Drop Dead Diva s05e10 Episode Script
The Kiss
See that aspiring model there? That's me Deb until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body.
[ Screams .]
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul.
I used to think everything happened for a reason.
Whoo! [ Laughs .]
Now, I sure hope I was right.
Drop Dead Diva 5x10 - The Kiss Original air date October 13, 2013 Previously on Drop Dead Diva A toast to my boss, Jane Bingum, our newest partner.
Hear, hear! [ Cheering .]
My best friend is being inseminated by my ex-fiancé, who is also my boss.
And while I am totally supportive, I guess it does affect me in ways that I couldn't foresee.
Owen, I'm pregnant.
That's fantastic, Stacy.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Owen.
Stacy, hey.
[ Chuckles .]
What a nice surprise.
We need to talk.
Is everything okay? - Not here your office.
- Okay.
What happened last night can never happen again.
Agreed.
The Kings lost.
I hate that.
No! The kiss between you and me that can never happen again.
Why not? Because we feel shame and guilt, and that kiss was a total betrayal of my best friend and your ex-fiancée.
Yeah, I'm not sure I see it that way.
No, no.
We we were caught up in the excitement of the baby.
- We just weren't thinking.
- Maybe not.
But I haven't stopped thinking about it since.
Owen.
Stacy, look.
I don't want to hurt Jane.
Well, good.
We are on the same page.
She's the one who got me out of my head.
She's the one who taught me that that it's okay to just just feel sometimes.
And the way that I felt when we kissed Honestly, I thought you felt the same way.
Nope.
Not at all.
Really? Yes.
Wow.
Wow.
- I I must have misread that.
- Uh-huh.
I mean, if you feel nothing Okay.
Mm.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Hello.
You're late.
Yeah.
I stopped at the salon.
I thought, as a new partner, I deserved a morning blow-out.
Well, that's very irresponsible.
We have a lot of work to do.
What? Well, as a new partner, you get to pick out new fabric and new furniture for your office.
Shoot.
I have to prep for a new-client meeting.
Oh, my God.
This burnt sienna would look gorgeous on a new chaise lounge.
And it's eco-friendly.
It's composed of recycled doggie-poop bags.
Who recycles doggie-poop bags? Okay, five minutes of redecorating, and then I have to prep, for real.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Can I help you? Yeah, I'm looking for Owen French.
I'm Frank Neubauer, a new client.
Let me guess a constitutional matter? Corporate, actually.
Okay.
Follow me.
Stacy? Maybe.
Got to go.
Hi.
Frank, why are you dressed like Thomas Jefferson? I'm not.
I'm Alexander Hamilton.
[ Sighs .]
And my shareholders request the costume.
Shareholders? Grayson, meet Frank Incorporated.
I read about him in the "L.
A.
Times.
" And his shareholders vote on every aspect of his life, right? Wait.
You're literally your own company? When I was in business school, one of my buddies joked that corporations are just like people, and, bam, it hit me.
I filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, held an I.
P.
O.
50,000 shares of me at 10 bucks a pop.
You cleared half a million dollars by selling yourself? Paid off my student loans and bought a condo.
In exchange, my shareholders, by majority vote, are entitled to decide everything I do, from where I work to what I wear.
Hence the outfit.
Yeah, well, thankfully, this beat out Henry VIII.
I did not want to wear a codpiece again.
[ Chuckles .]
- They dictate everything you do? - Yeah.
Any shareholder can submit a request to the group, just nothing illegal or life-threatening, since that would hurt the value of the company.
- Which trades online now, right? - Yeah.
In fact, the share price has doubled since the I.
P.
O.
[ Cellphone beeps .]
Wait.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
[ Cellphone beeps .]
[ Camera shutter clicks .]
[ Chuckles .]
It's flu season.
My shareholders don't want me to get sick.
Frank, why do you need a lawyer? I'm in love.
Her name is Hanna Walton, and I want to propose, but my shareholders voted against it.
Maybe they think she's wrong for you.
No.
Hanna's successful, supportive, loving.
She's my soul mate.
Look, up till now, Frank inc.
has been terrific.
All right? The shareholders got me to lose 20 pounds, learn Spanish.
They even voted for me to write that op-ed piece that you read.
But for some reason, they won't approve Hanna.
Okay.
We need to call a shareholders' meeting.
We will try to amend the articles of incorporation to allow you to woo and wed as you see fit.
Well, that must have been quite a fall, Mrs.
Globerman.
My wife is in debilitating pain.
Bob, you know I can be a klutz.
A lawsuit is taking this too far.
Ohh.
That's good, Bev.
Express your feelings.
I'm sorry.
And you are Dr.
Reza.
- Our therapist.
- And you're here Well, I'm here to give context to Beverly's injury.
My wife sprained her neck at Rachel and Richard McMann's fancy-ass home in the Hills.
And you were there for Wife swap.
Excuse me? The clinical term is "couples displacement therapy.
" When a couple is in extreme distress, I find it helpful to place them in an alternative environment literal swapping of the spouses.
The new couples aren't sexually intimate.
But in every other way, they interact like a married couple.
And then, when the spouses are reunited, they are better able to communicate and, also, to compromise.
I see.
Okay.
Bev, why don't you tell me about your accident? Oh, I slipped in the McManns' shower.
No.
Scalding water from powerful jets knocked her off of balance.
My wife is in constant pain.
I'm getting better.
I really don't want to sue.
Well, you must have hit your head when you fell, sweetie, 'cause you're acting like an idiot.
Whoa.
Bob, that was demeaning.
Beverly, would you like to respond to Bob? Yes.
Bob, when you speak to me like that, I feel like you're belittling my intelligence.
That's because I am.
Do you see what I'm working with here? - I can't do it.
- You know what? Before I file a suit, why don't we meet with the McManns and see if we can reach a settlement? Bev, would that be okay? - Oh, yes.
Thank you.
- Okay.
Great.
I will see you guys at our next session.
And if you don't mind, I'm just gonna have a word with Ms.
Bingum alone, okay? [ Inhales deeply .]
My word, Jane, you are quite the professional.
Thank you.
I mean, you didn't let on for a minute that you used to be my patient.
What has it been about five years now? Um I like what you're doing with your hair and your makeup.
Oh, well, thank you.
It tells me you're no longer afraid to be noticed.
I think I can take a little credit for that.
[ Chuckles .]
- Okay.
- I remember our last session.
We were talking about how you were afraid to take risks in your personal life.
Oh, right.
Well, I have worked through that, and now risk is my middle name, so all better.
Oh, good.
Good to hear it.
- Good to hear it.
- Yeah.
So the big question, then, is, uh, how is your love life? My love life is fine.
It was so nice to meet you see you again.
Jane, you don't have to cover with me, okay? I know all about your five-year plan.
My five-year plan? Your five-year plan to get married in five years.
Oh, right.
Oh, that plan.
[ Laughing .]
I thought you were talking about a different plan.
No, no.
And I'm confused 'cause I don't see a ring on your finger.
Oh, yes, well, I, uh I've actually been, uh, very busy.
That sounds you're covering up your feelings again.
Don't do that.
That's denial.
Yeah.
It it's not that.
- So, thank you so much.
- Oh! - So you are married? - No.
- You're engaged? - No.
- Are you going on dates? - No.
No dates? No.
I see.
Well, I'm here if you want to talk.
Okay.
All right.
- Okay.
- Okay.
[ Sighs .]
Mr.
and Ms.
McMann, we've asked you here today in hopes of reaching a fair settlement.
Bev, I'm I'm so sorry you're in pain.
Thank you, Richard.
What my husband meant to say is we're not paying you one cent.
It's bad enough I had to live with Bob for two weeks, but we're not responsible for your injury.
Then we'll be going to court.
Great.
We'll be ready with a counterclaim.
Oh, whoa.
A counterclaim? When Bev fell, she cracked our custom-made glass shower door and the Italian jet-spray system.
[ Knock on door .]
Uh Okay.
Okay.
Uh, you know what? Let's just take a short break.
