be alone for long.
Was I right? Can I ask you something? Well, normally, you'd have to make an appointment.
But oh, go ahead.
I'm in a good mood.
Um, I have this friend and she's lost the love of her life.
And she knows that she should move on, but she's kind of stuck.
What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.
- Wait.
What does that mean? - I have no idea.
You'd have to ask Dostoyevsky.
But I sense it applies to you.
Jane, the best way to get unstuck is to give yourself a kick in the ass.
You don't have to live in the past.
Hello? Hi.
Hi, it's Jane Bingum, Tony.
Calling to gloat? Uh you know, the other night, you said that we should have dinner.
Was that just a strategic move to throw me off my game? Well, if it was, it didn't really work.
Are you free next Tuesday? Yes.
Yes, I am.
You've been to Street on Highland? They have fantastic appetizers.
Oh, my God.
I love appetizers.
I'm looking forward to it.
You know what? So am I.
There's nothing that we can't do No
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