And we'll all come back to the table with an open mind.
Ms.
Bingum, we're not interested in a settlement.
Then I suggest you find counsel, and we will see you in court.
Will you excuse me just one moment? Hey.
What do you need? I'm working.
- I've got big news.
- Okay.
I met a man.
Really? Yeah, I can see that.
Oh.
For you.
Totally your type handsome, smart, and single.
Oh, my God.
Seriously? Did you just interrupt a settlement conference to try and what set me up? - Yes.
- Not interested.
Why not? Owen's not coming back, and Grayson's with someone else, and you're all alone.
- Oh, thank you, Paul.
- What I mean is, you're unattached and you should be dating.
- The answer is no.
- All right.
I get it afraid to take a risk.
What? Afraid to take a risk? Me? Oh, Paul.
Risk is my middle name.
Good.
Then you'll go out with Ken.
- It's just drinks.
- Fine.
- Awesome! - Let's be clear a Marc Jacobs sample sale is awesome.
Drinks with a stranger is fine, and barely that.
Yes! All right, we're live in 321.
Welcome to the Frank inc.
shareholders' meeting, live-streamed to our investors around the world.
We're here to amend the charter to allow Frank to woo and wed whomever he chooses.
In this case, he'd like to marry Hanna Walton.
The voting is now open.
You may text your comments directly to us.
- Frank? - My loyal shareholders, I want nothing more than to honor my corporate obligations.
But I believe I've earned the privilege to marry who I want.
And I want to marry Hanna.
Okay, our first comment is coming in, from belzy321.
"No one has more control over an individual than a wife.
" "Vote no.
" From bigbird29 "Hanna's hot.
I'd tap that.
" "Vote yes.
" Let's keep it clean.
From wehoguy "what about Hanna's first marriage?" "That went down in flames.
I say vote no.
" How does he know about my first marriage? Okay, guys, listen up.
This vote isn't about Hanna's past.
It's about my future.
Please vote yes.
From ivan32 "if Hanna left her first husband", "who's to say she won't leave Frank?" "We have to protect Frank.
I'm voting no.
" No, I'm committed to Frank, and that commitment is forever.
Voting ends in 321.
I'm sorry, Frank.
How could this happen? They hate me.
No, hey.
Listen, I love you.
That's all that matters.
What do we do now? If you defy the majority, you violate your fiduciary duty.
I don't care.
There is another option, but it's extreme.
Pursuant to the by-laws, you could dissolve the company.
No.
There's got to be another way.
Sweetheart, listen, if it's between you and Frank inc.
, I choose you.
I want to marry you.
Please, start the paperwork.
Okay.
The McManns have a deluxe thermostatic shower system.
I pushed a button, and hot water just came at me.
I lost my balance, and I fell against the glass door.
I reached out to grab a nozzle, but it bent, and I fell, and I twisted my neck.
Were there any safety precautions in the shower guard rails, non-slip mats, those little daisy decals from the '70s? No.
None of those things.
So the debilitating injuries that you suffered are entirely the result of the McManns' negligence? I guess.
Nothing further.
Your Honor, I have no questions for the witness, but I call my client, Rachel McMann, to the stand.
Mrs.
McMann, your bathroom shower was just remodeled last year? That's right.
Your Honor, I'd like to show you a photo of the shower before Mrs.
Globerman destroyed it.
Objecting to the word "destroyed.
" Let's just see the photo.
Can you describe what we're looking at? Sure imported tiles, Italian jet-spray system, custom-designed glass door.
Now I'd like to show you the shower door after the incident.
It's cracked.
It needs to be replaced.
What about the jet? The flange is bent.
To fix it, we need to get into the pipes, which means demolishing the tile.
My contractor estimates $20,000.
Wait.
Hold on.
There's a bottle of chocolate sauce on the shampoo shelf, right next to my conditioner.
You bastard! Uh, Your Honor, can we have a recess? What's going on, Mrs.
McMann? What's going on is that my husband has a fetish chocolate sauce and shower sex.
Bev wasn't knocked over by the water jets.
She was injured in our shower, having wild, crazy, chocolate sex with my husband! Your Honor, recess, please? Mr.
McMann, please respond to your wife's allegation.
[ Clears throat .]
We fell for each other.
We didn't mean for it to happen, but it's true.
- Ohh! - You self-important ass! - How dare you?! - But I love her.
- Ohh! - Aah! Oh, my God! Richard! Crazy freaking chocolate sex?! - Oh! - Order! Can I help you? It's me Bart The Bull.
[ Laughs .]
Apparently, it's the mascot for a local high school.
A bunch of alumni bought a chunk of stock.
Anyway, I got your message.
What's up? Yeah, uh If we dissolve the company, the shareholders are gonna sue.
I just received this complaint.
This is a shareholder derivative suit for misappropriation of corporate assets? They're accusing you of stealing corporate property.
They won't let you walk away.
So if we dissolve Frank inc.
and they sue and win, I'd lose everything I own? Anything you purchased with funds from the I.
P.
O.
, yes.
You'd even have to pay back the student loan.
I love Hanna.
I will not be held hostage by my own shareholders.
Okay.
Then, in the name of love, we fight, and we hope for the best.
Bev and Richard are here to see you.
Ohh.
You mean Bev and Bob.
No, Bev Globerman and Richard McMann.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Please.
How are you doing, Richard? Not so great.
I landed on my tailbone and slipped a disk.
Yeah, that was quite a punch.
I'm sure you're not surprised, but we're both being sued for divorce.
Well, you admitted infidelity in open court, so I it wasn't about sex.
Bev and I fell deeply for each other.
We were hoping you'd represent us.
You want me to represent both of you in each of your divorce cases? Is that possible? California is a community property state, and you don't have kids, so so, yeah, your divorce cases should be pretty routine.
There may be a small complication.
We both signed prenups that contain infidelity clauses.
So, in both of our cases, the party that cheats gets nothing.
Yeah, that's a pretty big complication.
We just thought that maybe there was something you could do.
[ Sighs .]
Bev and I never intended to break our vows.
In both our cases, we were the ones pushing for therapy.
Ms.
Bingum, during the swap, we realized what a healthy relationship could be, if you're with the right person.
Okay.
Okay.
I am not promising anything But I'll see what I can do.
Thank you so much.
[ Chuckles .]
Your Honor, we ask that the shareholder lawsuit be dismissed.
Frank Neubauer should be free to dissolve Frank inc.
The corporate by-law states that the shareholders are in complete control, not Frank.
What started as an amazing opportunity to guide a man's life has turned into mob rule.
The shareholders have pushed Frank to be his best self, maximizing his value and theirs.
If he walks away, he'll need to reimburse the shareholders for the current value of their shares.
I agree with Mr.
Beaty.
Frank has a duty to maximize shareholder value.
Motion to dismiss is denied.
We'll proceed to trial.
[ Gavel bangs .]
- I'm screwed! - Agreed.
With this judge, we don't stand a chance.
Frank, I need you to think like a corporate raider.
What? He wants you to mount a takeover.
You bet.
I don't see another way.
I don't have the money to buy myself back.
You could always leverage your house as collateral, take out a line of credit.
Oh, I I don't know.
Look, if we dissolve the company, you can marry Hanna and be in debt the rest of your life.
But if we mount a hostile takeover, you've got a real chance to marry Hanna and keep your company.
[ Sighs .]
[ Knock on glass .]
Hey.
What's up? I just came from the courthouse.
I ran into Judge Flint.
I convinced her to try the Globerman divorce and the McMann divorce together.
Why would you do that? Well, you're gonna argue in two different cases at the same time.
We'll bill 'em both.
Win-win.
Jane, here's the address of the restaurant for your date tonight.
Do you not see Owen? Oh, hi, Owen.
How's it hanging? It's hanging just fine.
Thank you for asking.
- Good.
- Anything else, Paul? Ken's expecting you at 8:00.
- Please leave my office.
- Okay.
Oh, wear something with a low neckline to draw his attention to your Oh, my God.
Bye, Owen.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
- That was really awkward.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- It was.
- A date good for you.
No.
No.
See, it's nothing just Paul met this guy, and I got roped into it.
No, no, no, no.
You don't have to explain yourself to me.
I certainly don't feel like I need to tell you about anyone I'm dating.
I if I was dating someone, that is.
- What? - What? [ Chuckles .]
Anyways, yeah, see, the problem is, my divorce cases are unwinnable.
Both of my clients violated their prenup infidelity clauses with each other.
Well, like they say, if your client screwed around, they're gonna get screwed.
[ Laughing .]
Who says that? They also say, if you can't prove they didn't cheat, you better prove they weren't married.
Okay.
Enough.
Wait a minute.
That's actually helpful.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
I was going for more of a sarcastic either way, uh, good luck.
F.
Y.
I.
, Ken's tall, so you can wear heels if you - Paul! - Yes, Jane? Do you see? We're here again.
Out of my way.
I'm gonna go see a shrink.
So, Jane, where should we pick up your low self-esteem, your issues with your mom, or those sex dreams you used to have about Charlie Rose and the vanilla frosting? Oh.
Ew! No.
[ Chuckles .]
I I'm not here for me, Dr.
Reza.
I'm representing Bev Globerman and Richard McMann in their divorces.
Yes, interesting turn of events there.
Yeah.
I wanted to know about your couples displacement therapy.
Are the couples supposed to suspend their relationships I mean, literally put their marriage on hold to engage in the swap? Well, I encourage my patients to be of the mind-set that they are married to the new person.
So, if a client truly embraces your therapy, I mean, it's plausible that they could really believe that they are married to the new spouse.
That is my objective, yes.
Would you testify to that in court? As long as it doesn't violate any doctor-patient confidentiality, sure.
Understood.
Thank you so much.
- Jane.
- Oh.
Yes? You know, intimacy issues don't go away without some real work.
Well, I'm sure you're right about that.
Thank you again, so [ Chuckles .]
Huh.
Five years ago, we set some goals for you, and when we don't meet those goals, it's important to explore the psychological ramifications of that.
Yeah.
You know what? I completely agree with you, but I am fine.
Honestly, I don't even remember my intimacy issues from five years ago I am that cured.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
I see.
Well, in fact, the reason I have to leave is because I have a date tonight.
Right.
I mean, really? Really.
His name is Ken.
- Mm.
- And he is tall.
And I am going to wear a low neckline.
So, I have got to go get ready.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
- Well - Thank you so much.
I'm here if you ever need to talk.
Yes, you have made that clear.
Thank you.
[ Sighs .]
Okay, so, first, we got pregnant, then we kissed, and now we're on our first date little backwards, don't you think? Mm-hmm.
Maybe we should have ordered dessert first.
[ Laughs .]
Well, they do have molten chocolate cake, and that's your favorite.
How did you know? [ Clears throat .]
Jane.
Look, Owen, I really like you, but I don't want to hurt Jane.
I can't imagine you hurting anyone.
You're one of the sweetest people I've ever known.
I mean, you ordered scallops because, of all the entrées on the menu, they feel the least pain.
Well, if I was really nice, I would have ordered the tofu.
[ Chuckles .]
Stacy, when I first met you I thought you were a little superficial, but I was the superficial one me.
I mean, when you want something, you go and get it, like the pakery or my genetic material.
You're the perfect combination of depth and effervescence.
You make me sound like a shampoo, but in a good way.
[ Both laugh .]
But, Owen, I need to be clear this isn't a date.
I mean it can't be a date until I talk to Jane about us.
Okay.
[ Laughs .]
No.
You're right, Ken.
Cold gazpacho soup is redundant.
[ Laughs .]
Oh, you know what bugs me - Hmm? - is when cafés call espresso "expresso," you know, with an "x.
" It makes me crazy.
[ Both laugh .]
We may be the only people in the world that care about these things.
Yeah, probably.
Maybe Paul had a sixth sense about us.
[ Chuckles .]
So, how did you meet Paul, anyway? [ Chuckles .]
I in your building.
I was delivering some office equipment.
He told me to bend with my knees to protect my back, so Well, it's good advice.
[ Both laugh .]
Aww.
Look.
I bet it's someone's anniversary.
Oh.
Aww.
It must be amazing to be with the same person for so long.
Yeah.
[ Laughter .]
Very good.
[ Indistinct conversation .]
Excuse me for a minute.
[ Huckles .]
It does not! It does.
Do it again.
I can't.
[ Both laugh .]
Oh.
Jane.
Um, hey, listen, you know, I I was just telling Owen that this is not what it looks like.
[ Stammers .]
[ Breathes sharply .]
[ Stammering .]
You? [ Voice breaking .]
You? No.
[ Sighs .]
Excuse me, ma'am.
Are you all right? Um, do you know where my date went? Uh, he just left.
What what do you mean he left? Oh, my God.
My valet ticket it it was right here on the table.
Your date just took it to the valet.
No.
No, he came in a cab.
Oh, my God.
Great.
Great.
Call the police.
My date stole my car.
[ Sniffles .]
[ Lock turns .]
[ Crickets chirping .]
Oh, hey.
You're awake.
You said you just wanted Owen's sperm.
And that that was strange [Chuckles.]
and insensitive to me, but I said okay because I wanted what was best for you and your baby.
And more to the point, I trusted you.
I swear, I never thought I had feelings for him.
You have feelings for him now the man I was engaged to.
[ Sighs .]
I don't know what I feel.
I'm confused.
I was planning to talk with you.
Jane, I never meant for this to happen.
What exactly has happened? [ Sighs .]
We kissed.
Is that it? Twice.
It caught both of us by surprise.
And [laughs.]
how exactly would talking with me make any of this okay? I don't know.
Come on, Stacy.
You're gonna be a mother.
I shouldn't have to tell you what's right and what's wrong.
I never meant to hurt you.
You were thinking about yourself.
You couldn't be more selfish if you tried.
Okay, that's enough! I am far from perfect, but I am not selfish.
Owen called me one of the sweetest people he's ever known.
- Really? - Really.
And if you want to talk about selfish you kissed Grayson at your wedding to Owen, and now you're holding onto him like you still own him.
But you don't! He has moved on! And men like Owen don't just walk into our lives every day! Hey, besties.
So, how was your date with Ken? Well, Stacy was there with Owen.
Oh.
That's all I'm gonna get just "oh"? Owen asked me to recommend a romantic restaurant, but I didn't realize he was with Stacy.
I did not see that coming.
Interesting.
Yeah.
[ Chuckling .]
Well, yeah.
I mean, that's not the word I'd use.
But I'll tell you what is interesting Ken stole my car! Well, that's awful.
But how was the date until then? No, no, no.
You better get my car back.
I will, Jane, ASAP.
Okay? Whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? Going to sleep.
It's late.
No, no.
My car.
Jane, you just need to relax, okay? You might not know this, but stress is not healthy.
You've had a rough day, and you just need to get some sleep.
Now, could you be a sweetheart and shut off the light? Hello.
I'm Owen French.
I'm calling to ask if you'd be interested in selling your shares in Frank inc.
I've been authorized to make you a very generous offer.
Now, I'm calling you personally because We believe Frank inc.
needs to move in a new direction.
What? You already sold your shares? Who the hell bought them?! Tell me, or I'll cut you.
You can't say that.
I thought you said it was a hostile takeover.
- I keep getting outbid.
- Same here.
Someone's figured out what we're up to.
And someone who has a lot of money to throw around.
Check out the stock price in the last hour.
It's up 25%.
- Excuse me.
- Where are you going? To figure out who's got the deep pockets and why Frank inc.
is so valuable to them.
Hey, buddy, I know where you live.
Dr.
Reza, in couples displacement therapy, participants are asked to believe that they are married to one another.
Yes, that's right.
So it's foreseeable that two people living as a married couple might engage in marital relations? Given the mind-set of the participants, it's a possibility.
Your Honor, given that the intimacy between my clients occurred while they were essentially married to each other, we contend that it should not be considered infidelity for the purposes of their prenups.
Mr.
Cummings.
Dr.
Reza, did you suggest to Bev Globerman or Richard McMann that they should sleep with each other during this wife swap? Absolutely not.
During the wife swap, were they aware that they remained married to their real spouses? Of course.
Your Honor, only a legal divorce can change the status of a legal marriage - end of story.
- Wait, wait, wait.
[ Chuckles .]
The story hasn't ended.
Your Honor, the law is not black-and-white here, and we contend that not all extramarital sex constitutes infidelity.
Nice try, Ms.
Bingum, but I'm not buying the wife-swap defense.
Judgment is entered in favor of Rachel McMann and Bob Globerman.
[ Gavel bangs .]
I'm sorry.
[ Telephone rings .]
Frank, inc.
shareholder relations.
Oh, that's great news.
Thank you.
The pizza's in the lobby.
I'll go get it.
[ Sighs .]
Well, I think it's time to face reality.
We're never gonna control 51%.
Well, I looked at the named plaintiff in the class-action suit nothing relevant.
But then I looked at opposing counsel.
Get this he used to work as in-house counsel for Whitmer International.
That's my ex-husband's company.
Shawn's the C.
E.
O.
He's also the one outbidding us for the shares.
I can't believe he's still trying to control my life.
Okay, change of plan we're gonna sell every share, all 31%.
But wait.
I thought you said we have to buy.
Ah, that was then.
This is now.
Flood the market.
Do it fast.
Excuse me.
Hey.
[ Sighs .]
We need to talk.
Actually, we don't.
Look, I am incredibly disappointed in you, but the girl code is a sacred bond between best friends, and it has been broken by Stacy.
No, this isn't about girls or codes, Jane.
Yeah, I really don't want to discuss this with you.
Fine.
You want to play the victim? Let's get something clear you have zero hold on me.
I can date whomever I want.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I realize that.
And of all the women in the world, you just happened to pick my best friend? I can't help but wonder if this has something to do with me.
[ Sighs .]
You're unbelievable.
Do you really think that I want to hurt you? The thought has crossed my mind.
Come on.
You were in love with me.
And Stacy and I we're we're completely different.
What do you see in her? For one thing kindness.
Thanks for seeing me again, Dr.
Reza.
I'm so sorry I couldn't be more helpful with your divorce cases.
You were just being honest.
I'm not giving up.
I just got to figure out how to get back into court.
Dr.
Reza, may I sit down? I don't think I have anything else to offer.
Oh, no.
I want to talk about me.
What? Sure.
Please.
- H have a seat.
- Okay.
Um I wasn't being totally honest when I said that things were great.
Really? [ Both chuckle .]
Yeah.
Um I was gonna marry this wonderful man, Owen, whom I loved.
[ Voice breaking .]
And on my wedding day, I kissed Grayson, whom I also love.
And so Owen dumped me, which I completely understand.
But now he's dating my best friend, Stacy, and I'm upset.
So you have feelings of guilt over the way you treated Owen.
Oh, well, yes.
But that's not why I'm upset right now.
My best friend is dating him.
I'm sure you can understand that that is the ultimate betrayal of friendship.
Well, Stacy didn't do anything wrong.
She violated the girl code.
We studied that for a semester back in graduate school.
You did? No.
[ Chuckles .]
I mean, I'm a big believer in adult friendships, but there's no such thing as the girl code.
Okay, so you're taking Stacy's side.
There are no sides.
But if a code of honor was violated, you violated it the moment you kissed Grayson.
Oh, my God.
I uh, this is unbelievable.
[ Sighs .]
Dr.
Reza, you are brilliant.
You know, some of this is common sense.
No.
I'm back on the divorces.
Bev and Richard their marriages were over the moment they cheated.
I just figured out how to get back into court.
Ah! [ Chuckles .]
[ Laughs .]
You know, Jane Mm-hmm? I find it interesting that you can see what's right for your clients, but not for yourself.
Yeah, well, I'm a hot mess.
Thanks so much.
Your Honor, I believe we have a resolution in this case.
That's odd, since we have no intention on settling.
This isn't a settlement.
It's more like a total surrender.
What are you proposing, counselor? In order to allow Frank to walk away, we're giving Mr.
Beaty's clients everything they want.
That better include Frank's car, condo, and bank accounts.
Car keys, a deed to the condo, bank statements with pin codes, a check to cover recent withdrawals, and, oh, his toothbrush.
Now that we've handed everything over, we ask that you discharge my client from Frank inc.
Wait.
I object.
Frank can't just walk away.
Why not? You've gotten everything you wanted.
You've won.
Be happy.
[ Door opens .]
I'm a free man.
[ Sighs .]
You gave up everything for me.
Well, I didn't exactly give up everything.
Hanna, your ex-husband bid up the share prices during the hostile takeover.
Once we realized he'd pay anything for the shares, we sold them at three times what we paid.
You sold Frank inc.
to my ex? Yeah, but without me, the company's worthless.
I made enough money to pay back the legitimate shareholders, with plenty left over for us to start a life together.
And now Shawn owns a worthless company.
And Frank is free to woo and wed.
Let the wooing begin.
Ms.
Bingum, as I recall, I've already ruled against both your clients.
Yes, in both divorce cases, my clients lost everything, but we're here on another matter.
And what might that be? Richard is filing a lawsuit against Bob for $100,000 for injuries sustained when Bob assaulted him in open court.
We are also re-filing Bev's suit for injuries she sustained in the shower.
This is ridiculous.
Personal-injury damages are community property, and Your Honor already ruled her clients were not entitled to any community property because they violated their prenups.
This is about principle.
And we intend to vigorously litigate both cases, no matter how much time it takes.
Or you're welcome to admit fault and sign a confession of judgment for the full amount of damages.
We'll sign whatever you want if it makes you go away.
You still won't see a penny.
Well, then, as soon as the confessions of judgment are signed, we'll be out of your hair.
[ Chuckles .]
Excellent.
Now, please get out of my courtroom, all of you.
Oh, just one other thing, Your Honor.
I need you to order the defendants to make good on their monetary obligations they've just confessed judgment on.
We've already been through this.
- The, uh, cheaters get nothing.
- Well, that would be true if the settlements were community property, but they're not.
Excuse me? Well, I mean, according to the infidelity clauses, these marriages were over the moment Bev and Richard had sex.
And both the slip and fall in the shower and the assault in the courtroom happened after the sex.
This is absurd.
Actually, Ms.
Bingum is right.
The prenups mandate that the awards be considered separate property.
We'll take certified checks.
Oh! [ Chuckles .]
Hey, Jane.
Hi, Paul.
What you doing? Oh, seeing the world from another perspective.
Hey, I got your car back! Really? In how many pieces? Oh, it's perfect condition.
I even had it washed because I spilled my soda.
How did you find it? I realized, when I met Ken, he was headed to the sixth floor, so I went to find him.
Do you know what's on the sixth floor? Nope.
Ken's parole officer.
Turns out he just got out of prison.
So, when you met him, he was stealing office equipment.
Yeah.
He stole our fax machine, but I got that back, too.
Ken's been arrested.
You said he was a great guy.
No, I said he was handsome, smart, and single.
You're very picky.
I'm going home.
See ya.
[ Door closes, lock turns .]
I didn't realize you were home.
Uh, there's something I need to say to you.
Okay.
I'm listening.
[ Sighs .]
I'm sorry.
Yeah, thanks.
Um, why don't we just forget the whole thing, you know? You're pregnant.
You're hormonal.
I I forgive you.
I'm sorry that my dating Owen hurts you.
But I need to see where this is going.
I owe it to myself and the baby.
Stacy I almost married the guy.
You're my best friend.
Don't you see what this is doing to me? I do.
[ Voice breaking .]
And I never, ever considered Owen in a romantic way, but now I can't help the way I feel.
Please, this doesn't have to change us.
Sweetie if you date my ex-fiancé, it changes everything.
I can't accept it.
I won't accept it.
I know.
[ Sniffles .]
I should go.
[ Door closes .]
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body.
[ Screams .]
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul.
I used to think everything happened for a reason.
Whoo! [ Laughs .]
Now, I sure hope I was right.
Drop Dead Diva 5x10 - The Kiss Original air date October 13, 2013 Previously on Drop Dead Diva A toast to my boss, Jane Bingum, our newest partner.
Hear, hear! [ Cheering .]
My best friend is being inseminated by my ex-fiancé, who is also my boss.
And while I am totally supportive, I guess it does affect me in ways that I couldn't foresee.
Owen, I'm pregnant.
That's fantastic, Stacy.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Owen.
Stacy, hey.
[ Chuckles .]
What a nice surprise.
We need to talk.
Is everything okay? - Not here your office.
- Okay.
What happened last night can never happen again.
Agreed.
The Kings lost.
I hate that.
No! The kiss between you and me that can never happen again.
Why not? Because we feel shame and guilt, and that kiss was a total betrayal of my best friend and your ex-fiancée.
Yeah, I'm not sure I see it that way.
No, no.
We we were caught up in the excitement of the baby.
- We just weren't thinking.
- Maybe not.
But I haven't stopped thinking about it since.
Owen.
Stacy, look.
I don't want to hurt Jane.
Well, good.
We are on the same page.
She's the one who got me out of my head.
She's the one who taught me that that it's okay to just just feel sometimes.
And the way that I felt when we kissed Honestly, I thought you felt the same way.
Nope.
Not at all.
Really? Yes.
Wow.
Wow.
- I I must have misread that.
- Uh-huh.
I mean, if you feel nothing Okay.
Mm.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Hello.
You're late.
Yeah.
I stopped at the salon.
I thought, as a new partner, I deserved a morning blow-out.
Well, that's very irresponsible.
We have a lot of work to do.
What? Well, as a new partner, you get to pick out new fabric and new furniture for your office.
Shoot.
I have to prep for a new-client meeting.
Oh, my God.
This burnt sienna would look gorgeous on a new chaise lounge.
And it's eco-friendly.
It's composed of recycled doggie-poop bags.
Who recycles doggie-poop bags? Okay, five minutes of redecorating, and then I have to prep, for real.
[ Elevator bell dings .]
Can I help you? Yeah, I'm looking for Owen French.
I'm Frank Neubauer, a new client.
Let me guess a constitutional matter? Corporate, actually.
Okay.
Follow me.
Stacy? Maybe.
Got to go.
Hi.
Frank, why are you dressed like Thomas Jefferson? I'm not.
I'm Alexander Hamilton.
[ Sighs .]
And my shareholders request the costume.
Shareholders? Grayson, meet Frank Incorporated.
I read about him in the "L.
A.
Times.
" And his shareholders vote on every aspect of his life, right? Wait.
You're literally your own company? When I was in business school, one of my buddies joked that corporations are just like people, and, bam, it hit me.
I filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, held an I.
P.
O.
50,000 shares of me at 10 bucks a pop.
You cleared half a million dollars by selling yourself? Paid off my student loans and bought a condo.
In exchange, my shareholders, by majority vote, are entitled to decide everything I do, from where I work to what I wear.
Hence the outfit.
Yeah, well, thankfully, this beat out Henry VIII.
I did not want to wear a codpiece again.
[ Chuckles .]
- They dictate everything you do? - Yeah.
Any shareholder can submit a request to the group, just nothing illegal or life-threatening, since that would hurt the value of the company.
- Which trades online now, right? - Yeah.
In fact, the share price has doubled since the I.
P.
O.
[ Cellphone beeps .]
Wait.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
[ Cellphone beeps .]
[ Camera shutter clicks .]
[ Chuckles .]
It's flu season.
My shareholders don't want me to get sick.
Frank, why do you need a lawyer? I'm in love.
Her name is Hanna Walton, and I want to propose, but my shareholders voted against it.
Maybe they think she's wrong for you.
No.
Hanna's successful, supportive, loving.
She's my soul mate.
Look, up till now, Frank inc.
has been terrific.
All right? The shareholders got me to lose 20 pounds, learn Spanish.
They even voted for me to write that op-ed piece that you read.
But for some reason, they won't approve Hanna.
Okay.
We need to call a shareholders' meeting.
We will try to amend the articles of incorporation to allow you to woo and wed as you see fit.
Well, that must have been quite a fall, Mrs.
Globerman.
My wife is in debilitating pain.
Bob, you know I can be a klutz.
A lawsuit is taking this too far.
Ohh.
That's good, Bev.
Express your feelings.
I'm sorry.
And you are Dr.
Reza.
- Our therapist.
- And you're here Well, I'm here to give context to Beverly's injury.
My wife sprained her neck at Rachel and Richard McMann's fancy-ass home in the Hills.
And you were there for Wife swap.
Excuse me? The clinical term is "couples displacement therapy.
" When a couple is in extreme distress, I find it helpful to place them in an alternative environment literal swapping of the spouses.
The new couples aren't sexually intimate.
But in every other way, they interact like a married couple.
And then, when the spouses are reunited, they are better able to communicate and, also, to compromise.
I see.
Okay.
Bev, why don't you tell me about your accident? Oh, I slipped in the McManns' shower.
No.
Scalding water from powerful jets knocked her off of balance.
My wife is in constant pain.
I'm getting better.
I really don't want to sue.
Well, you must have hit your head when you fell, sweetie, 'cause you're acting like an idiot.
Whoa.
Bob, that was demeaning.
Beverly, would you like to respond to Bob? Yes.
Bob, when you speak to me like that, I feel like you're belittling my intelligence.
That's because I am.
Do you see what I'm working with here? - I can't do it.
- You know what? Before I file a suit, why don't we meet with the McManns and see if we can reach a settlement? Bev, would that be okay? - Oh, yes.
Thank you.
- Okay.
Great.
I will see you guys at our next session.
And if you don't mind, I'm just gonna have a word with Ms.
Bingum alone, okay? [ Inhales deeply .]
My word, Jane, you are quite the professional.
Thank you.
I mean, you didn't let on for a minute that you used to be my patient.
What has it been about five years now? Um I like what you're doing with your hair and your makeup.
Oh, well, thank you.
It tells me you're no longer afraid to be noticed.
I think I can take a little credit for that.
[ Chuckles .]
- Okay.
- I remember our last session.
We were talking about how you were afraid to take risks in your personal life.
Oh, right.
Well, I have worked through that, and now risk is my middle name, so all better.
Oh, good.
Good to hear it.
- Good to hear it.
- Yeah.
So the big question, then, is, uh, how is your love life? My love life is fine.
It was so nice to meet you see you again.
Jane, you don't have to cover with me, okay? I know all about your five-year plan.
My five-year plan? Your five-year plan to get married in five years.
Oh, right.
Oh, that plan.
[ Laughing .]
I thought you were talking about a different plan.
No, no.
And I'm confused 'cause I don't see a ring on your finger.
Oh, yes, well, I, uh I've actually been, uh, very busy.
That sounds you're covering up your feelings again.
Don't do that.
That's denial.
Yeah.
It it's not that.
- So, thank you so much.
- Oh! - So you are married? - No.
- You're engaged? - No.
- Are you going on dates? - No.
No dates? No.
I see.
Well, I'm here if you want to talk.
Okay.
All right.
- Okay.
- Okay.
[ Sighs .]
Mr.
and Ms.
McMann, we've asked you here today in hopes of reaching a fair settlement.
Bev, I'm I'm so sorry you're in pain.
Thank you, Richard.
What my husband meant to say is we're not paying you one cent.
It's bad enough I had to live with Bob for two weeks, but we're not responsible for your injury.
Then we'll be going to court.
Great.
We'll be ready with a counterclaim.
Oh, whoa.
A counterclaim? When Bev fell, she cracked our custom-made glass shower door and the Italian jet-spray system.
[ Knock on door .]
Uh Okay.
Okay.
Uh, you know what? Let's just take a short break.
And we'll all come back to the table with an open mind.
Ms.
Bingum, we're not interested in a settlement.
Then I suggest you find counsel, and we will see you in court.
Will you excuse me just one moment? Hey.
What do you need? I'm working.
- I've got big news.
- Okay.
I met a man.
Really? Yeah, I can see that.
Oh.
For you.
Totally your type handsome, smart, and single.
Oh, my God.
Seriously? Did you just interrupt a settlement conference to try and what set me up? - Yes.
- Not interested.
Why not? Owen's not coming back, and Grayson's with someone else, and you're all alone.
- Oh, thank you, Paul.
- What I mean is, you're unattached and you should be dating.
- The answer is no.
- All right.
I get it afraid to take a risk.
What? Afraid to take a risk? Me? Oh, Paul.
Risk is my middle name.
Good.
Then you'll go out with Ken.
- It's just drinks.
- Fine.
- Awesome! - Let's be clear a Marc Jacobs sample sale is awesome.
Drinks with a stranger is fine, and barely that.
Yes! All right, we're live in 321.
Welcome to the Frank inc.
shareholders' meeting, live-streamed to our investors around the world.
We're here to amend the charter to allow Frank to woo and wed whomever he chooses.
In this case, he'd like to marry Hanna Walton.
The voting is now open.
You may text your comments directly to us.
- Frank? - My loyal shareholders, I want nothing more than to honor my corporate obligations.
But I believe I've earned the privilege to marry who I want.
And I want to marry Hanna.
Okay, our first comment is coming in, from belzy321.
"No one has more control over an individual than a wife.
" "Vote no.
" From bigbird29 "Hanna's hot.
I'd tap that.
" "Vote yes.
" Let's keep it clean.
From wehoguy "what about Hanna's first marriage?" "That went down in flames.
I say vote no.
" How does he know about my first marriage? Okay, guys, listen up.
This vote isn't about Hanna's past.
It's about my future.
Please vote yes.
From ivan32 "if Hanna left her first husband", "who's to say she won't leave Frank?" "We have to protect Frank.
I'm voting no.
" No, I'm committed to Frank, and that commitment is forever.
Voting ends in 321.
I'm sorry, Frank.
How could this happen? They hate me.
No, hey.
Listen, I love you.
That's all that matters.
What do we do now? If you defy the majority, you violate your fiduciary duty.
I don't care.
There is another option, but it's extreme.
Pursuant to the by-laws, you could dissolve the company.
No.
There's got to be another way.
Sweetheart, listen, if it's between you and Frank inc.
, I choose you.
I want to marry you.
Please, start the paperwork.
Okay.
The McManns have a deluxe thermostatic shower system.
I pushed a button, and hot water just came at me.
I lost my balance, and I fell against the glass door.
I reached out to grab a nozzle, but it bent, and I fell, and I twisted my neck.
Were there any safety precautions in the shower guard rails, non-slip mats, those little daisy decals from the '70s? No.
None of those things.
So the debilitating injuries that you suffered are entirely the result of the McManns' negligence? I guess.
Nothing further.
Your Honor, I have no questions for the witness, but I call my client, Rachel McMann, to the stand.
Mrs.
McMann, your bathroom shower was just remodeled last year? That's right.
Your Honor, I'd like to show you a photo of the shower before Mrs.
Globerman destroyed it.
Objecting to the word "destroyed.
" Let's just see the photo.
Can you describe what we're looking at? Sure imported tiles, Italian jet-spray system, custom-designed glass door.
Now I'd like to show you the shower door after the incident.
It's cracked.
It needs to be replaced.
What about the jet? The flange is bent.
To fix it, we need to get into the pipes, which means demolishing the tile.
My contractor estimates $20,000.
Wait.
Hold on.
There's a bottle of chocolate sauce on the shampoo shelf, right next to my conditioner.
You bastard! Uh, Your Honor, can we have a recess? What's going on, Mrs.
McMann? What's going on is that my husband has a fetish chocolate sauce and shower sex.
Bev wasn't knocked over by the water jets.
She was injured in our shower, having wild, crazy, chocolate sex with my husband! Your Honor, recess, please? Mr.
McMann, please respond to your wife's allegation.
[ Clears throat .]
We fell for each other.
We didn't mean for it to happen, but it's true.
- Ohh! - You self-important ass! - How dare you?! - But I love her.
- Ohh! - Aah! Oh, my God! Richard! Crazy freaking chocolate sex?! - Oh! - Order! Can I help you? It's me Bart The Bull.
[ Laughs .]
Apparently, it's the mascot for a local high school.
A bunch of alumni bought a chunk of stock.
Anyway, I got your message.
What's up? Yeah, uh If we dissolve the company, the shareholders are gonna sue.
I just received this complaint.
This is a shareholder derivative suit for misappropriation of corporate assets? They're accusing you of stealing corporate property.
They won't let you walk away.
So if we dissolve Frank inc.
and they sue and win, I'd lose everything I own? Anything you purchased with funds from the I.
P.
O.
, yes.
You'd even have to pay back the student loan.
I love Hanna.
I will not be held hostage by my own shareholders.
Okay.
Then, in the name of love, we fight, and we hope for the best.
Bev and Richard are here to see you.
Ohh.
You mean Bev and Bob.
No, Bev Globerman and Richard McMann.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Please.
How are you doing, Richard? Not so great.
I landed on my tailbone and slipped a disk.
Yeah, that was quite a punch.
I'm sure you're not surprised, but we're both being sued for divorce.
Well, you admitted infidelity in open court, so I it wasn't about sex.
Bev and I fell deeply for each other.
We were hoping you'd represent us.
You want me to represent both of you in each of your divorce cases? Is that possible? California is a community property state, and you don't have kids, so so, yeah, your divorce cases should be pretty routine.
There may be a small complication.
We both signed prenups that contain infidelity clauses.
So, in both of our cases, the party that cheats gets nothing.
Yeah, that's a pretty big complication.
We just thought that maybe there was something you could do.
[ Sighs .]
Bev and I never intended to break our vows.
In both our cases, we were the ones pushing for therapy.
Ms.
Bingum, during the swap, we realized what a healthy relationship could be, if you're with the right person.
Okay.
Okay.
I am not promising anything But I'll see what I can do.
Thank you so much.
[ Chuckles .]
Your Honor, we ask that the shareholder lawsuit be dismissed.
Frank Neubauer should be free to dissolve Frank inc.
The corporate by-law states that the shareholders are in complete control, not Frank.
What started as an amazing opportunity to guide a man's life has turned into mob rule.
The shareholders have pushed Frank to be his best self, maximizing his value and theirs.
If he walks away, he'll need to reimburse the shareholders for the current value of their shares.
I agree with Mr.
Beaty.
Frank has a duty to maximize shareholder value.
Motion to dismiss is denied.
We'll proceed to trial.
[ Gavel bangs .]
- I'm screwed! - Agreed.
With this judge, we don't stand a chance.
Frank, I need you to think like a corporate raider.
What? He wants you to mount a takeover.
You bet.
I don't see another way.
I don't have the money to buy myself back.
You could always leverage your house as collateral, take out a line of credit.
Oh, I I don't know.
Look, if we dissolve the company, you can marry Hanna and be in debt the rest of your life.
But if we mount a hostile takeover, you've got a real chance to marry Hanna and keep your company.
[ Sighs .]
[ Knock on glass .]
Hey.
What's up? I just came from the courthouse.
I ran into Judge Flint.
I convinced her to try the Globerman divorce and the McMann divorce together.
Why would you do that? Well, you're gonna argue in two different cases at the same time.
We'll bill 'em both.
Win-win.
Jane, here's the address of the restaurant for your date tonight.
Do you not see Owen? Oh, hi, Owen.
How's it hanging? It's hanging just fine.
Thank you for asking.
- Good.
- Anything else, Paul? Ken's expecting you at 8:00.
- Please leave my office.
- Okay.
Oh, wear something with a low neckline to draw his attention to your Oh, my God.
Bye, Owen.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
- That was really awkward.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- It was.
- A date good for you.
No.
No.
See, it's nothing just Paul met this guy, and I got roped into it.
No, no, no, no.
You don't have to explain yourself to me.
I certainly don't feel like I need to tell you about anyone I'm dating.
I if I was dating someone, that is.
- What? - What? [ Chuckles .]
Anyways, yeah, see, the problem is, my divorce cases are unwinnable.
Both of my clients violated their prenup infidelity clauses with each other.
Well, like they say, if your client screwed around, they're gonna get screwed.
[ Laughing .]
Who says that? They also say, if you can't prove they didn't cheat, you better prove they weren't married.
Okay.
Enough.
Wait a minute.
That's actually helpful.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
I was going for more of a sarcastic either way, uh, good luck.
F.
Y.
I.
, Ken's tall, so you can wear heels if you - Paul! - Yes, Jane? Do you see? We're here again.
Out of my way.
I'm gonna go see a shrink.
So, Jane, where should we pick up your low self-esteem, your issues with your mom, or those sex dreams you used to have about Charlie Rose and the vanilla frosting? Oh.
Ew! No.
[ Chuckles .]
I I'm not here for me, Dr.
Reza.
I'm representing Bev Globerman and Richard McMann in their divorces.
Yes, interesting turn of events there.
Yeah.
I wanted to know about your couples displacement therapy.
Are the couples supposed to suspend their relationships I mean, literally put their marriage on hold to engage in the swap? Well, I encourage my patients to be of the mind-set that they are married to the new person.
So, if a client truly embraces your therapy, I mean, it's plausible that they could really believe that they are married to the new spouse.
That is my objective, yes.
Would you testify to that in court? As long as it doesn't violate any doctor-patient confidentiality, sure.
Understood.
Thank you so much.
- Jane.
- Oh.
Yes? You know, intimacy issues don't go away without some real work.
Well, I'm sure you're right about that.
Thank you again, so [ Chuckles .]
Huh.
Five years ago, we set some goals for you, and when we don't meet those goals, it's important to explore the psychological ramifications of that.
Yeah.
You know what? I completely agree with you, but I am fine.
Honestly, I don't even remember my intimacy issues from five years ago I am that cured.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
I see.
Well, in fact, the reason I have to leave is because I have a date tonight.
Right.
I mean, really? Really.
His name is Ken.
- Mm.
- And he is tall.
And I am going to wear a low neckline.
So, I have got to go get ready.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
- Well - Thank you so much.
I'm here if you ever need to talk.
Yes, you have made that clear.
Thank you.
[ Sighs .]
Okay, so, first, we got pregnant, then we kissed, and now we're on our first date little backwards, don't you think? Mm-hmm.
Maybe we should have ordered dessert first.
[ Laughs .]
Well, they do have molten chocolate cake, and that's your favorite.
How did you know? [ Clears throat .]
Jane.
Look, Owen, I really like you, but I don't want to hurt Jane.
I can't imagine you hurting anyone.
You're one of the sweetest people I've ever known.
I mean, you ordered scallops because, of all the entrées on the menu, they feel the least pain.
Well, if I was really nice, I would have ordered the tofu.
[ Chuckles .]
Stacy, when I first met you I thought you were a little superficial, but I was the superficial one me.
I mean, when you want something, you go and get it, like the pakery or my genetic material.
You're the perfect combination of depth and effervescence.
You make me sound like a shampoo, but in a good way.
[ Both laugh .]
But, Owen, I need to be clear this isn't a date.
I mean it can't be a date until I talk to Jane about us.
Okay.
[ Laughs .]
No.
You're right, Ken.
Cold gazpacho soup is redundant.
[ Laughs .]
Oh, you know what bugs me - Hmm? - is when cafés call espresso "expresso," you know, with an "x.
" It makes me crazy.
[ Both laugh .]
We may be the only people in the world that care about these things.
Yeah, probably.
Maybe Paul had a sixth sense about us.
[ Chuckles .]
So, how did you meet Paul, anyway? [ Chuckles .]
I in your building.
I was delivering some office equipment.
He told me to bend with my knees to protect my back, so Well, it's good advice.
[ Both laugh .]
Aww.
Look.
I bet it's someone's anniversary.
Oh.
Aww.
It must be amazing to be with the same person for so long.
Yeah.
[ Laughter .]
Very good.
[ Indistinct conversation .]
Excuse me for a minute.
[ Huckles .]
It does not! It does.
Do it again.
I can't.
[ Both laugh .]
Oh.
Jane.
Um, hey, listen, you know, I I was just telling Owen that this is not what it looks like.
[ Stammers .]
[ Breathes sharply .]
[ Stammering .]
You? [ Voice breaking .]
You? No.
[ Sighs .]
Excuse me, ma'am.
Are you all right? Um, do you know where my date went? Uh, he just left.
What what do you mean he left? Oh, my God.
My valet ticket it it was right here on the table.
Your date just took it to the valet.
No.
No, he came in a cab.
Oh, my God.
Great.
Great.
Call the police.
My date stole my car.
[ Sniffles .]
[ Lock turns .]
[ Crickets chirping .]
Oh, hey.
You're awake.
You said you just wanted Owen's sperm.
And that that was strange [Chuckles.]
and insensitive to me, but I said okay because I wanted what was best for you and your baby.
And more to the point, I trusted you.
I swear, I never thought I had feelings for him.
You have feelings for him now the man I was engaged to.
[ Sighs .]
I don't know what I feel.
I'm confused.
I was planning to talk with you.
Jane, I never meant for this to happen.
What exactly has happened? [ Sighs .]
We kissed.
Is that it? Twice.
It caught both of us by surprise.
And [laughs.]
how exactly would talking with me make any of this okay? I don't know.
Come on, Stacy.
You're gonna be a mother.
I shouldn't have to tell you what's right and what's wrong.
I never meant to hurt you.
You were thinking about yourself.
You couldn't be more selfish if you tried.
Okay, that's enough! I am far from perfect, but I am not selfish.
Owen called me one of the sweetest people he's ever known.
- Really? - Really.
And if you want to talk about selfish you kissed Grayson at your wedding to Owen, and now you're holding onto him like you still own him.
But you don't! He has moved on! And men like Owen don't just walk into our lives every day! Hey, besties.
So, how was your date with Ken? Well, Stacy was there with Owen.
Oh.
That's all I'm gonna get just "oh"? Owen asked me to recommend a romantic restaurant, but I didn't realize he was with Stacy.
I did not see that coming.
Interesting.
Yeah.
[ Chuckling .]
Well, yeah.
I mean, that's not the word I'd use.
But I'll tell you what is interesting Ken stole my car! Well, that's awful.
But how was the date until then? No, no, no.
You better get my car back.
I will, Jane, ASAP.
Okay? Whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? Going to sleep.
It's late.
No, no.
My car.
Jane, you just need to relax, okay? You might not know this, but stress is not healthy.
You've had a rough day, and you just need to get some sleep.
Now, could you be a sweetheart and shut off the light? Hello.
I'm Owen French.
I'm calling to ask if you'd be interested in selling your shares in Frank inc.
I've been authorized to make you a very generous offer.
Now, I'm calling you personally because We believe Frank inc.
needs to move in a new direction.
What? You already sold your shares? Who the hell bought them?! Tell me, or I'll cut you.
You can't say that.
I thought you said it was a hostile takeover.
- I keep getting outbid.
- Same here.
Someone's figured out what we're up to.
And someone who has a lot of money to throw around.
Check out the stock price in the last hour.
It's up 25%.
- Excuse me.
- Where are you going? To figure out who's got the deep pockets and why Frank inc.
is so valuable to them.
Hey, buddy, I know where you live.
Dr.
Reza, in couples displacement therapy, participants are asked to believe that they are married to one another.
Yes, that's right.
So it's foreseeable that two people living as a married couple might engage in marital relations? Given the mind-set of the participants, it's a possibility.
Your Honor, given that the intimacy between my clients occurred while they were essentially married to each other, we contend that it should not be considered infidelity for the purposes of their prenups.
Mr.
Cummings.
Dr.
Reza, did you suggest to Bev Globerman or Richard McMann that they should sleep with each other during this wife swap? Absolutely not.
During the wife swap, were they aware that they remained married to their real spouses? Of course.
Your Honor, only a legal divorce can change the status of a legal marriage - end of story.
- Wait, wait, wait.
[ Chuckles .]
The story hasn't ended.
Your Honor, the law is not black-and-white here, and we contend that not all extramarital sex constitutes infidelity.
Nice try, Ms.
Bingum, but I'm not buying the wife-swap defense.
Judgment is entered in favor of Rachel McMann and Bob Globerman.
[ Gavel bangs .]
I'm sorry.
[ Telephone rings .]
Frank, inc.
shareholder relations.
Oh, that's great news.
Thank you.
The pizza's in the lobby.
I'll go get it.
[ Sighs .]
Well, I think it's time to face reality.
We're never gonna control 51%.
Well, I looked at the named plaintiff in the class-action suit nothing relevant.
But then I looked at opposing counsel.
Get this he used to work as in-house counsel for Whitmer International.
That's my ex-husband's company.
Shawn's the C.
E.
O.
He's also the one outbidding us for the shares.
I can't believe he's still trying to control my life.
Okay, change of plan we're gonna sell every share, all 31%.
But wait.
I thought you said we have to buy.
Ah, that was then.
This is now.
Flood the market.
Do it fast.
Excuse me.
Hey.
[ Sighs .]
We need to talk.
Actually, we don't.
Look, I am incredibly disappointed in you, but the girl code is a sacred bond between best friends, and it has been broken by Stacy.
No, this isn't about girls or codes, Jane.
Yeah, I really don't want to discuss this with you.
Fine.
You want to play the victim? Let's get something clear you have zero hold on me.
I can date whomever I want.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I realize that.
And of all the women in the world, you just happened to pick my best friend? I can't help but wonder if this has something to do with me.
[ Sighs .]
You're unbelievable.
Do you really think that I want to hurt you? The thought has crossed my mind.
Come on.
You were in love with me.
And Stacy and I we're we're completely different.
What do you see in her? For one thing kindness.
Thanks for seeing me again, Dr.
Reza.
I'm so sorry I couldn't be more helpful with your divorce cases.
You were just being honest.
I'm not giving up.
I just got to figure out how to get back into court.
Dr.
Reza, may I sit down? I don't think I have anything else to offer.
Oh, no.
I want to talk about me.
What? Sure.
Please.
- H have a seat.
- Okay.
Um I wasn't being totally honest when I said that things were great.
Really? [ Both chuckle .]
Yeah.
Um I was gonna marry this wonderful man, Owen, whom I loved.
[ Voice breaking .]
And on my wedding day, I kissed Grayson, whom I also love.
And so Owen dumped me, which I completely understand.
But now he's dating my best friend, Stacy, and I'm upset.
So you have feelings of guilt over the way you treated Owen.
Oh, well, yes.
But that's not why I'm upset right now.
My best friend is dating him.
I'm sure you can understand that that is the ultimate betrayal of friendship.
Well, Stacy didn't do anything wrong.
She violated the girl code.
We studied that for a semester back in graduate school.
You did? No.
[ Chuckles .]
I mean, I'm a big believer in adult friendships, but there's no such thing as the girl code.
Okay, so you're taking Stacy's side.
There are no sides.
But if a code of honor was violated, you violated it the moment you kissed Grayson.
Oh, my God.
I uh, this is unbelievable.
[ Sighs .]
Dr.
Reza, you are brilliant.
You know, some of this is common sense.
No.
I'm back on the divorces.
Bev and Richard their marriages were over the moment they cheated.
I just figured out how to get back into court.
Ah! [ Chuckles .]
[ Laughs .]
You know, Jane Mm-hmm? I find it interesting that you can see what's right for your clients, but not for yourself.
Yeah, well, I'm a hot mess.
Thanks so much.
Your Honor, I believe we have a resolution in this case.
That's odd, since we have no intention on settling.
This isn't a settlement.
It's more like a total surrender.
What are you proposing, counselor? In order to allow Frank to walk away, we're giving Mr.
Beaty's clients everything they want.
That better include Frank's car, condo, and bank accounts.
Car keys, a deed to the condo, bank statements with pin codes, a check to cover recent withdrawals, and, oh, his toothbrush.
Now that we've handed everything over, we ask that you discharge my client from Frank inc.
Wait.
I object.
Frank can't just walk away.
Why not? You've gotten everything you wanted.
You've won.
Be happy.
[ Door opens .]
I'm a free man.
[ Sighs .]
You gave up everything for me.
Well, I didn't exactly give up everything.
Hanna, your ex-husband bid up the share prices during the hostile takeover.
Once we realized he'd pay anything for the shares, we sold them at three times what we paid.
You sold Frank inc.
to my ex? Yeah, but without me, the company's worthless.
I made enough money to pay back the legitimate shareholders, with plenty left over for us to start a life together.
And now Shawn owns a worthless company.
And Frank is free to woo and wed.
Let the wooing begin.
Ms.
Bingum, as I recall, I've already ruled against both your clients.
Yes, in both divorce cases, my clients lost everything, but we're here on another matter.
And what might that be? Richard is filing a lawsuit against Bob for $100,000 for injuries sustained when Bob assaulted him in open court.
We are also re-filing Bev's suit for injuries she sustained in the shower.
This is ridiculous.
Personal-injury damages are community property, and Your Honor already ruled her clients were not entitled to any community property because they violated their prenups.
This is about principle.
And we intend to vigorously litigate both cases, no matter how much time it takes.
Or you're welcome to admit fault and sign a confession of judgment for the full amount of damages.
We'll sign whatever you want if it makes you go away.
You still won't see a penny.
Well, then, as soon as the confessions of judgment are signed, we'll be out of your hair.
[ Chuckles .]
Excellent.
Now, please get out of my courtroom, all of you.
Oh, just one other thing, Your Honor.
I need you to order the defendants to make good on their monetary obligations they've just confessed judgment on.
We've already been through this.
- The, uh, cheaters get nothing.
- Well, that would be true if the settlements were community property, but they're not.
Excuse me? Well, I mean, according to the infidelity clauses, these marriages were over the moment Bev and Richard had sex.
And both the slip and fall in the shower and the assault in the courtroom happened after the sex.
This is absurd.
Actually, Ms.
Bingum is right.
The prenups mandate that the awards be considered separate property.
We'll take certified checks.
Oh! [ Chuckles .]
Hey, Jane.
Hi, Paul.
What you doing? Oh, seeing the world from another perspective.
Hey, I got your car back! Really? In how many pieces? Oh, it's perfect condition.
I even had it washed because I spilled my soda.
How did you find it? I realized, when I met Ken, he was headed to the sixth floor, so I went to find him.
Do you know what's on the sixth floor? Nope.
Ken's parole officer.
Turns out he just got out of prison.
So, when you met him, he was stealing office equipment.
Yeah.
He stole our fax machine, but I got that back, too.
Ken's been arrested.
You said he was a great guy.
No, I said he was handsome, smart, and single.
You're very picky.
I'm going home.
See ya.
[ Door closes, lock turns .]
I didn't realize you were home.
Uh, there's something I need to say to you.
Okay.
I'm listening.
[ Sighs .]
I'm sorry.
Yeah, thanks.
Um, why don't we just forget the whole thing, you know? You're pregnant.
You're hormonal.
I I forgive you.
I'm sorry that my dating Owen hurts you.
But I need to see where this is going.
I owe it to myself and the baby.
Stacy I almost married the guy.
You're my best friend.
Don't you see what this is doing to me? I do.
[ Voice breaking .]
And I never, ever considered Owen in a romantic way, but now I can't help the way I feel.
Please, this doesn't have to change us.
Sweetie if you date my ex-fiancé, it changes everything.
I can't accept it.
I won't accept it.
I know.
[ Sniffles .]
I should go.
[ Door closes .]